Burn Notice Review: The Fear of Loving a Spy

Last week on Burn Notice, we watched as Michael Weston finally learned the names of the people who burned him. But far from the joyous vengeance-filled moment this was supposed to be, Michael and crew found themselves neck up in a world of disaster and danger that threatens to bring them to their knees. As their list of enemies grows longer, Michael has a terrible choice to make: let the people who burned him go free or continue his quest and put the lives of everyone he loves in danger. This week on Burn Notice, Michael makes his decision, but what happens with his choice leads his greatest enemy to his front door.

After last week’s big moment, Michael and Jessie make plans to hand over the list to someone trusted in the government. Jessie contacts his former handler Marv and makes a deal to turn over the list if Marv can get both Jessie and Michael back in the spy game. Marv is a little hesitant, because although he trusts Jessie, he still views Michael as the guy who got his spy, Jessie, burned. To help smooth things over, Mike decides to meet up with Marv to convince the handler to trust him. This isn’t easy, as Marv pretty much thinks Michael is a complete liar and to prove it Marv hooks Mike up to a polygraph and demands that Michael go on record with everything he knows about the people who burned him. Apparently satisfied, Marv promises to pass on the list to someone safe.

In other news this week, Sam tries to track down a suspected dirty cop who also happens to be a friend of his. Two weeks ago, Kevin, the cop, shot two drug dealers and fled the state with their cocaine. While the police seem content with his story, his wife Claire and Pete, his partner, are not satisfied. They seem sure that Kevin would not do something like this. It’s pretty easy for Sam to find the first step in finding Kevin. After looking through Kevin’s phone records, Sam notices several suspicious calls which he tracks to Ted, a local drug dealer. With Michael, Jessie, and Fiona’s help Sam kidnaps Ted and holds him hostage in a storage bin. Under the threat of a very slow, painful death, Ted confesses to killing Kevin at the behest of Kevin’s partner, and the actual dirty cop, Pete. Turns out Pete killed those drug dealers and stole the cocaine with the intention of selling the drugs with Ted’s help. Kevin became suspicious over his partner’s deeds, and in response Pete ordered Ted to kill him. Sam is distraught about this information and almost tears Ted’s head off right there. Michael pulls him back and says the best way to help Kevin now is to clear his name.

Using Ted, the crew set up a meeting between Pete and Michael as Ray, an out of town drug dealer who can move the cocaine. With the threat of death and a ring of fire, Ray coerces Pete to cut him in on the deal. Convincing him that Kevin is alive, Ted is dead, and Internal Affairs, in the form of Jessie and Fi is sniffing around, the gang adds a ton of pressure, giving Pete a reason to move the drugs fast. He calls up Michael/Ray to finish the job today. But instead of a drug deal it’s a trap, and Pete tries to blow Michael up. Thanks to a heads up from Fi and Sam, Michael escapes and takes off after Pete. When he finally catches him Ray is pissed and ready to kill. To get himself out of it, Pete tries to convince Ray/Michael to let him plant the drugs at Kevin’s house so that the police won’t come looking after them. Michael is all for this plan, in fact he backdoor manipulated him into this plan so that Sam, along with a swarm of police could catch him planting the drugs. So, the culprit’s caught and Kevin’s record is cleared.

Back to the list: the women in Michael’s life react to the possibility that the man they love may be putting himself back into a job that caused strained relationships. When Madelyn finds out, she’s upset because Michael didn’t tell her, he just left her in the dark about something so monumentally important to his life. In her mind is all the times when due to his spy work, Michael left her completely ignorant of his life and welfare. Over the past four years, Michael and Madelyn have been working at building their relationship to something resembling a mother/son friendship. Now with the possibility of his return to spying, she’s obviously troubled by the possibility of going back to their barren relationship where she doesn’t even know how he is or even what country he is in. Fiona, as well, doesn’t like the idea of Michael going back into spying but she is willing to help him clear his burn notice and get back in the agency. When Michael confronts her over her dislike for his job, she tells him that while she hates his job she wants him to be able to have a choice in whether he continues or not. She’s all but telling him that she wants him clear so that he can choose to not work for the agency. In a way, she wants him to choose her. Later when Madelyn asks Fiona why she continues to help Michael after all the stress his job put them (Madelyn and Fi) through, Fiona tells Madelyn that she refuses to stop helping Michael even though “he did worse to me.” I love this scene and seeing how Michael’s decision affects the two women who love him. Both these women are looking at the possibility of losing him and their opposing reactions to this really shows the starkness of their fight. After 4 years working side-by-side with him, how do they face the possibility of losing him now?

For the drop off, Michael and Jessie meet up with Marv to pass over the drive with the list of names on it. Marv takes the list from Michael and hands it over to some guys in Homeland Security coats. When Michael asks if he is sure that these guys can be trusted, Marv assures him that they can. Turns out they can’t because as soon as Marv gives them the drive, they pull out their guns and shoot him. As they are making their escape, Michael looks into the getaway car and sees Tyler Brennan, arms dealer and “our worse nightmare.”

Next week, is Burn Notice’s 2 HOUR season finale. Stay tuned as Michael’s most dangerous enemies return.

Season 4, Episode 16: Dead or Alive (originally aired December 9, 2010)

For more on Burn Notice, click here.

Thursdays at 10/9c on USA Network.

Images courtesy of USA Network.

