Jersey Shore Review: Ronnie the Rat

Reality TV, for the most part, is regarded as drivel.  And rightfully so, but allow me to make a more thoughtful case for the genre.  To the extent that we know more about what’s going on than some of the people on the show, we sort of get to be omniscient, and all-knowing.  This really highlights the manipulative nature of some cast members and the naïveté of others. Take the last episode of Jersey Shore, for example.  Ronnie and Sammi are like Jekyll and Hyde.  One minute they are lovey-dovey, the next minute one of them is screaming at the other.  Usually it’s Ronnie who is drunk and berating Sammi, only to snuggle up with her at the end of the night.  He does this after hooking up with multiple girls, unbeknownst to Sammi.  Not only has Ronnie been unclear about his intentions, but he deliberately makes comments to Sammi that are designed to keep her in dating limbo.  Everyone else in the house knows that Ronnie is being duplicitous, but no one has spoken up.  I’m surprised that neither Snooki nor J Wow has said anything yet.  Even the guys feel bad for Sammi, but I don’t expect them to betray Ronnie, who has just decided to bide his time for as long as possible.  He selfishly likes having Sammi around, but he still wants to experience all that Miami has to offer, namely the women.  Snooki and J Wow know that eventually Ronnie’s actions will come to light, and when Sammi finds out that her friends knew all along, she’s going to be upset.  Should they blow up Ronnie’s spot now, for their friends’ sake? Or should they play dumb and let the chips fall?

While one conflict looms largely, another is headed towards resolution.  Angelina apologizes to Pauly for slapping him, but she wants immediate and total forgiveness; she wants to be “cool” with everyone.  Pauly accepts her apology but cannot commit to being her buddy and palling around with her.  Angelina doesn’t seem to understand just how badly she crossed the line.  She has virtually no friends in the house and is completely isolated.  Vinny, Mike, and Snooki begin to feel sorry for her and Mike approaches the other girls in hopes of brokering a truce.  He explains that Angelina can’t hang around with them for GTL (Gym, Tanning, Laundry); she needs to do girly stuff like get pedicures with the rest of the girls.  All the girls want from Angelina is an admission of gossiping, and an apology.  Snooki explains this to her while they’re out at a club, and Angelina finally apologizes.  Relieved, Snooki, Angelina and J Wow all make up.  Now there will be peace in the house, at least until Sammi finds out about Ronnie, which I hope happens soon.  This girl is really playing herself, and Ronnie is a tool.

Season 2, Episodes 2.3 (originially aired August 12, 2010)

For more Jersey Shore, click here.  You can follow Poptimal on Twitter @poptimal.

Images courtesy of imdbpro.com

Mad Men Review: Focus Groups, Lesbians, and Pot Roast

The fourth season of Mad Men has largely been about Don for very good reasons. He is the star of the show so this shouldn’t come as a shock, but what makes the series so spectacular is the vast array of fascinating supporting characters at its disposal and this week’s episode, “The Rejected” gave many of them a chance to shine.

First and foremost is Pete Campbell. Oh, Pete. I don’t think I could possibly sum up the roller coaster of emotions that I have for this sometimes odious character. He and I got off on the wrong foot back in Season One when he appeared to simply be a villainous little weasel but over the years he’s actually shown traces of likability that have weakened my once vibrant hatred for him. I still can’t claim to be a fan but if he and his wife, Trudy (Alison Brie) were to have another dance number like they did at Roger’s garden party last year, I’d probably hop on board.

This week, Pete gets some bad news when he is told that he must dump his father-in-law’s company, Clearasil, as a client in favor of Pond’s Cold Cream, which is a conflicting interest. When he goes to break the news though, Trudy’s father spills the beans that she is pregnant and the business talk abruptly ends. What follows is a pretty adorable scene where Trudy confesses that she was waiting until their anniversary to tell him about the baby and then they hatch a scheme  to tell her father about the bad business news over Yankee Pot Roast.

