The Vampire Diaries Review: Tombtastic

Things are still rotten in the town of Mystic Falls. Granted, things will probably never be nice and relaxing there but that’s exactly why we watch, isn’t it? Elena and company are still trying desperately to come up with a plan to avoid getting her and most of her friends sacrificed to break the curse that keeps vampires allergic to sunlight and as usual there is no agreement.

Damon and Stefan want to use Bonnie to break the seal on the tomb where Katherine is locked in and take the crucial moonstone from her but Elena wants to go a different route. She instead convinces Rose to take her to meet Slater to get more information on vampire history. As we know though, Slater got offed in the last episode so all Elena and Rose find is his corpse…oh, and his depressed goth girlfriend, Alice (Bree Condon), who isn’t a vampire but was hoping to be turned.

Alice isn’t completely worthless though. Elena tricks her into opening up Slater’s computer files and sending a message out to Klaus to get his attention. It turns out she doesn’t have an alternate plan at all. Rather, she hopes to get killed and therefore save the rest of her friends and family. Don’t ask me to explain this. I can’t. Regardless of how I feel though, she’s pretty pleased with herself and this plan. Little does she know that the new warlock in town, Jonas, recently broke into her house to steal some stuff of hers that has allowed him and and Elijah to track her. Oops.

Meanwhile, Jonas’ son Luka continues to swoon over Bonnie and during a nice walk outside of school he offers to do a bit of witch bonding and “channel” each other. So basically they hold each other’s stuff, the wind blows, and Bonnie has a minor orgasm. We assume they’re about to bump dirties, but instead Jeremy walks up acting all awkward and jealous thus spoiling the moment. It was a total cock block but I’ll forgive Jeremy because he’s looking cuter with every passing episode.

Bonnie and Jeremy then join Damon and Stefan for a planning session on how to get the moonstone away from Katherine and it basically involves Bonnie breaking the spell that keeps vampires sealed in the tomb long enough for Damon and Stefan to go in and take it by force. But Jeremy, being the worrisome little dreamboat that he is, doesn’t want Bonnie to risk using all of her strength to do it so he goes ahead of them and tries to do it himself. He succeeds in temporarily taking down Katherine and throwing the moonstone out but gets himself nabbed by her when she wakes and becomes her new bargaining tool.

The others arrive just as Damon gets a call from Rose about Elena trying to give herself up so he dashes off to stop her foolishness while Bonnie and Stefan enter the tomb to find Jeremy in his predicament. Rather than wait for Damon to get back, Bonnie attempts to channel some extra strength from Luka to break the tomb’s spell but it’s still too much for her so she just passes out instead. And just when Katherine is about to take another bite out of Jeremy, Stefan bounds into the tomb and throws Jeremy out to safety but thus effectively locking himself in with Katherine. FAIL.

When Damon meets up with Elena they have an uber sexy, intense conversation about how stupid she is just as three thugs show up wanting to take Elena away to Klaus. But before they can, Elijah shows up and kills them. Strike that. He doesn’t just kill them. He actually takes two of them and rips their hearts out. It’s not just a dream sequence from Dumb and Dumber anymore!

Elijah then leaves without harming Damon or Elena and tells Jonas he did that because she needs to be kept safe right now. Maybe I missed something but this appears to make little sense. Guess I’ll have to check back next week for clarification.

After Stefan becomes sealed in the tomb, Bonnie and Jeremy go home where he attempts to put the moves on her and tell her how he feels. This probably would have gone smoother without a gaping hole in his neck but it never hurts to try for the sympathy vote I guess. Either way, she wasn’t having it making us assume that she prefers her wind-blowing orgasm maker fellow warlock, Luka.

After being absent for a few weeks we also got to see Matt return in this episode and as usual he’s depressed and awkward around both Caroline and Tyler. This depression will naturally only increase after he catches them alone together at the end of the episode but it sucks that they can’t explain to him why. The two of them spend almost an entire day watching a video and reading a diary that Mason left about his first transformation into a werewolf and it has Tyler understandably scared stiff. Caroline genuinely wants to be there for him and I find it adorably sweet so here’s hoping that Matt doesn’t ruin the dynamic with his pouting.

It’ll be interesting to see how things go down next week when Katherine and Stefan are left to their own devices inside the tomb and Elena and Damon are left to theirs on the outside. Will there be sexytime for both couples? Survey says…very much probably YES! So next week, don’t forget to wear protection when watching The Vampire Diaries.

Season 2, Episode 10: “The Sacrifice” (originally aired December 2, 2010)

For more on The Vampire Diaries, click here.

Thursdays at 8/7c on The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Quantrell Colbert, and Bob Mahoney.

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