Glee Review: We Need a Will Schuester Intervention

I need to start off this review by saying I have seen very little of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Very, very little. I’ve heard some of the songs and seen a scene or two, but that’s about it. So when it came to this special-themed episode of Glee, I approached it as I would any other regular episode and wasn’t particularly overly excited.

Let’s address one thing first: Will Schuester, what the hell is your problem this season?? First, you think it’s okay to perform a sultry rendition of “Toxic” with the Gleeks in front of the school, and now you’re giving yourself a part in Rocky Horror just to impress Emma? Please make it stop! Is this what we have to put up with now instead of the awful rapping?

The basic premise of the story is this: Emma is telling Will all about how amazing her boyfriend Carl is and that they went to a showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show. In a desperate bid to win over Emma and find excuses to “bond” with her, Will claims that Rocky Horror is his FAVORITE MUSICAL OF ALL TIME and that – what a coincidence!- the Gleeks will be putting on a production of the show.

Of course there’s a lot of controversy about putting on such a risqué production, but Will somehow gets away with it. It also brings about the big theme for this week: male body issues. Finn is going to have to do a scene in only his whitey tighties and his lack of abs is worrying him. Especially when you compare him with Sam who is ab-tastic! We’re always hearing so much about women and their body issues, it’s interesting to see the opposite side. Kudos, Glee, for again going where very few have gone before.

The performances were top notch as usual. Mercedes killed it as Frank-N-Furter and John Stamos gets to belt a tune which also probably had many women swooning and reminiscing on his Uncle Jesse days. Will and Emma go all out in a really hot performance of “Touch A Touch A Touch A Touch Me.” The costumes as well were brilliant – the theatrical aspect of Glee always delivers.

Sue was around and came back with her “Sue’s Corner” segment on the local news. Genius, as always! I wasn’t fully following her storyline, but it had something to do with corrupting the Rocky Horror production (of course) and partnering up with some big cable execs which eventually fell through.

Will also comes to his senses and realizes how inappropriate he’d been acting. The Rocky Horror production was called off, but they still performed one final song, “Time Warp,” for themselves. Awwwww team bonding.

For another opinion on this episode, check out Oh, the Horror! by Alana D.

Season 2, Episode 5: The Rocky Horror Glee Show (originally aired October 26, 2010)

For more on Glee, click here.

Tuesdays at 8pm on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro

Win Advanced Screening Tickets for Faster

Buckle up and fasten your seat belt for a tale of revenge featuring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Billy Bob Thornton.

Poptimal.com and CBS Films’ are teaming up to give forty (40) of you a chance to win two (2) free passes to see an advanced screening of Faster.

FASTER
Promo Screening
Monday, November 22
7:30 PM
Regal Gallery Place
Washington, DC

Please note, tickets do not guarantee admittance.  Seating is first come, first served.

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1. Post your comments about at least one (1) of our front page articles

2. Email your name, email address and name of the post you commented on to contests@poptimal.com. Put “Faster” in the subject line.

3. Wait. Winners will be notified starting Monday, November 15th.

*** If you’re on Twitter. you will have an additional chance to win courtesy of our popular podcast, The Jone Dome.  After you enter as stated above, follow us at @Poptimal and send the following tweet: “Check out Poptimal.com for chances to win tickets to an Advance Screening of “FASTER” @Poptimal“  You will receive additional entries (limit one per day) to win the above prize.

After 10 years in prison, Driver (Dwayne Johnson) has a singular focus – to avenge the murder of his brother during the botched bank robbery that led to his imprisonment.  Now a free man with a deadly to-do list in hand, he’s finally on his mission…but with two men on his trail – a veteran cop (Billy Bob Thornton) just days from retirement, and a young egocentric hitman (Oliver Jackson-Cohen) with a flair for the art of killing and a newfound worthy opponent.  The hunter is also the hunted. It’s a do or die race to the list’s finish as the mystery surrounding his brother’s murder deepens, and new details emerge along the way hinting that Driver’s list maybe incomplete.

Faster opens in theaters nationwide Wednesday, November 24.

Gossip Girl Review: Loving the “B” Plot

The best part of this week’s episode was the revelation that the return of She Who Should Stay Gone proved temporary. At least for now.

Yes, that’s right. Little J, aka The Devil in Mascara, aka The AntiChrist, aka Taylor Momsen, returned to the Upper East Side even after a strict banishment from Blair Waldorf (Leighton Meester) herself. What we know that Blair doesn’t, is that Chuck (Ed Westwick) is behind her reappearance as he tries to help her get admitted to a prestigious fashion academy in NYC.

Blair catches Jenny at home after a lurid nightmare in which a big chunk of Jenny’s overly nasty blond weave ends up in Blair’s hand – and throws down the gauntlet. She agrees to give J a day pass in the city provided she sees no one, speaks to no one, and goes out only for her interview. When Chuck’s scheming requires her to stop at the Empire, Blair retaliates by ruining Jenny’s designs. I feel like this has happened before.

