American Idol: The Shania Twain Has Left the Station

I’m not sure if it’s residual effects from the heartstring-yanking desperation of Idol Gives Back or merely a byproduct of the end-is-nigh tension, but the ninth season of Idol has officially entered solemn territory as the gloriously tacky intros edited to resemble summer movie trailers have given way to a much simpler, sadly cheeseless approach. As the faces of the six remaining contestants flash before our eyes, Seacrest offers a simple declarative description of each: “A paint salesman. A glassblower. A high school student. A mother. A father. And a construction worker.” Then, with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, we’re reminded yet again just how far these kids have come: “These six lives have been changed forever, but only one can take the title.” Sheesh, Seacrest, we get it – this is American Idol.

With both the announcer and his respectably prudent zeal still mysteriously absent and Seacrest informing us that Idol Gives Back raised $45 million for charity (a fantastic amount of money, but not as impressive when the math turns out to equal about $1.50 per vote), I figure all the fun has officially been sucked out of the remainder of the season. The irony of the show’s kitsch level actually increasing the more seriously it tries to take itself is clearly lost on all creative and executive forces, but at least reintroduces some humor to my viewing experience. Personally, I find the show most enjoyable when it reaches a balance between buoyant absurdity and pretentious gravity, but at least the former on its own is tragically funny – the latter, merely tragic.

Thankfully, as the judging panel is introduced, Seacrest refers to Simon as “the fountain of youth,” which provides the most audible chuckle from both the audience and myself, and the mood is slightly lifted. That is, until Seacrest says, “We are celebrating a very special songbook tonight,” and I remember that Shania Twain is not only serving as mentor this week, but also supplying the repertoire of music with which the contestants have to choose from. Uh oh. Nothing against Shania, but whose brilliant idea was this? I have a feeling this plan was locked down while the powers that be still firmly predicted a parade of girls in the finals. Again, the irony provides slight comic relief. Disaster may be imminent, but Shania herself turns out to contribute an infectiously upbeat attitude and commanding presence that dilutes my pessimism almost immediately.

After learning Shania has five Grammys to her name and boasts the highest-selling solo album for a female artist ever (okay, wow), she tells the contestants why her songs are meaningful to her, and how the Idols can make them meaningful for themselves: “I lived them, I wrote them. I want you to interpret them as though you wrote them.” This is the kind of concise precision Kara wishes she conveyed while blathering on about “interpretation” during judging – simple, yet effective. Things are looking up, I must say.

Before Lee DeWyze takes the stage to sing Shania’s hit ballad “You’re Still the One,” Shania says most of her songs were written “bare bones … [with] just the guitar,” which explains why she advises Lee to simplify and begin his rendition with just his voice and the piano. According to Shania, Lee has a “fantastic style that just needs to come out and not be buried by a guitar.” Personally, I think this statement applies to more than one contestant (Casey, are you listening?), but is good advice regardless. Despite a weak first few notes, Lee recovers quickly and actually changes the melody enough to give the performance its own identity while keeping the integrity of Shania’s version intact. His vocal aspirations are higher than usual, with more sustained notes and a seemingly expanded range. It’s actually quite lovely in spite of a slightly awkward ending, and is, overall, another success for Lee.

Randy says “You’re Still the One” is one of the “best songs ever written,” (!) and that Lee did a “pretty good job with it.” Ellen is more enthusiastic, telling Lee he made the song sound like “his version instead of someone else’s,” and asks everyone to come “aboard the Shania Twain,” something that could only come across as endearing (rather than nauseating) from Ellen. Kara marvels at Lee’s ability to make the song “relevant,” and, referencing the lyrics, says, “Look how far you’ve come!” Indeed, I would have never predicted Lee to make it this far, and with my full support to boot. Lastly, Simon says it was “absolutely the perfect song,” but warned Lee about making “weird faces” while he performs. I also spied the slight Kris Allen-esque sidemouth he’s referring to, but Lee’s guitar face is nothing close to John Mayer proportions – fret not, Lee, we’re paying closer attention to your voice. A-

