The Real Housewives of New Jersey Review: So Moved, Kim D.

Will someone euthanize this season already?!

Since no one associated with the Manzo household would have willingly entered a 50-foot radius of Danielle Staub on their own, the hijinks keep a-coming. And sure enough, the two-headed cyborg is the purveyor of pandemonium.

The Kim D. half uses her Posche Boutique to draw the warring factions together. In the first scene of the show, she vows to Teresa and Jacqueline that time will reveal her trustworthiness as new housewife BFF. And certainly, if Ms. D. keeps these shenanigans up, she’ll find herself a cozy slot for next season. Mind you, this morsel of information comes after she’s added the eensy-weensy disclaimer that, “Danielle might be there.” (Eyeroll.)

Jacqueline pretends to believe that Kim D. is just like her: she simply wants to see the best of Staub. And in stating as much, Jacqueline lends this half of the ‘borg some housewife-er’s street cred. Teresa’s not so inclined, but she has officially accepted the invitation to a Kim D. event, making that a motion.

The rumor mill churns out a whopping 16 text messages to Staub, who–as expected–bites the bait. Like clockwork, Danielle shows up to Posche just to give Kim D. a piece of her mind, further validating her as a viable housewife contender. Shortly thereafter, Kim D. phones Ashley—Staub’s public enemy No. 1—to fit her for the Posche runway. (EYEROLL!)

Jacqueline’s daughter shows up to the boutique, only giving a cursory thought to why Ms. D. didn’t ask Christine instead. But not one to back down from cheap self-esteem boosts, “I’m not going to say no!” Ashley joins the band—even after D. sends her a sideways insult: “Takes a long time to get you together…but when you do you’re gorgeous!”

Staub originally promised NOT to attend after learning of the Manzo stunt: “Kim D. is absolutely, positively playing me for the last time.” So Kim dangled the “friend” word a couple of cycles. Danielle’s RSVP is reconfirmed.

The fashion show finally begins at the North Jersey Country Club. When Danielle observes that Jacqueline and Teresa are seated at Kim D’s table—meaning she’s been used to cop the open housewife gig!—she’s livid. When Danielle observes that Ashley is in the fashion show, and Christine isn’t—meaning she’s been used twice to cop the open housewife gig!—she’s ballistic.

At last, Teresa claims she really wants to speak to Danielle. She waits in the lobby to make cordial with Staub. Needless to say, it doesn’t take long for “Hi” to turn into a terse “Honey…” and finally some other B word—and Bravo takes a big exhale.

Because otherwise the show would’ve ended too sweetly: Caroline wants the hubby to retire. He won’t. End.

Thank goodness for that Giudice. Else, where would the next episode go?

Season 2, Episode 9: Posche Spite (originally aired June 28, 2010)

Mondays at 10/9c on Bravo

For more on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, click here.

Photograph courtesy of Bravo.

My Life on the D-List Review: D-List Star Meets D-List State

There are many places in the world where Kathy Griffin would be welcomed with open arms and find a willing, loving audience for her harsh, crude, and tough brand of humor. Wasilla, Alaska is not one them. But does this stop her from going anyway? No, ma’am, it doesn’t. She goes because love is calling her there and that love is in the form of one Mr. Levi Johnston.

What would attract Kathy to a personality-free fellow who has dipped his quill in the Palin ink is mostly beyond me but…oh wait, she’s making fun of him! Phew. I was starting to worry that my girl was losing her fine touch, but no worries there because in her three day Alaska visit she skewers the small town of Wasilla and the people who made it famous quite well.

Kathy’s first stop upon touching down in Anchorage is seeking out her “boyfriend” Levi who gives Kathy the grand tour of his house, which includes a sweet fireplace (not a reference to Kathy’s crotch) under his TV and a gallery of dead/stuffed animals on the walls that prompts Kathy to ask if he’ll also stuff her…if you know what I mean.

The next stop on Kathy’s tour of Wasilla leads her to City Hall where Sarah Palin once reigned as mayor. Sadly, Kathy is reaffirmed of her D-List status when the current mayor declines to meet her despite her idea for a new Alaskan motto: “Alaska – Love It or Suck It.” I imagine she was planning to pitch this motto to Sarah as well when she attempted knocking on her door only to find that the former Vice Presidential nominee had “gone fishin’”. To make up for the missed opportunity though, Kathy leaves a friendly note inviting Sarah and family to her show in Anchorage even going so far as to offer a twofer on tickets. How Sarah could have refused that offer is unexplainable.

Levi then takes Kathy ice fishing where she does her best impression of Princess Diana in a mine field followed by a dog sledding experience where the dogs’ pooping while running becomes her favorite part. The whirlwind tour continues with Levi accompanying Kathy to a book signing so he can sign copies of his infamous (yet really tame) issue of Playgirl.

I think my favorite part of the episode though was the incredibly lame (but humorous) contest to find Kathy’s assistant Tiffany a date. Despite one of the contestants actually being pretty cute (albeit jobless), Tiffany is more interested in pounding back some drinks to a point where her choice in winner is questionable at best but I’m sure he’ll make a wonderful husband some day…

Finally, the episode ends with Kathy’s big show in Anchorage where she gets the balls to make fun of Sarah Palin and miraculously doesn’t get booed off the stage. I suppose it’s reassuring to know that even those living right in Sarah’s backyard were able to avoid drinking the Kool-Aid, so maybe there is still hope for this country. And yes, I’m fully prepared for angry Republican comments below.