Bones Review: I’m Sorry, But No. Just No.

So, I know people liked last night’s episode of Bones. I am not one of them. I’ve been a huge proponent of this show returning to its roots and not pretending to be something it’s not. In my humble little opinion, the writers and actors have the talent to pull off forays into uncharted territories (like the Season 4 finale). Lately, though, these writers have proven over and over again that they no longer have the level of commitment and interest necessary to succeed at this type of challenge.

I sat down pretty curious on Thursday night after seeing some hype on Twitter and Facebook surrounding what was touted as an “emotional” episode. A dead body is found buried under a tree in a seedy corner of town, and the deceased turns out to be a wildly respected cardiac surgeon who went missing almost a year prior. Brennan (Emily Deschanel) wonders aloud how they didn’t hear of the disappearance of such a well educated, respected individual and the investigator shrugs and tells her the facts. Without a husband, children, or friends there weren’t a whole lot of people to notice – or care.

Here Brennan breaks character, and like previous episodes where she acted different, this doesn’t work for me. She begins to identify with the murder victim, to the point of seeing herself in the photograph, in the victim’s voice, as well as her lifestyle. Booth (David Boreanaz) doesn’t see the resemblance, but he and the rest of the Jeffersonian staff grow more and more concerned over Bones’ erratic behavior.

And she is behaving erratically. She argues with Angela (Michaela Conlin), has imaginary conversations with the deceased – out loud, stops sleeping, taints evidence at a crime scene, and snaps at Booth and Hannah (Katheryn Winnick). When the case leads them to the conclusion that the victim wound up in the bad part of town to buy heroin, Bones cannot accept that this woman would buy drugs, because she, Brennan, would never buy drugs. She demands that Cam (Tamara Taylor) and Hodgins (T.J. Thyne) come up with a secondary hypothesis on how the tree could show evidence of soaking up illegal narcotics because the drug addict theory doesn’t “feel right.”

Yeah, Bones used the word “feel” in connection with the case. Never. Happen.

A subplot arises in which Booth and Bones speak with an EMT who repeatedly asked the victim out on a date, only to be shot down every time. Through her imaginary conversation with the dead surgeon, Brennan comes by the knowledge that not giving the EMT a chance was the victim’s biggest regret in life. She even tells the EMT this toward the end of the show. His response is to smile and say thank you. Umm…don’t you think instead he would make some sort of suspicious face and demand to know how Brennan, who never met the woman, could be privy to her biggest regret?

The case is “solved” through Brennan’s mysterious knowledge of the deceased and the random advice on life and science doled out by the night watchman (Enrico Colontoni from Veronica Mars). In the process she’s nearly hit by a car as she kneels in the street, but Booth runs out from the shadows and saves her life…because he was following her in the middle of the night.

There are several reasons this episode didn’t work for me at all. First, the very obvious breaks in character by both Booth and Bones. It’s not the first time we’ve seen this happen, and in my opinion it’s destructive to the arcs of both the show and their individual characters. Brennan may have identified with the victim, but there is nothing in her past to suggest she would show her lack of professionalism to the degree exhibited in this episode. She would never, ever display the kind of irrational, unprofessional behavior they put her through in this episode. I’m sorry. I just don’t buy it.

Booth would never follow Bones around at night in a clandestine way. Their relationship is open, they talk about everything. He would confront her about the issues – which he does in a way when he sends Sweets to speak with her – but there is nothing in their past to suggest he would spy on her.

Then there’s the oh-so-emotional ending to the episode, when Bones finally realizes that she doesn’t want to regret not giving Booth a chance and confesses said regret to him in the car. Booth, obviously uncomfortable (and a nice piece of acting by them both), reminds her that he’s in a relationship and that Hannah is not a consolation prize. He loves her. Brennan cries, saying she missed her chance. Booth remains silent, until Brennan pulls it together and says she’ll adapt and move on. Booth responds, “I did.”

I will admit to you that I cried during this scene, but not because of them. Because I (and probably most people) have a similar, festering regret in my own past and the scene brought all of those locked down emotions bubbling to the surface. In fact, I had almost this exact conversation, and the pain of that moment when you understand he’s truly not waiting for you anymore is huge and raw. Still.

It was a well written, evocative scene – for different characters. That’s not a dig against either Emily or David’s acting abilities, which I think are above average, but just a comment that their characters don’t fit the conversation.

That’s not totally true. I think Booth acted exactly in line with his character arc. Bones, though. This whole episode was like someone else walking around in her body, and at times I expected to be told she was dreaming, that’s how far off the mark it felt. I contend that EVEN IF she realized she regretted not taking Booth up on his romantic proposition last year, she would not have acted on it in such a spontaneous manner. She’s analytical. She would have worked on the issue herself, maybe talked to Angela about it, but never to Booth. We’ve been shown over and over how much Brennan likes and admires Hannah, and now we’re to believe she would just try and sabotage her relationship without a second thought? Brennan doesn’t do anything without a second thought. And a third and fourth and fifth one, too.

The point of this episode was obviously to try and showcase the changes taking place in Brennan and get us to remember the relationship aspect of the show (like we could forget), but the result felt clumsy and forced. Brennan needs to evolve slooooooowly. There’s no way I believe that after almost six years of working together, she’s going to change in 3 days. I can’t believe it.

I won’t.

