Gossip Girl: It’s Hard Out There For A Drug Dealer

Gossip Girl has returned from yet another hiatus and that means I am back for more reactions and recaps of the show that I love to hate! As usual, we last left the characters in their routine state of disarray and sexual confusion with relationships hanging in the balance and virginity vanishing in the blink of an eye.

This week’s episode, titled “The Hurt Locket”, largely features Squints (Ed Westwick) attempting to track down the mysterious woman that he encountered at his father’s grave by investigating the busted gold locket she left on his gravestone. His lust for knowledge even overpowers his lust for Blair (Leighton Meester) and status as he ignores her Russian whore role-play act and the chance to attend powerful meetings in favor of playing detective. His work does pay off though as he finds the woman’s name and address. With Blair at his side he confronts the woman about possibly being his supposedly dead mother but she plays dumb and he quickly believes her. Blair is not so easily fooled though and promptly gives her some sass. Nothing is revealed at that moment but the episode’s final scene gives the audience a crucial look at the missing half of the locket filled with a photo of her and baby Squints. Dun dun duuuuuuuuuun! Stay tuned.

On a far more interesting storyline things continue to heat up between Serena (Blake Lively) and Nate (Chace Crawford) as they start banging around before they even have a first date. BUT (there is always a ‘but’ on this show) their friends give some moronic advice about how to proceed with the relationship causing Nate to break off their first date to a reception for the French ambassador. Serena retaliates by asking the drug-dealing European (but not at all European) Damien if she can go with him to the reception instead. He clearly has the hots for her and says yes immediately.

This is where things get crazed. You may remember that Damien (Kevin Zegers) became involved with Jenny (Taylor Momsen) and together have been performing drug deals together around town. Jenny really uses her brain (a rare occurrence) at the beginning of this episode to conjure up a scheme to get some drugs into the hands of the French ambassador’s daughter by hiding them in the beads of her jacket and conveniently switching coat check tickets with the ambassador’s daughter as the hand off.  Poor Jenny was so proud of her idea and ready to make it work when Damien dumps her in favor of Serena who gets to wear the drug-laced jacket instead. Serena, not knowing about the drug deal, decides to not check her coat.

Panic ensues.

Damien first attempts to get the jacket by sexually harassing Serena in the hopes that she’ll act like the huge tramp that she is and immediately throw off her clothes but she insists she’s a changed woman and storms away all offended. She then instantly makes nice with Nate again, throws off her clothes, and does him in the coatroom like the huge tramp that she is.

In the end, Jenny saves the drug dealing day by spotting the pill jacket on the floor of the coat room and insisting that it be given back to the ambassador’s daughter as soon as possible. Transaction complete!!

I have to admit that it was a bit fun to watch all of this play out despite its ridiculousness but my absolute favorite moment of the episode belongs to an unrelated scene where Rufus (Matthew Settle) gets over his avoidance game and actually confronts Lily (Kelly Rutherford) about the night she spent with her ex-husband in a hotel room. It’s all very serious and sad but watch closely – Lily absolutely CANNOT be bothered to put down her wine glass. Ever. That girl is a lush and I fully approve. I predict that Lily will be a full-on train-wreck before the season is over and frankly, with those drug-dealing, skanky kids of hers I can’t say I blame her. Until next week, I’m raising a glass for Lily.

For another take on this episode, check out The Return of the Drama by Trisha Huntsman.

Season 3, Episode 13: The Hurt Locket (originally aired March 3, 2009)

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Mondays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Giovanni Rufino