Review: On Week 2 of “Dancing With the Stars,” I can see Sarah Palin from my house!
September 30, 2010 by Kelley Lynn
Filed under Feature, feature overlay, Television
If week one of Dancing With the Stars was all about the cheese-factor, then week two is all about the gag-factor. From the endless shots of Sarah Palin in the audience, to ABC trying to convince us that the audience wasn’t in fact booing Palin when they clearly WERE (Hello?) to the many celebrity emotional breakdowns during rehearsal footage (it’s only the second week people – get a grip!), I felt myself uttering the phrase “Oh please!” quite a bit during this episode. In true reality-show tradition, the producers let us know how we should feel about some of the contestants this week. The only problem is that I’m not listening to them. I already have my own opinions, and no amount of montages with sappy music is going to change that. Let’s break this down:
1. Rick Fox/Cheryl Burke
This week, we found out during rehearsal footage that Fox recently had surgery on a ruptured tendon and has been dancing through the pain. Sure, it’s somewhat admirable, but let’s not act like the guy cured cancer here. He joined a dancing reality show. I think he was quite aware that he would have to … ya know … dance. That being said, the couple’s Jive to ZZ Top’s Tush was sexy, fun, and kinda sweaty. Judges Scores: 7/7/7
2. Florence Henderson/Corky Ballas:
Carol Brady (yes, I’m going to keep calling her that) had some issues with the quickness of the Quickstep during rehearsals, but really pulled through in this performance. I hate to keep bringing up her age of 76 yrs. old, but I’m 39 and some days, I am in pain just getting up off the couch. Recently I threw out my back watching television; and no, I am not kidding. So seeing this woman who could be my grandmother doing these very difficult dance moves is kind of cool. One might even call it inspirational! But then one would eat another bowl of ice cream instead of getting up and going to the gym. Judges Scores: 7/6/6
3. Brandy/Maksim Chmerkovskiy:
In rehearsals, Brandy struggled and called her pro-dance partner an “a**hole.” Then she went on the dance floor and seemed to have way more confidence than ability. She was good, but came across as a little too cocky and arrogant for me. During the post-dance interview with Brooke Burke, Brandy suddenly went from ice-queen to best friend when she insisted “Everything is GREAT!” and bear-hugged Maks as he looked at her with complete confusion. Be afraid Maks. Be very afraid … Judges Scores: 7/7/7
4. Michael Bolton/Chelsie Hightower:
“Music legend” (please excuse me while I laugh my ass off) Bolton showed up at rehearsals looking like one of Michael Jackson’s children in a ridiculous SARS-type mask. Why? Well, he had an infected throat, of course! Cue the sappy music. At this point, we are supposed to feel badly for him and see him as some sort of hero for “performing” through this difficult time. Oh please! It’s a sore throat! Get a grip Frankenstein. Your dancing will be just as sucky with or without your throat issues. To make matters more awkward, Bolton then went on to speak to his much younger pro-partner as if she were a child. Very rude. She got him back by choreographing what was possibly the worst and most embarassing number EVER; which began with Michael Bolton coming out of a dog-house on all fours. Len Goodman put it best when he said the number only needed a “pooper-scooper to finish it off.” Bolton resembled a sloth; and his dancing was as wooden as his fake teeth. Judges Scores: 4/5/3 We can thank Bruno for the 3. Love him.
5. Audrina Patridge/Tony Dovolani:
Another emotional basketcase, Audrina broke down in rehearsals, sobbing about missing her boyfriend, and about how incredibly tough it is to be on the show. I understand that the days are long, and that there is a lot of dancing, but you signed up to be there. It’s not like host Tom Bergeron showed up at your house screaming: “YOU WILL BE ON MY SHOW – OR YOU WILL BE PUT TO DEATH!” So can we please all stop acting like victims here? You are on a very popular show that, in a lot of cases, is going to put your career back on the map. So quit whining and do your stupid dance. They were pretty good I guess; I just didn’t care. Judges Scores: 8/8/7
NOTE: During rehearsals, Tony vowed that if they did not receive all eight’s across the board, he would wax his legs. Bruno gave them a 7, so look for a smoother-legged Tony on next week’s show. Now what kind of score do we have to reach in order for Brooke Burke to deflate her giant breasts; or better yet, get a personality transplant?
