The Real Housewives of Atlanta Review: Kim, The Second Coming of Lady Gaga?

Thank God for the gays! This week’s The Real Housewives of Atlanta would have just been another drama-free snoozefest if not for the hilarity that ensued as Kim prepared for The White Party.

Humpty and Dumpty made their way to Palm Springs for the big shindig. Kim and her assistant/friend Sweetie headed to the airport, and upon landing loaded all those wigs (with names like Debbie and Sierra) and oodles of face wash into a limo. They weren’t actually driving inside the limo to the hotel. No, Kim had to rent a yellow Lamborghini for the long haul, proving once again that she cares for little outside of herself. At a pit stop, Kim courageously ventured into a gnarly looking outhouse, forcing Sweetie to hold open the door and threatening to kill the poor girl if she closed her in. (I think that could be a case for workplace harassment.) When they arrived, even Kandi couldn’t hide that slight sneer of contempt when she saw the Lambo and limo roll up one behind the other. “Kim has one single, and she thinks she’s Lady Gaga – already.”

Then there was all the pre-show primping. Gay men were paraded around her, but she still attempted to seduce them, with comments as creepy as Casper’s “Can I keep you?” (First, get a clue! Second, that’s another 15 cases for workplace harassment.) Kim tried on dresses of all colors and styles with one very similar size. Eenie meenie. It’s no wonder that she almost had a wardrobe malfunction. Her chest was ready to bust out of that corset top so they added straps on the fly. Then minutes before go time, her skirt had to be pinned to her underwear for fear that she’d show too much of those nether regions down under. I have no idea when all this concern over her dignity sprung up, so I choose to believe it was stage fright and stall tactics. In the end, she performed “Tardy for the Party,” and everyone appeared to genuinely enjoy it, so more power to her. She moved around the stage and didn’t forget her words or sing with her real voice too loud. Pure, autotune perfection.

Kandi, on the other hand, wasn’t too happy about singing backup to Kim. This is understandable because Kandi did have actual success, even if it was a long time ago. And Kim can’t even get parts of her own song straight which would drive any backup singer crazy. (Note to Kim: Don’t sing every single part of the song if you have someone who can help you out. You look crazy.) During Kandi’s confessionals, she had tons of tips for what Kim did wrong or didn’t do and how ridiculous she looked. She was 100% correct on the latter part. But for all the criticism that Kandi spits behind Kim’s back, she really doesn’t seem to have much going on in her life outside of the studio and her show BFF.  Still, I loved almost all of Kandi’s reactions. I could have watched that alone, one of the best her response to Kim’s elation at the end of the show and the idea that they should take their one-song act on the road. Merely, “eeehhhhhh.”

It was a low key week for the rest of the housewives. Nene spent most of it lecturing her youngest son Brent on how Bryson shouldn’t be vilified for his bad deeds but also should not be emulated. I would have been more intrigued to see her talking with Bryson about this marijuana possession issue instead of what we got last week, muddled with all the moving in and disrespectful youth problems. Oh, and she and Bryson hosed down her new dog Playa and put him in a diaper. That was kind of sweet and strange.

Phaedra lost all her charm, while my esteem for Apollo, the ex-con, only grew. I can’t wait for a storyline where the ex-con part is used outside of confessionals. The two have marriage mentors, a couple from their church, who help them through their growing pains. I don’t think Phaedra and Apollo really like each other or share similar values. She wants shiny, new things, and he wants quality time getting to know one another. He wants to discipline his children using non-violent communication like words, and she’d rather give a whooping. It may be time for new mentors.

Cynthia continued her streak of pretty but boring. Her biggest issue was a potential future marriage to her boyfriend Peter who hasn’t yet proposed. Her sister/assistant Malorie (why are so many of these hybrid characters popping up) simply told her to get with the program and marry the man if, for all intents and purposes, he’s the one, outside of the scary ring and marriage license. Someone’s got a normal head on their shoulder; I like big sis’s sass, but zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Sheree fretted over becoming a grandmother when her 24-year old daughter Tiera returned home. I thought that Cynthia’s daughter might be the only well-adjusted youths on the show, but I can now add Tiera and Brent to the list. Tiera was moving in with her boyfriend, and Sheree needed assurances that they weren’t thinking about babies anytime soon. And they weren’t, but think about how awkward that conversation is going to be. “So mom, I think tonight’s the night. Yeah, it’s baby making time. I’m raring to go. You ready to be a grandmamma?”

The good stuff was when Dwight stopped by to catch up, and he brought along a random friend. Bodyguard? Lawyer? PR man? Who knows! He confessed that his $30,000 was spent on many things for the fashion show, a big portion being flyers and invitations and other Xerox materials. Sheree scoffed at this but didn’t blow up. Excitement averted…again. They parted cordially, but Sheree made it clear that he’s no friend of hers.

So, this week was slow on excitement. The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is now underway, and it’s looking mighty juicy; very plastic, but juicy. I miss the old days of wig pulling, makeshift gas stations, changing rooms and in your face name calling. Oh the good ole days.

Season 3, Episode 3: White Hot (originally aired October 18, 2010)

For more on the Real Housewives of Atlanta, click here.

Mondays at 9pm on Bravo

Photographs courtesy of Bravo and Isabella Vosmikova.

House Review: Fatherhood 101

When you think of famous and the best TV dads, you might think of “Mr. C” (Howard Cunningham), Dr. Heathcliff “Cliff” Huxtable or Rev. Eric Camden. Can you picture Dr. Gregory House in that category? Probably not. But this week House gives fatherhood a shot, even if its just through babysitting Cuddy’s daughter, Rachel.