Season 6, Episode 9: The Doctor in the Photo (originally aired December 9, 2010)

For more on Bones, click here.

Thursdays at 8/7c on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox, IMDbPro.

Community Review: Christmas Done Right!

Tonight’s Community tackled its second holiday episode this season and just like the Halloween zombie breakout, the show’s cast and crew pulled off a phenomenal stop motion animation Christmas extravaganza. All of Greendale has been transformed into a claymation version of its former self, mimicking the look of the 1964 NBC holiday classic Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer.

After Abed claims that everything has been transformed into stop motion animation, the group, none of whom have noticed the change, decide it is time to get their good friend some help. After being tased during the opening musical number for jumping from car to car in the school’s parking lot, Abed is brought to the office of Professor Duncan, self-proclaimed Christmas Wizard, who wishes to put Abed under “Christmas-nosis” to understand what is going on in his head.

The group ventures to Planet Abed, the most Christmas-y planet in the universe. Its atmosphere is 7% cinnamon! On the planet’s surface the study group transforms into Christmas versions of themselves. There is Jeff-in-a-box, Troy Soldier (comes with drums, not a gun), Brittabot, Teddy Pierce, Baller-annie, and Baby Doll Shirley.

Abed wants to head to the North Pole, but Duncan forces the group to the Cave of Frozen Memories. The group reluctantly follows Abed down Gumdrop Road where they must band together to get to their destination otherwise they’ll be ejected Willy Wonka-style. Before you know it Duncan arrives and kicks Shirley out of Abed’s Christmas Wonderland for putting Abed down. Duncan summons a remote controlled Christmas Pterodactyl to take her away. Jeff is soon after ejected after being eaten alive by humbugs, creatures who are attracted to sarcasm. The best part of someone getting ejected from Planet Abed was the Oompa Loompa-like songs sung after a member of the party departed.

As the episode progresses viewers get to learn more about Abed’s family life and why the holidays mean so much. With his parents divorced, Abed’s mother comes to visit every year on December 9th. They would sit together and share an annual tradition of watching Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer. As the airdate is December 9th the show gets meta yet again with Abed saying the date must be wrong, it must be the 8th or another day since his mother never showed up.

At the North Pole Abed and Pierce find a present labeled “Meaning of Christmas.” Buried within the box is the first season of Lost, leading to one of the funniest digs at the series:

Abed – “It’s the first season of Lost on DVD.”

Pierce – “That’s the meaning of Christmas?”

Abed – “No, it’s a metaphor. Represents lack of payoff.”

Duncan appears revealing Abed turned the world into stop motion animation and used it as a mechanism to find the real meaning behind the holiday to escape from the truth. His mother wasn’t coming. She had found a new family and wasn’t going to make it this year. The revelation causes Abed to freeze over.

The study group shows up and battles Duncan away with their Christmas weapons while singing about what Christmas means to them. Yvette Nicole Brown (Shirley) definitely has an amazing voice! This helps unfreeze Abed allowing him to realize the meaning of Christmas. “I get it. The meaning of Christmas is the idea that Christmas has meaning. And it can mean whatever we want. For me it used to mean being with my mom. Now it means being with you guys. Thanks, Lost.”

“Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas” is easily my favorite Christmas episode from any show. The episode had it all. Musical numbers that were short, sweet and funny, imaginative versions of the show’s characters, and a remarkable animation job by 23DFilms. The train scene blew me away. Even Lost Producer Damon Lindelof tweeted about the dig at his show. “Okay, COMMUNITY. It’s ON!!!! Now if only I had a show to zing you back. And if only you weren’t awesome. Sigh…”

Overall another fantastic episode from Community.

Final Grade – A

Favorite Quotes

Annie – “Well I’m taking a relaxation course next semester and I was going to take the break to do all the reading in advance.”

Troy – “Who taught you therapy? Michael Jackson’s dad?”

Jeff – “Somewhere out there Tim Burton just got a boner.”

Abed – “You lied to lure me into a group therapy session?” Pierce - “Surprise!”

Abed – “It’s the first season of Lost on DVD.” Pierce – “That’s the meaning of Christmas?” Abed – “No, it’s a metaphor. Represents lack of payoff.”

Season 2, Episode11: Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas (originally aired December 9, 2010)

For more television reviews and interviews, click here.

Images courtesy of NBC Universal.

I Love You Phillip Morris Punches Scarlett O’Hara Right In Her Smug Mouth

Making Jim Carrey watchable isn’t easy. That isn’t necessarily a dig. When his energy is channeled properly, he can imbue his roles with a compelling, loose-limbed charm - see The Truman Show, The Mask, Man on the Moon. Let go of the leash, though, and there’s equal danger of a deep, sliding wobble into mawkishness (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Majestic, Simon Birch) or spending two hours of your life watching a grown man make funny faces (Yes Man, Me, Myself & Irene). If you’re really unlucky, you get both. I’m looking at you, Liar Liar.

But he’s a name, and he’s got a certain relentless charisma, and this is a film that premiered in North America a year after debuting at Sundance and going through several distributors (after possibly excising some extra-gay gay sex scenes). So when I say that Jim Carrey is definitely the worst part of I Love You Phillip Morris and even he is watchable in it – well, that’s not bad for a movie that couldn’t buy its way into a theater six months ago.

