The Apprentice: When Celebs Attack

The Apprentice is having a midlife crisis. Either that or somewhere around season six it decided to have the tv equivalent of a sex change. Don’t like who you are? Cut off the dead weight, add a little glitz and glamour and voila, you’re done. Welcome to Celebrity Apprentice.

The appeal of Celebrity Apprentice is obvious. In this Celeb-obsessed world how do you revive a once-popular show and return it to ratings glory? {Insert favorite star here.} That’s right. Take an already famous person with a steady fan base and insert them into your fledgling show. Instantly you’ve added more viewers (not to mention publicity). Do that eleven more times and the payoff should be complete. And it seems to have worked. By all accounts, the last three seasons of The Apprentice (Celebrity Edition) have indeed gotten a boost in ratings last seen in season four. But what are the attractions of the celebrity seasons, what does this mean to native Apprentice fans, and is the payoff really worth it in the end?

The attraction is obvious. If your favorite celeb is on a show, no matter how bad it may be, odds are you’re going to at least check it out. That’s the lay of the land. Sometimes it’s a work of production genius (i.e. James Franco/General Hospital), while at other times… not so much (anyone/Marriage Ref). Either way, it makes great television and brings great publicity. But even if you’re not a fan of the celebs on Apprentice, you can enjoy. The nature of Apprentice is cut-throat. In the show, as in business, the competitors must do whatever it takes to win. Under-handed, sneaky, sly…whatever it takes to get you to the end. With unknown contestants it’s salacious, with celebrities it’s delicious.

And this is not to mention all the lovely feuds. Take, for example, Season 8′s ongoing feud between teammates and finalists Joan Rivers and Annie Duke. The tension between these two was explosive; a good old slap-drag fight to the finale. Or as in Season 7 with the long-ranging feud between Piers Morgan and Omarosa. Their instantaneous loathing for one another was clear from the first episode, the next nine just layered on the bitter verbal taunts and evil glares. It was magnetic.

There is something fabulous about seeing celebrities behaving badly

…Except they aren’t. Not like we’re used to seeing in Apprentice history. There are no true villains or underhanded techniques. There is nothing to win or lose. Because for the winner of Celebrity Apprentice waits… a check, for charity. The stakes aren’t high enough. Yes, $250,000 is a lot of money. But someone worth millions wouldn’t trade their soul for 250k. Not going to happen. In fact $250,000 is probably what their PR manager, who tells them not to do stupid stuff, makes. They’re already too polished for tv. The reason the original Apprentice was so good is because it offers unknowns the chance at their greatest dreams. What would you do to accomplish that? That gleam in your eyes, yes that one. What would you do for it?

Do you see the greatness in this concept? It’s like setting off rockets with a mission in their eyes; then letting them loose to annihilate each other. The contestants are supposed to be hungry, with something to prove and everything to lose. These celebrities don’t. Sure they would love to win tons of money for their charities, but at the end of the day nothing’s going to change for them. As a result, the antics and the drama are at a minimum. And that’s a bore.

Boring also, are the challenges which amount to nothing more than fundraising. Doubtful though I may be about the Apprentice launching contestants into the business world, with the challenges of the Celeb Edition contestants are only qualified to sell hotdogs and create jingles. Where’s the fun in that?

Since Celebrity Apprentice debuted the ratings have steadily slipped, showing that while star power is an attraction it is not enough to make viewers stay. So, is the payoff worth it? I don’t think so. This show has lost the edge and cunning that it once had. And this is a shame to those Apprentice fans that still hold on. This show needs to go back to its roots; virtual unknowns who will do nothing short of sabotage in order to win. Celebrities might draw them in, but it’s the hustle that gets them to stay.

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Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal and Ali Goldstein.