American Idol: The Shania Twain Has Left the Station

I’m not sure if it’s residual effects from the heartstring-yanking desperation of Idol Gives Back or merely a byproduct of the end-is-nigh tension, but the ninth season of Idol has officially entered solemn territory as the gloriously tacky intros edited to resemble summer movie trailers have given way to a much simpler, sadly cheeseless approach. As the faces of the six remaining contestants flash before our eyes, Seacrest offers a simple declarative description of each: “A paint salesman. A glassblower. A high school student. A mother. A father. And a construction worker.” Then, with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, we’re reminded yet again just how far these kids have come: “These six lives have been changed forever, but only one can take the title.” Sheesh, Seacrest, we get it – this is American Idol.

With both the announcer and his respectably prudent zeal still mysteriously absent and Seacrest informing us that Idol Gives Back raised $45 million for charity (a fantastic amount of money, but not as impressive when the math turns out to equal about $1.50 per vote), I figure all the fun has officially been sucked out of the remainder of the season. The irony of the show’s kitsch level actually increasing the more seriously it tries to take itself is clearly lost on all creative and executive forces, but at least reintroduces some humor to my viewing experience. Personally, I find the show most enjoyable when it reaches a balance between buoyant absurdity and pretentious gravity, but at least the former on its own is tragically funny – the latter, merely tragic.

Thankfully, as the judging panel is introduced, Seacrest refers to Simon as “the fountain of youth,” which provides the most audible chuckle from both the audience and myself, and the mood is slightly lifted. That is, until Seacrest says, “We are celebrating a very special songbook tonight,” and I remember that Shania Twain is not only serving as mentor this week, but also supplying the repertoire of music with which the contestants have to choose from. Uh oh. Nothing against Shania, but whose brilliant idea was this? I have a feeling this plan was locked down while the powers that be still firmly predicted a parade of girls in the finals. Again, the irony provides slight comic relief. Disaster may be imminent, but Shania herself turns out to contribute an infectiously upbeat attitude and commanding presence that dilutes my pessimism almost immediately.

After learning Shania has five Grammys to her name and boasts the highest-selling solo album for a female artist ever (okay, wow), she tells the contestants why her songs are meaningful to her, and how the Idols can make them meaningful for themselves: “I lived them, I wrote them. I want you to interpret them as though you wrote them.” This is the kind of concise precision Kara wishes she conveyed while blathering on about “interpretation” during judging – simple, yet effective. Things are looking up, I must say.

Before Lee DeWyze takes the stage to sing Shania’s hit ballad “You’re Still the One,” Shania says most of her songs were written “bare bones … [with] just the guitar,” which explains why she advises Lee to simplify and begin his rendition with just his voice and the piano. According to Shania, Lee has a “fantastic style that just needs to come out and not be buried by a guitar.” Personally, I think this statement applies to more than one contestant (Casey, are you listening?), but is good advice regardless. Despite a weak first few notes, Lee recovers quickly and actually changes the melody enough to give the performance its own identity while keeping the integrity of Shania’s version intact. His vocal aspirations are higher than usual, with more sustained notes and a seemingly expanded range. It’s actually quite lovely in spite of a slightly awkward ending, and is, overall, another success for Lee.

Randy says “You’re Still the One” is one of the “best songs ever written,” (!) and that Lee did a “pretty good job with it.” Ellen is more enthusiastic, telling Lee he made the song sound like “his version instead of someone else’s,” and asks everyone to come “aboard the Shania Twain,” something that could only come across as endearing (rather than nauseating) from Ellen. Kara marvels at Lee’s ability to make the song “relevant,” and, referencing the lyrics, says, “Look how far you’ve come!” Indeed, I would have never predicted Lee to make it this far, and with my full support to boot. Lastly, Simon says it was “absolutely the perfect song,” but warned Lee about making “weird faces” while he performs. I also spied the slight Kris Allen-esque sidemouth he’s referring to, but Lee’s guitar face is nothing close to John Mayer proportions – fret not, Lee, we’re paying closer attention to your voice. A-

One of the only welcome symptoms of the recent solemnity epidemic (besides the continuing absence of Crazy Seacrest – I’m still not over that) plaguing Idol is Big Mike’s subdued expression and lack of frenetic movements during the cutaway before commercial. In fact, he looks downright ready for his senior portrait. He must have finally gotten the memo to take it down a notch. Well, that only took about three months. Tonight he’s singing “It Only Hurts When I’m Breathing,” a song I’ve never heard but will guess is a heartfelt ballad about love either gone wrong or left unrequited. Shania’s all aboard the Big Mike twain, swooning with glee as she tells us she’s “very moved to hear his voice to my lyrics and my melody.” Big Mike says his decision to choose this song is centered on its “strength and amazing amount of vulnerability at the same time.” During rehearsal Shania declares Big Mike could “sing the phonebook and people would melt,” but advises “the only ones who really make it in the end are the ones who feel it the most.” So, don’t try and fake it, Mike. Shania will know, and so will we. As for the performance, it is indeed a predictable, but believable rendering of a brokenhearted ballad – exactly what I expected, and exactly what it should be. Mike has also continued his more reserved disposition, singing most of the song while sitting on the stairs, and keeping the theatrical gestures to a minimum when he does stand up and walk around about halfway through. I’m happy with it as a whole, but Shania can hardly contain her enthusiasm in the audience.

The judges aren’t quite as over the moon as she is, but do express their positive reactions. Randy likes how Mike always “finds [his] zone,” regardless of the musical genre he tackles. Ellen says she was a “tiny bit nervous” for Mike to “take on” that song, but ends up comparing him to the late, great Luther Vandross. Kara is glad Mike always conveys connection to what he sings and likes how he “didn’t change the beautiful melody too much,” but “changed it enough” to “make it [his] own.” Simon is impressed with Ellen’s Luther Vandross reference and wholeheartedly agrees, but then inexplicably says the performance was a bit “wet,” which apparently means “girlie” in Cowellism. No matter, Mike can shrug off the Britspeak and chalk this one up as further validation for his save. B+

Casey James knows he’s in a rut and has run out of time to skate by on his looks. The judges’ evisceration last week paired with the elimination of teen dream Tim Urban will have hopefully lit a much-needed fire in the fuse of Casey’s motivation. During his interview with Seacrest, Casey says he wants to “give something new” this week and will do so by eschewing his leading riffs in favor of rhythm guitar and showcasing his vocals by performing “a singing song.” The choice is “Don’t!” the third romantic ballad in as many performances tonight. I suppose I can’t be surprised, given the lack of feasible options for our male contestants from the assigned catalog. Shania notes Casey’s lack of confidence, a puzzling notion considering he “has everything going for [him],” and suggests he take the story of the song and “bring it inside and let it come out through [his] performance” to help boost his self-assurance. It must have worked, because Casey says he’s the most excited he’s been all season for this performance, adding, “I don’t think I’ve sang yet.” Indeed, tonight Casey truly sings more than he ever has, and smartly strips down the arrangement in every aspect. With only minimal guitar and nicely added strings in the second verse, it’s much more reminiscent of the quiet simplicity of “Heaven” and “Jealous Guy,” my two favorite performances of his, and thankfully strays from the disappointing corniness of “Power of Love” and “Don’t Stop.”

