Oceans Review: Joy to the Fishes in the Deep Blue Sea

You know those movies that have great special effects that everyone raves about and you’re told that you must see. Well, Oceans is one of those movies but for a special and unique reason—its REAL! Oceans takes you on an adventure under the sea where you witness beautiful and mysterious creatures that inhabit our oceans. You are in the center of the action swimming with dolphins, whales and sharks, playing with otters, relaxing with sea lions or marching along with some crabs. Oceans is a “joy to you and me” that I highly recommend!

As we learn on Disney’s Oceans’ website, “nearly three quarters of earth’s surface is covered in water” and in the film we witness “never before seen imagery captured by the latest underwater technologies.” Directors Jacques Perrin and Jacques Cluzaud filmed for four years to get enough footage to create Oceans. It makes sense—you can’t certainly yell cut and coach a whale into jumping higher out of the water, you simply have to wait for it to happen. This adds to the uniqueness of the film and I applaud them for creating this unbelievable natural masterpiece!

The film begins with a young boy posing a question, “what is the ocean?” Pierce Brosnan, the narrator, replies that, “the answer isn’t in a book. You must see it for yourself. Hear it. Taste it. Feel its power. Live it.” Oceans accomplishes these things for its viewers as it travels across and within our world’s five different oceans through the viewpoint of the animals.

You feel like you are actually swimming with the ocean creatures. Plus, the film has plenty of tender scenes like a mother walrus holding its young baby or a mother seal coaxing its baby into the water for its first swim. However, Oceans also portrays some harsh realities that these sea animals are facing—pollution, global warming, fishing nets (some heart-wrenching scenes of animals caught), the food chain (parents beware there are a few scenes of sharks and orcas going after and catching sea lions) and what the movie lists as the most important—human indifference.

Oceans was a captivating film—its run-time is listed as 1 hr and 43 minutes and I was actually surprised how quickly time flew by while watching. I found the amount of narration to be perfect—it wasn’t too much which allowed you to completely focus on whatever animal was on the screen.

The film footage in Oceans is spectacular. There were so many moments throughout when I thought, “Wow, how did they manage to film this?” I was also impressed that they were able to capture the numerous animals in their natural habitats without disturbing them. Besides the superb graphics, the sound quality of the ocean and the animals was astounding.

The movie was not only visually attractive but informative…I learned many interesting facts about the ocean and its animals. Who knew that humpback whales sleep upside down; only 1 in 1000 baby sea turtles make it from the beach into the ocean after hatching; or that beluga whales each have their own individual sounds.

Oceans is a fantastic film for all ages (little kids in the theater were really into it especially when they saw Nemo a.k.a. the clown fish). Released on Earth Day, Oceans also proves to be a gentle reminder of our responsibility to help maintain the ocean for these many magnificent animals.

As a final note, don’t rush out when the credits begin to roll, stay and watch some behind the scenes footage of those who for four years practically lived in the ocean beside these animals to capture the amazing footage.

Photos: Galatee Films – Pathe Production – Notro Films – France 2 Cinema -France 3 Cinema – JMH/TSR.

The Vampire Diaries: Does Betty Ford Treat Blood Addiction?

Oh, Stefan, are you ever a mess. His cheery disposition may seem like a nice change of pace considering his usual somber attitude but it’s because he’s been throwing back the human blood (stolen from a blood bank) and since he had been off of the stuff for many years, he now can’t get enough. Think of an alcoholic falling off of the wagon – only gorier.

Stefan thinks he’s putting on a pretty good act that he no longer has the cravings but Damon puts two and two together within minutes when he is told by the sheriff and evil Uncle John about a recent blood bank robbery. When confronted, Stefan claims that he is fine and has the situation under control but as a viewer we’re led to believe that this couldn’t be further from the truth.

The backdrop to all this drama is the Miss Mystic Falls pageant for the upcoming Founders Day holiday. Both Elena and Caroline are selected to sit on the court and while Caroline craves the big win more than anything, Elena is indifferent at best but goes forward with it in honor of her mother who would have wanted her to. The competition includes rigorous interviews, dancing lessons, and culminates with a very uppity pageant event complete with violin covers of Coldplay songs. Elena naturally chooses Stefan as her escort and everyone expects that the crown is hers to lose.

On a side note, Bonnie (Katerina Graham), who has been MIA for the last few episodes is back in school after mourning her witch grandmother and is acting all kinds of awkward. She basically blames Stefan and Damon for her grandmother’s death (accurate) and is taking it out on Elena and their friendship. In a nutshell we have yet another character on the show whose allegiance is now in question when the shit starts to go down – and with the end of the season approaching it’s probably going to be going down real soon.

On the day of the pageant Damon confesses to Elena that Stefan isn’t really as in control as he is putting on and has been drinking stolen human blood. She reacts with total shock and of course, Stefan walks in just in time to figure out what they’re talking about. He takes it pretty poorly and runs off with another debutant, Amber (Spencer Locke), in tow. Poor Amber doesn’t appear to be the brightest girl in the world but we can’t hold it against her too much since Stefan puts her under a little mind control spell to chill out while he drives out to the woods where he can suck her blood in private.

When they reach their secluded destination, Stefan struggles to resist taking a big old bite out of her but fails miserably and does it a little bit at a time. At one point he even lets her run away only to catch her again for the final bite but that’s when the cavalry arrives in the form of Elena, Damon, and Bonnie who puts a sort of calming spell on Stefan causing him to run away instead of rabidly pummeling all of them.

Luckily for them he goes straight home where Elena and Damon team up to tranquilize him and lock him in the cellar where they hope to have him sweat out his cravings and go back to being the pleasant, nice vampire that we have all come to know and love. And for his love life’s sake I hope he does it fast because there was some serious sexual tension between Elena and Damon during their impromptu dancing at the pageant (after Stefan bailed to eat another chick) and I can totally see something developing between them quickly.

Oh and Caroline won the Miss Mystic Falls pageant but no one (including me) really seems to care.

Creepy Uncle John on the other hand is on a quest to find some kind of “invention” from the 1800s not realizing that by now Apple probably has an App for whatever it is he’s looking for. He believes Pearl has it and sure enough, she shows up at the end of the episode and gives it to Damon as a peace offering for the whole torture episode a couple weeks ago. We’re not really sure what the thing does but neither do they so we’ll hopefully know more very soon!

And finally, on a non-storyline front, has anyone else noticed the lighting on the show getting progressively darker by the episode? I realize they are trying to set a Gothic mood and it’s not going to be lit with floodlights BUT there are frankly scenes where you can barely make out these gorgeous actors’ faces and I think there are probably ways to light the show and retain the mood without losing 3/4 of the screen to complete black. Just a thought.

Season 1, Episode 19: Miss Mystic Falls (originally aired April 22, 2010)

For more on The Vampire Diaries, click here.

Thursdays at 8/7c on The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Bob Mahoney, and Quantrell Colbert.

Project Runway: Karma Catches On – The Finale

I must admit, I was kind of despairing about this season of Project Runway, and really I was not looking forward to this finale. We have been taught over and over again in life (or maybe it was the fairytales) good triumphs over evil, the bad guys don’t win, it all catches up to you in the end. With that being said, the presence of Mila and Emilio in the final three was more than a nuisance, it was a crack to the very foundation of my beliefs. That being said, thank God for Seth Aaron.

It’s the finale of Project Runway and the final three designers, Mila, Seth Aaron and Emilio are at Bryant Park Fashion Week awaiting the final runway which will deem one of them fashion king (or queen).