All in all, this was a fairly entertaining episode of Kathy’s high jinks that flew by in what felt like minutes but paled in comparison to last week’s brilliance at the toddler beauty pageant. Here’s hoping that next week’s Maggie-centric episode brings things back up to Kathy’s A-game.

Other random hilarious moments from this week:

• Todd Palin is referred to as Sarah’s “DL Husband.”
• When Maggie tells Kathy to be polite to Sarah Palin she responds with a wonderfully quick, “F&*% her!”
• Sarah asks Levi’s BFF if he has ever “backordered Levi.”
• One of the contestants in the Tiffany dating game is labeled: “Mike: Occasional Moose Lover.”
• Kathy’s temporary house is labeled Casa del Gay.
• Kathy’s impression of a twink when teaching Levi what to expect at the book signing.

Season 6, Episode 3: Freezing My A-List Off (originally aired June 29, 2010)

For more on Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, click here.

Tuesdays at 9/8c on Bravo

Photographs courtesy of Bravo and Matt Hage.

True Blood Review: Ending With A Shocking “Twist”

Sit back and relax a bit, vicarious Bon Temps residents. This week’s episode of True Blood managed to quiet its frenzy of character introductions and surplus of subplots a degree or two as the atmosphere and pacing seemed less frantic and more intent on actually expanding on the contents of already-present plotlines. What a concept! Now, with the more subdued vibe came a slightly unsettling presentation of the ubiquitous gore and graphic sexual frivolity, causing me to realize more clearly which storylines I continue to think about when the show’s not on, and which ones I have immediately forgotten until I’m forcibly reminded of their existence. You’ll likely figure out which ones are which as we delve further into the review.

Per usual True Blood fashion, the final scene of last week’s episode is precisely where this week’s begins, with Sookie’s werewolf-targeted gunshot inside her home. Time slows down so viewers are able to track the bullet’s path, Matrix-style, as it heads directly toward the lycan intruder. Eric, however, is able to use his supersonic vamp vision to lunge himself in front of the bullet, which pierces him squarely in the chest and causes the stalker to immediately distract himself with the sudden available presence of V (courtesy of Eric’s fresh wound). Eric’s intentions are apparently to keep the werewolf alive in order to question both his motives and the identity of his master. Wolfie manages to weaken Eric and exponentially strengthen himself by ingesting some of Eric’s blood, but Sookie smartly shoots him in the leg before he can capitalize on his newfound advantage and escape. The gunshot injures him just enough to keep him localized, but cognizant enough to acknowledge Eric’s demand to know who he works for. Instead of answering the question, of course, the wolfman defiantly replies, “If I tell you, I’m as dead as you are. You might as well kill me now.” Eric, spying the ominous Evil Symbol on the intruder’s neck, responds by impulsively chomping on his jugular as if it were a deep-fried turkey leg, revealing a chunk of blood-dripping werewolf carcass in his sheepish grin.

Sookie, she of the telepathic ability, had managed to hear the name “Jackson” in wolfie’s garbled thoughts prior to his grisly demise. As she and Eric bury the body, she suggests it could be the possible name of an important person, while Eric says it’s more likely in reference to the city, since the werewolf’s accent sounded more Mississippian than Louisianan (“Can’t you people tell the difference?!” he exclaims, exasperated. Hee!). With this revelation, Sookie makes immediate plans to head to Jackson, since it’s the most promising lead she’s found on Bill’s whereabouts since he went missing. When Eric confirms he’ll be able to sense if Sookie gets into trouble on her trip, she asks, “How fast can you get to Mississippi?” After a pause, Eric solemnly replies, “Probably not fast enough.”

Meanwhile, at Edgington Palace, King Russell and his continually unimpressed, hilariously high-maintenance companion, Talbot (a sublime Theo Alexander), are doing damage control amidst the aftermath of Bill setting Lorena (Mariana Klaveno) on fire. Talbot’s main concern lies with the antique rug Lorena ruined in the midst of her stop-drop-and-roll, causing Russell to quip, “Ugh, it’s like Armageddon in here every time someone chips a dessert glass.” Heh. Lorena skulks away to heal the burns in her own private pouty place, while Russell advises Bill to cool it with the “unprovoked violence” if he wants to maintain his good standing with the Edgington kingdom. Bill apologizes and explains to Russell that Lorena has Fatal Attraction-esque ulterior motives, thus igniting his ire. To Bill’s surprise, Russell says he is aware of Lorena’s eternal flame for Bill, and admits she expressed desire to make Bill watch Sookie being brutally murdered – a request that made Russell shudder with disbelief at how someone as “old” as Lorena could be so “unclassy.” Russell suggests Bill “turn” Sookie (into a vampire, that is) so they could viably spend eternity together, just as he had done with Talbot centuries ago. When Bill declares this an impossible task, Russell plainly informs Bill he can’t have his cake and eat it, too. According to Russell, Sookie will need to be subjected to “the vicissitudes of mortality” if she doesn’t become a vampire — a statement about which Bill seems rather bummed.