Because, team – and there’s no escaping it – this movie is GAY. Gay, ghey, geigh, gai, gae, geiheihei. A bloodied Jim Carrey screaming “faggot” while being loaded into an ambulance. Slow dancing in prison. Tiny dogs and tinier shirts. Even some nautical cock-sucking. Can I say cock-sucking here? We’ll find out. And (SPOILER ALERT) nobody dies, cries, or apologizes for being in love with someone of the same gender. Congratulations, 2010 movies. It’s officially 1992 where you are!

But you GUYS. Most importantly! Ewan McGregor is an angel-faced twink for the ages. He is a blushing, fey revelation – Blanche DuBois filtered through Jack Twist – Laura Wingfield drizzled in bourbon and sex. I half-expected him to pull a fan out of his jumpsuit and flutter it under his DAMN COQUETTE EYES. Every time he breathed out a syrup-and-swish-soaked line was like a direct slap to Vivien Leigh‘s (dead) face. “You know what they do to blonde-haired, blue-eyed queers in the yard?” he purrs to Carrey’s Stephen Russell on their first meeting, and somewhere Lauren Bacall’s heart skips a beat.

And Stephen and Phillip fall in love. And they buy shit. Like comically small dogs and grossly oversized watches and it’s totally awesome. They have sex on yachts and escape from jail and have screaming matches outside of hospitals and they buy some more shit, and it’s totally awesome.

Leslie Mann turns in a beautiful performance as Stephen’s confused but loving (deeply Christian) ex-wife, an increasingly distant presence in progressively affectionate calls from prison and Key West and prison. She’s outclassed from the beginning by Stephen’s outsized capacity for sex and stealing: “Is the gay thing and stealing something that goes hand in hand?” she asks him in confusion at the outset (it’s not, but of course it sort of is). Maybe someday Mann will get a role that showcases her talents beyond wonderfully underplaying bemused/irritated wives. Probably not, though!

There are some fumbling attempts at pathos toward the final third of the movie that make for a cloying shift in tone, but the real emotional center is the relationship between Stephen and Phillip. There’s enough Bonnie and Clyde, enough scams and matching sports cars and boat sex, to temper the anguish of being gay con men in love, so that the story never really gets weighed down. I don’t think I ever imagined I would be describing a love story between Ewan McGregor and Jim Carrey as the “emotional center” of anything, but there you are.

The Vampire Diaries Review: Full Moon Rising

With the holidays fast approaching we find most series hitting their mid-season cliffhanger points where the drama gets ratcheted up to 11 just so that they can leave us hanging for a month or two. This week, it is The Vampire Diaries turn to make us squirm and I’m happy to report that cast and crew did not disappoint.

In last week’s turn of events we saw Stefan sacrifice himself and get locked inside the tomb with Katherine while Elena unsuccessfully tried to sacrifice herself by turning herself into the minions of Klaus. In light of this Bonnie, Jeremy, and Damon have ensured that Elena remains under house arrest while Bonnie works on breaking the curse of the moonstone with her new warlock friend, Luca.

More importantly though, the full moon is upon Mystic Falls and that means it is time for Tyler to finally make his first transformation into a werewolf. In a bout of last minute jitters he tries calling his Uncle Mason again for advice but when he tries to leave a voicemail it is heard by a mysterious woman named Jules who immediately hightails it from Florida to seek out this young new werewolf. When she arrives and starts asking about Mason, it calls attention to the fact that he has actually been missing this entire time. The alarm is sounded and word of this gets to Damon who immediately teams up with Alaric to figure out who this Jules character is.

Suspecting that Jules might be another werewolf, they make a comically bad attempt to suss her out by hitting on her at the bar and slipping some wolf’s bane into her drink. It’s nice to know that if this supernatural business doesn’t work out for them, that neither would make a good date rapist because she suspects their plan immediately, outs herself as a werewolf, and tells Damon to watch his back. Three snaps in a Z formation!

Elena, meanwhile, gets a shock when dim Aunt Jenna invites Elijah into the house to do some historical research. I have to say, they would all be in a lot better shape if they just shared what was happening with Jenna, because one of these days she’s going to get someone straight up killed. Luckily, Elijah wants to play nice and make a bargain with Elena because, as he admits, he actually isn’t that fond of Klaus and wants to use Elena to weed him out of hiding and kill him. So she agrees but has one condition…

Need I really explain? It doesn’t take a brain surgeon to figure out what Elena wants but I’ll give you a hint: he’s dreamy and locked up in a tomb with her evil doppelganger. We actually see very little of Stefan and Katherine interacting in the tomb with the exception of a sexy dream sequence where they get it on again for old time’s sake. You can see that they both have a little lust burning inside for each other (can you blame them?) but things stay friendly-ish until Elijah shows up and frees Stefan from the tomb leaving Katherine alone once again to her own devices.

In fear of an impending werewolf attack, Damon returns home to find Rose waiting for him. She kind of went AWOL last week when Elijah showed up so it was nice to see that she is still in the game. Well…it might be short-lived though since Jules busts into the house in wolf form and takes a big ole bite out of Rose! We have learned that a werewolf bite is fatal to vampires so we expect her to die immediately but are shocked to see her wound heal. Unfortunately, hours later when she and Damon start to get it on, the wound starts to fester and blister. I give poor old Rose two or three more episodes tops.