As you would expect, emotions are high as all of the designers reflect on just how momentous this moment is. With everything they have to gain ($100,000, HP technology suite, and their own fashion line) failure here would be heartbreaking.

Each of the designers start sizing up the competition, and while Emilio and Seth Aaron take the high road of benevolence, Mila thinks she’s already won. In the design room, Tim comes to offer some final words of advice. Seth Aaron works on cutting down his 24 outfits into the 10 that will be included in the show. Tim is pleased with Seth Aaron’s designs, calling them clean and sophisticated. Tim is less enthused with Emilio’s work, it’s all too familiar “haven’t we seen this before.” In proper Emilio form, Emilio disregards Tim’s advice and thinks he knows the judges’ tastes better. Mila’s look Tim calls more Rock and Roll, than before. I’m not quite sure what that means, but it’s a good thing.

On to the Runway, the guest judge this week is Faith Hill. (Don’t get me wrong, I love Faith Hill, but for the finale I think they should have gotten a more powerful name in fashion.)

Overall there were not really any truly astounding pieces to go down the runway; everything was pretty much above-board “okay.” But there was one outfit that made me gasp with its beauty, but that’s just not enough.

Seth Aaron is the first to show his designs. The inspiration for his collection was 1940s Germany and the Russian Military. Okay… Seth Aaron’s designs were nice. He used color along with patterns to create signature designs. My favorite outfit was this all black ensemble with plaid tights. Another striking piece is this plaid suit that was fitted to the model so that it looked reptilian. Though I am not a fan of reptiles, I admire the way this was done.

Mila’s show was inspired by shadows. It would have been nice if she described what exactly she was going for with the shadow theme. Is it the mysteriousness, the moods of shadow, the way they cloak and reveal; I don’t know. And her collection didn’t really help that. It seems the only thing she was relying on is that shadows are dark…and so were her clothes. There really was nothing else there, her first outfit was frumpy, one shirt looked splashed by rainwater from a car going too fast, and one potentially nice dress was killed by an oversized necklace.

Emilio’s collection was titled “Color Me Bad” inspired by his mother and aunts. There was no further explanation. Emilio’s collection was nice; there were a lot of classic pieces and urban wear. My favorite was a blue jacket tailored in the Japanese fashion. Correction, my favorite was Emilio’s last gown: it was gold and floated down the runway. As soon as his model walked out in it, I caught my breath. It was truly astounding.

In the final judging, the judges congratulated all the designers on a successful show. They also gave individual critiques. For Seth Aaron, the judges were pleased with how sophisticated the collection was. Nina loved the patterns and the many ideas present in his design. Michael thought the collection was exhilarating, powerful, luxurious, and young. To Emilio, Faith Hill expressed how blown away she was by the designs. Michael called it great American sportswear though Heidi thought there was a lack of cohesion in the collection and Michael thought he could have gone further. For Mila, Heidi liked the changes made in the collection and Nina thought the styling (hair/makeup) helped the collection a lot, although she didn’t find anything surprising.

So, who is the winner of Project Runway, Season 7? That would be Seth Aaron, just beating out Emilio. Bye-bye, Maya 2.0 (Mila), see you in 15 years!

Season 7, Episode 14: Finale Part 2 (originally aired April 22, 2010)

For more on Project Runway, click here.

Thursdays at 10pm EST on Lifetime

Photographs courtesy of Lifetime.

Bones: The Predator in the Pool

I had a moment watching the latest Bones where it occurred to me how utterly absurd it is that a television program can make someone care so much about the intricacies of a fictitious relationship between two characters that don’t exist. It’s absurd, and rather wonderful too. In the back of my head I know that Booth and Bones are figments of imagination and shouldn’t really matter to me as much as they do, and yet I can’t stop watching them with a rabid zeal tantamount to that of a seven-year-old munching Frankenberry cereal while racing a go-kart.

This week, it’s another strong episode in a mostly strong season that finds Booth and Bones called into action when human remains are found in the body of a tiger shark. This was no act of nature though; Bones finds bite marks on the bones coming from several different species of sharks and fish that don’t live in the same natural ecosystems. The conclusion? The victim was killed in an aquarium.

Bones is helped in this identification process by Dr. Catherine Bryar (Rena Sofer), an attractive bigwig at the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association who has eyes for Booth. Booth has eyes for her too, though the only reason he’s looking with them is because Bones gave him the cold shoulder. Trying to encourage Booth, Bones offers: “She’s easily as pretty as I am. I mean, using me as a standard.” Booth tells her that she is the standard.

Another incentive encouraging Booth to go out with Bryar is that Bones seems to have rather actively resumed her flirtation with Booth’s loser, weasel-looking boss Hacker. I thought we’d wrapped up that moron’s involvement with Bones earlier this season in the “Night at the Bones Museum” episode. But now he’s back and putting the moves on Bones. I cannot understand—and believe me, I’ve tried—why she would be attracted to him. She even concedes to Booth that he’s not as handsome as he is, so what does she like about Hacker, his personality? Because he’s rather lacking in that department if you ask me (or even if you don’t).

There’s a great scene where Booth and Bones are sitting in the diner and start talking about their upcoming dates, and Hacker calls Booth on the phone to talk about the case. Bones tells Booth to tell Hacker that she said hello, and then Hacker tells him to tell her that he’s really excited about their date. You can feel Booth’s frustration and annoyance jump out of the screen. “Did you two want to speak to each other or was there something you wanted to tell me?” Booth asks. In other words, keep your little giggly teenage bullshit to yourself and get out of my face or I’m going to get the biggest gun I can find and blow as many holes into you before I get hauled off to federal prison. Okay, maybe I’m projecting a little bit there.

But in all fairness, it makes sense that Bones and Booth would want to start seeing other people—although their definition of seeing other people is decidedly different—in order to put as much distance between the awkward, aborted romance between them. Booth has more to prove than Bones does in that regard, and I like his choice a lot better than I like hers. Of course, whenever the two of them try to talk to each other about the goings on in their developing dating lives, it never stops being awkward and a whole lot of subtle emotions fly back and forth. It’s at once both exciting and torturous to watch.

As for the murder case, it’s quite good too. It offers an opportunity for Bones and Hodgins to go scuba diving in the big-ass aquarium to look for more remains and particulates. “We’re going to need a bigger boat,” Hodgins cracks, but the famous Jaws reference is lost on Bones, who later on also shows her ignorance of the Rat Pack. I love it when Bones and Hodgins actually get to become physically involved in the investigation. Normally, even when Bones gets out of the lab, it’s just to back up Booth as he interrogates someone. But I love the rare instances where we get to see that she has physical skills too that are unique to her. And Emily Deschanel looks great in a scuba suit.

The victim was a self-help/motivational guru fraud who was just asking to be murdered by someone. The case is complicated by the involvement of a Russian mobster. Hacker encourages Booth to leave the mobster alone because he’s already being investigated and because of all the political bla bla bla that weasels like Hacker always cower behind. But Booth is not a believer, and he takes on this mobster after getting the help he needs from Bones and Hodgins. It’s great to see the investigative beast in Booth, his frustration at having to fight politics.

And when he interrogates the guy, Mr. Mobster acts all cavalier and devil-may-care, knowing that he is untouchable and that he is the most powerful guy in town. He keeps trying to charm Booth and shut him down, until it hits him like a ton of bricks that Booth is the proverbial diamond in the rough. Booth is the guy that can’t be intimidated, that can’t be bought. He may act affable and easygoing, but it’s really enjoyable to be reminded that if you push Booth he will push harder until he knocks your ass down.

