The Top Eleven Dumbest TV Shows of 2010

Well, it’s the end of the year, and you all know what that means. A crapload of Top 10 lists capping off everything you can think of from the year 2010. Best restaurants, best bars, favorite movies, best albums of the year, and on and on and on ….

Well, my list is a little bit different. First off, the TV shows on this list are current shows on television. They are not necessarily only shows that began in 2010; just any show that is currently on the air. Second, to make things more interesting (and quite frankly, to make less work for myself because it’s the end of the year and I’m tired, dammit!), I asked for the help of the good people on Twitter. I asked my followers to tell me what they think the dumbest shows on TV are and why. So this list will combine my thoughts with theirs. This way if you people violently don’t like something you read here, you can perhaps yell at some innocent twitter person instead of just at me. Lastly, everyone on earth does Top Ten Lists. I do not. I like to be different, and I have never done a Top Ten. So, in the words of the legendary Nigel Tufnel in This Is Spinal Tap – “these go to eleven.”  Let’s begin this trainwreck already ….

11. My Super Sweet 16 / MTV:

This show pisses me off, as does about 94% of what I see on MTV these days. (Not sure if you’re aware, but the letters MTV no longer stand for “Music Television” – they stand for “Moronic Television.”) The show basically follows around different spoiled, over-the-top, drama-queen a-hole teen girls and boys who are about to turn 16. Apparently, this is the most important birthday in life, since these idiot rich over-the-top parents spend upwards of $40,000 on a PARTY for their entitled child. The whole idea is to outdue your rich friends by throwing the best party ever. Not only parties, but a lot of these undeserving pricks end up receiving brand new cars as well. Not only that, but these a-hole kids act like jackasses throughout the entire planning process, whining and bitching that whatever ridiculousness is happening just isn’t good enough. In the end, they have their cake and eat it too, and they probably grow up to be adult a-holes with 7 beachhouses and 14 ferraris and an empty soul, that we have to now deal with in society. I don’t know about you, but when I turned 16, I seem to remember the event involving a free hot dog and piece of cake at the local roller-skating rink. But then again; that was the 1980′s, back when MTV was still MTV and wouldn’t have dreamed of even airing a stupid show like this.

10. Meet the Browns AND House of Payne / TBS:

This one comes from @UncleRico23 on Twitter, and his actual quote was “anything that begins with ‘Tyler Perry presents’ is automatically an awful show.” I completely agree with you, Rico. Now, some might say that this is a cultural thing, that maybe I would get the humor more or relate to it better if I weren’t caucasian. But I don’t think so. I happen to think funny is funny, and quality is quality, and from what I’ve seen, the stuff this guy puts out there is just plain dumb and silly. Over the top laugh-tracks, jokes that are “puns” (even the titles of his shows anger me with their dumb, obvious humor), and characters that are one-dimensional stereotypes at best. At the end of the day, what this guy has to offer is a big black man in a floral dress with a funny name. All I can tell you is that I have never laughed watching his TV shows or films. But a lot of people have; since he is pretty much king over on TBS. I just personally don’t get it.

9.  Operation Repo / TruTV:

This show is just …well.. dumb. And fake. As @PNDOatmeal on Twitter put it: “every single scenario is wildly unbelievable.” Right. There is even a disclaimer at the beginning of this stupid show that says “based on real events.” Uh-huh. So in other words, the real story is that someone got their car repossessed, they were pretty much aware that they were behind on payments, and the repo-guy who was about 5 ft. 6 with glasses and a suit from Sears came to get the car with very little drama or fanfare. All this stuff about Repo-dudes who look like Rambo punching people and putting them in headlocks and shoving them into walls is just “reality tv.”  Oh, sorry. TruTV.

8. Bachelor Pad / ABC:

What do you do when you were on a reality show to “find love”, only to be sent home crying in a limo with your heart broken and no marriage proposal to speak of? Well, you turn around and put yourself on a second-rate spinoff of that same show, created by the same producers, of course! This show is literally pointless. It takes your favorite All-Star contestants (losers) from The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, and puts them in a house together to compete (drink, sit in hottubs, and make out)  for a second chance at love and happiness, (emptyness and continued shallowness) and a cash prize of $250,000 for the last person not voted out of the house by the others. (the REAL reason anyone would do this show – greed. Why anyone would watch it is beyond me.)

7. The Event / NBC:

“What event? NOTHING happens!” says @KevinConn on Twitter, who provided our #7 show on the list. “This is a show that’s trying to be the next Lost – the next big thing – but it’s lacking greatly in story, writing, and acting. They even tried to mock Lost by saying that they will provide answers to what is going on, instead of making viewers always ask questions. Well, guess what? After 10+ episodes, there are still no answers to anything that wasn’t already obvious, and the show is SO boring that I’ve renamed it ‘The MEHvent.’ ” Very well said Kevin. I think we will leave it at that. (mostly due to the fact that I have nothing to add, seeing as how I’ve never watched this show in my entire life. So anyone who disagrees with #7 – please send your hateful comments in care of Kevin Conn. Thank you.)