This week focuses on a newborn baby girl who has a breathing problem not caused by her lungs. At first the team thinks there could be an abscess on her liver. During a surgery, the baby’s blood pressure begins to drop which suggests a problem with her heart. Next, they do a direct blood transfusion between the Mom (Jennifer Grey) and the newborn, which helps the baby. But why? When they take a blood sample from the baby, they instead find melanoma. Unfortunately, after examining the Mom, they diagnose both lung and skin cancer. The Mom insists on waiting on surgery and chemo treatment for both herself and the baby—while waiting she passes away from a pulmonary embolism. The only good news is that Mom’s blood can be harvested to treat the baby, who will be taken care of by her much older sister.

We also follow a minor storyline this week—House still needs to hire a female doctor for his team. He first tells Foreman to hire someone, only to fire Foreman’s choice over the phone. There goes Foreman’s ego. The assignment to hire a female doctor is then given to Taub, who considers Dr. Chang (Keiko Agena). House even appears to like Dr. Chang but Taub hems and haws over the decision. When Taub finally offers her the job, she turns him down for the way he acted. Way to go Taub…I would have loved to see more of the Gilmore Girls alum, Keiko Agena. I thought she was an interesting addition to House’s team.

Cuddy is desperate for a babysitter and convinces House to watch Rachel, insisting that she will sleep the entire time. This doesn’t happen—Rachel wakes up asking for juice, which House denies, and Rachel then ignores him when he tells her to go back to bed. Instead of dealing with Rachel, House tries to bail by inviting Wilson over for some Chinese food but really to watch Rachel. They argue and leave Rachel unsupervised in the house—she makes a mess and eats a dime from the Chinese change. Rachel must be monitored for twenty-four hours to make sure the dime passes. House doesn’t tell Cuddy about “the dime situation.” Later, Wilson and House sneak Rachel into the hospital to do an ultrasound—House thinks there is no dime only a pocket of air. But they decide to give Rachel laxatives – if that doesn’t help, House will retrieve the dime with a scope.

Six hours later and at Cuddy’s house, Dr. House is preparing to go in with the scope by eating some Chinese food. He and Wilson realize that House ordered extra Moo Shoo pancakes, the first time, meaning that Rachel couldn’t have eaten a dime because there was no dime. Turns out they are incorrect—in the middle of the night when Cuddy changes Rachel’s diaper she finds the dime. “How’d you eat a dime?” asked Cuddy. And Rachel responded, “House.” Someone’s in trouble now.

This week’s episode stood out as my favorite episode so far this season. I really enjoyed the House and Rachel storyline. It was pretty amusing to see the adorable two-year-old Rachel giving House and Wilson a run for their money. However, I felt much more invested in the babysitting Rachel this storyline over the Jennifer Grey and baby patient story this week. Hope the House, Rachel and Cuddy storylines continue!

Season 7, Episode 5: Unplanned Parenthood (originally aired October 18, 2010)

For more on House, click here.

Mondays 8/7c on FOX

Photographs courtesy of Michael Yarish, NBC Universal.

Dexter Review: Beauty and the Beast

Any Dexter skeptic who has been grumbling about the thwarted pace of the fifth season may now officially shut their trap and keep their gaze firmly locked on the deepening developments of our favorite murderous vigilante’s growing predicaments. While the show seems to still be relying on rather dull subplots for filler (hello, Batista and LaGuerta. Yeesh.) and trite, peripheral threats to the titular hero (Hi, Quinn? FYI, Doakes made a much more believably menacing colleague than you and your alarmingly sunken cheekbones do. Give it up, will ya?), the arrival of Julia Stiles’ traumatized victim and the introduction of her unique, budding connection to Dexter have already taken this season a notch or two above original expectations. With the increasingly interesting sidebar involving Deb and the seriously scary Santa Muerte beheadings, I’m perfectly happy to report Dexter has stepped up to the plate after setting itself up for a major letdown in the wake of Trinity’s bone-chilling legacy. Despite the risk of sounding preemptive, I wholeheartedly issue a well deserved, if early, bravo to the entire production staff. Dexter, I should have never doubted thee.

Sunday’s episode picked up the story right where it left off, with Dexter discovering Stiles brutally battered and mildly conscious after witnessing Boyd’s final few minutes on Earth at the whim of Dex’s dark passenger. She has deep lacerations on her back, as though she’d been whipped, and Dexter takes gentle care to tend to her wounds as Harry appears to express deep concern for Dexter and his latest dilemma. According to Harry, Stiles isn’t Dexter’s responsibility and keeping her alive will only threaten the sanctity of The Code’s number one rule: Don’t Get Caught. True, Harry, but what about rule number two, Never Kill An Innocent? I’m just sayin’. Dexter seems to be thinking the same thing himself as he ignores Harry’s advice and continues to provide the best medical care he can, given his limited resources, until Stiles wakes up in a foggy haze and lashes out the defensive aggression of someone who, well, was almost brutally murdered. Considering what she has just seen, regardless of the fact it was the murder of her potential murderer, even Dexter can’t help but admit he’s already cast himself in a pretty untrustworthy light.

Dex can’t get a writhing and raving Stiles under control and is forced to sedate her. When he notices his shirt is covered with blood, a complete symbol for how wholly out of control is normally meticulous regime has become, he shrieks with frustration and literally rips the shirt clean off his back. The last thing he needs is a distraction from his pertinent tasks at hand, but when Deb calls to ask for help at a crime scene, Dex realizes he may be able to utilize his convenient job resources to have Stiles’ DNA tested and find out who she is. That’d be a plus, all right. He agrees to go, and suddenly realizes he has an entirely new problem on his hands as it occurs to him he’s left Harrison with the brand new nanny overnight without so much as a note on the fridge. Whoops.