Oh right, because it has.

Dan (Penn Badgley) plays the protective big brother role, earning grudging respect mixed with hilarious quips from Chuck. (My personal fave, Chuck to Dan: “That’s so dramatic. You should be a writer.”). In the end, Chuck invites J and her family to yet another conveniently placed social gathering in which all of Manhattan’s elite will be in one place, and the night ends in humiliation. Jenny and Blair discover Chuck was behind her interview the entire time, and She Who Should Stay Gone realizes no one knows why Blair banished her from the island in the first place. What’s the logical thing to do? Oh right, send a blast to Gossip Girl and out yourself as a hoochie. Good job. So now everyone knows Chuck cheated on Blair with Jenny (even though he didn’t even cheat, they were on a break). Whatever.

Boring Big Brother Dan tells The Antichrist if this is how she’s behaving after one day in the city, then perhaps she should return upstate. This is a piece of advice I can get behind. In the end, The Devil in Mascara leaves, but not before she lays the moral lesson of the week down on Chuck and Blair – that if they continue trying to outdo one another, they’ll both be destroyed. At the end of the night, Chuck and Blair form a truce that ends in a heartbreaking moment with each of them lingering on opposite sides of a closed door. Just get over it already – YOU TOTALLY BELONG TOGETHER.

Um. Yeah.

Other stuff happened too, some of which even interested me. First, Serena (Blake Lively) finally ends up spending the night with “cab guy” Colin, which we’ve all seen coming. She doesn’t sleep with him, though, so it’s okay, right? She finds out the next day that not only is he her business professor, but he’s also the city’s most eligible bachelor. Man, it’s hard to be S sometimes. She decides to drop her class so that she can date him, but after a guilt trip from her mother about choosing her future over men, she amends the decision and she and the mysterious hottie claim they can wait until the end of the semester. I don’t see what could possibly go wrong with this situation. I mean, besides the fact that S doesn’t have a long history of being able to keep her clothes on.

Meanwhile, the Juliet (Katie Cassidy) story is heating up and I, for one, am growing antsy waiting for the payoff. She seems to have genuine feelings for Nate (Chace Crawford), and we learn the guy in prison is actually her brother (David Call). By yet another handy twist of fate, Nate’s father has been transferred to the same correctional facility as the mystery man. Juliet begs her brother to let her be honest with Nate, claiming he’s not judgmental like the others. Just as Juliet is about to reveal some family secrets, Nate gets a phone call informing him that his father was attacked and beaten. He rushes off to the prison infirmary and Juliet receives a text – “get my message?”

Yeah, psycho mystery guy. We got it.

But the really big bomb? Juliet is also being paid by “cab guy,” who supposedly is smitten with S but apparently not really. They are in something together, and toast to “patience.”

Will we find out what’s going on, why this ever growing circle of strangers is out to get our Upper East Siders? I want to know!

I’d love to know what you think.

Until next time – XOXO.

Season 4, Episode 6: Easy J (originally aired October 25, 2010)

Mondays at 9/8C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Giovanni Rufino

For more on Gossip Girl, click here. Follow Poptimal on Twitter here.  Friend us on Facebook here.

The Office: Interview With Angela Kinsey and Ellie Kemper

It’s Halloween, and everyone at The Office is in an uproar. In preparation for NBC’s Halloween episode of The Office, Poptimal.com had the opportunity to interview Angela Kinsey and Ellie Kemper from the hit comedy show. And if you think the crazy antics of the Scranton Branch of Dunder Mifflin make for really great tv, just imagine working there. In my session with Angela and Ellie, more commonly known to Office fans as Angela Martin and Erin Hannon, the actors talk about the upcoming Halloween episode, Ryan as the great filmmaker, and how it feels to get paid to let loose.

Everyone who’s seen The Office is aware of the show’s concept of a wacky look at a corporate workplace. But this Thursday, things get even more insane with an episode that focuses on the spirited tradition of Halloween. The employees of Dunder Mifflin face off in a costume contest for the coveted prize of… a coupon book. (What else would you expect from Michael and crew?) So, just to what extent will your favorite characters go to receive the holy grail of retail? Here’s what you need to know about “Costume Contest.”

It’s Insanely Fun
In our interview Angela Kinsey calls the episode ‘scary fun.’ Imagine your favorite Office episode played out with your favorite characters in outlandish costumes (and no, the Willy Wonka episode doesn’t count.) Ellie gives a special shout-out to the wardrobe staff who really went all out to create such horrifying and elaborate costumes. This trip around our favorite office workers goes all out, bringing the best and worst of their characters forward. As Angela describes, it’s amazing to see these characters want something and go after it. So be prepared for some wild antics and sabotage coming up (and keep a special eye out for Kelly.)

