Bones Review: If Creepy is the Goal, We've Got a Winner
Bones is back, and boy, would I love to include the phrase ‘better than ever.’ But I like you people, you read my ramblings, so I won’t lie to you. It’s not better than ever. It’s also not any worse than when it disappeared over the holidays, so that’s something. I don’t know that I could handle worse.
The night begins with a naked guy climbing into the shower to surprise his girlfriend who hasn’t been returning his calls. There’s no way that idea could go wrong, am I right?
He redeems himself when he slips and comes face to face with a soggy corpse, letting loose the most amazing, girly scream I’ve heard from a guy’s lips since…I can’t remember ever hearing a guy scream like that.
The writers of Bones seem to think it’s their job to gross us out in the first five minutes of each episode (I’ve stopped sitting down with food in my hands), and tonight they outdid themselves. As Bones (Emily Deschanel), Booth (David Boreanaz), and Cam (Tamara Taylor) pick around in the shower, Hodgins (T.J. Thyne) is on the roof getting ready to snake the drain. Booth turns off the walkie talkie to shut up the squint speak, so they don’t hear Hodgins’ warning to back away from the drain. As a result, the three of them get a face full of liquid dead stuff – utterly disgusting. There’s no way at least one of them doesn’t run away gagging in real life.
For a time we assume that the deceased is the owner of the apartment, a Paris Hilton-type wanna-be starlet, but the squints, led by Clark (Eugene Byrd) YAY, soon discover that the victim is of Asian descent. Aside: Clark has always played the uptight lab rat, the guy who hates the informal atmosphere of the lab, not to mention the fact that everyone’s personal business tends to spill out at inopportune moments. This week, for whatever reason, he’s decided to open up and embrace things the way they are. I think this is supposed to be funny. It’s not. If I had to pick a descriptor, I’d use awkward. Maybe uncomfortable.
The best part of the show continues to be Sweets (John Francis Daley), and this week is no exception. It begins with him singing aloud to his iPod, and he delivers another wonderfully funny interrogation scene with the rich girl, Paisley’s, best friend. Apparently, Little Miss Wannabe gave her friend a knock off Chanel bag as a gift – and action that resulted in the friend being arrested when she took the bag to Chanel to try to exchange it. Sweets tells her he could see how something like that would make her want to take revenge. The girl responds that of course, and she got her revenge – she “defriended Paisley right then.” It’s a great scene, and the kind we used to get sprinkled throughout every episode. It comes toward the beginning of the episode and things are pretty much downhill from here.
I hated the storyline of the counterfeit bags, complete with your stereotypical older Asian woman hocking them out of the back of her restaurant. She’s arrested by both Booth and the police, who it turns out have been using our victim, Jenny Yang, to set the old lady up on the charges.
At this point, we’ve got three suspects. First is Jenny’s fiancé, who has concerns that she’s trying too hard to be “white” and losing her heritage. Next, Paisley, the rich girl playing celebrity. Lastly, we’ve got the restaurant owner/fake designer bag lady. Except none of them did it.
In yet another completely creepy scene in which Paisley’s boyfriend hands over a teddy bear camera he was using to record his girlfriend having sex with other men, Booth and Sweets watch her having sex (complete with comments regarding her flexibility, etc) in the office. Think about this. They’re watching what basically amounts to porn together.
Heebie jeebies just ran up my spine. Ew.
Even nastier? Turns out the police officer who was running the sting on the counterfeit bags was sleeping with his informant – the young, Asian girl – and he killed her when she wanted to call the whole thing off.
In other news, Hodgins and Angela (Michaela Conlin) are pretty cute about their growing baby. I’ve always liked them together and felt, when the writers let them be, they feel natural and sweet together. Creepy moment number three? They buy the house where the murder took place.
Last but not least, how could we forget the issues that belong to Booth-Brennan-Hannah (Katheryn Winnick)? Booth is riddled with guilt over keeping Bones’ ill timed and ridiculous love confession a secret, so he relays what happened to Hannah. For a while, Hannah doesn’t seem to know how to handle the information and avoids Brennan as a result. When Bones confronts her, Hannah admits she’s unsure how to act, but she has no desire to harm Bones’ relationship with Booth or their new (and weird) status as girlfriends.
This. Would. Never. Happen. I mean, COME ON. What girl is going to be okay with this, especially knowing that your boyfriend once had feelings for his partner, who now has feelings for him? Either Hannah is the most secure woman ever, the dumbest woman ever, or she’s giving Booth enough rope to hang himself with. Either way – I sort of still hate this entire storyline.
The episode culminates in a “creeptacular” bar scene (dubbed thus by my friend Lissa), in which Hannah and Bones are knocking back shots of whiskey (girls after my own heart) and basically get invited into a threesome by a hottie across the bar.
I hate the way Hannah talks down to Bones. I hate the fact that Bones is all into being girlfriends. I hate that Booth basically betrayed his friendship with Brennan by telling Hannah about their conversation. We got no scenes that showcase the chemistry between the main characters, which are very nearly the only reason left to watch the show.
I also hate the way the show seems to think playing up racial stereotypes is comedic or appropriate.
I love Sweets, though. I love Cam’s facial expressions. I love scenes with Hodgins and Angela.
Still, this episode can be summed up in a single word. Creepy.
Season 6, Episode 10 “The Body in the Bag” (original air date, January 20, 2011)
Thursdays at 8/7c on Fox.
Pictures Courtesy of Ray Mickshaw and FOX