It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia Review: Still Waters

On a Saturday, at 10 a.m., in Philadelphia, buddies Mac, Charlie and Dennis are in a boat dealer’s office ready to make a deal — citing their recent, albeit shady, luck with finances as the inspiration behind the splurge. On this third episode of the sixth season of FX’s brash and brazen It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, the cutting satire and irreverence that has garnered the comedy a legion of devoted fans seems sadly absent, save for a few quippy one-liners that stand out like diamonds in the rough. While the titles of every episode of Sunny are succinct descriptions of what is about to take place, this week’s installment, aptly coined “The Gang Buys a Boat,” provides so little sustenance behind the concise description that taking the time to watch hardly seems worth it. As you’re about to learn, the gang does indeed buy a boat, but little fanfare ensues as a result.

As usual, the gang’s delusion about their current state of affairs runs deep as it turns out Mac, Dennis and Charlie’s investment loot only amounts to about $2500 and the unknown contents of gullible Charlie’s life savings – hardly enough to afford what the guys tell the dealer they have in mind, specifically a “shrimping vessel” with the luxury amenities of P. Diddy’s yacht. The reasons behind their sudden, um, wealth are cryptically alluded to as “on the hush hush from Uncle Sam,” and the boat dealer politely listens to their ridiculous pitch (which includes Mac’s inherent “need for speed”) before leading them out to the sale docks and pointing out the gem that’s more within their price range. “The Drowning Sailor” is a dilapidated old houseboat Dennis is dubious about splurging on, but Mac and Charlie are too ready to set sail (or in Charlie’s case, get the shrimping nets ready) to nickel and dime this guy for something better. This is the part, apparently, where the gang buys a boat.

As the three amigos introduce their new purchase to Dee and Frank, Charlie’s obsession with shrimping rages on and Dee marvels at the boat’s ability to adhere to dual tasks as both living quarters and a water vehicle. “All the advantages of a home, but with the excitement of the sea,” Dennis proudly declares. However, as they venture inside it becomes clearer than ever that this boat “isn’t Diddy-esque at all!” and needs a serious makeover. While Dee plays some inspirational tunes (pre-Diddy Puff Daddy to be exact) to set the mood for their boat renovation, Dennis and Mac declare she dances like “one of those inflatable men at a used car lot,” which she absolutely, and hilariously, does.

Charlie and Frank have been assigned to the coveted task of scraping the barnacles off the bottom of the boat, which somehow gives them the idea they’ll find edible crustaceans underneath to cook for dinner that night. Ew. After Charlie and Mac argue about who gets to be captain of the Drowning Sailor, Frank tosses the keys of the boat to Charlie overhand and they promptly splash in the ocean water behind them. Charlie, Frank says, has to be the one to fish them out because he apparently lacks the ability to sink in water. Seriously. “I just bobble around in there like a cauliflower,” he attests, and I admit this revelation and Dee dancing like an inflatable used car lot man mark the two times I’ve laughed during this episode thus far. It will be relatively easy to keep track, believe me.

Mac and Dennis head to the hardware store to get supplies and Dennis unleashes a discomforting theory about how the guys can secure their feminine prospects on the open sea, pointing out how ladies will find it difficult to say no to their advances because of “the implications.” Mac is lost and asks Dennis to elaborate, which involves an increasingly exasperated Dennis explaining he means no harm to any female visitor, but the boat significantly increases their chances of getting laid because any target will be afraid of getting tossed overboard if they reject sleeping with the sailors. Essentially. Mac – and I – are more convinced than ever that Dennis is a creepy misogynist despite his numerous attempts to re-explain the logic behind his hypothesis and its lack of ill will toward the female race. Whatever.

Meanwhile, Charlie still hasn’t found the keys but has uncovered all sorts of buried treasure underneath the boat, including a tooth and a bullet. Naturally, he and Frank come to the conclusion a horse massacre involving pirates and the American Revolution took place here long ago.

Dee has decided to pitch in and clean up the inside of the boat by tossing the various knick-knacks out the window, into the sea and out of plain sight. Charlie finds all her trash, which include such treasures as hairbrushes (clearly for a pirate) and porcelain dolls. Frank investigates the scene and ultimately declares his plan to “gut the joint” and returns with a sledgehammer to physically demolish any structural design within the boat’s narrow walls. Productive.

After a brief, but heated debate about 80s adult contemporary singer Steve Winwood, Dennis and Mac spy a flier on the wall indicating a mixer at the docks for all the “boat people” they want to start fraternizing with. As they return to the boat and discover Dee, Charlie and Frank filthy, sun blistered and exhausted, Mac and Dennis bail to get dressed for the party leaving their crew rather resentful. However, there is a silver lining as Charlie has found the keys and will take the Drowning Sailor out to sea for a private party of his own with Dee and Frank.

Mac and Dennis are amusingly dressed to the nautical nines in their Dockers and topsiders – Mac even has his sweater sleeves tied over his shoulders and across his chest – and they head out to the mixer, which turns out to be a group of five or six burly, Deadliest Catch-type ruffians. “These guys are more barnacle-covered and sunburned than Charlie, Dee and Frank!” Dennis exclaims, before proposing a quick escape. Mac, however, wants to stay and experience the adventure a night on the open sea with such a motley crew can provide, until he and Dennis discover one of the men has a hook for a hand. In spite of his testimony that he lost his hand to diabetes instead of a great white or some other ocean menace, Mac and Dennis get ready to split — just as a handful of scantily clad girls arrive on the boat. Convenient. Dennis reminds Mac, again, why they probably won’t say no – “the implications,” you see – and things are beginning to look up for the duo.

Back on the Drowning Sailor, Dee, Charlie and Frank are yukking it up – the gang somehow even scored Dee her very own inflatable used car lot man to dance with – until Charlie sloppily, inevitably, throws an oxygen tank for scuba diving into the main room. It hits the already-damaged fuse box – thanks to the sledgehammer-wielding Frank earlier that afternoon – and catches fire. Surprise, surprise.

Just as Dennis and Mac stroll down the dock with a girl on each arm, talking up their boat as if they had forgotten it isn’t P. Diddy-esque – Dee, Charlie and Frank emerge from the water fully clothed and terrified. Mac and Dennis are disgusted by this unwelcome showcase of cock-blocking galore, and demand to know where the boat is. “Over there,” Charlie meekly offers, pointing to the blazing inferno about fifty yards offshore. “This was a terrible investment,” he concludes.

Unfortunately, I found this episode to be a terrible investment as well, as it didn’t exhibit any of the top-notch zings that make Sunny such an off-color guilty pleasure. Last week’s installment that focused on everyone’s struggle with relationships contained far more noteworthy uses of tongue-in-cheek zest than this week’s, which felt like throwaway filler and provided zero advancement in any continuing storylines. Here’s hoping the next installment of Sunny will provide more of the successful humor it trademarked that cuts to the bone, instead of the watery attempt at situational comedy seen this week.

Season 6, Episode 3: The Gang Buys a Boat (originally aired September 30, 2010)

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Thursdays at 10pm on FX

Photographs courtesy of FX and IMDbPro