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Gossip Girl: The Men on This Show Are Dense

“I never thought the worst thing you would ever do would be to me.” – Blair

The episode, like the quote, was a downer. My fears over Chuck (Ed Westwick) and Blair (Leighton Meester) came to fruition, though the writers did manage to surprise me with how it all went down. Impressive. I’m depressed now. This show will be an empty shell for me without their coupledom.

Eric (Connor Paolo) is back. I guess he was in Japan. How could no one have told me? He immediately catches on to Jenny’s nefarious plotting and tries to talk her out of it. In other random Gossip Girl threads, Vanya (hottie Aaron Schwartz) and Dorota (Zuzanna Szadkowski) are getting hitched. Awesome.

Dan (Penn Badgley) and Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) are still working through their how do we still be friends while we have sex issues. This week they are set to critique each other’s writing but Dan is afraid to trade. Vanessa makes him, but when he ends up not liking her script he doesn’t know what to do. In the end, he lies and says he does (dense boy move #1). What a jerk. Rufus (Matthew Settle) tried to advocate for the truth, but Dan took the chicken way out. He finds his own script all marked up in her bag, prompting an honest conversation by the end of the show. Will the competition between them upend their blissful two-week relationship? Stay tuned. If you can manage to remain awake.

Jenny (Taylor Momsen), meanwhile, has some sort of delusion that allows her to believe she could win Nate (Chace Crawford) away from Serena (Blake Lively). I don’t know if a world exists in which that is possible, but it’s not the one we live in. Especially if she continues to dress weird, sport a terrible haircut, and refuses to ditch the wine colored lipstick. Ick. Last night Serena planned a surprise party for Nate, and when Jenny finds out Nate has been led to believe everyone is blowing off his birthday, she steps in and takes him to lunch and a movie. He goes, believing Serena is being flaky and Jenny is simply being a good friend (dense guy move #2). Her flirtation is completely clunky and obvious, prompting Nate to remind her the day spent together meant nothing other than friendship. I’m hoping she’ll give up. Please give up, Jenny. I can’t take any more uncomfortable moments.

So, once again we are left with Blair and Chuck. As a quick reminder, Chuck has lost his precious hotel the past few weeks to his conniving, evil cousin Jack Bass (Desmond Harrington). This week, Jack makes Chuck an offer. He can have the hotel if Blair spends a night with Jack. This is sort of sick and twisted. I love it. Chuck says nothing of the offer, but Jack tracks down Blair out shopping and advises her that she’s the only one who can help Chuck get his business back. Blair refuses, which made me so proud of her. She asks Chuck how the meeting went with Jack, if any offer was made. Chuck responds, “Nothing I would ever consider.” For five minutes, they made me so happy. Then, the poo hit the fan, lightning struck the outhouse, whatever. Chuck breaks down, shouts at Blair, and says the one thing that cuts her to the quick – that by losing the hotel he’s become everything his father said he was – a failure. Blair decides to go to Jack, having a contract drawn up. When she freezes like a cold fish, Jack stops and confesses that Chuck agreed to maneuver her into spending the night with Jack. Chuck basically set the entire thing up. Blair goes to see him, heartbroken as she should be. She tells him all he had to do was ask, that she would have done it for him anyway. Chuck tries to explain, saying she promised to stand by him no matter what. Uh…I’m not sure she ever thought that would include pimping her out. Just sayin. (dense boy move #3). Blair leaves him. Good girl. But I still hope they manage to work it out, for the sake of my Monday nights.

For another take on this week’s episode, check out Indecent Proposal by Matt DeGroot.

Season 3, Episode 17: Inglourious Bassterds (originally aired April 5, 2010)

For more on Gossip Girl, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Giovanni Rufino

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