6. Jennifer Grey/Derek Hough:
Grey and Derek performed an energetic and lively Jive; to the delight of the judges and audience. She is quickly becoming one of my favorites, and the crowd loves her too. When they went backstage to get their scores, there was a lot of booing coming from the crowd. Grey asked “Why is there booing?”; then they cut-away to Bergeron sitting in the audience with Sarah Palin, where he was chatting it up with her interview-style. Later, ABC denied that the booing was for Palin, making up some bunk about the audience being upset that the scores were too low for Jennifer Grey. Except the scores hadn’t even been revealed yet … so ummm… yeah. Not buying that one. Sorry. Judges Scores: 8/8/8
7. Margaret Cho/Louis Van Amstel:
Despite ANOTHER horrific outfit for Margaret in which she resembled a human zebra; the Jive suited her quite well and was a definate improvement for her. But they really need to start dressing her in some normal costumes. Judges Scores: 6/6/6
8. Kyle Massey/Lacey Schwimmer:
Kyle makes a vow to get less tubby and stop eating fast-food. And although he looks like a giant bowl of jelly out on the dance floor, he somehow manages to make that NOT look awful. The dude can move. I still don’t know who the heck he is, but he is fun to watch. Carrie Ann Inaba agrees; as she once again practically jumped out of her chair with overexcitement. Relax woman. It’s going to be okay. Judges Scores: 8/7/7
9. Kurt Warner/Anna Trebunskaya:
Kurt sells a mean Jive, and he gets the Most Improved Award this week. That’s really all I have to say about them. No drama – just a nice dance. Judges Scores: 7/7/7
10. Mike “The Pointless Douchebag” Sorrentino/Karina Smirnoff:
Last week I vowed to refer to this person as “The Pointless Douchebag” instead of his other given name, and I will stick to that promise. So, here is the situation: everyone on this show needs to stop saying “The Situation” over and over in reference to this dork, everytime he appears on the screen. It’s not funny, and it’s old. “The Pointless Douchebag” improved slightly, but dances as if he has never heard music before in his life. His timing could not be more off if he tried. They might as well just not play any music when he dances. It may actually turn out better. Judges Scores: 6/6/6
11. Bristol Palin/Mark Ballas:
This was classic Gag-factor reality-show manipulation here, right from the beginning. Bristol is having problems focusing, so her solution is to take Mark to her hometown of Alaska and meet her wonderful mommy, Sarah Palin! Imagine that! Upon meeting Mark, Sarah goes on and on about how “brave” Bristol is, and how incredibly “proud” she is of her lovely, wonderful daughter. Mom and daughter share a sappy hug, and we all get to see what a great and terrific family they are. Okay, we get it. Bristol is a moral compass who is just like you and me – and Awww Shucks - ain’t life grand in smalltown Alaska? Then, just when you thought they couldn’t possibly BE any more obvious with their tacky manipulation, the song choice for Bristol’s number is: “You Can’t Hurry Love.” Really? Seriously? I mean – what’s next week’s choice? “Papa Don’t Preach”? “Good Girls Don’t”? This is getting a tad ridiculous. Judges Scores: 7/8/7
One more thing that’s midly interesting about the first two episodes: both times, Jamie Lee Curtis was randomly shown in the audience. I have no idea why. Is she promoting a show? Does she have relations to someone in the cast? Who really cares. All I know is that everytime I see her, the only image that comes to my mind is of her pooping on the toilet from eating all that poop-yogurt. This is what Jamie Lee Curtis has become for me now: the poop lady.
Who Should Have Gone Home: Host Tom Bergeron, for blatantly stealing my joke from last week’s review. I said that Bruno’s comment about how he likes “a taste of Brandy in the evening”, following Brandy’s dance number, was “creepy.” A week later? Tom Bergeron says the EXACT same thing. I think someone is reading my reviews. Shame on you, Tom!
Who Did Go Home: “Legendary” musician (sorry – laughing again) Michael Bolton. Because he stunk. Not a big mystery there. Ironically, when he sings, he sounds constipated. Perhaps he needs to go find Jamie Lee Curtis and get himself some of that poop yogurt.
Season 11, Week 2: Round 2 Performances and Results Show (originally aired September 27 and 28, 2010)
For more on Dancing with the Stars, click here.
Mondays at 8/7c, Tuesdays at 9/8c on ABC.
Photographs courtesy of ABC, Adam Larkey.