The crime scene Deb’s asked for help with is where Santa Muerte’s latest gruesome showcase took place. The eccentric shop that sold suspiciously appropriate artifacts for such grisly presentations is now rife with police as the store owner’s headless cadaver is sprawled across the bloody floor. His head, in true Santa Muerte fashion, is on display nearby with both eyes and tongue ceremoniously removed. Candles surround the morbid exhibit and flicker with ominous warning. No wonder the neighborhood is petrified. Dexter arrives and quickly discovers cigarette ash in a pool of blood at the scene. “It’s 2010, who smokes?!” Masuka quips. It’s determined the ash is from the remnants of a cigar, not a cigarette, and Dexter manages to slip a plastic bottle with Stiles’ fingerprint on it in with other evidence as Miami PD rushes outside to find the butt of the cigar in question.

Dexter finally returns home to a hungry Harrison and a rightfully pissed off nanny. For someone as rigorously precise as Dexter, it seems unlikely he would have managed to neglect to call her by now, especially after recognizing his gaffe earlier that morning. Regardless, he knows he’s in for it. She understandably quits on the spot and sternly informs Dexter that Harrison needs a “reliable parent.” Ouch. After she storms out, Dexter tells Harrison, “I miss your mom.” Sob.

Quinn won’t let up on his relentless quest for “Kyle Butler,” and is continuing to hound his connections at the FBI to let him interrogate Jonah Mitchell. Trinity’s family has been put into a witness protection program of sorts and the location of their safehouse is completely off-limits to lowly police detectives. Quinn decides to circumvent this roadblock by following an FBI agent to the Mitchells’ secret whereabouts. The fact they’re still in Miami seems to be somewhat counter-productive to the purpose of the witness protection program, but I digress. Clearly, Quinn did not see Season Two of Dexter to learn how badly this exact type of pursuit ended for his far more adept predecessor.

Later, Quinn tracks down Jonah at a convenience store to confront him with Dexter’s picture, virtually certain Jonah will recognize him as Kyle Butler. Jonah is taken aback by Quinn’s upfront approach and doesn’t get a chance to respond before the FBI swoops in and cuffs Quinn for stepping outside his jurisdiction. LaGuerta is so annoyed with Quinn’s behavior – apparently his faux pas makes Miami PD look unprofessional and childish – that she suspends him on the spot. Heh! As much as I don’t want Quinn to make any headway, I have to admit LaGuerta is sure looking through all of this with rose-colored glasses. Her affection for Doakes made it impossible for her to believe he was the Bay Harbor Butcher (besides the fact he, um, wasn’t), but his continuing suspicion of Dexter still went without any regard from her for the entire season. Now, a second colleague is expressing similar concerns and she dismisses them again? LaGuerta certainly doesn’t have the romantic affinity for Quinn that she did Doakes, so I find her police instincts in this matter particularly shoddy. Perhaps she’s just as off-put by Quinn’s bizarre haircut as I am and therefore finds anything he says void of significance.

Meanwhile, a cigar butt outside the freaky Santa Muerte paraphernalia shop turns up a thumbprint for police to investigate. Deb is pleased with this breakthrough in the case, and has Dexter to thank (seriously, no other police officer would  have discovered that ash drifting in a pool of blood? In the middle of a crime scene? Plain as day even to the naked, untrained eye? No wonder Dexter’s never gotten caught.). Dex, however, is knee-deep in his own investigation: his fingerprint analysis of Stiles’ water bottle turned up a positive match. Her name is Lumen Pierce and she’s originally from Minnesota. This vital information marks breakthrough number two for the Morgan siblings this week, but Harry shows up to ruin the mood and advise Dexter to let Lumen die. I know he has Dexter’s best interest at heart, but ol’ Harry is just not up to snuff as a mentor so far this season. Dexter appears to agree and ignores his advice once again.

Pardon the interruption as I briefly acknowledge a middling storyline I’m virtually certain no one cares about. LaGuerta corners Batista at the station to let him know IA will be pursuing assault and battery charges against him for beating up a fellow officer in that pesky testosterone and tequila fueled bar fight from a couple episodes ago. She convinces Batista to visit the officer in the hospital and apologize to try and simmer the heat surrounding the situation. He dutifully agrees and follows up, but the smarmy IA officer informs him that the other cop’s agreement to drop the issue has no bearing on the outcome of the case. IA will decide whether or not to press charges, and LaGuerta is asked to give a rather uncomfortable testimony that may or may not involve her sexual history and reputation around the precinct. Now back to our regularly scheduled recap.

Back at Boyd’s, Dexter is attempting to convince a distraught, reluctant Lumen to trust him. She offers a fake name in attempt to fool him and swears with halfhearted conviction she won’t tell anyone about Boyd’s murder if Dexter just lets her go. Um, nice try. As Dexter locks her in captivity again in order to leave and collect his thoughts, Lumen loses her cool and begs him to just kill her and get it over with. “I can’t go through with it again!” she cries, giving the impression her time with Boyd must have been relatively lengthy and altogether torturous. As Dexter frantically analyzes his predicament, he admits to himself Harry had at least one recent piece of useful advice. “I definitely need a plan,” Dexter vows to himself before settling back into woefully familiar, self-deprecating territory. “The babysitter doesn’t trust me because of the lies. Lumen doesn’t trust me because of the truth,” he ponders. “There’s a name for that: Dexter Morgan.”

While Deb throws a sleep-deprived tantrum back at the apartment, Dexter does a background check on the prisoner he is loath, but unfortunately forced, to keep captive. Turns out, Lumen has no criminal record but does have an outstanding bill at a local motel. When Dexter arrives at the seedy dive with Harrison in tow, the disenchanted front desk clerk blows literal smoke in the baby’s face (gross) as Dexter blows figurative smoke up her ass. He actually gets away with pretending to be Lumen’s estranged husband and pays the rest of her tab in order to collect the luggage she’s left behind. Lumen had pre-paid for two weeks at the hotel but disappeared a month ago without a trace. Dex sifts through her things and discovers a cryptic note from her mother that discusses the “shame” Lumen must feel and how she understands why she left home. Interesting. The letter concludes with a motherly loving reminder that Lumen has a family who cares for her and will always welcome her back with open arms. I, along with Dexter, detect possible leverage within this vital piece of information.