The Ryan Project
To gear up for “Costume Contest” NBC has released for Office fans the webisode, “The 3rd Floor.” From the disturbed mind of your favorite former intern-who-made-it-big-then-was-subsequently-fired-and-rehired-as-a-lowly-temp (I have nothing against temps) Ryan Howard, this webisode features your favorite Dunder Mifflin staff in their own mini horror movie. Angela and Ellie both say it was a blast to be a part of this mini-movie, even though they describe the movie as “gruesome” and “gross,” a true Halloween tale.

But this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to The Office episodes. Upcoming shows feature Ryan trying to start his own personal networking site, much to the frustration of everyone else. The Office gang attends the baptism of Jim and Pam’s daughter with varied results. (I’m betting one of them can’t cross the threshold of the church.)

“Costume Contest” premieres this Thursday on NBC. To see more on “The 3rd Floor” visit the movie’s website at http://www.the3rdfloormovie.com/main.shtml.

For more television reviews and interviews, click here.

Images courtesy of NBC Universal and Chris Haston.

Chuck Review: Moms Can Be Scary

Chuck had a lot to deal with this week. His girlfriend and his mother came face-to-face, unfortunately while pointing guns at each other. Then he got duped by his mom, but more on that sad moment later. Through it all, he was dealing with this and couldn’t even tell Ellie, the one true person who has as much of a vested interest in their absentee mom as he does.

We learned, during their brief, creepy meeting on a playground, that Frost is deep undercover and doesn’t want to know anything about Chuck or Ellie that could place them in danger, should she ever be caught and tortured. She would have never come out of hiding if not for Atroxium, a nerve gas that causes extreme terror in its victims, driving them mad. Their experience reminded me of the symptoms when exposed to the Scarecrow’s agent in Batman Begins. Stanley Wheelwright (Robert Englund) approached Volkoff and wanted to be hooked up with their most reliable arms dealer. Mama B suggested they set up a meeting with Chuck as the faux arms dealer so the CIA could take the dangerous weapon off the market.

Chuck and Sarah pawned the idea off as their own to Beckman, who agreed, and that’s when Chuck dropped the bomb to Casey and Morgan. His mom had sought them out to give the CIA some intel. Could her undercover story be trusted? Morgan was happy for Chuck, but Casey was wary. Still, he was so hard-focused on trying to cultivate the little hutzpah he saw in Morgan into something spy-worthy that he was more lax than usual.

At the meet, Mama B unexpectedly showed up, outing Chuck as a CIA spy and shooting him in the chest. The look of horror on his face was heartbreaking, but the excitement of it all was killer. Chuck happened to be wearing a bulletproof vest, but it didn’t shield him from a broken heart. Aww! It appeared Chuck was right when he voiced his doubts earlier whether they were making the right decision to trust his mom. He said he had a huge blind spot when it came to her.

Afterward, Chuck understandably felt like an idiot but Sarah confided that she loves that part of Chuck that can still manage to trust in the dog-eat-dog spy world. Things weren’t over yet, which reminded me that we were only halfway done, and I’d watched so much fantastic action and plot development. It might have taken awhile to get to Linda Hamilton, but at least we dived in head first.

Mama B found Chuck once more, but this time she had an excuse. She betrayed him to protect her cover and save his life. Volkoff was getting kind of suspicious, and it worked. She even locked Wheelwright inside his very incriminating shipping container with the weapon. The lady doesn’t deliver a present without the bow on top.

Chuck tried to convince his mother to stay and at least see Ellie who was pregnant with her grandchild, but she was gone before the CIA showed up to thank her. This made Casey’s sinister senses tingle because he still didn’t understand why she would have to run if she was one of the good guys.

In Burbank, Ellie and Awesome dealt with Awesome’s mom. (I gladly welcome back, Morgan Fairchild.) The juxtaposition of Mama B, the tough badass, and Mama Awesome, the soft-spoken bully, was hilarious in itself. Honey believes babies need things like dictionaries and encyclopedias instead of cute bears in pink dresses. Though Honey is overbearing, Ellie appreciated that she wants to be a part of the baby’s life which is unlike her own mother. Mama B happened to be lurking in the aisles listening and made up her mind to rendezvous with her daughter before disappearing.

Chuck still had some business to deal with, like Wheelwright. He and Sarah stayed on guard duty, but Casey and Morgan went off to get some more info on Frost without Chuck’s knowledge. While Chuck and Sarah pawed at the weapon, they accidentally started a countdown timer. They released Wheelwright in the hopes that he’d be so afraid of exposure that he’d shut it down, but he didn’t care one bit. Chuck locked Sarah out so she wouldn’t be affected, but Wheelwright didn’t react as they expected. Wheelwright explained that his constant testing of the toxin on himself forced him to face his own nightmares and overcome them. Essentially, he feared nothing. Chuck, on the other hand, is and always will be afraid of almost EVERYTHING.