Randy calls it “one of the best Casey James performances ever,” while Ellen says she thinks it’s “the best to date,” adding that Casey “sang that like that’s where [he] belong[s].” Kara likes that he didn’t “hide behind” his guitar, and Simon agrees Casey’s in top form tonight, suggesting he give Shania a kiss for thanks. So much for solemnity – I have no choice but to agree with Seacrest when he giddily exclaims, “We got ourselves a competition!” A+

With three successful ballads already behind us, I fully expect the spirit of the show to adopt a more upbeat tone once Crystal Bowersox takes the stage. The first three guys all did well, especially Casey, but with plenty of powerhouse twang in Shania’s catalog ready for our female contestants, I predict a welcome shift for the second half of tonight’s episode. So, when Seacrest actually tells us to stay tuned as Crystal “takes on a Shania anthem,” I gear up for a showstopper. Turns out, while Crystal is speeding things up a bit, it’s actually with another unknown (for me) tune, appropriately called “No One Needs to Know.” One nice thing about a contestant singing a song I’ve never heard is that I have no basis of comparison, thus a truly objective perspective. On the other hand, I have no basis of comparison, thus a truly objective perspective. Part of what helps form a valuable opinion on a show like American Idol is having knowledge of the original version of what the contestant is updating. In any case, Crystal’s undeniable talent shouldn’t hinder the unexpected song choice too much – I’d personally pick Crystal over Big Mike to sing the phonebook to me if I had to choose (sorry, Shania).

The performance is a bit of a departure, as Crystal takes the stage as the lead singer of a folk band, complete with upright bass player and slide guitarist. It doesn’t feel like a Crystal Bowersox performance, but rather a performance from The Crystal Bowersox Band. Nothing is wrong with it whatsoever, but it is a sadly chosen song that never really gets off the ground. For me, it’s album filler and not concert-worthy. Crystal says the message of the song is a not-so-hidden hint to her boyfriend to quit horsing around and propose already. Shania had advised her in rehearsal to “let that song remind her of how it really applies to her real life right now,” and tells Crystal to adopt a “happier” tone, since it’s a “cheerful song.” To sum it up, Seacrest is guilty of false advertising (no way this is an “anthem”) and Crystal actually isn’t the best performer this week.

Randy is happy with someone finally offering a straightforward country interpretation of a Shania song, even comparing Crystal to Nickel Creek, but admits it wasn’t his favorite. Ellen says that even though it’s her “least favorite” performance from Crystal, that’s the same as naming her “least favorite color of the rainbow.” Kara avoids criticism by telling Crystal it’s “impossible for [her] not to be good because [she] comes from a place of truth,” while Simon just spits it out, calling it a “limp” performance reminiscent of something he’d see in a coffee shop. Crystal points out that it’s impossible for her to have lacked “conviction” because, referring to her boyfriend, “he’s right there.”  She also defends her song choice by telling the judges that “bigger isn’t always better.” That is often the case, Crystal, but, sadly, not tonight. B

With my spirit a bit deflated after Crystal’s bewildering (but surely temporary) dethronement, I’m in no mood to deal with Aaron Kelly and his pubescent wailing. Regardless, Shania says his song choice, “You’ve Got a Way,” “suits him beautifully.” It’d better. I’m not sure I can handle another abomination in the vein of last week’s “I Believe I Can Fly,” and I’m not sure Aaron could, either. According to Shania, in rehearsal he seems “preoccupied” with hitting the notes and is failing to concentrate on the main objective of connecting with the song and the audience. “End where you know you feel safe and good, and then they’re gonna feel safe and good,” Shania assures Aaron, also reminding both him and us that since he’s already here and has made it this far, he has no reason to be nervous – he must be good! Right? Riiight. In actuality, it is absolutely the best Aaron has sounded in weeks, and might be one of his most successful performances to date. However, even though he certainly ended “safe and good,” it’s certainly not The Best Performance, to borrow from the Teflon Tim method of skewed judging – it’s a Good Aaron Performance. Unfortunately, the poor guy is still the wettest of blankets in terms of stage presence. It doesn’t help when Kara indirectly pokes fun at Aaron’s alluded-to virginity, noting his omission of “making love” from the lyrics. To make matters even worse, Aaron, the 17-year-old high school student, decides to defend himself by letting everyone in America know that he sang the song about his mother. How this kid escaped from the locker he must have been living in to participate in this show is beyond me.

The judges are nevertheless enthusiastic, with Randy exclaiming, “Dude, this is definitely your wheelhouse! Your land!” which I assume is a compliment. Ellen remarks on Aaron’s “maturity” to embrace the lyrics of such a romantic song, which blows my mind, considering nothing could be further from the truth. He changed the words so they would pertain to his feelings about his mother, for crying out loud! Simon calls the performance “sincere” and says this is “the kind of record” Aaron should make, but quickly adds, “if you make records” as a caveat, letting Aaron know he’s still dubious about his future as a recording artist, as am I. B-

With only one slot left and one contestant to fill it, tonight must be Siobhan’s chance to redeem her disappointing onstage offerings of the last several weeks by closing the show with an actual Shania anthem, “Any Man of Mine.” It’s Shania’s first number one hit, and I’ve actually heard it. Shania advises Siobhan to “get into character,” since the key to performing this song successfully is “all about attitude.” It begins, bizarrely, very low-energy and I begin to bemoan the complete loss of the Siobhan I whose coolness I once admired so much I decided she would make the perfect imaginary friend (Yes, I really just said that, and no, I never lived in a locker like Aaron Kelly). Despite her attempt to rouse the crowd via the unfortunate over-the-head clapping technique that usually never works, a complete twainwreck is miraculously avoided as Siobhan picks it up toward the chorus. By this time, she actually does work the crowd, casually galloping around the studio grabbing hands and staying on key despite the tongue-twisting lyrics. Her signature shriek is also back with a vengeance, getting off to a shaky start but gathering steam by the end, reminding us for a brief moment or two why we were so intrigued with her in the first place.

