Dexter Review: Now The Gloves Come Off

Loyal Dexter fans should know by now that the series tends to build its tension slowly and surely throughout each season, until the suspense nearly boils over in the final few episodes and provides a white-knuckle climax that always keeps viewers on the edge of their seats. Season Five has proved no exception to this rule, despite various grumblings that this most recent installment got off to a rocky start.

Naysayers, however, will likely have trouble continuing to balk at the last couple of episodes that finally kicked the action into high gear and provided a villain so diabolically twisted the Trinity Killer himself would furrow his brow in contempt. The grueling journey down the long and winding road from Boyd’s barrel-filled swamp to the gleaming façade of Jordan Chase’s office has developed a story so morbidly riveting it’s hard to imagine having doubts about this season’s prowess among the Dexter canon. Interestingly enough, this week’s episode is titled “In the Beginning,” referring to a time both the characters and viewers were unaware of the macabre discoveries that lay ahead. That blissful ignorance now resides in the past, however, as the secret lives of both Jordan Chase and Dexter himself are now at serious risk of being uncovered.

After Jordan’s chillingly cryptic phone call to Lumen last week, Dexter wisely gets Harrison out of Miami by having the nanny whisk him away to Rita’s former in-laws’ in Orlando. The house is no longer a safe place for Lumen to hide, so she takes refuge at Dexter’s apartment while they formulate their plans. Although Lumen thinks Jordan should be “taken out” immediately, Dexter advises they first interrogate Emily Birch (the woman whose blood Jordan wears in a vial around his neck – how very Angelina of him) instead, in the hopes she can identify the other depraved thugs in Jordan’s crew. Dexter notes that Emily fits the physical profile of all the victims (slender, blond, pretty), but is a bit older than Lumen. In fact, she’s the same age as Jordan and his buddies. Could she have been their first?

While Dexter and Lumen ponder Emily’s possible role in Jordan’s sadistic scheme, Robocop has apparently ignored Quinn’s threats and has continued investigating Dexter’s life outside Miami Metro. Although we first see Robocop peering at Dexter’s apartment through the slats of cunningly drawn blinds, he’ll later decide to step it up a notch and score surveillance equipment through the police department (and Quinn’s easily forged signature).

Dexter arrives at work to discover the “barrel girls” case has been reopened in light of new evidence linking the victims to more than one perpetrator. Dex, of course, had gone to great lengths to keep the police away from his newest quest for homemade justice and is dismayed to learn the spotlight is back on his special project. As usual, the police are about ten steps behind Dexter as they remain unaware that primary suspects Boyd and Cole are currently serving as fish food in the Gulf Stream, and send Quinn and Deb to Jordan’s offices to investigate Cole’s whereabouts. When they discover Cole has taken a mysterious leave of absence from his security duties, Deb launches into a colorful tirade and plays “bad cop” against Quinn’s eager, but mostly useless, “good cop” persona. When Quinn asks why she chose to antagonize Jordan so explicitly, Deb points out how unlikely it is for him to be completely uninvolved in a series of violent gang assaults that are directly connected to associates of his. Quinn dutifully shrugs in agreement, and continues to follow Deb around in pursuit of her approval for the rest of the episode. Guess he’s still in the doghouse.

Once search warrants for Cole’s condo are approved, Dexter tags along to join the team in collective horror as they make a discovery almost as unnerving as the barreled bodies themselves. Cole had kept a lockbox full of DVDs he and Jordan’s other cronies had made during their reign of terror over each torture victim. Masuka astutely notes that 12 locks of blond hair had been found at Boyd’s house, but 13 horrifying DVDs were made to capture the most gruesome moments of each assault. Dexter realizes Lumen was the thirteenth victim and quickly replaces her DVD with a damaged, unreadable one in the evidence file to prevent Deb or anyone else in the department from identifying her.

He brings the original footage of Lumen’s attack home with him and informs her of the developments in the case. “Number 13,” Lumen spits, eying the plain white disc with its identifying number scrawled on the surface. “That’s what I was to them.” In the first moment that defies their otherwise professional relationship, Lumen expresses tearfully genuine gratitude to Dexter for risking his life to help her vengeful pursuit. “You’ve been my only way through this,” she admits, her voice cracking with emotion. Taken aback, Dexter pauses before thoughtfully responding, “I guess we met each other at the right time.” As Lumen watches her brutal attack from an outsider’s perspective, the gut-wrenching sounds provide plenty of justification for Deb’s visibly shaken response to this new evidence.

“No one could go through something like this and have a normal life again,” she tells Dexter back at the station. “People are stronger than you think,” he responds, thinking of Lumen and her willful need to bring her assailants to justice. Deb unknowingly has this desire in common with Lumen, as she explains her newest theory to Dexter. After realizing Dan the dentist is included in the torture footage, Deb had made the connection that he, Boyd and Cole all have ties to each other and Jordan Chase. Interestingly, all three are also either dead or missing (or just dead, but Deb hasn’t gotten that far yet), and Deb presents a hypothesis that hits closer to home for Dexter than she realizes. “Who would want all these guys dead?” she asks Dexter, before answering her own question. “Me,” she emphatically declares, backing up her own idea that a vigilante is offing Jordan’s buddies one by one. Well, then. That Deb has turned out to be one smart cookie – even Dexter seems impressed with her shrewd investigative skills, but keeps his mouth shut for obvious reasons.

After being blown off on her first visit, Lumen returns to Emily Birch’s suspiciously barricaded house (between the security precautions and the DUIs, Dexter had noted, it looks like she’s “got plenty of defenses up”) with her torture video in tow. This time, Emily invites her in and the two exchange their respective horror stories. Emily had been attacked nearly 20 years ago when she was a counselor at the same summer camp as Jordan and his friends. When Lumen presents the old photo of Boyd, Cole, Dan and their two unknown compatriots, Emily reveals that the chubby misfit on the left is actually Jordan (then known by his given name, Eugene Greer — don’t blame him for changing that one) and the other mystery man is Alex Tilden, now a Miami banker. Emily admits that Jordan never actually touched her, but instead instructed the others to follow his orders. She squeezes her eyes shut  while explaining that Jordan’s current career seems to be drawn from that fateful summer, his “Take it!” philosophy having spawned from his experience presiding over her torture.

Although Emily initially presents herself as a sympathetic character, the depth of her thwarted psyche is further revealed as Jordan later pays her a visit to ask how the meeting with Lumen went. When it’s made clear Jordan had instructed Emily to divulge the entirety of her experience to Lumen, the extent of her Stockholm syndrome and their dysfunctionally twisted relationship is brought to light. In possibly the creepiest scene of the season, Jordan reassures Emily’s insecurities by insisting, “You made me what I am today,” but refuses her sadly pathetic attempt to hold his hand and never makes eye contact. In fact, his gaze remains fixed and glassy on the empty space straight ahead as if to purposefully avoid looking at the damaged creature before him. While it seems curious at first why Jordan would want Lumen and Dexter to be sure of both his and Alex Tilden’s involvement in the barrel girls case, his intentions later become clear when the dynamic duo head to Alex’s house to assess incriminating evidence.

