The Vampire Diaries: Baby Mama Drama

Along with every other show on the CW The Vampire Diaries is only on in bursts of new episodes here and there but this week finally brought us a new one and if we’re lucky it’ll keep on chugging until it reaches a finale for this first season. Shows like this rely almost purely on momentum so the fewer breaks, the better in my humble opinion. Unfortunately this week’s episode barely got the show back out of neutral with a storyline focused heavily on the identity of Elena’s birth mother and barely kept me awake as a result.

Now maybe I spaced it out in the weeks without a new episode but I wasn’t even aware that the identity of Elena’s parents was a concern, much less a pressing one but it was suddenly very urgent and important here. Elena (Nina Dobrev) turns to her Aunt Jenna (Sara Canning) for information on her mother and she helps by using Bing in the most blatant product placement I’ve seen in months. It turns out her mom’s name was Isobel Peterson, which could be an alias but either way this alias happens to have a friend, Trudie, who still lives in town. I love it when a maternity search comes together! Who needs Maury Povich?

Elena promptly pays a visit to Trudie who quickly confirms that her friend Isobel was indeed pregnant before she disappeared and that Elena is most definitely her daughter but is clueless as to who the father was. She starts out all nice and sweet but then slips some anti-vampire drug into Elena’s tea, which is a pretty good sign that she knows more than she’s letting on. Nevertheless, Elena is sufficiently creeped out and leaves just before a mystery man shows up and kills Trudie.

To add even more complication to the situation we learn that Alaric (Matthew Davis), the mysterious history teacher of Mystic Falls (everyone is mysterious there) had a wife named Isobel who we previously learned was killed by Damon (Ian Somerhalder) a few years back. I think you see where this is going and it ain’t pretty.

Stefan/King Dreamboat (Paul Wesley) takes the lead in breaking the whole case open for everyone by consulting with Alaric, Damon, and Elena all separately. Damon, not knowing Elena is involved yet, acts like the ass that he is and mocks Alaric for killing Isobel in the middle of a bachelor auction and Alaric gets instantly angry. Can’t say I blame him.

Meanwhile outside, the mystery man who killed Trudie walks up to Stefan and Elena and tells her to stop looking for Isobel and that “she doesn’t want to see you.” Ouch. But at least she’s alive! They should get more information out of this guy! They try but he’s promptly run over by a truck. They respond by taking his phone and walking away.

I wish I were kidding.

Back at home after the auction Alaric stupidly confronts Damon with a knife and is quickly killed but not before Damon reveals that Isobel isn’t dead, but was instead turned into a vampire by request! I was kind of hoping that Damon would end up being Elena’s father but I’ll take this ridiculous twist as a condolence prize.

Damon leaves Alaric for what he thinks is dead in the living room but Stefan soon enters the room and Alaric magically beams back to life thanks to a magic ring given to him by Isobel. All together now: LAME!

The episode ends with Elena using road kill guy’s phone to call his recently dialed number and hears the voice of her mother, Isobel, for the first time! And yet despite all of the fanfare to get to that point, I just didn’t care.

I can’t forget to mention though the dull and pointless subplots. At the end of the last episode we saw one vampire escape from the much ballyhooed tomb and in this episode we see him wander around killing people here and there until he reaches a house in the woods where Pearl (Kelly Hu) and other refugee vamps are hiding out. Think vampire commune but homier. I have a feeling that the writers are going to drag this little point out for the rest of the season…

And finally the king of all pointless plot-lines continues with the relationship between Matt (Zach Roerig) and Caroline (Candice Accola) blooming further. Matt’s alcoholic mom shows up and hates on Caroline for no good reason but that’s the extent of anything interesting happening there. Will one of them finally be eaten or something next week? Let’s hope so.

For another opinion on this episode, check out Who would Jenny Schecter bite? by Mallory Elis.

Season 1, Episode 15: A Few Good Men (originally aired March 25, 2010)

For more on The Vampire Diaries, click here.

Thursdays at 8/7c on The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Bob Mahoney, and Quantrell Colbert.