They made their way out to the Buy More floor, but Chuck wouldn’t turn off the store lockdown. Wheelwright saw the perfect tool to scare Chuck into releasing him. He eyed the Aisle of Terror and pushed him towards it, but he had no idea what was in store for him.

Earlier, Lester and Jeff were put in charge of Halloween decorations, when Big Mike clued Morgan into the most important part of management…delegation. When Chuck and Morgan toured it, it was laughable. Lester had aimed to get into Jeff’s head and out came some crazy theories regarding his prior psychotherapy. Apparently old people can be extremely terrifying, but under these circumstances, it actually was. (We also learned that black licorice and man feet fit into that category.) It spooked Wheelwright enough to buy Sarah some time to break back in, take him out and save Chuck.

Finally, Chuck was able to tell the truth to Ellie, who was so adorably excited about having the missing part of her life back. He set up a dinner for the three of them, but when Mama B was late, he began to show some reservations. Would she even show? No tears, on that front. She did come, bear in tow, but she was nabbed by masked men. Did Volkoff finally know the truth?!

Actually, it was quite the opposite. Casey used his ties in the CIA to get help from an expunged records expert. Apparently, Frost’s operations had been shut down long ago when she went rogue. So when Chuck attempted to get to his mom, pulling off one of the agent’s masks instead, it was revealed to be Sarah. All she could say was, “I’m protecting your blind spot.”

Chuck went back to Ellie completely downtrodden, but the surprises weren’t over yet. Ellie didn’t understand why their mom would bail on them again. So, he told her the hard truth…because Mama B is a spy!

This week had action, more bromance between Casey and Morgan, intrigue, sweet relationship moments, no stupid arguments, laughs and still managed to pay homage to Halloween without being awkward. It wasn’t the most hysterical episode, but a fantastic episode overall. I can’t wait when the super spies face off. Chuck vs. Timothy Dalton!

JEFFISMS

“I know a really good morgue that gives discounts on unclaimed merchandise. Maybe we could sprinkle some cold, dead ones in here.”

“Nothing I won’t do for 30 dollars and a sandwich…or just a sandwich.”

“Get read to see some of the scariest things in the world…old people, public showers, interspecies relationship…babies in costumes. Is it a baby? Or is it snail? I don’t know!”

Season 4, Episode 6: Chuck Versus the Aisle of Terror (originally aired October 25, 2010)

For more on Chuck, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C on NBC

Images courtesy of NBC and Jordin Althaus.

Win a Psych Gift Bag, Complete with Pineapple Pillow!

Poptimal.com and USA Network are excited to offer one lucky reader a Psych gift bag! Read on to find out how you can become eligible for these goodies.

USA’s hot roster of hit series gives viewers something to warm up to as the days get shorter and the nights grow colder. November sees the return of fan-favorite Psych on Wednesday, November 10, at 10/9c with brand new cases waiting to be solved  Visit the official Psych website for games, photos and weekly prizes. Visit USA Network’s Character Arcade to play games, challenge friends and for more chances to win prizes!

The gift bag includes:

–Pineapple Pillow
–Season 4 DVD Set
–Psych Book: A Fatal Frame of Mind
–80s Candy Pack

Here’s How To Win (No Purchase Necessary)
1. Post your comments about at least one (1) of our front page articles (You will get 1 entry for every comment)

2. Email your name, email address and name of the post you commented on to contests@poptimal.com. Put “Psych Pineapple” in the subject line.

Guidelines
-Open to residents of the U.S. and Canada
-Entrants must be at least 18 yrs of age
-This prize pack is valued at $130 and is provided by USA Network
-Contest ends on November 19, 2010

Win a Burn Notice Gift Bag including a Season 3 DVD Set!

Poptimal.com and USA Network are excited to offer one lucky reader a Burn Notice gift bag! Read on to find out how you can become eligible for these goodies.

USA’s hot roster of hit series gives viewers something to warm up to as the days get shorter and the nights grow colder. November sees the return of fan-favorite Burn Notice on Thursday, November 11, at 10/9c with brand new episodes.  Visit the official Burn Notice website for games, photos and weekly prizes. Visit USA Network’s Character Arcade to play games, challenge friends and for more chances to win prizes!

The gift bag includes:

- Season 3 DVD Set
– Burn Notice Book: The Getaway
– Burn Notice “Chuck Finley T-Shirt
– Logo Hat

Here’s How To Win (No Purchase Necessary)
1. Post your comments about at least one (1) of our front page articles (You will get 1 entry for every comment)

2. Email your name, email address and name of the post you commented on to contests@poptimal.com. Put “Burn Notice” in the subject line.