The culprit turns out to be delightfully twisted, and the case wraps up a little early, giving us enough time to see Bones and Booth go on their separate dates…and then meet up to talk to each other about it. I loved that ending because it showed that, even when they’re going out with other people, Booth and Brennan are still the most important to each other.

Season 5, Episode 18: The Predator in the Pool (originally aired April 22, 2010)

For more on Bones, click here.

Thursdays at 8/7c on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro

Supernatural: Brother vs. Brother, Gods: The Reunion Special, and Rings of Power

It’s disconcerting that angels are dropping like flies these days but then again what can we expect, it’s the apocalypse. The events that transpired in this week’s episode of Supernatural were pure goodness. We had gods from world religions show up and they had fun with violence, carnage, and a dash of humor in the process.

Initially I thought this was going to be like any old filler episode but unexpectedly the plot got pushed forward in a way that I’d never anticipated. Sam and Dean drive up to a roadside motel like they normally do to get out from a horrible storm, but what they find instead is The Elysian Fields Hotel decked out in upscale furniture and a full course buffet (with great pie!). No coincidence that the place is called “Elysian” after the Elysian Fields in Greek mythology where the souls of the virtuous and heroic went to in the Underworld as their final place of rest. The man at the concierge desk turns out to be Mercury, Roman god of messengers (also known in his Greek name as Hermes) and extremely fast. Unbeknownst to the Winchesters, a group of gods from different world religions and mythologies have gathered together at Elysian to talk about the apocalypse and what course of action they should take. Some of the gods in attendance were Ganesh (Hindu god of beginnings), Odin (chief Norse god and ruler of Asgard), Baldur (Norse god of light, beauty, and love), Kali (Hindu goddess of time, doomsday, and death), Baron Samedi (Haitian voodoo Loa) and an Asian god I presumed to be Shangdi (supreme creator in traditional Chinese religion). Battlestar Galactica alumnus Rekha Sharma plays Kali.

Sam and Dean are to be used as bargaining chips as this council of gods attempts to figure out a plan of action. Odin and Shangdi get into an argument about who’s the better god while Kali is all for fighting against the angels. Mercury wonders if they could try the diplomatic approach by talking to them. This scene was particularly interesting with Baldur’s introduction of the apocalyptic events taking place, succinctly calling it “Judeo-Christian”. In the Supernatural world multiple gods exist accordingly with the world religions (past and present) represented. The writers are able to bring up the question, just because the Judeo-Christian apocalypse is happening does it affect all the other gods? Then it makes viewers wonder how are they affected? Odin scoffs and claims that if it were truly the apocalypse then a great serpent would appear and a wolf would eat him. Kali seems to infer though that the battle between the angels would just tear the world apart and ruin it for them, not that one group was necessarily more powerful than the other.

Unexpectedly Gabriel shows up to rescue the brothers, but at first it appears that the other gods don’t know his true identity as Baldur refers to him as Loki (Norse god of trickery). Gabriel knows that if Lucifer is summoned to their little gathering that they would all die but we’re not sure what his motivations are. He explains that he used to have a thing with Kali. This is an unexpected side to him after our last encounter with the archangel where he just wanted Sam and Dean to hurry up and play their parts already so that the apocalypse would be done and over with as soon as possible.

Kali though already knows who Gabriel really is and takes his blood (along with Sam’s and Dean’s) to bind them to her (so they can’t leave the hotel). She tries to kill him but Dean discovers that it was faked and talks to the archangel out in his car. He gets pissed off that Gabriel is still unwilling to take a side, while the other pointedly says that he can’t kill his own brother and that Dean should understand.

Lucifer shows up unannounced and begins to kill gods one at a time. He picks through them very easily, which makes you wonder what is it about him that makes him so much more powerful than the rest? He destroys them as easily as any regular human. After Lucifer shoves his fist inside Baldur, Kali flames on and douses the angel but alas he is unaffected. Gabriel comes in to save the day telling the boys to take his former girlfriend out of there.

The brothers face off and it was my favorite scene in the whole episode. We get to see Gabriel finally take a side and it’s with the humans. He tells Lucifer that God had it right, that they are better than them because they try to be better and know how to forgive. We get to see a different side to the devil as a wounded brother who is trying to defend his actions. In a surprising twist Gabriel is killed but you can tell that the other angel didn’t enjoy it and was probably reluctant to do so because they were family despite everything. I got the sense that Michael, Lucifer, and Gabriel had closer relationships to each other than with their other brothers. The angel’s death was the biggest surprise of the night and I was bummed that he was killed off.

I appreciate how the writers keep giving us parallels to Sam and Dean’s own relationship as brothers; where they are now trying to work together and to rebuild, their angelic counterparts are set to destroy each other. It’s also satisfying to see Dean back on track and no longer feeling helpless. First he decides to help the gods destroy Lucifer because it was the lesser of two evils. Dean even tells Kali that Gabriel tricked her and faked his death to show how serious he was in siding with the other gods. When the brothers watch the archangel’s parting message to them via DVD the elder Winchester is fully back in the game as they prepare to hunt down the final two remaining rings from the last two horsemen of the apocalypse, Pestilence and Death (they already have War’s and Famine’s rings). When they have all four they have a chance to trick Lucifer back into his cage.

On a side note, the rings of the four horsemen remind me of the rings worn by the Nazgul from the Lord of the Rings books. The Nazgul were nine men seduced by power and became the most loyal servants of the evil villain Sauron. Rings have been used as symbols for power throughout history and literature and it’s no surprise that in the Supernatural universe they play an important role as well.

The final scene of this week’s episode shows Matt Frewer as Pestilence entering a convenience store to pick up flu medication while leaving his phlegm everywhere. Frewer is a veteran actor and has appeared in some great science fiction and horror projects such as Max Headroom, The Stand, Lawnmower Man 2, Taken, Watchmen and most recently on Syfy Channel’s Alice and Eureka. It’ll be a treat to see him play Pestilence in the next episode as we find out how Sam and Dean plan to take his ring!

What Supernatural does best is throw their characters into difficult and impossible situations but they respond in a way that catches you off guard yet remains true to their personalities. The show is great at weaving mythology, history, and current events into their plots that makes viewers think and question larger issues such as religion, family, and relationships. At the same time it doesn’t take itself too seriously and makes us laugh in the process. I also love the little details they put into it, such as Kali’s belly chain with small silver skull charms (Kali is known to wear a necklace of human heads). It shows that a lot of thought goes into each episode.

Only three episodes left to season five! I’m sure all the fans are just as anxious as I am to see how it all ends!

Season 5, Episode 19: Hammer of the Gods (Originally aired April 22, 2010)

For more on Supernatural, click here.

Thursdays at 9/8C on The CW

Photograph courtesy of The CW and Michael Courtney.

America’s Next Top Model: It’s All About an Awkward New Zealand Reference

So another one bites the dust, and we’re down to six. Which means…the big travel announcement. There was a farmer and some fake sheep. Then, the judges acted like they were sleepy and wanted to catch some “Zs.” Which is sort of ridiculous. Whatever. They are going to New Zealand. At least, six of them are.