The main event of this episode though, of course, is the long-awaited transformation of Tyler into a werewolf. To protect innocent people from getting hurt, he and Caroline go out into the woods together to the weird Lockwood dungeon place where he can do his thing in peace. I have to say I’m not one for S&M or bondage but seeing Tyler naked and all chained up was something special indeed. I apologize if that is TMI, but you know you were all thinking it too!

Anyway…Tyler undergoes the very painful transformation and it is quite frankly horrible. The sound of his bones snapping, the chains clanging, and his screams of pain were quite effective and horrible to watch. And how could you not want to hug Caroline for being so sweet to him through the process – even when he tries to eat her! I like very much where this story is going and can’t wait to see them inevitably become a couple. Insert your sighs for poor Matt here.

All in all, I have to say I’ve quite enjoyed this second season as we’ve reached the half-way point. There is a strong dramatic line and better character arcs this year and it’s paying off in a big way. There is much to explore and unravel in the remaining 11 episodes including the eventual appearance of Klaus, who I can’t wait to hear whom they’ve found to play. In my mind I kind of picture George Hamilton but he’s probably too tan to play undead so I guess I’ll just have to wait and see. The show doesn’t return until January 27, so post your predictions below for what you think happens next to help pass the time. Until then, happy guessing!

Season 2, Episode 11: By the Light of the Moon (originally aired December 9, 2010)

For more on The Vampire Diaries, click here.

Thursdays at 8/7c on The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Quantrell Colbert, and Annette Brown.

Top Chef All-Stars Review: It’s Open Season

We can thank Ms. Jennifer Carroll for an explosive episode of Top Chef where she went a little crazy defending her dish and then got kicked off. In this case I disagree with the judges again and don’t think she should have gone home, especially because she actually cooked unlike a certain partner of hers. But before we get to that, let’s rewind to the beginning.

The chefs walk into the kitchen and who’s waiting for them? Joe Jonas of the famed Jonas Brothers. Yes poor Joe though was on the shorter side next to Padma, who may or may not have been wearing heels that day.

The chefs were given a quickfire challenge of creating a dish for children sleeping over at the American Museum of Natural History. They had to keep in mind that there would be no utensils and the food would have to be in brown paper bags.

Unfortunately Joe was tied between Spike’s homemade potato and carrot chips with mascarpone and marshmallow dip and Tiffani’s Rice Krispie Treat snowball with malted milk and graham crackers. To determine the winner, Spike and Tiffani were going to make the treats for the kids at the museum and let them decide. They split into two teams with mostly girls with Tiffani plus Dale Levitski, and the boys with Spike plus Carla.

In the end chocolate trumped chips and Tiffani won.

The chefs had to remain at the museum because they were going to be cooking breakfast for the kids as their elimination challenge. While most of the girls took a nap, the guys took their flashlights and roamed around the museum for a little while. Honestly I would have done that too because how often do you get to do that? While conventional wisdom might have been to get more rest for the challenge, it would have been worth it.

As an added little obstacle the teams had to pick between either a carnivore (T-Rex) or herbivore (Brontosaurus) diet. Tiffani chose the T-Rex meaning that her team would only be able to cook with meat and eggs while Spike’s team would get fruits, vegetables and grains. This was an oversight for Tiffani’s group though because they somehow thought they would have access to grains as well.

Though the lines for team T-Rex was longer, team Brontosaurus won. The winning dish was the banana parfait with seasonal fruit and tandoori maple, co-created by Marcel, Angelo, and Blais. Blais was the only one who wasn’t shown on camera declaring his genius at having a hand in the winning dish. But I’m not complaining because the ego battle between Marcel and Angelo is a thing of beauty. Separately these two individuals are annoying as heck, but together they almost cancel each other out simply because they get on each others nerves instead. That, dear readers, entertains me.

Things took a turn in the feisty department when the losing team came to judges’ table. Tiffani was just annoying. Jamie had bailed earlier and didn’t cook anything because she got cut and needed to get stitches. Jen just totally lost it. She vigorously defended her dish to the judges to the bitter end. It was both shocking and amusing to see her nearly scream back at Tom and guest judge Katie Lee. It was even harder to watch her get sent home with a hysterical burst of laughter from being shocked that had happened.

The judges felt her braised bacon and hard-boiled eggs were just bland. Even if they were bland, she shouldn’t have gotten the boot if you compare it to Jamie who didn’t even cook at all. It doesn’t make any sense. Between sending out bad food and no food at all, isn’t the latter worse? Yes, both judges and contestants keep saying if it’s not good don’t serve it, but it’s a cooking contest and ergo you should be cooking something. Or did she get the axe because she went a little bonkers on the judges? I’m betting it’s the latter.

So Jen for all her angry ranting should not have gone home. She left the stew room still crying out her frustrations in the hallway. Unfortunately that she had to be the second loser.

Season 8, Episode 2: Night at the Museum (originally aired December 8, 2010)

For more on Top Chef, click here. You can follow Poptimal on Twitter @poptimal.

Wednesdays at 10/9C, Bravo

Photographs courtesy of Bravo and ImdbPro

Glee Review: ‘Tis the Season

For the past week, I have been riding the North Pole Express: singing Christmas carols, setting up a (tiny) Christmas tree, and putting together gifts for family and friends. And to cap off my holiday spirit, Glee entertained me on Tuesday night with plenty of cheer and goodwill.