Randy is practically on his feet, shouting, “I loved it!” multiple times, and noting his approval of the “punk-country” aesthetic Siobhan is sporting this week. Ellen notes it was a good way to end the show, and Kara coyly asks no one in particular, “Guess who’s back?” The answer, indeed, is Siobhan. Simon ruins everything by comparing “the screaming at the end” to the sounds of childbirth, which is really quite crude and unnecessary, even for Simon. While I found the end note the part most thrillingly reminiscent of Siobhan’s best performances, the weak beginning and sadly underwhelming precedent of the last several weeks can’t get me as excited about Siobhan’s “return” as I’d like to be. B+

Wednesday night’s results show had elements that remained (mostly) true to the country theme of both Shania Twain’s mentorship and musical offerings. Jam-packed with live performances to a nearly confusing degree, appearances from the pleasantly tolerable country group Rascal Flatts and The Next Great American Band winners Sons of Sylvia gave way to more unfortunate auditory experiences from Lady Antebellum – they sing my least favorite song on contemporary radio at the moment – and a curiously misplaced Shakira, who can evidently play the harmonica and wants us to think she’s a gypsy. All this was merely a distraction from the saddening elimination, which came down to Casey and Siobhan as the bottom two. Aaron was deemed remarkably safe, and Big Mike was the first of the bottom three rescued from possible ousting. While I began to truly fear for Casey, particularly after his redemption on Tuesday night, I sadly knew all along Siobhan’s time was up, and she seemed to have mentally prepared for the results as well. So much for the departure from solemnity. We’re now down to the Top Five, who will tackle songs from Frank Sinatra’s songbook next week, under the mentorship of Harry Connick, Jr. With the finale less than a month away, I predict a showdown between Crystal and either Lee or Casey. Aaron simply is not long for this world, and Big Mike has third place written all over him.  A shocking boot of anyone’s favorite is possible at any time, however, so be sure to vote. Until next week!

For another opinion about this episode, read Ending On A High Note by Inisia Lewis.

Season 9, Episodes 34 & 35: Top 6 Performance and Top 6 Results (originally aired April 27 & 28, 2010)

For more on American Idol, click here.

Photographs courtesy of Fox Broadcasting Company and IMDbPro.

The Vampire Diaries: Just Setting Up the Finale

It seems like ages ago when “young” Stefan Salvatore was the sweetest, calmest vampire this side of Transylvania…sigh…The last few weeks with him on his somber and depressing relapse to feeding on human blood has been both dramatic and a little bit tedious to get through and this week’s episode, “Blood Brothers,” was no different.

When we left the characters last week, Stefan had been locked up in the cellar to sweat out the effects of human blood in his system but it still hasn’t worked out. Stefan seems dead set on giving up and wishes for death as he thinks back on the days way back in the 1860s when he and Damon became the vamps they are today. Through a series of flashbacks we see how they attempted to rescue Katherine from the angry mob only to get shot (by their father!) but survive thanks to Katherine already having started them on the transition to being undead.

On the down side though, Katherine did not survive the event and neither of them wanted to go on living as a result so before dying Stefan confronted his father and accidentally killed him with his growing strength. The blood flowing from his pops was too much to resist and feeding off it made his transition into a vampire complete. Stefan tells all of this to Elena but neglects the rest, which Damon happily supplies. Stefan forced him to feed on a human against his will to solidify his transition as well so he wouldn’t spend eternity alone. This explains Damon’s major bitterness towards Stefan and really fleshes out their relationship a little better for the first time, which I really appreciated.

While Damon gives Elena the rundown, Stefan escapes the cellar and heads out to the woods without his ring that protects him from the sun where we are to assume he’s going to die. Luckily Elena finds him before the sun rises and gives him the pep talk to end all pep talks convincing him to keep battling his demons and go on living. He agrees. They kiss. It’s joyous.

All of that being said this was actually a fairly calm episode that bordered on being dull at times. I think it’s clear that its larger purpose was to set up the final two episodes of the season that are coming up, which is fine but everything beyond the Stefan storyline seemed rushed or lacking in drama.

Alaric and Damon got a lead on Isobel’s whereabouts but when they check the place out they just find another resurrected vampire from the tomb named Henry. As is expected - they kill him almost immediately for being in cahoots with evil Uncle John.

Anna decides to enroll in high school to spend more time with Jeremy and the two of them get very intimate, but Anna’s mom, Pearl, realizes that Uncle John is onto them as vamps and thinks they should leave town immediately. They are about to do so when John kills Pearl without warning! I realize that Pearl was by no means a main character but I kind of think her demise deserved a little more screen time or buildup than it actually got it. Malese Jow as Anna did a good job conveying her anguish upon finding Pearl’s body but it still felt empty and left me wanting.

And then finally the episode ends on a cliffhanger with Isobel herself sitting down next to Alaric in the town bar. This being Elena’s mother is no minor plot point so next week should be explosive and then who knows what kind of intrigue will greet us on the season finale but I, for one, am excited to find out!

Season 1, Episode 20: Blood Brother (originally aired April 29, 2010)

For more on The Vampire Diaries, click here.

Thursdays at 8/7c on The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW and Quantrell Colbert.

Dancing With the Stars: Bon Voyage Bachelor!

This week the stars will be performing two dances.  The first will be a Samba or Tango, and the second will be the group Swing dance.  If you’ll recall from last season, this is the dance that most closely mirrors actual professional competition.  The competitors will share the floor initially, but each couple will be eliminated one by one until one winning couple remains.  A friendly tap on the shoulder will be their cue to have a seat.  First up are the individual couple performances.

Jake & Chelsie
Hopefully Jake keeps his pants on this week.  He’s looking to join Evan and Nicole atop the leaderboard, but he’s had some clumsy missteps in the past.  Their Samba begins with great energy and he really seems to embrace the character.  I love their song selection.  Everything is going great until Jake trips over the step near the judges’ table.  He doesn’t miss a beat and keeps that goofy grin plastered on his face for the duration.  Len said he’s showing more confidence and the performance was more polished.  He said the rhythm was a bit lacking.  Bruno agreed and said that it also lacked bounce.  He didn’t wiggle correctly.  Carrie Ann said he always pushes himself to the max and that’s why he falls sometimes.  He needs to connect more to the music and let it “flow through his body.”  Carrie Ann: 7 Len: 7 Bruno: 7

Evan & Anna
Last week Evan earned his highest score to date.  This week results in his lowest score, unfortunately.  During rehearsal they practice for the Swing Dance portion and Evan smacks his head on the floor pretty hard.  He went to the hospital to make sure he wasn’t concussed, and the doctor gave him a green light.  When they take to the floor it looks like Evan has recovered from his injury, but his performance is lacking.  He always has great lines and moves regally, but the Samba doesn’t require those dancing attributes.  It’s an earthier dance, and one needs to really get the hips moving.  Evan simply didn’t have the goods, though his excellent technique and hard-working approach shone through.  Too bad it was the wrong approach for this Samba.  Bruno said he has good lyrical lines but for this dance it doesn’t work.  Samba requires a different type of action.  It was pretty to look at it but it wasn’t right for this dance.  Carrie Ann said that he wasn’t suited for this dance and it was a disjointed performance.  Len said it was his worst dance and was far too balletic.  Everyone comes up against one dance that really doesn’t suit them, and this was Evan’s.  I totally agree with their assessment.  7s across the board.