Adorably naïve Jessica is still in a tizzy over the trucker she accidentally drained and his now-absent corpse. In lieu of Bill’s absence (and overall suckitude as her maker), she calls her impromptu mentor Pam for guidance, catching her in a, um, compromising position with the same Estonian stripper we caught Eric in a, um, compromising position with during the season premiere. “Fangtasia — this’d better be good,” drawls Pam upon answering the phone. Jessica explains her dilemma, to which Pam asks if she had gotten the “theoretical chainsaw” from the “hypothetical hardware store” they had discussed earlier when Jessica asked for advice concerning this (speculatively, of course) problematic situation. When Jessica mentions the body in question is actually missing, Pam incredulously replies, “So, your problem is that you don’t have a dead body in your house?” Touché.

One of the more mysterious new characters we’ve met so far in Season Three is James Frain’s creepy visitor Franklin Mott. Last we saw of him, he and Tara were pummeling a couple of hicks in back of Merlotte’s. This week, the two are knocking boots in a cheap motel. Grief seems to lower both Tara’s standards and inhibitions. After the bizarre, tantrically eerie romp where Tara’s eyes spent most of the time in the back of her head, Franklin tries to ask deeply probing questions like, “Are you married?” and the offensively invasive “What’s your name?” Tara, already feeling the regret and disgust seep out her pores, bolts before she even ties her shoes.

Franklin shows up later at Jessica’s doorstep, causing her to instigate a pretty cute fang-off between the two when she doesn’t realize he’s also of the undead persuasion. He enters the house (Bill hadn’t explained that vampires only need to be invited into human homes — poor Jessica’s really been left to her own deficient devices) and interrogates Jessica about the dead body most viewers with any deductive reasoning skills have figured out Franklin himself removed. When she doesn’t acquiesce to his questioning, he proudly presents the trucker’s severed head from a shopping bag and uses the evidence to shake Jessica down into divulging everything she knows about Bill and his acquaintances in Bon Temps. Clearly, Franklin is a man with a plan. Ripe with newfound information, he’s off to find Tara, whom he now knows, courtesy of defenseless Jessica, is the best friend of one Sookie Stackhouse, who is the fiancée of one Bill Compton – Franklin’s biggest investigative target. After a touching scene with Tara and Sookie attending Eggs’ funeral (generously paid for on Sookie’s dime) and letting bygones be bygones, Tara has taken Sookie up on her offer to move back in with her. Wasting no time, Franklin promptly arrives before she’s even had time to unpack, and glamours his way inside — like Tara needs to be under the mind control of another supernatural creature. Sheesh.

Back at Merlotte’s tavern, Sam and his increasingly leechy degenerate family have shown up for a surprise visit, to Sam’s chagrin – considering the murderous stunt Tommy pulled last week, he’s rightfully suspicious. After they visibly case the joint and offer thinly veiled compliments galore, Sam reluctantly offers them lunch on the house and the Mickens clan sticks around past sundown. By now, patriarch Joe Lee (Cooper Huckabee, whom I can now sadly say I’ve seen in his underwear) has practically emptied the liquor inventory and allowed underage Tommy to imbibe to his heart’s content. Sam is rightfully peeved and asks them to leave, but still somehow seems surprised when he catches Tommy fleeing his office in the middle of the night, clearly intending to rob Sam blind. Personally, I heard the plinking of banjo strings well before the writers decided to condescendingly hit us over the head with the trailer park savvy of this crew. Poor Sam.

By now, Sookie has been introduced to her traveling companion, werewolf-with-the-heart-of-gold Alcide (Joe Manganiello, further skewing the male-to-female attractiveness ratio on this show – no offense to the lovely ladies), a highly anticipated character for fans of the Sookie Stackhouse novels, so I’m told. Eric has sent him to look after Sookie in Jackson, a job clearly needed when they head to werewolf-friendly dive Lou Pine’s — ha – and Sookie is told upon arrival that she “looks like dinner.” Uh-oh. After dangerously flirting with a group of menacing, canine-leaning thugs, Sookie catches a clairvoyant glimpse of one’s involvement with Bill’s kidnapping. She follows him into Lou Pine’s version of a champagne room and nearly gets herself gutted. Luckily, Alcide naturally swoops in and clobbers the gang, leaving Sookie intact to cluelessly read the mind of the next maniacal wolfman who comes along, from whom Alcide will surely need to rescue her. Again. That Eric Northman knows what he’s doing.

Aside from several comic relief subplots involving Jason’s dimwitted, delusional dream of becoming a cop and his inane study sessions with Hoyt, as well as despicably deceptive Arlene letting Terry think he’s responsible for her pregnancy (apparently it’s Rene’s baby – yikes), and Bud’s hysterical walk-out off the police force when the trucker’s headless body is discovered, it simply wouldn’t be a complete episode of True Blood without a melodramatic flashback.

