True Blood Review: Set In Stone

And so it goes, fellow Truebies, as everyone’s favorite supernatural, southern fried campfest closes the doors on its rollicking third season, and opens a whole new chapter for its beloved motley crew of characters. Sunday night’s finale came well equipped in many ways, providing much-needed resolution for one or two dangling subplots, as well as intriguing potential for new developments regarding the endless plight of several primary and secondary characters. On the other hand, the opportunity to blow viewers away with one of the most anticipated season finales this year was sadly squandered with the bizarre handling of key scenes that would have sealed the deal if presented properly. As usual on True Blood, the myriad of events taking place flitted across the television screen with the haste of a determined vampire, while managing to retain its trademark dry humor – mostly due to the mercifully continued presence of Russell and the reliably droll Pam. Season Four will pick up next summer (!) to divulge the aftermath of Sookie’s sabbatical to frolic with her fellow faes, Jason’s de facto crowning as the King of Hotshot, Lafayette’s discovery that his new man, Jesus, is “a witch, who’s a nurse, and a dude,” and Sam’s decision to fire a conveniently off-screen bullet toward his money-grubbing, illiterate (I knew it!) brother. In other news? Tara’s got a new ‘do and is getting the hell outta Dodge (best idea she’s ever had), Hoyt and Jessica are playing house and blissfully unaware of the depths of Maxine’s displeasure at their union, and Terry can’t help but weep tears of gratitude for his blessed life with Arlene and Rene’s unborn child. Really. In spite of Terry’s bewildering happiness, Sunday’s Alan Ball-penned conclusion assured viewers that in Bon Temps, “Evil is Going On.” Let’s assess the damage.

We open with a glaring shot of the sun beating down on Eric and Russell’s charring skin as the two lay next to each other in Fangtasia’s parking lot waiting for their “true death.” Last week, Eric had chosen to sacrifice himself in order to complete his mission to avenge his family’s murder at the hands of Russell and his gang of werewolves a thousand years earlier. Chained together with silver handcuffs, Russell dryly informs Eric he “only wanted a couple of goats for [his] wolves” that fateful day, churning Eric’s resentful incredulity to such a whirling degree that Eric begins to see a vision of his deceased maker, Godric, who warns him of his hateful tendencies. “Forgiveness is love,” advises Godric, and Eric, caught between his desire for vengeance and his duty to obey his maker’s wishes, begins to scream in turmoil.

An unconscious Sookie is seen walking toward a giant woodland chandelier (seriously) in a fairyland fever dream of sorts, before being snapped back to reality by a coaxing Bill. Sookie promptly slaps him across the face for betraying her trust – again – before he can calmly point out he was only pretending to betray her to actually save her life in the grand scheme of things – again. The round and round with these two is growing rather tiresome, and Sookie finally seems to be getting the memo. When she asks where Eric is, a devastated Pam plainly states, “Outside. Burning,” as her bloodstained cheeks mark the places her vamp tears have fallen. Against Bill’s wishes, Sookie dashes through the door and stops in her tracks when she notices the handcuffs joining Eric and Russell’s weakened wrists. Goaded by Russell’s taunts, Sookie shows more control over her “microwave fingers” than ever before, zapping the cuffs in two and shoving Russell against a nearby fence with the force of a lightning bolt before dragging Eric’s burning body back into the shady confines of the bar. Bill reluctantly lets Sookie feed Eric her coveted blood while Nan Flanagan and Steve Newlin exchange verbal jabs on the buzzing television, sparring over the increased vitriol towards vampires after Russell’s notoriously gruesome on-air diatribe a few weeks ago. I had hoped this nugget of satire would have played a larger role this season, since Alan Ball does a great job likening the blacklisting of vampires in True Blood to the plight of other ostracized minorities in the real world — among other symbolic spoofs of modern society. Alas, as usual, the fluffy and often forced-feeling romantic tension has won the most screen time.

