Chuck Review: I Bet I Know How He Likes His Waffles

Linda Hamilton is missing! Summer Glau is here! (Seriously, calm down). J.K. Simmons is, bizarrely, fronting the new Farmer’s Insurance commercials. Is everyone from Oz selling insurance now?

Overly-long scientific testing montage. No one knows what’s wrong with Chuck. Back at the Buy More, Chuck’s fellow employees (all of whom have serious end-stage cases of Douchebag Hair) finally catch on to the recent chain of Gretas – not to mention Chuck’s newfound introspection. Their conversation is cut short when Sarah does a sexy-slow-motion walk into the store with a nice wind machine assist. The wind machine bears bad tidings: not only is there no sign of Chuck’s mother, but Chuck himself can’t manage to bring back the Intersect. After a month out of the field, Jayne – I’m sorry, he’ll always be Jayne – has an “itchy trigger finger.” He also looks terrible in green polo shirts.

Agent Jim Rye – Rob Riggle in all his beefy, tweed-enshrouded, sportcoated glory – tries to help jog Chuck’s memory by attacking him with ninjas. Also slapping him. It’s not super effective, but I’m mildly amused, so I’m sticking with it for now.

Buy More’s Thing One and Thing Two, whose names I cannot possibly be expected to remember, follow Greta/Summer/River to the break room where they are treated to the most blatant Subway product placement this side of The Biggest Loser. She pulls out a blade and Things One/Two disperse. Back home, Chuck wangsts over whether or not he can be a spy without the Intersect to Sarah. When she slips away for some warmer massage oil (!) Jim sneaks in the window with some katanas and a misguided theory about the Pure Fear of Death (PFOD to you). It doesn’t work – no Intersect yet – but it gives them all an idea. Chuck’s going to go on an “incredibly violent” mission throwing a diamond auction in Gstaad. And he’s going alone. Well, alone except for Rye and his cozy sweaters.

Fifteen minutes in and Sarah actually says “Chuck, don’t be a hero. Just come home to me.” It’s not too early to open the Chardonnay, right?

Gstaad! The Alps! “Isn’t being a spy awesome?” Jim Rye’s turtleneck/beard area asks Chuck’s anxiety. Chuck actually agrees. He gets to wear a tux, the chocolates are especially milky, and international band of “psychopaths” aside, Switzerland’s not treating him too badly yet. Jim briefs Chuck on the motley assortment of European criminals who are likely to follow and kill him if he wins the auction, then leaves. Chuck loses the bid after realizing the threatening Russian behind him is in fact a real threatening Russian and not another of Jim Rye’s tricks, but plans on sticking around to steal the diamond while the money is transferred.

More importantly, I cannot get over Thing One’s HAIR. He looks like Billy Ray Cyrus. It’s awful. All the Buy Moreians are getting in a huff over New Greta’s sexy/scary efficiency, but I can’t understand how they can get anything done without holding Thing One down and shaving until they hit bone.

More tests for Chuck! He’s thrown in a freezing chamber, but no flash. Inside the vault, Chuck and Jim realize that the diamonds are all fake, thanks to the online gemology class Chuck took on the flight. They’re full of microdots carrying sensitive state secrets. Also, Sarah is probably why Chuck can’t flash. “Are you a spy, or are you a guy with a spy girlfriend?” Because, you know, there’s nothing worse than having a girlfriend with a job that’s more important than yours.

Greta has promised to knife Things One & Two if they pester her again – worried about compromising her status – and luring her to the Cage with a Subway sandwich definitely falls under the category of pestering. There’s some brandishing, some hair-related insults, and then Jayne saves the day by pretending to fire Greta for stealing head massagers. That doesn’t explain why she has a tail, though.

Sarah lands in Gstaad! Chuck goes on the mission without her! Jayne defends his team to an angry, departing River! Sarah keeps using her cell phone while driving!

Mexican standoff in the Swiss gondola. The Belgian has decided that the secrets in Chuck’s head are more valuable than the information on the microdots, and Chuck nearly flashes. There’s some fighting, some gondola-clinging, an obviously depleted special effects budget, and the Belgian shoots Rye right through the turtleneck. Chuck is so kidnapped. If only there were a ragtag band of misfits willing to defy official orders in order to save him!

Next week: a ragtag band of misfits willing to defy everything in order to save Chuck!

For another opinion on this episode, check out Do What You Are Afraid To Do by Inisia Lewis.

Season 4, Episode 8: Chuck vs. The Fear of Death (originally aired November 15, 2010)

For more on Chuck, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C on NBC

Images courtesy of NBC Universal.

Video: New Green Lantern Trailer (Full)

Check out the trailer for the new Green Lantern staring Ryan Reynolds below.  Make sure you follow us on Twitter (@Poptimal) and visit our website for info, advance screenings, and free gear from your favorite movies and television shows.

Review: “Dancing With the Stars” Week 8 Proves Bristol Right: “Doggonit! You Might As Well Dance!”

Strap in folks, this one’s gonna be good. Because this week’s voting results on DWTS were SO “out of right field” shall we say, let’s go backwards and start … at the end. Are you ready? (and if you’re one of those idiots who yells at people for giving “spoilers” online when the show aired 3 days ago – stop reading now. This is a review. It’s going to be filled with what happened on the show. So deal with it.)

Here it is: in Week 9 of the Semi-final Round of DWTS, Brandy got the ax, and your top three dancers are Kyle Lacey, Jennifer Grey, and Bristol Palin. I feel the need to re-type that so I know that it actually happened: Bristol Palin is in the Top 3. Bristol Palin – who has the expression of a wall, the personality of a paper plate, and the dance skills of Bristol Palin, is in your Top 3, and I’m starting to really think she will win this show.

On the short end of that stick we have Brandy. Those of you who have been reading my reviews know by now that I do not like this girl at all. I find her abrasive, conceited, and a complete overacting, over-emotional, often phony drama-queen. However, THE GIRL CAN DANCE! If anyone deserves to be in the Finals, it is her. I mean, she is actually pretty incredible. Plus, to add more salt to the wound, Brandy received her first perfect 10 scores this week, and danced her strongest performance. And if you think I’m the only one who is angered by Bristol still being on the show, think again. Watch last night’s results show, and take a look at the expression on the other dancer’s faces when it is announced that Brandy is going home. The look on pro-dancer Derek Hough’s face is especially priceless. But every single person on that stage, except Bristol, who is expressionless, has a look of “What the F*&$#% just happened?” Brandy looked the most shocked of all as she cried through her mini-interview with Tom Bergeron, and the “you got the boot” montage of her memorable moments on the show.