This week’s involves a trip back to 1868, where Bill has been a vampire for three years and makes the ill-fated decision to visit his wife, Caroline (Shannon Lucio). Upon his arrival, she gives him the devastating news their young son has died of “the pox.” Bill begins to uncontrollably cry, revealing the unmistakable streaks of blood tears to his terrified wife, who is rendered all the more frightened when she shoots Bill in the shoulder and watches the wound heal before her eyes. Unable to properly explain without causing her further psychological damage, Bill is emotionally bludgeoned among the grief for the loss of his former life and the harboring resentment towards his eternal new one. Per her duty as Bill’s maker, Lorena arrives and informs Bill he must glamour Caroline into forgetting she ever saw him in this state and can never, under any circumstances, fool himself into thinking he can visit her again. “The only way to show your love for a human is to stay away forever,” she insists to a heartbroken Bill.

This scene provides a multitude of explanations for Bill’s particular hatred of Lorena during present time, as he has surely never forgotten the words she spoke more than 140 years ago and their possible pertinence to his relationship with Sookie. His indignation, however, takes a dark turn as he and Lorena share the final scene of the episode engaging in a horrifyingly brutal pseudo-rape where Bill’s rage takes such a macabre form he twists Lorena’s head in a whole circle to avoid looking at her (the obvious comparisons to a certain scene in Death Becomes Her had already hit the internet by the time it had occurred to me). When she still says she loves him even as he’s enforcing such vicious abuse, he shrieks with sickened misery, nearly tearing his hair out in anguish. Whoa.

While I’m pleased this week’s episode seemed to propel the horde of pertinent storylines forward without wasting too much time on the less important fluff (sorry, Ryan Kwanten – Jason’s pretty doesn’t begin to make up for his lack of substance), I’m not sure if the shock value of the final scene exhibited artistic controversy or shameless misogyny. Perhaps the intention was simply to display Bill’s centuries-old sorrow over the fact he’s never really accepted becoming a vampire, even after all this time. As a True Blood viewer who has not read the Sookie Stackhouse novels, I’m curious to find out if this entire season will keep Sookie and Bill apart and focus on developing their characters outside the confines of their relationship. With the introduction of Alcide, and the increasing chemistry between Sookie and Eric, I have a feeling Sookie’s betrothal to Bill is beginning to breathe its last breaths. Regardless, Bill has a lot of soul-searching to do, and certainly all the time in the world to do it.

For another opinion on this episode, check out Vampires and Werewolves With Real Problems by Bilal Mian.

Season 3, Episode 3: It Hurts Me Too (originally aired June 27, 2010)

For more on True Blood, click here.

Sundays at 9pm on HBO

Photographs courtesy of HBO and IMDbPro

Entourage Review: The Boys are Back in Town

When we last saw Vince and the Vincettes, things were looking up. Vince had rebounded nicely from the colossal flop that was Medellin, thanks to director Martin Scorsese and a little luck.  It looked as if the guys were becoming more independent and relying less on Vince.  Turtle planned to start a business, and Eric’s managerial prowess was expanding.

One thing I disliked about last season was that it really took a while to gain steam and “get good.”  I don’t think I’ll have that problem with the current season.

Vince is still riding high.  How do we know this? He’s actually filming a movie.  Loyal viewers of Entourage are familiar with Vince’s periods of inactivity, and we can remember when he almost had to resort to doing television.  All that is a thing of the past, as Vinnie is back in demand.  He’s working on an action movie with director Nick Cassavetes.  Things are going well until Nick suggests that Vince perform his own stunts to preserve the authenticity of the film.  He’s reluctant to do it, but Nick ratchets up the pressure, reeling off a list of other actors who were man enough to attempt their own stunts.  Vince is a professional, and he wants to be a team player – but risking life and limb isn’t exactly something he’s willing to do, if it can be avoided.  He asks Eric to intervene, and Eric calls Ari.  It’s rare to see Ari humbled, but even he can’t really get Vince out of this jam.  He already agreed to the stunt (involving a car), and Nick believes that he really wants to do it.  When he shows up on set to get Vince out of it, Nick makes it clear that he won’t kowtow to Ari, who happens to represent him as well as Vince.  The only other way to get Vince out of the stunt is to snitch to the studio.  When Ari subtly threatens to do just that, Nick responds by putting him in a headlock!  Ari gets Eric to tell the studio instead, as if Nick wouldn’t find out that Ari was really the one behind it.  Vince has always tried to be humble and approaches his craft seriously.  Plus, everyone is making him feel like a wussy boy about doing the stunt.  So, you know he’s gonna do it.  He botches the stunt but earns everyone’s respect on set as an actor who will do whatever it takes for his job.  Go Vince! Still a pretty boy though.

While Vince tries to save face, Turtle is adjusting to life as an entrepreneur.  He started a limo service, which specializes in providing hot chauffeurs for its clients.  One of his drivers is completely inept, and Turtle must consider letting her go.  Before he can fire her, he inadvertently sexually harasses her, and she quits.  The problem resolved itself, but if Turtle can’t make the tough decisions than his business may be short-lived.

I love him, but Drama has always been the anti-Vince, in every respect.  Less attractive; less talented; less successful.  Despite his holding deal with the network, he can’t seem to find a job.  He wants the same devotion to his career from Lloyd that Ari gives Vince; but that’s just not going to happen.  By the end of the episode Drama is resigned to simply “hang in there” and wait for things to turn around.

We didn’t get to see much of Eric and Sloan, but the premiere picked up nicely where we left off, and I thought it was a solid beginning to what hopefully proves to be one of the best seasons yet.  We’ve really watched the gang evolve, and I look forward to their new misadventures in Tinseltown.