As Eric begins to regain his strength, Godric’s spirit (or “Ghostric” as one hilarious blogger has coined – I so wish I’d thought of that) appears again to remind Eric revenge isn’t the answer. Deciding to abide his maker’s wishes, at least for now, Eric has Sookie drag a well-done Russell back inside by a silver chain around his neck mere seconds before he would have surely blown away like dust in the wind. Major props are in order to either the makeup or visual effects department – probably both – for Russell’s startling appearance. His entire visible epidermis is the color of charcoal, flaking off like paper-thin bark on a birch tree, and looks as though it would crumble at the slightest touch. While Bill and Sookie keep watch, Pam and Eric head underground for a quick nap after Eric makes a mysterious phone call asking the person on the other end to bring a van to the bar later that night. Methinks Russell is in store for a morbid evening, despite his spontaneous rescue.

Back in Bon Temps, Tara has spent the night at Sam’s and is first surprised at his culinary skills regarding the art of the hoecake (“It’s all about the bacon grease,” he assures her), and then downright shocked at his rather nonchalant admission to being a shapeshifter. Is she seriously the only woman to have confronted him about barking in his sleep? What’s his normal excuse? Tara flies into an anxiety-ridden tirade, declaring she’s had enough exposure to people under supernatural persuasion for one lifetime, and is aching to “reboot” and start over. “You’d be surprised how easy it is,” Sam mysteriously quips, agreeing that Tara would “have to keep moving” to prevent her old life from catching up with her new one. Tara probably has no idea how much personal experience Sam is deriving this advice from, but seems to take it to heart nonetheless.

At the police station, Andy is star-struck over the commanding presence of the DEA, there to prepare a full-blown blitzkrieg on drug-addled Hotshot. Jason pleads for clemency from Andy, citing the town’s children and their bleak futures as collateral damage caused by such a devastating raid. Andy makes known his knowledge of Crystal’s upbringing in Hotshot and assures Jason if he spills the beans to any resident, he can kiss any hope he has of becoming a cop goodbye for good. Somehow, I get the sinking feeling Jason’s on the verge of making a very poor decision.

Reeling from her enlightening conversation with Sam and a few nasty flashbacks to the horror she’s endured these past few months, Tara drives to her mother’s house and walks in without knocking – big mistake. Lettie Mae is making out on the couch like a teenager with none other than Reverend Daniels. As a wide-eyed, revolted Tara watches her mother furiously try to button up her blouse (unsuccessfully, I might add), the reverend sheepishly offers this sound explanation while buckling his belt: “I spilled some lemonade. On my pants.” This is the proverbial nail in the proverbial coffin that is Tara’s life in Bon Temps, and she quietly listens to her mother’s assurance that she and Reverend Daniels are in love and plan to get married – once he informs his wife and children, of course. “He just needs a little time,” she offers. Of course he does. Tara closes her eyes, takes a deep breath, and gives her mother a genuine wish of good luck – she’s probably going to need it even more than Tara herself.

Meanwhile, as Hoyt arrives at work he’s greeted with the rather unpleasant welcoming committee of the persistent-but-intolerable Summer, his mind-numbingly horrific mother Maxine, and the high school guidance counselor. Ugh. The guidance counselor, whose lack of credibility apparently precedes himself as Hoyt tells him, “everyone knows you keep a bottle of Malibu rum in your desk,” informs Hoyt this holy trinity has gathered to conduct an intervention protesting Hoyt’s choice to reunite with Jessica. After both women tearfully recite their sincere but painfully ignorant letters pleading Hoyt to reconsider his affections for “the redheaded dead girl,” Hoyt can barely stifle his eye rolls but respectfully wishes Summer well and tells his mother to get a life.

Later, as Hoyt brings a blindfolded Jessica to the new house he’s rented for the two of them as a surprise, an ominous shot of a creepy baby doll sprawled on the floor in the adjacent room seems to be enough foreshadowing — apparently, the doll-collecting Summer isn’t as preciously daft as she seems. However, as the happy couple embraces in their new home, Maxine is shown at the local gun shop purchasing a Steve Newlin-endorsed rifle. Uh-oh.

