“Dancing With the Stars” Review: Instant Dance is Instant Hit As Competition Gets Tighter

This week’s Dancing With the Stars offered yet another new format to keep us guessing: Classic Ballroom and something called “Instant Dance.” What is this instant dance, you ask? Well, it’s another made-up thing that DWTS came up with in order to keep it’s audience watching; and to fill the two hour time slot as the pairs are quickly disappearing out of the GlitterDome and back into the real world. Except for Brisol Palin, of course. She will never go away. She could come out there and literally stand in place; and the audience would still keep her on the show. And the judges would give her scores of 7′s across the board and call her “brave” one more time. But I digress.

After a couple of weeks of neglecting his duties, my favorite host of all time Mr. Tommy Bergeron (I call him Tommy) came back full force this week with his famous ”LIVVVVEEEEEE!!!!!” call at the opening of the show – which we all know by now is a secret message shout-out to me. So thank you Tommy. I feel the same about you.

Back to the program. This week we once again had two rounds of dancing on the show.  The first round was Classic Ballroom. After the pairs finished their first round dances and got their scores, they chose a random song out of a disco ball bowl backstage that they had never seen before, and had only about 20 minutes or so to rehearse their routines to their new songs. Hence, the title “Instant Dance.” While it could have been a trainwreck, it actually offered up some of the best, most fun dances we have seen all season long, and was an absolute blast to watch. Let’s get to the action …

1. Kyle / Lacey:

Round One: Viennesse Waltz. First of all, what the hell did Disneyboy’s t-shirt say during the rehearsal footage, that was so awful or inappropriate that it needed to be blacked out for the cameras? I am totally curious. This dance offered yet another awful costume choice for Lacey that gave her “dumpy butt”, and some much improved movement on Disneyboy’s end. Horny Carrie Anne practically jumped out of her seat to reclaim her “crush” on this little boy once again. Costumes were a huge fail, dance was well done. Scores: 9/9/9

Round Two:  The pair received the song Good Golly Miss Molly, and danced the Jive to it after only 20 minutes of rehearsal. I have to say this dance was A TOTAL BLAST!!! Wow! Disneyboy can move! I wanted to watch them dance this again and again, it was that much fun. One of the best dances of the season. Scores: 10/9/10

NOTE: Brooke Burke’s stock question: “How do you feel?” was asked right away here with the very first couple, and she continued to ask this question at least 4 or more times during the show. I think we should start a new drinking game: whenever Burke asks “How do you feel?” you must drink. Seriously, get a new question.

2. Jennifer / Derek:

Round One: Danced the Quickstep. Rehearsal footage showed Jen having tendinitis in her knee, and the doctor telling her she might have to stop dancing. Can I just say this happens every single season? EVERY year, at least one person gets an injury, has the doctor visit, the dramatic music, and has to make that “Rocky” -like decision of whether to quit … or keep on climbin that mountain and DANCE through the pain!!! (Cue Rocky theme) I think we all know what Jen decided. Their dance was elegant, beautiful, and, like Bruno said, “vintage classic.” Scores: 9/9/9

Round Two: The pair did a Rumba to Foreigner’s I’ve Been Waiting. In a word? Perfection. Seriously. There was a leg lift in there where Jen held her leg for a few seconds over Derek’s shoulder, that was so impressive and gorgeous, I nearly wept. Okay, I didn’t weep, but my husband forgot all about his obsession with Cheryl Burke for a moment and jumped on the Jen train, exclaiming simply: “She’s hot!” Yes, yes she is. The judges agreed with perfect ten scores: 10/10/10

NOTE: Burke again asked “How do you feel?” They just got perfect tens. How the hell do you THINK they feel??? Really? Also, during Jen’s dance and during the scores, the camera panned to good ole Jamie Lee Curtis about a thousand times, as she once again watched her friend from the audience. I can’t help it, but I keep wondering if during commercial breaks, Jamie Lee sprints to the bathroom for her yogurt poops. I know. It is sooo immature. But this is all I see now whenever I see this woman. Poop yogurt.

3. Kurt / Anna:

Round One: Waltz. Very graceful, quite lovely, and overall well done. Scores: 8/8/8

Round Two: In order to make Kurt get sillier and loosen up more, the producers brought in his kids to watch them rehearse and give them scores. Holy GlitterDome!!! How many freakin kids does this guy have? The door opens and about 97 kids came through it, all cheering on their dad. Did it help? A little. Their Cha-Cha to Hella Good was satisfactory, but Kurt has some weirdass facial expressions going on when he dances. Horny “I need a man” Carrie Anne called it “sex appeal” – but I didn’t see that at all. In fact, he looked very effeminate in his shirt and with those silly, smiley musical-theatre looks he was giving. He is just a total cheeseball. Scores: 8/8/8

NOTE: After their Instant Dance number, this dialogue happened:

Tom Bergeron: I’m guessing this isn’t the last we have seen of the Instant Dance on this show. I have a feeling we will be seeing lots more of this!

Cut to Brooke Burke: I have a feeling we’ll be seeing a lot more of the Instant Dance, Tom!

Gee, ya think??? HE JUST SAID THAT!!! Is there an echo in here? I think those dresses are getting a bit too tight and interfering with Burke’s brain cells. Somebody check on that. Thanks.

4. Bristol / Mark:

Round One: This couple’s rehearsal footage brought yet MORE of Sarah Palin; this time she visits them in the studio with Todd (who seems to have the personality of a doorknob) to watch them dance and tell Bristol AGAIN how proud she is of her. AHHHH!!! Enough already! We get it! You are proud of your little girl, who has a little boy and yet is an “Activist” for Teen Pregnancy … Prevention. You are pushing your new reality show and your wonderful family by pushing yourself on us every chance you get on this silly dance show, because that’s harmless, right? Americans will love Bristol, and they will slowly learn to love good ‘ole Sarah again, too! Right? Wrong! Actually, it seems to be working, since Bristol is by far the weakest dancer and is not only still on the show, but isn’t even in the bottom two week after week. Much stronger dancers are going home, and yet she remains. Somebody please make it stop! Anyway, after having to stomach yet another Sarah Palin visit to the show, the dance itself was much improved for Bristol. She even seemed to have SOMEWHAT of an expression on her face this time around. Well, for HER, it was expressive. Her eyes were a tiny less bit dead. That’s about the best I can do here for honest compliments. How does that feel? Scores: 8/8/8

Round Two: The Samba, to a song called “Mosquenada.” No idea if I spelled that right. Never heard of it, and neither had they. As they danced, it occured to me that Bristol looks like Big Bird from Sesame Street. She always looks so much bigger than Mark, and then those expressionless eyes and her open mouth make her look Muppet-like. This instant dance really showed her inability to improvise to music, and her total lack of musicality. It was off the beat, the timing was bad, and you could totally see her counting in her head. The judges, of course, treated her like she is made of glass, and scored her way too high once again. Scores: 7/8/8

