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The Real Housewives of New York Review: I'm on a Boat Part 2

Last week’s episode was crazy hilarious.

I have never actually laughed out loud during a Real Housewives moment, but this one had me laughing like an idiot. Simply put, Kelly, while a maniac, makes for great TV. She is seriously unhinged and the combination of her insanity and Ramona’s intoxication was priceless.

But first, let’s talk about prices. This trip was insane. Ramona rented out a yacht for her vow renewal blackout girl party, and if that wasn’t enough, she also rented out this sick mansion on a cliff for the women. It was crazy and huge and I’m sure she spent more on the accommodations for that trip than most people make in a year. After all the drama on the yacht, all future meals had seating arrangements, which is just awkward when you have a group of five. But even the seating chart didn’t calm the storm that is Kelly’s existence.

Rewind to Kelly being mentally unstable. After calling Bethenny a hoebag and claiming she is a cook rather than a chef, Kelly called Jill and cried that she thinks Beth is “creepy” and is probably going to kill her in the middle of the night. WTF. She seriously had a hissy fit temper tantrum in her huge ass bedroom. This was all brought on in the house because Bethenny gave little gifts to all the girls in the form of monogrammed beach bags that were stuffed with beachy stuff. Kelly got creepy because they were filled with Bethenny Skinny Girl products, but whatever. Whoever cries over free stuff definitely has some screws loose.

In a totally random move, Kelly decided she was a photographer and took Alex, Sonja, and Ramona to some beach to take glamour shots. It was weird enough, but then got super weird when she was trying to direct Alex and kept claiming she looked like a devil. I’m all for creative expression, but Kelly’s was just annoying and bitchy and something tells me those photos were crapos.

In what I couldn’t tell was a passive aggressive or nice move, Bethenny made dinner for the ladies. Kelly was freaking out early on. She was being rude on the phone during cocktail hour. She doesn’t like martinis. There was a hiccup over the seating arrangements. Things got crazy quickly.

Bethenny prepared (cheffed, if you will) a lovely meal for the gals. Presentation, taste, etc etc was glorious. Of course Kelly gets her panties in a bunch and soon enough was insulting Bethenny about coming on vacation when her father just died and accused her of trying to kill her and smearing her name in the media. WTF. Kelly kept attacking Bethenny for being creepy and Alex for being a demon and kept demanding that everyone zip it. She even told Ramona that she needed to zip it when she tried to have a reconciliation moment with Bethenny. Aside from being mental, Kelly is also a bitch because she is telling the woman who is paying for her five star existence right now to be quiet. Creepy.

Things just got weirder from here. Before I really thought that Sonja had no purpose other than claiming the Samantha role when the women ended up in groups of four, but she really did prevent any of the women from stabbing each other or jumping off a cliff. Once Kelly really got mental and was talking about jelly beans and lollipops, Sonja told the other girls to stop picking on Kelly because they were all sane, and Kelly legit has mental problems. Then again, she was saying all of this in front of Kelly’s face, but for better or worse, she was the voice of reason. Touche, Sonja.

Back on the Good Island, Jill and LuAnn had dinner, and Jill announced that she planned on surprising Ramona in St. John. You would think she wouldn’t follow through with this ridiculously selfish plan given the many red flags and psychotic phone calls from Kelly, but previews prove that Jill will rain on Ramona’s parade in a week’s time. Creeper.

Season 3, Episodes 12: Sun, Sand, and Psychosis (originally aired May 20, 2010)

For more on The Real Housewives of New York, click here.

Thursdays at 10/9c on Bravo

Photographs courtesy of Bravo and Mitchell Haaseth.

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