Back at Fangtasia, Sookie is catching up on her celebrity gossip while Russell attempts to bribe her with money (five million dollars!), property (his mansion in Mississippi!), and the choice to have Eric killed, Bill killed, both killed, or neither killed (so many options!) at his whim in exchange for freedom. After she pretends to consider for a moment before flatly refusing with glee, Russell waxes poetic about the addictive and delectable quality of Sookie’s rare blood. He expresses marvel at Bill’s ability to restrain himself around her, musing that his likely intent is to thinly spread his indulgence to make the experience last longer, a la tantric sex. Sookie responds by spraying Russell’s face (or what’s left of it) with that handy bottle of colloidal silver and taunting him with Jar O’ Talbot (“Why do you carry this thing around, anyway?” she casually teases). When Russell inadvertently reveals he has delusional hopes that Sookie’s blood can somehow bring Talbot back to life, Sookie gets a never-before-seen maniacal gleam in her eye and proceeds to dump Talbot’s remains down the drain, cackling with sheer delight as Russell involuntarily screams various obscenities in German with unabashed horror.

Elsewhere, Jason is blindly following his inexplicable devotion to Crystal by driving her to Hotshot where the two warn the, um, eccentric residents of the impending DEA raid. As timid women and children, covered in filth and wearing little more than droopy underwear, listen in, a dubious Calvin (referred to as “Uncle Daddy” by one of the wee ones — heh) begins to list his concerns just as a vamped-up Felton roars in on the scene, high as a kite. Calvin calls him out for such flagrant V abuse, and Felton responds by impulsively blowing Calvin’s brains out. Alrighty, then. Knowing better than to undermine the irrational, strung-out, pistol-wielding Felton, Crystal complies with his demand to join him as he speeds off in Jason’s truck. Before she goes, she tells Jason he has to step up and “take care” of her family left in Hotshot now that Calvin is dead. “This is what’s in store for me,” she weakly tells Jason. “I will find you,” he promises, in a far less thrilling proclamation of love reminiscent of The Last of the Mohicans. Given Jason’s new role as pack leader, I have a feeling this is also neither The Last of the Werepanthers, nor the last of this middling storyline.

While Andy continues to follow his DEA idols around the station with the eagerness of a puppy, their dismissal of him as they head out to the raid leave him with feelings of despondency so potent he fishes a vial of V out of his desk and contemplates drinking it. Jason, meanwhile, somehow finds his way back to Bon Temps without his truck and has to later explain to the furious DEA agents why he felt it necessary to warn Hotshot of their impending arrival. Despite his accurate and detailed testimony describing Felton’s cold-blooded murder of Calvin, possession of V, theft of Jason’s truck, and kidnapping of Crystal, the head DEA agent still writes off Bon Temps and its entire police force as a joke as they head out on a fervent search for their newest target.

Sam is spending his morning searching for Tommy, whom he’d fired and kicked out of his apartment during his now-infamous drunken rage the previous evening. As Sam curiously notes the suspicious condition of Tommy’s empty apartment, he heads to Merlotte’s to discover Tommy has indeed run off with the entire contents of the safe in Sam’s office. After blowing off some steam by kicking the nearest blunt object in his path, Sam heads out to find his conniving brother and actually spots him hoofing it on a dirt road outside of town. When Sam confronts Tommy with a gun and demands he get his money back, Tommy pleads for Sam to consider his inability to get a job anywhere else in the world but Merlotte’s and the fact that his life has turned upside down since Sam showed up – he doesn’t know what else to do. Sam cocks the gun and Tommy calls his bluff, telling Sam he knows he won’t shoot him as he begins to make his way back down the road with all the money still in his bag. Sam plasters a smug-looking smirk on his face as he fires a bullet, the trajectory and eventual target of which we won’t know until next season. While I do think Sam’s saga with the Mickens’ has awakened a demon or two from his dark past, I don’t think he had it in him to actually kill Tommy – their relationship hasn’t yet reached an appropriate conclusion, and both still have quite a bit to learn from each other.