Niecy & Louis
Niecy has been advised to work on her technique and footwork.  This week she’ll be performing an Argentine Tango with comedic flair.  This will be a first for the competition, and I wonder what Len the Purist will think about that choice.  Niecy puts emphasis on the footwork in practice, as the dance is ladened with lots of intricate moves.  Their routine begins with a laugh as they fool around with a rose.  Niecy isn’t the strongest female remaining at this stage, but she is a strong contestant.  I’m surprised at her flexibility and I like the approach that she and Louis took to the dance.  Carrie Ann said it was nice to see Niecy really dancing and she has come so far in just a week; she was in the zone.  She didn’t think Niecy needed the comedy.  Ironically, Len liked the comedic aspect and overall thought it was good.  Bruno appreciated the attention to footwork, but noted that the dance lacked some intensity due to her singular focus on the feet.  Carrie Ann: 7  Len: 7  Bruno: 7

Erin & Maks
The most difficult aspect of Samba for Erin during rehearsal was keeping up with Maks.  She doesn’t want him to outdo her.  She’s still over-analyzing every move and it’s really starting to get annoying.  Luckily she still managed to pick up the Samba relatively easily.  Erin is a pretty good dancer, although I think her long limbs appear gangly and awkward sometimes.  Her Samba was fun to watch and she moves fairly well.  Len said that he always gives her 7s and she’s going to get another one from him because he’s fed up with stunts and wants more substance.  He scolds Maks.  Bruno said it was exciting and you can’t blame Erin for Maks’ choreography.  Carrie Ann said she nailed it.  Carrie Ann: 9  Len: 7  Bruno: 10 Ok  Bruno it wasn’t THAT good.  But 2 outta 3 ain’t bad.

Chad & Cheryl
Chad had a disastrous dance last week, turning in his worst performance yet.  This week he and Cheryl will try to regain the judges’ favor with a smoldering Argentine Tango.  During rehearsal time they go back to Cincinnati so Chad can connect with some Bengals fans and get positive vibes from them.  Each star brings their own strength to the competition, and for Chad his major strength is….well, his strength.  In the literal sense of the word.  If you’re partnered with a football player you might as well play on his strength, and that’s what Cheryl does.  Chad is stoic and masculine and embodies the perfect character for the Tango.  He holds Cheryl powerfully and you can see that she trusts him fully.  Could you imagine past contestants Jerry Springer, Kenny Mayne, or Adam Corolla pulling that off?  No way.  The judges think this is his best performance to date.  Bruno said it was strong and powerful.  He said he was hard on Chad in the past because he knew he could do it.  Carrie Ann says that they were hard on him because he wasn’t dancing that well, but this week he nailed it.  He was arrogant, sensual, dramatic and powerful.  The lines were gorgeous.  Len said you either grow or you go, and Chad grew tonight.  8s across the board.

Nicole & Derek
Nicole is similar to Erin in that both are annoying perfectionists.  They both need to shut up and defer to their partners who do this dancing thing for a living.  But boy can that Nicole dance her ass off.  Yes she can.  Her Samba was the shiznit.  She looks like she does this in her sleep.  Of course that means that Len hated it, while Carrie Ann and Bruno were beside themselves.  Carrie Ann said it was ridiculous.  The only criticism she could muster was that she didn’t like Nicole’s facial expressions.  Len said the difficulty and performance level were great, but her lines were ugly and he hated the gyrations.  He criticized Derek for omitting two key maneuvers he wanted to see in the Samba.  Bruno said it was superlative.  She’s got nothing to worry about.  Carrie Ann: 9  Len: 7 Bruno: 10

Pam & Damian
Pam has inexplicably been in the bottom two more than once, despite decent scores from the judges.  Last week the judges weren’t too impressed with her Quickstep.  This week she’ll attempt a passionate Argentine Tango.  During rehearsal she vows to keep fighting while staying true to herself.  The couples are permitted to do lifts this week, and Damian wants to incorporate a few.  Pam has difficulty rehearsing the lifts, but she’s determined to stay out of the bottom two.  I thought their dance was sexy and Pam (again) nailed the character.  She wore a dark wig this week and really embraced her role for the dance.  I thought her footwork was good and I’ve always appreciated the chemistry between her and Damian.  Len said it had a nice smoldering intensity, but it was a bit “scruffy.”  Bruno said it was another great character: Angelina the Sultry Latina.  LOL.  Carrie Ann said it was unquestionably sexy and she loved the commitment to character, but her frame and legs could have been better.  Carrie Ann: 7  Len: 7  Bruno: 8

SWING DANCE MARATHON (SECOND ROUND)
The celebrities have been challenged with the task of learning two dances this week.  They must each learn a Swing dance in addition to their ballroom dance.  They have the freedom to perform lifts, and most couples have been upping the ante with as many athletic moves as they can muster.  This will also be the first chance to see all of the stars side by side to see who really stands out above the rest.  They will earn points based on how they finish.  I think the more fit contestants will thrive in this format, with this type of dance.  All of the couples begin jumbled up on the dance floor.  Right away the better dancers distinguish themselves, both in technique and floor position.  Jake and Chelsea are eliminated first, followed by Niecy and Louis.  Nicole and Erin seem to be the best.  Evan & Anna are eliminated next, leaving four couples.  Nicole and Derek are working the hardest.  Chad and Cheryl are asked to sit down.  And then there were three.  Pam is eliminated, leaving Erin and Nicole.  True to form, Nicole prevails.

RESULTS SHOW
Solidifying his place as the Comeback Kid, Chad is selected for the encore performance.  He and Cheryl give a repeat of their Argentine Tango, and it seems almost better the second time around.  Now that Kate has been sent packing, it’s really tough to tell who should be eliminated next.  I think Niecy and Jake are the weakest of the remaining contestants.  Pam and Chad are middle tier dancers, and Nicole and Evan are clear favorites.  Evan turned in a sub-par performance this week though, so you never know how things will play out.  I think Erin is a wild card.  One night she might get all 7s, another night she could receive a 10 and it wouldn’t surprise me.  We find out fairly early that Pam is safe, and I’m relieved.  She’s not the best, but Pam is pretty darn good and has suffered in the bottom two more than once.  She deserves a break.  Chad is safe, but Evan has to sweat it out a bit longer.  Ultimately Niecy and Jake are in the bottom two.  That is more than fair.  Len says he’ll miss Niecy’s bubbly personality if she leaves, and he’ll miss Jake’s enthusiasm if it’s him to go.  Jake is the one that the voters have decided to eliminate, and he seems pretty choked up about it.  Man up Dude. It’s just Dancing With the Stars.  Don’t take it so seriously.  I guess if I found out my 15 minutes of reality fame was finally up, I might cry too.

Season 10, Week 6: Round 5 Performances and Results Show (originally aired April 26 and 27, 2010)

For more on Dancing with the Stars, click here.

Mondays and Tuesdays at 8/7c on ABC.

Photographs courtesy of ABC, Adam Larkey

An Introspective Glee

Last week’s Glee was all about sex, Madonna and showy performances whereas this week’s Glee is much more subdued and contemplative. Sometimes the episode seemed a little sluggish with less elaborate performances and slow songs—different than usual, but not necessarily bad.

