Gossip Girl: Down With Jenny Humphrey

“Dorota, I need a story that doesn’t end with ‘and then I came to America.’”

Oh Blair, I love you so. I love you more every week, even when you are being mean to Chuck. Ahem. Sorry. Onto other, more pertinent goings on around the Upper East Side. Oh, and in Brooklyn. We cannot forget the important role that fine borough played.

We learn a bit more about the misadventures of Lily Van Der Woodsen Bass Humphrey Etc (Kelly Rutherford), which turn out not to be misadventures at all but an attempt to hide some mysterious illness that starts with a “c” from her family. I’m guessing cancer, but who knows. The writers obviously don’t want to be worried with making sure a treatment plan is accurately represented, so they choose not to say exactly what’s wrong with her. Her ex-husband (played by Billy Baldwin) has been treating her illness. He is now interested in reforming a bond with Serena (Blake Lively) and the again missing Eric (Connor Paolo). Even though S has spent the last few years looking for him, and even ran out on Nate (Chace Crawford) in her pursuit, now that he’s here she isn’t sure what she wants. Women. Ha.

Enter the diabolical and poorly dressed Jenny Humphrey (Taylor Momsen). She begins the episode by finding a way to crash at Nate’s apartment after a rousing match of Wii tennis, then struts around the kitchen in one of his dress shirts for breakfast. Chuck (Ed Westwick) arrives with a couple of ladies (because, apparently it takes more than one woman to satisfy the drunk cravings), and gives Jenny some advice – make Serena jealous and she’ll dump Nate in a second. Jenny “accidentally” takes Nate’s shirt home and makes sure Serena sees it. Then she goes drinking with Chuck and Nate, but the walls come crashing down when Serena shows up just as Jenny is bad-mouthing her and trying to smear her disgusting lipstick all over Nate’s mouth. Ick. Serena and Nate have a quick conversation in which they realize pretty quickly that Jenny has been deviously lying to them both, then Nate throws her out. Highlight. Of. The. Season.

Blair (Leighton Meester) has decided to celebrate being single again by throwing a party for some eligible bachelors, but when no one shows she goes to accuse Chuck of declaring a “dating fatwah” on her. He denies it but come on, who are we kidding? We all know he did. That sexy little manipulator. Blair accosts Dan (Penn Badgley) in a cafe and demands he take her out to find socially inept boys who’ve never heard of Chuck Bass. He agrees, but Blair falters before closing the deal with a post-Chuck kiss with a cutie boy from Columbia. In an awesome moment, one that shows her character’s astonishing growth since Season 1, she tells Chuck that it’s okay she’s not ready, because they loved each other and she’s not over him. When she does kiss someone, it will be because she wants to and not to prove something to Chuck. Nice moment, actually. Real and believable.

I mentioned Dan, briefly. He and poor little Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) are having a rough week. Which we all saw coming when she applied for the same writing program as him. And not just any writing program, but the one thing he’s wanted more than anything else his entire life. Turns out there’s only one spot, and Vanessa beats him out. He “accidentally” kicks up some drama when he lets it slip to a fellow writer whose dad just happens to know the dean that Vanessa adapted her screenplay from one of his stories. Vanessa finds out and they confront one another about what’s really going on. Which, in my opinion, is nothing. She shouldn’t have lied about applying for the program. He shouldn’t have tried to get her blacklisted behind her back, although he really didn’t. That’s not a Dan Humphrey move. He’s too nice for that crap, and Vanessa should know better. I’m feeling very blah about their relationship and don’t care much one way or the other if they stay together.

It looks like we’ll get some more Daddy Drama in the final episodes, and of course Serena’s father is not operating above board. Looking forward to more Billy Baldwin. Maybe Eric will come back, who knows? Maybe Clinton and Stacy from What Not To Wear will attack Jenny Humphrey. Perhaps Chuck and Blair will find a way to patch things up.

I know, wishful thinking on all counts. A girl can dream, right?

For another take on this week’s episode, check out Dating Fatwas and Such by Matt DeGroot.

Season 3, Episode 19: Dr. Strangeloved (originally aired April 26, 2010)

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Mondays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Giovanni Rufino