American Idol: Raging Mad And Wishing I Didn’t Have To Take It

I’m still getting over the early loss of Alex and Lily, but at least I felt like the truly awful weeks were behind us. WRONG! On what should have been a night of, at minimum, some really bad karaoke of my favorite radio songs turned into that same night but for my mom. No one really tried to do anything new or cool or current. (Completely fear-stricken after the judges flip-floppy advice.) Almost everyone sounded horrible, and I’m not exaggerating. Even some of the best performances weren’t anywhere near flawless. (Besides Crystal who I now agree can do no wrong.)

Now, I’m a bitter, angry and saddened viewer who remembers Idol episode one so fondly yet has so much contempt for season nine. I could spew venom right now at the contestants, the judges, the fools who help them cast, FOX, tweens, children with cell phones at way too young an age, and Miley Cyrus. (Really? I am one to nod my head like yeah, but is this the best mentor they could get? Or is she the only successful artist who thinks they can actually help this bunch?) I need a cocktail, so while I freshen my dirty martini, please check out how the contestants fared this week.

TOP 11
11. Paige • “Against All Odds” • Weebles wobble and wobble and wobble. I want to scream, “Why won’t this darn thing stay down!!“ Paige should be down already yet she’s been surging at opportune times. This, unfortunately, wasn’t one of them. I didn’t understand why the crowd was cheering so wildly during her performance, maybe screams of encouragement. The song is so recognizable that the music overpowered her weak, wispy voice. There was no power, no connection, no tune. The judges seemed flabbergasted at the horror. Kara even said that she seemed to have given up, but I can pinpoint few moments that would cause me expect too much better.

10. Andrew • “Heard It Through The Grapevine” • Very rarely does a mentor convince a guitar player to just put the guitar down, but when the lights came up on the big stage, he had stuck to his word. I’m not sure it would have mattered either way because he chose such a strange song. I get that it matches his groovy vibe, but it didn’t fit his voice. If any performance should really be called desperate, it would be this one.  He sang it with an edge, like he was really angry (maybe he should have used that during last week’s “War”). But the song calls for longing and soul. Simon has gone so far as saying his “Straight Up” moment could be overrated. “It wasn’t like listening to Beethoven for the first time.”

9. Tim • “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” • The boy should be proud of himself, not only for getting this far, but for somehow seeming decent in comparison to this bunch. The song immediately evoked feelings of kitchiness. It’s almost a standard to the point that it’s impossible to make it sound current. He sang it within his vocal limits so his voice sounded nice, but without making any changes or having a good range, I was so bored. Simon called it “completely, utterly pointless and stupid.” Sure bouncing around onstage made things more lively, but it also made him look like he was, as Ellen said, auditioning for High School Musical.

8. Katie • “Big Girls Don’t Cry” • What a rare moment. I actually wanted to thank Katie this week. She was the only one of the night to really tackle something current. (I’m still not sure what everyone was afraid of.) What she missed is that Fergie isn’t the best vocalist so the song isn’t really designed to showcase singing chops. It’s also an extremely fast song at times so without Fergie’s performing expertise, it’ll stop you dead in your tracks from wanting to move a muscle while trying to remember the lyrics and belt it out. Vocally, the performance was off, but she took the judges’ “young it up” critique which always gets their kudos. And the song choice, coupled with her fashion update, allowed me to envision her in the style that fits her better.

7. Siobhan • “Superstitious” • So last week, I still saw the flaws, but she swayed me over to the dark side. This week, it was back to the same old Siobhan. I appreciate that each week I wonder what she’ll do. How will the oddball perform? What will be her response to one of Ryan’s asinine questions? All the intrigue and mystery has really become a major part of my Idol viewing experience this season. That’s. How. Bad. Things. Are. So yeah, I want her to stay around, but she needs to sing as well as she does when she’s screeching throughout the entire song. Cause I’m thiiiiis close to being over it.

6. Lee • “The Letter” • It was nice to have an opening act that beckoned the back-up singers and some instruments to the stage. I’d been waiting for someone to really fill that stage. Miley pegged Lee when she said he had a great voice but needed to work on his stage presence. He sang the song with a sweet Joe Cocker vibe, but I didn’t see the leaps in performance that the judges felt. Besides a few off notes (some from exhaustion after bouncing around the stage I believe), I loved his tone which seemed to sit more comfortably in his voice than ever. I agreed with Simon though that it was a random choice that he didn’t make contemporary. I’d never picture myself downloading it, but I commend him for just singing straight and moving around on stage like the old school Idol days.

5. Mike • “When A Man Loves A Woman” • I still contend that Mike may be the smartest guy in the competition. Early on, he switched his sound from boppy, guitar crooner to smooth R&B. He’s been coasting through with strong performances so far, but smartly dialed down his cheese factor a considerable amount this week. I agreed with Randy and Ellen that the song was safe, but he sang the pants off it. But I didn’t jive with Kara and Simon’s assessment that it was overindulgent. He’s an overly expressive singer. Don’t tell me you haven’t seen any of those artists or musicians out there! I did, however, like Simon’s critique that he would have made the performance simpler, stripping away all the other instruments on stage except for the piano.