5. Brandy / Maksim:

Round One: The Waltz. So if Bristol Palin is the poster child for expressionless people, Brandy is the epitomy of overdramatic, too much expression. Every single second of all of her dances, her face looks strained with expression, like she is seconds away from dramatic tears or heart palpatations. And whenever she finishes her routines, she gives that “YES! I am THE BEST! I did it! Applaud me!” look, like she just invented electricity. She is a very good dancer and mover, but she drives me insane with her vanity, conceitedness, and general overdramatic nature. Everything she does bothers me. Judges like her though, so what can I say? Scores: 9/10/10

Round Two: Dancing the Cha-cha to Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream“, the pair did a great job with combining movement and character. During the judging, an overdramatic, stupid discussion took place between Judge Carrie Anne and Maksim; where Carrie Anne was angry at Maksim’s choreography because they didn’t actually start “dancing” until a few beats into the song. When Carrie Anne asked why they waited a few beats to move, Maksim replied defensively with: “Relax, don’t worry about it.” Then Carrie Anne continued to harp on this very small detail, and wouldn’t shut the hell up about it. Backstage, the tension escalated further when Maksim told Burke he feels like the pro dancers aren’t being appreciated for working their asses off in the competition and on the show. He has a point. I am not sure whose side to take here though, because quite frankly, Carrie Anne was making a HUGE deal about NOTHING – but Maksim seems like a giant pain in the ass, generally speaking. So, they are both morons. How does that feel?

ELIMINATION SHOW:

Who Should Have Gone Home: Do I even need to say it? BRISTOL THE PISTOL!!! Or Kurt, but the fact that Bristol is never in the bottom two is frightening, because it means she could actually win this whole show.

Who DID Go Home: Kurt Warner. He was definitely one of the weakest. It was time.

There are only four couples left, and this is usually when the competition shines it’s brightest. I look forward to the “freestyle” dance numbers, along with the other fun things I am sure the show has in store for the semi-finals, finals, and the big finale episode.

One more thing: these commercials I keep seeing for the new “spin-off show” Skating With the Stars are making me nuts. This show looks .. well … awful. I actually feel embarassed each time I see these ads that play during DWTS. Talk about stealing an idea! There is no way this show can match the brilliant cheese-factor and popularity of DWTS. We have Tom Bergeron! Who is your host? Wink Martendale? It’s just not gonna work. Sorry. The only fun part of watching that would be seeing some stars fall on their asses – but even THAT isn’t fun, because I have literally NEVER heard of these people before! If you thought DWTS gets D-list celebs, wait til you see the lineup of nobody’s for this ice-fail. It is quite hilarious.

Season 11, Week 8: Round  Performances and Results Show (originally aired November 9 and 10, 2010)

For more on Dancing with the Stars, click here.

Mondays at 8/7c, Tuesdays at 9/8c on ABC.

Photographs courtesy of ABC, Adam Larkey

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Morning Glory – Interviews With The Stars

Sunday night I was able to grab a few interviews with the stars of Morning Glory.

First up screenwriter Aline Brosh McKenna gives us insight behind the script and a look into the characters within the world of Morning Glory.

Next up is the lovely J. Elaine Marcos who plays entertainment reporter Lisa Bartlett. Her good friend Mario Lopez also stops by for a few seconds before running down the red carpet.

Finally the star of the movie herself, Rachel McAdams.

Morning Glory opens nationwide November 10th.

Morning Glory Red Carpet: A Night With The Stars

Sunday night in New York City the stars of Morning Glory took to the Red Carpet to promote the movie. Everyone from the director Roger Michell to stars Rachel McAdams, Harrison Ford, and Diane Keaton were there to talk about the film.

Screenwriter, Aline Brosh McKenna (The Devil Wears Prada, 27 Dresses), was able to give us a better understanding of the characters and how she came up with the idea for the script.

“It was an opportunity to write about a young woman who is an underdog and sort of been underestimated.  She is a little of an outsider in the world she is in. I always found the morning news world to be very funny because they would have to do all different kinds of stories from really serious stories to cooking stories to fashion stories. I always found that to be a funny world to throw a character into. And then to do a story about a more traditional old school news man whose forced to do those stories, ‘fluffy stories’, that he doesn’t want to do.”

In regards to working with Diane Keaton again, McAdams said, “You can’t not bring your A-game when she’s in the movie. She’s incredible. I don’t know, it was weird from going from playing her daughter to playing her boss. That was really strange, but she’s amazing and I just love her.”

Finally there was the ecstatic and energetic J. Elaine Marcos who plays Lisa Bartlett, an entertainment reporter, who is “really unqualified for her job” as Marcos put it. When asked how it felt working with McAdams, Keaton, and Ford, Marcos only had good things to say. “They are extremely talented, professional, and so kind. They are so warm and receptive and so sweet that it made my job being feel a lot more comfortable. They are definitely very honest, they’re professionals.” Fans can see more of Marcos in Priscilla Queen of the Desert on Broadway this March.

For those looking for a fun romantic comedy or a date movie, look no further than Morning Glory.

 

Morning Glory opens nationwide, November 10, 2010.

