The Real Housewives of Atlanta: Contractually Friends For Life

The drama amped up right in time for the holidays! Thank you, Santa. All I want for Christmas is a little hair pulling. And while no one got physical, things definitely got heated. So what were our Real Housewives of Atlanta up to this week?

Kim, for once, wasn’t at the center of all the drama. Sure, her name might have been, but not once did she have to defend herself or even insert herself into the gossip. I guess, that’ll be saved for next week. (Yippee!) But this week, Kim focused on her new, unreleased single “The Ring Didn’t Mean A Thing” and the upcoming tour with Kandi. Focusing usually involves serious thought and perseverance, but for Kim, it means complaining, lying around lazily and not paying any attention to her choreographer. Luckily, she dances better than she sings, according to Kim. Maybe she should just stick to eatting pizza while undergoing fat-burning laser treatment. She’s really good at that.

And though Kandi was around, we got no Kandi Koated Nights or gross chitchat about their vajayjay areas. I don’t feel like I missed anything.

Recently, I read an article about Bravo’s Senior Vice President of Programming and Development (how does that fit  on a business card?) Andy Cohen and how he misses the “normal” housewives each show discovered. If there’s one thing he could do without, it would be how some housewives have become stars, very “unreal” in the scheme of things. (What in reality TV still is though?)  In a way, Atlanta epitomizes Andy’s problem. Of course, all these ladies had huge egos coming in, so it’s no surprise that they’re the ones facing some of the biggest changes. This week, Sheree got some big news when the People Store agency called and said they wanted to represent her. Like Nene said, Atlanta’s a small enough city that almost anyone with a name can get representation, but it was definitely a positive move for Sheree. She also agreed to do the “Child Support Man” play for free.  Kandi helped her run lines, and Sheree confessed that Bob Whitfield doesn’t pay child support, so surprising when he gets paid oodles of that Monday Night Football money. But she also confessed it all in a whisper, even though they were alone, and she was miked. That doesn’t really instill me with certainty.

Cynthia, finally, got a little screentime. The newbies have had it rough this season, but at least Phaedra’s four minutes per episode are hilarious and completely ridiculous, making for memorable moments. In fact, I may have been hard on fiancé Peter last week, but he really is the only reason Cynthia’s screen time was promoted from four minutes to 12 minutes this week. It certainly wasn’t her late invitations that did it. She wanted Peter to bury the hatchet with Nene. (She also wanted to go on vacation with herself right after getting married.) But let’s not dwell on that strange fact because things only got stranger. She pulled “some single, black female” stuff when she gave Nene a friendship contract. It was more like an apology wrapped up in a really weird joke that no one got, but it’s the thought that counts, right?

Dwight finally told Phaedra about the tandem Cynthia-Kim attack and pounce move used on him during “Is The A Doctor In The House?“  when they wanted to know all about the pregnancy. Dwight said that they called her baby an alien. Phaedra called Kim an uneducated hooker. Then, she started to rant about how she has a man, not someone else’s husband. True. Phaedra has a career that she’s built herself, not one someone else gave to her. True. Plus, she also has the lavish lifestyle. True. Clearly, Kim is jealous. Still debateable being that she’s still Phaedra.

Then, it was showtime. We all should be thankful that we didn’t have to sit through that mess. Everyone looks bored, wondering why Sheree made it seem as if she was making her big debut, when she had about five lines. Literally, the two minutes she practiced on screen with Kandi were ALL of her lines in the play. But like Cynthia said, we should have kept all expectations low because “it’s a long way from the Chitlin’ Circuit to Broadway.” Aftewards, Phaedra confronted Cynthia for some of the things Kim said during their little Q&A with Dwight. Cynthia rightly stuck up for herself because she didn’t actually say any of the things Phaedara or Dwight is accusing her of. She may have laughed, but no need to bring that up.  I liked her way more for standing up while not ratting on Kim…for now.

Peter also pulled Nene aside like a good fiancé who only wants to make their bride-to-be happy, and apologized to Nene. We all knew that he didn’t really feel out of line. Sheree and Lawrence had hypothesized before the show your friends don’t fight with your man unless there’s some kind of sexual tension going on. Nene is a little flirtatious, but it seemed a little petty…at first! Then, Nene sort of confirmed it by getting all giggly and calling Peter a firecracker when he did say sorry. It was strange and also absurdly funny because she looked like a 1950s schoolgirl. They kept cutting to a confused looking Cynthia, trying to insinuate even more there, but I thought it was sweet that Peter saw how upset Cynthia was being on the outs with her new bestie and just wanted to alleviate the tension.

In the end, it was just like old times with Nene and Kim eating and making fun of themselves and everyone else. Cynthia’s crazy contract was the main topic of discussion. Should Nene have run like Kim suggested? Is Cynthia actually in lesbian love with Nene? Could that be the reason Peter is really jealous? I miss these two being busom buddies in all things absurd. Plus, no one else would have gotten Kim to open up about her new footballer (now, soon-to-be baby daddy). I’m really hoping we get a peak into that relationship. Before that, I’m looking forward to the friendship contract validity being brought into question next week and the resolution of Alien Babygate.


“Why is she all up in my Kool-aid?” – Phaedra

“Just because you strip in a nurses office does not make you a nurse?” – Phaedra

“He’s like 25 years old. He just came out the womb, bitch. He’s probably Phaedra’s son. I knew she was having a grown ass man out of that vajayjay.” – Kim

Season 3, Episode 11: Contract Player (originally aired December 12, 2010)

For more on the Real Housewives of Atlanta, click here.

Sundays at 10pm on Bravo

Photographs courtesy of Quantrell Colbert and Bravo.

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