But before dining on Trudy’s pot roast, Pete accompanies Harry Crane (Rich Sommer) to lunch with his enemy from the former Sterling Cooper office, Ken Cosgrove (Aaron Staton). Almost within minutes of sitting down together they are at each other’s throats with some catty rumors about what one has been saying about the other behind his back. It was kind of like seeing your thirteen year old sister interact with a girl she hates because they were forced to sit together in detention and I loved/hated every second of it. But they eventually made nice and Ken even raised the idea of Pete leaving SCDP for a better firm…I have a feeling this nugget of info will be revisited.

On pot roast night, Pete breaks the news to the big daddy over pre-pot roast cocktails but not in the way we expect. Instead of merely telling him that they are done working together, Pete hedges his bets and basically strong arms him into committing the rest of his vast company’s business to SCDP. Trudy’s father isn’t happy about it and promptly calls Pete a son of a bitch but agrees just the same and once again makes Pete the golden boy of SCDP for bringing in a brand new much bigger client.

Elsewhere in the sweet office space of SCDP is Allison (Alexa Alemanni), Don’s poor secretary, who is asked to take part in a focus group for Pond’s Cold Cream to get at what makes a woman feel beautiful and why they would use such a product. Well, things get pretty emotional over danishes and coffee as Don, Peggy, and Freddy watch from the other side of the two way mirror. The focus group leader, Faye Miller (Cara Buono plays her but I’m convinced its actually Kim Cattrall via time machine from 1982) prods the secretaries into opening up and one woman’s story completely resonates with Allison in a way that makes her break down and rush out of the room in tears. Peggy runs after her to make sure she’s OK but instead of accepting her comfort Allison kind of wigs out and not only spills the beans that she slept with Don but alludes to the fact that Peggy probably has as well. This clearly offends Peggy who turns into mega-bitch and tells Allison to basically pull it together and get over it.

Not satisfied with Peggy’s reaction, Allison then takes her grievances straight to the cause – Don. His reaction is interestingly similar to Peggy’s in that they should just get past it as mature adults but Allison is having none of it and suggests that she move on to a new job. Her only request is that Don write her a letter of recommendation, which he obviously agrees to but then takes his kindness a step forward (note my sarcasm here now) by suggesting that she write the letter with whatever she wants it to say and then he’ll sign it…

FAIL

This “gesture” goes over like a turd in a punchbowl and angry Allison lobs a bauble in Don’s general direction taking out some photos on the wall before storming out for what will be the last time while screaming, “You are not a good person!” Ouch. But she makes a fair point and maybe even strikes a cord within Don for a moment. Later on he begins to write a letter of explanation to her about his life right now but in true Don Draper fashion he stops short of actually opening up to anyone and abandons writing the letter in favor of drinking some booze on the couch.

And finally we have Peggy who starts the episode by making a new friend in the elevator. Their meeting was charming with some cute banter and even included the Pretty Woman stunt where Peggy’s fingers get snapped in a binder (instead of a jewelry case) followed by a giggle. The catch is though that this new friend is a girl and judging by the way she watches Peggy get off the elevator, she’d like to be more than friends if ya know what I mean. But regardless of her sexual orientation and the blatant flirtation between them, they become legitimate friends and start hanging out at things like Warhol-esque artsy parties. And even though Peggy seems to dig this girl too, she still manages to kiss a random guy at said party so she’s clearly not switching teams yet.

More importantly in this episode was Peggy’s reaction to the news that Pete and Trudy are expecting a baby. As the mother of his first child who remains without a father, it clearly pains Peggy to imagine Pete now having a perfect little family and the look that they give each other at the end of the episode was beautifully priceless. I can’t decide if I would ever want to see them together romantically but they certainly have a connection beyond the fact that they created a child together and I hope we get to see that explored further this season.