Viewers at home were just as shocked and upset at the outcome of the voting. As one extreme example, take a look at this guy, who actually shot his TV in protest of Bristol Palin’s dancing. Sure, he is bipolar … but that is still pretty hilarious. I just hope it wasn’t a flat screen HD.

In the end, this all goes back to what I’ve said from the very beginning: Dancing With the Stars is a master at manipulation television, all tied up in a pretty package of harmless, cute dance numbers, mirror-ball trophies, and sparkly costumes. Don’t let them fool you with their “who, US?” routine. Trust me. From who they chose to cast on the show, to what music they give them, to all those rehearsal montages of each star made to make us feel a certain way about them, this show knows EXACTLY what it’s doing. Controversy creates ratings. Getting people angry creates ratings. Showing Sarah Palin in the audience and in several montages over and over again … creates a reaction, which creates ratings. Dancing With the Stars is smart and cunning. On the outside, it looks like a harmless, fun, silly dance competition. And it is! But it’s also so much more than that. They are smart because they know exactly how to balance the dancing and the manipulation tactics. They are smart because they know that all it takes for America to fall in love with someone is to see them “shine” and “get their wings” on that dance floor. And they are smart because they also know America loves an underdog.

The Palins are just as smart and cunning for agreeing to be part of the show. This entire thing has been a way to get Sarah Palin’s name and agenda back on the map for her 2012 Presidential Run. Think of it as a free TV political campaign. Step 1. Get your own reality show called Sarah Palin’s ALASKA. Use it to subtley promote your agenda while hiding behind beautiful Alaskan wilderness. Step 2. Have your daughter Bristol go on Dancing With the Stars, the most loved and harmless show in America. Use it to get the message out that Bristol is “just like everyone else”, a regular ole family gal who is still a teen and just happens to have a baby. Get America to fall in love with her, have your Tea Party peeps and your supporters all vote for her, and get her to win this show. Make sure Americans’ thoughts of Bristol go from: “the daughter of that politician who got knocked up” to “the winner of Dancing With the Stars!” Step 3. Run for and win President of the United States.

So, naysayers … tell me again how none of this is political?

I could spend another five paragraphs pointing out how the show treats Bristol Palin compared to how the other stars get treated. How she gets standing ovations after almost every performance and they make sure to show it, how they score her way too high and talk to her like she is made of glass each week and are very careful not to overly-criticize her, how they make sure to get her “Teen Activist Pregnancy …Prevention” Message out there over and over again. But I will spare you the 5 paragraphs, for now. I have to get to the dancing! Not that it matters, of course. Bristol Palin will most likely win this show.

1. Brandy/Maksim:

Round One: The pasa doble was dramatic, sharp, intense. I loved the colorful pants-costume on Brandy this week, and all the reds they had her wearing. This was a great dance, although during the Brooke Burke post-interview, Brandy said the dance was supposed to represent someone being bullied. I did not get that at all. Scores: 9/9/9

Round Two: This dance was simply gorgeous. It looked like an old classic Hollywood movie, and was so very elegant. Brandy glided across the floor, got perfect ten’s, and then got sent packing. Scores: 10/10/10

NOTE: During round two, we were shown videos of each of the stars, sort of a mini-biography of their life and adversities they have faced, etc. Brandy’s video talked about the incident in which she caused a 4-car pileup which resulted in a fatality of one driver. The car accident was just that - an accident, but this video made it seem like Brandy was the poor victim here. I’m sorry, but this was a hit-and-run, technically, since Brandy left the scene of the crime and later apoligized through her publicists for the accident. This video went on and on about how “strong” Brandy was for getting through this, etc. This is exactly why I don’t like her. This is not about YOU. What about the person who died? What about the family that lost their kid? Yet, somehow, you make it about you and how YOU got through this. I’m sorry, but that is so lame. If she had said something in this video about how this still haunts her today because this person’s life was taken, or ANYTHING about the actual victims in the accident, then I could respect her. But no. Instead, she used the time to talk more about herself and her own stupid journey. She just puts a bad taste in my mouth.

2. Jen/Derek:

Round One: Their cha-cha-cha was fun, playful, and I couldn’t take my eyes of Jennifer and her movement. In my eyes, she should be the ultimate winner on this show. She is really, really good, and so darn likeable. Plus, she has that magnetic personality and aura about her that just makes you want to keep watching her dance. If not, why would Jamie Lee Curtis show up week after week to watch her friend dance? She is either really good, or DWTS has the best restrooms in L.A. so Jamie can take her  frequent yogurt poops. Judges Scores: (on the dance, not the poops) 10/10/10

Round Two: Jen looked gorgeous in this beautiful flowing dress, and this waltz was just as lovely. It had elegance, sparkle, and passion. Like Len Goodman said “Sometimes less is more, and that was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.” Scores: 10/10/10 Two perfect 10′s in a row for Jen! Brooke Burke actually asked them TWICE “How do you feel?” in her dopey post-interview. I think I counted her asking the question a record 11 times in this episode, since she had a lot of double “How do you feel’s” with the same couple. It’s okay Brooke. We can’t all be smart.

3. Bristol / Mark:

Round One: Oh for the Love of Bristol, does it really matter how she danced? That it was the same crap we have been watching for weeks now, yet slightly improved and contained approximately 16% expression instead of the usual 0%, or that the judges totally overscored her once again with 9/9/9? Or that the audience stood up and cheered once again, as if what she just did was mind-blowing, instead of just slightly above mediocre? No, not really, since we all know she is now in the Top 3. So there ya go. Did you notice, though, how they used her rehearsal footage to have this “spontaneous” (which, of course, means totally planned for cameras) conversation:

Mark: I know people are saying that you’re only here because of who your mom is or the Tea Party or whatever, but I really think it’s because you are so genuine and people like you.

Bristol: Yeah. No offense to anyone else, but I’m not fake.

Um, okay. So what are you saying? That Jen IS fake? That Kyle is fake? That Brandy is fake? (Okay, well Brandy IS fake, so Ill give you that one.) I don’t know what she meant by that comment exactly, but it sounded very much like a dig to me.

Round Two:  Welcome back Bristol!!! THIS is the expressionless, lifeless drone I know and love! This waltz should have been titled “Dance With a Dead Person,” because it literally looked like Mark was dragging a dead body around the dance floor. Look into her eyes people! They are a soul-less dead zone of void nothingness. A blank canvas of “HUH?” It is quite humorous actually. Until she wins. Scores: 8/9/9

Bristol’s Biography Video featured more of the same stuff they have been feeding us since day one: lots of clips of Bristol’s Teen Activist speeches, a hilarious comment of Bristol saying “I just want to teach teens that abstinence is a realistic choice” (Is it? Really? Do you REALLY not see the humor in that statement?), and of course, lots of clips of mom Sarah talkin’ up her Bristol the Pistol. The video ended with Sarah telling us why Bristol decided to do the show. I’m paraphrasing here, but it was something like: “She came to me one day and said Mom, they can try and bring me down and they may say mean things … so Doggone it! I might as well dance!” Yes Bristol, you do that. And Doggone it, I might as well throw up.

