The Real Housewives of New York Review: Get Out, Jill
This trip to St. John was really the gift that just kept on giving.
After Kelly went full on cuckoo bananas, she left in the middle of the night claiming that she had to get back to her children. Psycho. The next day Alex, Ramona, Bethenny and Sonja got the vacation that they had been dreaming about all along. That is until Jill showed up unannounced with Bobby. Woof. No one was happy and even Jill could sense how awkward her presence was, but she didn’t do anything about it. Oh look at this bird. Wow the ocean. Hey, you have feet!
Bethenny was ignoring her, Sonja was in her own world, Alex was shaking and Ramona was shocked. Tears started flowing almost immediately, Sonja, my hero, saw how affected all the ladies were and knew something was amiss. Jill left like the martyr she is, and Ramona followed her out to try and explain her reaction to the situation.
It never ceases to amaze me how high school this show is. But even saying that is giving these women too much credit, it is full on middle school. I don’t even think these people like one another, they just use each other to leverage connections and go on bitchin getaways. Anyway, Ramona went to Jill’s car to talk things out, and Jill proceeded to have a hissy fit about everything from the cost of the private plane to get to St. John (the horror!) to the fact that Ramona loves Bethenny and Alex more than her now. The frenemies have become friends and friends enemies/nut jobs.
Against all odds, everyone survived the ordeal. Ramona got back to her guests and Jill got back to Bobby. I actually really like Ramona at this point. She is pretty weird and the size of her eyes seems to grow in direct proportion with how much she is drinking, but I liked the fact that she took all these weirdos on an amazing trip even though they were brats most of the time (with the exception of Sonja, Bethenny, and Alex…so really just Kelly and Jill). I also liked that she saw pedicures and home cooked meals as the marks of sincere sisterhood. Oh, Ramona. She still has nothing on Sonja at this point though.
Back in New York, Manhattan was being informed on what went down in the islands. First, we get the story from creepy Kelly about how crazy and creepy Bethenny was and how she was lucky to come out alive. Unfortunately during her story, Kelly recounted calling Bethenny the verbal gem of hoebag (ho-bag? hobag?), and this was apparently the opposite of classy to LuAnn. LuAnn was offended, Kelly was defensive and then threw the table and started brushing her hair with forks.
OK, that last part didn’t really happen, but would anyone have been surprised? Meanwhile, at Sonja’s art party, the girls regressed to their middle school selves and gathered for a private party upstairs to discuss Kelly. LuAnn was still offended that she had called Bethenny a hoebag and got a totally different version of Kelly’s psychotic behavior at sea and on land. They should really warn people more about that sugar content in gummy bears. Sonja realized that this pow-wow was stupid and excused herself to mingle with the other guests, realizing these women weren’t the most important people on the planet. She couldn’t even sleep with them so what was the point?
Later, Jill was inexplicably ice skating again. I have no idea what this event was for, but I do know she fell flat on her face the second she got on the ice. It was magical. And her hair clashed with her dress, but whatever. At this weird party event, Ramona came by to support her friend Jill and the two ladies made up or something. Jill took this opportunity to call Bethenny for a lunch date to try and work things out. Poor preggers Bethenny. She has had to deal with crazy upon crazy and a 12-year-old Jill. Woof. At least she didn’t go to Jill On Ice because she would have met the same fate as Ramona. Kelly came to the party like a crazed person and insisted on talking to Ramona despite blondie’s request to not discuss St. John there. Like a child, Kelly insisted and kept harping on Bethenny for ruining the trip. She is loco. Maybe she should talk to her friend Gwyneth about it.
We have come to the end of the road. Tonight is the finale, and I must say, I didn’t know what I’ve been missing with this lot of ladies. They are so in their own world and up their own asses that it is just grand entertainment. Can’t wait to see “the lunch” and the release of LuAnn’s train wreck of a song. Whee!
Season 3, Episodes 13: Shunburn (originally aired May 27, 2010)
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Photographs courtesy of Bravo and Mitchell Haaseth.