Dexter takes a detour to stop by the nanny’s apartment and attempt to woo her back. She has obviously sincere care for Harrison, but expresses justified reluctance to trust Dexter after the overnighter snafu. He explains he was nursing an injured young woman (true) before being called to assist at a particularly gruesome crime scene (also true – that Dexter, master of leaving out the incriminating details) and profusely apologizes for his poor handling of the matter. The nanny eventually agrees to give Dexter one more chance based upon a self-described “leap of faith.”

Elsewhere, Deb and the team have found a match on the cigar butt’s thumbprint. It belongs to one half of a set of twins who perfectly fit the suspect description provided by uniform cop Manzon – she’s proving to be a more valuable asset every week, and Deb hasn’t let this go unnoticed, either. A police raid is organized and targeted at the twins’ registered address. As Deb and her fellow officers bust in, they discover the apartment is being used to house seemingly dozens of illegal immigrants. Deb wades through the crowd before coming upon an actual hole in the wall that leads to a hidden room filled with creepy, Santa Muerte-friendly décor. One of the twins leaps in front of Deb with a tightly held hostage and a machete’s blade (of course) ready to pierce his jugular. Deb hesitates at the dilemma presented before her – should she shoot the twin and risk the hostage dying, too? Or try and coerce the twin to dropping the machete? After falsely reporting to her colleagues that her surroundings are clear, per the twin’s agreement to lose his weapon, she takes too long to make a decision and the hostage’s throat gets sliced anyway. The twin escapes Deb’s delayed gunshots and the hostage, thankfully, manages to make it into an ambulance. While her fellow officers congratulate her for keeping the hostage alive, Deb is riddled with guilt for not taking action sooner. “You did good,” Manzon assures Deb. “You weren’t there,” Deb wistfully snaps back.

Unsurprisingly, Deb and Quinn run into each other back at the station, both with their respective tails between their legs after humbling experiences in the field. Deb feels inadequate for her questionable handling of the hostage situation, and Quinn is perhaps beginning to realize what an overall d-bag he really is. Needless to say, Deb resorts to her default coping mechanism and throws herself at Quinn. “I don’t want to be alone tonight,” she says, with puppy dog eyes to spare. Gag. “I’m no good for you,” he begins to protest (Jesus, this dialogue!), but takes her home with him anyway for a night of  mindless, self-loathing, insecurity-masking sex. I’d scoff even more at this ludicrous display, but unfortunately, many people really are this predictable. Predictably pathetic, that is.

Dexter, fresh from his successful attempt to win back the nanny, returns to Boyd’s to find Lumen in a slump with blood seeping from her wrists. Uh-oh. As he peers closer, she pops up with a vengeance and clocks Dex across the face. Impressive fake-out, I must say. Lumen bolts out the door with fury and hightails it across the swampy, southern Florida sprawl. Dex is hot on her trail as their chase scene gives way to perhaps the first intensely nail-biting sequence of the season. Lumen makes her way to a main road and flags down a car for help. As the vehicle slows and the driver asks her if she’s okay, Lumen realizes it’s a car full of virile-looking young men and she recoils in fear. Clearly, her past traumas are extensive enough to elicit a Pavlovian response preventing her from accepting their help. The confused guys drive away and Dexter finally nabs a helpless Lumen. He handcuffs her to the backseat of his SUV where Harry appears solely to chide Dexter for his blithe dismissal of The Code. Dexter shouts for Harry to shut up, and naturally Lumen assumes he’s referring to her, but not before she musters up the courage to ask Dexter if he’s planning to sell her. Seriously. “Are you going to sell me?” That’s what she asked. Verbatim. What in the hell has this girl been through?

With that, Dexter realizes his tactics attempting to convince Lumen of his good intentions have been thoroughly subpar to this point. He decides to take her to the marsh where Boyd keeps the barrels of his victims’ preserved remains. Ew. Dexter tears the lid off the nearest barrel and commands Lumen to examine the contents. “Do you understand?” he asks, after explaining the story behind the macabre display. “I saved your life.” He continues his testimony by revealing his grief over the tragic loss of Rita and echoes the wise nanny’s words when Lumen asks how she’s to believe Dexter isn’t making all of this up. “You don’t,” he admits, adding her trust would be a complete “leap of faith.” Oh, show, way to bring it all full circle! I do love a successfully executed conceptual theme. A still-skeptical Lumen is faced with Dexter’s own leap of faith as he hands her his only weapon, a small but surely sharp dagger. She hesitates for a minute before taking a slice out of his upper arm for good measure, then breaks down in a wailing heap.

Next we see of our unlikely duo, Lumen has apparently taken Dexter’s unflinching word and is patching up the wound on his arm (just like he was patching her up at the beginning of the episode – nice). She asks if what he said about Rita was true, and he assures her it is before asking a pertinent question of his own. Deciding an acceptable vow of trust has been exchanged between them, Dexter tells Lumen he read the letter from her mother. Since she has a family who loves her and wants her back home, he says, why doesn’t she just leave Miami for good? In the final few seconds of the episode, Lumen reveals a side of her story that completely alters the trajectory of her relationship with Dexter and the season as a whole. “Boyd isn’t the only one who did this to me,” she flatly states. “There are others. It’s not over.”

This revelation shone a great deal of light on Boyd’s final statement to Dexter that he “has no idea what [he’s] getting [himself] into.” Considering the fact that Dexter’s entire existence has shifted since Rita’s murder, it seems fitting that the season of the show dealing with such a brutal post-mortem would have no choice but to present Dexter with a challenge previously unseen. While we’re used to Dex battling a singular adversary on his own, it seems his unusual bond with Lumen will help him develop an alliance to simultaneously face multiple targets for the first time. As his adherence to Harry’s nearly biblical Code wears thinner and thinner, it also appears Dexter’s continually evolving battle with his own demons will come to a climax that may force him to examine himself in ways he’s never dared before. I’m thrilled a brilliant show that arguably peaked in its fourth season is finding such a dexterous (pun not intended, I promise) way to avoid disappointing its eager fans while still carving a new niche for itself that keeps the formula both fresh and familiar. I guess that earlier bravo wasn’t so preemptive after all.