Meanwhile, Lafayette is still suffering from major hallucinogenic repercussions due to his drug-induced excursion with Jesus. After visions of Sam with bloody hands and speaking in tongues, and Rene with his hands around Arlene’s throat, Lafayette makes a hysterical phone call to Jesus expressing his fear that possible hereditary schizophrenia could be making an onset. Citing memories of his mother’s descent into madness when he was just a small child, Nelsan Ellis hit it out of the park in his brief scene, expressing Lafayette’s understandable fear with remarkable believability. Jesus takes this as an opportunity to reveal his penchant for and training in witchcraft, referring to himself as a “brujo” who learned magic in a sweat lodge years ago by a similarly gifted family member. This both surprises and strangely comforts Lafayette, knowing that the drugs opened up Jesus’ supernatural abilities and not his genetic predisposition for insanity.

Back at Fangtasia, Sookie is noticeably pleased to see a sorely missed Alcide strut through the door and tell her Eric had asked him to stop by. After the two have a flirty catch-up chat over a couple of beers, Eric and Bill stroll in to have Alcide help them load Russell into Alcide’s vehicle (so that’s who Eric called!). Sookie, now aware she’s “basically vampire crack,” announces she is rescinding invitations for any vampires to come into her home – it’s about time she got a peaceful, uninterrupted night’s sleep, after all. Bill, Eric and Alcide hit the road to take Russell to the Herveaux contracting site where they end up dumping him in a monstrous vat of wet cement. Creative. Eric claims this plan meets his ideal criteria to seek revenge on Russell without killing him, per Godric’s wishes, while also keeping him alive (vampires needn’t worry about the lack of oxygen, remember) and forced to live in trapped, confined torture indefinitely. What’s in it for Alcide? Eric has promised to clear his father’s debts to him in exchange for the use of their business location and product. Sounds like a pretty good deal to me.

As Russell, always determined, sinks underneath the sludge of concrete swearing he’ll spend his time underground planning the ultimate revenge, Bill offers Eric a handshake for their job well done. As Eric complies, Bill suddenly snaps a silver cuff to Eric’s wrist, immediately weakening him, and tosses him into the mountain of cement on top of Russell. He had also apparently swiped his cell phone as he calls Eric’s personal assassin, Ruben, and imitates Eric’s voice, ordering Ruben to find Pam and kill her. Whoa!

Back at Sookie’s, Tara is staring in the mirror and threateningly holding a pair of scissors to her head. Just when I groan at the intended assumption Tara is about to suffer her second suicide meltdown of the season, I realize she’s about to go another clichéd route and cathartically cut her hair. As she descends the staircase with a shorter, natural look I first thought resembled Roseanne Roseannadanna but later decided I liked after all, Sookie enters the front door and gives her enthusiastic approval. The estranged friends have dinner together at the kitchen table before Tara tells Sookie she’s going to “stop by Merlotte’s for a bit,” but gives her a goodbye hug that clearly says she’ll be gone a lot longer than that. Sure enough, as Tara later approaches Merlotte’s in her car, she takes a long look at the building before smiling and driving off into the distance to “find herself,” I’m sure. Good luck, Tara.

Bill is clearly suffering from possessive boyfriend syndrome as he arrives at Sookie’s house (so much for that rescinded invitation – she let him right in) and proudly announces he’s killed every vampire who’s had the privilege of tasting the otherworldly delicacy that is Sookie Stackhouse’s blood – particularly, Eric, Russell and Pam. Even if they aren’t together as a couple, Bill assures Sookie, he will make sure she is safe and protected. Similar dialogue has been spoken in numerous Lifetime movies and after-school specials, I’m sure. Before Sookie can either adequately protest or grossly fall for this amateurish ploy (sigh, again), a crusty cement-covered Eric arrives on the doorstep with a few pieces of information of his own. What?! Not that I’m not glad to see him, but a scene depicting his escape would have been much more interesting than the tired, gooey display of co-dependent dysfunction that is The Bill and Sookie Show. Eric informs Sookie that Bill was originally procured by Queen Sophie-Anne to bring Sookie, the rumored faerie of Bon Temps, to her palace, and the night the Rattrays beat her within an inch of her life (hello, Season One), Bill had used it as an opportunity for her to drink his blood and establish a connection between them.

