The Amazing Race: Tranquil, at last.

From Singapore to Shanghai this episode, to a completely anti-climactic finish.  Look, I know it’s not the show’s fault that the CMAs were last weekend, but between the one-two-three week punch of the entirely personal ouster of the Mean Girls, then no show, and then a non-elimination, some of the momentum has been sucked out of the Race’s last episodes.  Plus, none of the teams are really that good, y’know?  Although many of them definitely have moments of extreme likability, so I’ll just stop complaining right now.

So, after Jet & Cord inform us that they’ve left their respective loved ones home to travel the world, and Louie and Michael trot out some well-tread we’re-underdog tripe, and Caite issues a completely insincere apology to Brandy & Carol (who can now return to their original names á la the women on For the Love of Ray J upon not receiving champagne), we are off to the Singapore airport.  There, Louie & Michael badger Caite & Brent for details of the U-turn, which Caite is only too happy to recount.  Um, Caite, it was a U-turn.  No need for such excitement.  It’s not like you won a pageant or anything.  (Too soon?)

Jordan interviews that he thinks it was a mistake not to U-turn the cowboys, saying, “We’re all going to look back on that and question that decision.” Two things: 1) Foreshadow much, show? and 2) Dan, it wasn’t your choice who to U-turn at all, and if you wanted an opportunity to do so, you could have not done the Fast Forward.  You made the choice not to go for the U-turn at all, so if you look back on anything, you’ll look back on your decision not to try and U-turn the cowboys when you had the chance.

Anyway, all teams are on the same plane to Shanghai, where everyone gets a cab for Zhujiajiao, or the Venice of China.   Zhujiajiao looks like an incredibly cool place to visit, and inspires the following exchange between the Cowboys:

Jet: “It was a pretty place. I mean, it was neat, kinda tranquil.”

Cord: “Tranquil? What is that?”

Jet: “Like, peaceful, calm.’

Cord: “Oh, like tranquility.’

Jet: “Yeah.”

Cord: “Wow. [I gotta] write that down.”

Remember what I said about teams with extreme likability moments?  That was one of them.

At Zhujiajiao, teams have to make noodles.  Not exactly from scratch, but they do have to form noodles from dough, and it looks a bit frustrating.  The noodles stick to each other and are quite long.  They have to form enough noodles for one kilo, which didn’t seem like much until I realized how hard it was to form them.  Because Caite’s and Jet’s cabs knew where to go, they arrive first.  They are momentarily distracted by the world’s shortest man, He Pingping, who looks like what would happen if a normal-sized person got put in a dryer for too long.  It’s actually quite weird, cause he doesn’t talk while he’s there, and he can’t really move too easily.  Caite calls him “adorable”, because, of course, she’s Caite, and that is what Caite would say. (As of March 13, Pingping is no longer with us.  This is sad, but I am happy for whomever was the second shortest person in the world, because wouldn’t it suck to be the second shortest person in the world, and not get noticed because of this guy?  You’re just, really, really short for no reason.  But I digress.)

Making noodles is hard y’all.  Once Jordan and Louie finally make it there, Jordan gets frustrated and has a minor breakdown.  Of course, Dan then yells at him, cause when someone is frustrated and it’s getting in the way of his/her performance, the appropriate thing to do is to harangue him because that is motivating.  As if.  What actually happens is Dan gives him a hug, tells him it’s okay, and this helps Jordan to focus and regroup.

(By the way, Canaan?  This is how you get your frustrated partner to do something, in case it ever comes up again.)

As for Jet, he finished first, because he’s “magical with his hands” as Jordan puts it.  Since this really demands a further explanation, Jordan elaborates “I’m very jealous of whatever powers [Jet & Cord] have to just control things that we feel like we can’t control.”  That’s not the most elegant way to put it, but I totally get what he means.  And it’s why Jet & Cord, although obviously out of their element in foreign countries, have the best shot at winning The Amazing Race 16.  When Caite finishes, she kisses Pingping, which is really invasive and presumptuous, but totally something Caite would do, his being “adorable” and all.

Next task is in Shanghai’s fashion district.  The teams have to choose a model and put together an outfit with the correct clothing using only a sketch.  It’s not that hard, if you ask me, but, I am a female stereotype that way.  Jet & Cord make lots of we’re-manly-men-doing-fashion jokes, and a few predictable this-will-be-easy-for-Jordan-type statements (as do Louie & Michael).  Jet & Cord work it out, making one mistake as to the correct shirt (got the color right, but the texture wrong), and head out.  Brent & Caite (models, lest you’ve forgotten) finish promptly, and Louie & Michael get grey and black mixed up, which later stalls Dan & Jordan who need the black tights.

All teams end up at the Hongkou Football Stadium for a second Roadblock, the first second Roadblock ever for one leg on the Race.  It’s a cool one, too.  Teams have to assemble a 96-piece puzzle.  Once assembled, the pieces are distributed to a crowd in the stands, who flip them over to reveal the section, row, and seat number of the next clue.  Also whomever did not do the first Roadblock must do this one.

Both Cord & Brent lay out the puzzle pieces on the ground and start arranging them.  Cord has a pretty decent lead, but Brent is gaining. . .until a big gust of wind blows both puzzles, causing several pieces to scatter around the stadium.  And everything you need to know about why Cord’s got a better shot of winning than Brent is explained by their reactions — Brent gets frustrated and goes stomping after the pieces while Cord just immediately starts taking off his clothes (get your mind out of the gutter — his hat and belt, mostly) to use as puzzleweights.  As he put it, the wind was frustrating, but “throwing a fit and kicking and screaming wudn’t goin’ to help get my puzzle done.”  He’s absolutely correct, and the cowboys finish the leg first, winning their third trip, none of which they will be going on together. Brent & Caite finish second, with Brent looking pretty disappointed.

Dan & Jordan and Michael & Louie are in a tie for last at the stadium (which really can be traced to their bad cab drivers at the beginning of the episode — sometimes it really is all about cab karma, ain’t it?), but Dan & Jordan pull ahead, mostly because Michael is really, really bad at putting together puzzles.  He does this thing where he fixates on specific pieces rather than working from the outside-in, like you’re supposed to on jigsaw puzzles.  Anyway, the really cool thing about this episode is that when Dan & Jordan finish, Louie holds out his hand for a congratulatory slap, saying “Good job.”  He also had kind words for Jordan earlier at the noodle Roadstop, and when Brent finished his puzzle, Jordan jumped up and down with Caite in excitement.  These teams are just so nice to each other, and it’s great to see this air of goodwill amongst them during the competition.  I can never say for sure, but it does seem that Brandy & Carol really did contribute to a toxic atmosphere for these Racers.

Louie & Michael finish after nightfall, and know they are last.  Sad music plays.  But silly me, I totally forgot that the last four is pretty much always a non-elimination round.  Phil fakes them out before telling them they’re still in it, and we’ve got one more round left before the finale.

Season 16, Episode 10: I Feel Like I’m In, Like, Sicily (originally aired April 25, 2010)

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Sundays at 8pm ET/PT on CBS

Photographs courtesy of CBS.