The Amazing Race: Feelin’ Morally Victorious

We begin in Little San Francisco, following the teams’ mandatory 12 hour rest.  Jordan & Jeff are the first to leave, at 3:21am.  They have to travel back to Santiago, and then have to take a bus to a car to a climb to a place called Mirador.  In other words,  a whole frackin’ lot of travel.

Because the first bus leaves at five, all the teams catch up with each other at the station.  It’s here where we hear Carol & Brandy recant their statement that Jordan & Jeff aren’t that bright.  Apparently, since the blonde and her boyfriend kicked their L.A. butt last leg, Carol & Brandy have decided that they must not be so dim.  The editors then immediately cut to Jeff telling Jordan that the dogs here speak Spanish, because they are in Santiago.  Which is really funny, because I can’t tell if Jordan believes that the dogs in Spanish say “Hola” as opposed to Woof! or, if she understands him to mean that the dogs in South America respond to Spanish rather than English, which makes perfect sense.  And totally makes me wish I could somehow inject Cesar Milan into this whole exchange, just to see what would happen.

Having decided that all of the other teams are dumb as rocks, Carol & Brandy approach Joe & Heidi about riding their coattails an alliance.  This works to their advantage later, when Joe & Heidi hold a place for Carol & Brandy in line for bus tickets.  No one else is happy about this, particularly Louie & Michael, but because they really don’t put too much of a fight about it, it’s a non-starter. Frankly, “saving” a spot in line is not against the rules, but I would have expected Louie & Michael to put up a bigger stink about it if they really felt strongly.  But they say nothing.

Ultimately, Joe & Heidi and Carol & Brandy get the bus tickets first, which results in getting the first bus leaving the station at 5:30, scheduled to arrive at 7am the next day.  Dan & Jordan, Monique & Shawne, Louie & Michael, and Steve & Allie, all get tickets for the 7:45 bus.  But Jordan and Jeff decide to try and connect through another side.  Jody & Shannon get on one for 8:30 that arrives at 9am the next morning. Jordan & Jeff realize that they can arrive earlier by transferring between two buses rather than one that goes direct and tells Brent & Caite this idea.  A stranger gives Cord & Jet the idea of going through Temuco and now three teams are on a 9:15 bus that transfers, with a scheduled arrival of 11pm.   Joe & Heidi and Carol & Brandy don’t arrive until 8am the next morning, but they think that they will be the first teams to arrive.

Ultimately Brent & Caite, Cord & Jet, and Jordan & Jeff end up at the same bus station, awaiting a transfer.  Jet & Cord realize that the other two teams are at the wrong bus station for their bus, but keep silent on that fact, resulting in Brent & Caite and Jordan & Jeff missing their bus, and they end up having to catch a later bus to get to Mirador.

But none of this matters, not really.  What is important is that next is a llama challenge.

I love llama challenges.  I think if I designed the race, they’d all be llama challenges. In this one, which is a detour, teams have to dress a llama or dress as a condor.  In dress a llama, the teams have to put a blanket on a llama’s back and tie a scarf around its neck.  In dress as a condor, teams have to, essentially, make a running start strapped into a hang-glider that is shaped like a big flying bird off of a dock into a lake to retrieve a clue that’s in the lake.  At first, it looked as though they would have to reach the clue when they land in the water, but not so; once in the lake, they can just swim to the clue.  No fair!

Jet & Cord dress a llama pretty darn easily when a llama takes to Jet right away.  For others, it’s not so easy, but doable, either by dressing llamas that were apparently comatose, or by dressing them while they were eating.  Brent & Caite and Jeff & Jordan chose condor, to complete non-dramatic effect.

Dan & Jordan get lost and start to bicker, tied for last with Jody & Shannon.  Jody says how much she is enjoying her time with her granddaughter, which is a dead giveaway that they are going to lose.

The Roadblock this leg is to race around a farmhouse to get five ingredients, most notably milk straight from a cow’s udder.  Carol & Heidi make the rounds together, offering moral support.  Carol, in a cab to the pit stop, says it would be a “moral victory” to beat Brent & Caite. Which is where she loses me, because Carol is a big fat snob.  I wish I could say that our L.A. lesbians wanted to beat Brent & Caite because Brent & Caite were mean, or homophobic, or because they were one of those teams where one of them constantly berate the other.  But, nope, Carol thinks that Brent & Caite, because they are models, or because she was in a pageant, or because she’s from South Carolina, are somehow inferior to them as people.  And that’s just dumb, and ignorant, and makes it very, very hard to want Carol & Brandy to win although I still love their hair.

In the end, Jet & Cord take this leg, aided by the cowboy’s ease around a cow’s udder.  Joe & Heidi and Carol & Brandy tie for second.  Brent & Caite are fourth, Monique & Shawne (who?) make it fifth, Jeff & Jordan sixth, Steve & Allie (again, who?) are seventh.  Then Jody almost gets kicked in the head, which would be funnier if she weren’t in her seventies and wasn’t clearly about to lose.  Dan & Jordan are eighth, and Louie and Michael take ninth.

And it’s bye-bye for Jody & Shannon.  And, I don’t want to be mean, but. . .Jody’s the slowest tri-athlete ever.

Season 16, Episode 2: When the Cow Kicked Me in the Head (originally aired February 21, 2010)

For more on The Amazing Race, click here.

Sundays at 8pm ET/PT on CBS

Photographs courtesy of CBS.