Not knowing Alex is already on Deb and Quinn’s radar for his connections with Cole (“We’re on a fantasy football league together,” he lamely tells them), Dexter and Lumen uncover kill-worthy verification of his guilt. Lumen discovers a wooden box divided into 13 sections, each containing one piece of jewelry. The thirteenth piece is a clover necklace her grandparents gave her as a high school graduation gift that she’d happened to have been wearing the night she got abducted. Satisfied with their proof, Dex and Lumen scour the house for a proper kill room. Noticing a Buddha-inspired sculpture in the living room, Lumen remarks, “Looks like Alex believes in karma.” Heh!

Unfortunately, Jordan remains one step ahead as he tells a nervous Alex to remain calm after his confrontation with the police. The last thing he should do, Jordan advises, is leave town or draw attention to himself. Jordan recommends Alex keep as close to his normal routine as possible, all while knowing Dexter and Lumen will be targeting him the following night. Jordan makes a visit to Miami Metro in the morning, flanked by his lawyer and security team, and agrees to a DNA test administered by Dexter. The stoically threatening conversation between the two men is gleefully ridden with subtext as they pretend to engage in small talk, but quickly get down to business. Dexter tells Jordan he understands why he’s complying with the police. Since Jordan is the ringleader and doesn’t actually touch any of the victims, he needn’t worry about his DNA matching any evidence. However, it also means the police can then focus on Alex Tilden. “This DNA test will clear your name,” Dexter admits, “and leave you all to me…and her,” he dryly adds with a sting. It is so on.

Once nightfall approaches, Lumen shows off her kill outfit, made complete with her own set of black leather gloves Dexter presents to her. “They’re just like yours!” she exclaims. Dexter nods with vigorous approval, looking rightfully pleased and proud with his protégé. “You look…perfect,” he finally musters. He helps her navigate his knife set and engages in a lesson on the proper way to hold and plunge such a weapon. While the exchange is poignant and full of noticeably romantic tension, the reveal of pesky Robocop’s surveillance van and jaw-dropped reaction at a gloved Lumen and Dexter practicing their knife skills (they’re obviously not going to be slicing veggies) pierces the moment. “Oh, my goodness,” gasps Robocop. It does look pretty incriminating, I have to admit.

Knowing Alex will follow his orders to fly under the radar and act normal, Jordan perches himself outside Alex’s house and waits for Lumen and Dexter to show up first. “Right on time,” he nearly chuckles as the twosome sneak through the front door. Before he drives away, Jordan seals the deal by calling Deb and telling her his secretary had informed him of a “panicked” man named Alex Tilden calling his offices looking for Cole. Although this makes Alex sound like a complete idiot, Jordan has insured that the police will head straight to Alex’s and discover Dexter and Lumen red-handed.

In the meantime, Alex gets home from work and is greeted with a glowing television screen playing Lumen’s horrific torture footage. As he begins to panic, she steps in front of the TV to reveal herself and Dexter sedates him seconds later. While Deb and Quinn speed over to Alex’s house, it seems impossible they’ll catch Lumen and Dexter – they must have configured a kill room elsewhere, or the complete disembowelment of the series is nearly upon us. Indeed, as Deb and Quinn squint to read address numbers, the house next door to Alex’s is pointedly lingered on to give the viewer enough time to process the significance of the For Sale sign in the front yard. But of course! While Deb and Quinn investigate Alex’s empty house, Lumen and Dexter proceed with their plans mere yards away.

Lumen braces herself for the kill and even climbs on top of the table for leverage. As she plunges the blade into Alex’s chest, the look of delighted enrapture and twisted pride on Dexter’s face can’t be accurately put into words. Lumen is visibly shaken and relieved, but also clearly proud of avenging the horror this man had helped wreak. Although Dexter had originally expressed doubt over Lumen’s recognizance (“It’ll change you,” he’d warned. “I’m already changed,” she had retorted. Touché.), he then narrates how, like for many firsts in life, she had clearly known it was simply the right time for her first kill.

Outside, Deb discovers a footprint in Alex’s yard and Quinn (in his most helpful comment of the episode) notes that its smaller size may indicate it belongs to a woman. “She was just here,” Deb moans, noticing the fresh marks in the mud. Suddenly, a new idea occurs to her. Remembering the discrepancy between the 12 locks of hair and 13 DVDs, Deb wonders out loud if it could be possible for the vigilante killer to be the escaped thirteenth victim. Meanwhile, I wonder if Robocop’s information on Dexter’s late-night boat ride with a comely blond will even occur to an apparently lobotomized Quinn. Must Deb always do all the police work around here?

Teeming with adrenaline from the evening’s events, Lumen and Dexter return to the apartment. Although she was “changed” before, Lumen is clearly aware that from this particular point on, her life will certainly never be the same. Perhaps Deb was right after all. However, she acknowledges her palpable sense of relief and possible twinge of hope for the first time in months as she approaches Dexter in his bedroom. Finally ready to rid herself of the grief of being physically assaulted, Lumen silently confronts Dexter with the building romantic tension between them and they finally spend the night together. It had taken so long for any physical connection to occur between them I had all but written off that possibility, but now that the line has been crossed I admit it would have made less sense to not explore that aspect of their relationship.

The entire season has built up Dexter’s growing ability to accept a real partner in his life. Although he certainly cared for Rita and their marriage, his constant struggle to maintain a double life put a strain on the sincerity of his intentions. With Lumen, however, Dexter can finally build a connection with someone who has witnessed the roots of his psyche. As they lie in bed together, the scars on Lumen’s back from her horrific ordeal illustrate how she can also rely on Dexter to understand her in ways no one else can. “I’m someone different,” Dexter narrates. “In her eyes, I’m not a monster at all.”

With only two episodes left in the season, Dexter is bracing itself for another showdown between Dexter and an ultimate nemesis, but this time walls are closing in from all directions. Despite his budding romance with Lumen, Deb’s increasingly coherent and spot-on hunches regarding the case and Robocop’s alarmingly competent investigative skills could still bring Dexter’s secret world to a devastating halt. Will Deb finally piece together the details of her brother’s dark passenger? Will Robocop bring his newfound information to the department? Will Lumen somehow be fingered as the vigilante and let Dexter slip by undetected, again? Is someone going to destroy Jordan Chase, or will he fall through the cracks and join the likes of Trinity as a sociopath at large? While surely at least one of these questions will be answered in the next two episodes, Dexter still has plenty of time to uncover unforeseen twists that will leave us with questions we never saw coming.

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Season 5, Episode 10: “In the Beginning” (originally aired November 28, 2010)

Sundays at 9pm EST on Showtime.

Photos courtesy of Showtime and IMDb Pro.

Gossip Girl Review: Climax Pending

“Just because we can’t be friends, doesn’t mean we aren’t.”

I love that quote. Love. It. There’s such simple, quiet truth in it; a truth I believe most of us have known at one time or another, whether we expressed it or not.

And for the strangest moment of this week’s episode, for the smallest of split seconds, I didn’t hate Jenny Humphrey (Taylor Momsen). Then I remembered how she’s the Antichrist and I would give my Burberry purse to the writers if they would expel her from the show once and for all. The small purse. Let’s not be hasty. Seriously, it would be much easier to forgive Jenny for her transgressions if she didn’t have multiple personalities. Two weeks ago she needs to leave because she hates the drama. Then last week she returns to help Juliet (Katie Cassidy) and Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) teach Serena (Blake Lively) a lesson once and for all. Together they turn Dan (Penn Badgley), Nate (Chace Crawford), and Blair (Leighton Meester) against S at a party, withdraw her from Columbia University, and caused her mother (Kelly Rutherford) to be ashamed of her once again.