6. Skating With the Stars / ABC:

The very idea of this show is such an epic fail that it’s hilarious. The fact that the show itself is such a trainwreck makes it a thousand times more amusing. There was even a hashtag game started on Twitter (forgive me for not remembering who started it) asking people to come up with other stupid things one could do “with the stars.” Things like: Looking at the Stars With the Stars! Eating Cereal With the Stars! Reading a Pamphlet With the Stars! This show is utterly ridiculous.  It’s just another example of trying to ride off the coat-tails of a hit show (Dancing With the Stars), by creating a much more terrible knock-off, unoriginal version of that show. And really, does anyone need to see Vince Neil on ice? This show MIGHT have worked, had they changed the basic premise a bit. How about something like Skating With the Fat Stars? I don’t give a crap about watching these D-list people I’ve literally never heard of on this show, but I would totally tune in to watch Precious fall on her big ass week after week. Don’t judge. You would too.

5. Bridaplasty / E!:

A long time ago, I remember watching a horrific reality show called The Swan and thinking to myself “there will never be anything on television more stupid than this.” I was wrong. Enter Bridaplasty. This shallow mess of a production is exactly what it sounds like: brides-to-be competing in wedding-themed challenges to win their dream plastic surgeries! These douchebags actually cat-fight each other to get the procedures they want, AND their groom-to-be doesn’t get to see the winner (his bride) until the “big reveal” on their wedding day. GAG! The fact that this show even exists makes me physically ill on so many levels. All I can say is that everyone involved completely deserves each other. Ick.

4. 19 Kids And Counting / TLC:

We can also add to #4 on this list shows like: Teen Mom, 16 and Pregnant, Octo-Mom, I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant (really?), Kate Plus 8, Toddlers and Tiaras. Okay, so, two things here: first – who the hell CARES about any of these people? and second – can we please, as a country, STOP glorifying and giving attention to idiots, irresponsible people, morons, and people who take no responsibility for their actions? Can we stop putting these asshats on my television? Please? In the case of 19 Kids and Counting … the show is about the Duggards and their ridiculously large  and creepy Arkansas family. All of the other shows I have listed above have similar themes; and the bottom line for kids in this country, the message they are receiving is loud and clear: Dumb = Famous. Uneducated = Money. Do something stupid = Get Noticed. Why would anyone go to college anymore or work an actual job earning money? When you can be a total nitwit and be on TV? I am so sick of hearing about pregnant people and people who have 47,000 kids, or people who can’t raise their kids properly and do stupid things to them or with them (like make them sex objects by putting them in beauty pagents at age 3). I don’t care. Get off my TV.

3. Scrappers / SpikeTV:

This show centers around a group of tough-with-hearts-of-gold gentlemen in Brooklyn who work in the scrap metal business. We follow as they find treasures in twisted metal, and test their relationships along the …..zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……. WHA HAPPEN?? Oh Im sorry. I fell asleep because I was so bored by my description of what this show is about. Look, I’m sure these are wonderfully fine people whose jobs are of course important. But, is it really necessary to put every freakin job on television now? Does every bluecollar guy now need his own TV show? Because that is certainly what it seems like with shows like L.A. Ink, Mall Cops, and Ice Road Truckers. (I know I’m going to get yelled at for even mentioning that last one, because my husband watches it like it’s the most exciting thing in the world. Two things happen on this show: they either make it through the ice, or they don’t. And sometimes, a trucker eats a sandwich.) How about if all you people just go to work and NOT be on television? Just make your paycheck like the rest of us poor saps who aren’t being followed around by cameras as we dramatically ring up customers at our grocery store job. Please. Enough already.

2. The World Series of Poker / ESPN:

Add to this the 9 million other TV Shows where we get to watch other people play cards: The World Poker Tour, Celebrity Poker Showdown, Poker Royale, Ultimate Poker Challenge, E! Hollywood Hold ‘Em …Yes, these are all real and yes, there are this many, and more! These shows completely annoy my husband and so this is his addition to my countdown, but with my blessing. I just do not understand the appeal of sitting down watching total strangers playing a poker game. On TV. I’m not playing. I’m watching you play. Explain to me how that’s fun or an intelligent use of my time. Go ahead. Im waiting ….

1.  Jersey Shore / MTV:

Yes, I know the show is extremely popular. I know it is a phenomenon. I know I will get lambasted for putting it as the #1 Dumbest Show on TV, but I don’t care. Because it is. It is a dumb show about nothing, and not in the hilarious Seinfeld sort of way. This show is just dumb, and pointless, and completely void of any sort of worth or intelligence. @GBDave said it best when he wrote: “it’s an obviously staged reality show about superficial douchebags that teaches kids to live smarmy lives.” Exactly Dave. Look at what happens on this show, aside from all the nothing. They drink, they get in fights, they yell and loud-mouth each other , they go “clubbing”, tanning, drink some more, “hook up” or have meaningless drunk physical encounters with random people, and mug a lot for the camera. Add in some dumb Jersey-type nicknames and phrases, and suddenly people are eating this crap up. The reason I picked this show as #1 is because it is basically America wrapped up in a TV Show. This is what we are about. This is the kind of stuff we, as people, watch and emulate and become. At least until the next dumb show comes along in 2011 and becomes a giant hit.

Some runners-up that didn’t quite make the list include: Wipeout, Two and A Half Men (needs to be on a “worst of” show list more than a “dumbest” which is why it didn’t make the cut here), Dance Your Ass Off, Khloe and Kourtney Take Miami, The Girls Next Door, The Great Food Truck Race, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Minute to Win It.