Morning Glory Premiere Morning Glory Premiere	Morning Glory Red Carpet Premiere Morning Glory Red Carpet Premiere	Our Junior Editor, Bilal Mian Our Junior Editor, Bilal Mian
Alice Callahan (Gossip Girl) posing the the red carpet Alice Callahan (Gossip Girl) posing the the red carpet	Alice Callahan (Gossip Girl) Alice Callahan (Gossip Girl)	Morning Glory Premiere (Red Carpet) Morning Glory Premiere (Red Carpet)
Rick Younger Rick Younger	Mario Lopez talking it up w/ Poptimal.com Jr. Editor Bilal Mian Mario Lopez talking it up w/ Poptimal.com Jr. Editor Bilal Mian	Mario Lopez Mario Lopez
Mario Lopez and J. Elaine Marcos at the Morning Glory premiere Mario Lopez and J. Elaine Marcos at the Morning Glory premiere	The sexy J. Elaine Marcos plays Lisa Bartlett The sexy J. Elaine Marcos plays Lisa Bartlett	The funny Ty Burrell (Modern Family) The funny Ty Burrell (Modern Family)
Ty Burrell (Modern Family) making his way down the red carpet of Morning Glory premiere Ty Burrell (Modern Family) making his way down the red carpet of Morning Glory premiere	Diane Keaton rushing over to talk with our Jr. Editor, Bilal Mian Diane Keaton rushing over to talk with our Jr. Editor, Bilal Mian	Patrick Wilson plays Rachel McAdams' love interest in "Morning Glory." Patrick Wilson plays Rachel McAdams' love interest in "Morning Glory."
"Morning Glory" movie producer J.J. Abrams "Morning Glory" movie producer J.J. Abrams	Rachel McAdams (Time Traveler's Wife, Sherlock Holmes) being interviewed by Poptimal.com Rachel McAdams (Time Traveler's Wife, Sherlock Holmes) being interviewed by Poptimal.com	The talented Rachel McAdams on the red carpet of the Morning Glory premiere The talented Rachel McAdams on the red carpet of the Morning Glory premiere
Rachel McAdams posing for our cameras on the red carpet (Morning Glory) Rachel McAdams posing for our cameras on the red carpet (Morning Glory)	Rachel McAdams showing off her outfit on the red carpet. Rachel McAdams showing off her outfit on the red carpet.	Rachel McAdams (Time Traveler's Wife, Sherlock Holmes) Rachel McAdams (Time Traveler's Wife, Sherlock Holmes)
Rachel McAdams posing for Poptimal.com's cameras Rachel McAdams posing for Poptimal.com's cameras	Patrick Wilson & Rachel McAdams ham-it-up for Poptimal.com's cameras Patrick Wilson & Rachel McAdams ham-it-up for Poptimal.com's cameras	Patrick Wilson (Watchmen, A-Team) & Rachel McAdams (Time Traveler's Wife, Sherlock Holmes) Patrick Wilson (Watchmen, A-Team) & Rachel McAdams (Time Traveler's Wife, Sherlock Holmes)
Jeff Goldblum, Rachel McAdams, and Patrick Wilson mingle with Poptimal.com on the red carpet. Jeff Goldblum, Rachel McAdams, and Patrick Wilson mingle with Poptimal.com on the red carpet.	Jeff Golblum, Rachel McAdams, Patrick Wilson, and "Morning Glory" director Roger Michell. Jeff Golblum, Rachel McAdams, Patrick Wilson, and "Morning Glory" director Roger Michell.
Harrison Ford, Rachel McAdams, Patrick Wilson, and Roger Michell Harrison Ford, Rachel McAdams, Patrick Wilson, and Roger Michell	Harrison Ford on the red carpet of the Morning Glory Premiere Harrison Ford on the red carpet of the Morning Glory Premiere	Jeff Goldblum Chatting it up with our writers at the Morning Glory premiere Jeff Goldblum Chatting it up with our writers at the Morning Glory premiere

Smallville: Interview with Lindsay Hartley

Smallville’s got a new villain in town. This may come as no real surprise to loyal viewers as every week there’s a villain in town but this new chick, she’s crazy and that’s a special kind of dangerous. This week Lindsay Hartley joins the cast of Smallville as the uber-villain Mad Harriet. This chick is lethal, crazy… and, oh yeah, she gets off on the pain.

In an interview with Lindsay Hartley the mad plans of Mad Harriet are revealed, Superman is brought to his knees, and Freddy Krueger does some good in this world, if only for art’s sake.

Keshaunta Moton: You’re going to be on Smallville as Mad Harriet, can you tell me more about that character?

Lindsay Hartley: Sure, Granny Goodness is basically her {Harriet’s} goddess or her hero. Granny Goodness has this team of women that she’s training to help do whatever Granny Goodness wants them to do. Whatever Granny Goodness’ plans are Mad Harriet, who is the leader of these women, will do. My character, Mad Harriet, has a claw and that’s her special gift… it’s powered by kryptonite {Superman’s mortal weakness.} She’s a character who thinks that killing Clark Kent will help fill her purpose in life.

KM: Do you have intense fight scenes between you and Superman {played by Tom Welling}?

LH: I don’t. They’re not intense. When Clark Kent is around kryptonite he’s so weak he’s nothing, he has no strength. He’s like a baby… He’s so weak she just wipes the slate with him. She owns the scene with her power because he’s worthless and has no strength.

KM: I saw a picture of the claw, that claw looks insanely intense, what was your first thought when you saw it?

LH: I loved it. I loved it; I thought it was so hardcore with that. They are real metal blades. They handmade that. It was a real piece of equipment. They modeled it after the Freddy Krueger hand and as you see it, you’re going ‘yeah, that makes sense.’ It helps create the character the more committed the clothing is. And I think costume is a big thing. You’re wearing that, that’s representing your character … that piece is an extension of who she is and I dug it, I loved it.

KM: What would you say was the most demanding part of this role?

LH: There was a fight sequence; I don’t know if it was demanding, we had time before to work on it. Had we not had a special day to practice it… I wouldn’t call it demanding but that was the most intense work I had. I wanted it to look really good.

You can judge for yourself, Mad Harriet debuts this Friday on Smallville. The episode, “Abandoned,” will also feature former Lois & Clark actress Teri Hatcher as Lois Lane’s mother. Smallville airs Fridays at 8 on the CW.

For more television reviews and interviews, click here.

Fridays at 8/7c on The CW.

Photographs courtesy of The CW and Jack Rowand.

Glee Review: Bieste vs. Boners

Disclaimer:  Whatever overarching moral message there is to Glee‘s “Never Been Kissed” episode, I’m pretty much going to ignore it.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

So Sam, Finn, and apparently Tina, aren’t getting any.  As in, any sex.  At all, of any sort.  This can get pretty frustrating for the modern American teenager, so they figure out a visualization technique to calm down when they get all hot and bothered.  Finn’s got one at the outset of the episode, as he’s got an almost vehicular-manslaughter to fixate on, but Sam and Tina need something. Solution?  Bieste, William McKinley’s football coach, who, at least in the looks department is. . . .um, how shall I put this? . . .remember that website hotornot.com? She not.

So Sam lets slip an audible “Bieste” while making out with Quinn, who flips out, cause she thinks that Sam’s boners are being inflated (as opposed to deflated) by the Bieste-ly visions.  (I should probably mention that, as racy as Glee is, there is no use of the actual word boner, or woodies, or stiffs, erections, etc.  That’s all me.)  Quinn seeks Sue’s guidance cause. . .that makes sense?  (Seriously the plot contrivances that Glee embraces really annoy me — I don’t buy that Quinn would really talk to Sue about this, even in Glee satire world.  But Jane Lynch has got to get her lines, so moving on. . .)

Sue suggests that Quinn instigate a public fight with Sam, because Sue figures that she can use this incident to get Bieste out.  And Quinn plays right into her hands.  Schuester sees this, and, after questioning his students, he realizes their whole Bieste-kills-Boners scheme.  He tells them that using Bieste to make your boners go away is mean. And later, after Bieste questions Will as to what the hell is going on with all the weirdness, Will tells Bieste about the kids’ anti-blue balls method.  And Bieste feels bad.  And this is when I groan.  Because. . . .seriously?  I mean, really — on the scale of mean things that teenagers do, picturing your teacher to deflate your penis is pretty damn low on the totem pole.   No one is insulting Bieste, and she’d never know if Will (stupidly) didn’t tell her.  I mean, on an episode of Veronica Mars, a student was forcibly stripped to his underwear and taped to a flagpole.  That’s mean.  This is. . .*yawn*.