All of that is child’s play, though, compared to where Juliet went next. She drugged Serena and dumped her in a hotel room, alone. Serena comes to at the beginning of tonight’s episode and calls 911. She insists that she wasn’t trying to overdose but no one – well, almost no one, believes her. The one who believes her is, of course, the ever faithful Dan. He even busts her out of the crazy house. Things take a turn for the worse when a Gossip Girl blast shows S doing drugs at the party, and Serena is forced to admit that perhaps she does have a problem and can’t recall what happened. She and Lonely Boy do kiss, and she admits he was the one she was coming to cozy up to the night of the party. I have to say, I used to be a huge proponent of S and Dan, but these days it’s feeling a little played out.

Meanwhile, Nate is still making nice with his father, who continues to lament the estrangement from Nate’s mother. The Captain (Sam Robards) asks Nate to speak with her, and after Nate discovers divorce papers and gives her a guilt-laden speech, she agrees to go and see how much her husband has changed for herself. The Captain snows Anne Archibald (Francie Swift) like he’s snowed Nate, a fact we corroborate when the guard lets it slip that the man’s parole date is coming up, and having a family to go home to will certainly play in his favor. Nate’s pretty dumb, so he probably hasn’t even figured it out yet.

Chuck (Ed Westwick) and Blair are thrown together, even though she has plans to travel to Paris for Thanksgiving, and they spend the day comforting one another during the upheaval with S. In the end, Blair is beginning to fall back into old habits as far as depending on Chuck, and even doubts her decision the week before. Chuck, lovely, amazing guy that he is, reminds her that she was right – they need time on their own to figure things out. She might be ready to be friends, but he can’t. So poignantly tortured and raw, culminating in the quote above on a note signed “Always, B.” Have I mentioned how gorgeously these characters, their story, and their dialogue are? Yes. Yes, I think I have.

Little J tells Juliet that she plans to come clean, that they went too far and S could’ve been hurt. Juliet calls Vanessa, who rats Jenny out to Rufus (Matthew Settle). Vanessa is a whiny little witch these days, and has traveled so far from the upright, righteous, holier than thou character of seasons past that I’m not even really sure what to make of her. Juliet goes to the jail to inform her brother of their success, only to find him shocked at the lengths to which she’s gone. Juliet skips town, but Little J uses some evidence from her trash to convince Blair that Serena has been telling the truth the entire time.

The end of the night illuminated a reuniting of one of my favorite Gossip Girl duos – Blair and Dan. Together, they plan to find Juliet and get her to admit what she did, there by clearing S’s name. I, for one, am more than ready to find out where this Juliet and Ben storyline has been headed all fall. I can’t wait to see my B in all her evil glory.

Season 4, Episode 10:  Gaslit (originally aired November 30, 2010)

Mondays at 9/8C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW.

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta Review: The Truth Always Comes Out

Happy Belated Thanksgiving, all you Poptimal readers. I hope your Turkey (or Tofurkey for all you crazy kids) was even better than you dreamed of. I am fortunate to have a lot of things to be thankful for in this insane, oft unfair world. And this week’s The Real Housewives of Atlanta was definitely one of those things for three big reasons. First, we finally reached the Nene-Greg leaked tape scandal, and second, the nurses at the hospital finally kicked Phaedra out and forced her to take care of her own baby. Third, Sheree let Tiy-E have it!

For me, it’s a toss up between what was funniest. And, no, divorce is not funny. But I still can’t get over Tiy-E screaming for Sheree to prove that she’s a woman. As if she was going to pull up her top, right there out in the open, maybe even drop trough. Sheree played it cool, and I have to commend her for that. For a woman who once got in a designer’s face and told him to “BRING IT”, well, I wasn’t expecting anything demure and coy. And this isn’t alt-Atlanta so we didn’t get that either, but she did start out by calmly asking him how he felt about her Spades night. (By the way, did they even play spades that night?!) It wasn’t long though, before Tiy-E decided he’d rather rail on Sheree for her unwomanly ways than listen to any rational ideas on how she couldn’t trust him or believe the things he said because he wasn’t upfront and honest with her. Do I think that every man needs to state his pedigree before entering into a dating relationship? No, but have you seen Sheree? Have you heaaaaard the lady speak?! Every other word is money, fabulous, luxury, me, me, money.  He couldn’t have truly thought that he was getting past date number three without a background check. After three dates he was already tired of paying for her food and Sheree showing no interest in developing a deep, phone relationship with his son. I know Sheree is kind of crazy, but Tiy-E is looney tunes in comparison. 

So while Sheree cleaned house, Phaedra welcomed a new family member into hers, and  his name is Aydan Adonis. ADONIS is his middle name! I thought Beatrice was bad. It’s kind of pretty next to ADONIS. That one was all Apollo’s doing. (Big surprise there.) The boy better be built, or he’ll be cowering away from his name. And he wouldn’t be the only one, since Phaedra will probably be cowering somewhere too, trying to get as far away from any motherly responsibilities as possible. Phaedra claimed only about 1 minute into her segment that she was chained to the baby. Then, the two Parents of the Year (nominations here!) left the baby in the car with the driver so Apollo could carry Phaedra up 20 stairs because of the staples in her delicate stomach because of the C-section. There are so many adults who have mommy and daddy issues. We all have a tiny bit somewhere inside of us, but I’m talking about the Oedipal/Electra-sized issues. In my head, I always thought, how can someone ignore their own child. It’s their own flesh and blood. When did the love die? Now, I see where. The love died in the womb. All episode, Phaedra looked at her baby with the same look of disgust and indifference that I give my laundry every Sunday. Actually, it might have been worse.

Our other housewives had less eventful weeks, especially Cynthia, who was once again relegated to the outskirts, i.e. five minutes of wedding planning coverage. She did make an appearance for the new and improved “Kandi Koated Nights”. Then again, she had to share her time with all the other housewives and couldn’t get an word in. Things got awkward when Kandi pointed out Nene’s demure ways in the bedroom because as Nene puts it, Southern girls “don’t talk about things like that openly, that’s shhh shut your mouth!” Yet, Kandi continued to force the housewives to rank their “freak meter”. The spectrum ranged from a three for Nene to Sheree at a whopping 9.5. But the true freak was yet to come. Cue Mr. Luscious! He’s a renowned Atlanta stripper who loves animal print and knows how to work it…for a webcam. I hope that was not considered a high point for “Kandi Koated Nights”.

Not much is more absurd than Mr. Luscious, but Kim buying a $3,000 abstinence ring for Brielle, who was pledging no sex until 18, came pretty close. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the sentiment or support the statement, but where was the real talk. While Kim was arguing over the age of 20 or 18, I was idealistically wondering about love and marriage. Who cares if she waits another two years Kim, if it’s with some dimwitted idiot of a man-boy?! She could have totally slipped in a chastity belt with that $3,000 abstinence agreement. Kim should also be thankful this week.  No babies for her babies! Oh, and Kandi “dumbed down” her new song “The Ring Didn’t Mean A Thing”, which in my opinion, made for a better song in the end. And Kim even liked it this time, and of course, she’d never doubted Kandi. (Insert Kandi’s quintessential eye role.)