Mercedes & the Cheerios

This week Sue is being interviewed by Splits magazine. Mercedes attempts to deal with the high demands of being a Cheerio especially when Sue tells her she must lose ten pounds before the interview or else she will be kicked off the team. Ditto for Kurt. In the cafeteria, Kurt criticizes Mercedes’ healthy choice of chicken and salad, with dressing on the side, since he is only eating celery. He tells her “we are finally part of the in crowd. Don’t screw it up.” Quinn observes Mercedes questioning Brittany and Santana about how they stay so skinny. At a midweek weigh in, Mercedes has actually gained two pounds and Sue tells her to do whatever it takes.

Mercedes basically starves herself, begins imagining the other kids as food and then passes out. In the nurse’s office, Quinn gives Mercedes a granola bar and tells her that she understands how she feels. Her relationship with food has changed since becoming pregnant and Quinn realized that she should eat healthy, not only for the baby but for herself too. In a touching moment, Quinn tells Mercedes that she should be comfortable in her own skin because she is beautiful.

Later, the Splits magazine writer attends a Cheerios school pep rally. Mercedes changes the performance and asks if anyone has ever felt fat, ugly or not popular. Many people, including Quinn, raise their hands as Mercedes confesses that she sometimes feels that way and invites anyone with similar feelings to sing “Beautiful” with her. After the song, Kurt hugs her and apologizes. The writer tells Sue that he was going to write an unflattering piece but has changed his mind because she is redefining cheerleading by having a team of all different sizes.

Mr. Schu & April

After discovering the auditorium padlocked, an angry Will confronts Sue, who tells him that she has booked it for the week. She also admits to blackmailing Principal Figgins. While searching for a new location for glee club to rehearse, Will checks out a roller rink and finds April—a former crush—(the uber talented Kristin Chenoweth) there. They immediately sing a great duet of “Fire.” Will learns that since he last saw April, she has become the mistress of a tycoon of strip malls and is the owner/operator of the roller rink. April insists that the glee club use the rink to rehearse and Will mentions that he needs to sublet his apartment because of his divorce. April, who needs a new place to stay, is interested in checking out his apartment.

Later, Will informs the club of the good news about their new rehearsal site and then Kurt performs “A House Is Not A Home.” That night, April shows up to check out Will’s apartment and plans on staying over—she is told that she must sleep on the couch. They begin singing a beautiful mash-up of “A House Is Not A Home” and “One Less Bell To Answer.” Wow, their voices are amazing, especially together. The obviously lonely April and Will end up sharing Will’s bed that night.

Will tells April that she deserves more than just being someone’s mistress. She agrees and decides to do something about it. The episode ends with April telling Will that the tycoon died and his wife paid her two million dollars in hush money. She used it to buy the school auditorium for the glee club and plans to go to Broadway to put on an all white production of “The Wiz.” Then April and the club perform “Home” from “The Wiz.”

Finn, Kurt and their dating parents

At home, Finn is not happy that his mom, Carole, is selling some of their older furniture. He prevents her from selling his dad’s recliner. Carole wants a fresh start and admits to dating Burt, Kurt’s dad. We learn that Kurt introduced Burt and Carole because he thought it would allow him to spend more time with his crush, Finn.

The four go out to dinner and Kurt is hurt when Finn and his dad “guy talk” about sports. During an argument, Kurt suggests that even though his mom died eight years ago, maybe his dad shouldn’t date seriously yet. Kurt and Finn team up to break up their parents.

At home in an emotional scene, Finn threatens to flush his father’s ashes down the toilet and his mother confesses that she talks to the urn every night. She tries to get Finn to understand that they don’t need more ghosts or memories but a family and a home.

Later, Finn plans to have it out with Burt, but Burt tells him that he loves Carole and he would never hurt her. Burt acknowledges that he can’t take his dad’s place. Finn is touched by Burt’s statements and suggests they watch the basketball game together—he even lets Burt sit in his dad’s recliner. A crushed Kurt witnesses this from a window.

Although it wasn’t a typical upbeat episode, nor did it have a lot of songs by the ensemble glee club, it used Kristin Chenoweth’s guest star role to the utmost and highlighted her amazing vocal abilities. April is a fun and quirky character that I hope to see again in the future. Two weeks ago, Idina Menzel guest starred and this week Kristin Chenoweth was back, wouldn’t it be great to see these two original Broadway Wicked stars perform together on an episode of Glee?! I think so!

Next week expect some drama when a list emerges that ranks the glee club members based on hotness. Plus, Molly Shannon and Olivia Newton John guest star.

For another take on this week’s episode, check out You Are Beautiful by Stephanie Jaar.

Season 1, Episode 16: Home (originally aired April 27, 2010)

For more on Glee, click here.

Tuesdays at 9pm on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro

American Idol: Ending On A High Note

I’m almost ready to throw an American Idol parade because this week’s Top 6 actually performed like America’s Top 6 “kind of, almost” Stars. After weeks of disappointment, I can say that no one really let me down and quite a few exceeded my expectations. And on Shania night of all nights! (I do love the singer-songwriter. My middle school dances would never have been the same without her.)

This week was meant to be the country week, I suppose, but there was very little twang during performance night. I don’t know if that’s because it was “Shania country”. You can take that up with all the country enthusiasts and “Shania ruined country” haters, but her songs are versatile and transcend genres, as she said so herself.

I still stand by my assertion that Shania could have filled the Paula Abdul role. Not that Ellen hasn’t grown into her judge’s chair, because she’s come very far from the rambling woman we met earlier this season. Her zingers have been, for the most part, to the point. Still, Shania’s bubbly and upbeat and sweet but knows what she’s talking about when she gets serious. How can you not appreciate that?

Now, let’s get down to it.

TOP 6
6. Aaron – “You’ve Got A Way” – I was left a little flabbergasted after Aaron’s judging. Every judge saw some huge turnaround in the high school student, but what I saw was the same type of song and the same hesitation. This week, he just happened to actually hit the right notes so he sounded more like his old, belting self. But he should be singing well at this point! Kara and Simon both saw a completely different contestant, and Randy felt that the song was in his “wheelhouse”. (His new, favorite critique.) I can’t argue that country is his route, but if this is what he’ll always bring to the stage then I’d rather chance hearing his songs on the radio and never watching him perform live. He’s just not entertaining enough for me yet.

5. Siobhan – “Any Man Of Mine” – Besides all of Shania’s most popular hits, this song really encapsulates the sassy, fierce pseudo-country woman with attitude. Siobhan started the songs in the completely wrong vain but picked it up very quickly. She tried to put the theatrics into her performance vocally, succeeding at the end, but I didn’t believe the story in her face or her movement or that last big note. While her voice was more pleasing to me this time, I still don’t really know what she’s about or what kind of artist she wants to be which keeps me at a distance.