(The preceding list was opinion-based and solely for entertainment and fun. Please do not physically harm me with your overreactions of disagreement. Please DO, however, give your take on things. What shows do you think are the dumbest currently on the air and why? I welcome all comments.)

Read Kelley Lynn’s take on Dancing With The Stars here.

Poptimal’s Holiday eCards. Happy Holidays!

Check out these two eCards that Poptimal.com sent out for this year’s Holiday season.

Poptimal’s Favorite Holiday Movies

Poptimal writers Erin Biglow, Matt DeGroot, Trisha Ziegenhorn, and Bilal Mian team up to dish out on their favorite holiday movies of the season.

Erin Biglow – A Christmas Story

My favorite holiday movie, despite its overexposure, is A Christmas Story. I grew up in the Midwest myself and can relate to the wintry atmosphere, particularly the scenario of one’s tongue getting stuck to a frozen flagpole. Even after seeing the movie a hundred times, the central kid’s constant struggles still make me laugh. The family’s turkey dinner being devoured by a pack of rogue neighborhood dogs at the end kills me — they’re forced to eat Christmas dinner at a local Chinese restaurant (it’s the only place in town open) and the waitstaff serenades them with a hilarious rendition of “Deck the Halls.” Even writing about it makes me excited to watch it again this year.

Matt DeGroot – National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation

My favorite holiday movie is without a doubt National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Of the four cinematic adventures of the Griswold clan, this is the one that sticks to your funny bone the longest and reminds you that maybe your own family gatherings aren’t so bad. From torturing the yuppy neighbors to the senile Aunt Bethanny there is nary a scene that isn’t chuckle worthy. And if seeing Randy Quaid in his long underwear out in the snow yelling, “Shitter’s full!” doesn’t bring you holiday cheer – nothing ever will.

Trisha Ziegenhorn - It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

If you’re thinking, “Come on, Trisha. Everyone’s seen this movie,” let me tell you – you’re wrong. I grew up assuming the same thing, but am continually shocked by the people just in my own social circle who’ve never viewed this film. SHOCKED. This is my all time favorite movie, and though I’ve seen it hundreds of times it never fails to send tears dripping down my cheeks in its final scene. It follows the life of George Bailey (Jimmy Stewart), a man who wraps around your heart like a beautiful vine, and let’s us witness his reluctant quest to answer a difficult question – what makes life worth living. You are denying yourself a piece of beauty and truth by not watching this film. Seriously.

Bilal Mian – The Santa Claus (1994)

My favorite holiday movie is easily The Santa Claus (1994). As a Muslim, my family obviously never celebrated Christmas, but I always enjoyed the festive nature during this time of year. The Christmas movies had to be my favorite part of it. As a child The Santa Claus had it all. The Christmas lore, reindeer, the North Pole, Santa’s Workshop, and presents. Oh presents galore. Santa’s Workshop was a magical and wonderful place. This movie fueled my imagination and I loved every moment of it. Plus there was Tim Allen. Who didn’t love him on Home Improvement?

I Want My Money Back: The 10 Worst Movies of 2010

Poptimal writers Matt DeGroot and Keshaunta Moton team up to sound off on 10 movies that weren’t worth the price of admission this year.

10. The Last Airbender: I would do many things for Jackson Hale, (many, just call) but sitting through the entirety of this movie is not one of them. Devoid of any joy this film takes itself far too seriously, filled with moody actors in a make-believe world where a sulking face denotes intensity, and the aforementioned moodiness takes the place of any actual acting ability. This world is as sterile and devoid of hope as its young protagonist, and every single second watching it is a trial to bear.

9. Dinner for Schmucks: Comedies are supposed to be funny right? Well someone forgot to tell the makers of this one that this is the case. Almost every scene feels like desperation as they attempt to stretch the film’s threadbare premise as far as possible and what should have made it all worth it – the dinner – hardly even merits mentioning.

8. Furry Vengeance: Is there anything more painful than Furry Vengeance? If there is I don’t want to know as this grossly unfunny, recklessly incompetent film is the most that I can take. Full of crude “humor” that amounts to nothing more than toilet jokes and shots to the groin, Vengeance offers nothing in the way of believable -yet alone likable- characters and sinks to the basest of depravity all in the name of entertainment. That being said, it fails horribly.

7. Prince of Persia: Jake Gyllenhaal may look great shirtless but even that doesn’t redeem a film that fails to emotionally engage the audience on any level. The production values are handsome but director Mike Newell must have been referencing A Guide to Film Cheese when making his directorial choices. The use of ridiculously goofy slow motion every few minutes was laughable at best and begs to be parodied but that would almost be too easy.

6. Remember Me: I’m going to go ahead and forgive Robert Pattinson for a portion of this film’s failure, although his sense of the overly dramatic fits very well into this sappy mess. SPOLIER ALERT! My problem with this film is instead of building characters that we actually care about, the writers coped out and took the easy road by making them part of a national tragedy. To use September 11th for the emotional catharsis that you are incapable of creating is absolutely unforgivable.

5. A Nightmare on Elm Street: Wes Craven’s original film may not held up among cinema gems like The Godfather or Citizen Kane but it is a classic of its genre and if there’s one thing we’ve learned over the last few years of remakes, it is that you should NOT remake the classics! Rather than using today’s improved special effects to get imaginative, the film relies on cheap scares with loud noises. And let’s be honest: Jackie Earle Haley is no Robert Englund.