4. Kyle / Lacey:

Round One: Their samba was very fun, silly, and extremely entertaining. Buno called Kyle a “bouncing bundle of joy” which was hilarious, and horny Carrie Anne liked the “bounce and pelvic action.” Down girl! This was a great dance, but once again, they have given these two the WORST costumes imaginable. I swear the costume department has something against them, as this week, Kyle seemed to be wearing the famous “Puffy Shirt” that Jerry wore on The Today Show in that classic Seinfeld episode. Scores: 10/9/10

Round Two: This argentine tango was awesome. Kyle has really improved a lot since he first got on the show. His personality and fun-factor has always been strong, but now his technical dancing and footwork is a lot stronger as well. All the leg and foot movements required in this dance showed off his ability to move around as if his legs are made of jelly. Scores: 10/9/10 – Brooke Burke also asked these guys TWICE “how do you feel?”, once before the scores and again after.

As for Kyle’s Bio Video, it wasn’t anything dramatic, I’m just happy they showed it so that I can finally have some idea who the hell he IS.

I am expecting the Top 3 Show to be great next week, although it would have been better had Bristol gone home last night, followed by Kyle, with the top 2 Finalists being Jen vs. Brandy. That is what should have happened. Instead, we are going to have to see whether America chooses the goofy, fun, cuddly, Disney boy Kyle Macey; the Dirty Dancing, talented, girl next door comfy Jennifer Grey; or the Teen-Activist, daughter of a politician, “everyday receptionist” Bristol Palin.

As Dancing With the Stars is well aware, the country will be watching, and anything can happen. Doggone it – I can hardly wait!

For another opinion on this week’s episodes, read Sdrawkcab Edosipe by Liz Cooper.

Season 11, Week 9: Round  Performances and Results Show (originally aired November 15 and 16, 2010)

For more on Dancing with the Stars, click here.

Mondays at 8/7c, Tuesdays at 9/8c on ABC.

Photographs courtesy of ABC, Adam Larkey

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Gossip Girl Review: Growing Pains

Love. It’s so difficult to figure out. I appreciate the moves made on Gossip Girl this week, even as they shattered my taped together heart into tiny fragments.

Okay, fine. That’s a tad melodramatic. We are talking about Gossip Girl, but the Chuck (Ed Westwick) and Blair (Leighton Meester) characters do not get enough credit for how well they are written and executed. They’re still drawn to each other, in spite of the fiery death of their love affair at the end of last season. This year we’ve seen them go from fake friendship, to hate sex, to real friendship, and finally, this week, to forgiveness and acceptance.

There’s only one problem.

Apparently, being with each other is bad for business. Chuck’s PR lady believes his business is suffering because he’s lost his bad boy image as a result of his love for Blair. Blair is trying to achieve another powerful woman in society type position, and the interviewer (the long missing Anne Archibald (Francie Swift)), suggests her relationship with Chuck paints her in a less than powerful light. Unable to stay away from one another, they make a silent agreement to keep their relationship a secret. The poo sort of hits the fan when Chuck utters the words “I love you” while in a compromising position. All of the sudden, things get very real, and Blair wants to know if he meant what he said. If he did, is love worth flinging her future to the wind?

Meanwhile, back in the land of Subplots I Hate, The Antichrist (Taylor Momsen), Juliet (Katie Cassidy), and Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) have pooled their dim wits, bad fashion, and unattractive envy and come up with a plan to take down Serena (Blake Lively). Again, I’m not sure how Jenny goes from her high and mighty ‘I’m too good for this BS’ speech from like, two weeks ago, to being immersed in the old evil, but we have no choice but to follow the writers where they take us. Jenny steals Serena’s phone and replaces the SIM card, which gives the evil triumvirate access to all of her texts throughout the day. They find out a way to come between her and Blair, and put into action a plan to make both Dan (Penn Badgley) and Nate (Chace Crawford) hate her forever.

Everyone (of course) ends up at Chuck’s masquerade ball, including Blair in nothing but red and black lingerie. Juliet dresses in the same dress Serena is wearing, and manages to lock lips with both Dan and Nate – making them both think she’s chosen them. The guys have made a bromance pact to still be friends no matter what happens, and when Gossip Girl (Kristen Bell) posts photos of Serena making out with them both, they tell her they’ve had enough. End of that story, at least for now.

Meanwhile, Juliet (still dressed as S) reveals Chuck and Blair together at the party. They’ve just had a touching conversation in which Chuck tells Blair he did, in fact, mean what he said. Deciding to go down in flames together, they have a tearful reunion in front of the crowd.

Seriously. The happiest five minutes of my week. I’m aware of how sad that admission is.

Then Anne Archibald lets Blair know, in no uncertain terms, that her being with Chuck will cost her the society clout she craves. Adversely, Chuck’s PR assistant changes her tune, now believing that Blair softens Chuck just enough and wants to set up some photographs of Chuck Bass’ girlfriend.

I knew, the minute the woman referred to Blair as Chuck Bass’ girlfriend, that things were over.

I’m sad, but proud of Blair. She tells Chuck that before she can be his girlfriend, she needs to find her way as Blair Waldorf. They confess their love for one another. She tells him she doesn’t expect him to wait. He believes that if they’re meant to be together, she’ll find her way back.

Really, for an often goofy show on the CW, this is an achingly sad, beautifully executed scene. I might have teared up.

Oh yeah. The girls somehow drugged Serena, sent a text message to the Dean of Columbia (because who doesn’t text the Dean of their University?) withdrawing from school, and kidnapped her in a taxi.

I cannot wait until Vanessa and the Antichrist get theirs. Until that day. XOXO.

Season 4, Episode 9: The Witches of Bushwick (originally aired November 15, 2010)

Mondays at 9/8C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW.

For more on Gossip Girl, click here. Follow Poptimal on Twitter here.  Friend us on Facebook here.

Sneak Peek of Disney’s Cars 2

Poptimal.com has teamed up with Disney to give you access to a sneak peek of the much anticipated Cars 2.  Be sure to check out our site for more information and chances to win advance movie tickets and gear from your favorite movie and television shows.