One of the only welcome symptoms of the recent solemnity epidemic (besides the continuing absence of Crazy Seacrest – I’m still not over that) plaguing Idol is Big Mike’s subdued expression and lack of frenetic movements during the cutaway before commercial. In fact, he looks downright ready for his senior portrait. He must have finally gotten the memo to take it down a notch. Well, that only took about three months. Tonight he’s singing “It Only Hurts When I’m Breathing,” a song I’ve never heard but will guess is a heartfelt ballad about love either gone wrong or left unrequited. Shania’s all aboard the Big Mike twain, swooning with glee as she tells us she’s “very moved to hear his voice to my lyrics and my melody.” Big Mike says his decision to choose this song is centered on its “strength and amazing amount of vulnerability at the same time.” During rehearsal Shania declares Big Mike could “sing the phonebook and people would melt,” but advises “the only ones who really make it in the end are the ones who feel it the most.” So, don’t try and fake it, Mike. Shania will know, and so will we. As for the performance, it is indeed a predictable, but believable rendering of a brokenhearted ballad – exactly what I expected, and exactly what it should be. Mike has also continued his more reserved disposition, singing most of the song while sitting on the stairs, and keeping the theatrical gestures to a minimum when he does stand up and walk around about halfway through. I’m happy with it as a whole, but Shania can hardly contain her enthusiasm in the audience.

The judges aren’t quite as over the moon as she is, but do express their positive reactions. Randy likes how Mike always “finds [his] zone,” regardless of the musical genre he tackles. Ellen says she was a “tiny bit nervous” for Mike to “take on” that song, but ends up comparing him to the late, great Luther Vandross. Kara is glad Mike always conveys connection to what he sings and likes how he “didn’t change the beautiful melody too much,” but “changed it enough” to “make it [his] own.” Simon is impressed with Ellen’s Luther Vandross reference and wholeheartedly agrees, but then inexplicably says the performance was a bit “wet,” which apparently means “girlie” in Cowellism. No matter, Mike can shrug off the Britspeak and chalk this one up as further validation for his save. B+

Casey James knows he’s in a rut and has run out of time to skate by on his looks. The judges’ evisceration last week paired with the elimination of teen dream Tim Urban will have hopefully lit a much-needed fire in the fuse of Casey’s motivation. During his interview with Seacrest, Casey says he wants to “give something new” this week and will do so by eschewing his leading riffs in favor of rhythm guitar and showcasing his vocals by performing “a singing song.” The choice is “Don’t!” the third romantic ballad in as many performances tonight. I suppose I can’t be surprised, given the lack of feasible options for our male contestants from the assigned catalog. Shania notes Casey’s lack of confidence, a puzzling notion considering he “has everything going for [him],” and suggests he take the story of the song and “bring it inside and let it come out through [his] performance” to help boost his self-assurance. It must have worked, because Casey says he’s the most excited he’s been all season for this performance, adding, “I don’t think I’ve sang yet.” Indeed, tonight Casey truly sings more than he ever has, and smartly strips down the arrangement in every aspect. With only minimal guitar and nicely added strings in the second verse, it’s much more reminiscent of the quiet simplicity of “Heaven” and “Jealous Guy,” my two favorite performances of his, and thankfully strays from the disappointing corniness of “Power of Love” and “Don’t Stop.”