I’m getting ahead of myself. First, I have to compliment the girls on getting along this week. No squabbling took place at the house, at least nothing loud or crazy enough to make my ears bleed. On to this week’s challenge, which takes us to a drag show. That’s right. And guess who showed up to present the challenge? None other than Miss J Alexander herself. The girls had a runway challenge, each hoping to put their own personality into original designs by Whitney Port, of MTV’s The City. Her dresses were gorgeous, and definitely something I would wear. Which probably means they don’t count as high fashion.

Krista won the runway challenge, which was judged by the drag show patrons. Some of the other girls, like Angelea and Jessica, did well. Anslee didn’t get one clap. The room stagnated in awkward silence. It turned out to be a harbinger of things to come.

The photo shoot concept put the girls in outfits completely made of human hair. I thought it would be strange, and it didn’t disappoint me. In addition to being weird, however, the outfits looked interesting, the photos were full of movement, and the girls did a nice job.

There were several photos I didn’t care for, including Anslee’s, who ended up going home. The other girl in the bottom two was Alexandra. I honestly thought Alexandra’s photo stunk it up more – proving once again that I could never be a judge on this show.

The remaining six girls are headed to New Zealand, and this season is getting crazier all the time. I can’t wait to see what they come up with next week. I hope it involves koalas.

For more on the show, judges, or fashion click here.

Season 14, Episode 7: Big Hair Day (originally aired April 21, 2010)

For more on America’s Next Top Model, click here.

Wednesdays at 8/7c on The CW.

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Eric Liebowitz, and Jerry Metellus/Pottle Productions.

American Idol Giveth and Taketh Away

It was a big week in the Idol-verse. Don’t get me wrong: Idol Gives Back is such a fantastic concept at a time when funds are dire. It’s a beautiful thing when people can still find it in their hearts to give to others when times are so hard for almost everyone. But this week always comes off as a slight disruption of our regularly scheduled program, and it’s always awkward to hear the judges ream someone out over a contestant’s inspirational song choice.

So for now let’s stick to how Alicia Keys characterized the night. Though the singer and pianist was beautiful, warm and gracious, she didn’t tell the contestants anything they hadn’t heard already, but she got this right, even when our hopefuls didn’t. “I really want to help them find what they’re made of and what their character is and how they can be a part of something that’s even bigger than just them. And that’s a great thing to be a part of.”

TOP 7
7. Tim – “Better Days” – I haven’t been very hard on Tim lately because, really, the company he’s been keeping hasn’t been making him look too shabby. But this week all I’ve got is a huge question mark. The judges seemed equally confounded. Ellen compared him to a soup of the day that you don’t want to order. And Simon still can’t shake the picture of him flopping around to “Crazy Little Thing Called Love.” Unfortunately, it was just another bland, barely competent performance.

6. Aaron – “I Believe I Can Fly” – The hardest part about watching Aaron sing was that I didn’t believe he believed that he could fly. (Hey, he shouldn’t have picked such a cheesy song if he can’t take the cheesy backlash!) Plus, his voice was all over the place. He hit some great notes, especially the final one, but then he hit a lot of off, nasally ones too. I was bored for most of it, but he threw a ton of emotion at the song at the end and he got me a smidge. The judges gave him a ton of praise, and then Simon pointed out that his likable personality gave the song a boost even though it wasn’t sung that well.

5. Siobhan – “When You Believe” – Siobhan showed us her non-screechy side, and while my eardrums appreciated the break, she still didn’t manage to make me care about her. Her voice was pretty and more subtle, but the tone of her voice didn’t mesh with the song performed by two extremely memorable, powerhouse divas. The song bored more than it soared, and the three minutes of rambling to the judges about why she chose the song didn’t help either.

4. Casey – “Don’t Stop” – Off the bat, this Fleetwood Mac song was a horrible choice and the judges didn’t hide that fact. It’s a happy song, but I don’t think “inspire” or “emotional” when I think of the song. Then, he barely changed the arrangement and sang a cookie-cutter version of the song. He sang it well, but there was nothing grabbing or memorable about the performance, and I could feel the judges frustrations along with mine.

3. Mike – “Hero” – I don’t necessarily think Chad Kroeger when I think of the big, burly dad, but it’s clear that Mike had heard the critics’ squawks and toned down the cheese factors. For another week, he sat back on stage, strumming his guitar, stripping down the song and sweetly crooning. It wasn’t his strongest vocally, but at least he surprised me with his choices and arrangements.

2. Lee – “The Boxer” – I had very opposing feelings about this one. I appreciated such a different musical turn for once. He mellowed it out and, visibly, let go. He body wasn’t stiff and his face (and voice)  displayed so much more emotion. As Kara said, he truly did connect to the song. But I thought that vocally Lee was straining, and the song made his voice sound a little grating in parts. And with all that gruff in his voice, it’s a fine line to tread. The judges, however, loved it through and through.

1. Crystal – “People Get Ready” – There’s no need to waste words on Crystal’s amazingness. When she proves to not be, I’m sure I’ll have a lot to say. But the best part about her performance wasn’t the touching heart of it or the, actually, inspiring vocals but how she broke down and opened herself to us at the end because when she couldn’t manage to fight off the tears and finish the song when she spotted her dad in the audience for the first time. Some will say she should have held it together, but it was honest and real.

WRAP UP
You may not believe me, but the worst part about this week wasn’t the singing. (Still sub-par, though.) It was the fact that during a week about giving back and inspiring, I saw little inspiration. The biggest problem was that the contestants often justified their song choice by saying it inspired them in their lives, and I think most were hoping for something that would inspire all of us. I guess that’s what the results show with the big boys is for.

IDOLS GIVE BACK
The results show smashed into a telethon was predictably bathed in white and had an interesting mix of performers from Alicia Keys (the mentor), the Black Eyed Peas (the overexposed hybrid), Carrie Underwood (the success story) and Elton John (the knighted man). They were also joined by Jeff Beck, Joss Stone and the Jubilation Choir, Annie Lennox (who not only shared a touching trip to Africa but a beautiful “Universal Child”) and Mary J. Blige and her All-Star band (comprised of Orianthi, Randy, Travis Barker, Steve Vai and Ron Fair). Queen Latifah helped Ryan move the event along. Stars like Jennifer Garner, Victoria Beckham, David Cook, Morgan Freeman, David Arquette and our judges helped to shed light on organizations like Save the Children and Feeding America and the horrors of malaria and HIV/AIDS in Africa. And even Captain Sully, the Hudson River Hero, made a cameo.

It was a little disappointing to see the Black Eyed Peas use the venue to pimp their new song  “Rock That Body,” especially since it’s not the most exciting song to watch perform live and wasn’t executed well. Couldn’t they have thrown in a little “Where Is The Love” for posterity and some added meaning? Thankfully, Carrie Underwood had us covered in the inspiring corner, tearing down the Pasedena Civic Center with “Change.”

What I did kind of like was the added bits of funny infused by Russell Brand and Jonah Hill with their poor man’s excuse for a telethon and George Lopez with his lighting power trip and his judgment of the judges. I especially enjoyed Wanda Sykes’s stand-up over the ridiculousness of exiting contestants being forced to sing their way out and watch packages of happier times. No, it wasn’t comedy at its best, but it kept the night from getting too heavy. (I, surely, bawled my eyes out at least 10 times during the over-extended show.)

Yet, even if the night had been the biggest, most awkward live event ever, it still wouldn’t make a difference because what Idol does each year with Idol Gives Back is completely amazing. No matter how much you hated the performances or hated who America put in the bottom three, nothing could overshadow the stories that we got to see and all the funds it raises, each year, for such good causes. Work well done, Idol.