Follow Poptimal on Twitter here.  Friend us on Facebook here.

Season 5, Episode 4: Beauty and the Beast (originally aired October 17, 2010)

Sundays at 9pm EST on Showtime.

Photos courtesy of Showtime and Randy Tepper.

Chuck Review: Dead Rising

This week’s “Chuck vs. the Couch Lock” was perfectly timed. What a fantastically exciting and idiosyncratic episode to air before the NBC execs ordered a full season of the show. And a much deserved pick up at that. 13 episodes just wouldn’t have been enough. Plus, I enjoyed getting to learn a little more about Casey’s backstory. Watching Adam Baldwin flex all his awesome comedic and character acting chops filled me up with glee, and never has he once steered me wrong in the role.

After taking a trip to the past, we met Packard, played by Eric Roberts, T.I. and Mackintosh, members of Casey’s old unit. Their mission was to seal up some gold that was about to fund a little terrorism, but his teammates decided to stage a small coup instead, steal the gold and go into an early retirement. (Very Three Kings of the writers.) The civic-minded spy that Casey is, he instead took them all out, securing his mission and the turncoats.

Chuck found out that Casey’s old partners could be the link to his mother. As extraction specialists, they have tons of intel on Volkoff’s prisoners. And as Casey would say, he wasn’t like the A-Team. He WAS the A-Team. But he assured them that the only way his old comrades would come out of hiding would be for Casey’s funeral. They’d need his thumb print to get behind the door safekeeping all the gold. (Didn’t you know crooks seize every opportunity? Even a funeral.) A flashbulb went off, and Chuck suggested the team fake Casey’s death.

Beckman commended Chuck on growing as a spy. It takes most agents much longer before they risk putting their friends in harm’s way, which is the worst kind of compliment for our softie. The funeral is well-manned with agents, so Casey appeared safe as can be. But, wow, how much it must have sucked, for Baldwin, having to lay in that coffin all day. Then, I started to think about Ryan Reynolds and Buried, and Baldwin looked like his was laying in the lap of luxury….open casket and all.

Morgan got the job of giving Casey’s eulogy, leaving him the opportunity to say nice things about the guy whose daughter he’s dating and confess the actual fact of their relationship without getting punched in the face. Casey had no choice but to lie absolutely still and listen. But before all that, Ellie and Awesome stopped by to celebrate the news that they’re having a baby girl. She also told Chuck that she changed her mind about her doubts over finding their mother.

At the church, Casey looked mighty dapper in his uniform. I got the creeps because technically he’s lying in a coffin and no matter how dapper you look, dead is dead. Casey couldn’t move his body but he could move his eyes like those paintings that seem to follow you everywhere. It was that moment that I started the internal countdown to the nod to Weekend at Bernie’s. (Bringing Jeffster into this plan was genius on the writers’ part. No one could do it better besides Morgan, but he’s all managerial and professional now.)

Luckily, the only people that even showed up for the funeral were their marks, but they didn’t come unprepared. Each tested to see if Casey was dead, but that was all a ruse. Packard laughed maniacally as all true villains do, and set off some C-4, disorienting over a dozen agents and escaping with Casey without a trace. Chuck felt guilty, repeating that it was entirely his fault, and Casey couldn’t even defend himself.

Still with ultimate will and brute force, Casey escaped from his captors, but not before leaving behind his wallet. (Why a spy walks around with a wallet is beyond me, but I’ll go with it. This is Chuck, not Alias.) He managed to knock everyone out, but not before they injected an extra shot of the drug used to “kill” him. Casey wobbled out of the building and groggily called the first number he could find. The Buy More. Jeff picked up, and he and Lester fished Casey out of the dumpster he’d hidden himself in. At this point, he’s fully coma-like again, but Lester just assumed he was on that OG Kush, and Jeff told Morgan that Casey had serious couch lock.

Morgan ordered them to drive to his apartment, ready and willing to give up his secret key hiding spot, but of course, they already have their own secret set to his home. (These two were on a roll this week.) Chuck was relieved, so much so that he and Sarah didn’t even notice walking into a booby trap in the warehouse Casey had just escaped from. If Chuck stepped out of the lasers, everything would go Kaboom! Again, Chuck fretted over the fact that Sarah and Casey were all in danger because of him.

Sarah cutely put him in his place, telling Chuck that they knew the risks and wanted to help because it’s about his mom and it’s important. This is the kind of rapport between these two lovebirds that the writers need to stick with for at least a while. Sweet and easy. (It should be effortless not painful.) Sarah worked on disarming the bomb, but it was defused for them. In fact, it was all a dastardly plan to trap Casey and bring him to their old gold dig. Now, with Chuck and Sarah, they had the perfect leverage.

Back at the apartment complex, Morgan was taking care of mummy Casey when Alex showed up. Not far behind her was T.I., using Casey’s ID to find his apartment. Morgan broke up with Alex to get her away from the goon, and it worked, but T.I. spotted the eulogy guy and gave him a message. They had Casey’s friends, and they were bringing them back to the gold cave in the desert. Casey was to show up alone, or they’d die. Morgan quickly called Awesome for a couch lock diagnosis, and he suggested Morgan get Casey’s heart rate up. First, he tried a slap. But yeah right! “That’s like slapping a car!” Anger works best so he finally professed to him that he was in a relationship with his daughter.