The result of all this is that later, after an awesome girl mash-up of “Start Me Up”/”Livin’ On A Prayer” (Mercedes as Mick, Rachel as Jon, and several girls making awesome use of 80s-era bandanas), Becky (who I was shocked to learn is NOT Sue’s sister – Thank you, Diana) runs in to tell Will to go to the auditorium.  Sue’s waiting there, with confetti cans to celebrate Bieste’s plans for resignation.  Apparently, Bieste’s skin is not thick enough to deal with high school male immaturity.

Meanwhile, in other storylines, Kurt is getting slammed into lockers a LOT, by the same guy (who, for the record, is not), a big burly member of the football team.  It sucks.  As in, way worse than Bieste’s complaint of being negatively imagined about.  Kurt is the victim of truly awful, horrible bullying.  Schuester is witnessing some of this abuse, but Kurt pretty much tells Schuester that he’s resolved to just shoulder the burden of being the only out kid at McKinley.  A burden that could, presumably, be lessened if Will would just let him sing with the girls instead of the boys in this year’s boys v. girls mash-up contest, and if not, then could be lessened if the rest of the guys would just sing “Stop! In the Name of Love” the way it was meant to be sung.  But the other Glee fellas aren’t going for it.

So Kurt, disenchanted, visits a private boys’ school, the Dalton Academy.  (Picture the sets of School Ties or Dead Poets Society, only with more blacks and Asians).  While there, he catches the Dalton Academy’s glee club, the Warblers, perform Katy Perry’s “Teenage Dream.”   Basically, a room full of young, impeccably dressed and very well-bodied men cheer and dance to the tune of about a dozen other young, handsome, impeccably dressed young men singing this woman’s pop song while swaying energetically to the beat. And it wasn’t gay AT ALL.  (Actually, it totally was.  Although, relatively, not that much gayer than Glee itself.)

Afterwards, Kurt speaks to a few of the Warblers, including a totally hot one named Blaine.  (I know this review is heavy with the parentheses, but there’s no way I can be a member of my generation without pointing out – Blaine?  His name is Blaine? That’s a major appliance, that’s not a name! Okay, I’m done, I swear).  The Warblers tell Kurt that Dalton Academy has a Zero Tolerance harassment policy.  Kurt’s expression is like, um, when can I enroll? but then Blaine reminds him that the school is expensive, and more importantly, Blaine regrets not having stuck it out in public school and letting the bullies run him out.

And Puck’s back from juvie! I missed him. He informs everyone that he totally ruled juvie, and then takes on Artie as his obligatory community service.  As part of this, he and Artie stake out a corner of McKinley’s school grounds to sing Bob Marley’s “One Love/People Get Ready,” with an open guitar case to collect cash donations.  They make $300.  Not bad.  And they sounded pretty damn good.  Plus, love Puck using a come-together song like “One Love” to exploit a physically disabled friend and manipulate his peers into funding his (likely immoral) lifestyle. It’s a perfect example of when I love Glee as satire.

After their schoolyard ditty, Artie tells Puck that he wants Brittany back.  Puck suggests a double date with he and Santana, which he orchestrates by saying to Santana and Brittany, “You two show up at Breadsticks tomorrow night around 7. And if we don’t find hotter chicks to date tonight, we might show up.”   Which works, because you can’t be a girl like Brittany or Santana and not have low self-esteem.  At the date itself, Puck ends up leaving with both girls, and leaving Artie behind, when Artie refuses to dine and dash.

So, in sum: Bieste is quitting because the students are mean; Kurt is ready to drop out of McKinley because of a very mean bully; and Puck is being mean to Artie.  Someone’s got to get redeemed here by episode’s end, right?

Well, a little bit, yes.  First, Kurt confronts his Bully, cornering him in the locker room and totally daring Bully to beat him up.  So Bully kisses him, cause he’s totally in the closet gay.  And I’m reminded of this fantastic joke. But Bully isn’t exactly ready to come out, so he keeps bullying Kurt – and Kurt’s visiting friend Blaine – later.  And we learn that that sad, pathetic kiss – with a guy who was definitely not — was Kurt’s first kiss.  Well, that sucks.

Second, Puck gets in trouble with a juvie rep because helping Artie apparently does not count as community service.  Upon learning this, Puck throws a fit, slamming the principal’s office door in quite the huff.  Artie talks to him later, and Puck comes clean — juvie sucked and the kids there stole his morning waffles.  So Artie tells him that he will be Puck’s good influence.  I don’t get how this gets Puck out of his community service requirement, but I am down with an Artie/Puck bromance, so fine with me.

Third, Will talks to Bieste about staying at McKinley. Bieste confides in Will that it’s hard being not, and she’s never even been kissed.  So Will kisses her.  It’s sweet.  Totally predictable, and mildly alarming from a professional point of view, but still sweet.

And we end with our fourth musical number of the evening, the boys’ mash of “Stop! In the Name of Love”/”Free Your Mind”.  Bieste is there, cold and stone-faced until the very end of the number, and then says she liked it.  And then my DVR cut the show off, so if something happened after that, it’s news to me.

No Emma this episode.  And very little Rachel.  Who missed them?  And did anyone else notice that the first song didn’t start till about 12 min, 30 sec into the episode? I think that’s a good thing; do you? And is anyone else hoping to see the Hipsters, the adorable elderly people in a continuing education program alluded to by Will as the Glee’s competition in the upcoming sectionals, in a future episode?  Sound off below!

(P.S.  If there’s any high school kid out there reading this who is relating to Kurt’s predicament right now – if you haven’t heard yet, it gets better.  Click the link, hear these stories, okay?  Thanks.)

For another take on this episode, check out It’s Totally Awesome! by Stephanie Jaar.

Season 2, Episode 6: Never Been Kissed (originally aired November 9, 2010)

For more  Glee, click here.

Tuesdays at 8pm on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro.

Glee Review: It’s Totally Awesome!

Plain and simple, Glee was actually rather good. At least, I enjoyed Tuesday night’s “Never Been Kissed” episode. It’s been a while since I’ve both cheered and yelled at the TV within a one-hour time span.

THE CHEERS

Puck is back in all his Mohawk glory! He’s been let out of juvenile detention early under the promise that he’ll be doing community service. Puck’s choice of community service is not picking garbage off the side of the highways (because “that’s ghetto”), but actually taking care of a cripple – in this case, Artie. Puck’s idea of community service is to hook Artie up with Brittany again and teach him some tricks to be “cool.” It’s interesting to watch their friendship develop throughout the course of the episode, and by the time credits start rolling, I see the beginnings of a new bromance.

Kurt is becoming fed up with the constant bullying and being the only openly gay student at McKinley High (about time, too). He learns of an all-boys school, Dalton Academy, and their Glee club, the Warblers, who are shaping up to be some serious competition for the gleeks. Kurt agrees to go “spy” on the Warblers, though it’s clear his ultimate motivation is to get a taste of life outside McKinley.