As the episode came to a close, I wondered how the Greg-Nene showdown would play out. Earlier, Nene met with a divorce attorney at the referral of her friend Diana. (This was the same friend who was with her during her surgery. Be thankful for real friends!) Then, she found out about the leaked phone call during her first day at her new job, where she was threated with the “keep your business at home” policy. All across town housewives were gossiping and pitying, silenting gleeful that it was not about one of their problems for once. And when she came home, Greg greeted her with his smug face, somewhat taking responsibility but really deflecting the situation. He apologized but blamed the radio DJ, who violated his trust. He steered clear of putting attention on the hurtful, cruel things he actually said about her. But, he wasn’t getting away that easily. Nene layed into him about how much she’d given of herself, how marriage is about sharing and not about who owes who and how she’d never air their dirty laundry. He sat there, hoping the rant was finally over and when it was, the two went their separate ways, making it evidently clear that things were over.

In the end, I was thankful for Dr. Love because he brought back the She-ra in Sheree. I was thankful that in a mere 10 years, we’ll get a reality show about Arianna and Brielle, hopefully called “What My (Crazy) Reality Mom Taught Me.” I was thankful that Nene finally got up the courage to do something for herself. So yes, I was thankful for a lot this week.

QUOTABLES

“Before this, I was fancy-free and footloose, running around shopping and doing, you know, whatever I wanted to do. And now I’m sort of chained to this baby… We’ll see how this turns out.” – Phaedra

“Why men gotta feed you to talk to you?” – Tiy-E

“I’m dropping the Dr., too.” – Sheree

“So fantastic it makes her keep her legs closed.” – Kim

“People say being a parent is rewarding. And right now the rewards for me is just seeing this person that I created. I mean, because he doesn’t do anything.” – Phaedra

Season 3, Episode 9: Nene Get Your Gun (originally aired November 28, 2010)

Unstoppable: There’s No Derailing This Film

Unstoppable turned out to be a fun film, packed with enough drama, pressure and intensity to give any nursing home resident a heart attack. The film was also aptly named, and like a freight train barreling towards the town it’s hell-bent on destroying, it just could not be stopped.

When I first sat in the theater, I figured it would be the perfect, weekend popcorn fare, with a storyline so impossible yet harrowing, that I thought if it stunk, it’d at least be the funny kind of stinking. Plus, I was fascinated to see how Chris Pine would manage in his first big blockbuster since Star Trek, and Denzel Washington (American Gangster, Training Day) almost never disappoints. Fortunately for me, it wasn’t only Denzel that didn’t disappoint in this instance.

Unstoppable centers around Frank, a veteran engineer, and Will, a rookie conductor, who decide to play hero when an unmanned train and its final stop was set to be the largest disaster in Pennsylvania history. Connie (Rosario Dawson) is a female boss at the trains command center, helping to put Plan A, B, C (you get the picture) in motion, keeping everyone on their toes and fighting the bureaucratic jerks at the top who’d rather talk about stock devaluation and monetary losses than the “missile the size of the Chrysler Building” barreling towards all those PA businesses and homes. Apparently, the idea was inspired by a 2001 incident, where a 47-car locomotive leaving Toledo barreled through three counties at 66 miles an hour. In this instance, no one was hurt, so all the film explosions, car plowing and numerous other mishaps must have been inspired elsewhere.

The first relatable film that popped in my head was Speed. But a bus that couldn’t slow down due to bomb-speed issues couldn’t hold a candle to this runaway train action-thriller, unless you count the funny factor. The next correlation, that I felt, came when we learned of union issues and old-timers being forced into early retirement. The behind-the-scenes, work environment of planes, trains and automobiles are completely foreign to me, so I felt like I did watching the second season on The Wire. It was, by far, my least favorite season, but before it got boring, I was intrigued by the focus on ports and how those shipping harbor work since I had no clue, and it had never been even a passing thought in my head. It was quickly relegated to the back of my mind after episode twelve. Here, though, it served to give us an understanding of how different Will and Frank are, as well as, give the audience an understanding of how villainous the owning corporation is in comparison to these workers doing the best they can in hard jobs. The sentiment wasn’t not hammered down our throats, which I appreciated, but was a necessary backdrop to flesh out the characters and the predicament they were in.

And, I guess, that’s a testament to the succinct, tension-filled writing of Mark Bomback (Live Free or Die Hard, The Race to Witch Mountain). Bomback knows how to make heroes who are so relatable, they could be your dad, brother or next door neighbor, and you wouldn’t doubt them for a second. He also knows how to make light of an extremely tense situation to add some needed relief. I can’t say a lot for Witch Mountain, but I know the same could be said for the fourth Die Hard. Couple that with, Tony Scott’s (Top Gun, Spy Game) direction, which was frenetic and quick-paced when the scene called for action and excitement yet beautiful and haunting as the train careened across the vastness of Pennsylvania, and you have a movie that while not Oscar-worthy is certainly entertaining. From Scott’s first scenes of train yard dust floating in the air and churning wheels on the train track, I knew I would, at least, not be cinematically let down.

When it came to acting, Washington, Pines and Dawson all held their own as the leads. Washington, worked with Scott on Man on Fire, Déjà vu, and The Taking of Pelham 1 2 3, and the two clearly know each other well and are comfortable working together. Both are veterans in the business, and any less that something fluid, realistic and easy would surprise me. The wildcards were Pines and Dawson. Pines made me forget the past, iconic character who might make it harder for me to seriously fall into any new character of his, and Dawson, who has yet to choose a film that really showcases her as the breakout star so many claimed her to be when she tackled Gail in Sin City, was pretty effortless and the “ball-buster” who cares. Now, I don’t think this is a breakout vehicle for either of them, but by playing normal, real people well, it was more like a slate cleaner. (I’d be remiss if I didn’t acknowledge Kevin Dunn, Kevin Corrigan and Lew Temple. Each played their respective small parts of boss, scientific geek and cowboy extremely well even if they had little screen time.)

By the end of Unstoppable, my heart was racing and I was at the edge of my seat. Did it all turn out the way I expected in the end? Yes. Were some of the ideas to stop that train so far-fetched that I could have howled with laughter? Yes. But with great writing, acting and directing, the story was so all-consuming that the predictable and outrageous never concerned me. I’d call that combination pretty unstoppable.

Love and Other Drugs Review – Take a Peek Under the Surface

Recommendation numero uno – if you’re like me and still relatively uncomfortable viewing nudity and graphic sex with your parents, don’t see this film with your mother. Yup, I did that.

Love and Other Drugs was different than I expected, which is typically a ringing endorsement. I like it when films surprise me, present more layers and complexity than is visible in a minute and half long trailer.  I expected a romantic comedy with a male lead who has commitment issues, family issues, self esteem issues (pick your poison) who falls hard for the independent writer, actress, singer, painter (pick your poison) who rejects him but in the end makes him see love for what it truly is. This film does have those basic building blocks, but the character of Maggie (Anne Hathaway) is complicated by a degenerative neurological disorder. She has early onset Parkinson’s, a disease for which is there no cure, and my generation became familiar with through the brave struggles of Michael J. Fox.