For a second consecutive week, the episode opens with Emma confronting Will about something or another. This time it’s about his holiday plans (or lack thereof). Emma invites Will to her and Carl’s Christmas Eve dinner, but he wisely declines. Perhaps my biggest gripe with characters like Emma, Coach Beiste, and Sam are that they show up so sporadically throughout the season. I understand Glee has a huge cast, but I don’t think the creators ever really grasped what to do with their original leads before throwing a bunch of new ones into the mix.

That being said, one new character I am always thrilled to see, and that the writers seem to know what they’re doing with, is Blaine (Darren Criss). His appearance this week was more for the sake of having him flirt and duet with Kurt on “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” but I appreciated it all the same! Such a lovely performance.

Now what better time is there for the Gleeks to show off their talent than at Christmas? While the kids decorate the choir room, Will Schuester deems it a good idea to go caroling to different classrooms while trying to raise money for homeless children. The plan pretty much flops except when performing in front of the faculty.  Too bad that won’t stop them from getting slushies in the face.

There’s also a bit about Rachel trying to get back together with Finn. It screams desperate, just like her season one days, but I don’t feel bad for her this time. She had it coming, and I’m relieved to see that Finn held his ground and “officially broke-up” with Rachel. Officially.

And then there’s Sue Sylvester, who always makes things better no matter how awful she is. After hijacking the faculty Secret Santa so that she was the only person receiving gifts, Will takes the initiative to seize back the presents. He places them under the tree in the choir room and preps them for donation to the homeless children. But Sue turns into a big ol’ Grinch (literally), steals the presents, and wrecks all the pretty Christmas decorations in the choir room. It was such a perfect homage to How the Grinch Stole Christmas. And does anyone know who sang “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch?” It was probably one of my favorite tracks from the episode, but it didn’t sound like any of the Glee members singing.

But perhaps the most heartwarming storyline of the episode was Brittany’s belief in Santa Claus. Most of us learn the truth about Santa when we’re about 10 years old, give or take a few years. Brittany seemed to have missed the memo, however, and is still convinced that Santa can do anything with his magic. Her equally adorable boyfriend Artie doesn’t want to crush her dreams and convinces everyone else in Glee to go along with Brittany’s Santa story. Have I mentioned Artie and Brittany are my new favorite couple this season? Sam and Quinn really are too Barbie & Ken for my liking; we don’t see much of Tina and Mike; and Rachel and Finn are too generic.

Artie and the Gleeks go visit “Santa” at the mall for Brittany’s sake, but Brittany ends up asking Santa to let Artie walk again. Well that’s a bit of magic “Santa” won’t be able to do. The football boys ask Beiste to step in and dress up as the big guy to tell Brittany that he can’t fix Artie’s legs. She reluctantly agrees, and Brittany is devastated that Santa let her down. But wait! When Artie and Brittany return to her home later that day they find some bizarre contraption under the Christmas tree that only Artie knows how to work… it’s a robotic device called the “ReWalk” that allows him to stand and walk out of his wheelchair! A real Christmas miracle! There may or may not have been a silent tear rolling down my cheek.

For another opinion on this episode, read Yes, Brittany, there is a Santa Claus. by Alana D.

Season 2, Episode 10: A Very Glee Christmas (originally aired December 7, 2010)

For more  Glee, click here.

Tuesdays at 8pm on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro.

Warrior’s Way Review: Cowboys vs Clowns vs Ninjas In The Old West

Director Sngmoo Lee makes his directorial debut in the Wild West with one of the oddest showdowns ever seen on the big screen. Is Warrior’s Way a nonstop bloody slasher flick like Ninja Assassin or is there more than meets the eye?

What’s The Story

Yang (Dong-gun Jang) has a dream of becoming the world’s greatest swordsman and manages to accomplish this feat within the first five minutes of the movie. Upon slaying the previous swords-master, Yang finds himself face-to-face with the last living member of his clan’s enemy, a baby. Despite the number of men and women he has killed to get to this point in his life, Yang can’t find it within himself to kill the child. Instead, Yang takes the child as his own causing his clan, the Sad Flute, to come after him. (They are called the Sad Flute in reference to the sound resulting from a throat being slit. Yea, I know, pessimistic.)

With the Sad Flute on his tail, Yang sets sail for America in order to get away from his pursuers. In America, Yang befriends Lynne (Kate Bosworth), a spunky young girl who spends her time with a circus troupe that has settled in a rundown western town. Even with clowns around, trouble finds Yang in the form of Danny Huston, a vigilante seeking to take advantage of the weakly guarded town. To make matters worse, the Sad Flute have crossed the ocean in an attempt to kill Yang and the baby.

Is The Movie Action Packed?

The beginning of the movie contains some really silly action scenes, my favorite being the death of an old lady who tries to assassinate Yang. However, the action begins to dies out soon afterwards and continues to do so till the epic showdown in the last twenty minutes of the movie.

Honestly, you can walk into the theater during the last twenty minutes of this movie and feel satisfied with what you have seen. It’s just one crazy scene after another of people getting sliced, blown up, and gunned down, all revolving around clowns, ninjas, and cowboys. Do you really need me to elaborate how ridiculously awesome the last twenty minutes are?

The only problem is getting to the end.

What Happens In The Middle?