Now this is where the cheer part comes in: Kurt meets Blaine, a main Warbler and… would it be too soon to call it love at first sight? Blaine is all sorts of awesome and not just because he’s portrayed by Darren Criss of YouTube fame (Is it cool now for me to say I partied alongside him at a Harry Potter convention over the summer? No? Okay, forget I mentioned that.) I cannot wait to see more of Blaine in upcoming episodes!

THE “NOOOOOOOO!”

There’s an awkward storyline where the boys of Glee club (and Tina) find a way to “cool off” during their make out sessions by thinking of Coach Bieste in various situations (modeling lingerie, dancing to ballet, etc). Word about this inside joke eventually travels back to Bieste and her feelings are obviously hurt.

Will steps in to comfort a depressed Bieste who’s just about to quit her job. She really opens up to him and admits that at 39 years old, she’s never been kissed. Say what?! So Schuester, being the Good Samaritan that he is, tells Bieste she’s “beautiful inside and out” and then gives her a smooch. Now, I’m not opposed to Will being a good person, but I hope Bieste doesn’t become too attached to the Schue.

WONDERING WHEN GLEE CLUB BECAME SO RICH

The running theme throughout this episode was the second annual boys vs girls competition. The girls sing a mash-up of “Living on a Prayer/Start Me Up” by Bon Jovi and the Rolling Stones. Now it’s an awesome performance, but what I want to know is where the Glee club got so much money for a wind machine, awesome costumes, and elaborate stage settings? I’m sure the show’s budget has gone up a ton now, but let’s not get too ridiculous.

“Never Been Kissed” was definitely one of Glee’s better episodes. There were some laughs, some inspirational moments, and the shockers. What was your favorite part?

For another take on this episode, check out Bieste vs. Boners by Alana D.

Season 2, Episode 6: Never Been Kissed (originally aired November 9, 2010)

For more  Glee, click here.

Tuesdays at 8pm on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro.

Burn Notice: Q&A with Bruce Campbell and Gabrielle Anwar

Burn Notice is back for its winter season and in a Q&A conference call with Bruce Campbell (who plays Sam Axe) and Gabrielle Anwar (Fiona) the two talk about the dangers of Season 4 to Michael and Crew. And if you think it’s been a rough road for the burned spy, things are only going to get worse and worse…

On what’s ahead in season 4.5:
Things are getting grim for Michael (played by Jeffrey Donovan) and Company and in the season ahead the team learns that the deeper they search to find out who burned Michael Westen, the more powerful, and dangerous, their enemies become. “I think it’s safe to say that we’re going to get more bad guys and we’re going to get worse bad guys because this is getting worse,” Bruce Campbell says of the upcoming season. “Michael Westen’s situation is compounding and he’s in a world of hurt that drags us into it also.” Campbell continues on saying “every episode it seems to escalate.” This is a description with which Gabrielle Anwar agrees, calling it a “continual snowballing effect. We can’t seem to get out of trouble.”

The “crescendo:”
With this rise of danger that the team seems to find themselves in, all this trouble promises to be explosive. And that explosion comes in the last episode of the season which Campbell calls “a jaw dropper.” “The cases come in every week from different ways, but there’s still the through line of Michael Westen’s situation is getting more and more perilous and dangerous and he’s getting more powerful people pissed off at him…” Campbell says. “There’s going to be a big boom at the end of this. There’s going to be a big ‘What the f?’ moment.” Possibilities abound for what a “what the f” moment means, but given Burn Notice’s history of being willing to make Michael Westen disappear in dangerous situations over season breaks, the possibilities are terrifying.

On being vigilantes:
In the black and white world of right and wrong, it’s safe to say Michael and crew live in a wide world of uncompromising grey. They are the good guys who step outside the law for the sake of the greater good. In short, they’re vigilantes. “We’re actually fighting for the right thing, but we just have way different approaches in how to do it,” Campbell says. “We break laws every episode, but we don’t do anything wrong… I think the world needs a few vigilantes, someone who’s out there, who’s willing to step up and go ‘You know what? This ain’t happening. I got to take care of business here.’”

On Fiona:
Running with these boys is not an easy task, that’s why you need someone as badass as Fiona to keep them in line. And this is a task and privilege that Anwar gladly accepts. “I’m truly blessed to be able to step into her shoes every day.” Anwar says, “I love the fact that she really is not apologetic for her inner vigilante.” Campbell adds, “It’s good for womanhood in that it’s just another ass-kicking woman who just steps up and she’s just like the guys…she can take you out as many ways as Michael Westen or Sam Axe, probably more.”

On the challenge of being tough:
But being tough isn’t easy. When asked if they receive any training for their roles, Anwar and Campbell answer with a resounding no. So when it comes down to surviving the 7 months of filming, it comes down to sheer willpower. “I’ve done some action stuff, but it’s always been you figure out the choreography as you shoot it on the given day,” Campbell says. “[But here] you don’t –and in, especially Gabrielle’s case, every week, they’re shoving a new weapon in her hand, something that’s even bigger and bigger… you got to hold it up there and look like the tough guy and that thing’s as heavy as you are sometimes.” Adds Anwar, “In the beginning, I’m like, ‘I can handle this’ and ‘Look at me’ and ‘HEAR ME ROAR!’ And then by the end of the season I’m like a little kitten, whining and meowing.”

Burn Notice meets…

When asked what shows they would like to see Burn Notice do a crossover episode with talks turn to spy classics. Anwar suggests The Avengers and In Like Flint. While Campbell likes the Bill Cosby version of I Spy and Robert Culp, “because now you’d have old school spies, new school spies.” I have seen none of these shows, and when I think Bill Cosby I think Ghost Dad.

On Simon’s Bible and general confusion:
Campbell describes Simon’s bible as a puzzle. “When you put the puzzle together, you step back and you see an amazing picture. So what Simon’s bible does is present the opportunity to see and know everything.” Can you sign me up for that Bible now, because I’m completely confused. At this point that I’m envious of the knowledge that Campbell and Anwar have that this clue doesn’t confuse the heck out of them as it does to me. But perhaps acknowledging the possibility of confusion, Anwar and Campbell admit that it’s sometimes hard for them to keep up with the script. “They’re very dense,” Campbell says. “Sometimes Gabrielle and I will look at each other in a scene and go, ‘Is that guy-how bad do we-do we really hate that guy?’… Because we’re trying to figure out…” “Why did we just kill him?” Anwar finishes. So if you found yourself confused by the twists and turns of the first half of season four, worry not because relief is coming in part two.

On Jesse (played by Coby Bell):
And of course, you want to know what’s going to happen now that Jesse knows it was Michael who burned him. Unfortunately that’s going to have to remain a mystery for now as there is a strict gag order against revealing this. “We can only tell you so much about that stuff because it’s all relevant to what’s happening,” Campbell says before offering “if you have to work together for the greater good, you will… but it’s going to be a long road.”

And that road picks up this Thursday with the winter season premiere of Burn Notice. Want to see Fiona continue to kick butt? Want to see how many people Michael can tick off before he goes missing again? Want to spend every Thursday night with Coby Bell? (Sorry, I went shallow with that last one.) Then tune in to Burn Notice which premieres on USA this Thursday at 10 pm.