Jamie (Jake Gyllenhaal) comes from a family of doctors, with the notable exception of his nerdy brother who sold some sort of techno company for millions of bucks. Jamie refused to go to medical school in order to prove his independence to his father, and his family treats him like a lazy kid full of nothing but wasted potential. What he has, though, is a super talent for both sales and getting laid. He joins a pharmaceutical sales company and movies to Ohio to begin hocking anti-depressants, antibiotics, and finally Viagra – which lands him a chance encounter with Maggie’s breasts during a medical exam.

After the obligatory incident in which she beats him for sneaking a peek under false pretenses, she agrees to have coffee with him. After a short conversation in which she calls bullshit on all the moves that normally work for Jamie like a charm, she drags him back to her place to have sex. Turns out Miss Maggie has intimacy issues of her own, due to the fact that she doesn’t expect anyone to want to stick around when her disease starts to get the better of her. Instead of trying, she sleeps around and then moves on when the guy starts to get attached.

She and Jamie have a whirlwind…well, it’s not so much a romance since all they do is have lots and lots of pretty graphic sex. Still, they do manage to develop feelings for one another (which, I agree, tends to happen when people have lots of sex). We fall into a pattern of Maggie pushing Jamie away, Jamie making the grand gesture to get her back, until finally she agrees to limited girlfriend terms. One of the most charming scenes of the film is the night he comes home, freaking out about something. His heart is pounding, he’s sweating, he’s shaking – and finally tells her he loves her. He’s never said it before, not to anyone. Her face and her response are priceless: “Oh god, you’re more fucked up than I am.”

Things begin to go south when the symptoms of Maggie’s disease worsen, and she accompanies him on a work trip to Chicago. While Jamie hobnobs with hot chicks and dudes in smart suits, Maggie sits across the street at a convention for people like her – people with Parkinsons. The realization she’s not alone opens up new doors in her mind, and she finally admits that she loves Jamie too. He, however, was told a cautionary tale at the buffet table, and can’t get it out of his head. A man who has dealt with a wife with Parkinsons for decades advises Jamie to run – if he could go back, he’d leave. Jamie doesn’t want to leave, but all of the sudden he needs her to get better.

Jamie drags Maggie on all sorts of cutting edge treatment visits, seminars, etc. until she’s finally had enough and calls him out on what’s really going on – he can’t be with her without knowing she’ll get better. She wants to live her life, to do what she can, to be herself – that her life isn’t about her disease.

They break up. They’re both very sad. Jamie has a threesome with a Thai girl and that hot blond chick from Bones (Katheryn Winnick). We see more boobs and gratuitous sex (I suppose to show us what kind of life Jamie is passing up to be with Maggie?). In the end, he wants her, though, and makes the grandest grand gesture and the nice speech with all the right words that makes everything better.

I’m being a tad facetious here, because in all honesty the end choked me up a bit and I really rooted for them as a couple. Both Gyllenhaal and Hathaway give solid, believable performances and the story has quite a bit more heart than I expected when I sat down. I still can’t, in all good faith, say you can’t wait for video. There’s nothing that makes me say you absolutely must see this film in the theater. It is worth seeing, though, so make a note and settle in for a good show.

Not with your parents, though. Make a note of that too.

 

The King’s Speech Review: Stammeringly Good

I’m not convinced that many people would argue with me when I say that 2010 has been a dreadfully disappointing year at the movies. We’ve been seemingly pummeled to death this year by lifeless cinema that substituted hastily made 3D effects for imagination and originality. I can sadly think of only a handful of films this year that actually transported me to that magical place I call Movie Heaven where what I’m watching completely takes over my mind and unfolds around me in a way that makes me lose all sense of time and forget my outside life. Maybe I’m getting old and cynical but these experiences seem to be happening less and less often to a point where I find it depressing. So imagine my joy when it happened this week upon viewing The King’s Speech.

Some people may roll their eyes and dismiss something described as a World War II-set British royalty drama but they would be doing themselves a grave disservice because this one happens to be one of the most charming and pleasant movie experiences I’ve had in a long while. Director Tom Hooper (HBO’s John Adams) has assembled both a visually stunning and historically fascinating film that will surely be a contender for many of this year’s Academy Awards.

Set in the tumultuous era of 1930s Britain, The King’s Speech tells the intriguing story of how King George VI (Colin Firth) rose to the throne while battling a debilitating speech impediment. It may sound trivial but imagine a national leader in any era where broadcast existed and think about how impossible their duties would be even if they were unelected. King George, also known as Bertie to his family, struggled with this his entire life as a result of restrictions put upon him by his royal family. Watching his attempts to speak publicly is absolutely painful and Firth sells it with facial expressions that evoke a man trapped inside his own mind without a voice.

His loving wife Elizabeth, played by the always remarkable Helena Bonham Carter, refuses to let him give up when his pride begs him to stop seeking help, but when the film begins his prospect for being cured appears hopeless. After seeing every serious speech therapist in the country, Elizabeth attempts going to a more unorthodox source in the form of Geoffrey Rush as Lionel Logue, an Australian speech therapist/failed actor with strange methods and no actual credentials. Logue insists on only seeing his patients in the privacy of his basement office and prying into their personal lives like a psychologist in an attempt to get at the root of the problem. This naturally goes over poorly with the usually tight-lipped and secretive royal family but when Logue insists on being at their same level, Bertie and Elizabeth have no choice but to agree.

More interestingly for those who might be a bit rusty on their British history, we get to witness the behind the scenes drama of the change of power that occurs after the death of King George V played by Michael Gambon. Bertie, as the younger son of the family was obviously not next in line to succeed his father but the wild lifestyle of his older brother, David (Guy Pearce), casts doubt on his ability to lead morally. Even when his father dies and David rises to become King Edward VIII, the pressure of the throne and the threat of war with Germany fail to bring him in line as he instead insists on marrying a divorced woman from Baltimore of all places. This traditionally unfathomable act eventually leads David to abandon the throne putting Bertie in the hot seat to lead his empire through the tough days of World War II and beyond.

These behind-the-scenes glimpses are fascinating but the true heart of the movie lies in seeing how they play out in the relationship between Bertie and Logue as they struggle to cure his speech malady. Both of the men are capable of challenging the other in a variety of ways and in doing so become the best friend either of them has probably ever had. It’s an amazing dynamic to witness and both Firth and Rush are stunning together in the roles to a point that I think they both deserve Oscar attention. In fact, the entire cast is a veritable actors showcase with everyone giving brilliant work from the major roles on down to Timothy Spall‘s brief appearances as Winston Churchill.

And as if the acting alone wasn’t good enough, the film is also crafted in stunning fashion with gorgeous sets, beautiful cinematography, and costumes that made me briefly consider doing drag as Helena Bonham Carter’s Queen Elizabeth for next Halloween. I certainly can’t speak for historical accuracy since I missed this time period by about 50 years, but it feels absolutely authentic and uses special effects to recreate the era in an impressive but non-overt way.