Season 7, Episode 1: Stunted (originally aired June 27, 2010)

For more Entourage, click here.

Sundays at 10:30pm ET/PT on HBO

Photographs courtesy of HBO and IMDbPro

The Apprentice: When Celebs Attack

The Apprentice is having a midlife crisis. Either that or somewhere around season six it decided to have the tv equivalent of a sex change. Don’t like who you are? Cut off the dead weight, add a little glitz and glamour and voila, you’re done. Welcome to Celebrity Apprentice.

The appeal of Celebrity Apprentice is obvious. In this Celeb-obsessed world how do you revive a once-popular show and return it to ratings glory? {Insert favorite star here.} That’s right. Take an already famous person with a steady fan base and insert them into your fledgling show. Instantly you’ve added more viewers (not to mention publicity). Do that eleven more times and the payoff should be complete. And it seems to have worked. By all accounts, the last three seasons of The Apprentice (Celebrity Edition) have indeed gotten a boost in ratings last seen in season four. But what are the attractions of the celebrity seasons, what does this mean to native Apprentice fans, and is the payoff really worth it in the end?

The attraction is obvious. If your favorite celeb is on a show, no matter how bad it may be, odds are you’re going to at least check it out. That’s the lay of the land. Sometimes it’s a work of production genius (i.e. James Franco/General Hospital), while at other times… not so much (anyone/Marriage Ref). Either way, it makes great television and brings great publicity. But even if you’re not a fan of the celebs on Apprentice, you can enjoy. The nature of Apprentice is cut-throat. In the show, as in business, the competitors must do whatever it takes to win. Under-handed, sneaky, sly…whatever it takes to get you to the end. With unknown contestants it’s salacious, with celebrities it’s delicious.

And this is not to mention all the lovely feuds. Take, for example, Season 8′s ongoing feud between teammates and finalists Joan Rivers and Annie Duke. The tension between these two was explosive; a good old slap-drag fight to the finale. Or as in Season 7 with the long-ranging feud between Piers Morgan and Omarosa. Their instantaneous loathing for one another was clear from the first episode, the next nine just layered on the bitter verbal taunts and evil glares. It was magnetic.

There is something fabulous about seeing celebrities behaving badly

…Except they aren’t. Not like we’re used to seeing in Apprentice history. There are no true villains or underhanded techniques. There is nothing to win or lose. Because for the winner of Celebrity Apprentice waits… a check, for charity. The stakes aren’t high enough. Yes, $250,000 is a lot of money. But someone worth millions wouldn’t trade their soul for 250k. Not going to happen. In fact $250,000 is probably what their PR manager, who tells them not to do stupid stuff, makes. They’re already too polished for tv. The reason the original Apprentice was so good is because it offers unknowns the chance at their greatest dreams. What would you do to accomplish that? That gleam in your eyes, yes that one. What would you do for it?

Do you see the greatness in this concept? It’s like setting off rockets with a mission in their eyes; then letting them loose to annihilate each other. The contestants are supposed to be hungry, with something to prove and everything to lose. These celebrities don’t. Sure they would love to win tons of money for their charities, but at the end of the day nothing’s going to change for them. As a result, the antics and the drama are at a minimum. And that’s a bore.

Boring also, are the challenges which amount to nothing more than fundraising. Doubtful though I may be about the Apprentice launching contestants into the business world, with the challenges of the Celeb Edition contestants are only qualified to sell hotdogs and create jingles. Where’s the fun in that?

Since Celebrity Apprentice debuted the ratings have steadily slipped, showing that while star power is an attraction it is not enough to make viewers stay. So, is the payoff worth it? I don’t think so. This show has lost the edge and cunning that it once had. And this is a shame to those Apprentice fans that still hold on. This show needs to go back to its roots; virtual unknowns who will do nothing short of sabotage in order to win. Celebrities might draw them in, but it’s the hustle that gets them to stay.

For more television reviews, click here.

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal and Ali Goldstein.

The Next Food Network Star: Q&A with Darrell “DAS” Smith

Today’s Q&A with Darrell Smith (more commonly referred to as DAS) is very fitting for last night’s episode of The Next Food Network Star. While last night we saw an angst-ridden Herb driven by his demons, DAS the eliminated contestant admits to a few of his own. Also, DAS talks about his roller coaster experience, advice to the chefs and his favorite food memory.

Regrets
Do you remember DAS’s raw chicken in the first episode? Well, he remembers that too. And in his own words, DAS admits to being haunted by that experience. With so much pressure to make a good first impression on the judges, it led to a complicated meal that was not possible in the given time-frame. From this failure on, DAS admits to being more reserved in what he could do in the following challenges. And this uncertainty about how far to push himself creatively tainted every following challenge.

Experience
This show has been a roller coaster of ups and downs for DAS, and this is probably true for all of the contestants. One moment you could be at the top, and the next you’re in the bottom. For DAS, one of the lows was his serving of the raw chicken in the first episode. One of the high moments was in the second episode, service at the pier. His lemon pepper chicken wings were a big accomplishment.