Looks like next week’s episode heralds the return of Betty after being absent for the last two episodes. Make your predictions now for how high she’ll be on the Bitchy Richter Scale. On a scale of one to ten I predict we’ll get a good 11 out of her and I can’t wait!

For more on Mad Men, click here.  Follow Poptimal on Twitter here.  Friend us on Facebook here. 

Mad Men Season 4, Episode 4: The Rejected (originally aired August 15, 2010)

Sundays at 10PM/9C, AMC

Photographs courtesy of AMC and imdbpro.

The Real Housewives of DC Review: There Goes The Neighborhood

Before diving into Bravo’s latest “housewives” experiment, let me share with you two of my strongest-held convictions:

1. Washington, D.C., our nation’s capital and Poptimal’s home base, is a great, vibrant place to live and work.

2. Washington, D.C. has, unquestionably, a huge number of asshats.

I urge you to keep this in mind as we embark on our RHDC adventure together. On with the (first two) shows!

Mary, our first housewife, was born and raised in D.C. and believes she has never left.  Mary apparently lacks basic geography skills, as she lives in McLean, Virginia, which is not in Washington, D.C. [Sidenote: when this show was announced, Ference asked me who on earth in D.C. would actually agree to be on this show. I answered "Northern Virginians."  Yup.]  She says, quite proudly, Colin Powell lives across the street.  [Additional sidenote: one of the qualities unique to D.C. asshats as opposed to your NY/NJ asshats is that the D.C. asshat covets proximity to political power like a NY/NJ asshat covets a luxury spirit endorsement.  It's that unique combination of social climbing and windbaggery that makes happy hours at our local bars really, really lame.]

Mary’s dad was a lobbyist (of course) and her grandfather was a friend of President Johnson.  “I have fond memories of hanging out in the Kennedy house,” Mary interviews, in a way that sounds more pervy than she probably intended.  Mary’s got five very well-groomed children, and a 24-year marriage to Rich, who owns a perplexing collection of brightly colored pants.  Kinda awesomely, Mary has a biometric lock on her closet door to keep her daughters out of it.  I know I’m supposed to find this ridiculous. . . .but I actually kinda covet it.

Lynda is our second housewife.  She runs the top escort service modeling agency in D.C.  It has a very unique client list (cough, cough). She’s been divorced twice, and is currently getting schtupped by a young, handsome, black man named Ebong.

Speaking of black, Stacie, our third housewife, is here to remind us that D.C.’s nickname is Chocolate City, by which she means D.C. is one of the few American cities that has been majority black since its creation.  She speaks reverently about Barack Obama, because that is what black people do.  (Seriously, you should come to one of my family dinners.)  She lets us know that she met Obama when she was in business school.  (Ha!  I met him running a grassroots health organization in Chicago, Illinois.  So there, Stacie!)  Stacie is a real estate agent, and tells us you have to have money to live in D.C.  Since Stacie’s definition of D.C. appears to be its northwest quadrant, I’m sure that’s true. Stacie is married to Jason, and they have two kids, Catherine and Jacob, who are admittedly quite adorable.

Cat, our fourth housewife, is British, and the most promising asshat of this particular group.  (More on that later.)  She’s married to Charles (although they have since split).  Charles is a White House photographer.  Completely unsurprisingly, she’s “writing” a book.

Michaele is the fifth housewife.  Perhaps you’ve heard of her? Michaele was the “average normal girl who modeled” until she met her husband Tareq, who took her from that godforsaken life and made her a happy free-loader.  They allegedly live in Virginia wine country, only they stay in hotels all the time where they allegedly pay their bills.  The opening episode begins with an event hosted by Michaele and Tareq — something called America’s Polo Cup.  While there, Michaele squeals and hugs people, name drops as much as possible, and talks to a remarkably unstylish lobbyist wearing a very large hat.  Meanwhile, in a camera interview, Lynda tells us that Michaele is unprofessional and doesn’t pay her employees.  Lynda says that she has no desire to go back to “that goat rodeo.”  (I’m pretty sure that Lynda’s going to be my favorite housewife of this batch.)

