America’s Next Top Model: I Still Know Nothing

I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating. I know nothing about fashion, or modeling, or designers, or…you get the point. Which probably makes me unqualified to review this show, but let’s not get caught up in details. This week proves to be no exception when Tatianna, one of the prettier girls in my mind, is sent packing even though her photo wasn’t bad.

Oops. Did I just start with the end? My bad. Let’s start over. The girls didn’t fight at the house this week, so that relieved me. I can only take so much screeching. Anslee cried a lot about missing her family and her daughter, which is getting to be par for the course. Alexandra, the “plus size” model who is at least twenty pounds lighter than my size eight, moped around about getting bad feedback at the shoot. Otherwise, pretty tame on the home front. Thank goodness.

The competition began with a teaching moment on chemistry. The girls had three minutes to pick up Nigel Barker. If you didn’t see it, I cannot even begin to explain to you how uncomfortable the entire situation turned out. For one thing, Nigel did NOTHING to encourage the girls or engage in the conversation. It was like flirting with a bump on a log. Some of the girls were just weird. Angelica did an MC Hammer dance. Not sure why that’s sexy. Jessica did everything but get them both naked. Nigel looked ready to run.

Next is the challenge portion, where the girls have to create a steamy moment with comedian Ross Matthews. Some of the girls did weird stuff – it scared me a little. Jessica had some great photos and won the challenge, scoring thousands of dollars in diamonds. I think she’s cute. Young, naive, and over-eager, but cute.

The real photo shoot, oddly enough, didn’t involve chemistry or a man. Instead the stylists trussed the girls up in “fake” clothes, handbags, hair, eye color, you name it and took pictures on New York’s Canal St. This is the part where I don’t get high fashion, because I thought they looked ridiculous. All of them. Even the ones who emerged with decent photographs.

Jessica won best photograph as well, marking a great week for her and putting her in line as my favorite as well. Like that means something. Tatianna and Alexandra landed in the bottom two and, like I spoiled above, Tatianna went home. There are eight girls left, and right now I’d say it’s anyone’s game to win. But that’s probably because I don’t know any better.

Fashionistas and model experts – let me know below!

See more on the designers, photographers, Tyra, and the judges here.

Season 14, Episode 5: Smile and Pose (originally aired April 7, 2010)

For more on America’s Next Top Model, click here.

Wednesdays at 8/7c on The CW.

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Barbara Nitke, and D-Nice/Pottle Productions Inc.