Randy calls it “one of the best Casey James performances ever,” while Ellen says she thinks it’s “the best to date,” adding that Casey “sang that like that’s where [he] belong[s].” Kara likes that he didn’t “hide behind” his guitar, and Simon agrees Casey’s in top form tonight, suggesting he give Shania a kiss for thanks. So much for solemnity – I have no choice but to agree with Seacrest when he giddily exclaims, “We got ourselves a competition!” A+

With three successful ballads already behind us, I fully expect the spirit of the show to adopt a more upbeat tone once Crystal Bowersox takes the stage. The first three guys all did well, especially Casey, but with plenty of powerhouse twang in Shania’s catalog ready for our female contestants, I predict a welcome shift for the second half of tonight’s episode. So, when Seacrest actually tells us to stay tuned as Crystal “takes on a Shania anthem,” I gear up for a showstopper. Turns out, while Crystal is speeding things up a bit, it’s actually with another unknown (for me) tune, appropriately called “No One Needs to Know.” One nice thing about a contestant singing a song I’ve never heard is that I have no basis of comparison, thus a truly objective perspective. On the other hand, I have no basis of comparison, thus a truly objective perspective. Part of what helps form a valuable opinion on a show like American Idol is having knowledge of the original version of what the contestant is updating. In any case, Crystal’s undeniable talent shouldn’t hinder the unexpected song choice too much – I’d personally pick Crystal over Big Mike to sing the phonebook to me if I had to choose (sorry, Shania).

The performance is a bit of a departure, as Crystal takes the stage as the lead singer of a folk band, complete with upright bass player and slide guitarist. It doesn’t feel like a Crystal Bowersox performance, but rather a performance from The Crystal Bowersox Band. Nothing is wrong with it whatsoever, but it is a sadly chosen song that never really gets off the ground. For me, it’s album filler and not concert-worthy. Crystal says the message of the song is a not-so-hidden hint to her boyfriend to quit horsing around and propose already. Shania had advised her in rehearsal to “let that song remind her of how it really applies to her real life right now,” and tells Crystal to adopt a “happier” tone, since it’s a “cheerful song.” To sum it up, Seacrest is guilty of false advertising (no way this is an “anthem”) and Crystal actually isn’t the best performer this week.

Randy is happy with someone finally offering a straightforward country interpretation of a Shania song, even comparing Crystal to Nickel Creek, but admits it wasn’t his favorite. Ellen says that even though it’s her “least favorite” performance from Crystal, that’s the same as naming her “least favorite color of the rainbow.” Kara avoids criticism by telling Crystal it’s “impossible for [her] not to be good because [she] comes from a place of truth,” while Simon just spits it out, calling it a “limp” performance reminiscent of something he’d see in a coffee shop. Crystal points out that it’s impossible for her to have lacked “conviction” because, referring to her boyfriend, “he’s right there.”  She also defends her song choice by telling the judges that “bigger isn’t always better.” That is often the case, Crystal, but, sadly, not tonight. B

With my spirit a bit deflated after Crystal’s bewildering (but surely temporary) dethronement, I’m in no mood to deal with Aaron Kelly and his pubescent wailing. Regardless, Shania says his song choice, “You’ve Got a Way,” “suits him beautifully.” It’d better. I’m not sure I can handle another abomination in the vein of last week’s “I Believe I Can Fly,” and I’m not sure Aaron could, either. According to Shania, in rehearsal he seems “preoccupied” with hitting the notes and is failing to concentrate on the main objective of connecting with the song and the audience. “End where you know you feel safe and good, and then they’re gonna feel safe and good,” Shania assures Aaron, also reminding both him and us that since he’s already here and has made it this far, he has no reason to be nervous – he must be good! Right? Riiight. In actuality, it is absolutely the best Aaron has sounded in weeks, and might be one of his most successful performances to date. However, even though he certainly ended “safe and good,” it’s certainly not The Best Performance, to borrow from the Teflon Tim method of skewed judging – it’s a Good Aaron Performance. Unfortunately, the poor guy is still the wettest of blankets in terms of stage presence. It doesn’t help when Kara indirectly pokes fun at Aaron’s alluded-to virginity, noting his omission of “making love” from the lyrics. To make matters even worse, Aaron, the 17-year-old high school student, decides to defend himself by letting everyone in America know that he sang the song about his mother. How this kid escaped from the locker he must have been living in to participate in this show is beyond me.