Guidelines
-Open to residents of the U.S. and Canada
-Entrants must be at least 18 yrs of age
-This prize pack is valued at $130 and is provided by USA Network
-Contest ends on November 19, 2010

Dexter Review: First Blood

This week’s installment of Dexter seemed to test the patience of loyal viewers who have been faithfully devoted to the Showtime series’ fifth season in spite of grumblings in the fan-verse. I include myself in the aforementioned demographic as I’ve optimistically championed the darkly comic drama’s ability to weave fresh panache into its standby formula thus far in the season. Sunday’s episode, however, proved itself a rather meandering, anti-climactic non-entity that was frustrating to witness after waiting for something of real substance to happen for five episodes now.

Now, even I have to sheepishly admit my patience is wearing thin.

While Julia Stiles’ trauma victim is a welcome addition to an already well-rounded cast, her stiffly angst-ridden plight and Dexter’s almost paralytic state in the wake of Rita’s murder has rendered the major action of the season relatively tame when compared to previous years’ mind-blowing developments. A tiny spark of optimism keeps telling me each small step taken in this first act of the season will lay the groundwork for more explosive action later on, but at this point I’ll settle for a good old-fashioned Dexter kill to tide me over in the meantime. Unfortunately, he seems too emotionally ill equipped to get back into the swing of things just yet.

Dexter acts particularly high-strung and contemplative throughout the episode, evident in the first scene as Harrison accidentally scratches another toddler’s face at daycare. Despite his shrink’s clean bill of mental health last week, Dexter wonders if his son is still destined for a dark passenger of his own given the lineage and circumstances Dexter has provided. “We all have something to hide,” is the episode’s opening line as Dexter watches Harrison’s behavior and assesses his own growing multitude of problems. After hiding behind a façade of normalcy for most of his life, his recent and unorthodox friendship of sorts with Lumen has Dexter rethinking everything he had worked so hard to keep so stringent all these years.

Dexter meets a freshly scrubbed and jittery Lumen at a coffee shop to try and convince her, again, to leave her troubles behind in Miami and head back home to Minnesota where her concerned family is waiting. Lumen vehemently refuses and says she can’t go back home knowing the men who harmed her, other than Boyd of course, are roaming the neighborhood scot-free. She boldly asks Dexter to finish what he started with Boyd and kill the rest of his gang. Now it’s Dex’s turn to vehemently refuse as he instead presents Lumen with a plane ticket to Minneapolis and firmly suggests she move on with her life. Lumen resents Dexter’s presumption that it would be easy enough for her to just skip town after everything that’s happened, and she storms out of the coffee shop in a huff.

Deb is still deeply involved with the slow but steady progression in the Santa Muerte case. Unfortunately, she’s also becoming more deeply involved with Quinn as the two wake up next to each other after their mutual pity party the night before. Workaholic Deb starts to tease the suspended Quinn about his week off, but he insists Lieutenant LaGuerta forced him to use up his vacation days before they expired. Little does Deb know Quinn is actually being punished for his close scrutiny of her brother’s extra-curricular activities.

She and Batista head to the hospital to visit, and hopefully question, the hostage Deb encountered last week. She’s still wincing at the memory of his blood spewing all over her when a Fuentes brother sliced his throat in cold blood. Despite Deb’s guilt over her sloppy handling of the situation, the kid’s mother is gracious for her son’s saved life and allows for police interrogation. Deb and Batista find out the kid remembers a small tattoo on Fuentes’ hand that can help them corner the elusive suspect.

Dexter is still fixated on his problematic situation with Lumen as he continues to compare their respective circumstances. While Lumen “needs to stay away from the darkness,” Dexter reasons, he seems organically drawn to it. Interestingly, what they have in common is intense instinctual desires that conflict with their best interests. Officially back at work, Dex is researching possible accomplices of Boyd’s on his office computer when Deb swoops in to tease him about the strong likelihood of Masuka’s “midget porn” being stored on his hard drive during his absence. Heh. Dex starts to ask Deb why she didn’t come home the night before and she gives the classic excuse that she “crashed at a friend’s” to avoid waking him when she came in late. Oh, Deb. You’d be so much cooler without your immature hang-ups about guys.

Deb and Batista decide to follow up on their new lead by questioning the Miami Metro worker with the most tattoo knowledge. Why, it’s Masuka, the Man With the Dragon Tattoo himself, as he shows off his own body art (and animal-print banana hammock, for crying out loud) to justify his expertise on the matter. Masuka takes Deb to his tattoo parlor to meet his artist, an intense young woman who has somehow convinced people to start calling her “Michael Angelo.” She takes an immediate liking to Deb and does her best to explain the rather crude likeness the hostage drew of the Fuentes twin’s tattoo. She gets as far as determining the design is of “the third eye,” which signifies a mystical belief in higher consciousness, but is of little help beyond that tidbit of questionably pertinent info.

Dexter decides to go back to Boyd’s house to search for any information on his accomplices and quickly discovers someone already beat him to it. A window is broken and blood is streaked on the staggered edges, while various files and papers are strewn about in heaps throughout the house. When Dex discovers both the evidence of a letter from Boyd’s former cellmate and a bloody fingerprint on the envelope (“Amateurs,” Dexter mutters), he only has to test the DNA at work to confirm his suspicions.