Genre: Animation/Comedy/Adventure

Rating:  TBD

U.S. Release Date: June 24, 2011

Voice Talent: Owen Wilson, Larry the Cable Guy

Director:  John Lasseter

Co-Director:  Brad Lewis

Producer:  Denise Ream

Composer: Michael Giacchino

Star racecar Lightning McQueen (voice of Owen Wilson) and the incomparable tow truck Mater (voice of Larry the Cable Guy) take their friendship to exciting new places in “Cars 2” when they head overseas to compete in the first-ever World Grand Prix to determine the world’s fastest car.  But the road to the championship is filled with plenty of potholes, detours and hilarious surprises when Mater gets caught up in an intriguing adventure of his own: international espionage.  Torn between assisting Lightning McQueen in the high-profile race and towing the line in a top-secret spy mission, Mater’s action-packed journey leads him on an explosive chase through the streets of Japan and Europe, trailed by his friends and watched by the whole world.  Adding to the fast-paced fun is a colorful new all-car cast that includes secret agents, menacing villains and international racing competitors.

Chuck Review: Do What You Are Afraid To Do

Things got back to normal on Chuck this week, seeing as there was no turncoat mother or villainous head honcho in disguise to worry about. “Chuck vs. The Fear of Death” felt more like a typical episode of Chuck, where there’s a mission and a “one hour-solvable” goal, sans all the mythology and I appreciated the change of pace.

Chuck didn’t have mommy issues to worry about this time either, but since last we saw him, Chuck had unearthed a few Intersect suppression problems and possible solutions. This is where Agent Jim Rye came in, played by Rob Riggle. I learned that Riggle, according to Wikipedia, “is currently a Lieutenant Colonel in the United States Marine Corps Reserve and served in Liberia, Kosovo, and Afghanistan. He is currently a public affairs officer with the New York City Public Affairs unit and is a recipient of the Combat Action Ribbon. Riggle joined the Marines in 1990 after getting his pilot’s license, intending to become a Naval Aviator, but left flight school in order to pursue his comedy career.” There can’t be many Hollywood resumes that look like his. (Plus, I remembered him from his military analysis on The Daily Show.) Evidently, he was made for this guest spot on Chuck. He basically tortured and forced Chuck into facing his fears and even death in the hopes of awakening the dormant Intersect inside Chuck’s brain. The man’s dedication to spydom and serving his country was evident, but his whole aura was extremely jovial and spontaneous too. It was a fun combination. Things may not have ended well for Agent Rye, but I would have been happy to have Riggle around for much longer.

Of course, all the drastic measures Jim took to help Chuck did not sit well with Sarah. It’s hard not to sigh at the fact that anytime there’s nothing big going on in the mythology of the series, the writers decide to rely on the tired plot point of causing “issues” between Sarah and Chuck. I hate that they repeatedly fall back on this device, as if there can never be a normal couple who goes one week without a problem of any kind. However, this was the first time we saw Chuck and Sarah really air out their business in front of their co-workers AND boss. It was a great scene for Yvonne Strahovski, and I enjoyed watching Sarah scream in front of Beckman and Casey that Chuck was not a spy without the Intersect because really it was her emotions getting the best of her. That almost never happens! This time, Sarah was shocked by Jim’s suggestion that Chuck and he go on a mission alone without any backup. Jim knew that Chuck used Sarah as an emotional crutch. Every time that he was in danger, Jim noticed Chuck would call out for Sarah. According to Jim (just wanted to write that since who knows when I’ll get another chance!), she was the reason that he couldn’t unblock his clogged Intersect, and until he believed in himself as a spy, instead of being the boyfriend of a spy, he’d never regain the Intersect. Beckman agreed with her helper spy, however, so the two ended up in Switzerland on a mission to capture the Belgian and his faux diamonds, that actually hid a lot of secret US intel to sell to the highest bidder.

When Sarah figured out that Chuck and his Intersect brain was also on that intel, she zipped over to the Swiss Alps, but it was already too late. Chuck had been captured, unable to flash even in the most death-defying situations, and Jim had been shot dead. She was warned, via cell phone, to not follow, or Chuck would be killed. And that’s how we ended one of the more typical episodes of this season. With a killer twist! I didn’t see it coming for a second that Chuck would remain in danger until next week or that the next baddie would be so Intersect-obsessed. Okay, that I should have seen coming since it was basically all plot lines for seasons one and two. Though it wasn’t the funniest or meatiest episode, I think it served as a fine transition away from Volkoff and Frost, at least until after the holidays.

ON A SIDE NOTE: I’ve officially turned on the G.R.E.T.A. storylines. They’re a simple excuse to bring in guest stars and keep the Buy More relevant. I understand why the writers ran with this idea, but I don’t have to like it. I am way more excited to see Morgan, Casey and Sarah team up to find Chuck, than anything Jeff and Lester had to do this week. Their quest to uncover the truth behind Greta, played by the Summer Glau (Firefly reunion!), was funny for a while but fell flat after about 30 minutes. Maybe it’s because everything happening to Jeff and Lester had already happened to Morgan. (This is not to say that Scott Krinsky and Vik Sahay don’t kill whatever they are given.) Maybe it’s that their ridiculousness should come in small bursts and not as the B-story for an entire episode, even if it involved Casey and Morgan siding with the freaky twosome and kicking the newest Greta to the curb.

For another opinion on this episode, read I Bet I Know How He Likes His Waffles by Mallory Elis.

Season 4, Episode 8: Chuck vs. The Fear of Death (originally aired November 15, 2010)

For more on Chuck, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C on NBC

Images courtesy of NBC Universal.

Dexter Review: I’ll Take It

The fifth season of Dexter has finally begun to show real signs of life as Sunday’s episode provided the most suspenseful, engaging and well-written installment yet. With serious development progressing among all the characters and the overall themes of the entire series receiving consistent acknowledgment, it seems Dexter has managed to maintain its stride despite initial skepticism from loyal viewers. I must say, I’m relieved both Dexter the character and Dexter the show have regained their respective mojo. It seems his mourning period is officially over and our murderous vigilante can now acceptably return to his finely tuned form. No more stern lectures from Harry, no more trips to child psychologists, and no more sloppy kill attempts. Dexter’s back, and this time he has a real partner in crime.