Besides “America’s Polo Cup,” the first episode covers two separate events:  First, Ebong throws a party for Mary for her birthday.  Mary invites Michaele at the last minute, which Lynda does not think was very smart, because Michaele is on the “second tier level.”  Okay Lynda, you get points for disliking Michaele, but then you lost them all and then some for being a complete snob about it.  At the party, Michaele makes a point of telling Stacie that she’s going to the black caucus.  And then, lest Stacie forget the important function her skin color plays in these social events, Mary deliberately sits Stacie next to her black hair stylist friend, because she totally knows they’re going to be good friends.  Then, Mary, later in the evening and clearly wasted, tells her two black guests that salons need to integrate, cause although black and white women have different hair needs, we should all be getting our hair taken care of at the same place.  Stacie just gives a patient, tight-lipped smile, mentally noting to add this to her drunk-white-girl stories to relate when she gets her hair done this week.

The last event is a dinner at Stacie’s house with Cheo, Janet Jackson’s personal chef.  Stacie’s black friends show up as well as Cat and Mary.  The lowest moment of this dinner is not the Tyra Banks remark that will get hyped in all the press coverage, but a moment when Cat takes out her phone that has a picture of her husband Charles with Joe Biden, and all the ladies gather around it and swoon over this blatant showing of access.  Barf.  Seriously, barf, barf, barf.

Anyways, back to the Tyra Banks moment: when asked about some of the people Cheo’s cooked for, he mentions Tyra Banks, causing Cat to make a face and declare that she hates Tyra Banks.  She then does a Tyra impersonation that was 1) not funny, 2) not accurate, and 3) quite offensive.   To be sure, I don’t think she meant to be; I don’t think she understands how she looked.  But Cat?  Honey, if you’re going to dance in American political circles, you’re going to have to learn much, much faster how to navigate America’s unique racial sensitivities.

Following Cat’s “you go girl!” impression, the room got awkward.  To her credit, Mary looks embarrassed.  But Cat, either not knowing or not caring, plunges ahead, moving the topic to Charles’ photography of Obama and Bush.  She goes on to say, as far as I can understand, that Bush is a better man than Obama is because Bush RSVP-ed to her wedding, or something.

Stacie’s not happy.  She interviews that Cat made the evening about her, and it does look that way.  Basically, Cat is just incredibly, nearly unbelievably, rude.  And, as an added nuisance, I can’t understand a word her children say whenever they’re on screen.

In episode 2, we learn that Michaele is 44, but people think she’s in her 30s.  Judging from the name she gives her horse, “Sparkle,” she wants to be in her tweens.  I gotta say, Michaele does look pretty good for 44, although she’s got starving African child arms.  Seriously, Lynda is right — Michaele is waaaaaay too skinny.  Lynda tells their mutual friend, Paul Wharton, who I know as that guy on our local CW channel who always interviews the America’s Next Top Model losers, that Michaele needs a burger, like, stat.  So, naturally, Paul tells Michaele that Lynda said that she thinks Michaele needs a burger, like, stat.  (Frankly, I’d add fries and a shake, and maybe some pizza with pepperoni to that order.)  Michaele thinks Lynda should just come to her with these concerns.  Meanwhile, Michaele is planning Paul’s birthday party, which she will host and “pay” for, and which she is planning to be far more fabulous than the party Lynda threw for Paul the previous year.

In other scenes, Cat visits Michaele at the Salahi ranch to ride horses, which they pinky swore to do in episode 1.  Cat asks Mary to come with her to see the crazy skinny lady, which they do, in their jeans and comfy clothes.  Michaele, meanwhile is wearing jodhpurs, despite the fact that she doesn’t actually ride horses.  She’s just that type of person, you know?