Casey lifted him into the air…by the neck…with one hand, dropped him to the floor and punched him in the gut. And that’s a restrained Casey. In the Castle, Casey suited up for battle with Morgan, who couldn’t understand why Casey was angry. He’s a good guy, he thought they were friends, and he noted that the only people who attended his pretend funeral were people who wanted to see Casey dead. Casey’s response? “19 hours flight to Iran. Bring a book. We ain’t talking.”

With nothing to lose, Chuck asked the men about Frost. And they confirmed that she was no prisoner but their boss, Volkoff’s right hand. “She makes problems disappear.” (Sounds ominous.) Casey and Morgan arrived with a foolproof plan to shut down the bunker the goons were in, but this is Morgan we’re talking about. And he was actually given something important to do for once. (He’s bumbling when there’s no pressure.) Casey went in and Morgan tried to use the high-tech gadgets Casey had set up, but he only managed to fill the place up with water, short a circuit and set a live wire flying around the room where Chuck, Sarah and now Casey were strung up. (Perfect. Seriously, perfect use of Morgan in every way.) With everything on the fritz, Mackintosh fired a random shot outside of the bunker, guessing he might hit someone. He did, and Morgan screamed like a little girl after the bullet grazed his arm.

I was eager to see how Morgan could possibly get everyone out of this bind, but there were no theatrics to it, and amazingly so. He took the wire, leapt to the floor and shocked all the baddies, taking 10,000 volts, saving his hanging compadres (who could just lift their feet) and putting himself into cardiac arrest. He died for 3 seconds before they revived him. Pretty simple, but downright amazing.

Stateside, Morgan assured Casey that he was done with Alex and invited him to a party. All that dying made him realize how much he cared about his friends, and he wanted to celebrate. Casey surprisingly showed up to the party and with Alex in tow. Casey told her that Morgan only dumped her because Casey had told him to. He even embellished, saying that Morgan stood up to him and changed Casey’s mind. I’m digging Morgan in a relationship, and I’m digging having the relationship between Chuck and Sarah be innate but not at the forefront, yet I’m not sure I’m loving Alex. I understand she’s the straight-laced pragmatic one, but hopefully we’ll see more comical interactions between the two and some bonding between Casey and her.

Chuck was still not too happy with the realization that he endangered all the people he cared about to find the person who left him. He told Sarah that he recognized he already had his family and that’s what’s most important…until Chuck gets a phone call from his mom. Duh. Duh! DUUUUH!

THE BEST OF MORGAN’S EULOGY

“Hey Alex, It’s me. Morgan. In case you don’t recognize my voice yet…that’s my voice.” – Pre-eulogy

“If there was one word I’d choose to describe John Casey, that word would be forgiveness. Big gun-loving, commie-hating forgiveness.”

“He was a big man. Big biceps. Big hands. I used to call him Mitts. They were like giant Mitts. They could fit all the way around my neck anyway, and once I actually saw him palm an entire watermelon.”

“His neck was very, very thick. And I was always very jealous of him because I think in Roman times it was a sign of a great warrior to have a neck like that.”

Season 4, Episode 5: Chuck vs. the Couch Lock (originally aired October 18, 2010)

For more on Chuck, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C on NBC

Images courtesy of NBC and Michael Ansell.

The Amazing Race Review: Ice Queens and Polar Bears

On this week’s episode of the Amazing Race, Brook and Claire’s kiss count jumps by one, Michael and Kevin find a chilly speed bump ahead and Team Glee celebrates their college graduation by a drawn out song and speedy exit. 9 teams continue on in a race around the world and for one team Sweden proves a bittersweet memory.

At the end of the last leg of the race, host Phil Keoghan informed the teams that they would spend a day giving back. They begin this leg of the race helping to modernize the dilapidated school that served as the last pit stop. This is a welcome mission to the challenge; the teams so quickly sweep in and out of their host cities, it’s nice to see them stop and make a tangible difference in the communities. All the teams join in with a sunny spirit and then we’re off to our task.

This week takes the teams to Sweden, and while they all take the same flight out of the country several teams break away with a connecting flight that puts them hours ahead. Michael and Kevin were the first to find the earlier connection. In a spirit of unity they decide to share this information with the other father/child team of Gary and Mallory. It’s a good thing too, because it’s Mallory’s dimples and general adorableness that charms a male airport employee and secures them tickets on the coveted flight. “That’s why you need a girl on this trip” a beaming Mallory tells Kevin of her success. The only other teams on this flight are doctors Kat/Nat and HSN sellers Brook/Claire.

The teams travel on to an Arctic Hotel made entirely of ice. During the winter months guests check in to freeze their butts off, but it’s summer now and the storage facility housing the ice is where the teams find their next clue. Walking into a freezer is a little disconcerting for some teams but having to sit in one on blocks of ice for ten minutes, as per their Speed Bump, is torturous for Michael and Kevin. But, as of all things of this world, their pain is soon to pass and they quickly rejoin the race.

The challenges this week are all about sledding. In the first challenge, the teams lead a group of snow dogs around a course. In the second challenge, the teams have to choose to either sled down a mountain or build a tent. Michael and Kevin lead the pack for most of the challenge. Ahead at the snow dog round Michael is momentarily stunned into silence by a mechanical bear. The team falls to 4th place choosing the time-consuming tent challenge in fear that the physically demanding sled challenge would be too much for Michael. It’s a good thing Jill and Thomas have their express pass. They spent most of the episode trailing, and at one point running in the opposite direction of, the pack. They use their easy pass to skip the second challenge and end up in 5th place. Connor and Jonathan have a couple of difficulties in this task but unfortunately for them their inability to know their limits is their undoing. While the majority of the teams had difficulty maneuvering the mountain course, Jonathan was hit by this the hardest. But unlike the other teams who quickly realized they were in over their heads, Jonathan and Connor waited too long to switch tasks and were the last to arrive at the pit stop. They were eliminated… on their graduation day. In honor of the graduation that they missed, the team sung themselves a graduation march for their exit from the race.