4. Grown Ups: Of the 40+ films that I saw released in 2010 no one was more painful to sit through that Grown Ups. I knew this would be the case and avoided it as long as I could until a long sleepless flight with few other options put it on my radar. How can so many actors who have shown a sense of humor in the past be so horribly unfunny here? It’s almost as if they thought that by simply being together they could get away with nothing more than cheap and immature fart and pee gags. Well, they were wrong and I now wish I had spent those 90 minutes on the plane staring blankly at the floor and saving the brain cells that I lost to this movie.

3.Robin Hood: The story of Robin Hood always has been and always should be epic, swashbuckling fun but Ridley Scott and company managed to suck every ounce of adventure from the legend by forcing it into real life history. This not only does a disservice to history but to the fantasy aspects as well leaving a dull, joyless shell of a film.

2. Sex and the City 2: Sex and the City 2 is a great bit of nothing of film, it is vapid, pretentious, yet seems to think it can do no wrong.  The first fifteen minutes of this film is nothing more than one long, drawn out gay joke, it wasn’t funny the first time and doesn’t get any better upon repetition. This movie is nothing more than the beating of a dead horse and these city girls come off as cackling hens stewing in their own self importance.

1. The Wolfman: Despite its wonderful gothic look the entire movie rings emotionally hollow thanks to distinct lack of interest in or sympathy for Benicio del Toro’s character. On top of that, his highly unlikely and unbelievable relationship with Emily Blunt’s character had about as much chemistry as oil and water. And need we remember the wolf on wolf fight that closes the film? Overall, this film is best left (and easily so) forgotten. Wolfman is about as engaging as dryer lint. In fact, less so since dryer lint sticks with you after you’re done, which could not be said of this film. Wolfman wastes no time with such things as character development and building credible tension, it instead walks through a world of contrived angst. It’s such a shame such great actors who are capable of much are lost in such lame material.

A few regrettable mentions that were not worth the words:

You Again
Case 39
The Spy Next Door
Hereafter
Predators
Repo Men

Check out Matt and Keshaunta’s top ten.

Overlay Photo by David Appleby

Yogi Bear Review: Fails on All Counts

I don’t remember much of the original Yogi Bear cartoon, and if this film is any indication, I’m glad of it. The new Yogi Bear is a humorless film that aims to please no one. And in this endeavor, I am sorry to say, it has succeeded.

Yogi Bear picks up the old cartoon character and places him in a real live Jellystone Park. A smooth-talking, wise-cracking picnic basket loving bear, Yogi is the menace of Jellystone as his obsession with picnic baskets sends him into a klepto-like stealing spree. Accompanied by his ever faithful companion Boo Boo, (who by the way completes two of the three animals in the park) Yogi, apparently, drives all the park visitors away. (Yes, the talking bear drives people from the park.) So, with the Park in a deficit, the money-grubbing mayor of the bankrupt town comes up with an ingenious plan, “Why don’t I sell the park to land developers, and make the city rich just in time for me to run for governor.” Not everyone is on board this train, as Park Ranger Smith is totally against the destruction of his beloved Jellystone, and now has to come up with a way to raise $40,000 in one week to save the park. With the help of wildlife journalist Rachael, he throws a huge party that will raise enough money to save the Park. But as Yogi bites at not being the center of attention, will he ruin the Park’s chances at survival?

Yogi Bear is an absolutely silly film. I ‘m just going to go ahead and say that this movie is so simple it’s not even funny. Let me for a moment acknowledge the talking bear in the room. People there is a talking bear in this Park. If you need fund-raising fast, sell tickets to see the bear that defies all laws of the known world and biological universe by simply being able to talk. Do you know how many people would trade their livelihoods for the novelty of speaking with a talking bear? While I personally wouldn’t sign up for that particular payment plan, I’m sure that are at least a hundred people out there who would. Not to mention media outlets that pay a million dollars for a celeb baby, surely a talking bear would merit at least 40 grand. And this is the tragic flaw in Yogi Bear: there is no thought or effort put into the execution of this film. If no one here is smart enough to come up with a plan to save this city by using the talking bear, they should all go sit in a corner somewhere and contemplate leprechauns.

This movie shows movie studios at its absolute worse: greedy executives trying to capitalize off a familiar brand while offering absolutely nothing of substance to its viewers. That is the only thing that can explain how this movie came into existence because there is absolutely nothing worth recommending in this film. In a movie rampant with lazy filmmaking, the greatest flaw would be its faulted storyline. The plot is completely underdeveloped with gaping holes like Ranger Smith’s fundraising drive to save the park that houses the talking bear. There is no evidence that the writers were even trying to bring anything worthwhile to this script and the ending result is a lame duck. The 3-d effects were okay, although not worth shelling out extra bucks for because they add nothing to the film. I actually think this movie would fare better in 2-d, and not just because it matches the underdeveloped characters, but because watching it this way would help lessen expectations. In the theater, I actually switched my 3-d glasses on and off and I much preferred the look of the film without them. I think this is because 2-d is how we usually view animation

The actors did the best that they could with this faulted script, that being said, no accolades will be given for their faulted judgment. These characters are all flat; there is no escaping that. So, no one gets any praise or censure in this round. Dan Akroyd voices the titular character, with Justin Timberlake serving up sidekick.  Tom Cavanagh is Ranger Smith with Anna Farris as wildlife enthusiast Rachael.