4. Didi • “You’re No Good” • Why do the judges keep picking on this girl? It wasn’t the best song for such a pretty, young thing, but I wouldn’t say that it wasn’t a good choice based on the sound of her voice. Plus, it wasn’t karaoke and was actually a performance. Very few people brought both good singing AND a lively performance, and almost every one picked a fuddy-duddy tune, yet they always seem to act like she is so much worse than she really is or than everyone else. Their criticisms were all over the board from pitchy to bad song choice to out of character. Simon even said there was irony to her song choice. (See: title) Come on, guys. Let’s not lose another one of the “actually” talented contestants.

3. Aaron • “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” • Aaron is the youngin growing up before our eyes. He had the guts to tell Miley he loved her, even if it was only to the camera. (She was in audience still!) He has transformed his wardrobe from drip to hip, and his voice put the perfect country twang on the rock ballad, and put one of the best performances of the night with laryngitis and tonsillitis. Maybe we just need to keep passing this bug around to everyone. (I say Andrew gets hit first.) Simon smartly gave him some constructive criticism that while picking songs that accentuate his voice is good, he’s also picking too many songs that make him more old-fashioned than his age.

2. Casey • “The Power Of Love” • Things were different for me and Casey this week, and it’s a good different. I was confused for a moment because he’d left that warble in his voice with the Rolling Stones. His voice was strong, on pitch and sounded clearer than ever. There’s very little I have to bust on, so his issues will be making a song his own. I wish he could have gotten the same critique about losing his guitar because besides his licks at the end, it really added nothing to the performance and only anchored him to his microphone in the middle of the stage. Simon disagreed with everyone feeling it lacked originality.

1. Crystal • “Me And Bobby McGee” • I enjoyed hearing Crystal sing a song that allowed her to show a more vulnerable side to her voice. But I enjoy her most when she’s belting it out with crazy emotion and fervor, and she brought that and more to this performance. I actually smiled at the end which has happened only a handful of times so far. (So sad…) Kara and Ellen both want to see more personality which got Crystal to hint that next week could be a guitar-less week. But Randy, Simon and I wouldn’t change a thing. (And really, Simon, stop suggesting that she should.)

IDOLS RETURN
Okay, so none of our past Idol hopefuls or winners returned to the stage this week, and it looks like we’ve reached the stage in the competition where mentors come to the show to get in some airtime during performance nights and pimp their singles on results night. We were oh-so-lucky enough to hear Miley sing “When I Look At You,” also conveniently from her new movie The Last Song, and Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas teamed up on a duet to “Make A Wave”, with such riveting lyrics as “so throw a pebble into the water and make a wave.”

CURTAIN CALL
Like many weeks prior, there were a number of combinations that could have filled out this week’s bottom three and a few hopefuls that deserved to go home. If I could ship off multiple contestants in one night, I would, but I’m not steering this ship so I’ll have to be satisfied with one.

Paige, Tim and Katie were in the bottom, and I was a little confused by the fact that Andrew has eluded the top three so many times. I like him, as a person, enough that I want him to stick around longer than Idol’s version of Taylor Lautner (all abs, little substance), but thought Katie has proven to a better singer and less frustrating. Whereas Andrew has yet to choose a song or give a performance that I really like, Katie has, at least, improved.

It doesn’t really matter because it was the deserving Paige who got the ax. She did choose the right song, her zesty performance of “All Right Now,” but too little too late since Simon told her there’s no reason to get her hopes up. No matter how she sings, she’s still going home. The judges must be eating crow after calling her the best voice in the competition. The judges will save the “save” for the day when Siobhan or Crystal are confronted with the possibility of going home. But, hopefully, this never happens before Top 5.

GREAT MOMENTS
This week was a major bummer, so I thought it’d be nice to leave you with some of the more entertaining and fun parts of the show. Those do still exist and deserve to be spotlighted more now than ever!

• The look on Simon’s face after Ellen rambled on for about one minute about a pen that was supposed to be a metaphor for Lee. Yeah, I had that same look, Simon.
• Ryan inquiring about some huge bobble ring that Paige got from someone in the audience and then pointing out to Simon that it was a good example of what he should be looking for…::hint::hint::.
• The sweet screen they’ve installed and turned into the walkway between the judges’ table and the stage. There was a super cool shot under Ryan’s feet of Crystal’s guitar with Miley autograph and words of encouragement. It flashed right before she started singing and was really cute.
• Crystal and her magic carpet square that she used to decorate the cold, gray stage. She even got Ryan to sit on the floor for her mini-interview after performing.

For another take on this week’s episodes, check out The Eleventh Hour by Erin Biglow.

Season 9, Episode 24 & 25: Top 11 Performance and Top 11 Results (originally aired March 23 & 24, 2010)

For more on American Idol, click here.

Photographs courtesy of Fox Broadcasting Company, Michael Becker, Ray Mickshaw and IMDbPro.