The Real Housewives of New Jersey Review: All Oinks and Goodbyes
June 16, 2010 by JT Johnson
Filed under Television
This week’s episode begins with a taut Danielle resenting that Dina’s meeting didn’t include any statements that could potentially be misconstrued as terroristic death threats.
Rats!
The Staub’s plan is foiled yet again (like a bad Warner Brothers cartoon mash-up) as she loses another week to convince the viewing public that she is being actively persecuted by the Manzos. Still—these writers and a mounting housewife deficit have just the solution: script Staub some friends!
Kathy-the MacGuffin bearer, Kim G-no-friend-of-Caroline, one called Anna Maria, and another called Sue all skitter ‘round Staub over a frou-frou luncheon to hear about her visit with the Queen of England. Meanwhile, Dina takes a visit to big sis Caroline and sis-in-law, Jacqueline, to sip tea, pet cats and talk The Exorcist.
Dina on Danielle: “She was screaming over me, [prepares possessed Regan voice] ‘I’m not crazy!’”
Danielle on Dina: “She brings her finger down to my face to say, [with nasal monarch lethargy] ‘You’re crazy!’” The extras smile and nod.
Danielle’s parting shot: “She’s a disgusting pig.” Since I’m directing this scene, let’s get soapy: Begin extreme close up of Kim G, and cue dramatic music.
Speaking of pigs! A calmer scene of the week rests with the animal world, but even they are haunted by The Staub. The family rounds up the kids for some quality time at the petting farm, when Jacqueline starts calling off the animals they’ll see to her son CJ, “…cows, roosters, Danielles—I mean, pigs…”
Jacqueline’s supposed to be the nice one, but I’d be fed up too if I had to look at another of Danielle’s shifty imps every episode. No sooner than Danielle finished relishing her new investment in a dedicated coterie, has Kim G. scuttled over to Jacqueline’s crib to blab about Staub.
RATS!
Kim G’s eyes dance back and forth more than a late night rodent scampering the subway. The expected splice of Kim G’s suspect loyalty to Danielle comes in when an e-mail between Staub and Dina comes up. Jacqueline asks Kim if she really believes Ashley wanted to kill Danielle. Funny she should ask, because as we watch this scene, I need all would-be reality stars to take note: two-facedness doesn’t work as well if you’re not a primary character.
This week’s episode ends with Danielle, yet again, being tended to by her replacements—in a strip club.
There were some nice shots of her “friend’s” dogs as the ladies talk to Danielle about her love life. (Great job, editing department.) And before you know it, Danny and John reappear with a gift for Danielle and…playmates: Strip-ercise.
Yuck.
Just when you feel the need to grab “chuckie” disinfectant, we find out Dina is the departing housewife. In her final blog following the episode, she had this to say: “I could go on about Danielle’s actions in this episode. (…) R.I.P. YOU ARE DEAD TO ME.”
There is no word about Dina’s replacement, but tune in next week when Caroline’s son, Albie, gives law school a second thought.
Season 2, Episode 7: Play At Your Own Risk (originally aired June 14, 2010)
Mondays at 10/9c on Bravo
For more on The Real Housewives of New Jersey, click here.
Photographs courtesy of Bravo and Virginia Sherwood.
I have watched some of the episodes of the different “Real” housewives program. In today’s economy with families losing their homes, their jobs and struggling to be able to pay for food and basic utilities, it really doesn’t seem entertaining to watch people being indulgent to the extent of being wasteful. Have you ever thought of making a series based on the lives of “Real” housewives? The ones who cook and clean for their families, who don’t see plastic surgery as a necessity, who don’t litereally have 50 plus pairs of shoes in their closet but struggle to buy their children the shoes they need for school.Stop focusing on these so called “Real” housewives and their daily drama which consists of which five star restaurant they want to do lunch, or whichk part of their body they are going to surgically alter next. “Real” come on you get real. You might think people would not find that entertaining but it would keep us all in tune to what is truely real and reminded of how blessed we are to have a roof over our head and food on our tables.
Housewives of New Jersey has not been a hit with me. Can’t wait for housewives of Washington DC.