CURTAIN CALL
In the end, Casey, Aaron and Tim were in the bottom. All of them haven’t proven that they deserve to be in the competition, though Casey and Aaron have both had some really high and low moments. Tim, by far, is the most likable loser in all of Idol history. And so while I’ve been calling for his ouster and was happy to watch him leave, I was a little sad to see him go. Hopefully, he’ll leave behind some of that megawatt smile and positive outlook for the remaining contestants.

PARTING SHOTS
“To remind us, the theme tonight is inspirational songs, and that was about Spiderman wasn’t it?” Simon

“I’m sorry, Ryan. The truth is we e-mailed all those people, but the e-mails may have gone to the spam file because our e-mail address is viagraman82@gmail.com.” – Jonah Hill

“But, Randy Jackson, you’re the only black man on the show. So you’re safe!” – George Lopez

For another take on these episodes, read People Get Ready by Erin Biglow

Season 9, Episodes 32 & 33: Top 7 Performance and Idol Gives Back/Top 7 Results (originally aired April 20 & 21, 2010)

For more on American Idol, click here.

Photographs courtesy of Fox Broadcasting Company and IMDbPro.

American Idol: People Get Ready

We must be getting down to the nitty gritty, readers, as the American Idol performance episodes have officially been reduced to a mere sixty minutes. Despite the dwindling contestants, there’s still a lot of activity to cram into one measly, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it hour (approximately forty-five minutes with commercials). As a result, this week’s edition of Idol has a decidedly more serious tone to it.

Additionally, I suspect the more subdued demeanor is largely due to the heavily promoted Idol Gives Back charity drive and subsequent theme of “inspirational” songs, but it can also be partially credited to, I think, damage control for the zany spectacle of last week’s episode. There simply isn’t time tonight for Seacrest and his exhibitions of temporary insanity, to the chagrin of my desire for some comic relief. The amount of material with which I’m able to poke fun at the modern-day Gong Show that is American Idol only decreases as the season drones on. While I appreciate the efficiency, with only an hour of airtime for the performances from this point on, I’m almost sad to say there’s little more than the singing to eviscerate this week.

Seacrest kicks things off with a dramatically solemn, if not completely unnecessary, reminder of Idol Gives Back, setting the tone for the entire episode: “When you cast a vote on this show, you help to change lives; but this week, your efforts will help save lives. This is the time when we give back, and this is American Idol.” No, this is pretentious self-righteousness disguised as benevolence. American Idol is shallow, grandiose karaoke. Let’s not get our shameless programming mixed up. On with the show!

I’m immediately taken aback when the ostentatious announcement of the judges’ arrival and Seacrest’s majestic descent of the illuminated staircase onto center stage is markedly absent. Instead, the panel is already seated and Seacrest modestly walks down said staircase and actually introduces himself to the audience: “My name is Ryan Seacrest.” Well, hello there Ryan Seacrest! My name is Bewildered Viewer. We’re treated to a brief glimpse of former Idols Didi, Lacey and Paige in the audience before Seacrest tells us there are still tickets left for the Idol Gives Back sister broadcast at the Pasadena Civic Auditorium as though the entire population of Idol spectators resides in the drivable vicinity of Southern California. Per this announcement, I have a feeling parents across every other geographical area of the country had to give their daughters disappointing reasons not to make an impromptu trip to Pasadena Wednesday night.

Alicia Keys, the contestants’ inspirational mentor for this week’s collection of inspirational songs, has an inspirational array of accomplishments to her credit as a result of making inspirational music – so we’re told via obligatory montage. Did I mention this week’s theme is inspiration? In fact, Miss Keys has 12 Grammys and was named the Billboard R&B Artist of the Decade for 2000-2009, in addition to her various charitable efforts regarding the AIDS epidemic in Africa. I don’t need to be convinced of Alicia Keys’ magnificence as I’ve been in awe of her for years, and am pleased there’s a successful recording artist I truly respect making an appearance this week. Personally, I would have found this an untimely episode to trot out, say, Miley Cyrus, and am grateful for the touch of class to an already garish presentation.

Casey James is up first singing the Fleetwood Mac classic “Don’t Stop.” Alicia encourages Casey to find his own connection to the lyrics and evoke it through his performance, saying it’s important that the audience doesn’t “dismiss” him due to the universal familiarity of the song. Instead of “I love this song,” Alicia hopes Casey can cause viewers to think, “I love him.” Considering the overwhelming demographic of Idol fans, I don’t think Casey will have to put forth much effort to complete this assignment – a wide flash of his pearly whites before he utters a single note should do the trick. Unfortunately, while the performance is certainly vocally competent and musically superior (pretty badass guitar work), Casey’s approach is much too straightforward and lacks both the emotion Alicia had advised him to work on and the innovation needed to secure a spot in voters’ memories, especially as the first contestant of the night. The lackluster effort is particularly frustrating given his compelling rendition of John Lennon’s “Jealous Guy” two weeks ago. The most creative aspect of Casey’s performance is the set of cardboard guitars his friends made to show support. The judges are also growing tired of Casey’s business-as-usual presentation. Randy says it was “good” but not his “best,” adding that we’re starting to see “the same thing” from Casey week after week. Ellen commends his guitar playing but thinks “no one will be talking about [the performance] tomorrow,” while Kara also laments the lack of “Jealous Guy” vulnerability and unwelcome presence of “jam band” nonchalance. Simon doesn’t beat around the bush, flatly informing Casey it was “not inspiring,” showed “zero emotion” and contained “no originality.” Although I completely agree, it stings to say those things about Casey who, to echo Kara, I still believe in. With capable singing and nimble instrumentation the performance was good on paper, but with a startling lack of depth, it was also paper-thin. B-

Casey’s closest rival, fellow rocker Lee DeWyze, is up next. He’s singing “The Boxer,” one of Simon and Garfunkel’s many poetic efforts. Lee says this song is inspiring for him because he listened to this kind of music with his parents as a kid, and ended up developing an interest in the guitar as a result. During rehearsal Alicia has Lee speak the lyrics to her to help him understand the actual story of the song on a more fundamental level before adding musical characteristics to aid the storytelling. It’s a beautiful song to begin with, and Lee’s adaptation does it justice. In addition to his acoustic guitar, Lee is accompanied by an adept string orchestra and tasteful piano, and he vocally conveys everything Casey, sadly, did not: sincerity, connection and genuine emotion. I actually believe this song means something to Lee, and the judges do, too. Randy exclaims that Lee has a “big career” ahead of him, while Ellen applauds his “soul” and “depth.” Kara, indirectly dissing Casey, says Lee showed what a difference having a connection to the song makes in one’s performance. Simon directly disses Casey, saying the disparity between his performance and Lee’s are “staggering,” adding that Lee made “The Boxer” sound as though it had been “written a week ago.” I can’t believe this is the same guy I wrote off as a surefire goner during Hollywood Week. A

After a quick hello to hero pilot Captain Sully in the audience, we learn Teflon Tim is taking on the Goo Goo Dolls’ “Better Days.” Alicia says she “like[s] it on him,” while Tim adds, “she wanted [him] to show that [he] meant the words.” That’d be a good start, Tim. Upon initial analysis, this seems like an amazingly sharp song choice given Tim’s usual lack of any musical instinct. However, considering his mystifying emergence from the depths of pitiful unworthiness to nearly listenable competence in recent weeks, I brace myself for the worst: an unbearably empirical triumph from Teflon Tim. God, could it be? I’m not sure I can handle further proficiency from the least proficient contestant. Thankfully, I’m pleased to report the stars have seemingly realigned, as Teflon Tim’s version of “Better Days” is dreadfully off-key from the first measure on. Despite having the same orchestra as Lee to back him up, Tim’s performance never gets off the ground. His delivery is uninspiring to say the least, and I couldn’t be happier. While he seems like a nice enough kid, Tim’s already overstayed his welcome – I feel like I’m the only one who remembers him originally not making it to the Top 24.