4. Crystal – “No One Needs To Know” – There are usually no doubts of where Crystal will fall on the performance meter. But with everyone showing a little more gusto, I was sort of bored by the hippie crooner this week. Her voice was still pretty close to perfect, but her version of the song was a little humdrum. Randy did point out the things that I liked which were that she did it straight-up country with what he dubbed a Nickel Creek vibe and that she tried a new sound. (Last time I saw Nickel Creek, they sounded very much like bluegrass, which his what Crystal was going for, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end.) What I didn’t like was seeing Crystal talk back to the judges who could barely give her constructive criticism.

3. Lee – “You’re Still The One” – I loved seeing Lee soft and vulnerable, especially now that he’s clearly more confidant and comfortable in his own skin on stage. All the judges liked his performance though no one raved over it besides Kara, who had to pull the “look how far [you’ve] come” line. But his biggest downfall was a hesitant start and pitch problems that stood out because of the simple arraignment. It’s his innovation, though, that’ll keep him ahead in this game.

2. Mike – “It Only Hurts When I’m Breathing” – Earlier this season, I said that Mike could be the smartest guy in the competition. And this week, I revisit that statement. Many have maligned him for his ham and cheese factor, but he kept sailing through because he put on a show and, at least, woke people up in a relatively sleepy pool of contestants. As numbers dwindled, this became his downfall, but he’s quickly shifted gears to proving that he has the talent to go far in a singing contest. I really loved his voice on the song, and the judges loved his emotion and artistry, except for Simon who deemed it “wet.” (Which apparently correlates to being too musical-like and/or girly.)

1. Casey – “Don’t” – Don’t get a big head, Casey, now that you’ve finally had a performance to call mom about. After being kicked down last week, Casey realized he needed to change it up, and not replay the same record over and over again to stay in this competition. Just like “Heaven,” during the Top 24, seeing a real, vulnerable side of the perma-smiley axeman was a much needed treat. Plus, his voice fit perfectly with the song, turning his vocal flaws into appreciated nuances.

WRAP UP
Though this week was touted as country week, few contestants stepped up to that plate. This season has definitely taken its knocks, but there’s a solid four in the top six that I do like. Sure, this season is missing the Lambert factor, that contestant who really knocks your socks off. But in the end, I was really proud of Casey for letting the critiques finally set in and choosing to put himself out there when he could have taken the easy out and jammed on his guitar, blues-ing up one of Shania’s songs. Mike has also improved, closing in on the Crystal-Lee, sure bet, showdown. And as always, Lee and Crystal make me want to stop and listen, whether they’re good or less good (I refuse to equate the two with the word bad.)

IDOLS RETURN
It was a guest parade during results night. I still don’t get why, at this point, the show can’t be whittled down to 30 minutes. Instead, we get a little more overt advertising than usual and some behind-the-scenes footage of the contestants. Even with all the extra special guests, Idol still ran slightly under and had to be bulked up with asinine comments Q&As by Ryan. I did appreciate the backstage pass as it’s been hard to connect to our hopefuls this season.

We also got more fly-by performers. Rascal Flatts stopped in with “Unstoppable.” Carrie Underwood gave her endorsement to friends Sons of Sylvia. Lady Antebellum performed their hit “Need You Now”. Then, Rascal Flatts came back to help Shakira with her new song “Gypsy”, my favorite performance of the eve. Who knew that Shakira could play harmonica? The girl is a certifiable bag of tricks. While I love to shake my hips to the dance side of Shakira, her first album was more on the soft side, and I was reminded of it with this new song (that I want to download immediately).

CURTAIN CALL
There’s no denying I was sad to see Mike and Casey in the bottom three when they’d been my two favorites 24 hours prior. But when I look at Casey’s performance track record, he definitely doesn’t deserve it over Lee or Crystal it’s even debatable with Aaron. Mike, on the other hand, has progressed to the point where I believe in him more than Siobhan and Aaron, except we’ve already seen proof that America isn’t completely behind him. No save has ever lived far past their expiration date.

I did get excited by the idea that Siobhan could take the fall and spare my eardrums and free time, but then I thought about how long it took to get Turban out, and he was in the bottom three multiple times…until the final 4 minutes when I had resigned myself to the idea that Casey was going home. As if my own fairy godmother granted my wish, Siobhan exited, singing “Think” on her way out, and I didn’t see much to be missed, but I will say that the stylist finally got her dress, shoes, hair and accessories together for her final moment. Way to go out in style!

PARTING SHOT
“It was like you were giving birth up there. If you heard that note in isolation, you’d kind of think something else was going on there.” – Simon of the Siobhan Screech.

For another take on this episode, read The Shania Twain Has Left The Station by Erin Bigelow.

Season 9, Episodes 34 & 35: Top 6 Performance and Results (originally aired April 27 & 28, 2010)

For more on American Idol, click here.

Photographs courtesy of Fox Broadcasting Company and IMDbPro.

The Good Wife: Bad Boys Coming Home

Much is the comings and goings at Lockhart, Gardiner & Stern… well, it’s mostly the goings as the firm continues to downsize in an effort to stay afloat. But this week heralds the dramatic return of the ousted Stern in a case that could very well topple the floundering firm. Also, Peter makes a political play and pushes Alicia too far. How far will he go to get his wife back?

In the case this week, a satirical cartoon featured in the newspaper The Vindicator leads to a bombing at the paper’s office. An employee, Jeffery Sanbourne, was killed in the bombing. His widow sues The Vindicator, believing they contributed to his death. At first negotiations seem to be going well. Mrs. Sanbourne’s attorney is quite happy with the $350,000 settlement offer. Mrs. Sanbourne is pleased with neither the offer nor her attorney, as she promptly fires him and brings in Stern. With a new foothold, Stern seeks to make good on his promise to bring down the firm to the tune of 25 million. Ouch.

Outside of Will’s office Alicia meets Gerald Costco. He introduces himself and asks Alicia to take a message back to Peter: that he’s sorry.

In a funny coincidence, Carey went to college with a girl who is working with Stern on this case. In between making out, she tells him that Stern wants Carey to join with him. The offer seems to tempt Carey; no contest for associate, no wondering about lay-offs or money. She tells him that Stern has already signed 11 other lawyers, including Julius Kane, the lawyer working on their prominent case.

In Peter world, it seems Childs is changing tactics; he’s trying to find a different claim to nail Peter to the wall. While Peter and his team wonder what this new aim is, they get sudden illumination when Peter passes Costco’s message. Costco gets immunity if he testifies against Peter. Eli later tries to blackmail Costco into keeping quiet, but it seems the “new” Peter is not much of a threat.

Carey tells Will about Stern trying to poach him and his successful poaching of Kane. Will and Diane meet with Kane who agrees to stay on when Diane agrees to meet his salary and start a diversity hiring initiative. In return, Kane will give them the names of the 10 other attorneys who will then be fired.