I suppose Yogi Bear is meant to be a comedy, with that being said there is nothing even remotely funny about this movie. In the theater I found my self cornered with children, and they were as devoid of laughter as I was. The jokes were few and far between and not very well done at that. So for an entertainment factor Yogi Bear gets a 3 out of 10. Neither adults nor children will find this film amusing.

And one final point on Yogi Bear. This message of this movie was supposed to be about finding joy in being yourself and celebrating what makes you different. Throughout most of the film Ranger Smith downs Yogi because he is not like the “average bear,” but in the end it’s supposed to be that Yogi’s talents help to save the park. My question is this: how can you have a message about celebrating who you are when all throughout this film no one will acknowledge how special Yogi is?

Skip it.

Photos by Phil Bray Courtesy  © 2010 Warner Bros. Entertainment Inc

Not Everyone Has a DVR, or Why Timeslot Still Matters

I’ve heard people wonder why the big networks are still so concerned with what night certain shows air, what with the advent of digital video recording (DVR) and all. I admit I’ve been one of those people, scoffing at whether or not giving a show a particular time reflects on its stature or provides a likelihood to increase viewership and survive the chopping block the way it used to.

Let me tell you what I think. I think the network executives and the series producers continue to consider it a big deal because it is.

Some of the reasons timeslot is important may have changed, but more remain very valid, and timeslot alone has the ability to make or break a show.

A quick lesson on network scheduling and the reasons it’s traditionally been important:

1 – People need to know when a show airs so they can make sure they are home to watch it. There may be an argument for this being outdated, but it’s important to remember that there are plenty of people out there who cannot afford or simply choose not to bring a DVR into their homes. There are still people who watch live television (the poor souls). What night a show airs also matters to those people who want to watch right away in order to discuss an episode with friends, or around the “water cooler” at work the next day.

2 – Certain nights are “stronger” than others, where every network places its strongest shows in the ring for direct competition. In recent memory, really since NBC put together a ridiculous Thursday night “Must See TV” lineup surrounding Friends in the late ’90s, Thursday nights have become the “it” night. Thursday is the promised land, the place to be, the spots every series vies for and the ones that are hardest to fail in. Mondays are probably second best. If a show is on Monday or Thursday, viewers are trained to believe in its quality, true or not. Friday nights have consistently been where shows go to die. Examples: Dollhouse, Ugly Betty, Ghost Whisperer.

3 – Research shows that Americans are lazy. I know, right? I mean, who would’ve thought? In all seriousness this plays a part in scheduling, because it also means people are literally too slothful to change channels. The thinking behind this is if you have one wildly successful show and another that’s either struggling or new and you put the one that needs help immediately following the one that is successful (or even better, sandwich it between TWO successful shows) the struggling series will increase its viewers simply because people won’t change the station. It works, too. Using NBC as an example, their Thursday night lineup consisted of Friends (7-7:30), Will & Grace (7:30-8), Seinfeld (then Fraiser) (8-8:30) and E.R. (9-10) for years. The show they landed on for the 8:30-9 slot, Just Shoot Me, was actually a terrible show but one we remember simply because people didn’t change the channel between Seinfeld and E.R. A current example would be CBS starting The Big Bang Theory sandwiched between How I Met Your Mother and Two and A Half Men. People started watching because it was on between to highly rated shows, and now that it has established itself as a powerhouse, CBS has moved it to anchor their Thursday nights.

I started thinking about this after Fox announced their decision to move Fringe to Friday nights. The optimistic among the fans say it doesn’t matter, that the people who love the show will keep watching. In theory, this is correct, and I know I’ll still be setting my DVR. I can’t say enough about this series. Fringe, in my opinion, isn’t just a good show. It’s a great show. It’s the freshest, best written, most highly conceived, fabulously acted series on television right now.

None of that is going to matter.

After all, we have to make room for American Idol on Thursday nights. That was sarcasm. American Idol is the show that deserves the bump to Fridays, not Fringe.

With the move to Friday nights, I predict we’ll get 2-3 more seasons (and that may be optimistic) out of J.J Abrams and his wonderful cast and writers. The problem is, they’ve lost their access to all three points above. People don’t watch Friday night shows with their friends, and they’re not at work to talk about them the next day. New viewers are unlikely to find the show both because they’ve lost the lead in of Bones (a show that’s declining but still has a loyal group of viewers), and they’ve acquired the stigma of a Friday night series.

I think it’s crappy. I think it’s heartbreaking, and when it comes down the cancellation of this show will be one of those moments when loyal, smart viewers question how the network execs could get it so wrong. Why the shows we love and never, ever miss get cancelled and shows like American Idol and C.S.I., in all of its incarnations, are left to bleed dry.

I don’t have the answers, and if they do they’re not telling. What about you?

For television reviews and interviews, click here.

Images courtesy of Fox/IMDbPro and Sonja Flemming/CBS.

The Real Housewives of Atlanta: It’s A Spa Date!

‘Tis the season to bite heads off! Falalalala lalalala! For the first time all season, our two newbies had all eyes on them and were smack dab in the middle of all that juicy drama. I dare say this was the most exciting and hilarious episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta yet.

You’d think a spa would be the perfect mini-vacay to loosen Kandi up. (Kim is so lazy that she would be asleep if she even had a quarter of a valium, so no loosening up is ever necessary.) The truth was that there’d be no rest and relaxation this week, and when the ladies all met up, the pleasantries lasted about three minutes.