Ellen is uninspired herself, comparing Tim to “the soup of the day.” Sometimes she likes it, sometimes she doesn’t. Tonight, she doesn’t. Kara decides to take the high road, tactfully saying this week “wasn’t [Tim’s] best execution,” while Simon says, in light of Tim’s recent improvement, tonight’s performance was a “letdown.” Seacrest marvels at Tim’s complacent disposition, calling him “gazpacho,” quickly adding, “cool soup,” for those who don’t know what gazpacho is, which I suspect is many. Groan. I think this song, not unlike Idol itself, has certainly seen “Better Days.” C

I’m going to have to issue a disclaimer before delving into the next critique: I can’t stand R. Kelly, both musically and as a person. His sketchy past and slimy demeanor frankly gross me out, and “I Believe I Can Fly” might be on my list of least favorite songs of all time. That being said, of all people to pick this as their “inspirational” song, the fact it is Aaron Kelly is amusingly ironic to me. I wonder if he has any idea what kind of shenanigans R. Kelly has allegedly been involved in, especially when he says he’s been singing this song since he was five years old, first debuting it at a preschool graduation. Wow. Needless to say, I already have difficulty being objective in my review, and the performance hasn’t even started yet. Alicia is dubious, but for different reasons. She diplomatically says the melodrama of the song could be “overkill,” and Aaron declares he doesn’t want to be “intimidated” by its histrionics. For the first half, however, intimidated is exactly what he seems. His vocals are tenuous and the arrangement is underwhelming, and just when it looks as though Aaron’s nerves have officially won him over, the second half begins to soar in comparison. Overall, it’s by no means a rousing success, but it’s always more desirable to end on a better note than you started, as opposed to the other way around. This kid still seems to have no grasp of contemporary music – has he turned on a radio since kindergarten? – but indisputably has the basis of undeniable vocal talent.

Randy says Aaron held it together despite the “funny” arrangement. Ellen, taking a lesson from the Randy Jackson school of grammar and says he “handled it real good,” while Kara compares the performance to a shaky take-off. Simon says it turned out okay if he takes Aaron’s likeability into consideration, but “in the real world” he would have “turned it off in ten seconds” had he heard it on the radio. I certainly didn’t hate it, but for me it’s still an intolerable song sung by a well-meaning but uninspiring vocalist. B-

I’m dismayed to admit I’m looking less forward to Siobhan’s performances as the weeks continue. I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but she’s almost pulling an Andrew Garcia by starting out so strong and raising the bar that her failure to live up to expectations has been sadly disappointing. She’s still wonderfully weird and captivatingly kooky, but her decision to sing “When You Believe,” the 90s duet by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston from a Disney movie no one remembers (I looked it up for you: The Prince of Egypt. You’re welcome.) is so startling in its generic embracing of mainstream mediocrity I’ve almost given up hope entirely. The Siobhan we knew mere weeks ago would have turned up her nose at such drivel. “When You Believe,” really?! When I believe this shameless impostor has been rightfully banished and the real Siobhan has reentered the competition, I’ll let my doubt subside. Alicia, however, is optimistic, saying she’s “very impressed” with Siobhan’s vocal skills, and adding that she can do “things most people can’t do.” It turns out to be the best Siobhan has sounded in weeks, but still strangely restrained and completely void of the edgy quirk that made her so endearing in the first place. Plus, the song sucks.

Kara agrees, saying it may have technically been sung well, but she has no idea who Siobhan is as an artist and, at this point, would “rather hang out with [her] than buy [her] record.” I couldn’t have said it better. Randy and Ellen offer little in terms of helpful criticism, the former calling it “just okay,” and the latter saying it was “confirmation of why [she’s] in the competition.” Simon thinks it was strangely “old-fashioned” and “all over the place.” Siobhan tries to say this song has “touched [her] deeply” in the past, which is the aspect of the performance I find hardest to believe. B-

Big Mike has been preparing himself for Idol glory for some time, admitting he had compiled a playlist in recent years of more than 200 songs to choose from if he ever made it on the show. Tonight, he chose to use his go-to catalog for inspiration, albeit drawing a strange conclusion. When he says he’s singing “Hero,” I immediately think of the Mariah Carey hit from years back, but it’s actually the Nickelback theme from Spider-Man. Huh. I don’t know if that’s better or worse. He sings it well and chooses the accompaniment du jour – acoustic guitar and backing strings – that complements the arrangement, but it’s just not up to the Big Mike glory we’ve come to know in recent weeks. Simon puts my feelings into words for me, saying the performance felt “artificial” and “didn’t quite gel” for him. Kara says the song was virtually “unrecognizable,” which I don’t necessarily think is a bad thing, while Randy and Ellen continue their positive sentiments that don’t contain much substance. Given other sub-par performances tonight, I think Big Mike has at least proven himself worthy of the Judges’ Save – for now. B

Seacrest teases us before the break that Crystal will be completely sans instrument this week, which makes my ears perk up. Since we’re six Idols down and one to go, she’s also closing the show and I’m relieved that things will at least be ending on a definite upswing. Her inspirational song choice is Curtis Mayfield’s “People Get Ready,” and Alicia says she “know[s] people are gonna love this performance,” calling Crystal “one of [her] favorites,” and “very, very special.” Okay, people, get ready, because it turns out Crystal may have even sounded better vocally without an instrument to focus on. She begins with a haunting a cappella that renders the studio silent – nary a peep from the surely captivated audience, or the definitely captivated me – and ends with a startling burst into tears that would have been painfully corny coming from anyone else. In this season of schlock, Crystal is the irrefutable shining light, and only continues to outdo herself week after week, simple as that.

Randy gives her a standing ovation, something I usually find sickeningly overdone but in this case deserving, while Ellen marvels at her antique mic stand and evolving nature. Kara says Crystal is on another level and “just schooled all these other contestants” (that’s not why they call her Mamasox, though, Kara), and Simon is glad to see Crystal get emotional, succinctly saying, “Now that was inspirational.” Crystal’s dad is in the audience for the first time, hence her tears, and Seacrest endearingly gives her his pocket handkerchief. I could use one, myself. A+

Despite the philanthropic efforts and humane themes of Wednesday’s Idol Gives Back, one contestant will still be eliminated, and the tension is growing thicker as fewer duds remain in the competition. The biggest duds of Wednesday night for me are the Black Eyed Peas as they seriously stink up the joint with an abysmal performance of a compilation of sounds I dare anyone to call music. Mercifully, they performed first, making room for the likes of Mary J. Blige (with Randy Jackson himself on bass! Dawg!), Elton John, Joss Stone with Jeff Beck, Carrie Underwood, Annie Lennox and this week’s mentor Alicia Keys to showcase what paid performers are supposed to sound like. A few snippets of impoverished areas of the U.S. and Africa and their accompanying celebrity visitors tug the heartstrings, while unfortunate attempts at comedy courtesy of George Lopez, the usually hilarious Wanda Sykes, and the movie-promoting Jonah Hill and Russell Brand remind me why I can’t stand this crap in the first place. A surprising bottom three is revealed, with Casey (!), Aaron and Tim asked to take a seat in the doomed stools. As Aaron is sent to safety first I begin preparing to throw my television out the window if Casey is voted off. Miraculously, however, even the power of teenage estrogen and Vote For the Worst apparently can’t keep Teflon Tim in the running for American Idol any longer, and he is sent home. Now, that’s inspirational.