This is all clearly intended to be earth-shattering information, but I’m practically yawning and checking the clock as Sookie rips both Bill and Eric a new one while Bill desperately clings to the door frame to fight her insistence he leave. He finally gets the hint and glumly shuffles away, and Eric tells a sobbing Sookie, “I’m sorry to see you suffer like this, but I thought you had the right to know.” Hmph. I’m still wondering how the hell Eric made his way out of the cement, when he and Pam (!) are next shown at Fangtasia discussing the night’s events. “Please tell me you killed him, because I will never get all the cement out of my hair,” Pam deadpans, apparently referring to Bill. “Ruben tried to kill me,” she quickly adds. “I took him out.” In light of the infuriatingly cryptic explanation of Eric’s resurgence, I’m all the more frustrated the action just alluded to wasn’t depicted for the episode in lieu of the dozen or so shots of Sookie in tears so far. What gives, Alan Ball?

In perhaps the most ridiculous scene of the entire episode, Queen Sophie-Anne, humorously wearing her most ornate widow ensemble, arrives at Bill’s doorstep under the impression he will finally present her with Sookie, her long-awaited gateway to daylight. However, just as she begins to fantasize out loud what life in the sun will be like (“Perhaps I’ll get a yacht,” she muses), Bill bursts her bubble by informing her, rather matter-of-factly, that he invited her over under false pretenses. In fact, he actually says, “I had you come here under false pretenses.” Bill Compton is not one to mince words. After threatening her with the line, “Only one of us will be leaving here tonight,” the obligatory fang-off commences and both actors are pulled into the air by wirework so laughable I swear I can actually see the strings if I squint at the TV screen. A major battle is about to ensue between Bill and the Queen, but my lack of interest in this matter is surprising, even to me.

We see Sookie kneeling at Gran’s grave (yup, crying) and lamenting her recent inability to get a grasp on her life. “I feel so lost,” she wails. Suddenly, a warm glow envelops the area and Sookie hears a voice assuring her she isn’t alone. Hi, Claudine! Sookie displays a look on her face so earnestly stoic she may be in a trance. She walks toward Claudine’s outstretched hand and extends her own as the light between the two of them grows brighter and brighter as they get closer to each other. “Come with us,” Claudine implores. As other faeries appear in the background, the glow becomes so bright it’s nearly blinding until it suddenly disappears and both Sookie and Claudine are gone. The accompanying faeries are nowhere to be found. The camera simply lingers on an empty graveyard in Bon Temps, the town where Sookie Stackhouse used to live.

Where did Sookie go? is clearly the question intended for viewers to ask the most voraciously after the entire last scene had been devoted to her fairyland escape, but this “cliffhanger,” along with the entire tone of this episode, felt overwhelmingly anti-climactic for a season finale. In light of the jaw-dropping developments other episodes throughout the season had exhibited, my expectations were clearly above a poorly edited sequence involving Eric, Bill and the vat of cement (Russell’s destined to become the bottom of a Wal-Mart, I’m afraid), and Tara’s limp, although surely temporary (right?), exit. I would personally be beyond okay with never setting another figurative foot in Hotshot, although I think Jason’s storyline has at least been given a much-needed shove in any direction. Jessica and Hoyt’s looming problem with his mother and spurned girlfriend prove more intriguing than anything involving Crystal (or just about anyone for that matter), and I’m actually pleased Jesus will have more to do next season than spend the night at Lafayette’s and take care of his mother. With Russell predicted to be cemented out of commission for at least 100 years, it may feel that long before Season Four arrives.  By then he’ll have hopefully plotted his escape — after Season Three’s underwhelming finale, this True Blood fan is still a bit thirsty.

Season 3, Episode 12: Evil is Going On (originally aired September 12, 2010)

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Photographs courtesy of HBO and IMDbPro