Favorite food memory
When asked what his favorite food memory is DAS takes us all the way back to his childhood. At his grandmother’s farm in Michigan, out in the countryside a young DAS was given the task of picking tomatoes for the evening meal. Watching his grandmother make a tomato basil soup is his favorite memory.

Lessons
This show causes you to do a lot of soul searching, and the greatest lesson DAS has learned from the experience is to put yourself out there more, to take greater risks and to show more of your personality and who you are to the world. On advice he’d give to the remaining contestants, he’d tell them to just have fun and don’t let the mistakes of the past worry them.

Wants people to know…
DAS just really wants people to know that he’s a fun guy; charismatic and giving, he’s a cool person to be around. Along with teaching, which he does by profession, DAS says that he has a great love of people and food.

Favorites
There are no favorites here. During the show, DAS made a lot of great friends with his fellow contestants. And this is definitely one of the high points of the show to him. These friendships and memories will carry on. And the quality of the talent of the remaining contestants is such that no matter who wins he has no doubt they’ll be great.

For more on The Next Food Network Star, click here.

Sundays at 9/8c on Food Network

Photographs courtesy of Food Network.

Grown Ups Review: The New and Improved Adam Sandler

Grown Ups is the second Adam Sandler movie I’ve reviewed for Poptimal, and I think I’m noticing a trend.  The first, in case you’re wondering, was Funny People and the change in Sandler’s choice of script could prove smart and lucrative.

The premise behind Grown Ups is simple: five childhood friends who have grown up, grown apart, and moved away are brought back together by the death of their old basketball coach, Coach Buzzer.  Adam Sandler is a big-shot Hollywood agent, complete with the beautiful wife (Salma Hayek), nanny, and three spoiled rotten kids who don’t know how to exist without video games and gelato. Kevin James plays an overweight, typical mid-western husband with two kids and a wife (Maria Bello)who still breastfeeds their four-year-old son. Chris Rock is a house husband to a high powered working wife (Maya Rudolph), content to while away his days caring for their two children, trying out recipes from the cooking channels and sparring with his nasty mother-in-law. David Spade tackles the same role he always does – the womanizing, drinking bachelor with no desire to pay life by the rules. Rob Schneider is also handed a somewhat typical part, and spends his days tackling holistic medicine with his significantly older lady-friend (Joyce Van Patten).

Together, they were the only championship basketball team Coach Buzzer ever had, and after their funeral the group heads out to the lake house they used in their childhood and the families start to get to know one another, come to grips with the mistakes they’ve made with their own families, and say goodbye to Coach Buzzer once and for all.

Now, this is an Adam Sandler movie, after all. There are plenty of gross and idiotic moments, shots of Chris Rock’s mother-in-laws bunions, the inappropriate breast-feeding, Kevin James crashing into a tree on a rope swing, Rob Schneider’s ridiculously hot daughters, and pretty much every scene including Rob Schneider’s geriatric lover. There are also, however, so many genuinely believable moments, especially the scenes in which the old friends spend time alone together.

The dialogue is superb and authentic; never feeling forced or like it’s fabricated to force more jokes. As with Funny People, Adam Sandler seems to have a knack for the real, for what people feel and talk when there aren’t cameras and scripts and directors. It’s almost like we all could have been there with them, listening to our boyfriends or husbands having a conversation with their childhood friends.

There are charming moments as the men work in their role as fathers, showing their children how to have fun without televisions, video games, and nannies – watching the wives and children form their own relationships is just as smooth as the men’s friendships.

There are some laughs, but the culminating scenes are more than a little bit cheesy. I won’t spoil anything, but there’s a scene on the dock when all the couples have little heart-to-hearts, followed by the granny/girlfriend making a ridiculous statement that no one would say aloud in real life. Also, the team of boys they beat in the basketball championship as children challenge them to a re-match during the Fourth of July picnic, and more “lesson” type moments emerge.

Overall, I found the film enjoyable in many ways but over the top in the life lesson department. It proves, as I have long suspected, that Adam Sandler has a heart. He has messages he wants to share with us through his projects, and sometimes he hits the nail on the head. Other times, he’s trying too hard to shove the moral in our faces instead of trusting that we’re smart enough to figure it out on our own. I think he’ll get there. If he keeps making movies like Funny People and Grown Ups, a whole new audience of people will grow to love him.

I would recommend the film, but you could get just as much out enjoyment watching it on video and saving your ten theater bucks for something bigger and more exciting.

Photos by Tracy Bennett – © 2010 Columbia TriStar Marketing Group, Inc.

The Return of Futurama

This week the folks over at Comedy Central sent me a gift in the form of two brand new episodes of Futurama. To refresh your memory, Matt Groening (mighty creator of The Simpsons) also had another animated series that aired on FOX from 1999-2003.

Futurama follows the adventures of Philip J. Fry, a New York City pizza delivery boy from the twentieth century who accidentally gets cryogenically frozen on January 1, 2000. He is reanimated in the year 2999 in New New York, where the world is inhabited by multi-raced aliens and people can live on indefinitely with their heads inside jars.

Fry becomes employed as a delivery boy for Planet Express, a company owned by his nephew (long story) Professor Hubert Farnsworth. His co-workers include Turanga Leela, Bender Bending Rodriguez, Amy Wong, Hermes Conrad, and Dr. John Zoidberg.