Indeed, Lumen herself was the unexpected visitor at Boyd’s, clearly out on the same mission as Dexter. When he realizes the extent of her intent to hunt down her sadistic assailants, the importance of Dexter finding these men before she does becomes alarmingly clear. He investigates her hotel room and finds a disturbing display of newspaper clippings and feverish post-it notes that exhibit the depth of her unhealthy obsession. A sadly poignant detail is illustrated by the evidence that Lumen has set up an improvised bed in the closet because, assumingly, it’s where she feels the safest. Harry shows up to point out how all of this screams trouble for our Dex, warning that Lumen is clearly “coming undone” and will only slow Dexter down in his already vulnerable state.

Dexter meets Lumen at their usual rendezvous point, the coffee shop, to inform her he is aware of her plans. He pleads, again, she go home before intentionally putting herself in the kind of danger that got her into this situation in the first place. Boyd’s cronies, Dexter points out, are the type of guys to torture women and stuff their corpses into metal barrels. They probably don’t want to be found, and know how to make sure that doesn’t happen. Lumen is still terribly skittish and shouts clear across the room when Dexter tries to give her a supportive but forceful grasp to convey the sincerity of his argument. Needless to say, her quest for revenge is overwhelming the logic sector of her brain and she insists she can’t move on with her life until she knows these men are dead.

Batista and LaGuerta, meanwhile, are still busy creating their own mini telenovela within the show as their marital strife continues. Batista’s potential trouble with Internal Affairs has him on edge to begin with, and LaGuerta’s tight-lipped approach to the matter worries him all the more. When he spies her leaving the office with the chief IA investigator to his case, Batista confronts her at home that night and asks if there’s anything he needs to know. LaGuerta chooses her words very carefully and all but avoids the subject, causing a now-seething Batista to snoop through her text messages. He finds out she’s planning to meet the suit in question at a local motel the following afternoon. How on earth this plot survived the cutting room floor is beyond me. Hopefully this meandering soap opera is somehow serving a greater purpose for a jaw-dropping twist later in the season. Hopefully.

As for the Santa Muerte case, Deb and Officer Manzon are going through the surveillance footage of the ATM where the husband of the first discovered victim withdrew all of his money the night his wife died – and hours before his own grisly demise. Interestingly, all of the ATM’s visitors displayed similar paranoid mannerisms and made large withdrawals of the maximum possible amount. Coincidence? Deb and her second banana think not, as they pursue the evidence further and roll right on up to the house of one of the ATM patrons to investigate. While the house looks normal from the outside, it, too, is hiding something (central theme alert!) as a foul smell nearly knocks Deb and Manzon to their knees as they approach the front door. Deb peers into a window and swarms of flies are buzzing around an unseen, but surely sickening, display. They kick in the door and discover the two grossest, most realistic-looking rotting carcasses in television history. The colonies of maggots slithering over the bodies put Manzon over the edge and she runs out to puke. Deb holds it together, barely (along with me, ugh), and reports the discovery.

Dex and Masuka arrive at the scene, along with the silently estranged Batista and LaGuerta. Dexter says the bodies both have injuries that are consistent with the slashing of a machete, but none of the characteristic ritual displays Santa Muerte is known for are apparent. Deb theorizes that perhaps this murder occurred before any of the others, given the decomposed state of the victims, and the perpetrators simply hadn’t settled into their groove yet. Deb surveys the scene and spies a poster across the street with a symbol on it resembling Fuentes’ third eye tattoo. Huh? As she peels back more recent flyers and advertisements covering the banner, she realizes the symbol the hostage saw wasn’t a tattoo, but rather a fading hand stamp from a Miami nightclub. Good thing Quinn wasn’t around, because Deb’s exponential lack of coolness around him would have perhaps prevented this breakthrough in the case.

Elsewhere, Dexter does further research on Boyd’s former cellmate and discovers his name is Brunner and he’s already out on parole after being sentenced to seven years for sexual assault. Photographs of his handiwork show deep lacerations to the victim’s back that are eerily similar to Lumen’s. Could Brunner be one of her co-attackers? Dexter vows to find him before Lumen does, and quickly heads down to Tuttle Bridge, a seedy makeshift neighborhood where recently paroled registered sex offenders are banished. He spots Brunner quite easily (a little too easily, actually) and introduces himself quite convincingly as a convicted rapist (a little too convincingly, actually). Brunner seems eager to bond with a fellow sadistic sociopath and almost immediately launches into a sickeningly proud story involving his latest conquest: a blonde. Of course.