Ha ha! Only a fool assumes he/she knows all. If you bothered to look at the alternate footage they showed, you’d see that the booing HAD ALREADY BEGUN while Tom was still in his usual spot during the dances–in the aisle by the judges’ table.
Sarah was in the same front-row seat she was sitting in during the entire show. The camera was not on her, nor was Tom with her, when the booing began. You can clearly see Tom crossing in FRONT of the judges’ table on his way to interview Sarah – on the other side of the ballroom!!!
So OBVIOUSLY miss not-so-smarty-pants, the audience WAS booing the judges’ scores – which, by the way, they are ENCOURAGED to do between commercial breaks. Anybody who has attended a live show already knows that.
But nice to see you have outed yourself with PDS (Palin Derangement Syndrome).
You are a hoot!!!! never at a lost for words. Kelley Lynn tell us how you really feel. I’m enjoying your updates.
Nancy DiNinno
This comment had me rolling: “One might even call it inspirational! But then one would eat another bowl of ice cream instead of getting up and going to the gym” That’s some damn funny stuff right there.
I refuse to get involved with the other stuff that people are barking about. I’m only here for the humor and I am leaving satisfied.
LOVED your review, as always, you mever disappoint!! I can’t understand the judges scores on Bristol Palin….too high, she hardly moved!!!!
Keep the reviews coming, Kelley, reading them is better than watching the show!!!
Oh, and Michael Bolton does such, he should have gone home, and how in the world is anyone upset about that??? geesh.
Well, I won’t watch the show ever if we have to listen to Palin. It’s a REALITY tv dance show, not a political convention. Who would even know Bristol but for her mommy? So, how is that the network picking on them?? get over yourselves. This is suppose to be a SARCASTIC review of a pointless show. Kelley’s GREAT! And, so are her reviews.
Besides, Bristol’s only claim to fame is what? She got pregnant as a teen and has her parents (luckily for the baby AND her) to take care of her? How is that, in any way ever, a role model?
Booing mommy? duh. She is incapable of keeping her mouth shut, but each time it opens, more stupid stuff comes out than came before. And, her politics, if you want to call them that, have no place there. Then again, neither does her daughter.
Don’t watch the show, just read Kelley’s reviews. I’m sure they are many times more entertaining than watching these so called “stars” attempting to dance. As far as the Palins go, it never ceases to amaze me how far this country has regressed with its infatuation of this witless moron of a soccer mom. Her teen-mother daughter is no better and completely irrelevant.
I am a big Kelley Lynn fan, and as always, she puts together reviews that are way more entertaining than the show! You guys commenting, however … I don’t know what is funnier, the review or how seriously you are all taking the review. This is all supposed to be sarcasm!! Sarcasm of stupid American television, people! LOL. These are some of the strangest comments I have ever seen! Anyway, thanks for the laugh ya’ll!
Dorothy, Why would anyone object to Mrs. Palin saying nice things about the dancers and the judges? Nobody is forcing you to watch the show. Get a life.
Wow! Some of you are taking this whole thing WAY too seriously. Its just a fun, lighthearted review on a fun, silly lighthearted show. Its not that important. No need to get so upset. Relax lol.
Deb, thanks for the insight on why Jamie Lee is in the audience weekly so far. I just found it odd. lol. Now it makes more sense. I had forgotten about that movie she is in.
I dont even think I mentioned Bruno’s comments much in this review on Michael Bolton; however; I dont see the huge issue with what he said really. He is a judge, thats what he does. Both him AND Len have said much worse in the past, so I dont know why suddenly he cant tell someone they were awful. These “stars” are getting paid money to be on the show, and for a lot of them, its a GREAT opportunity to re-jumpstart their dying careers OR give themselves a better reputation in the public eye — so if they have to take some harsh criticism from the judges, so be it. If they cant handle that, they shouldnt sign up to be on the show.
Thanks for your comments everyone!
Right on, Kelley. I agree that the “gag-factor” has gotten out of control. Glad to have lost Bolton. Funny stuff!
Goodness we have a lot of people on here who hate to have people picked on. *sad frowny face* Bristol is just a girl who got pregnant. She has no star power. It’s her mammy who has to be in front of the camera every five seconds.
Couldn’t care less about the show. I just came for the free ice cream.