The judges are nevertheless enthusiastic, with Randy exclaiming, “Dude, this is definitely your wheelhouse! Your land!” which I assume is a compliment. Ellen remarks on Aaron’s “maturity” to embrace the lyrics of such a romantic song, which blows my mind, considering nothing could be further from the truth. He changed the words so they would pertain to his feelings about his mother, for crying out loud! Simon calls the performance “sincere” and says this is “the kind of record” Aaron should make, but quickly adds, “if you make records” as a caveat, letting Aaron know he’s still dubious about his future as a recording artist, as am I. B-

With only one slot left and one contestant to fill it, tonight must be Siobhan’s chance to redeem her disappointing onstage offerings of the last several weeks by closing the show with an actual Shania anthem, “Any Man of Mine.” It’s Shania’s first number one hit, and I’ve actually heard it. Shania advises Siobhan to “get into character,” since the key to performing this song successfully is “all about attitude.” It begins, bizarrely, very low-energy and I begin to bemoan the complete loss of the Siobhan I whose coolness I once admired so much I decided she would make the perfect imaginary friend (Yes, I really just said that, and no, I never lived in a locker like Aaron Kelly). Despite her attempt to rouse the crowd via the unfortunate over-the-head clapping technique that usually never works, a complete twainwreck is miraculously avoided as Siobhan picks it up toward the chorus. By this time, she actually does work the crowd, casually galloping around the studio grabbing hands and staying on key despite the tongue-twisting lyrics. Her signature shriek is also back with a vengeance, getting off to a shaky start but gathering steam by the end, reminding us for a brief moment or two why we were so intrigued with her in the first place.

Randy is practically on his feet, shouting, “I loved it!” multiple times, and noting his approval of the “punk-country” aesthetic Siobhan is sporting this week. Ellen notes it was a good way to end the show, and Kara coyly asks no one in particular, “Guess who’s back?” The answer, indeed, is Siobhan. Simon ruins everything by comparing “the screaming at the end” to the sounds of childbirth, which is really quite crude and unnecessary, even for Simon. While I found the end note the part most thrillingly reminiscent of Siobhan’s best performances, the weak beginning and sadly underwhelming precedent of the last several weeks can’t get me as excited about Siobhan’s “return” as I’d like to be. B+

Wednesday night’s results show had elements that remained (mostly) true to the country theme of both Shania Twain’s mentorship and musical offerings. Jam-packed with live performances to a nearly confusing degree, appearances from the pleasantly tolerable country group Rascal Flatts and The Next Great American Band winners Sons of Sylvia gave way to more unfortunate auditory experiences from Lady Antebellum – they sing my least favorite song on contemporary radio at the moment – and a curiously misplaced Shakira, who can evidently play the harmonica and wants us to think she’s a gypsy. All this was merely a distraction from the saddening elimination, which came down to Casey and Siobhan as the bottom two. Aaron was deemed remarkably safe, and Big Mike was the first of the bottom three rescued from possible ousting. While I began to truly fear for Casey, particularly after his redemption on Tuesday night, I sadly knew all along Siobhan’s time was up, and she seemed to have mentally prepared for the results as well. So much for the departure from solemnity. We’re now down to the Top Five, who will tackle songs from Frank Sinatra’s songbook next week, under the mentorship of Harry Connick, Jr. With the finale less than a month away, I predict a showdown between Crystal and either Lee or Casey. Aaron simply is not long for this world, and Big Mike has third place written all over him.  A shocking boot of anyone’s favorite is possible at any time, however, so be sure to vote. Until next week!

For another opinion about this episode, read Ending On A High Note by Inisia Lewis.

Season 9, Episodes 34 & 35: Top 6 Performance and Top 6 Results (originally aired April 27 & 28, 2010)

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Photographs courtesy of Fox Broadcasting Company and IMDbPro.