Dexter’s ears perk up so quickly he reacts immediately in spite of Harry’s warnings and sedates Brunner on the spot. He takes him to the kill room originally intended for Boyd and struggles with his ethical duty to remain faithful to The Code. Harry is insistent Dexter isn’t thinking clearly and must carefully consider all his options before potentially taking another life that doesn’t fit the purposefully constructed rules. In a brief moment of lucid logic, Dexter lifts the cuff of Brunner’s jeans and discovers a police-issued, monitoring ankle bracelet. Clearly this means Brunner is basically confined to the invisible walls of Tuttle Bridge and its immediate outskirts. He never would have been able to attack Lumen where she was at the time, because he would have been arrested immediately. Dex realizes he can’t kill Brunner – scum though he may be – and dumps his still-unconscious body on the side of the road. While I agree with Harry that Dexter dodged a bullet, I can’t help but point out that the kill room must have been close to Tuttle Bridge or else Brunner’s ankle bracelet would have, you know,  gone off. Now that’s a convenient coincidence. Or just lazy writing.

When Dexter follows an incognito Lumen (she wears a hoodie — like that’s going to make her blend in with this motley crew) to Tuttle Bridge, he intercepts her as she shakily takes aim at Brunner with a pistol. When Dexter manages to tell Lumen that Brunner isn’t the guy they were looking for, she breaks down in a blubbering, frustrated mess for the umpteenth time since we met her. He seemingly manages to finally convince her to leave town after this near-disaster and even goes so far as to take her to the airport himself and then tell her his real name when she divulges the fact that he is the only one who knows what happened to her. They share a silent moment of empathy and respect for one another before saying goodbye. Lumen enters the line for security clearance and gets stopped. She’s subject to a hand search and the contact appears to trigger heavy-duty post-traumatic stress disorder for her and – guess what? — she still can’t bear to leave Miami after all.

Lumen’s failure to go back to Minnesota isn’t the only problem on Dexter’s plate for next week. Turns out the Batista and LaGuerta saga may have actually provided a necessary plot device (!) as it’s discovered her hotel excursion with the IA officer was part of a sting she agreed to participate in to exonerate Batista. In case you were wondering, Batista makes an ass of himself as he bursts through the door, but LaGuerta’s still the guiltier party in my opinion. What else was he supposed to think? The targeted suspect in the sting is a fellow cop played by Peter Weller (Robocop himself, who looks like he was cryogenically frozen in 1990 then thawed out in the middle of the desert) who just so happens to run into Quinn at the ubiquitous drown-your-sorrows local watering hole that night. Quinn asks his gravelly-voiced friend to “look into” Dexter — considering this guy was the subject of a sting, he more than likely has a few friends in a few low places.

While I’m completely unsurprised Lumen didn’t leave town, her panic at being searched during airport security protocol seemed to signify some kind of importance in the way it was portrayed. Perhaps she has reached a breaking point in her grief and trauma survival and her quest for revenge will run deeper and colder than Dexter can prepare himself for. However, his rift with Quinn is widening at an exponential rate. The fact Deb and Quinn are a pseudo-couple (whether they want to admit it or not) will only add to the awkwardness and fuel Quinn’s fire to expose Dexter for who he thinks he really is. However, as Dexter pointed out, we are all hiding something, and the skeletons in Quinn’s closet may be something worth looking into if Dexter wants to keep protecting his own secrets. Personally, I’m ready for everything to start getting thrown out into the open. With nearly half of season five already past us, it seems as though the secrets of Dexter are holding back both the characters and their storylines.

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Season 5, Episode 5: First Blood (originally aired October 24, 2010)

Sundays at 9pm EST on Showtime.

Photos courtesy of Showtime and Randy Tepper.

The Amazing Race Review: Tastes Like Money

There is a disturbing undercurrent in this week’s episode of The Amazing Race; from unequal partnerships to teams equally unwilling to make an attempt at success, this weeks’ episode was a collective WTF?

The teams continue the cold weather tour this week on a trip to Norway. This trip starts off with some wise words from the smart half of Jill/Thomas. Now, every episode this season Thomas has made it no secret that he’s the smarter half of his team and that Jill, with no college education, is nothing more than dead weight. This week is no different; Thomas informs everyone that he “always envisioned being with someone who went to college.” As you may or may not know, Jill has only been to cosmetology school which makes her fit only enough to shine Thomas’ pedigreed nails. Give me a break. This whole, Thomas putting Jill down because she hasn’t been to college thing is getting really old. And during the whole time Jill sits there and nods her head like some sort of marionette. Jill says that she needs to prove to Thomas that she has smarts too, but frankly, the only thing I’m interested in seeing her prove is that she is an active participant of Tae-Bo.

Somewhere at this point Katie and Rachel start talking, and it’s a good thing because I totally forgot they were still in this race. Athletes by trade, Katie/Rachel have been decidedly low key during the challenges. Their competitive nature has yet to rear its head, and it’s surprising that they have not been doing better in the challenges. They’ll have to step up sooner or later, or they’ll soon find themselves out of the game.