Speaking of, Lumen and Dexter are continuing their vengeful pursuit of her gang of assailants, having fingered Jordan Chase’s head of security, Cole Harmon, as one of the twisted thugs. Dex has gone undercover and is attending one of Jordan’s bizarrely surreal motivational seminars, where he discovers that the thunderously championed message has an uncanny parallel to his own life. Citing the modernization of society as the reason for humans’ deteriorating primal nature, Jordan explains to a transfixed crowd, “We’ve lost touch with our instincts, with what we are.” Dexter can certainly relate, as he’s been unable to properly channel his dark passenger in the wake of his grief and guilt surrounding Rita’s murder. “Instincts are all I’ve [ever] had,” he remarks, and makes note of his own need to “tap into my primal self” and get his act together. Despite his ability to relate to Jordan’s words, Dexter observes the rabid crowd of intent listeners and notes, “I’ve never been around so many people who make me feel normal.” Indeed, the swarms of Jordan Chase followers do have an off-putting, cultish vibe about them, as though they were attending a Scientology convention or a Glenn Beck rally. Creepy.

Lumen, meanwhile, has been doing research on Cole and his own partners in crime and discovers Cole had been dishonorably discharged from the Army after physically assaulting an officer. Other than that, the backgrounds of Cole, Dan the dentist, and Boyd Fowler are proving difficult to uncover. She can’t even ascertain where Boyd went to high school, but Dex helpfully points out, “Boyd probably didn’t see the inside of too many classrooms.” Duly noted. The identities of the other two men in the old photograph Cole had in his house remain unknown, but no matter — Cole is priority number one for the time being. Dexter is caught off guard as Cole approaches him during an intermission and gives him the surprise invitation to speak privately with Jordan at his hotel suite. Both Cole and Jordan remember Dexter from the Miami Metro police station, but what could they want to discuss with him? Surely any questions about the pending case involving Boyd’s barrels of bodies and Jordan’s truck would be best directed toward detectives. Dexter is just as perplexed, until Jordan reveals his knowledge of Dexter’s recent tragedy. Oh, Dexter’s facial expression seems to convey. That.

Jordan explains how he’s developed a theory regarding our primal instincts’ reaction toward sorrow and grief (or something like that), and that he’d like to talk to Dexter about it at a future date. Um, okay. Jordan then makes an interesting comment about finding the Trinity killer “fascinating,” but is quick to add he doesn’t sympathize with him. Trinity? Fascinating? That sounds familiar. “I wonder what else we have in common,” Dexter wonders. Jordan’s knowledge of Dexter proves deeper than originally implied when he hands him a gift bag of Jordan Chase merchandise and a baby onesie with the phrase “Born Primal” printed on the front (ha) is included with the swag. “Something in there for Harrison,” Jordan proudly points out. Again, creepy.

The fallout from the disastrous sting operation at Club Mayan is taking its toll on the department, as a flustered LaGuerta attempts to evade the droves of reporters clamoring for info. Batista makes the helpful announcement that the two innocent bystanders killed in the chaos were hit with the Fuentes brothers’ bullets and not Miami Metro’s. Well, that’s something. Regardless, LaGuerta warns the team of impending “consequences” and Officer Manzon is convinced she’ll be thrown under the bus due to her relative inexperience on the force. Deb tells her not to worry since she was only following LaGuerta’s orders, then grills Batista on the contents of the incident’s police report. He admits he hasn’t written it yet, and isn’t sure what to include. “How about the truth?” Deb shoots back, knowing Batista will have a problem placing blame on his wife even though the shootout was HER FAULT. LaGuerta, meanwhile, has already retreated to her office to hide. Pathetic.

Deb later confronts LaGuerta when it’s revealed Manzon will indeed be placed on disciplinary leave. “I need to put a face on it,” LaGuerta weakly explains, essentially outing herself as a spineless twit of a police lieutenant. Too late, LaGuerta, we already knew that. “What’s wrong with your face?” asks a disgusted Deb. Heh. Deb then unwisely negates her supreme zing by offering herself as the scapegoat, given her position as lead detective. Bad move. She redeems herself by adding that the team needs to “weather the storm” together instead of turning one of their own into a pariah, but I fear the damage has already been done. Oh, Deb. While we know you meant to hypothetically martyr yourself, even planting such an idea in LaGuerta’s mind will surely come back to haunt you.

Lumen is still holed up at Dexter and Rita’s house when she receives an unexpected phone call. Her ex-fiancé, Owen, whom she ditched at the altar mere months earlier and hasn’t spoken to since, announces he’s in Miami and wants to get together. The poor guy hasn’t a clue what Lumen’s been through and she simply doesn’t know how to respond to his romantic, albeit sudden, gesture. Obviously she isn’t at a point to explain the trauma she’s suffered and certainly not her plans to avenge it, but Owen’s offer to travel the world sounds tempting enough to give her slight pause. She meets him the next afternoon and is greeted with plane tickets and stories from back home. “Your parents miss you,” he says, laying it on as thick as wet cement. Owen seems good-natured and earnest enough to have been a good match for Lumen once upon a time, but his almost impossibly milquetoast demeanor (think Cary Elwes in Liar Liar) and clueless approach are no match for the Lumen of today. Poor guy.

As disturbed as Jacob Marley after a visit from The Ghost of Christmas Past, Lumen runs errands for Dexter in a total fog. He had assigned her the duty of picking up supplies to set up Cole’s kill room. Dexter rented the hotel room next to Cole’s, complete with adjoining door and easy-to-pick lock, and plans to nab his prey that evening after Jordan’s seminar (apparently this is a weekend-long event). “A few months ago, I was picking out my wedding dress, and now I’m picking out polyurethane sheeting,” Lumen muses. “It’s funny how quickly you can get used to the supremely weird.” Lumen leaves the store with garbage bags and plenty of plastic sheets, but is so distracted with Owen’s brief reappearance in her life that she backs right into a car in the parking lot. When the other driver turns out to be Quinn’s private eye, Stan Liddy, however, it’s clear this run-in was no accident. Robocop uses the opportunity to nab Lumen’s information and also takes a quick survey of the strange, newly purchased items in her backseat. This guy might turn out to be a real thorn in the sides of our dynamic duo.

Deb awakens to unsettling information on the local morning news, as the grosser-by-the-minute LaGuerta is telling reporters that Deb was the officer in charge of the Club Mayan sting and will therefore be placed with the responsibility for its failure. I hate to say I told you so, Deb, but…well, you know. She storms into the station to demand an explanation, and discovers someone on the team agreed to back up LaGuerta’s version of the events – that is, the wrong version. Assuming that person is Batista, Deb tells LaGuerta she had been happy for her when they got married, because she thought it would turn LaGuerta into “a nicer person.” Instead, Deb spits, LaGuerta has “eaten [Batista] alive.” I’m not sure if I’m just finally used to her personality, or if she’s being written in a better light with more compelling storylines, but I’m loving Deb this season. Considering this is a character who formerly couldn’t even appear on screen without an audible groan from yours truly, I must give kudos to the writers and Jennifer Carpenter for turning Deb around. Bravo.

