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The Real Housewives of New Jersey Review: So Moved, Kim D.

Will someone euthanize this season already?!

Since no one associated with the Manzo household would have willingly entered a 50-foot radius of Danielle Staub on their own, the hijinks keep a-coming. And sure enough, the two-headed cyborg is the purveyor of pandemonium.

The Kim D. half uses her Posche Boutique to draw the warring factions together. In the first scene of the show, she vows to Teresa and Jacqueline that time will reveal her trustworthiness as new housewife BFF. And certainly, if Ms. D. keeps these shenanigans up, she’ll find herself a cozy slot for next season. Mind you, this morsel of information comes after she’s added the eensy-weensy disclaimer that, “Danielle might be there.” (Eyeroll.)

Jacqueline pretends to believe that Kim D. is just like her: she simply wants to see the best of Staub. And in stating as much, Jacqueline lends this half of the ‘borg some housewife-er’s street cred. Teresa’s not so inclined, but she has officially accepted the invitation to a Kim D. event, making that a motion.

The rumor mill churns out a whopping 16 text messages to Staub, who–as expected–bites the bait. Like clockwork, Danielle shows up to Posche just to give Kim D. a piece of her mind, further validating her as a viable housewife contender. Shortly thereafter, Kim D. phones Ashley—Staub’s public enemy No. 1—to fit her for the Posche runway. (EYEROLL!)

Jacqueline’s daughter shows up to the boutique, only giving a cursory thought to why Ms. D. didn’t ask Christine instead. But not one to back down from cheap self-esteem boosts, “I’m not going to say no!” Ashley joins the band—even after D. sends her a sideways insult: “Takes a long time to get you together…but when you do you’re gorgeous!”

Staub originally promised NOT to attend after learning of the Manzo stunt: “Kim D. is absolutely, positively playing me for the last time.” So Kim dangled the “friend” word a couple of cycles. Danielle’s RSVP is reconfirmed.

The fashion show finally begins at the North Jersey Country Club. When Danielle observes that Jacqueline and Teresa are seated at Kim D’s table—meaning she’s been used to cop the open housewife gig!—she’s livid. When Danielle observes that Ashley is in the fashion show, and Christine isn’t—meaning she’s been used twice to cop the open housewife gig!—she’s ballistic.

At last, Teresa claims she really wants to speak to Danielle. She waits in the lobby to make cordial with Staub. Needless to say, it doesn’t take long for “Hi” to turn into a terse “Honey…” and finally some other B word—and Bravo takes a big exhale.

Because otherwise the show would’ve ended too sweetly: Caroline wants the hubby to retire. He won’t. End.

Thank goodness for that Giudice. Else, where would the next episode go?

Season 2, Episode 9: Posche Spite (originally aired June 28, 2010)

Mondays at 10/9c on Bravo

For more on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, click here.

Photograph courtesy of Bravo.

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