It may not be as complex and mind-bending as Inception or as quirky and fun as Scott Pilgrim vs The World but this is easily one of my contenders for best film of the year thanks to all of the reasons listed above and the simple state of joy that I experienced while watching it. The King’s Speech is once again a perfect example of how interesting characters and a compelling story can transport you and in some cases leave you utterly speechless. No pun intended of course.

Grade: A

 

Riese: Kingdom Falling Review: Steampunk Has Come to Syfy

A melding of steampunk and fantasy, Riese: Kingdom Falling is an intriguing new web series with the right building blocks to make a fantastic new show for the Syfy Channel.

Riese tells the story of a young woman who wanders the land of Eleysia with her wolf companion Fenrir as a fanatical religious group called The Sect hunts her. Riese is actually Princess Riese, the only surviving member of the former ruling family of Eleysia. The Sect murdered her entire family and installed the queen’s cousin Amara onto the throne.

Amara is portrayed as a power hungry tyrant with no regard for her people. She rules through violence and fear and views Riese as a threat. She dispatches Herrick, an infamous magister of The Sect to hunt and destroy the lost princess as a heretic.

Meanwhile though, The Sect has its own plans for Eleysia. It appears that they are the real power behind the throne and are only using Amara to achieve their goal of purifying the land of non-believers of their goddess Sonne and to install a new ruler from their own ranks.

But all is not lost as a group of heretics and rebels have banded together calling themselves The Resistance, fighting against The Sect and Amara to get control of their land back. Rand, their leader, is also looking for Riese. He seeks to restore her back to the throne and end the oppression of Amara’s reign.

Riese’s first season is off to a great start and has the building blocks to be a good series with a well-developed storyline and a great cast of actors. Each episode ranges from nine to eleven minutes long and while we get more into Riese’s backstory and the crazy things that The Sect does, the only unfortunate shortcoming is the limited character development. Understandably it’s challenging to present a well-rounded character in such a short amount of time, but the first season does lay the groundwork for what could be a complex set of individuals.

As the main character, we know that Riese (Christine Chatelain) is good-hearted, brave, and caring. She puts herself at risk in order to help people in need, but has also killed when forced to. She is probably the most well-rounded character as we see her struggles to survive and wrestles with the inherent need to aid victims of The Sect. At the end of the first season Riese comes to a crossroad where she must choose between her birth rite as a leader or her own desires to reclaim a lost loved one.

Amara (Sharon Taylor) is probably the next character that has gotten the most face time. She seems pretty one-dimensional though as a stock character of the evil queen hell bent on maintaining power. We do learn that she has to fight to keep her crown from The Sect and she’ll do anything to get what she wants.

Other members of The Sect are Trennan, Marlise, and Herrick. But before we talk about the individual characters, let’s examine this fanatical religion. It is the most fascinating part of this series because of the juxtaposition of man and machine. Members of The Sect chose to give up parts of their humanity in order to bring them closer to their goddess.

This is evident through Trennan (Patrick Gilmore), The Sect’s ambassador to the Empress, who has a mechanical device strapped onto one eye. Trennan is my favorite character because he’s the most developed next to Riese. Right away we are shown that he has developed feelings for Amara but is also sworn by his duty to his religion. He struggles with serving her and The Sect at the same time while worrying about his own safety and well-being in the process.

On the extreme end we have Herrick (Ben Cotton), who is more machine than man. He appears to be the stereotypical evil henchman. I’m curious to learn more about his backstory and hopefully we’ll get that in the future. His costume is the most visually interesting one and reminds me of Kroenen from Hellboy. In fact both characters wear masks and are mostly mechanical.

Lastly Marlise, played by Smallville’s Allison Mack, is a character we are only beginning to learn about. She is manipulative and seeks to eliminate her rivals via intrigue and deception. This is a refreshing role change for Mack, whom I’m used to seeing as the righteous Chloe Sullivan.

Syfy regular Ryan Robbins (Sanctuary, Battlestar Galactica, Stargate: Atlantis) plays Rand the leader of the Resistance. Robbins does a great job with the limited story his character has been given at the moment. All we know is that he is the rebel leader and that he’s focused on finding Riese to aid the Resistance. I smell possible love interest here in the future.

His second in command is Lieutenant Gaeta; I mean Garin, played by Alessandro Juliani of Battlestar Galactica notoriety. Not much is known about Garin either, except that he doesn’t agree with Rand about finding Riese. But the man’s got some skill with a weapon and it’s also nice to see Juliani in a distinctly different role from Lieutenant Gaeta.

Overall Riese: Kingdom Falling is a fantastic start to a series. While the costumes and sets were great for its limited budget, what really made a difference in the production quality was the use of Red One cameras. The detail of snow falling, fires, shadows, and action sequences were enhanced for our viewing pleasure. Also I must mention that the video editing and musical score were also great and kept each episode flowing and transitioning well.

Steampunk is a genre we hardly see in live action and Riese is a great addition to its ranks. Here’s hoping Syfy picks it up as a show because it would definitely bring a new flavor to its lineup that is in great need of some fresh meat. Lastly, Riese is narrated by Amanda Tapping of Stargate SG-1, how can Syfy not make this into a regular series?

Watch Riese: Kingdom Falling at http://www.syfy.com/riese/.

For television reviews and interviews, click here.

Images courtesy of Syfy.

Psych Q&A with James Roday and Sheryl Lee: Taking a Trip to Twin Peaks…I mean, Dual Spires

Five seasons in, and Psych continues to wow us with its vast encyclopedia of pop culture knowledge and awesome tribute episodes to legends of the past. The latest homage is to the 1990 TV series Twin Peaks.

The original drama was focused on a small town (Twin Peaks) shaken to its core by the murder of a popular high school teen named Laura Palmer (Sheryl Lee). The investigation into Palmer’s death lasted for two seasons (the entire duration of the show), but throughout the investigation, the double lives and dark secrets of many of Twin Peaks’ residents are revealed.

Psych’s special tribute episode followed much of the same protocol. Shawn and Gus are invited to a cinnamon festival in the very small town of Dual Spires. Props to Maggie Lawson (Juliet) for coming up with the clever name! At the festival, the body of a popular yet rebellious teen girl, Paula Merrell, is discovered. At first her death is ruled an accident, but once Shawn and Gus are on the case, it becomes clear there’s more to the story. The people of Dual Spires are all very suspicious, to say the least, and have their own crazy back stories.

The “Dual Spires” episode reunited 7 of the original Twin Peaks cast members. It’s the first time the gang has been together since the show was filmed 20 years ago.

“It was such an incredible gift that James [Roday] and everyone that’s a part of Psych gave us, because some of us hadn’t seen each other from Twin Peaks in years and years,” said Sheryl Lee during a conference call. “It’s such a wonderful group of people…who have such a special place in my heart.”

The returning cast members included: Dana Ashbrook (as Mr. Barker, who’s lost his daughter), Catherine E. Coulson (cameo as a woman with wood), Sherilyn Fenn (Maudette the librarian with a big secret), Robyn Lively (Mrs. Barker, lost her niece), Sheryl Lee (as the town doctor), Lenny von Dohlen (town Sheriff Andrew Jackson), and Ray Wise (who was cast last season as Father Peter Westley).

James Roday was especially fanboy happy that he was able to put together this tribute episode, something he said has been in the works for about four years now.

