True Blood Review: Walking On Sunshine

True Blood devotees across the nation are surely keeping their fingers crossed this week for the safety of Eric Northman, as Sunday’s penultimate episode set up Season Three’s finale with one of the most riveting cliff-hangers in recent memory. I’m thankful for the dramatic ending, in lieu of an otherwise awkward episode I found to be one of the overall weaker installments yet. With only one episode to go, there seem to be so many loose threads aimlessly floating among the litany of storylines, I have no choice but to assume the looming hiatus will keep most of the home fires burning for Season Four. After two weeks (or is it three?) with nary a glimpse of a werewolf, and the month-old news that Joe Manganiello has been signed as a series regular, the notion of a lycan resurgence will apparently test the patience of Alcide fans as his time in the spotlight is yet to come. Sigh.

For now, however, the inexplicable focus on Crystal and her family’s trailer-park treachery has stepped in, along with the frustratingly sluggish evolution of Sam and Tommy’s brotherly “love,” Jason’s inability to let go of his high school glory days, and Arlene’s God-fearing attempt to use Holly’s witchcraft to circumvent the fact that what she really wants is a blasphemous abortion. Yawn.

Luckily, Sunday’s episode begins at a fever pitch with a delicious cold open featuring perhaps the most dialogue we’ve heard from Pam, like, ever. Bill rushes into Fangtasia to either rescue Sookie, pummel Eric, or both if the opportunity arises. Pam interrupts his frantic search to inform him neither whiny faerie nor brooding vamp are present, a statement to which Bill insists he can “smell [Sookie’s] fear,” and calls Pam’s bluff. A delightful fang-off between Bill and Pam ensues, complete with Pam calling Bill an “infatuated tween” who can’t see the “bigger picture.” I concur. Snap out of it and get with the program, Bill – and bless you, Pam. She turns up the heat even further just before we cut to opening credits as she blasts Bill’s face with colloidal silver – “in stock and overpriced at your neighborhood health food store.” May I say it again? Bless you, Pam.

While Bill and Pam duke it out upstairs, Sookie has been chained up a la Lafayette in the basement the entire time before a spurned Yvetta finally slinks in to rescue her. After sneaking back upstairs, Sookie ambushes Pam by wrapping a silver chain around her neck and then dashes over to Bill to survey the damage done to his purdy little mug. Although temporarily blinded and disfigured, his injuries are determined benign and the colloidal silver-wielding Sookie demands information from a physically compromised Pam – particularly, why Eric impulsively decided to hold her captive. Pam tells Sookie she was intended to be “a gift for Edgington,” but now they’re “all gonna die” because of her escape. Guess Sookie’s missing the big picture here, too.

Back in Bon Temps, Jesus and Lafayette are having different reactions to their synchronized, time-traveling hallucinations while tripping balls on V the night before (I just reread that sentence and laughed out loud – True Blood, you are one of a kind). Amateur Jesus is still euphoric and chomping at the bit to try the drugs again in attempt to revisit the spooky ancestors encountered hours earlier (“Just like a virgin!” seasoned pro Lafayette scoffs. Ha!), while Lafayette is eager to err on the side of caution, providing Jesus with the rationale that the effects of V are unpredictable and there’s no way to know if they’ll have that kind of experience again. Then, when the “aftershocks” kick in and Jesus’s head turns into a technicolor demon, Lafayette is really ready to call it a day and tells Jesus he needs some rest and he’ll “call” him. Uh oh.

Jason’s still processing the notion that the gorgeous panther purring in his bedroom just morphed into his girlfriend, the redneck meth empire heiress, before his eyes. Crystal reminds Jason she had warned him from the start she had “secrets.” Jason protests, “I thought it was shoplifting or something!” The degeneracy of Crystal’s family is further revealed as Crystal interrupts Jason to remind him her problems exceed his because she’s all but forced to marry Felton and breed until she’s “old or dead,” adding the fact Felton is her half-brother to the already deprave mix. Jason, understandably, has heard enough for the time being and takes off to search for Sookie, leaving a miffed Crystal shouting from the front porch, “I ain’t done talkin’ yet!” Thankfully, however, she is — at least for now.