Having watched Bristol’s “dancing”, I must admit to being rather appalled at the scores she received. She stood, occasionally shimmied, and barely moved. She wore a dress that would show off any movement, and it barely ever showed she was moving at all. Her PARTNER was absolutely fantastic, but Bristol didn’t seem to show up at all. I do not care if she is sweet or who her mommy is. She’s on “dancing with the stars”… she needs to move it move it!
And while I did not watch Bolton, so I must take Kelley’s word for his dancing ability, the judges are there to judge. And they should do so honestly–and if that means harshly, then so be it.
Truly, not everyone is cut out for dancing. It’s work and physically demanding. Bolton may just need to stick to his day job (although, I must admit, I would have loved to have heard what Simon would have said about him prior to him becoming “legendary” recording artist Michael Bolton)
I stopped reading when you declared : “ABC trying to convince us that the audience wasn’t in fact booing Palin when they clearly WERE (Hello?”
Clearly ABC is not a Palin Fan. Who is going to Boo a mother coming to see her daughter… clearly only idiots
Clearly this writer is not reliable so I stopped reading after that. Kelly should be BOOED! Come to Canada we like to Boo American Fool writers.
I liked the blogger’s Comment ” I can see Sarah Palin from my house!
Well from my living room in Canada I can see a Fool writer. Kelly were you there…. what a little fluffy ball you are.. I wish I was your kitten!
Now I…had the time of my life….reading your review of this crappy show. Yes It’s true. And I’d do it all for you!
Oh, forgot to comment on “the guy” from Jersey. Horrible example from a horrible show & cast which is not what we want our children to follow. Should not even have been selected to be on this show.
I read Jamie Lee Curtis is very good friends with Jennifer Grey, which is why she’s in the audience. She also has a new movie coming out, “You Again”.
I am so tired about all the negative comments about the Palins. Remember the Osbornes & how much atention they got in the audience & of their home? Come on, what is Kelly’s claim to fame other than famous parents & growing up spoiled. Bristol seems genuinely sweet & I hope she goes far.
As far as Brandy is concerned, way too disrespectful telling Maks to “shut up” so she could listen to the judges. Some of these entertainers need to take lessons from the athletes on how to be respectful & coachable with their pro.
Bruno could have been a little less insulting, although, Len’s been that way numerous times even though he didn’t think so.
It is pretty sad that even after watching the footage, that you still want to believe that Sarah Palin was being booed. I don’t get people like you. Your hate is so strong, that you can’t see past the biased nose on your face. Shame on you.
Kelly lynn’s (who ever the heck she is)had some very interesting and humorous comments.However…..if she thinks Bruno is right about his comments about Michael Bolton are acceptable or the one about liking the taste of Brandy in the evening is okay to say,I think both your jobs are in jepardy.Bruno’s potty mouth is no longer funny and he has less tact and proffessionalism than Michael Bolton has dancing abilities.My mother always said “people in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.”Bruno.. time to grow up!! As for Jamie Lee,I am one of her biggest fans and if you haven’t see her dance you are missing out on a natural!!!I’ve been hoping she will dance next season.She is one classy lady!!!!! Take that Kelly Lynn and keep those comment’s coming girl!
“Dancing with the Stars” or should you be named “Dancing with Celebrities children”? Is Bristal Palin a star? This has nothing to do with politics, but the only thing i can credit Bristal with doing is being a teen-aged pregnant girl. We have worked for years to try and educate teen-aged girls to prevent pregnancy find your promotion of this girl on your program poor judgment. Bristal is fortunate to have a loving, caring family, who will help support her and take care of the child. To many young women this is not the case. They are
untrained and unable to care for an infant, and we have one more unwanted child in the world. Your promoting Bristal to “star” status gives her undeserved status. If her mother were your dancer I could understand your choice.
I love Dancing With the Stars. Cheryl is my favorite always has been. Jennifer Gray is fantastic. I think ii is going to be a super season for all. Bruno was a little harsh on Michael Bolton.
ABC is now attempting to politicize dancing. Not that I watch them much but “dancing with the stars” has become “dancing with the slut”. How does an out of wedlock, unmarried woman repackage herself as something worth esteeming? Heaven’s only knows!
Sick!
Do we have to listen to Sarah Palin on this show. Get enough of her listening to the news. Not interested in what she has to say.
Do we have to listen to Sarah Paling on this show. Get enough of her on the news. Get sick of listening to her.