For details on how to win a Burn Notice Gift Bag, including a Season 3 DVD set, click here.

For more on Burn Notice, click here.

Thursdays at 10/9c on USA Network.

Photographs and video courtesy of USA Network, Nigel Parry, and Glenn Watson.

The Amazing Race Review: The Ignorance of Youth

It’s almost frustrating to see the puppy love on The Amazing Race. Maybe I’m a misanthrope, but this love-fest, “I’ll help you,” “let’s work together” blah-blah is such a bore. Come on people! The jewel of reality tv is conflict, ask producers of The Real Housewives or Jersey Shore; drama and confrontation a happy viewer make. Producers, if there isn’t any drama among the contestants, start some!  Do you know how easy it is to start stuff in a high pressure situation? One little rumor in the right ear can offer a wealth of the drama this season is sadly lacking. But let’s continue.

This week on The Amazing Race, the teams get a lesson in Russian entertainment. Nat and Kat prove they are awesome at everything, while the eternal battle of young vs. old rages between Michael and Kevin.

The first stop this week takes the teams to the circus. Here the teams must choose between two tasks; the first task involves the teams learning to play a tradition Russian song on the accordion;,the second challenges the teams to spin 10 plates simultaneously for 10 seconds. Teams Gary/Mallory and Nat/Kat choose the accordions. The trick to this challenge is, aside from having to memorize the notes, the Russian song is comprised of three different parts which throws these teams into confusion. Nat/Kat first seem to struggle with the task but quickly get into groove of it by transforming the notes into numbers and then memorizing that. Using this method they quickly finish this task followed closely by Gary/Mallory. On the plate spinning side are Michael/Kevin, Chad/Stephanie, Nick/Vicki, and Jill/Thomas. Jill and Thomas are quick to switch tasks after failing to pick up the rhythm of spinning plates. But after frustratingly trying to memorize the notes they abandon that task as well and complete the plate challenge in last place.

The teams find their next clue which leads them to a tower from which they have to find yet another clue. Written in the clue is the directive that the teams must walk to their next challenge. All of the teams realize this except for Michael and Kevin, because Kevin failed to read the instructions carefully in spite of his father’s direction to do so, and Brook and Claire, who decide to follow Michael and Kevin. These teams break the rules and take a cab to their destination. In the taxi ride Claire re-reads the clue and discovers their mistake, so the team goes back in order to follow the directions and continue on foot. Michael and Kevin remain ignorant of their mistake and continue on.

At the pit stop Nat and Kat are the first to arrive scoring themselves a $5,000 reward. Chad/Stephanie and Michael/Kevin are in a race to stay out of last place but and are each held up. Chad/Stephanie arrive first at the pit stop, but since they did not pay their cab before arriving they are sent back to do so before being checked in. Michael and Kevin have trouble paying their cab fare. They only have 3,000 (Russian dollars) on their 10,000 tab. After their driver refuses to let them simply leave they pay him $40 in American money and then go on their way. They arrive at the pit stop where they learn that because they broke the cab rule two times during the race, they have incurred a 1 hr time penalty before they can be checked in. Stephanie and Chad come back to the pit stop and learn that they too have incurred a cab penalty, but because they only broke the rule once their penalty is half an hour allowing for them to be checked in before Michael and Kevin, officially putting them out of elimination territory. Kevin and Michael are the last to check in and are eliminated. There’s a fun sort of irony to this elimination. Throughout the race Kevin has been worried that his father’s lack of physical stamina would get them kicked out of the race, but even with Michael’s challenges with this race it is Kevin’s own inattention to detail and failure to listen to his father by READING THE INSTRUCTIONS that gets them the boot.

Here are the rankings:
1. Nat/Kat
2. Brook/Claire
3. Nick/Vicki
4. Jill/Thomas
5. Gary/Mallory
6. Chad/Stephanie

Season 17, Episode 7: I Want to Be in the Circus, That’s Where I Belong (originally aired November 7, 2010)

Sundays at 8pm ET/PT on CBS

For more on The Amazing Race, click here. 

Photographs courtesy of CBS and John Paul Filo.

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Gossip Girl Review – Crap. The Devil Has Minions

Yes and no. Up and down. Good and where the hell did that come from?

This week’s Gossip Girl ran the gamut. There were interesting twists, lame writing, the return of the Chuck (Ed Westwick) and Blair (Leighton Meester) chemistry, and at the finish line – a hugely stupid turn of events that I hate with the power of a thousand suns.

I’m getting ahead of myself.

Serena (Blake Lively) is still not dating her professor, Colin. Blair is having gratuitous amounts of hate sex with Chuck. Neither of them approve of the other’s actions and, in true S and B fashion, challenge each other to quit. Serena should quit seeing Colin all together until the end of the semester. Blair needs to quit going to bed with Chuck cold turkey. Anyone who’s watched this show for more than a couple episodes think either of these plans are going to work?

Surprisingly, they do, at least for a minute. It’s not Blair who changes Serena’s mind, though, but Dan (Penn Badgley). That’s right, Lonely Boy has finally decided to crap or get off the Serena pot – and gets the shaft not once, but twice in favor of Colin. What he does do (also in true Lonely Boy fashion), is remind Serena how special she is, and how he would have done anything for her. Colin should have quit his job that he doesn’t even need if he wanted to date her that badly. Serena tells Colin the same thing, in a nicely done, subtle manner, and he does just that – he quits. Poor Lonely Boy.

In the mean time, Blair and Chuck have different ideas of what the best way is to get over their sex obsession with one another. Chuck wants to go the route of total immersion – nothing but sex until they are so tired of having sex with one another they’ll never want to do it again. Blair, on the other hand, backs a detox policy (a “Bassectomy”, lol). Before Blair gives in (and we all know she would have) drama intervenes. We can always count on the Upper East Side for some drama.

Nate (Chace Crawford) finds out Juliet (Katie Cassidy) lied about where she was living and is bound and determined to get to the bottom of her mysteries once and for all. He enlists the help of Vanessa (Jessica Szohr), who until now has been practicing the whole “be the bigger person” philosophy. It’s been annoying me that she’s not defending herself or trying to convince everyone about Juliet, but it is in line with her character. Which is why this week’s episode made absolutely no sense.

First, she agrees to help Nate by stalking Juliet, finding out where she really lives, and breaking in. Second, she finds pictures of Serena kissing Colin on the computer and decides to use them to take Serena down after all. Third, when Juliet has a change of heart, finally picking a relationship with Nate over her crazy but we don’t know why brother, Ben – Vanessa steals the photos. Determined to finally get the better of Serena, Blair, Nate, and Chuck once and for all, she heads to this week’s mass gathering at the NYC Ballet.