Anyways, Tareq gives them a lesson in polo, and they kinda aimlessly ride around the field kinda sorta almost knocking the ball around.  Mary has fun, though, as she actually knows how to ride.  Afterwards, they drink wine beer, which causes Cat to say something snotty, the substance of which I’ve forgotten except it made me roll my eyes and reach for my own (probably much cheaper) beer.

In further Cat-is-pretty-much-a-bitch news, she and Mary go out for lunch, and Mary complains about her daughter, Lolly – and let’s just pause for a moment over the fact that Mary’s daughter’s name is “Lolly”. . . . . . . . – who has recently returned home with her 150 lb Bernese Mountain dog, who poops in the yard and sheds hair all over the place.  Lolly (Lolly!) works where they are eating, and Cat takes this opportunity to mock Lolly and chide Mary for being a pushover, which she does quite rudely.  Mary looks pissed, but doesn’t say anything. I’m hoping for a public Mary v. Cat child-rearing showdown, à la Alex v. Jill in our future.

Episode 2 also brings us Stacie’s second dinner party.  Only this time, Stacie’s decided to hell with having these heifers in her own home — they’re going to her Aunt Francis’ home for a southern-style home-cooked meal.  Stacie tells her husband Jason, more or less, she wants to invite all these white people over to a black home and let them be the minority for a change.  I totally love this, as it gives me an entirely new way to make passive aggressive use out of my friends and family.

Cat is the first to arrive.  She is greeted warmly at the door by several members of Stacie’s family, giving her an excellent opportunity to return the greeting and perhaps even give them a nice hostess gift.  Instead she says “I’d love a drink, please” as though she were speaking to The Help.  She is directed to a wine bottle, which she opens and pours, sniffs derisively and then informs anyone in earshot that it’s bad.  In contrast, Paul Wharton arrives next, is warmly greeted by several members of Stacie’s family, who he gives big hugs and returned warm greetings.  He also brings out the best side of Aunt Francis: upon being asked by Paul “what are you drinking” Aunt Francis replies, “Everything I can.”  Someone give Aunt Francis her own show, please!

While Cat wanders around the home, looking a little lost, without a clear path to brown nose (I kinda wish Jason had told her he was Craig Robinson, so at least she wouldn’t have felt she’d wasted her whole evening), Lynda is having a grand ole time.  She’s got soul food and Ebong, who is getting quite the second look from the women of this household.  Ebong, meanwhile, finds himself in a conversation with Jason and Rich about penis size.  This conversation comes complete with references to feet and hands, and even includes a reference to a patented penile measuring device.  Rich, as the white guy, gets uncomfortable.  No, I’m not putting words in his mouth; Rich says that as the white guy, he’s kinda uncomfortable.  But he says it with a sense of humor.  I think I might like Rich a little bit.

Cat leaves early, before the peach cobbler.  A travesty on multiple levels, really.

Our last event of episode 2 is Paul’s birthday party.  Michaele, the professed host of the party, is kind enough to not show up on time, and to arrive in a white stretch limo with police escort when she does.  She wears a white sequined dress, gives a speech, squeals as her husband sprays champagne on Lynda’s dress, and then confronts Lynda for saying Michaele should eat a cheeseburger.  Lynda is like, whatever, I don’t really care; I can say whatever I want to about you, you too-skinny freak.  Still enjoying Lynda, I am.

So far?  Kinda enjoying this D.C. travesty.  ‘Till next week, y’all.

To see what happens when Poptimal writers visit RHDC parties, click here.  For more Real Housewives coverage, click here.  Follow the Poptimal writers on Twitter @poptimal.

Season 1, Episodes 1&2: Welcome to the District & Disloyal to the Party (originally aired August 5 & 12, 2010)

Thursdays at 9/8c on Bravo.

Images courtesy of Bravo and Stephen J Boitano.

Next Food Network Star Review: A Winner is Crowned

There have been many questionable choices in this season’s The Next Food Network Star, but last night’s finale wrapped up in a culmination of very, very bad decisions.