The middle of the movie centers around Yang running the town’s laundromat and Lynne’s violent past. After learning about the death of Lynne’s family at the hand of the Colonel (Danny Huston), Yang decides to teach her how to fight with swords. I was actually quite impressed with this portion of the Warrior’s Way because it was much deeper than I perceived this movie to be. All this sets up for a violent showdown for the survival of the town at the end.

 

What I Didn’t Like?

This movie doesn’t seem to understand what it wants to be. A western? An action-packed slasher? Serious? Silly? Warrior’s Way started off fast-paced and full of ridiculous moments that had my friends and me laughing. The tone shifts entirely as soon as Yang arrives in America and consequently the plot’s pace slows down. The movie is brought to a finish by the big showdown, causing what would be absolutely ridiculous to make sense in the world of this film. Bullets are flying, dynamite is going off, heads are being detached, and cherry blossoms are filling the air in the middle of a desert. Cowboys are fighting clowns. Clowns are fighting cowboys. Ninjas show up and everyone’s just killing everyone. Okay, I actually liked that part a lot, but the cherry blossoms weren’t needed. It’s the Wild West—use tumbleweeds.

Another thing I didn’t like was the not-so-great use of CGI and the green screen. The sky was entirely green-screened in a very obvious way. It did look cool during sunsets, but with any western, the setting itself is what speaks loudly in the film.

Final Verdict

I’m not really sure I can recommend this movie to anyone. It makes for a good trip to the theater if you are looking for something ridiculous to watch with a group of friends. The movie definitely has a lot of potential, but it tries too much which inadvertently causes it to fail. Catch it on Netflix Instant Queue if it’s available months from now. Otherwise don’t even bother. As great as the last twenty minutes are, a full price ticket doesn’t warrant the price.

My friend Will said it best. “There are few movies where you’d be able to witness a circus clown shooting a ninja in the Old West. Warrior’s Way is one such movie.”

Final Grade: C+

Glee Review: Yes, Brittany, there is a Santa Claus.

On this week’s Glee, Will wanted to hold a big Christmas concert at McKinley, celebrating the birth of Jesus.  When Sue heard about this, she called her local branch of the ACLU, and then filed an injunction against McKinley High to prevent them from holding any Christmas-themed events at their very public high school.  Will initially tried to fight the injunction, offering to include a Kwanzaa presentation (given by Mercedes, of course) and a Puck “I Have A Little Dreidel”-solo to sweeten the deal, but to no avail.  Ultimately, Glee was rescued by the private Dalton Academy, who offered to hold the concert at its facilities.  Rachel initially refused due to her personal beliefs, until a conversation with Finn reminded her that her professional ambition far outweighed any religious conviction, and that, as far as pop stars go, she would be continuing a fairly widespread Jewish tradition. Ultimately, the concert went off without a hitch, and everyone learned a little something about the Establishment Clause in the meantime.

Just kidding!  None of that happened.  Instead, Brittany believes in Santa Claus.

And, to be clear, not the loosely-defined “Spirit of Christmas”-type of Santa, or a rooted-in-history St. Nicholas type of Santa Claus, or the kind of Santa Francis Pharcellus Church detailed in his letter to Virginia (which I totally believe in).  No, Brittany believes in a literal fat man with a white beard who lives at the North Pole and delivers gifts via chimney on Christmas Eve and that the guy at the local mall which charges you to take pictures with him is actually HIM.

Now, the writers have been straining my credulity with Brittany for awhile now, but I hung in there, even through last week’s magical comb storyline.  But here, I’m afraid, they have lost me.  And since much of this episode turns on me really believing that Brittany is a mentally functioning person who proudly buys into the full Santa myth at 16 (17?), I was pretty torn about the effectiveness of “A Very Glee Christmas.”

Too bad, because ”A Very Glee Christmas” had a lot going for it.  First of all, I love Christmas, and I love Lea Michele’s voice, and Rachel sang two Christmas songs,  The Carpenters’  ”Merry Christmas Darling” and Wham’s “Last Christmas,” which she duetted with Finn.  Both performances are really beautiful, but Rachel’s lovely performances fail to seduce Finn back into her arms, which is sad for Rachel, although good for the show.  These two are more interesting apart than they are together.

But as Rachel and Finn’s relationship appears doomed, Kurt and Blaine’s appears to be taking a turn for the romantic, with a fabulous duet of “Baby, It’s Cold Outside.”  I don’t have enough cute+sincere adjectives to describe this particular number (awesome! endearing! adorable! sweet!), so I’ll just have to say that not only did the number do justice emotionally to a promising gay relationship in a way that very few shows are willing to do (I’m thinking Modern Family right now, but that’s about it), but it also moved a storyline forward while staying true to the characters.  I’ve watched it four times.  Excellent job, Glee.

Deciding not to burst her bubble, Artie is hell-bent on getting all of Glee to keep up the Santa charade for Brittany.  He talks Glee into visiting one of those Santa-impersonators, where his plan completely goes to shit when Brittany asks Santa for Artie to be able to walk.  And Black Santa (cause it’s a black Santa) says “Sure.”  Which results in Artie having to ask Bieste to put on a Santa outfit and visit Brittany to tell her, no, sorry, Santa can’t do that.