Brace yourself for next week, readers, as the Top Six tackle songs by Shania Twain, who will also serve as the contestants’ mentor – I’ll tell you right now, that don’t impress me much. Somewhere in Chicago, however, John Park just let out a cry of regret.

For another take on these episodes, read American Idol Giveth and Taketh Away by Inisia Lewis

Season 9, Episodes 32 & 33: Top 7 Performance and Idol Gives Back/Top 7 Results (originally aired April 20 & 21, 2010)

For more on American Idol, click here.

Photographs courtesy of Fox Broadcasting Company and IMDbPro.

Dancing With the Stars: Bye Bye Kate!

This week features “movie night,” where our stars will be performing to classic songs inspired by some of our favorite movies.  This should be interesting, so let’s get right to it.

Niecy & Louis
Niecy and Louis were up first, performing the Jive to the classic ”La Bamba.”  During rehearsal Louis wants Niecy to slide through his legs and she hilariously demonstrates that she won’t be able to fit.  Niecy is a comedian by trade, but Louis encouraged her to cut down on the shenanigans during practice because it drains her energy.  Their perfromance was fun and lively.  That’s always the case with Niecy because she’s so bubbly and likable, but I thought her footwork was sub-par.  The Jive is pretty unforgiving when it comes to footwork.  The judges had mixed reviews.  Len said she got her personality into the dance and it was well-done.  Bruno found her cleavage distracting and didn’t think she was accurate, strong, or precise.  It lacked the necessary sharpness.  Louis admits that the mistake was his and that Niecy did a fine job.  Carrie Ann said the bottom half of her body was not correct, but it’s good to see Niecy having fun again.  Carrie Ann: 6 Len: 6 Bruno: 6

Chad & Cheryl
If you never thought Chad was out of line before, this week takes the cake.  During rehearsal the pair clash as Chad remains playful while Cheryl is more serious about the routine.  He thinks that she’s acting differently and won’t open up to him about what’s bothering her.  She says that Chad requires a lot of attention and that if she’s not laughing or cuddling with him then he thinks something is wrong when it’s not.  He thinks he knows her so well, and I’m sure that he does – but they should try to maintain some semblance of professionalism.  Tongues are already wagging and things like giving her a diamond ring and pleading for kissess do nothing to dampen the rumors.  When they finally get on the dance floor there doesn’t appear to be any lingering tension, but Chad’s Disney-themed Quickstep was too frenetic.  It lacked control and could have been sharper, but I still thought he did an okay job.  Bruno said it was too wild and lost refinement.  Carrie Ann said it was strange and uneven.  She said the body contact was most lacking, and Chad responds that he’s having a ball and they have plenty of contact.  Carrie Ann says that this is a dance competition and she doesn’t know what he’s talking about.  Len actually thought Chad did a pretty good job.  Carrie Ann: 6 Len: 6 Bruno: 6

Erin & Maks
Erin and Maks took a step back with last week’s Tango.  They will try to rebound with a Jive inspired by the iconic Pulp Fiction dance scene between John Travolta and Uma Thurman.  They predictably argued during rehearsal, but their performance was fun and pretty good.  Erin seemed to really tap into her inner Uma.  If you contrast her footwork with Niecy’s I think Erin’s was much better.  She and Maks have great chemistry, which undoubtedly fuels speculation that they are more than just dance partners.  Carrie Ann liked it and enjoyed the story, despite the mistakes.  Len said it was a tough routine that got hectic at times, but overall they did a really good job.  Bruno said Erin got the Uma magic perfectly and that this was her best timing ever.  While they await their scores Brooke questions them about their “lover’s quarrel” and asks if love is in the air.  Erin responds, “Not until he gives me a ring like Chad got Cheryl.”  Things that make you go hmmm…..Carrie Ann: 7  Len: 7  Bruno: 8

Jake & Chelsie
Jake and Chelsie will be performing a Cha Cha Cha inspired by the Tom Cruise classic Risky Business.  To get into character he shows up to rehearsal shirtless like Tom Cruise, sporting aviator glasses.  The only problem is that Top Gun is not their movie.  He’s got the right idea though.  He begins the routine in a buttoned-down shirt and no pants, just like Cruise’s character Joel from the movie.  He mercifully does not perform the whole routine in his underwear.  Their Cha Cha Cha was fun and technically sound, but I think the whole no-pants thing just turned me off.  Len loves that Jake gives 100% every time, and it almost would have been his best dance thus far if it weren’t for a small misstep.  Bruno said his energy was incredible and he could see some good lines.  It was cheeky and fun.  Carrie Ann loved it.  Carrie Ann: 8 Len: 7 Bruno: 8

Pam & Damian
Pam was appropriately given another busty blonde as inspiration for her dance, a Quickstep inspired by the movie Nine to Five, which starred Dolly Parton.  She excels at the acting component of the performance, and her Quickstep was fun and capable.  I don’t think it was nearly as remarkable as her dance last week though.  Bruno said her characterization is always spot-on and her movement was good.  Carrie Ann said her posture was great and there is something fascinating about her to watch.  Len hated the props and thought there was too much “messing around.”  Carrie Ann: 7  Len: 6  Bruno: 8

Kate & Tony
Time for the remedial portion of the show.  Kate will be dancing to “Don’t Forget About Me” from The Breakfast Club, a true ’80s classic.  During rehearsal Kate’s attitude sucks, as usual.  She questions Tony’s judgment in a passive-aggressive way.  I really feel sorry for Tony; he got a real a dud this season!  His choreography was great and really would have looked better if he had another partner.  Kate is somewhat better than she’s been in previous dances, but that’s not saying much.  She just dances so lethargically.  She wore her welcome out about a month ago if you ask me.  Carrie Ann said some sort of grace is developing and she gives her credit.  She said watching her dance is like listening to Charlie Brown’s teacher.  Len said it was neat and precise but it was more of a stroll than a dance.  Bruno said Tony could have had more life with a frock on a coat hanger.  He said he thought there was a breakthrough last week, but it’s not good enough.  Their performance needs a post-mortem, not a critique! Wow!  Carrie Ann: 5  Len: 5  Bruno: 5

Nicole & Derek
This pair sits at or near the top of the judges’ leaderboard most weeks and hope to stay there with a Tango inspired by the hit song and movie Pretty Woman.  Nicole let her nerves get the better of her last time, so hopefully she fares better this week.  To help her get into character, Derek takes Nicole shopping in Beverly Hills.  Their performance incorporated the right mix of technique and characterization.  It was an awesome performance, absolutely incredible.  I smell at least one 10.  Len said it was her best dance and the best of the season so far.  Bruno screamed that the pride and passion of Tango were portrayed to perfection.  Carrie Ann (in a Molly Shannon voice) proclaimed them “superstars.”  Carrie Ann: 10  Len: 9  Bruno: 10

Evan & Anna
Nicole will be a tough act to follow, but if anyone is up for the challenge it’s Evan, her closest competitor.  During the package Anna travels with Evan to a skating event to squeeze in extra practice time.  They will be dancing a Rumba to Aerosmith’s “Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing,” from the blockbuster Armageddon.  Their Rumba is sexy and graceful.  If talent wins out, Evan and Nicole will be the final two remaining contestants.  They are head and shoulders above the rest.  Evan’s athletic background serves him well; his lines and movement are superb each week.  Bruno complimented his fluidity and said he was superb.  Carrie Ann said there was a tender sophistication about his movement.  Len said it had artistry, musicality, and fluidity through the arms – great job.  Carrie Ann: 9 Len: 9 Bruno: 9  Evan remarks that this is their best score to date.