“This is all much easier with a partner,” Dex admits to himself as he and Lumen prepare their hotel room for Cole’s imminent demise. He hadn’t expected Lumen to show up at the seminar, considering Cole’s roving presence, but her shaken composure after Owen’s visit (and the “car accident”) drove her to be of direct assistance rather than spend another night alone. She observes Dexter’s ritualistic behavior as he completes the final touches. The oversize photographs of the pickled women in Boyd’s barrels prove particularly disturbing. Lumen then realizes this clearly isn’t a new venture for Dexter, but a way of life that would continue regardless of their chance meeting. “If it weren’t for me, you’d still be in this room,” she observes. Before Dexter can respond, he hears a woman’s screams coming from Cole’s room next door. He quietly jimmies open the adjoining door and sneaks in, only to discover the woman’s screams are more the, um, carnal variety. Whoops. You’re not alone, Dex — she sounded like she was getting hacked to pieces to me, too. He quickly exits and finds Lumen curled up with her hands over her ears, clearly finding the noise unbearably reminiscent of her violent experience with Cole. Dexter kneels next to her and helps drown out the noise with his own hands, covering hers with genuine sympathy. The sounds of his mother’s murder must have been similarly excruciating.

Since “the screamer spent the night,” as Dexter woefully informs Lumen the next morning, Cole’s murder will have to take place during daylight, right after the seminar closes. Dexter plans to nab him on the service elevator and drag his sedated body into the room before anyone notices he’s missing. This plan is thwarted, however, as Dexter is unexpectedly called to join Jordan on stage during the final stages of his presentation. This is just going all kinds of wrong. Jordan uncomfortably introduces Dexter to the audience as a man who recently lost his wife at the whim of the Trinity killer, and proceeds to grill him about his discovery of her lifeless body. Dexter initially acknowledges questions with one-syllable answers, but soon acquiesces to Jordan’s coaxing and opens up about what it felt like to find Rita that fateful evening. It’s possibly the most he’s discussed her death since it happened, and Jordan’s commentary provides surprising insight. “When the primal self is shattered,” he says, “it seeks a way to be whole again.” Interestingly enough, Dexter’s hunt for Lumen’s attackers is exactly the way he’s chosen to seek constructive solace from his grief – and it seems to be working. The irony of Dexter realizing this in front of hundreds of people at a Jordan Chase convention is more than a little amusing, but the revelation itself is rather poignant. Lumen is watching the interview on a monitor at the hotel lobby, where she was initially passing through on her way out. Unfortunately, Cole spots her and instigates an instant, flailing chase back to her hotel room. Lumen peers out the peephole and only sees the housekeeper in the hallway, but Cole then bursts through the adjoining door and begins to strangle her. Lumen had the good enough sense to try and call Dexter while she raced back to the room, and he shows up in just enough time to tranquilize Cole and ensure his proper death.

Cole, of course, refuses to give the names of the other men involved in Lumen’s attacks (“Huey, Dewey and Louie,” he sneers. Smart-ass.) and meets the end of Dexter’s blade seconds later. Although a little repulsed, Lumen looks relieved to know another name can be crossed off her hit list. Dexter hands her the blood slide as a token of remembrance, and explains how she was right to conclude this must be a lifestyle for him. He even describes his mother’s murder and how he’s been “doing this ever since” because it’s the “only way [he] feels…unbroken.” After Rita’s death, he continues, “none of this made sense anymore,” but his unique relationship with Lumen and their joint project has given him a newfound sense of security. “Is Lumen what will make me whole?” Dexter wonders to himself, pondering Jordan’s theory.

As Dexter exits the hotel with a hilariously elaborate luggage set (guess what’s inside?), Jordan corners him to apologize for the abrupt invitation to come on stage. After a long-winded, hyperbolic justification for his probing inquiry into Dexter’s personal tragedy, Jordan finally punctuates his thought with a curious statement. “It’s what I tell my clients,” he begins. “Tick tick tick…that’s the sound of your life running out.” While we viewers had already concluded that Jordan Chase must be The Watch Guy, this official reveal opens up a whole new set of doors for Dexter and Lumen’s revenge plot. As they dump Cole’s limbs into the Gulf Stream later that night, Lumen expresses concern over this new piece of the puzzle. “We’re going to take down Jordan Chase?” she says, dripping with skepticism. Dexter narrates how the seemingly random events of recent weeks have proved to have an underlying connection, and things are just now beginning to make real sense. “Just let go,” he tells Lumen, as she drops a bag of Cole into the dark Atlantic waters.

The episode ends, however, not on this hopeful note but rather on an ominous one as the last shot shows that pesky Robocop mulling over pictures of Lumen and Dex loading their “luggage” onto the boat. Sneaky. Interestingly enough, Robocop is proving to be a better and more productive detective than any of those knuckleheads at Miami Metro who can’t seem to find their asses with both hands. The despicable LaGuerta evokes serious wonder into how she ever made lieutenant – perhaps her rumored expertise with male anatomy has more truth than previously implied. She and Batista’s marriage, in any case, is not long for this world as it’s revealed Officer Manzon, not Batista, is the traitor siding with LaGuerta. What a shame. Batista, on the other hand, is wisely rooting for Deb. Good for him – not only is he doing the right thing, but he’s better off single, anyway.

What’s interesting about this season of Dexter is that I find myself fixating less on the actual killings and more on the relationships between the characters and what their development means for the future of the show. Aside from Lumen and Dexter’s evolving partnership, Dexter and Deb’s rapport took an interesting turn as she confided in him about her lack of remorse over killing Carlos Fuentes. Their discussion involved the question on whether or not anyone really deserves to die. When Deb asks Dexter his opinion, he replies, “Some people don’t deserve to live.” At what point does murder become justified? Is the fact Dexter’s victims are all ruthless killers exonerate him from ethical implication? Is there a difference between deserving to die and not deserving to live? Questions such as these have been on the table since the first season of Dexter, but it wasn’t until this climactic episode that I realized I hadn’t asked them in a long time.

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Season 5, Episode 8: Take It! (originally aired November 14, 2010)

Sundays at 9pm EST on Showtime.

Photos courtesy of Showtime and Randy Tepper.

The Amazing Race Review: In Search of a Ring

This week’s episode of The Amazing Race was all about Team Chad/Stephanie. Frequent viewers of the show (or anyone who has seen the commercials) may know this team has had their share of problems in the past, every single one of them stemming from Chad’s short fuse and childish fits. Well, those problems are over…for now, as Chad and Stephanie run a near perfect leg that is just the beginning to their “happily ever after.” Also, Jill and Thomas mess up, Nat and Kat get lost, and Gary and Mallory fall behind.