Meanwhile, poor Will is working through his own Emma-related issues this Christmas, and so focuses his energy on getting Glee to go caroling around McKinley High, collecting donations for a local homeless youth program.  It doesn’t work.  Glee’s classmates absolutely hate them.  I don’t understand these people.  Who doesn’t like Christmas caroling?  Clearly, they’re all atheists.  Additionally, Will’s got other problems — he pulled Sue’s name for Secret Santa.  And he soon finds out that everyone did; she sabotaged the whole process, and ended up with gifts from every teacher at McKinley.  (Good one, Sue!)  Ultimately, this leads to an all out Christmas war, with Sue playing the Grinch and Will as one of those sweet little Whos who just wants to decorate a tree, sing a song, and have a slice of roast beast.  Sue puts on unattractive green war paint, and proceeds to destroy Glee’s Christmas, smashing the tree decorations, taking back the gifts, and shearing the tree.  She’s interrupted by Brittany, playing the role of Cindy Lou Who, but Sue just lies her way out of it (of course) and Brittany believes her because Brittany apparently has a sub-Forrest Gump IQ.

But, ultimately, the spirit of Christmas prevails.  Rather than wallowing, Glee again goes caroling at McKinley, only this time for their teachers, who are pretty much forbidden by teacher code to show anything but encouragement.  Plus, Glee’s singing “Welcome, Christmas” from How the Grinch Stole Christmas!, the one that goes “Fah who for-aze, dah who dor-aze” and makes my heart grow three sizes every time I hear it.  It works on the teachers, who donate money to help homeless children, and it works on Sue too, who gives the gifts back to Will and then brings Glee to his home that night so he won’t spend the holiday all by himself. It’s a Christmas miracle!

Oh, and Artie gets legs.  That was actually a bit too cheesy for me, honestly.

What did you think of the episode?  Do you think Brittany is believable on the show, or was she a better character when she just mumbled one-liners?  Was the Grinch theme a bit thick?  And am I giving the Kurt/Blaine duet too much credit because it was just soooo nice to see the duet performed by gay male characters? Sound off below!

(And have a Merry Christmas!  Or, if you don’t celebrate Christmas, enjoy your Chinese food!)

For another opinion on this episode, check out ‘Tis the Season by Stephanie Jaar.

Season 2, Episode 10: A Very Glee Christmas (originally aired December 7, 2010)

For more Glee, click here.

Tuesdays at 8pm on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro.

Gossip Girl Review: Answers to Questions We Never Asked

I have to say, after waiting half a season for the payoff in this Juliet (Katie Cassidy) and her mysterious, imprisoned brother Ben (David Call) scandal, the actual reveal felt a tad anticlimactic. What came after sprung up as much more of a surprise, a turn even I have to admit I didn’t see coming.

I do love pretty much any storyline or scene that throws Dan (Penn Badgley) and Blair (Leighton Meester) together, because they play so nicely off one another and the dialogue and reactions from the both are priceless. Last week they reluctantly agreed to join forces in order to extract justice from Juliet.

They’ll have to do it without Serena’s help, however, since she’s still locked away having story time in the crazy house with Eric (Conor Paolo) as her ex-crazy house experienced guard dog. Instead, they arrive at the crazy notion that Gossip Girl (Kristen Bell) might be willing to help. As Dan points out, S and B are “her people,” not Juliet. Gossip Girl doesn’t give them the answer, but she does give them a clue, which propels the duo into a funky European car filled with Dan’s eyerolls and Blair’s haughty commentary. In short, it’s awesome.

What they find in Connecticut is Juliet’s hometown, as well as the boarding school Serena went to after she slept with Nate and…wait for it…Damien (Kevin Zegers)??  Talk about a blast from the past. It turns out the boarding school was where Serena (Blake Lively) met Damien, and he has just the information they need to find out more about Juliet. What they find out in a sequence that runs simultaneously with Serena relating the tale to her head doctor, is that Ben was a teacher at the boarding school who took a special interest in Serena. Though nothing happened (shocker, really), Ben received an affidavit accusing him of statutory rape that Serena had signed. He took a plea bargain in exchange for salvaging some sort of future after his sentence.

The episode comes to a head when Juliet goes straight to the source, breaking into S’s padded cell and accusing her to her face. When Serena is shocked, insisting that she never saw any affidavit or accused Ben of anything, the question becomes then who did?

The whole gang ends up at a party that Lily Van der Woodsen Bass Humphrey (Kelly Rutherford) is throwing (where we also find out, once and for all, that Nate’s (Chace Crawford) parents will be divorcing), and Serena interrupts the party to accuse her mother of signing that affidavit for her. Lily doesn’t deny it, saying that she would never have gotten S back into Constance otherwise. Serena has an appropriately outraged response to the fact that her mother ruined a man’s life to get her into private school.

Wait, though, because we’re not through yet. Turns out Lily has gone totally back-stabby and evil and NO ONE EVEN GUESSED A THING. She’s also made a deal to sell Bass Industries, Chuck’s inheritance, without consulting Chuck (Ed Westwick) at all. In fact, he knew nothing about any sale until Rufus (Matthew Settle) spills the beans in a classic Rufus moment. Let me guess, though, he’s still going to love Lily. Gag me with a spoon.

Dun, dun, DUN.

Guess we have to wait until January to find out what happens with Bass, if Dan and S are going to give it another go, and whether or not we can keep rejoicing over the disappearances of Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) and Jenny (Taylor Momsen).

Happy Holidays, my lovely readers. XOXO.

Season 4, Episode 11: The Townie (originally aired December 6, 2010)

Mondays at 9/8C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW and Giovanni Rufino.

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