The Amazing Race: Having a bang in Penang

Quick synopsis of last week: Last leg, Jet & Cord were last, but not eliminated, and Steve & Allie enjoyed a first place finish. Quick synopsis of this week: It’s like last week, only the opposite.

This week we leave Seychelles (but after Steve & Allie enjoy a nice, romantic dinner on the beach that doesn’t make them seem less creepy) to go to Penang, Malaysia.  Since all I know about Penang is that it’s a really yummy curry served at some of my favorite Thai restaurants, I am anxious to have my cultural horizons broadened.  Steve & Allie only have the clothes on their backs, which I assume have been wrung out in a hotel room sink as best as possible.  Louie & Michael and Brent & Caite have formed a kind of alliance, bonded by their mutual desire to take out Carol & Brandy.  Brent & Caite’s motivation appears to be abject dislike, while Louie & Michael cite genuine race-related reasons — Carol & Brandy just speak too many languages, and they thus have an edge in the game.  The cops don’t appear to be threatened at all by Steve & Allie, and give Steve a spare shirt for the leg.  Well, that was nice.

The teams are on the same flight, allowing our cowboys to catch up, and when they land, they have to go to the Snake Temple, which is not nearly as involved as it should be.  I mean, I expected an excellent Indiana Jones visual, and all I got were a few fourth grade classroom pets.   On the race to the temple, Dan & Jordan are graced with an excellent cab driver, as in, the kind that doesn’t so much care about traffic laws and/or personal safety.  The driver goes right past all the other cars and Dan & Jordan get to the snakes first.

The Detour this week is Buddhist Tradition or Chinese Custom.  In Buddhist Tradition, teams have to take a taxi to a Buddhist Temple, where there are giant incense sticks waiting for them.  They then have to carry the sticks (I believe there were about eight) up several flights of stairs to the temple, where they’ll be lighted and they can then hightail it out of there.  In Chinese Custom, they have to balance very, very big flags on their faces.  Essentially, these are giant flags on 32-foot poles which get placed on their foreheads, and they have to kinda run down a length of space while keeping it balanced.  Looks pretty difficult, but it’s also one of those tasks that I bet is much easier than it looks — you just have to get over the fact that you’re balancing a 32-foot pole on your face.  Not surprisingly, four of the six teams pick Buddhist Tradition.

Of the two that pick Chinese Custom, Jet & Cord finish their detour following a pretty brief learning curve.  Then one of them says “Arriba!” for no discernible reason.  Whatever, I still like them, despite their utterly bereft knowledge of the world outside the good ‘ole U.S.  Cord notes that when you’re playing with brooms when you’re a kid, it’s not long before someone says “I bet I can balance it on my nose longer than you can.” Ah, boys.  They do silly things.  The other team who chooses this detour is Steve & Allie.  At least, I think they do.  But then Steve says “follow them” to his cab driver, the them being Dan & Jordan, whom Steve knows is not going to Chinese Custom.  It’s all very confusing.

Over at the Buddhist Temple, Brandy & Carol are not in as good of shape as Brent & Caite, whose complete focus on beating the mean team allows them to make it through the Detour without bickering.  Or maybe it’s just that sparkly accessories give you extra resistance to arduous stair-climbing in crazy heat.  Don’t know — ask Caite and her dazzling gold headband.  Meanwhile Steve & Allie, Dan & Jordan, and Louie & Michael are in traffic trying to get to the Temple.  Dan & Jordan and Steve & Allie end up getting out and running, only to end up at the same wrong location.  But the weird thing about this is, I don’t think Steve & Allie even realize that they are trying to get to a different place than Dan & Jordan.  Anyway, they end up getting back into their cab and heading over to Chinese Custom, where Allie puts the pole on her forehead for, like, 2 seconds, and promptly says she can’t do it and they have to switch.  Which is dumb on multiple fronts — 1) you gotta know at this time that you’ll be the last team to arrive at the other detour; 2) it was so hard for the cab driver to find, you ended up in the wrong place; and 3) you’ve been running, thereby draining your energy, thereby leaving little left to climb stairs.  But really, isn’t the first reason enough?

Anyway, they stupidly switch detours.

By this time, Jet & Cord have already made it to Teluk Bahang, where Jet & Cord’s speedbump awaits.  They have to go to the Tropical Spice Garden (they do weddings!), smell a spice, and then pick the corresponding tea.  Like all speed bumps, it is ridiculously easy and really will only make a difference if the teams are really and truly close together in time.  Jet & Cord get it right on their second try (lest you think they narrowly avoided disaster, they were certain to get it on their third) and then head back to the Roadblock, which requires them to go to the Koil Sri Singamuga Kaliamman Temple (take that, spellcheck!).  At that temple, Cord gets to smash coconuts (which looks like fun) until he gets one that has been infused with color.  Then, using a smashed section, he’s got to decorate a miniature float of sorts, which gets let loose in the water.  All of this sounds way more culturally significant when Phil Keoghan says it, by the way.  Jet & Cord then head out to the pit stop, and Carol & Brandy get to see them leave just as they arrive at the Roadblock.  This, I’m sure, will lead to more idiot savant comments by the mean team during the 12-hour rest period.

Ultimately, following Jet & Cord’s great finish (the first in Race history to get a first place finish despite having a speed bump), Carol & Brandy are second, Louie & Michael third, Brent & Caite fourth, Dan & Jordan fifth, and Steve & Allie are eliminated.  And after that boneheaded Detour move, they really kinda deserve it.

Season 16, Episode 8:  You’re like Jason Bourne, right? (originally aired April 4, 2010)

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Photographs courtesy of CBS and Monty Brinton.