Vanessa spills the beans to Nate about Juliet’s secret photos, making her a liar (again) in his wounded, oh so naive eyes. Then, when Juliet tries to talk Vanessa out of showing the pictures to the Dean, things get really strange. Vanessa gets a crazy, Blair-esque look in her eyes, ranting about how they’ll always choose Serena, it’s all about Serena, SOMEONE TAKE DOWN SERENA. It was all very Jan Brady and just as irritating.

The plan goes awry when Chuck and Blair step in to save Serena and Colin’s reputations in front of the Dean, destroying the photographic evidence in the process. Poor Vanessa. Not.

Nate, Serena, Chuck, and Blair surround Juliet in a bullying circle, banishing her from Columbia, the Upper East Side, and anywhere else they have influence. I almost felt sorry for her. Almost.

Serena breaks things off with Colin (why, no idea. She hasn’t shown a lick of interest in Dan or Nate since she met Colin). She calls Dan and asks him to meet her, ignoring a call from Nate. Nate, though, arrives before Dan and professes his desire to try again. Uh-oh. Now Serena has a choice, something she’s almost as bad at as keeping her clothes on. I guess we’ll have to wait until next week – or next spring – to get the answer to this one. Me, I’m a little sick of it and can’t figure out why she’d really want to be with either one of them.

Why didn’t I feel bad for Juliet, you might wonder? I mean, she’s cut off financially, has abandoned her brother, and has been banished.

I’ll tell you why. Because, encouraged by Vanessa (who I’m REALLY starting to dislike), Juliet contacts the Antichrist. That’s right. The Devil in Mascara. Jenny Humphrey (Taylor Momsen) herself. The three of them are apparently going to hatch a little blow Serena out of the water plan all on their own. I’m sure it will fail. None of them are too bright.

Tune in next week. XOXO.

Season 4, Episode 8: Juliet Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (originally aired November 8, 2010)

Mondays at 9/8C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW and Giovanni Rufino.

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Dexter Review: Partners In Crime

The second half of Dexter’s fifth season is progressing at a decidedly quicker pace than the first, as Sunday’s episode possibly provided more pertinent info than the previous six combined. I’m relieved to report that noted progress occurred on all storyline fronts, including even the gag-inducing romance between Deb and Quinn, and the deteriorating marriage of Batista and LaGuerta. Far more importantly, however, our titular hero’s reluctance to accept a sidekick is beginning to subside as Lumen’s role is exponentially expanding. She’s evolved from thorny nuisance to full-fledged second banana since her introduction, and I’m pleased that the possibility of a shark-jumping romantic entanglement with Dexter has only been mildly foreshadowed.

As the episode opens, however, the vengeful duo is all business, discussing the logistics of their retaliation against Lumen’s assailants. Per Dexter’s coaxing, Lumen describes two goons, aside from the not-so-dearly departed Boyd and Dan the dentist, she can specifically remember. Despite being blindfolded the majority of her abduction, she recalls “Watch Guy,” a particular brand of sadistic douche who would hold his timepiece next to her ear and sneer, “Tick tick tick … that’s the sound of your life running out.” Another sick puppy would actually allow Lumen to see his face, and observe him folding his suit jacket with near-compulsive precision every time he took it off. She aptly brands him with the moniker “Suit and Tie.” Dexter expresses lingering doubt regarding Lumen’s direct involvement in the execution of her captors. While he understands her need for justice, he remains skeptical about any positive outcome the actual act of committing murder would have for Lumen’s future.

Meanwhile, a mysterious pickup truck is slowly lurching down a familiar, swampy road with an equally mysterious crew of workers riding in the cab. As the driver steps out of the truck and proceeds to meticulously fold his suit jacket, it’s made clear this episode will unleash a series of “Aha!” moments — and not the cheesy Oprah kind, at that. The crew proceeds to gather a series of barrels (aha!) from the marshy muck and load them into the back of the truck per Suit and Tie’s directions, and fistful of cash. I’d been wondering what would become of Boyd’s handiwork in light of he and the dentist’s abrupt disappearances. Suit and Tie promptly heads out of the swamp with a literal truckload of dead bodies, cleverly hidden in the confines of Boyd’s formaldehyde-filled barrels. Despite their relative unimportance to the grander scheme, I can’t help but wonder how the loading guys, apparently stranded at the swamp, are getting home.

Suit and Tie meets an unfortunate diversion from his plot to transport the rather incriminating (and rather disgusting) evidence, as a drunk driver blows through an intersection and T-bones the truck on the driver’s side. By sunrise, news of the accident has spread like wildfire across local media, and Deb, Quinn, Batista, Masuka and, of course, Dexter are called to the scene. Dexter’s sight of the five ill-fated blondes and their liquefied organs (seriously, ew) splashed all over the road likely woke him up more than any cup of coffee would have. He immediately realizes the remaining thugs on Lumen’s hit list are privy to some kind of shenanigans, since the effort had been made to get rid of the preserved proof of their indiscretions. When Dexter spots the neatly folded suit jacket inside the truck, the race to find the identity of the missing driver before his colleagues at Miami Metro do is set into motion.

Lumen catches wind of the story on the news and shows up, against her better judgment and Dexter’s wishes, to investigate. Dexter immediately shoos her away, but not before Quinn can spy the twosome talking just as he receives word from Robocop that Dexter’s taken up with a “young, blonde cutie” at Rita’s house. Before Quinn can pursue this revelation any further, Deb announces with her signature crude hilarity, “Shit a brick and f— me with it, you’ll never guess who this truck is registered to.” Not Suit and Tie, but rather Jordan Chase, the motivational speaker Boyd had a particular fondness for. Finally, details from the beginning of the season are beginning to come full circle and prove that Dexter had trademark tricks up its sleeve after all. While I’d hoped the focus on Boyd’s fixation with this guy would turn out to be more than a fleeting opportunity for psychoanalysis, it’s also opening doors into Masuka’s psyche. His own fanboy glee at the mention of Jordan Chase’s name elicits a notion both comic and curious – what else would he and Boyd have had in common?

While Deb is focusing on the fact that all five bodies in the barrels belonged to young blonde women in their twenties, Quinn is bugging her about moving in together instead of realizing this description also perfectly fits Dexter’s aforementioned “cutie.” Robocop is right – Quinn’s mooning over Deb is getting in the way of his objective to expose Dexter. LaGuerta mercifully interrupts the lovebirds to tell them a new stakeout is being orchestrated to try and salvage the Santa Muerte case. The chief has been breathing down LaGuerta’s neck about the lack of progress and overall incompetence of her department, and essentially threatens her job if the team doesn’t nab the Fuentes brothers at Club Mayan.

