The Amazing Race: Seywhat?

This leg takes us to Seychelles, which is far too beautiful to waste on most of these teams.   Seriously, Race, no India? (Not there’s anything wrong with India. . .I’ve heard great things about Goa).  Louie & Michael say they’re racing smarter by paying attention.  You know, not that others haven’t been paying attention, *ahem* Brent & Caite, they have just figured out that if you, y’know, read the clue, you have a better shot at not coming in last.

Speaking of coming in last, Brent & Caite interview that their lack of detailed focus is keeping them in the back.  Hmmm, I’m sensing a theme here.  All teams board the same flight out, and upon landing, have to race to a set of numbered tags for a helicopter ride out to the Island of Mahe.  Brent & Caite, showing some of that focus they were talkin’ about, deliberately pick seats as close as possible to the front of the plane, as do Steve & Allie, and Dan & Jordan.  Others, not so much.  The takeaway?  Brent & Caite, Steve & Allie, and Dan & Jordan get the first, second, and third helicopters out, while the other three teams are stuck waiting an hour.  Carol notes that it’s hard to wait, and the three strongest teams are in the back.  However, again, it’s Carol, so she has to add that Brent & Caite got “lucky”, by which she means “made a smart and strategic move that her team did not.”  *sigh*  Meanwhile, Caite interviews in the helicopter that she wants to get the “mean lesbians” out, and while I let her get away with this a few legs back, this time, she says it with a smile suggesting she’s a little too comfortable with being anti-queer.  So, shut up, Caite.

Because sometimes the Race gods (unlike those pesky American Idol gods) listen to me, we’ve got an animal-related Detour this week!  It’s Turtle Toddle vs. Ox Trot.  In Turtle Toddle, teams must get a tortoise to, well, move forward.  I mean, technically there are lanes and a finish line, but really, the key here is getting the turtle to actually be interested in moving forward at all.  To coax them out, they get one banana.  Each of the tortoises way over 500 lbs and are over 100 years old, two facts which make me wonder if we really are God’s most favorite species.  Another fun fact about tortoises gleaned from Wikipedia?  On dry land, they move about .17 miles per hour.   Once the tortoise crosses the line, each team has to carry a big bunch of bananas to a fruit stand to get the next clue.

In Ox Trot, the teams have to load a bunch of coconuts on a cart, and then use an ox to lead the cart to the fruit stand.  And by bunch, I mean all of the coconuts in the pile assigned to the cart.  And by all, I mean all.

Steve & Allie pick Turtle Toddle, because turtles are cute, and he has never met an ox he could trust.  Naturally, this made me wonder what oxes Steve has met before, but Allie doesn’t ask. Now either this particular turtle is a fan of the 2008 Phillies, or is exceptionally hungry; either way, he pretty much speeds towards the finish line like a turtle going .18 miles per hour.  Steve & Allie finish quickly and grab their banana bunches – but not their backpacks – and walk to the fruit stand.

On their way to the fruit stand, they pass Brent & Caite, who are riding their ox towards the fruit stand.  They’ve got a bunch of coconuts in their cart.  This time, by bunch, I do not mean all.  Dan & Jordan also choose Ox Trot, and get all their coconuts.  Brandy & Carol, however, pick Turtle Toddle, and their tortoise must be a huge fan of beauty pageants, because this tortoise simply refuses to move.  Wait, take that back — the tortoise moves. At maybe, .02 miles per hour.  And only to the right.  It was kinda awesome.

Brandy & Carol, realizing they can’t switch tortoises, switch Detours instead.  Surely, since they aren’t stupid, they will remember to check for all of their coconuts, right?  Heeeee!

The Roadblock is received on a boat in the middle of some gorgeous blue body of water that 1) makes me realize again how little I know about geography and 2) makes me realize how lazy I am cause I’m not googling it for you.  On the boat, Steve & Allie realize they left their backpacks back at Turtle Toddle.  Allie looks like she really wants to go back, citing the loss of her toiletries, but her Dad doesn’t and he convinces her she’s cute enough not to need make-up.  And here’s where I realize that Steve & Allie, as a father and daughter team, are a little too creepy together, if you catch my drift.  Perhaps this is why they don’t get much airtime?  Just throwin’ it out there. Anyway, Steve takes the Roadblock, which involves diving into the water and untying a bottle that’s tied to the bottom of the ocean.

Back to the overly prettified team of Brent & Caite, they have just realized they don’t have enough coconuts to finish their task.  Brent threatens to quit, and Caite whines that “this is so unfair.”  And by “unfair” she means, “totally fair.” I’m sure she would have felt better about this if she had known 3 of the 5 teams who picked this Detour all neglected to bring all their coconuts.  Indeed, Jet & Cord and, awesomely, Carol & Brandy also have to go back.

So, with that end in mind, the line-up to the pit stop should have been Steve & Allie, Dan & Jordan, Michael & Louie, Brent & Caite, Jet & Cord, and then Brandy & Carol.  Steve & Allie do end up first, winning massages by the beach at the pit stop as a prize (which doesn’t help their creepiness factor) and $7,000 cash.  And Michael & Louie and Brent & Caite tie for third.  At the pit stop, the detectives ask who they want at the end with them, and who they want to come in last this leg.  The cops say Brandy & Carol, and Brent & Caite chime in, with Brent saying that all the teams are pretty much “anonymous” on this point.  Heh.  However, they don’t get their wish this round, as a last minute mistake by Jet & Cord result in a last place finish by our cowboys.  But, never fear, it’s a non-elimination round, so we’ll have those hats around a little longer.

Season 16, Episode 7: Anonymous? (originally aired March 28, 2010)

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