So, the week begins with the first Flash Forward of the race. Nat/Kat are first team to arrive and decide to go after the Fast Forward, which involves the two eating a roasted sheep’s head. Kat, as a vegetarian for 22 years, psyches herself up by chanting “Tastes like money.” The two get the fast forward and are the first to arrive at the pit stop.

The first challenge involves the teams rappelling down a 130 foot bridge, and then pulling themselves back up. Michael, Claire and Gary all decide to take on this task for their team. Jill/Thomas show up later and all four battle it out for the finish. Kevin and Gary are the first to complete; Thomas knocks this out and breezes past Claire who struggles to make her way back up to the bridge. At this point, Katie and Rachel, who by the way are in last place, talk about how much easier it is to be last than in first place. Since they’d have intimate knowledge of this we’ll have to take their word. Most of the other teams have finished the bridge before Katie and Rachel arrive, and when they get there Chad and Stephanie are just finishing up. Under the mistaken belief that Jill and Thomas are somehow behind them, the volley girls believe they actually have a chance to remain in the competition. They don’t, Jill and Thomas were lost on their way to the pit stop, at which Katie and Rachel arrive last. They were eliminated.

Here are the rankings:
1. Nat/Kat- winning a trip to Costa Rica
2. Gary/Mallory
3. Jill/Thomas
4. Michael/Kevin
5. Brook/Claire
6. Nick/Vicki
7. Chad/Stephanie
8. Katie/Rachel- eliminated.

Season 17, Episode 5: Tastes Like a Million Dollars (originally aired October 24, 2010)

Sundays at 8pm ET/PT on CBS

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Photographs courtesy of CBS and John Paul Filo.

Smallville Review: Blurriffic

It seems that almost once a year on Smallville we get an episode about someone close to Clark becoming possessed by some powerful ancient or otherworldly being. I’d be lying if I claimed that these episodes were my among my favorites but they certainly offer a glimpse of a usually normal human letting loose with as much power as Clark. It can be revealing and sometimes just plain fun. This week’s episode was yet another one of those storylines and I’m happy to report that it was entertaining but still failed to reinvent the wheel.

In this iteration of the human power-up story, Lois gets the boost from an ancient Egyptian artifact that Oliver was planning to unveil at an opulent costume gala. The artifact in question is a necklace that belonged to an ancient goddess named Isis who could do nifty things like fly and shoot fire energy stuff from her hands. Like all great goddesses though she was cursed by losing her one great love and is on an eternal quest to find his remains and rejuvenate him using his heart that was once cut out and some hocus pocus. It goes without saying that once Lois gets the Isis upgrade her one and only goal is to bring back her true love and let nothing stand in her way.

This normally wouldn’t do much for me but what ended up making this episode special was the framing of this story with the Clark trying to decide how to tell Lois that he is The Blur and Lois trying to decide how to tell Clark that she knows he’s The Blur. As always Clark is a bit reluctant but a pep talk from Oliver helps him get pumped up for it. And Lois is as cute as always when practicing her speech in the mirror trying to find the perfect words for the occasion. And she would have done brilliantly if the whole Isis transformation hadn’t gotten in the way.

Another wrench is thrown into the works with the return of Cat Grant (Keri Lynn Pratt) to The Daily Planet who is hot on the Isis story and ends up thinking that Lois is The Blur. I find Cat annoying as hell but that’s obviously the point and it is a welcome bit of comic relief in a show that can sometimes be a bit heavy. I especially liked Tess’ reaction to Cat’s theory about Lois being The Blur. It was one of those great belly laughs that you rarely get to see from a character like Tess and it was a welcome change.

Speaking of Tess – this ended up being a pretty big episode for her too. Not only did we get to see her relationship blossom with the rapidly aging Lex Luthor clone that she found in the season premiere, but also saw her receive a major promotion in the hero department. When Clark and Oliver are stumped on learning more about Isis and how to stop her, they turn to Tess for help with the tech stuff that was usually done by Chloe who remains missing. Tess proves her ability when the mission is a success and Lois reverts back to her normal self so Clark and Oliver welcome her to the team as the new Watchtower. I’m not sure she can be trusted but her reaction of shock and honor with tears was a great moment and a sign that maybe Tess really is one of the good guys now.

But above everything else, the episode came to a perfect end with a final scene between Lois and Clark that could not have been written any better or executed more adorably. Going into the scene it appeared as if both of them might back down from telling their secrets but when Clark finally does it and Lois went running across the room and into his arms I couldn’t help but have a gigantic smile take over my face. You could literally see the weight of that burden come off of both of them in that instant and it was awesome to witness. Lana of course knew Clark’s secret but was always so damn dowdy about it that I’m excited to see how the relationship plays out with a girl who loves The Blur just as much as she loves Clark. There might be bumps along the way but above all I think I can say with certainty that it’s all upwards from here.

Season 10, Episode 5: Isis (originally aired October 22, 2010)

Fridays at 8/7c on The CW.

Photographs courtesy of The CW and Jack Rowand.

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