Jonah Hex Review: This Hex Fails To Cast A Spell

Film adaptations of comic books have been present in the summer movie season for decades, with ubiquitous powerhouses like Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, X-Men and their pervasive remakes, reboots and sequels leading the pack. The transition from illustrated pages to live action reels has been tackled time and time again with these seminal offerings, the most successful of which have paved the way for the recent trend of more obscure graphic novels being given the Hollywood treatment and appearing at a theater near you. For every newer blockbuster franchise like Iron Man, nearly a dozen underground dwellers fly closer to the radar (if not completely underneath it). Ghost World, A History of Violence, V for Vendetta, Sin City, Watchmen and April’s Kick-Ass are examples of acceptable mainstream film conversions of graphic novels with a more niche, cult appeal.

The latest installment in this increasingly abundant canon is the metaphysical, often anachronistic western Jonah Hex, finally making its appearance at box offices nationwide after a highly publicized production struggle. After screenwriting team Neveldine/Taylor ditched directorial duty and stuck to taking credit for the schizophrenic script, the problems plaguing Jonah Hex began to metastasize. Numerous re-shoots and frenzied editing tweaks only fueled widespread rumors that Hex was facing serious trouble as the June 18 release date loomed nearer.

Roping in respected actors Josh Brolin as the titular outlaw gunslinger with supernatural abilities and John Malkovich as his slithering nemesis initially gave potential fanboys a reason to hope for another successful comic book adaptation worthy of multiple trips to the theater and a reserved place in their DVD collections. However, the last-minute decision to shoot for a PG-13 rating evidently resulted in discarding heaps of footage on the cutting room floor, with only halfhearted scraps of what was once a promising premise remaining. Clocking in at a mere 81 minutes (including credits – wow), the meager remnants of Jonah Hex have been frantically stitched together with, apparently, the same metaphorical duct tape responsible for the 2007 Nic Cage disappointment Ghost Rider. The final outcome attempts to present itself as a legitimate summer movie, but the incredibly slipshod execution prevents any good intentions the filmmakers may have had from shining through the palpable inanity.

A bona fide mess from the start, Jonah Hex opens with a needless prologue complete with mildly explanatory voice-over from a brusque-sounding Brolin as (who else?) Jonah Hex, an ex-Confederate soldier with his sights set on revenge. Deemed a traitor during his duty in the Civil War when he kills his best friend and fellow soldier Jeb Turnbull, Jeb’s maniacal father Quentin (a paycheck-collecting Malkovich) forces Jonah to helplessly watch his family burn to death in their own home as his way of avenging the murder of his son. Turnbull also sears Jonah’s right cheek to a disfiguring degree, making it difficult for Jonah to swill whiskey with the masculine panache he strives to maintain throughout the film, be it with the gruff delivery of obligatory one-liners or maintaining his allure to bordello babe Lilah (Megan Fox, corseted to an unholy degree – I suspect an inability to breathe may be partly responsible for her wooden line delivery). Now a nomadic bounty hunter with warrants on his own head, Jonah Hex roams from one tumbleweed town to the next retrieving fugitives until he learns his archenemy Quentin Turnbull is still alive and plotting the destruction of the nation’s capital during the centennial celebration. Or something like that.

While Jonah’s crusty cowboy stoicism keeps the film’s homage to Clint Eastwood’s Man With No Name intact, the introduction of his ability to awaken the deceased (anyone else miss Pushing Daisies?) begins to throw the unwieldy aspect of mysticism into the already tenuous plot. It is here where de-facto director Jimmy Hayward officially loses control, and any semblance of cohesion is wholly abandoned. Most scenes don’t provide any kind of real exposition or underlying connection to each other, and some, in fact, don’t even seem to belong in the movie. Certain characters and events exist without any explanation or clear purpose (Wes Bentley’s cameo and a fight scene suspiciously similar to one in December’s Sherlock Holmes come to mind) and the few scenes that do make sense actually seem to be repeated throughout the movie as though the director didn’t know any other way to get his point across.

While the underlying premise of Jonah Hex seems intriguing enough for me to check out the graphic novels, the disjointed presentation of the movie was so jarring in its incompetence, I can’t for the life of me understand how three people are listed in the credits as editors. While at one point I’m sure Warner Bros. had envisioned a sleek, sexy supernatural western action flick raking in the dough, I have a feeling all those included in the making of Jonah Hex are now sweeping their involvement under the rug as we speak.

Photo by Frank Masi & Warner Bros. Picture– © ª &DC Comics.