Just as quickly as attention is shifted back to the Santa Muerte case, it’s shifted away again as Jordan Chase (Eli Stone’s Jonny Lee Miller) himself shows up to the station with a very special guest – a curiously unharmed Suit and Tie. I’d like to have thought a sneaky plot twist would explain Suit and Tie’s pristine condition after being involved in a serious car accident hours earlier, but unfortunately I suspect the writers glazed over this detail for sake of convenience. Lame. Masuka geeks out and throws himself at his smooth-talking idol, while Dexter uses the opportunity to snap a photo or two for Lumen to check out – smart. When Dexter makes note of Jordan’s impressive watch (also smart – that’s our Dex), Jordan proudly admits it was a gift from his father years ago and he’s been wearing it ever since. When Jordan mentions the watch’s functionality in deep water (um, random?), Dexter muses in a darkly droll voiceover that, if Jordan is indeed one of Lumen’s kidnappers, he’ll be wearing the watch “at the bottom of the Atlantic.”

Jordan calmly introduces Suit and Tie as Cole, his lead security officer who was using the truck as his personal vehicle. Cole proceeds to proclaim his innocence by weaving a tale of auto theft to Batista and LaGuerta, who look rightfully dubious at the story’s plausibility and declare Cole the lead suspect. While bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Jordan is clearly a pro at pulling wool over people’s eyes (his airtight alibi is also a plus), a sheepish and slimy Cole practically showed up with a cookie jar attached to his fingertips. When Masuka notes the only prints and DNA samples found in the truck belong to Cole, Dexter realizes he needs to throw the cops off Cole’s trail in order to give he and Lumen the opportunity to seek vengeance themselves. Dexter shows Lumen the pictures he took and she recognizes Cole as Suit and Tie immediately. The shot of Jordan, on the other hand, doesn’t ring a bell. At first, she hilariously assumes Dexter is referring to a beaming Masuka and says, “That guy is definitely a freak, but I don’t know him.” Heh!

Dexter casually mentions that the police will likely arrest Cole and, thanks to Florida’s pro-death penalty stance, make sure he is punished for his crimes. The others, he adds, will surely follow suit due to testimony from Cole. If Lumen wants to move on with her life knowing her abductors will be brought to justice, now’s the time. “I don’t want [the police] to take care of it,” Lumen snaps. “I want to take care of it!” Dexter notices the parallels in her thinking with his and decides it’s time to shift police focus away from Cole and onto somebody else – particularly, the person who actually killed those girls.

Dexter and Lumen head to Boyd’s house and proceed to scrub away any DNA evidence of Lumen’s presence. Before they leave, Dexter snatches Boyd’s wallet – which he’d apparently stashed away in case of this exact opportunity – and plants it in Cole’s truck. Sure enough, Masuka discovers it the next day, chiding the investigators who missed it the first time, and this painfully obvious deviation works like a charm. The cops head to Boyd’s house, where more metal barrels and a scrapbook of 12 blonde hair clippings are found. To drive the point home even further, Quinn announces he’s discovered a room in the attic “where it looks like he kept the girls.” Thanks, everyone, we get it. It seems a bit too convenient to me that the killer would just happen to leave his wallet in the truck, and the fact the cops took this bait with such unblinking gusto proves that Miami Metro’s police department kind of deserves its shoddy reputation.

When Batista and LaGuerta ask Jordan and Cole if they know Boyd Fowler, Jordan claims to have never seen him before. However, the cops then point out Boyd’s extensive collection of Jordan Chase merchandise (aha!), which prompts Cole to spin an impromptu yarn about Boyd being a seemingly harmless “stalker” of Jordan’s. Not bad. Even Jordan is impressed, and praises Cole for “finally doing something smart” by throwing the cops’ attention towards Boyd. Thanks, says Cole, “but it wasn’t me.”

Later, the doomed sting at Club Mayan is a catastrophe from the start, as LaGuerta’s plan to arrest the Fuentes brothers before they get to the club is immediately thwarted. The police informant Batista nabbed nervously informs everyone that the brothers are already inside, having apparently entered via a secret door from the neighboring venue. How the police managed to not gather this information prior to the operation shows rather irritating incompetence; unfortunately, it only gets worse. LaGuerta makes glaring mistake number two when she tells the informant to chat up the brothers and try to lure them outside. One of them takes notice of a dolled-up Officer Manzon and calls to her from across the room. She actually hears him – I can’t hear someone screaming in my face from six inches away when I’m at a club – and, per LaGuerta’s terrible advice, joins him in the VIP lounge and proceeds to flirt. Deb vehemently opposes this idea, reminding LaGuerta the Fuentes brothers are no joke and a couple of seriously dangerous dudes, but her concern is shot down. Sure enough, when Manzon objects to a Fuentes hand traveling up her thigh (and presumably toward her hidden gun) the other brother takes offense and opens fire. The informant is killed, Manzon is socked in the face, and overall calamity ensues. Nice going, LaGuerta. Deb finds herself in a familiar predicament as the same Fuentes who held a hostage in front of her mere weeks earlier is repeating the same defense. This time, however, Deb doesn’t flinch and fires a bullet directly between his eyes. Deb’s dominating awesomeness notwithstanding (now there’s a phrase I never thought I’d write), the most infuriating aspect of this entire sequence is LaGuerta’s refusal to accept responsibility for the operation’s abject failure. “If mistakes were made,” she tartly tells Batista, “they weren’t mine.” Wow. Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, Lieutenant.

Dexter and Lumen, meanwhile, are in the process of engaging in their own failed stakeout as Dexter snoops around Cole’s house with Lumen acting as the lookout. Although he’d been confident the coast was clear, Dexter suddenly notices wet footprints leading from the hot tub to the house. Uh oh. He starts to plot a quick escape, but it’s too late and Cole unleashes his attack. Lumen appears wielding a flashlight, and beats the living daylights out of Cole. Dexter advises they get the hell out of there before Cole gets a chance to see their faces. A giddy Lumen, full of adrenaline, can hardly sit still on the drive home, but gets even more excited when Dexter shows her a picture he’d snatched from Cole’s house. It’s an old photo of Cole, Boyd, Dan the dentist, and two other unknown pals as teenagers. When Lumen remarks at the unbelievable discovery that at least three of her assailants have been friends since childhood, Dexter asks, “What do we do next?” Lumen gives Dexter a pointedly pleased hug and responds, “You said we.”

Dexter makes note of his change of heart as he returns home and finds multiple opportunities to wax metaphorical on the notion of partnership. Besides the deepening bond between he and Lumen, he is also engaged in a partnership of sorts with Sonya the nanny, and rescinds his earlier rejection of her Saint Brigid statue overlooking Harrison’s crib. “Circle us with your light,” Dexter carefully recites, “so that no darkness shall overcome our world.” The next morning, he introduces Lumen to Harrison – “the other part of your life,” as Lumen had pointed out earlier. Not anymore. Dexter notes that in any partnership, one must accept the other person into their life and accept them for who they are. He has done so with Lumen and Sonya, and by incorporating Harrison into both these partnerships, Dexter may be making more progress in his puzzling search for humanity than ever before.

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Season 5, Episode 7: Circle Us (originally aired November 4, 2010)

Sundays at 9pm EST on Showtime.

Photos courtesy of Showtime and IMDbPro.

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