The recently reunited Jessica and Hoyt continue proving they’re the star couple on True Blood as they cuddle on the couch and discuss how much they missed each other without a single eye roll from yours truly. Hoyt is eternally grateful to Jessica for saving his life, showing his appreciation with a bit more passion than usual. Jessica assures him his sudden, overpowering virility is from the blood she fed him, prompting Hoyt to hilariously ask if drinking vampire blood would cause his arms and legs to grow back if they got chopped off – hypothetically, of course. Hee. Jessica interrupts the levity to tell Hoyt that if they’re serious about their relationship, she needs to be upfront about who she really is. She confesses to accidentally draining that unlucky trucker a few weeks back, and admits she has no desire to live off of True Blood alone. “I drink human blood, and I’m not gonna stop,” she declares. “This is what I am.” Hoyt then offers himself as Jessica’s own personal buffet, a proposal to which she delightfully concedes. Their palpable chemistry throughout the entire scene, particularly when Hoyt scoops Jessica in his arms as she feeds on him, puts Bill and Sookie’s tiresome romantic plight to shame. Congratulations on the wedding, Anna and Stephen, regardless.

Elsewhere, Eric confronts Russell at a museum, where the king and his beloved urn of Talbot guts are staring forlornly at a painting as the body of a drained security guard is lifelessly sprawled on the ground a few feet away. A grieving Russell asks Eric why he staked Talbot, and Eric is finally given the chance to explain his thousand-year-old grudge against Russell for bludgeoning his family. In typical Russell fashion, he snorts in Eric’s face, chuckling, “To lose the man I love because you miss your Mommy and Daddy? Well, that is a kick in the pants.” Eric informs Russell he has an enticing bribe for him in exchange for his clemency – the ability to experience daylight. “Daywalking?” Russell scoffs, under the common impression faeries and their sun-protective blood are long extinct. Eric assures Russell his proposition is valid, and manages to pique the king’s curiosity enough to bide some time to execute his real motives.

Bill and Sookie are making their getaway, speeding far from Fangtasia and back home to Bon Temps as fast as her little yellow car will take them. En route, the pair have a discussion about trust, and Sookie mentions that after “this whole Mississippi mess” she’d be “a crazy woman” to trust either Bill or Eric again. Yet here we are, Sook. Bill points out that he and Eric have different motives and are nothing alike, prompting him to  project a fantasy scenario in which he and Sookie have a “normal life.” To them, this apparently means Bill teaching third grade (!) and Sookie being a “super rich” real estate agent. There’s a vegetable garden in there somewhere, too. Just as Bill describes going “fishing with Jason” as part of his desired existence, Eric and Russell pop up in the middle of the road and the car comes to a screeching halt. A hungry, hungry Russell slams his fists on the hood so hard the back end of the car flies into the air, and Bill and Sookie are surely getting the sinking feeling they shouldn’t dig out their gardening gloves anytime soon.

Back at Merlotte’s, Sam’s bender is still going strong as he stumbles in on a mission to alienate his entire staff and clientele with drunken belligerence. He shouts obscenities of varying degrees to his room full of customers before lashing out on a trying-to-be-helpful Terry, horrified Arlene, and disgusted Holly, who tells Sam he can wait his own tables if he’s going to address his employees with such disrespect. I like her more and more every week. Holly and Arlene take off to practice her spiritual miscarriage ceremony in the woods, leaving a hapless Sam to his own devices.

Jason’s search for Sookie has apparently led him to the Bon Temps High School football field (uh, I don’t think that’s where she’s hiding, Jason) where he suspiciously spies fresh-faced star quarterback Kitch Maynard throwing superhuman passes. Literally. After watching the football barrel through the air with the speed and precision of a torpedo, Jason confronts the up-and-comer on his obvious use of V. Kitch neither confirms nor denies Jason’s accusations, but points out that despite its illegality, V is undetectable by drug tests (Really? That’s pretty convenient.) and neither his parents nor the principal care about his alleged use – in fact, they condone it. Jason is dumbstruck and assures Kitch his long-standing football record remains intact and authentic because he didn’t rely on drugs to enhance his performance. Kitch shrugs and tells Jason he’s getting a scholarship to LSU regardless, and therefore won’t have to be “part of the chain gang” in Bon Temps like Jason. Ouch.