Earlier, Cynthia and Nene took a trip to the museum to check out her wedding venue. I like Cynthia more and more every episode. It’s bizarre to get married under a T-Rex, and it’s a little weird to draw up a fake, friendship contract, but she’s different and a little bit of an oddball. I like the strange ones. Nene preemptively confessed to showing Kim the contract and thinking she was smoking the wacky tobacky. And Cynthia voiced her disappointment, but the two were joking about it in the end. Nene claimed Cynthia was childlike, but I think taking that contract so seriously and making fun of her behind her back was more high school. And Kim could probably care less, but at the spa, she just wanted to stir the pot.

Kim took it to mean girl proportions when she said that she was truly worried for Nene’s fate. To Kim, it was highly possible that Cynthia would go Swim Fan on Nene. The fact that the contract would be null in void only by death weirded Kim out. Cynthia had the best argument of the night, albeit during a confessional. “Let’s talk about me being weirded out. I’m weirded out by the fact that you think you can sing. I’m weirded out that you wear a wig. And I’m also weirded out that you had a full on relationship with a married man! So what’s next?” The yelling began just as the spa assistant walked in, looked horrified and walked right back out again because they needed a minute. By the end of it, Kim vowed to smoke for the rest of her life, but said it like it was a win to mark down in her column. Then, it was Phaedra’s turn. Last week, Phaedra heard gossip about her alien baby and confronted Cynthia. This week, she wasted no time laying into the true culprit Kim. What ensued was a tête-à-tête between two hardheaded and ridiculous ladies. Phaedra wanted Kim to keep her mouth shut. Valid point. Kim pointed out that she wasn’t the only one in the room to talk about the baby. True, though not necessarily valid. Kim indicated that she used to be a nurse. And… Phaedra doesn’t talk about Big Papa’s house going into foreclosure. You had that one…until now… Kim certainly doesn’t bring up Apollo and his record. UNTIL NOW… Everything began spiraling out of control as the other housewives just looked on and laughed. The spa lady returned, still horrified, and broke things up just when it was about to get good! I know a place where you can put your stupid relaxation drama-blocker!

On a less dramatic and more realistic note, Nene is going through a divorce but has chosen not to really share her feeling or emotions over it. Kandi, as a musician, is quite the opposite. Her life and emotions and music and work are all intertwined so I am truly touched when she opens up about hard times. Recording her song about A.J., the fiancé she lost, was obviously emotional for her, and it made me emotional in turn. Reality shows don’t normally make me a sucker, but after watching 90% absurdity, this 10% of sadness definitely got to me for a bit…

Okay, now that’s over. Things look mighty good when we come back from break, as the ladies head down to Miami for Kandi and Kim’s tour and to throw Cynthia a mini-bachelorette party. See you in 2011, and Happy Holidays! And don’t forget the comical quotes I stuffed into your holiday stockings!

QUOTABLES

“I’m glad that Baker came out. She could stand to get a few things done.” – Kim

“What if he has a small weewee? I’ll just run like hell.” – Kim

“Phaedra puts up a front that she’s this southern belle, but she knows a man who makes a living by sucking on his own wee-wee?” – Kim

“Girl, one minute Nene is choking you and the next minute you’re protecting her. You need to just protect yourself, honey.” – Kandi

“Now, he has baby acne. What can I put on it…nothing…you can’t take picture lookin’ like that.” – Phaedra

“Kim, your whole lifestyle is a lie.” – Phaedra

“Jay-Z’s in Europe. Janet Jackson’s on the moon.” – Nene

“Do they have Oprah Winfrey on here? They really done lost their mind.” – Nene

“Phaedra comes and attacks me. Why? I’ll tell you why. Nene’s gonna strangle her. Sheree would pull her hair. Cynthia…give her some f–ed up contract. So she picks on me.” – Kim

Season 3, Episode 12:  Not So Fine Print (originally aired December 19, 2010)

2010 TV Yearbook

2010 was quite a year. The New Orleans Saints’ defeat over the Colts surpassed M*A*S*H as the most watched telecast in history. South Park hit the 200-episode mark. America finally met Matt Smith as the Eleventh Doctor of the Doctor Who series. Facebook fans landed Betty White on Saturday Night Live, and she never left us. Law & Order was canceled after failing to beat Gunsmoke’s 20-season record and without much network supported fanfare. Both Steve Carell and Larry King confirmed they’ll be leaving The Office and Larry King Live, respectively, within a day of each other. Tons of viewers across the country suffered through carriage disputes. Oprah entered her final season, sending dozens of audience members to Australia, and began to advertise OWN. Hopefully, OWN won’t go through tons of carriage disputes in the near future. It’s hard to imagine how a smart and intriguing show like Lone Star was canceled after two episodes while $#*! My Dad Says is still going strong, but that’s the nonsensical life of 2010 television.