“This was the closest I’ll ever come to being in an episode of my favorite show, so it was ridiculous,” he said.

But in order to really give this episode an authentic Twin Peaks feel, the Psych theme song was once again redone to reflect the infamous opening of the original show. The team was able to bring in Julee Cruise to perform the slowed-down and somewhat creepy song.

“It’s probably my favorite of the different renditions we’ve done of our theme songs,” said Roday.

There are some subtle and not-so-subtle homages to Twin Peaks scattered all throughout the episode including names, characters, storylines, and props. See if you can spot a few!

Season 5, Episode 12: Dual Spires (will air December 1, 2010)

Wednesdays at 10 p.m. EST on USA

Photos courtesy of USA Network

Dancing With the Stars Review: My Calls Won’t Go Through

Thank. Goodness. I actually tried to vote this time around and couldn’t get through, so I stopped trying and watched Real Housewives of Beverly Hills to better occupy my time.

But all is well in the world of Dancing with the Stars and now people CALM THE HELL DOWN. I know that I have been pretty impassioned over the past few weeks, between Brandy and Bristol and my love of Rick Fox, but things got weird over the past few days of competition. After watching Sarah Palin’s Alaska (someone have me committed) and legitimizing my feelings for Bristol, I still think people need to get a grip.

Even though this competition got oddly politically heated, it is still a dancing competition. Done and done. Since it is about who is the best at dancing ,  the right person won. Clearly. Jennifer Grey is butter on the dance floor. She was so perfect and passionate about what she was doing (and really wanted to be there) that no one else could have won. Even though she may have been on pills to power through the pain in last night’s finale, she was untouchable. Keep in mind she is 50. So much joy. I feel like her performance really came full circle and a win meant more to her than it would have to Kyle or Bristol. I also may have cried thinking about how she may have been thinking about Patrick Swayze when she won. This season’s finale was weird when you consider how someone who has pretty consistently gotten 10′s and a standing ovation from Len could be facing off against two teenagers, but I guess it makes for good TV when people go a little bit psycho.

Kyle was great in the finale. His redemption dance was great (I want him and Lacey to be dating), his freestyle was awesome, his instant tango was too fun — he really was the most charismatic of the season. Sidenote: I love in the results episodes how they play back what the partners were saying to one another right before the performances. Speaking of….

OK let’s just talk about Bristol because everyone loves Kyle and Jennifer and BPalin was the wild card this season blablabla. In terms of the mic/eavesdropping thing, I can’t get over how ironic it is that Bristol touts being an abstinence activist when her partner’s words of motivation before a performance are “just give me sex for a minute and 37 seconds.” That’s what she said? Aside from that, because I do feel like I am going straight to hell for picking apart every action of a teen mom, Bristol was just all wrong here. I don’t care if she made the most progress. She is not a performer and it gave the competition a weird vibe. If Brandy had been there, it would have been exciting to see who came away with the mirror ball. Here, all I felt was relief when Bristol lost. It was weird. I wasn’t into it. I wanted Tom Bergeron to comfort me.

Bristol “don’t retreat, reload” man-hater Palin had no place in the finale. She had no musicality, didn’t deserve 9′s from Len, and more importantly, had a bad attitude. This dancing show isn’t about “haters” out there rooting against you, and your motivation for winning shouldn’t be to give a “huge middle finger to all the people out there who hate my mom and hate me.” Bristol, help me help you. Don’t bring up your mom, and don’t be snarky. She got to where she was based on popularity, not on talent or qualifications. I’m still talking about Bristol here. I just didn’t get the voting process no matter how many times Tom explained it, and I didn’t get the judges’ never-ending praise. Why was Carrie Ann giving her so much credit for dancing in a cage during Cell Block Tango? It’s not like she built that cage with her mama grizzly hands, and it seemed like she would rather be anywhere else in the world, but she would be damned if she let the haters win by not dancing in a cage.  I get that she’s a kid and is way out of her comfort zone, but it just didn’t make any sense for her to be there. She didn’t deserve it. Even Bruno was like, uhh you are in the effing finals, act like you care. Sort of.

I don’t want to be crazy and talk about Bristol any more. She played her part and it is what it is. The right woman won and Derek won his third mirror ball in a row. Pretty impressive and well-deserved. Now let’s all get over it, watch Dirty Dancing for the 203948th time, and see Burlesque because Xtina still has one of the best voices ever. Count it.

Need more Dancing With The Stars?  Read Kelley Lynn‘s opinion, “On the Grand Finale of “Dancing With the Stars,” it’s the 4th Quarter, the Bases are Loaded, and it’s the Last Dance …” here.   

Season 11, Week 10: Season Finale and Winner Announced (originally aired November 22 and 23, 2010)

For more on Dancing with the Stars, click here.

Mondays at 8/7c, Tuesdays at 9/8c on ABC.

Photographs courtesy of ABC, Adam Larkey

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On the Grand Finale of “Dancing With the Stars,” it’s the 4th Quarter, the Bases are Loaded, and it’s the Last Dance …

Tonight marked the end of Season 11 of Dancing With the Stars, and as usual, the show went out in classic mirror-ball glitz and glitter fashion, featuring a 2-night, two part dancing extravaganza. Would Bristol Palin win and shock Americans everywhere? Would Kyle Massey, who said of the final show “it’s the 4th quarter; the bases are loaded …”, take the trophy? Or would Jennifer Grey come out on top and steal the prize? Tom Bergeron expressed his feelings on the voting controvery with his usual humor, by saying: “If you don’t vote, then don’t complain …and please, don’t shoot your TV.” I’m going to miss you Tom.

There were a lot of “lasts” in this evening’s fun, yet emotional showdown. This is the last time  this season that I can share my special relationship with the delightfully smart and funny host Tom Bergeron. The last time he will comment on this review, or retweet it on Twitter. The last time we will hear that annoying, yet catchy DWTS theme-song. The last time we will hear Bristol Palin introduced as a “Teen Activist for Pregnancy Prevention” and try not to giggle. The last time judge Bruno Tonioli will stand up and flail his arms all about in an enthusiastic fury, practically knocking over Len Goodman. The last bizarre, too sexual comment to a contestant from horny judge Carrie Anne Inaba. The last poop yogurt bathroom break during commercials for Jamie Lee Curtis. The last time Brooke Burke will ask the contestants: “How does that feel?” after their scores. And finally … tonight marks the last time I can mock all of these things on the show with love and affection. Well, at least until next season begins.