RESULTS SHOW
Immediately we find out that Kate is in the bottom two, right where she belongs.  Hopefully this is her swan song.  Nicole and Derek are safe.  Thankfully this results show will be shorter than usual, and I’m glad they let us know right away that Kate could be going home.  Next the judges reflect on the performances from Movie Night, and ultimately they choose Jake and Chelsie’s Cha Cha Cha for a repeat performance.  More of Jake in his tighty whities, great!  Last week’s results show was tolerable because of Sade, and this week’s episode boasts Maxwell and some Debbie Allen choreography, so I guess I can’t complain.  Allen assisted with choreography chronicling different eras of dance and corresponding dramatic interpretations of the era.  I especially liked the Austin Powers/Bob Fosse number.  Maxwell is always good, but I was a bit underwhelmed this time.  Back to the results.  They managed to create some suspense when it looked as if Chad or Erin might be joining Kate in the bottom two – but ultimately it came down to Kate and Pam.  Now it would be a crying shame if Pam went home ahead of Kate, and Bruno basically stated as much.  As they roast under the red light, Tom Bergeron reveals that Kate is going home and the world heaves a collective sigh of relief.  I look forward to a competition with stars who look like they can at least snap their fingers on beat!

Season 10, Week 5: Round 4 Performances and Results Show (originally aired April 19 and 20, 2010)

For more on Dancing with the Stars, click here.

Mondays and Tuesdays at 8/7c on ABC.

Photographs courtesy of ABC, Adam Larkey

Glee: The Material Girl Takes Over McKinley High

Two words to describe this Glee episode: Madonna and sex. With a Madonna featured episode, we all knew it would be a little risqué and Madonna-esque. McKinley High made Madonna proud and did a masterful job performing the icon’s songs.

We learn that Sue is obsessed with Madonna—calls her “the most powerful woman to ever walk the earth.” Since she is blackmailing Principal Figgins, she convinces him to loudly play Madonna music all day in her honor. Cheerios wear WWMD (what would Madonna do) bracelets, are encouraged to date younger men like Madonna and Sue will “no longer acknowledge that they have last names.” Oh Sue Sylvester, you crack me up!

The Glee club girls are having issues with boys this week. Rachel hypothetically discusses (because she said she broke up with Jesse) how her date wanted to “do it” but then got upset when she said no. Mercedes wishes she had a boyfriend and Tina is upset that Artie is trying to change her by telling her to “lose the goth thing.” Mr. Schu overhears and encourages them to talk to someone like Emma. However, Emma doesn’t believe she can help with sex issues because she is not experienced. Emma and Will make the decision to work together to help the girls and maybe it will also help Emma.

Will catches an impressive Cheerios performance to a Madonna song, and he decides to assign the group to perform a Madonna number. Mr. Schu also tells the guys that they have not been treating the girls very nicely and need to change that. The guys are not too thrilled about performing Madonna and Puck insists that her music isn’t “show choir” material. In an attempt to change his mind, the girls perform “Express Yourself”—decked out in Madonna-looking attire—but it doesn’t work.

On a side note, Quinn doesn’t look very pregnant. Shouldn’t she be a couple of months along and showing more?? Also, more Puck please…he hardly gets any time to shine.

Santana is struggling with Sue’s order to date a younger man and Brittany suggests she ask Finn out again. So Santana approaches Finn and offers to take his virginity plus lets it slip that Rachel is still seeing Jesse.

Next, Emma questions Sue as to why the Madonna music isn’t playing in her office. Sue bluntly informs her that she had the intercom disconnected because she lacked sexuality and doesn’t deserve to listen to Madonna’s music!

Finn asks Rachel if she is still dating Jesse and she confesses she is. Rachel pleads with Finn to still be her friend, which he agrees to, except if her relationship hurts the club. Next, they sing a mash-up of “Borderline” and “Open Your Heart” and end awkwardly staring into each other’s eyes. Hmm, will they get back together soon? After this, Finn tells Santana he is in to “lose the big v.”

Sue is furious when she discovers that Will has copied her and given a Madonna assignment to glee club.  However, Will stands up to Sue and even insults her with a hair joke of his own which Sue doesn’t take well, i.e. throwing students out of her way in the hallway.

Kurt and Mercedes who have been working on a video dedicated to Madonna, overhear and nicely offer to help her find a new look. Later on we see their video—Sue’s “Vogue” video, which is fantastic but I found myself wishing they hadn’t shown it at the end of the “Hell-o” episode but left it as a surprise.

Jesse and Rachel meet up and he apologizes for trying to force her to “do it.” Jesse tells her that she deserves “epic romance” and he will wait. However, Rachel says that she is ready, although her face tells a different story.

Emma decides to take a page from Madonna’s book and informs Will that she is “planning on doing the nasty” with him that night.

During a performance of “Like a Virgin,” we witness Finn, Emma and Rachel preparing to have sex and a little foreplay with Santana, Will and Jesse. The next day, we learn that both Rachel and Emma didn’t go through with it but Finn did and regrets it because it wasn’t with someone he cared about. Will and Emma set up a no dating policy until his divorce is final (he filed) and suggests Emma see a counselor to get help with her issues.

In two surprising twists, Jesse transfers to McKinley because he “cares about Rachel more than winning another national title.” Although many of the members think Jesse is just spying and Brittany thinks he is Mr. Schu’s son. Plus, Mercedes and Kurt, who have grown extremely frustrated about not getting leads in songs, join Cheerios (they perform “4 minutes”) because they will have “more opportunity to shine” while still remaining members of glee club.

The glee club guys, minus their new member Jesse, finally sing a Madonna song, “What It Feels Like For a Girl.” After doing so, they realize that they haven’t been treating the girls too nicely and need to “make it right with the girls.” Artie apologizes to Tina. Finn also apologizes to Rachel telling her that “I really liked you and I could have had you but I blew it.” Jesse interrupts to challenge Finn to a sing-off but instead Finn welcomes him into New Directions and says he will try to stay away from Rachel.

Next, with a choir as backup, New Directions sings an amazing rendition of (and perhaps one of the best Glee numbers), “Like a Prayer.” Maybe this will be a future regionals number…

Okay, let’s be honest, Jesse’s transfer to McKinley High is awfully suspicious and Vocal Adrenaline looks pretty strong. If Jesse infiltrated New Directions…why? The mysterious drama continues and I have to admit, I still don’t trust him.

Happy to see Mercedes, Kurt, Artie and Tina get some more air time this week! Don’t get me wrong, I like Rachel and Finn but I hope the other characters continue to get to show off their stuff…they are all so talented!

Next week Kristin Chenoweth is back! Plus, don’t forget to add some time to your DVRs in case Idol runs over again.

For another take on this week’s episode, check out What Would Madonna Do? by Stephanie Jaar.

Season 1, Episode 15: The Power of Madonna (originally aired April 20, 2010)

For more on Glee, click here.

Tuesdays at 9pm on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro

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