BEST BOW-OUT: Lost

BEST KEPT SECRET: Community

BIGGEST CRAZE RUN AMOK: I’m with Coco

BEST CROSSOVER: The Walking Dead

A Chat With Tom Wheeler, The Mind Behind NBC’s “The Cape”

NBC is premiering a new mid-season show this January, and it’s one I’ve been excited about since I saw the pilot and interviewed the cast at Comic-Con (article here). Below is NBC’s official synopsis of The Cape:

“The Cape is a one-hour drama series starring David Lyons (ER) as Vince Faraday, an honest cop on a corrupt police force, who finds himself framed for a series of murders and presumed dead. He is forced into hiding, leaving behind his wife Dana (Jennifer Ferrin, Life on Mars) and son, Trip (Ryan Wynott, FlashForward). Fueled by a desire to reunite with his family and to battle the criminal forces that have overtaken Palm City, Vince Faraday becomes The Cape – his son’s favorite comic book superhero – and takes the law into his own hands.”

This past week I had the opportunity to sit in on a conference call with the creator/producer of the show, Tom Wheeler. I recalled his genuine, infectious enthusiasm from Comic-Con, and found myself eager to talk with him again, and to listen to him talk about his show. He’s so obviously proud and excited about what he’s created, and that feeling transfers itself to everyone around. I’m looking forward to the premiere more than ever.

Tom Wheeler is a self-professed “lifelong comic book fan,” the type who grew up loving comic books and superhero stories, the guy who attended Comic-Con as a fan long before he found himself in the position of invited guest. He always thought it would be cool to create an entire universe, something new and unique but still recognizable. Palm City, the fictional setting for The Cape, was born from this desire. In a detail I absolutely adore, Vince Faraday hides out in Trolley Park, the “poorest, the sort of real squalor of Palm City.” Trolley parks are “where carnivals were more or less invented. They were at the end of the trolley to sort of lure people to use the trolley.” Wheeler describes his Trolley Park as “kind of a Blade Runner-ish world that is – we imagine it’s almost like a kingdom…we put the carnival of crime at the end of what is this sort of community of almost like a gypsy encampment community underneath what were the old trolley tunnels.”

This description is evocative and lurid and dark – and I only imagine the visuals will do it justice.

As far as the characters go, he wanted “larger than life characters” while at the same time “see if we can maintain a really sort of strong emotional thread throughout and kind of what’s some of the great character driven superhero stuff…”

As someone who favors character and dialogue-driven plots as opposed to explosions and gore, I like the way this sounds. I like it a lot.

And man, have they compiled a supporting cast with the ability to pull off some fantastic bad guys, good guys, and the ones who can go either way. A portion of the cast centers around a gang of circus performers who moonlight as bank robbers and include Vinnie Jones (X-Men: The Last Stand), Keith David (There’s Something About Mary, Armageddon), and Martin Klebba (Pirates of the Caribbean). Summer Glau (Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Dollhouse) plays Orwell, an investigative blogger who knows The Cape’s true identity and wants to help him return to his life. Wheeler describes her as “…almost like an Alias character. She plays a lot of different characters. She uses a lot of different disguises. She’s a woman who’s been on the run for a long time and is really pretty mercenary.” Cool, right?

As far as villains go, it sounds like we are going to get some great guest appearances (he let it slip that Mena Suvari is scheduled to play a character named Dice in an early episode), so it should be exciting to see who might crop up as the show finds its footing. James Frain (True Blood, Where the Heart Is) is cast as The Cape’s arch nemesis and plays a “billionaire, corporate titan…but he moonlights as this sort of psychopath terrorist. He’s a real – he’s this character of Chess, this sort of dual identity that he has who is a killer and a master strategist and…embraces those comic book larger than life figures.”

The Cape itself is also an object of great interest, and does possess some superpowers of its own.  The physical Cape has “a history and a mythology…the Cape has a darker history than we might realize.”

Tom Wheeler talked quite a bit about science fiction, comic books, superheroes, and the types of things he loved to read and see as a child. It’s clear this project isn’t something that just came to him, but is born of a passion that’s developed inside him for a lifetime. Though he originally saw The Cape as a feature film, he claims the novelist in him is happy to have a longer plot and character arcs to work with in a series. Although it is a superhero story, it’s also the story of a regular man trying to get back to his family. The way Wheeler sees it playing out is that the fact that Vince doesn’t actually possess powers on his own “will bring us deeper into our characters. There’s a fugitive aspect to this story about a guy trying to get home…even though there is an adventure of the week aspect there is still, for those who will tune in every week, undercurrents of change and developments that will sometimes…change and reverse course.”

Tidbits:

-       They are planning some parallel online concepts, such as actual comic book stories of The Cape and Orwell’s blog, with more interactive options being considered.

-       The X-Men, Green Arrow, and Daredevil comics were Wheeler’s favorite as a boy.

-       He loves the storyline of Dana, Vince Faraday’s wife, because “her story is very heroic without having all sort of superhero trappings. Her story is just as heroic and her journey in some ways is just as dangerous and just as compelling.

-       He cast David Lyons because of his incredibly sexy Aussie accent. No. Wait, that’s why I would pick David Lyons out of a roomful of folks. Tom Wheeler cast David because “he was the only one that convinced me…his conviction and his sincerity immediately brought the scenes to a place where you can only sort of hope they go.”

-       Bear McCreary does the score and original music for the show. You might know his work from things like Battlestar Galactica, Caprica, Eureka, and The Walking Dead. Wheeler thinks “the show is going to sound outstanding…it’s a big, full orchestra sound that I just think he manages to ride this emotional wave through his music and through the show that is – that doesn’t shy away from the emotion but it also doesn’t spoon feed it.”