The first episode “Rebirth” picks up where the last Futurama DVD movie ends with the crew of Planet Express, the Eco-Feminists, and Kif (Amy’s boyfriend) entering a wormhole as they are chased by Captain Zapp Brannigan. The wormhole turns out to be the “Panama Wormhole” and they find themselves back at Earth’s space only to be followed by the Nimbus. The Planet Express ship is hit by the larger vessel and crash lands onto the planet.

The professor survives because of his full body protective sphere and is in the process of bringing everyone back to life through a big tub of harvested stem cell mixture. Fry appears to have survived the crash with some nasty looking burns. The rest of the cast are hanging on hooks, only their heads preserved. They get dumped into the stem cell bath and one by one they are all reborn.

Unfortunately Leela doesn’t wake up and the professor pronounces that she’s in an irreversible coma. Bender on the other hand is flat-lining but is saved by the Professor putting one of the doomsday devices as his battery. But it gives off more power than he needs so he must keep moving and partying to burn off the excess energy.

A distraught Fry goes to “Build a Robot” (it’s Build a Bear for the future!) where he builds a robot with purple wires for hair and one eye, just like Leela! Back at Planet Express, Hermes has the computer analyze Leela’s personality from bathroom surveillance tapes then downloads the information to the Leelabot. The Leelabot thinks she’s the real Leela until Nibbler bites her, exposing the wiring inside her. Here’s where Futurama gets awesome with Leelabot questioning herself as an automaton and if it’s possible to have real feelings.

The real Leela is taken to a planet where she is to be eaten by an endangered Cyclophage (a creature that only eats Cyclops) after the Professor tries to revive her one more time but fails to do so. Leelabot consoles the mourning Fry and Bender continues to party, letting out a fire burp that suddenly wakes the real Leela up.

Leela then sees Fry and Leelabot making out at her funeral! But then the Cyclophage comes and chases them to the ship where they are able to get off the planet with the creature hitching a ride.

The two Leelas fight each other for Fry’s love and Amy hands him a gun with both Leelas telling him to shoot the other. He accidentally shoots himself instead and we find out that Fry is a robot too! Turns out what really happened was that before the ship crashed Fry shielded the real Leela with his body but it cost him everything except his hair and some skin that survived the crash. The Professor put his remains into the stem cell bath but it had just dissolved. Leela was so distraught that she went to Build a Robot and downloaded Fry’s memories from the bathroom surveillance tapes. She had put too much copper wiring in Robo-Fry’s belly that when they kissed he emitted a large electrical charge, killing Leela, burning himself and messing with their short term memory. The Professor hung Leela up with the others and that’s when the episode begins with Fry entering the lab just as the Professor plucked the fly from the air as the final ingredient to the stem cell bath.

All of a sudden another body emerges from the birthing tube of the stem cell bath and it’s Fry! Leelabot declares her love for Robo-Fry and the two dump their meat suits and leave Planet Express together, with significantly lower voices. Hasta la vista!

All this time Bender has been partying nonstop and decides that he’s tired of it and stops moving. He begins to shake from the excess energy causing one of his eyes to pop out! This happens just in time because the Cyclophage appears again and is about to eat Leela when he notices Bender and eats him instead. The doomsday device goes off killing the creature and Bender emerges cured!

All is well and the crew of Planet Express celebrates! They’re back! Even Hypnotoad makes an appearance at the very beginning of the episode with Bender’s voice-over saying that people will forget that the series was ever cancelled by idiots to be revived later by bigger idiots.

Futurama is one of those shows that I can watch over and over again because with every viewing I’ll catch a detail that I’ve missed before. This episode was clearly done at breakneck speed and while it may not work for some people, I was totally happy with the nonsensical and over the top crazy plotline. Its unpredictability entertains me. So I thank you, Comedy Central, thank you for giving me Bender back.

Season 6, Episode 1: Rebirth (Originally aired June 24, 2010)

For more television reviews, click here.

Photographs courtesy of Comedy Central.

Friday Night Lights Review: Finding a Future. . .

So, Inisia’s out this week and next, and I’ve been tapped to fill in.  Normally, a writing assignment on a weekend is not exactly my thing, but at least it’s FNL, right?  I mean, there are worse ways to spend Friday nights.  For instance, two weeks ago I saw the A-Team.

This week, the theme was all about being tied to your past while at the same time trying to figure out a future for yourself. A few questions emerged:

Q1: Will Julie stop being a snotty teenager long enough to not sabotage her future?

In many conversations with others about FNL, I’ve talked about how annoying Julie is.  It’s not her fault — she’s a teenager, so she has to live an aggrieved existence, never quite fully appreciating how well she’s got it.  This disappeared over the second half of last season and most of this one — largely because of Matt.  I liked watching her grow in that relationship.  Well, now that’s over and Julie, broken-hearted, has returned to her default status of the-world-sucks-and-no-one-understands-how-hard-my-life-is mode.  I’m not saying she can’t be there for awhile — I was in love with Matt Saracen too, you know — but, my god, was I happy when Tami finally gave her the talking to she deserved while on a trip to Boston College. Julie was sullen and stubborn the entire time, and muscling up all her angst to blame Tami for forcing her to visit the school in the first place, calling going to the school Tami’s dream. Tami told her that however hard she’s been trying to pull it together, she needed to try harder, cause she was in danger of screwing up her future.