Meanwhile, a devastated, freshly dumped Summer is pounding on Maxine’s door, explaining in between sobs that her plan to woo Hoyt was met without regard despite her best efforts, and best underwear. Maxine, after a fiery “Dagnabit!” and the like, assures Summer not to worry — Hoyt is simply under the spell of the “red-headed bloodsucker.” While I didn’t expect Hoyt’s busybody mother to be the driving force behind Summer’s particularly plucky persuasiveness, I’m not surprised. Unfortunately, between Summer’s gullible tendencies and Maxine’s bullheaded narrow-mindedness, I don’t foresee a happy ending for either lady. Maxine can go fly a kite as far as I’m concerned, but poor Summer should surely be given the opportunity to meet a doe-eyed dope in Bon Temps worthy of her affections without wasting her time with the beyond uninterested Hoyt. Moving on.

After shedding a few tears while visiting Eggs’ grave, Tara strolls into Merlotte’s just in time to witness a bleary-eyed Sam barely keep it together as he tends to every single guest in the restaurant by himself. “I could use some help in here,” he pointedly slurs. “I can see that,” Tara retorts. “Too bad I’m not workin’ tonight.” Heh. Tara makes her way to Andy’s booth and invites herself to sit down. As she gives him a silent stare, Andy awkwardly scrambles to make conversation (“I used to drink hot sauce straight from the bottle!”) and finally, noting he needs a drink refill, plans an escape route. Just as he gets up from the booth, Tara quips, “I know about Eggs.” As she starts to rip into Andy for covering up the truth and deeming him a “dirty, dirty cop,” he tears up and reveals that Eggs had entered the scene that night in serious anguish while wielding a knife – Jason had just acted through instinctive defense, and Eggs essentially committed suicide by cop. Tara, realizing neither Jason nor Andy is really the villain in this scenario, thus she has no one to blame in a blameless situation, begins to enter a whole new stage of grief – acceptance.

Sam, desperate for an extra pair of hands, throws an order pad at Tommy and tells him to take a table or ten. While Tommy throws the paper on the ground, feebly trying to convince Sam he’ll just memorize everything instead, Sam angrily insists he write things down because the kitchen needs an order ticket telling them what to make. At this point, noting the defensive despair on Tommy’s face and his overly dramatic refusal to use the note pad (although calling sloshed Sam “Joe Lee in a Sam suit” was the zing of the week), I realize Tommy is clearly illiterate – this also explains his cryptic skepticism when Sam suggested college a few weeks back. Sam, however, is a bit lacking in the perception department at this time and explodes, firing Tommy and telling him to move out of his apartment, then making his way to the dining room and demanding the whole place be “empty in two minutes.” Whoa. Tara, meanwhile, is sipping tequila at the bar with a smug expression on her face – I’d be glad I wasn’t working that night, too.

Holly, having swiped some salt at Merlotte’s before telling Sam to shove it, is using it to make a  circle on the ground where Arlene’s Wiccan miscarriage ceremony will take place. Arlene is clearly uncomfortable with her surroundings, saying “Amen” as Holly performs ritual chants, welcoming the spirits into the woods with them. While making an herbal tea, apparently a crucial element in this process, Holly tells Arlene that the ceremony is not guaranteed – “If the spirit is meant to be born,” she warns, “then it’s meant to be,” and there’s nothing they can do about it. Arlene nods, and takes Holly’s advice to pray and focus on the task at hand. Addressing both God and her mother’s disapproving ghost, Arlene explains and justifies her reasons for wanting to rid herself of this pregnancy and the potential danger it could wreak upon her family and relationship with Terry. After adding a drop of her blood (“sacrifice,” according to Holly) to the tea, she takes a deep breath, drinks it, and raises her arms to the sky and spirits with Holly.

Russell, Bill, Eric and Sookie, meanwhile, are walking back into Fangtasia when Eric instructs Bill to hit him as a distraction ploy to let Russell and Sookie go inside by themselves. As Russell gives Sookie a brief lesson on the Edgington plans for ultimate tyranny (“…there will be anarchy, then there will be me,” he coos), Eric waits until he and Bill are completely alone to assure him he does indeed “have a plan.” Let’s hope so.

Sam, apparently starting to sober up despite drinking tequila at the moment, is sitting at the bar inside a desolate Merlotte’s with Tara and the two discuss their social difficulties. Sam is tired of being a pushover and seen as the reliable “nice guy.” Tara points out he may not have to worry about that after tonight (good point), and that her quick temper has never allowed her to be perceived that way (“Hide the wedding china, Tara’s coming over!” she mocks). As the conversation turns more and more flirtatious, Sam and Tara eventually decide to take out their frustrations on each other in Sam’s bedroom. While they’re busy knocking boots, Tommy is shown cutting the wires to Sam’s alarm system, enabling him to open the safe and pocket the cash without triggering any electronic alert. Okay, maybe he can read after all.