-       The tagline for the show, which I sort of love as it gives me chills, is Suit Up. Fight Back.

I, for one, am totally pumped and ready for this show to pop on the air. If I (or Tom) have convinced you to tune in as well, you can catch the pilot in a two-hour premiere January 9, 2011 from 9-11pm EST on NBC. An encore will run Monday, January 10 at the same time, then the show will move to its regularly scheduled timeslot (Mondays at 9pm EST) on January 17, 2011.

For television reviews and interviews, click here.

Images courtesy of Frank Ockenfels, Justin Lubin, and NBC.

TRON: Legacy Review – The CyberDude Abides

TRON: Legacy Review – The CyberDude Abides

Those unfamiliar with the 1982 cult classic TRON needn’t worry about being too uninformed to stand in line outside their nearest IMAX theater and enjoy the 28-years-in-the-making sequel, TRON: Legacy. Although the highly anticipated visual effects extravaganza has been on every A.V. nerd’s radar since the first teaser debuted at Comic-Con two years ago, the folks at Disney have made sure the general moviegoing public will gladly don the required 3-D glasses and enjoy the stupefyingly stunning aesthetics without having to wrap their heads around any meddling philosophical subtext. Like its predecessor, Tron: Legacy neither posits itself as Brave New Cyberworld social commentary a la Blade Runner or The Matrix, nor does it pander to the audience in attempt to generate tenuous pathos (I’m looking at you, Avatar). Rather, first-time director Joseph Koskinski uses his knack for sensory stimuli and focuses on keeping viewers’ eyes and ears busy while their brains kick back and enjoy the ride. No James Cameron-esque proselytizing here, although real sci-fi fans may bemoan the film’s lack of a cohesive narrative or intellectual nuance in spite of its mind-blowing technical prowess.

Tron: Legacy opens with an obligatory flashback to 1989 as computer whiz Kevin Flynn (Jeff Bridges) disappears after reaching a breakthrough in his research on the future of digital programming. In his absence, his young son, Sam (Garrett Hedlund), grows up to be a rebellious, motorcycle-riding ne’er-do-well whose primary contribution to his father’s company (now the epitome of Fortune 500 corporate megalomania, and the antithesis of Kevin’s intended vision) is leaking their newest software once a year. Kevin’s former business partner (Bruce Boxleitner) urges Sam to step up to the plate and seize Encom from the evil clutches of the profit-focused bureaucrats who now run the joint, but Caltech dropout Sam is too busy evading the cops and brooding inside his converted garage apartment to accept his rightful responsibilities.

When Sam catches wind of a mysterious message sent from his dad’s dusty, long-abandoned arcade, however, curiosity gets the better of him. As he discovers a hidden office containing the computerized contents of his dad’s life’s work, Sam is suddenly zapped into the Grid and the visual feast begins. If you haven’t engaged your suspension of disbelief by now, this is arguably the appropriate time. The nondescript, geometric landscape his father had created nearly three decades earlier now has a distinctly darker tone of dazzling, blacklit dystopia than the drab 1982 version, but as Sam is thrust into the throbbing pulse of competition the Grid’s programs thrive on, he and the audience learn that Kevin Flynn’s influence has been unwelcome for some time. Clu, the digitized doppelganger he originally produced in order to execute the “perfect program,” has instead developed a mind of its own, so to speak, taken over control of the Grid and exiled Kevin. Sam’s mission is to now unlock the portal linking the Grid and the real world, enabling him to rescue his father and destroy Clu from the outside. Of course, the wide-eyed wiles of Kevin’s Jules Verne-loving protégée, Quorra (Olivia Wilde), get her invited along for the adventure. Michael Sheen, channeling his inner David Bowie, provides an entertaining, scenery-chewing sidebar as a flamboyantly devious nightclub entrepreneur with ulterior motives.

While the real Kevin Flynn has aged into a grizzled, meditating Dude over the years (“You’re really messing with my Zen thing, man,” he tells Sam), Clu remains a replica of the thirty-something Bridges from 1982 in the most strangely jarring use of anti-aging CGI wizardry since the technology’s inception. Still shots of Clu seem initially impressive, but the uncanny valley effect created when he begins to speak is reminiscent of the creepy humanoids seen in The Polar Express. The stunted dichotomy between this subpar technical effort and the rapturous results of every other visual endeavor is admittedly disappointing, but quickly forgotten as the gleaming neon ribbons trailing the lightcycle chases cause an immediate diversion. Ditto the stilted dialogue. For every groan suppressed in response to one moronic line after another (I accompanied Sam’s clichéd description of a sunrise with my own silent narration: “Warm…bright…” he begins. For the love of God, don’t say beautiful, I think to myself. “…beautiful.” Oh, for crying out loud.), the welcome thump of Daft Punk’s brilliantly adept score brings a welcome auditory distraction.

Attempting to dissect the merits of Tron: Legacy from a storytelling standpoint prove difficult, as the story is simply not the focus of the movie. Without resorting to dismiss Tron: Legacy as another style-over-substance exercise in what a bloated budget and malnourished script will produce, I will instead recommend it as an experience along the lines of a thrilling theme park ride rather than an intellectually stimulating journey.  While I left the theater stunned and in need of visual readjustment to real life, the exhilaration the movie created faded as quickly as the excitement of a roller coaster. That being said, I also wanted to get right back in line.

« Previous Page — Next Page »