Here’s where the teams stand.

1. Nat/Kat- winning a 5 day trip to Belize
2. Gary/Mallory
3. Claire/Brook
4. Michael/Kevin
5. Jill/Thomas- using their Express Pass
6. Nick/Vicki
7. Chad/Stephanie
8. Katie/Rachel
9. Connor/Jonathan- eliminated.

Season 17, Episode 4: We Should Have Brought Gloves and Butt Pads (originally aired October 17, 2010)

Sundays at 8pm ET/PT on CBS

For more on The Amazing Race, click here.  You can follow Poptimal on Twitter here and like us on Facebook here.

Photographs courtesy of CBS.

Mad Men Review: An Open Letter to Matthew Weiner

Dear Matthew Weiner,

You are a tricky, tricky devil. Here we are, all settled in for Sunday night’s season finale of Mad Men, expecting a dramatic calamity that we had already figured out, but once again you successfully threw us a major finale curveball that no one saw coming and left us with our jaws on the floor in confusion.

All of your loyal viewers had pretty solid ideas of what they thought was going to go down at the end of this fourth season and surprisingly, many of them had the same ideas in mind. Would SCDP finally crumble under their current economic difficulties? Would Peggy or Pete sell out Don’s secret to the other partners in order to go after that military client again? Would Joan’s husband be killed in Vietnam? Would Sally begin a torrid underage affair with Glen and run away? Would Betty profess that she still is in love with Don? Would Roger attempt to kill himself for losing Lucky Strike?

All of those things could have happened for the rousing season finale, but you’re smarter than that aren’t you? Rather than give us the predictable drama that we’re anticipating, as a typical series would, you decided to go a different route. Instead, you gave us Don Draper falling head over heels in love with his secretary, Megan (Jessica Pare), and proposing to her after only a few brief sexual encounters.

Wow.

To say I wasn’t expecting that is like saying I’m not expecting all grass to turn into Grape Jell-O that gives you the power to teleport if you slurp it. It just wasn’t on my radar AT ALL and even though I was disappointed initially not to get the trite drama I was expecting, after sleeping on it I now understand and appreciate what you did. For the first half of this season we watched Don on a major downward spiral that seemed almost like it could end up in his death. But he had a wake-up call and slowly began to pull himself together. He found a great female companion in Dr. Faye Miller. He kept an eye on his drinking. And he kept a cool head when the firm lost Lucky Strike and was on the brink of collapsing. So I guess his next logical step in getting his life back on track was finding a wife and creating a family life again. We all assumed this would be with Faye despite her lack of interest or experience with children but then when Don brought Megan along to California to watch over the kids and he saw how good she was with them, it was all over. Don was in the market for a mother and he certainly found her.

I know we will probably never see Faye again but I’d like at least a nod next season that she’s doing okay. She was a total peach and I wish her the best. Also, she could not have been more spot-on when she mentions Don only liking the start of things. She couldn’t be more right and it makes me salivate to see how things will eventually end with Megan.

My favorite reaction to the news was from Peggy who continues to prove that she is our vessel into the world of the show. Her expression of confusion, shock, but feigned happiness for Don in the face of the ignored fact that she actually just saved the company by scoring a new client (a storyline that we too thought would surely dominate this season finale) is a brutal punch in the gut.  And the more I think about it, the more brilliant it is, you crafty boy, you.

I want to thank you for the scene with Peggy and Joan at the end where they commiserate together at the bizarre turn of events and actually seem to be on the same page for once. It was a treat to finally see that and I hope we get more in the future because together they could be a pretty dynamic duo.

And then there is Betty. We were all curious how you would handle her screen time in the post-divorce period and I think it was handled extremely well. She is clearly no longer a major character but remained interesting throughout with her childish antics and seemingly fragile mental state. Seeing her fire Carla (Deborah Lacey) for letting Glen say goodbye to Sally before they move (who honestly wasn’t expecting that to end more sinister?) was brutally sad and careless and put a really bright light on her deranged state of mind. I was so dreading that final scene when Don told her about the engagement because I honestly didn’t know what she would do. And although we could clearly see it was killing her she held it together reasonably well, making that shot wheree both walked separate ways out of the kitchen for the last time all the more heartbreaking.

I realize that you have a shelf full of Emmys telling you how great the show is, but I think I should reiterate one more time just how amazingly awesome this fourth season of Mad Men really was. Every Sunday night for the past three months has been a pure joy for me seeing this poetic and smart drama play out with the fascinating characters who actually seem to exist in a real world where people come and go without warning and do things that can seem irrational at the time but make perfect sense in the long scheme of things. Not many fiction writers can get that into a TV series but you do it remarkably well and dare I say better than anyone else. My weekends now have a major void that needs to be filled, and although I wouldn’t ever dare guess what Season Five will bring us, please know that I’m already counting down the months and weeks to next summer so keep the good stuff coming.

Thanks for the amazing show and have a great vacation – you’ve earned it!

Matt DeGroot

For more on Mad Men, click here. Follow Poptimal on Twitter here.  Friend us on Facebook here.

Season 4, Episode 13: Tomorrowland (originally aired October 17, 2010)

Sundays at 10PM/9C, AMC

Photographs courtesy of AMC and imdbpro.

RED Review: RED is FUN

Have you ever been so wrapped up in an enjoyable movie, that when the credits roll, you’re surprised at how quickly the movie flew by? Well, that is exactly what happened with me while watching RED. Based on the DC Comic written by Warren Ellis and Cully Hammer and directed by Robert Schwentke, RED is an entertaining action flick full of laughs due to its all-star cast led by Bruce Willis.

