The Real Housewives of Atlanta Review: The Truth Always Comes Out

Happy Belated Thanksgiving, all you Poptimal readers. I hope your Turkey (or Tofurkey for all you crazy kids) was even better than you dreamed of. I am fortunate to have a lot of things to be thankful for in this insane, oft unfair world. And this week’s The Real Housewives of Atlanta was definitely one of those things for three big reasons. First, we finally reached the Nene-Greg leaked tape scandal, and second, the nurses at the hospital finally kicked Phaedra out and forced her to take care of her own baby. Third, Sheree let Tiy-E have it!

For me, it’s a toss up between what was funniest. And, no, divorce is not funny. But I still can’t get over Tiy-E screaming for Sheree to prove that she’s a woman. As if she was going to pull up her top, right there out in the open, maybe even drop trough. Sheree played it cool, and I have to commend her for that. For a woman who once got in a designer’s face and told him to “BRING IT”, well, I wasn’t expecting anything demure and coy. And this isn’t alt-Atlanta so we didn’t get that either, but she did start out by calmly asking him how he felt about her Spades night. (By the way, did they even play spades that night?!) It wasn’t long though, before Tiy-E decided he’d rather rail on Sheree for her unwomanly ways than listen to any rational ideas on how she couldn’t trust him or believe the things he said because he wasn’t upfront and honest with her. Do I think that every man needs to state his pedigree before entering into a dating relationship? No, but have you seen Sheree? Have you heaaaaard the lady speak?! Every other word is money, fabulous, luxury, me, me, money.  He couldn’t have truly thought that he was getting past date number three without a background check. After three dates he was already tired of paying for her food and Sheree showing no interest in developing a deep, phone relationship with his son. I know Sheree is kind of crazy, but Tiy-E is looney tunes in comparison. 

So while Sheree cleaned house, Phaedra welcomed a new family member into hers, and  his name is Aydan Adonis. ADONIS is his middle name! I thought Beatrice was bad. It’s kind of pretty next to ADONIS. That one was all Apollo’s doing. (Big surprise there.) The boy better be built, or he’ll be cowering away from his name. And he wouldn’t be the only one, since Phaedra will probably be cowering somewhere too, trying to get as far away from any motherly responsibilities as possible. Phaedra claimed only about 1 minute into her segment that she was chained to the baby. Then, the two Parents of the Year (nominations here!) left the baby in the car with the driver so Apollo could carry Phaedra up 20 stairs because of the staples in her delicate stomach because of the C-section. There are so many adults who have mommy and daddy issues. We all have a tiny bit somewhere inside of us, but I’m talking about the Oedipal/Electra-sized issues. In my head, I always thought, how can someone ignore their own child. It’s their own flesh and blood. When did the love die? Now, I see where. The love died in the womb. All episode, Phaedra looked at her baby with the same look of disgust and indifference that I give my laundry every Sunday. Actually, it might have been worse.

Our other housewives had less eventful weeks, especially Cynthia, who was once again relegated to the outskirts, i.e. five minutes of wedding planning coverage. She did make an appearance for the new and improved “Kandi Koated Nights”. Then again, she had to share her time with all the other housewives and couldn’t get an word in. Things got awkward when Kandi pointed out Nene’s demure ways in the bedroom because as Nene puts it, Southern girls “don’t talk about things like that openly, that’s shhh shut your mouth!” Yet, Kandi continued to force the housewives to rank their “freak meter”. The spectrum ranged from a three for Nene to Sheree at a whopping 9.5. But the true freak was yet to come. Cue Mr. Luscious! He’s a renowned Atlanta stripper who loves animal print and knows how to work it…for a webcam. I hope that was not considered a high point for “Kandi Koated Nights”.

Not much is more absurd than Mr. Luscious, but Kim buying a $3,000 abstinence ring for Brielle, who was pledging no sex until 18, came pretty close. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the sentiment or support the statement, but where was the real talk. While Kim was arguing over the age of 20 or 18, I was idealistically wondering about love and marriage. Who cares if she waits another two years Kim, if it’s with some dimwitted idiot of a man-boy?! She could have totally slipped in a chastity belt with that $3,000 abstinence agreement. Kim should also be thankful this week.  No babies for her babies! Oh, and Kandi “dumbed down” her new song “The Ring Didn’t Mean A Thing”, which in my opinion, made for a better song in the end. And Kim even liked it this time, and of course, she’d never doubted Kandi. (Insert Kandi’s quintessential eye role.)

As the episode came to a close, I wondered how the Greg-Nene showdown would play out. Earlier, Nene met with a divorce attorney at the referral of her friend Diana. (This was the same friend who was with her during her surgery. Be thankful for real friends!) Then, she found out about the leaked phone call during her first day at her new job, where she was threated with the “keep your business at home” policy. All across town housewives were gossiping and pitying, silenting gleeful that it was not about one of their problems for once. And when she came home, Greg greeted her with his smug face, somewhat taking responsibility but really deflecting the situation. He apologized but blamed the radio DJ, who violated his trust. He steered clear of putting attention on the hurtful, cruel things he actually said about her. But, he wasn’t getting away that easily. Nene layed into him about how much she’d given of herself, how marriage is about sharing and not about who owes who and how she’d never air their dirty laundry. He sat there, hoping the rant was finally over and when it was, the two went their separate ways, making it evidently clear that things were over.

In the end, I was thankful for Dr. Love because he brought back the She-ra in Sheree. I was thankful that in a mere 10 years, we’ll get a reality show about Arianna and Brielle, hopefully called “What My (Crazy) Reality Mom Taught Me.” I was thankful that Nene finally got up the courage to do something for herself. So yes, I was thankful for a lot this week.

QUOTABLES

“Before this, I was fancy-free and footloose, running around shopping and doing, you know, whatever I wanted to do. And now I’m sort of chained to this baby… We’ll see how this turns out.” – Phaedra

“Why men gotta feed you to talk to you?” – Tiy-E

“I’m dropping the Dr., too.” – Sheree

“So fantastic it makes her keep her legs closed.” – Kim

“People say being a parent is rewarding. And right now the rewards for me is just seeing this person that I created. I mean, because he doesn’t do anything.” – Phaedra

Season 3, Episode 9: Nene Get Your Gun (originally aired November 28, 2010)