Kallinda and Carey realize that the bombing at The Vindicator was an inside job and the expert witness for the defense was keeping secrets. Turns out he is a fired ex-employee who had an admiration for explosives. With his case fallen apart, Stern looks to settle for the initial 350k, the high offer now is 250k.

In a genius political move Peter brings his family to church and cuts out to meet with Eli and Costco. Costco tells Peter that Childs has more dangerous evidence including a tape of them meeting in a hotel room. Peter reminds Costco that he has information on him and his married son, and in a show of Old Testament Peter rips Costco’s shirt to expose the hidden wire.

During this time, Alicia has been wondering about Peter’s absence. She catches them just in time to see a Costco leaving with Peter looking on. At home, Alicia sets up a date with Will. She seems unconcerned that Peter is listening on. Peter questions if she is trying to make him jealous, Alicia says she doesn’t care anymore and that their marriage is over. She’s tired of thinking that he’s changed. Peter stays behind as Alicia storms out of the apartment. Peter hesitates, staring at the home monitoring device. And in one decisive moment he steps into the hall setting the alarm off. Hearing the alarm Peter determinedly presses for the elevator.

Is that enough? Peter is willing to tempt jail to keep his wife. Does this convince you, or is it too little too late?

Next week: Consequences.

Season 1, Episode 19: Success (originally aired April 27, 2010)

For more on The Good Wife, click here.

Tuesday at 10/9c on CBS

Photos courtesy of CBS and John Paul Filo and David M. Russell.

America’s Next Top Model: Whew. That Was Close.

No koalas. Or wolves or monkeys for that matter. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, see the comments on last week’s article. The remaining girls did, however, take pictures with an animal. That’s a teaser. We’ll come back to it.

The girls arrived in New Zealand after what I can only imagine is one heck of a long flight. They were greeted by a group of aboriginal dancers on the side of a volcano, which is pretty freaking awesome no matter how you slice it. They were also greeted by Jay Manuel, who told them their challenge, which was the day of go-sees, began immediately.

As always, the girls went by themselves on a set of go-sees to local fashion designers, and had to report back to a home base by a certain time. Out of the six remaining contestants, only three made it back before time was up. Raina and Krista were slightly late. Alasia, to no one’s surprise, arrived a full forty-five minutes after the deadline. The remaining girls – Jessica, Alexandra, and Angelea – were greeted by Sara Tetro, host of New Zealand’s Next Top Model. Of the three girls who were not disqualified, Angelea was the only one who managed to make it to all six go-sees, and she booked them all. The girl has a knack for fooling people into thinking she’s a classy, put-together person. Jessica got one booking, with several of the designers accusing her of being too commercial. Alexandra got zero bookings, most of her criticism revolving around her lack of make-up and casual dress. Needless to say, Angelea is this week’s challenge winner.

The photo shoot put all of the girls into the same gorgeous dress, challenging them to make it stand out as their own. They had to do this on a grassy hillside while posing with a sheep. It had horns. His name was Prince. I liked him.

Alexandra had a great shoot and appeared to have turned last week’s dismal performance around. Krista had another great week, along with Raina. Jessica struggled with having a high fashion face, Alasia checked out of the entire shoot again, and Angelea…well, I don’t know what happened to her. Krista won best photo for the second week in a row, and Jessica landed in the bottom two with Alasia. Much to my surprise (and delight), the judges chose to give Jessica another chance.

I like Alasia, I do. She seems like a sweet girl, but she has a lot to learn and some growing up to do. I think Jessica is the prettiest girl left in the competition, and it makes me feel like I’m learning something about fashion as long as she remains part of the show. Will she make the cut next week? Only time will tell…

For more information on the judges, photographers, or designers, click here.

Season 14, Episode 8: Welcome to New Zealand (originally aired April 28, 2010)

For more on America’s Next Top Model, click here.

Wednesdays at 8/7c on The CW.

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Martina Monica Tolot, Nigel Barker/Pottle Productions.

Glee: You Are Beautiful

Oh, Glee. Why must you do this to me?

One of the things I think makes Glee such a great show is that it always manages to add a touch of humor when tackling heavy topics such as sexuality, teen pregnancy and mental illnesses. But last night’s episode dealing with weight issues was a bit of a dud – although to be fair, it would’ve been hard to top last week’s Power of Madonna!

Sue Sylvester has a big interview coming up with Splits Magazine and she wants her Cheerios in top form. New Cheerio inductees, Kurt and Mercedes, need to make sure they fit in – Mercedes, especially. Sue tells her she needs to lose 10 pounds in a week or else she’ll be kicked off the team. Not cool, Sue!

Mercedes caves into the pressure and reverts to eating… nothing! Mercedes starves herself to the point where everyone around her begins to resemble food and she passes out. Quinn comes to the rescue, however, and reassures Mercedes she’s beautiful the way she is. Quinn knows all too well what it’s like trying to be a skinny cheerleader and letting Sue control your every move.

This week also sees the return of Kristin Chenoweth as April Rhodes, washed up Glee Club star. I don’t quite understand what her entire purpose in this episode was, frankly. Aside from the fact that Chenoweth is amazing and she and Matthew Morrison have great chemistry together, did they really have to bring her back? Please don’t overdo it, Glee! All these ladies turning up in Schuester’s life does nothing to change my belief that he’s a total womanizer.

Kurt also can’t seem to get over his crush on Finn. He even goes as far as to hook up his dad, Burt, with Finn’s mom, Carole. The plan seems to be working out well – Burt and Carole are head over heels for each other! But Kurt gets upset when Finn and his dad begin bonding over sports. Kurt is such a sympathetic character and his solos are always fantastic, but this storyline was a bit weak. Honestly, what did Kurt expect? Finn is 100% straight and his dad is equally a manly-man. Still sucks to see Kurt so upset, though. He needs some love!

Glee ended the episode strong with Mercedes’ cover of Christina Aguilera’s “Beautiful.” Weight and appearance is always a tough topic to tackle because it is so prevalent in our society, but I don’t know if Glee really handled the topic as smoothly as it has handled other controversial topics in the past. This episode just felt very dull.

For another take on this week’s episode, check out An Introspective Glee by Allison Toner.

Season 1, Episode 16: Home (originally aired April 27, 2010)

For more on Glee, click here.

Tuesdays at 9pm on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro

Chuck: Chuck Versus The Honeymooners

No, the title of the episode does not mean that Chuck and Sarah battle Ralph Kramden & Co. Really, the episode is about Sarah and Chuck fighting themselves—more specifically, fighting the new confines they have placed on their finally-consummated relationship.

Everyone can stop whining and start squealing with glee now: Chuck and Sarah are officially a couple. There are no more Bryce Larkins, no more Shaws, no more CIA- duty-is-more-important. They’re just two gushing people riding a luxurious train through Europe. For the whole teaser of the episode, they do nothing but boff each other’s brains out and order room service. You’d think no conflict could come from this, but because it’s television, it does.

