Gossip Girl: Still Pimping Bing.com

I only started watching Gossip Girl a few months ago but if I could go back in time I would almost certainly start keeping tabs on how many times this show features a bit of not even remotely subtle product placement for Bing.com. Give it up! We will never abandon Google! Ever!

Sorry. I really had to get that off of my chest. On the story-front of this week’s episode, everyone is getting ready for the big Polish-style wedding of Dorota and Vanya (Zuzanna Szadkowski and Aaron Schwartz). Even Blair’s dad (the “Inconceivable!” guy from The Princess Bride) is going over the top to make their wedding day perfect because in the wake of last week’s happenings, Dorota and Vanya are pretty much the only happy couple left on the show.

Squints is desperately trying to mend things with Blair and strangely his best effort is to sponsor the Polish wedding and volunteer himself and Blair to stand in as the happy couple to give them away at the traditional ceremony. I’ll give Squints points for originality but I would have maybe given more thought to alternative swooning methods instead of one that involves them acting as a happy couple straight out of the gate.

As it turns out Blair feels the same as me because despite all of the advances, apologies, and Eastern European wedding games she can’t quite get past the fact that Squints tried to pimp her out for his hotel. Even when she realizes that they are both too twisted to be with anyone else, she can’t stomach the idea of being with him and so it looks like the breakup will continue. Expect full-on Squints man whoring in the episodes to come!

On another unhappy couple front, Serena is being shady (not new) and lying to Nate about some of her daily activities. Turns out that she is meeting up with an old flame named Carter (Sebastian Stan who was just cast as Captain America’s sidekick, Bucky, in the upcoming film version) and is trying to hide it from Nate knowing that it will make him jealous. She should know by now though that on this show he will always find out somehow and of course he does so she fesses up that Carter is helping her find her father but there is nothing more to it than that. Carter then shows up at the Polish servant wedding with the location information of her dad but insists that she has to catch her flight immediately with no time to tell anyone where she is going. Stupidly, she agrees.

On the way to the airport Serena realizes that Carter knew about her father’s location for more than a week and really was hoping to bang around with her again so she kicks him out of the car and continues on to the airport. Now, a smart girl would have paused, called Nate, and possibly invited him to come along for moral support as she confronts her AWOL father but instead she calls Nate and leaves a message with that demon girl Jenny who answers Nate’s phone at the wedding. Jenny will obviously not share Serena’s message leaving Nate to only believe that Serena left the party with Carter for no reason.

Jenny, you are an evil hussy and I loathe you.

On another front Rufus attempts to contact Lily to come home and be his date for the Polish servant wedding. She is supposed to be at her mother’s care facility but is nowhere to be found when he calls so she has clearly been a lying hussy like Jenny. Rufus is appropriately peeved. But just think how peeved he’s going to be when he hears that it is Lily who opens the door when Serena shows up at her mysterious father’s apartment! All I can say is: Unhappy Couple #3.

There is only a sliver of hope for a happy couple on Gossip Girl and it comes in the form of Eric and the dreamy guy he met in the lobby last week, Elliot. But there is a catch. Elliot shows up at the Polish servant wedding with his…GIRLfriend. Oops. Guess we read that one wrong! But wait, later on he asks Eric to dance with him…huh? Oh! He’s a bisexual! All is right in the world. Go get em, pal.

So that’s this week’s episode in a nutshell. The Poles got married. Three relationships are sliding down the crapper fast. And Eric has a crush on a guy who swings both ways. Can’t wait to see what the last four episodes of the season hold so send me your predictions now!

For another take on this week’s episode, check out You’re Breaking My Heart (Again) by Trisha Huntsman.

Season 3, Episode 18: The Unblairable Lightness of Being (originally aired April 12, 2010)

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Mondays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Giovanni Rufino