So Julie tried harder.  We don’t see the light bulb go off, but when Julie is interviewed, she gets in a few literary references, and plugs her town Dillon for making her the person she is today.  There’s hope for this kid after all. Afterwards, Tami tells Julie she doesn’t want Julie to go to Boston College because it’s Tami’s dream.  Tami got her dream.  She got a college degree, she met Coach Taylor, and she got Julie, and Julie is Tami’s dream.  Now, Julie’s got to go after her own dreams.  And I cried a little, because Tami gives the best speeches.

There was also a great detail here that I totally missed the first time I watched the episode.  When Tami and Julie initially meet with a BC administrator, the administrator tells Tami that BC never got applications from Dillon before Tami became a guidance counselor.  It’s a great takeaway — a little reminder of what Tami has done at Dillon High School for those kids.

Q2: Who will win the Toilet Bowl?

While Tami & Julie were out east, Coach was facing the Toilet Bowl, the name not-quite-affectionately given to a game between the two teams in last place in the league.  This lead to entirely too many toilets — a gold one outside a store that Buddy glimpses as he rides past, another one confiscated from who-knows-where to be placed on East Dillon’s field just before practice, and a stopped-up one in Mindy’s house that Tim’s got to unplug because Billy’s leading a life of crime (unbeknownst to poor Mindy, who just thinks he’s cheating on her.)

Which leads us to our next question. . .

Q3: How good of a guy is Tim Riggins, really?

Oh, Tim.  My poor, lovely, Tim.  I don’t entirely blame you for letting Becky kiss you a little too long on tonight’s episode.  I get it.  You’re lonely.  Nothing is really working.  You can’t get a job, which means you can’t get that land, which means you can’t build a house with a wraparound porch.  (I love wraparound porches, too).  And here you’ve got sweet, earnest, naive Becky saying things to you like “I think you’re a strong person, and an honest worker.  And I think you can grow up to be whoever you want to be,” and you’re feeling so low, it’s hard to resist the comfort Becky’s offering.  But resist, Tim Riggins, resist.  Don’t be that guy.

But also — don’t be the guy who chops up cars, either.  Not for Billy, and especially not for yourself.  It feels expected, and for this show, a little contrived. So Tim?  Please, please, please find another way to make some $$.

Speaking of contrived, can we do something more with Vince’s friend, Mo, the guy who got Billy in the chop shop business in the first place?  This week, Mo paid Vince a visit, trying to get him away from studying plays so that he can play basketball in the neighborhood, and maybe steal some cars.  Vince refuses, he’s got his head on straight (for now).  But the Mo character has been more one-dimensional than Vince deserves; he’s just bad-influence-friend.  I think the writers can do better with Mo, and I hope they do.

Q4:  Will Buddy’s former glory be restored?

I love me some Buddy.  I really do.  And I absolutely believed him when he told Coach “I used to be something in the Dillon Panthers. I want to do that here.”

So are Buddy’s glory days as a booster behind him?  Was he only good when working in service of a team like the Dillon Panthers?  Or can he find a future with East Dillon?  Methinks he can; I’m an optimist that way.

Q5:  Will Vince kick Landry’s ass?

My favorite thing about Landry: He consistently goes for girls totally out of his league.  And make no mistake about it, Jess is totally out of his league.  I mean, Landry has shirts with periodic tables on them; she’s being pursued by the Vince, the quarterback.  And, c’mon, the girl’s got fantastic hair.  Landry can woo her by being incredibly cute to her younger brothers, but he still got the cheek on their date.  And when faced with the choice between a date with him, or dinner with Vince and his mom, she chose the latter.

But later that week, at the end of the Toilet Bowl, she walked off with Landry, and Vince noticed, and I bet he felt that rejection.  So, is he going to kick Landry’s ass, as little Caleb or Darius or Andre Merriweather suggested (didn’t catch which one of Jess’s cute little brothers actually asked that)?

Speaking of dinner with Vince and his mom, how awkward was that?  I haven’t been a big fan of Vince’s mom’s character — she went from barely coherent crackhead to sounding like she had an English degree in entirely too few episodes — but she nailed awkward banter.  I also think the character may have been high, but the script wasn’t entirely clear on that point.

Q6:  They aren’t going to turn Luke Cafferty into an opiate addict, are they?

I hope not.  Smash’s steroid use was the weakest plotline of Season 1, and I don’t need a repeat here.  For me, Luke’s finding a doctor, through Tim, that will give him unlimited Oxycodone illustrated a broader point about football in Dillon; a strung-out Luke storyline would take the point too far, and, frankly, I don’t think Luke’s character needs an addiction to make him interesting, either.

So that’s it for this episode.  Oh — I forgot to mention that Dillon won the Toilet Bowl! So, they’ve got one win, at least.

See you next week!

Season 4, Episode 8: Toilet Bowl (aired June 25, 2010)

For more on Friday Night Lights, click here.

Fridays at 8/7c on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal and Bill Records.

SUNDAY, 27th

ENTOURAGE: Last season, Poptimal’s writers were none too impressed with the show. Can it redeem itself this summer? (10:30pm/HBO)

Next Page »