The episode began with wonder as finalists Tom Pizzica, Herb Mesa, and Aarti Sequeira expressed their excitement over the final three and their upcoming pilot for the Food Network. The excitement brims over at the Food Network studios where they meet Rachael Ray, who they learn will be directing their pilots. Now this is a big deal for everyone because Rachael Ray is “such a pro” (Herb) and “the reason [I] got into cooking” (Aarti). Rachael informs the finalists that along with the selection committee, their pilots will be shown to a focus group of Food Network viewers.

Herb was first to shoot and unfortunately the camera proved to still be a challenge for him. The first take he spent an additional 4 minutes over his allotted three. Rachael stepped in and encouraged Herb to interact more with the camera; this Herb struggled to do until his third take when he taped photos of his family on the camera. On this take Herb lit up and delivered a charming performance.

Aarti was next and after struggling to remain numb so that her old insecurity would not come back, Aarti was nervous and stumbled over the first take. She quickly corrected this in the coming takes and became the effervescent Aarti we all know and love. Rachael was impressed with how comfortable Aarti was in front of the camera.

Tom struggled as well with his first take. He rambled on and on and couldn’t stop despite himself. Rachael came in and told him to just relax. This was a charm and Tom’s next taping showcased the “Big Chef” we all know and love. He was funny, energetic and so amazing. And he did this little thing in the end that stole me away, this “you gotta try this” hand gesture. You know when food’s so amazing you can’t even talk? That one. It was so natural and welcoming, it totally rocked!

At the focus group, all three of the contestants fare well. They thought Herb was charismatic, and even though his food was healthy, the audience thought that it looked delicious unlike regular healthy food. The group found Aarti very relatable; it was like she was speaking to her friends. Tom bowled the audience over with his humor. The group loved it and believed Tom had a “star quality,” though his rolled out of bed appearance left them lukewarm.

At the final judging, the committee commended the final three on their performance throughout the competition. They praised Aarti on her consistent performances and how she finally shook her self-doubt. They felt Tom had an amazing turnaround from his rough beginning and his unique charm could pay off for the network. Herb oozed passion and the judges felt he had the most star potential.

They were all good, but there could only be one winner. So who is it…?

Aarti.

Okay, did you hear my scream? That was disgust! No offense, Aarti. I think that Tom should have won. That’s just a personal opinion of course, but I’m really struggling to understand this decision. Tom’s pilot was much more engaging and he would be a joy to watch every week. He rocked his pilot more so than anyone, and as for his failures as a chef, I’m sure that could be edited out. But it doesn’t matter now, Aarti’s the champion. I don’t want to take anything away from her.

Congratulations.

So, what about you? Are you toasting to Aarti’s win or chewing sour grapes?

Season 6, Episode 11: Rachael Ray Directs (originally aired August 15, 2010)

For more on The Next Food Network Star, click here.

Sundays at 9/8c on Food Network

Photographs courtesy of Food Network.

SUNDAY, 15th (Week of Aug 15 – 21)

THE GREAT FOOD TRUCK RACE: Proving once again that reality show themes are endless. Series premiere. (10pm/Food Network)

MONDAY, 16th

WEEDS: You oughta know… Alanis Morissette returns in the season premiere. (10pm/Showtime)

TUESDAY, 17th

MELISSA & JOEY: ABC Family’s golden couple continues trying to salvage what’s left of their careers. (8pm/ABC Family)

WEDNESDAY, 18th

BIG BROTHER 12: Who still watches this and WHYYY?? (8pm/CBS)

THURSDAY, 19th

YOU’RE WEARING THAT?!: Never before has a show’s title been so expressive. Hopefully that means interesting people…although Kimberley Locke is the first guest. (10pm/WE)

FRIDAY, 20th

LEFT AT THE ALTAR: A TLC special that doesn’t involve multiples, little people, hoarding, cakes or cupcakes. (10pm/TLC)

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