Bones Review: “Why Is It That When Things Like This Happen It’s To People You Don’t Want to See Naked?”

Kathy Reichs, who wrote the books upon which Bones is based (and who has had a producer credit throughout the show’s run) wrote this week’s episode, a first for the show. The plot is centered on witchcraft and fascinating tidbits and insights into the Salem witch trials. Actually, the plot is not centered on the murder case, which is unfortunate because the details are so fascinating.

So what is the episode centered on? Angela and Hodgins. If you love Angela and Hodgins as a couple and have been waiting in agony for them to get back together ever since they broke up, then you’ll find yourself cooing and making adolescent noises and smiling like a drunken orangutan. If you’re like me, then you’ll find yourself sighing loudly while bludgeoning yourself on the skull with an empty beer bottle, cursing, and lamenting the fact that Booth and Bones don’t get enough screen time or personal interaction. Except for at the very end, they seem to be going through the motions as placeholders.

Last week we got that great bit of them singing “Hot Blooded” and all the social contract stuff. Here we get zilch. No mention of Catherine from the aquarium, no mention of Hacker (not that I’m complaining), and no romantic tension. I know many people will disagree with me, but I love Booth and Bones so much that every time an episode comes along that doesn’t focus on them, it drives me nuts. I know that realistically it’s gotta be hard to sustain a weekly show built on the chemistry and developments between two leads, so the writers have to go off in other avenues just to keep the leads from burning themselves out. I get that, but the focus this week was just too intense on Hodgins and Angela; they didn’t get the balance right.

Okay, as for the murder, like I said, it was pretty interesting—another reason I wish there had been less focus on Angela and Hodgins. Firemen discover a skeleton wearing a white dress inside a burned down cabin. On the scene, Bones determines that the bones (no pun intended) were “already dried and de-fleshed” before the fire; the skeleton has been reassembled. Oh no, are we going back into Gormogon territory? Thankfully no.

Crows lead the team to another set of remains, this time from a much more recent victim…who happens to be wearing red shoes. “I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore,” Hodgins quips. Camille determines that this victim had no smoke in her lungs, and was thus killed before the fire also. Here’s the real tamale: the skeleton wearing the wedding dress had indicators consistent with forms of torture from the Salem witch trials. Sweets just happens to be an expert on the trials (I guess he took some time off from reading fan fiction and pretending he was a rock star growing up) and inserts himself into the case.

Besides being discovered in unison in the burned down cabin, the bodies are connected in other ways. It seems that the recent victim, one Sherrie Byrd, was also the owner of the cabin, and was also heavily into witchcraft. Sweets suggests that Booth and Bones talk to the members of the local Wiccan coven, who had ousted Sherrie because Sherrie performed the evil voodoo dark arts, and for profit too. Recently, she was hired by a man to put a hex on his ex-wife, and he gave her the wedding dress. Sherrie dug up the Salem body and put the dress on it, which explains that body being in the cabin. But someone (or someones, maybe?) killed Sherrie, and our sleuths have to figure out who. All the Wiccan stuff was pretty cool, and I wish it had been explored even more.

Meanwhile, Hodgins and Angela get plenty of time (did I mention too much time?) to spend together when they end up in jail after they get pulled over for funky driving on the way back from the crime scene. It seems they both have outstanding warrants that have to be addressed. Now of course, it’s a little wonky and convenient that Hodgins and Angela would end up in prison together for something as lame as crossing the double line while playing around with their car on a deserted road. It’s also a little wonky and convenient that Booth and Camille, with the whole support of the freakin’ FBI couldn’t get them out of a jail in the Maryland boonies.

But of course, this whole situation was transparently engineered to give Hodgins and Angela time to profess their undying love and realize they made a big mistake breaking up years ago. What can I say? I like Hodgins (I liked him more when he was angrier), and I don’t hate Angela, but damn I’m tired of this romance crap between them. Okay, now that they’re back together again, can we just keep them together so that we can focus on what the show should really be about?

Very excited for next week’s episode though, that has Booth and Bones dealing with the Gravedigger’s trial. Here’s hoping that setup will provide an opportunity for some intense deranged-serial-killer-conflict like we had with Howard Epps back in season two.

Season 5, Episode 20: The Witch in the Wardrobe (originally aired May 6, 2010)

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Thursdays at 8/7c on Fox

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