The teams begin this race on a flight to Oman.  The teams arrive at the airport with the same question  – “Where are Chad and Stephanie?” Chad and Stephanie are at this moment living every team’s worst nightmare: oversleeping. By the time Chad and Stephanie awake, it’s two hours after their scheduled departure time and all the other teams have managed to secure their flights. Nat/Kat and Brook/ Claire score a flight arriving two hours before everyone else. Gary/Mallory, Jill/Thomas, and Nick Vicki are on the second flight and Chad/Stephanie manage to score a flight which gets them in ten minutes after teams on the second flight. That ten minutes becomes nil as Chad/Stephanie’s flight arrives early, arriving the same time as the second flight.

While waiting for their challenge to begin Chad takes the moment to propose to Stephanie. This moment is interspersed with Chad’s confessional where he talks about losing his mom after college, missing her, and how he would be giving Stephanie his mother’s ring. All this combined with the actual moment where Chad gets down and asks Stephanie to be his wife creates a mini tear-fest. Stephanie, of course says yes and all the other teams applaud and congratulate the happy couple. I’ve been sort of hit or miss with Chad, he does have some silly fits but overall he shows a willingness to listen to his partner and that gives me hope. They are by far my favorite couple of the race and I wish them well on their union.

But back to the task, Oman proves to be a challenge to the teams’ sense of direction as most of the teams get lost at some point during this leg. Jill/Thomas and Nick/Vicki each sought help from a friendly local to get along their way, but for Gary/Mallory and Nat/Kat this threatened to be their undoing. Early in the task, Nick devalues the use of maps in favor of asking a local; this is a lesson that the other teams would do well to heed. Gary/Mallory were lost for most of the task by way of following a map that lead them absolutely nowhere. After 9 hours of driving they decide to ask a local for help; personally I would have gotten the hint at hour 6. Gary/Mallory and Nat/Kat are in a race for last all episode.

The race for first was between Chad/Stephanie and Jill/Thomas; these two have been riding each other’s heels at every point in this leg of the race. At the water delivery challenge, where the teams had to pump water and navigate the streets to find the house to deliver it to, Chad/Stephanie started out with a lead but were overtaken when they got lost. At the second challenge that had the teams searching for Ali Baba, Jill/Thomas continue their lead by reducing the chance of getting lost and pay a taxi driver to lead them to the next pit stop. Unfortunately for them, though this gets them to the pitstop first, it is against the rules and earns them a 30 minute penalty. This is just enough time for Chad/Stephanie to step up into first place winning a trip for two to Belize. Honeymoon, maybe? Like I said, this is Chad/Stephanie’s leg, and now, thanks to a little divine intervention (via another failure to read the rules) Jill and Thomas are bumped from the lead and come in second.

Nat/Kat and Gary/Mallory are so far in last that by the time they get to the market challenge it’s dark and everyone else has closed. So, the search for Ali Baba became look for the only person that’s still open. With no surprise the teams ease through this. At the pitstop Nat/Kat sneak in a fifth place finish leaving Gary/Mallory in last place. They are eliminated. This is a bummer because I loved Gary and Mallory; Mallory had this endearing down home charm and though the age issue seemed to separate other parent/child teams this was never an issue with Gary who seemed as infallible and steady as a metronome. To see them go out like this truly sucks because they could have gone farther than this. Oh, well, here’s where the teams stand:

1. Chad/Stephanie
2. Jill/Thomas
3. Nick/Vicki
4. Brook/Claire
5. Nat/Kat

Season 17, Episode 10: Ali Baba in a Suit (originally aired November 14, 2010)

Sundays at 8pm ET/PT on CBS

For more on The Amazing Race, click here.

Photographs courtesy of CBS and imdbpro.

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The Real Housewives of Atlanta Review: Don’t Save That Last Dance

This week’s The Real Housewives of Atlanta wasn’t necessarily sizzling in the Georgia sun, but at least we got to watch Sheree fizzle on the ballroom floor as our housewives stared blankly on. That was sort of fun.

Nene continues to have marital problems. She and Greg pretty much sat in steely silence when they were in scenes together. Alas to give back to the world of love, she helped Peter by prepping for his surprise party proposal. I found it really odd that he took Cynthia out and then brought her back to a party where he immediately proposed to her in front of family and friends. Most people would do the proposing personally and in private, not after a girl has already taken off her eyelashes in the car. Then, they’d celebrate and retell their romantic story over and over and over again. Cynthia felt the same way, hoping it’d be a more private moment, but at least “he really nailed it with this ring.” Peter wanted to do it his way and didn’t care if she didn’t like surprises. I wouldn’t marry him, but I think, for this perpetual runaway bride, she fits well with a man who takes charge and won’t take no for an answer. With a “now what?” look on her face, Cynthia vacantly stared at the faces of her guests, wondering if there was maybe a bigger party somewhere else where the real celebration could begin, but no. Everyone was going home, and she was relegated to spending the rest of the night in the bedroom with her fiancé. “This is what engaged people do?!” Cynthia cawed.

No, Cynthia, engaged people do what you did next. Okay, yes, they also do the other private bedroom stuff. But they go wedding gown shopping too! And there’s champagne! Cynthia, her sister and her mother are in awe that they’ve even gotten as far as dress shopping. Secretly, the two still wonder if Cynthia will go through with it at all, but that’s not surprising since Cynthia doesn’t seem to have any visible emotions about getting engaged. And she’s already overwhelmed. She had a heart-to-heart with her mother over her parent’s bad marriage which has kept her from relying on men throughout her life.

Phaedra remained the craziest housewife in Hotlanta. We found her packing for the big trip to the hospital. She reiterated that her “labor is being induced because the baby is fully developed and he’s ready to climb out of [her] vagina.” She also appeared more concerned with what designer duds she’d be wearing instead of the new life being brought into the world. I loved seeing the looks of shock on everyone’s faces at the disgust Phaedra exuded when questions of breast milk, circumcision and umbilical cord cutting came up. (I wish there was a freeze frame for Pheadra’s face when the woman Phaedra hired to help prepare told her that she helped others take care of their own babies the first night in the hospital. That picture would say, “Me?! Take care of my baby?! I thought I could hire someone to do the baby bonding for me?”)

Sheree was typical Sheree, only worrying about, well, Sheree. She opened the show with a big reveal to her two daughters. She fiiiiinally did something for herself and bought an Aston Martin. Who knew how in need she truly was. But the reveals didn’t stop with just her “rewards to herself” for all that hard sacrificing she does on a daily basis. She would also appear on Dancing Stars of Atlanta to raise money for charity. Wow, a selfless act that she was bound to make all about Sheree. Kudos to her ballroom choreographer and partner for keeping a smile on his face while she was grimacing, repeatedly saying “oops” and not paying attention at all. Judge Michael was not happy with her commitment and lack of sexy. No one was impressed by the Glam team she brought to the event either, so when they needed to kick her out and into a public rest room, they had no problem giving the hard direction. Move. Yes, now. (How hysterical was it when Nene ran into her at the sinks!)