Former black ops-agent, who is “retired extremely dangerous,” Frank Moses (Bruce Willis) is living a quiet and very slow-paced mundane retirement. He spends his time watching his single avocado grow and calling his pension services agent, Sarah Ross (Mary-Louise Parker) who he has developed quite a liking for. Sarah who is single, yearns to travel the world and for excitement she reads trashy romance novels. Frank’s uneventful retirement is shattered when a hit squad appears one evening in his home trying to murder him. Frank may be out of the game officially but he’s still got it as he deftly handles the team trying to kill him. Realizing they may be after his ladylove, he sets out to Kansas City to protect Sarah, who is unaware of any lurking danger, by kidnapping her.

Moses travels across country to connect with the members of his old team—who also aren’t so thrilled with being retired, Joe Matheson (Morgan Freeman), the paranoid Marvin Boggs (John Malkovich) and gun specialist, Victoria (Helen Mirren) to gain their help in discovering who is after him. With the team reunited, they learn about a connection to an old operation in Guatemala plus a government cover-up that leads to very high-ups in the government. If that wasn’t enough, a cat and mouse game ensues between Frank Moses and the CIA agent assigned to take him down, William Cooper (Karl Urban). The rest of the film follows these retirees as they reminisce about the good old days and attempt to get to the bottom of who wants Frank Moses dead.

RED boasts plenty of fast-paced action from fistfights to explosions to gunfights. But the main reason for this enjoyable movie is its veteran cast. The performance by Bruce Willis is what I’ve come to expect from Mr. Action Movie Star. It is a role that he could very well play in his sleep—the action scenes and the stone-faced issued sarcastic lines. But John Malkovich as the loony and formerly LSD injected Boggs stole the show. There were many scenes when he had the whole theater in hysterics. It was fun to see Helen Mirren in such an out of the ordinary role, which she excelled in. Morgan Freeman graced the screen with his usual charm although his role was small when compared to the others. Richard Dreyfuss and Brian Cox round out this superb cast.

But what really stood about Red (some of my favorite scenes) was when this ensemble cast of A-list stars were altogether. They played off of each other and filled the movie with witty banter, including jokes about Willis’ lack of hair. The scenes with the group seemed to pack a little extra punch.

RED is a fun action-packed ride that is definitely worth seeing.

Photos by Frank Masi – © Copyright 2010 Summit Entertainment LLC.

Jersey Shore Review: Take Me to Canadia

You would think that Angelina’s departure eliminated most of the drama from the house, right? Wrong.  I think Mike has decided to pick up the slack.  In the last episode he harassed Snooki and tried to move in on Vinny’s girl.  This week he fails to be a good wing man for Pauly.  We know that the guys’ main objective in life is to score.  It’s not the loftiest aspiration, but whatever happens between two consenting adults is their business.  Pauly at least tries to be polite about it.  Occasionally they will meet a girl who they originally thought was “DTF,” but actually isn’t with the program.  When Pauly and Mike bring home two friends, Pauly’s girl is amenable to the smush but Mike’s girl is not.  Lo and behold he meets a girl that does not want to have sex with him immediately.  Unlike Pauly and Vinny, I don’t think Mike respects that or would consider actually taking the time to get to know a girl and dating her.  When the girl doesn’t want to sleep with him Mike asks her to wait outside of the room for her friend.  He won’t even speak to her or entertain her while Pauly is with the friend.  Both end up leaving, and the next day Mike spins the story as if the girl was a grenade and that she was too ugly for him to take one for the team (Pauly). He’s really a disgusting human being.  A special kind of scumbag.

A few nights later Pauly and Mike try again.  They meet two blondes who tell them they are Canadian.  Upon hearing this, the guys say that they love Canadia.  This mythical country apparently produces some very attractive women.  Seriously?  Canadians are from Canadia?    This has to be the funniest thing I’ve heard all season.  The girls inform these meatheads that Canadians hail from Canada, you know that country to the north?  When they take the girls home, it’s deja vu all over again.  Pauly’s girl is DTF, Mike’s girl is not.  When they say that they are going to leave in five minutes, Mike tells them to just leave now.  He’s consistent, if nothing else. 

Meanwhile there is more trouble in paradise for Sam and Ron.  When Ron tells Sam that she looks like she’s Asian, she gets ticked off.  For a second I thought she was being racist, because what’s so bad about looking like you’re Asian, even if you’re not?  It turns out that Ron’s ex is Asian.  Ohhh, okay.  She storms off and he tries to explain himself.  Their spat ends in a stalemate, but do we even care at this point?

One person who isn’t having any problems in the love department is Vinny, who seems to have permanently won the affections of Ramona.  After blowing him off initially, now she can’t keep her hands off him.  Good for you Vinny.  It will be interesting to see if this goes anywhere.  Their time in Miami is almost up, and when it is Vinny and Ramona will probably be a wrap.  For Snooki they can’t get home fast enough.  She’s missing her friends and becomes very homesick after her best friend Ryder leaves.  Maybe that’s why she starts a fight when they go out, resulting in them being thrown out of the club after only being there for about thirty minutes.  Everyone is disappointed because this club was reminiscent of the ones back home, and the girls are very homesick.  I understand missing your friends and family, but you’re on vacation.  You’re not serving a prison sentence.  Soldiers in Iraq can be homesick.  You’re on South Beach, stop acting like it’s torture. 

If you’ve seen one episode, you’ve seen ‘em all.  Get wasted, hook up, fight. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Season 2, Episodes 13:  Deja Vu All Over Again (originally aired October 14, 2010)

For more Jersey Shore, click here.

Follow Poptimal on Twitter @poptimal.

Images courtesy of MTV.

SUNDAY, 17th (Week of Oct 17 – 23)

MAD MEN: How insane will the drama get on tonight’s season finale? (10pm/AMC)

MONDAY, 18th

BRET MICHAELS: LIFE AS I KNOW IT: What does that title even mean?! I thought he only knew a life with hookers? (10pm/VH1)

« Previous Page — Next Page »