Beckman is getting antsy because Chuck and Sarah are AWOL. Essentially, they are doing now what Sarah wanted to do at the beginning of the season: quit the business and go on the run together. Chuck declined that previous invitation out of a sense of duty and loyalty to his country. But now he seems to be thinking with something other than his brain. It’s hard to fault Chuck for this, especially since the show wastes no opportunity to show Yvonne Strahovski in skimpy undergarments…but at the same time, it’s like…if Chuck could be convinced and flip flop this easily, why didn’t he just say yes in the first place, and then we could have skipped all the drama of these last fourteen episodes.  Now yes, I know that in reality, the answer to that question is that because then there wouldn’t have been conflict and there wouldn’t have been a show. But there ought to be more substantial character reasons that justify.

The bad news about being a spy—or a mercenary or a cop or an assassin, I’d imagine—is that you can never really turn off the training. If you see someone shifty, if you see something suspect going on, it has to be really hard to ignore it. This is the dilemma that confounds Chuck and Sarah when they see armed dudes on their train that came from Bad Guys Central Casting. Both Sarah and Chuck think that the other person doesn’t want to do the spy stuff anymore, so they both pretend not to notice and not to care…and then have to invent reasons to separate so that they can go investigate. Once they realize that they share this common desire, they decide to team up for one last mission before they ride off into the sunset.

Meanwhile, Beckman dispatches the recently-reinstated Casey and, reluctantly, Morgan, to track down Chuck and Sarah and beat them with a rubber hose. No one knows that they are actually trying to help the U.S. government now, so when Casey arrives, his natural instinct is to arrest them and take them in. I love Casey. Even though these people have bent the rules to help him when he himself has gone rogue, he doesn’t care. He just acts with a wonderfully gruff disregard for social contexts and personal histories.

Of course, eventually Casey is persuaded that Chuck and Sarah are telling the truth, and the three of them—with Morgan in tow—have to team up to bail each other and stop the nebulous terrorist baddies that are up to some kind of no good. Taking a cue from The Defiant Ones, Chuck and Sarah have to engage in some martial arts mayhem while handcuffed together. Sarah also sits on Chuck’s lap as he speeds away on a motor scooter, similar to how Pierce Brosnan and Michelle Yeoh did it in Tomorrow Never Dies and how Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz seem to do it in the upcoming Knight and Day.

Other conflicts: Ellie and her nimrod boyfriend planning their going-away party for Doctors Without Borders and whining about how Chuck isn’t around, and Morgan lamenting Chuck quitting the spy business just as he was getting brought into the fold. Of course, Chuck and Sarah won’t really quit. But I am holding out hope that Ellie and Nimrod are indeed leaving…and will never come back.

Overall, the proceedings are Chuck at its best: lighthearted and obvious, kept afloat by an entertaining and appealing cast.

Season 3, Episode 14: Chuck vs the Honeymooners (originally aired April 26, 2010)

For more on Chuck, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal and Paul Drinkwater.

Gossip Girl: Down With Jenny Humphrey

“Dorota, I need a story that doesn’t end with ‘and then I came to America.’”

Oh Blair, I love you so. I love you more every week, even when you are being mean to Chuck. Ahem. Sorry. Onto other, more pertinent goings on around the Upper East Side. Oh, and in Brooklyn. We cannot forget the important role that fine borough played.

We learn a bit more about the misadventures of Lily Van Der Woodsen Bass Humphrey Etc (Kelly Rutherford), which turn out not to be misadventures at all but an attempt to hide some mysterious illness that starts with a “c” from her family. I’m guessing cancer, but who knows. The writers obviously don’t want to be worried with making sure a treatment plan is accurately represented, so they choose not to say exactly what’s wrong with her. Her ex-husband (played by Billy Baldwin) has been treating her illness. He is now interested in reforming a bond with Serena (Blake Lively) and the again missing Eric (Connor Paolo). Even though S has spent the last few years looking for him, and even ran out on Nate (Chace Crawford) in her pursuit, now that he’s here she isn’t sure what she wants. Women. Ha.

Enter the diabolical and poorly dressed Jenny Humphrey (Taylor Momsen). She begins the episode by finding a way to crash at Nate’s apartment after a rousing match of Wii tennis, then struts around the kitchen in one of his dress shirts for breakfast. Chuck (Ed Westwick) arrives with a couple of ladies (because, apparently it takes more than one woman to satisfy the drunk cravings), and gives Jenny some advice – make Serena jealous and she’ll dump Nate in a second. Jenny “accidentally” takes Nate’s shirt home and makes sure Serena sees it. Then she goes drinking with Chuck and Nate, but the walls come crashing down when Serena shows up just as Jenny is bad-mouthing her and trying to smear her disgusting lipstick all over Nate’s mouth. Ick. Serena and Nate have a quick conversation in which they realize pretty quickly that Jenny has been deviously lying to them both, then Nate throws her out. Highlight. Of. The. Season.

Blair (Leighton Meester) has decided to celebrate being single again by throwing a party for some eligible bachelors, but when no one shows she goes to accuse Chuck of declaring a “dating fatwah” on her. He denies it but come on, who are we kidding? We all know he did. That sexy little manipulator. Blair accosts Dan (Penn Badgley) in a cafe and demands he take her out to find socially inept boys who’ve never heard of Chuck Bass. He agrees, but Blair falters before closing the deal with a post-Chuck kiss with a cutie boy from Columbia. In an awesome moment, one that shows her character’s astonishing growth since Season 1, she tells Chuck that it’s okay she’s not ready, because they loved each other and she’s not over him. When she does kiss someone, it will be because she wants to and not to prove something to Chuck. Nice moment, actually. Real and believable.

I mentioned Dan, briefly. He and poor little Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) are having a rough week. Which we all saw coming when she applied for the same writing program as him. And not just any writing program, but the one thing he’s wanted more than anything else his entire life. Turns out there’s only one spot, and Vanessa beats him out. He “accidentally” kicks up some drama when he lets it slip to a fellow writer whose dad just happens to know the dean that Vanessa adapted her screenplay from one of his stories. Vanessa finds out and they confront one another about what’s really going on. Which, in my opinion, is nothing. She shouldn’t have lied about applying for the program. He shouldn’t have tried to get her blacklisted behind her back, although he really didn’t. That’s not a Dan Humphrey move. He’s too nice for that crap, and Vanessa should know better. I’m feeling very blah about their relationship and don’t care much one way or the other if they stay together.

It looks like we’ll get some more Daddy Drama in the final episodes, and of course Serena’s father is not operating above board. Looking forward to more Billy Baldwin. Maybe Eric will come back, who knows? Maybe Clinton and Stacy from What Not To Wear will attack Jenny Humphrey. Perhaps Chuck and Blair will find a way to patch things up.

I know, wishful thinking on all counts. A girl can dream, right?

For another take on this week’s episode, check out Dating Fatwas and Such by Matt DeGroot.

Season 3, Episode 19: Dr. Strangeloved (originally aired April 26, 2010)

For more on Gossip Girl, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Giovanni Rufino

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