Speaking of people in need, Kim decided to redo her daughter Arianna’s room with a price tag of $60,000. The nine-year old was overwhelmed with excitement while her 13-year old sister Brielle pouted and rolled her eyes. She was already disgusted with her own pink, kid-like room and didn’t really care that she has “rooms” (yes, more like a mini flat) bigger than the size of some of my old apartments. This is why you don’t shower your children so lavishly. They turn into ungrateful, little brats who whine and whine until you buy them something equally lavish.

And don’t think Kim can spare pushing away anyone else since she and Kandi are still on the outs. Kandi has a dream artist in Lawrence, who also is a juicy gossip partner. When he spilled that Kim also told him that she didn’t like the track, Kandi was livid. Not only was Kim throwing Kandi’s work back in her face, but she was also going around town dissing her. I love these “oh, no she didn’t” moments. When the two finally met up at Sheree’s Dancing Stars of Atlanta charity event, it was mostly awkward silence.  Once again, prime fight time wasted! But it was about charity so I guess I can support making love and not war. But then why not make love and not greed?  Sheree’s table of ladies was called upon to make a last minute donation, but Nene forced the group to settle on $20 each and no more. Kandi thought that was a little low but Nene strong armed her, and no one else spoke up!

In the end, Sheree didn’t fall on her butt, and she also didn’t raise the least amount of money. Cynthia was still engaged which is a good sign on the road to that terrifying walk down the aisle. There was no on-screen blowout fight between Nene and Greg or Kandi and Kim. And Kim, even, found her new man Kroy Biermann, another charity dance contestant. All-in-all, it was a good week for the housewives.

QUOTABLES
“You have a glove?” – Tierra.
“You know your mom’s a little extra.” – Sheree

“Some people find it strange that I decorate my office with pictures of myself, and what I’d have to say to you is eat shit and die.” – Kim

“No I have to put lashes on! It can’t happen like this!” – Cynthia

“Girl are you trippin’. Go on upstairs and make mad passionate love to this man.” – Nene

“Sheree and dancing? I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sheree snap her fingers.” – Nene

“I’m a model. I can’t tell if this dress looks great on me or I’m just making this dress look great.” – Cynthia

“I happen to like men who have a lot of personality and I like men who are very real…Greg is not like that.” – Nene

“Do I think he’ll call me, doh? Wouldn’t you call me? – Kim

Season 3, Episode 7: She Can Dance? (originally aired November 14, 2010)

For more on the Real Housewives of Atlanta, click here.

Mondays at 9pm on Bravo

Photographs courtesy of Quantrell Colbert and Bravo.

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The Vampire Diaries Review: Witches Are Just Sissy Warlocks

What would you do if you found out that the world’s oldest and strongest vampire was after you? It’s a hard situation to fathom but The Vampire Diaries‘s Elena tackles the problem by visiting her evil doppelganger who is currently trapped in an ancient tomb and bribing her with blood for helpful hints. Evil Katherine isn’t quite Hannibal Lector but her character certainly got about ten times richer in this episode as she got to tell her life story to Elena while taking shots of human blood as if it were whiskey.

We get to see Katherine back in 1490s Bulgaria when she was known as Katerina and earned a bad reputation for giving birth to a child out of wedlock even though it was taken away from her before she even got to hold it. We then see how she was hunted by Klaus (the aforementioned oldest vampire) for having the Petrova blood necessary to break the curse of the vampires. Katerina was aided by Trevor and Rose (who we met in last week’s episode) but in order to fully escape her fate used the two of them to become a vampire and rid herself of the mortality that Klaus required to break the spell. This ploy worked in saving her skin, but her parents were murdered by Klaus as a result and for the first time we feel a little sympathy for the evil minx.

This is all interesting but the dirt comes out when Katherine reveals that Elena and the moonstone aren’t the only things needed to break the curse. Klaus will also need to sacrifice a vampire (Caroline), a werewolf (Tyler), and use a witch (Bonnie) to break the curse who will also most likely die in the process. So basically the fact that Elena’s bloodline has her destined for this sacrifice also means that her friends will be dying right along side her. I can only imagine how awful that feels so I just hope this girl is medicating herself.

A few weeks back I made a crack that it seemed as if all the African Americans on this show were witches and that tradition continued this week with the introduction of new student Luka (Bryton James) and his father, Jonas (Randy J. Goodwin). Luka immediately has the hots for local witch Bonnie and after an awkward encounter with his dad, he confesses to her that they are in fact witches, errr… I mean, warlocks. They are obviously far too masculine to be called witches. Bonnie seems to be into Luka too, which is nice but poor little Jeremy, who has been trying to make a move on her for weeks now, gets shut out. I’ll say it now that I would be more than happy to comfort his cute self. Just sayin’.

On the other side of town Damon and his new ally, Rose, decide to pay a visit to a noted historian vampire named Slater who is not played by Mario Lopez but rather an adorably nerdy little chap named Trevor Peterson. Slater runs and works in a little coffee shop with windows that block out the sun’s UV rays so that even vampires can sit and enjoy a cup of joe by the window. In this protected setting he shares some bits of vampire history, but before saying anything extremely helpful, the not-so-dead Elijah from last week shatters the windows with a handful of coins that he scooped up from some hippie street musician.

Damon, who wears a ring that protects him from the sun, is totally fine but Rose and Slater immediately start burning up in the light. Damon gets Rose to safety and they end up having sex before Slater calls and informs them that they can break the vampire curse if they are able to get their hands on the moonstone. Sadly, Slater wasn’t just being helpful. Elijah had compelled him to make the call and then compels poor, dorky Slater to kill himself. Insert sad trombone music.

Elijah is not working alone though, it seems. In the room with him when he does Slater in is none other than Jonas, who we can only assume is Elijah’s personal witch, errr…warlock! He has apparently thought of everything. I have to say I’m dreadfully curious if this curse breaking plot-line will last the entire season. It’s interesting and all, but if they complicate it any further it could just blatantly become convoluted and annoying. This isn’t a complaint (yet) but I’m definitely curious to see how long they drag it out. Guess we’ll find out when the show returns on December 2! See you then!

Season 2, Episode 9: Katerina (originally aired November 11, 2010)

For more on The Vampire Diaries, click here.

Thursdays at 8/7c on The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Quantrell Colbert

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