Morning is upon Bon Temps as Arlene dreams about fishing as a younger girl while her mother calls for her to come inside the house. A terrified Terry wakes her up as she realizes her bed sheets and nightgown are covered in blood. Terry tries to call 911, but Arlene assures him she’s okay and just needs to clean up and be taken to the hospital, no ambulance needed. She warns him she thinks they may be losing the baby and he begins to wail in distress. Poor, uninformed, unintuitive Terry. At the doctor’s, Arlene is stunned to hear the “strong critter” is still alive, and her tepid “yay…” amidst Terry’s one-man parade of gratitude all but announces her crushing disappointment that the previous nights’ ceremony didn’t work – to everyone but Terry, of course.

Meanwhile, Crystal and Jason are launching into yet another variation of  the same conversation they’ve been having since the moment they met. She insists on going back to Hotshot to stop the drug bust Jason let slip was going to happen any day now. Jason still can’t understand her ties to the people who live there, even though they’re her family, citing the bug-eyed, deer-eating naked guy he came across the other day as a prime example. In yet another moment of unintentional hilarity from a character on True Blood, Crystal responds, “That’s my double cousin Beaufort,” completely unaware how inherently wrong that statement is. I’m sure I’m echoing the thoughts of other viewers when I wonder, How does someone become your double cousin?

Back at Fangtasia, Russell is expressing serious skepticism about Sookie’s faerie ancestry and sun-repellent blood. Now apparently in on The Plan, Bill suddenly backs up Eric’s claims to help convince Russell Sookie’s blood can indeed provide “daywalking” abilities to vampires, much to Sookie’s horror. Didn’t we just talk about trust, Bill Compton?! her open-mouthed gape appears to be saying. Out loud, “I hate you,” is all she can verbally muster. We, of course, know Bill still eventually began to burn in the sun after feeding on Sookie, but Russell does not, and that’s what matters. While Russell considers Eric and Bill’s testimony, Pam is visibly upset over Eric’s yet-to-be-revealed true intentions and the two have a tender moment where Eric spies a tear on Pam’s face and tells her, “You know I love you when you’re cold and heartless.” As the two embrace, I think to myself, What does Eric have up his sleeve? Finally sufficiently persuaded, Russell and Eric feed off of Sookie while Bill watches, warning them not to drain her and use all the valuable blood at once. Russell then makes sure Eric bears the brunt of the sunlight first, and carefully watches his outing on Fangtasia’s security cameras. As I remember Godric explaining last season that older vampires burn more easily in sunlight, I begin to think The Plan is becoming clear to me. As smoke begins to waft from Eric’s skin, he faces away from the camera to keep Russell unaware and satisfied at the protection Sookie’s blood has given them. Russell, adequately convinced, slowly ventures outside, and basks in the glory of real sunlight for the first time in 3,000 years. As he turns to Eric to share his enthusiasm, the wisps of smoke lilting from Eric’s charred face cause Russell to immediately realize he’d been had. Eric then attaches himself to Russell with silver handcuffs and proclaims they’ll “die together” in his ultimate sacrifice as Bill, tied up inside, pleads a devastated Pam to let him feed an unconscious Sookie, drained within an inch of her life yet again.

Now, while I’m certain Eric won’t be meeting the true death as he planned (there’s just no way), I am genuinely concerned for Russell, as I’d hoped his destiny wouldn’t follow the template True Blood has used the past two seasons in killing off its primary villains. Of all the storylines to continue, Russell’s increasingly Machiavellian domination of the vampire world and utter destruction of their relationship to humans is at the top of my list – Jason’s beef with the high school quarterback? Not so much. I’m already at the edge of my seat to see how Eric survives his attempt to martyr himself, but not too thrilled with the amount of muck I had to wade through during this episode to reach such a gripping final scene. Here’s hoping the highly anticipated finale in two weeks (Happy Labor Day) stays focused on the aftermath of Eric’s sacrificial attempt and far away from the football field.

Season 3, Episode 11: Fresh Blood (originally aired August 29, 2010)

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