Night one of the 2-part finale featured two dances for each of the three couples remaining. First up was “The Redemption Dance” – this is where each pair got to choose the dance that they felt they performed or scored weakest on the first time around, and re-invent and improve it. The second round was the now famous, and, for most people, favorite part of the season – “The Freestyle Dance”. This is where the pairs do whatever they want; any music, any style, anything goes. This dance is usually the highlight of the season for most couples, and expectations are high. Let’s break it down one last time…

1. Kyle / Lacey:

Redemption Dance: After some help from judge and dance expert Len Goodman during rehearsals, Kyle improved his Foxtrot greatly, and the result was excellent. Scores: 9/9/9

Freestyle Dance: They chose the song “Tootsie Roll”, and danced a BLAST of a hip-hop, street-style type dance; filled with fun lifts, breakdancing, and floorspins. Costumes were yellow and colorful, and Kyle looked like The Fresh Prince of Bel Air in his bright yellow attire and backwards hat. Despite Len’s unintentionally hilarious comment of “I’m not a great lover of the boogaloo dancing” (WHAT???), this might have been my all-time favorite routine by them. It just totally showed off who they are and Kyle’s fun spirit. This kid has totally grown on me, and I still don’t know who the hell he is. Loved, loved, loved it. Scores: 10/9/10

2. Bristol / Mark:

Redemption Dance: This pair chose to re-do their Jive number, minus the monkey suits this time around. It was a vast improvement from the first time they did it, and Bristol for once actually had expression on her face and looked like she was having fun. Loved their costumes and the light, fun choreography. Although I think Carrie Anne’s comment of “you never cease to amaze me!” was a bit over the top, this was a huge improvement on Bristol’s part. Bruno’s help during rehearsals seemed to really do the job. Scores: 9/9/9

Freestyle Dance: Mark chose the fantastic number “He Had it Comin” from the Broadway Show Chicago. Bristol said during rehearsal footage that she had never heard of the song, nor the show; and most shocking of all, that she has never been to a broadway show. Whaaaaattt??? Girl, you need to get out of Alaska more often and go see some theatre! Anyway, once I got over that bit of information, I was able to enjoy Bristol and Mark’s animated and theatrical rendition of this classic modern song. In my mind, this was definately Bristol’s strongest dance of the season, and she actually got into the character and did something I’ve yet to see her do … she acted. I actually thought the judges scores were a little bit too low this time around for this performance. I think she deserved all nines here. However, I am willing to overlook this, seeing as how she really shouldn’t have made it this far in the first place; and taking into account all of the too-high scores for Bristol dances in the past. Scores: 8/9/8

3. Jen / Derek:

Redemption Dance: Their Pasa Doble was simply amazing. This was redemption at it’s finest. Len Goodman stood up for them and clapped, something he does not do often; and Bruno exclaimed weirdly: “From dusk til dawn, I don’t want this night ever to end!!!” Neither do I Bruno … neither do I. Scores: 10/10/10

Freestyle Dance: For their freestyle, Jen and Derek chose the song “Mashed Potato”, which is, of course, from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. Another awesome performance. Seriously, this woman just sparkles with joy and wonderfulness in every step. Something about her just makes me want her to do well. This dance was filled with tremendous energy and quickness, including some of the classic moves from the film Jen is most known for. When asked by Brooke why she didn’t choose the title track from the film “I’ve Had the Time of My Life”, Grey said that song was always for her and Patrick, and she wanted to keep it that way. After getting over my initial disappointment of not seeing her dance to that song,  I can totally respect her reasons for not wanting to. Scores: 10/10/10

The second night of DWTS finale began with Tom Bergeron narrating a short video montage about the remaining 3 finalists; Kyle Massey, Bristol Palin, and Jennifer Grey. Tommy B. then attempted to explain the voting process and how it all works with judges votes combined with audience votes and yadda yadda yadda … and everyone on that stage, including him, looked completely and utterly baffled by the explanation.

After that, the show brought back the past contestants that had been voted off and featured them in various performances. Some of the most memorable included:

“The Hoff” returning in a ridiculous Baywatch style dance, complete with girls clad in bikinis, surfboards, and Hasselhoff himself singing …or warbling… through a cheesy, pretty horrific number. The best way to describe this performance is “delightfully painful.”

Kurt Warner vs. Rick Fox in a Rocky themed “Eye of The Tiger” showdown dance number, if you can call what these two do dancing. Honestly, it looked more like a competition for which one is the biggest DORK on the dance floor. The cheese factor was intensely high for this routine.

Margaret Cho and Florence Henderson danced together in a “Copa Cabana” number, which was very funny and extremely silly.

Mike “The Pointless Douchebag” Sorentino (AKA “The Situation”) in a really horrible routine to the song “I’m Too Sexy”, in which he had his stupid shirt off the entire time and basically walked around groping and touching different female dancers. The whole thing was simply a lame excuse to show him with his dumb Abs, and, well … I felt embarassed for everyone involved in this ridiculous trainwreck of nothingness.

Brandy and Maksim recreated their last dance together, which, for some reason, did not seem as impressive to me as the first time around. I am not sure why really.

The 3 finalists then danced two more numbers, which were scored only by the judges, not the audience. In the first round, they each chose their favorite routine from the season and then danced it again. The judges then put them in order from best ,2nd best, 3rd best. The results for this round were: 1. Jen and Derek 2. Kyle and Lacey 3. Bristol and Mark.

The last and final dance was called the “Instant Cha-cha,” and it was one last chance to wow the judges (although I am STILL convinced that the judges scores don’t matter one iota when it comes to the voting, but, whatever…) and improve their overall scores. Each pair was given only about 20 minutes to rehearse for this combined number, and then they would all dance the Cha-cha to the same song; for 60 seconds each.

I have to say that last Cha-cha where we saw all three pairs dancing one last time together on the dance floor, and then high-fiving and hugging each other in a big group immediately afterward, was, for me, the best part of the show’s finale. After all of the controversial voting and the backstage drama and the non-reality of reality tv, THIS is what the show is really about – good old-fashioned entertainment. This show is entertaining and heartwarming – plain and simple. And when the top 3 performers and their pro-dance partners are all in a group backstage hugging and wishing one another well, that is the true spirit of this show. Something about spending 47 hours a day dancing and then dancing some more … it creates a bond for life. Almost every person who has done this show has described it as “life-changing”; and its popularity knows no bounds. And in the end … justice WAS served; because the best dancer won after all.

In 3rd place was Bristol Palin, leaving Kyle Massey and Jennifer Grey as the top 2 finalists in the last few minutes of the show.

Finally, with .0003 seconds left in the show, the announcement was made. The NEW Dancing With the Stars Season 11 Champion is ………

JENNIFER GREY AND DEREK HOUGH!!!!

Sing it with me everyone … Now I’ve Had the Time of My life ….and I owe it all to you…….

Congratulations Jen and Derek. So very well deserved. Like I have said from day one, this show is a master at manipulation, and I cannot stop watching it. Thank you for another entertaining season. It will be hard to top this one, but I have a feeling you will find a way. Thank you again to Tom Bergeron, for reading and supporting these reviews, and even throwing me a few comments along the way. You are truly a class act. As for everyone who has read my reviews on this show, it has been a pleasure writing them for you; and I look forward to seeing you VERY soon for my next reality-show review adventure. Although it’s not set in stone yet, here is a hint: SEACREST! (Okay, that’s a pretty big hint…)

Until then … please enjoy watching people you have never heard of in your life fall on their ass, on the new DWTS spin-off Skating With the Stars.

Yeah right. As if anyone is going to watch that crap.

Need more Dancing With The Stars?  Read Liz Cooper‘s opinion about the finale, “My Calls Won’t Go Through,” here.

Season 11, Week 10: Season Finale and Winner Announced (originally aired November 22 and 23, 2010)

For more on Dancing With the Stars, click here.

Mondays at 8/6c, Tuesdays at 9/8c, on ABC.

Photographs courtesy of ABC, Adam Larkey.

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