The Real Housewives of Atlanta Review: A Tale of Three Wars

The Real Housewives of Atlanta waged wars on three fronts this week. Though things didn’t get as explosive as I’d hope for, at least these ladies finally started sticking up for themselves, regardless of if they were on the right or wrong side. (Or the wrong and more wrong side, in my opinion.)

WAR A

This one might be classified more as a battle or skirmish but it’s worth detailing. Being smashed together on a small tour bus isn’t really shedding a nice light on any of our housewives and friends, but the tensions were at their highest this week. So much so that everyone was getting on EVERYBODY’S nerves, and this time, Sweetie was pulled into the fray. Usually the girl frolics about aimlessly to the point where I wonder if she really has a job or if Kim is just paying her to be her faux-assistant/friend and faux-boss her around. All the two seem to do is chain smoke together and maybe pack and unpack clothes when necessary.

Kandi pretty much had it with Sweetie. She found her annoying and rude and felt that between Sweetie and Kim, she could never get peace of mind. Kandi was right that no one was respecting the fact that the tour was her baby, and they should have acted like the guests that they were. Somehow the ladies had made the whole tour about themselves when Kandi was the real reason they were on the road. Only the Bravo producers could have convinced Kandi to bring Kim as a tag-along.

When the group took a little detour at a hole-in-the-wall BBQ joint, Kim ran off so fast, to smoke cigarettes and complain about how she doesn’t eat meat, that she forgot her shoes. This small action would set off a chain of events that made you feel like you were playing the telephone game. At the end, I looked back and wondered, ‘How did we get here?!’ Here’s how. A shoeless Kim garnered some quizzical looks from tour manager Don Juan, Kandi and Kim’s hair stylist Derek J. They commented that only white people walk around with no shoes. While that may not be fact, it certainly is stereotypically correct. (My mother would have killed me if I ever walked around barefoot except while on a beach, and it sort of sticks with you well into adulthood.) But once Sweetie corrected that she is black and does the same, the group took a jab at her, saying that’s because she hangs around white people. The vibe was that Sweetie is an “oreo,” chocolate on the outside but creamy in the middle. You get the picture.

Now, I do consider this a low blow. Sweetie is her own person who can do whatever she wants to do, as long as no one is being hurt, and not have to put up with others judging her directly to her face, comical tone or not. Typically, I’d be Team Sweetie on this one, but once she ran away, tattled to Kim and started whining about it, I quickly changed my mind. The bus group was just trying to have a little fun and make a joke, and if Sweetie didn’t like it, she should have stood up for herself instead of running behind the Big Bad Kim.

WINNER: TEAM BLACK

WAR B

Things have seemed a little fishy between Nene and Kim. Didn’t they have a major blowout for the last two seasons?! Why are they still friends? They make fun of each other all the time behind each other’s back. Still, the two are quite entertaining when they get together so I truly wanted to suspend my disbelief, but we all knew this reunion was going to be short lived.

Kim invited Nene down to Orlando for her next show, even though all the housewives would be meeting up with the tour in Miami soon after. When she arrived at the venue, a strip mall, Nene had nothing but jokes for the low-level production. Though, off camera, Nene gave Kandi her props as a true vocalist, Kim was pretty atrocious during her performance, singing off-tune and providing no entertainment value whatsoever. It’s not as if that’s surprising so I’m not really sure why Nene felt the needed to mock Kim’s performance and say it was just okay when asked what she thought. No one booed Kim, and that’s a victory in itself. She could have just told her good job or good effort or slap her on the butt or something, anything encouraging. You know, since they’re apparently friends again…

But let’s put realistic thinking aside. Nene started in on Kim the minute the group returned to the tour bus, and it wasn’t just over the boring performance. She also, like Kandi and the rest of the bus, hates the way Kim treats Sweetie because she treats her like a slave. Again, I think it’s up to Sweetie to say whether she’s had enough or not, but I do get where Nene was coming from. Even if Kim doesn’t see it, when you hang around with a lot of black people and you’re the only white woman ordering people around, well, allusions will be made. Kim should at least be smart enough to see it, but of course, she’s oblivious to it like most other things. On top of that, Kim was already angry that Nene dared use her name in the 11 Live Jermaine Dupri interview which finally aired. So what if there wasn’t much interview reel to actually use, it was a low blow for Nene to use Kim’s name for no other reason than to get Dupri to laugh…at Kim…on local TV news. Again, friends? Reaaaaaaally? Things got so heated between the two that they had to be broken up before the fight came to blows. Man, I wish we’d see a little more wig pulling or choking!

WINNER: NENE (Because even if she’s rude, she’s right.)

WAR C

The final fight may have been the saddest one of all. We all saw the pre-marital issues between Cynthia and Peter bubbling to the surface when we first met them, and I always had reservations about her fiancé, who so quickly switches from Caring Knight to Cold, Calculated Cad. Last week, I commented on how it was hard to choose sides on this fight, which started with The Uptown Supper Club going under. This week, Peter made it a little bit easier.

It all started with Cynthia stressing out about how their lack of funds will affect their wedding, which was coming up in a mere 15 days. Peter decided to remove that band-aid quickly by telling her that the restaurant had been officially closed and that he didn’t know where he’d find the funds to pay the outstanding $20,000 for the wedding. He did assure her that he’d figure out a way but refused to discuss how with her. He then started to berate her for getting upset and wanting to talk about things further.

Yes, Cynthia spiraled pretty quickly into whining and crying. She wanted to have the wedding she’d been planning for the last four months and wanted to know what he thought they should do going forward. Should they cancel the wedding? This question seemed to set Peter off who was sure that she’d immediately turn into the runaway bride, her typical modus operandi. He then proceeded to reassure her that he’d never tell her anything financial again just so he wouldn’t have to watch her blubber. This was maybe the most ridiculous comment to come out of his mouth, and the one that raised the most concern in my eyes. No, Peter, maybe you shouldn’t just drop bombs on people and instead keep them informed at all stages so they’re not caught off guard! That sounds pretty adult to me.

Cynthia found some support in her friend Nene and her sister/assistant Malorie. Both told her that it was time to take a good look at the relationship before marriage. Nene assured her that money is just money and that she could still get married. Duh, Cynthia! It’s not the end of the world. Nene said that she could even have her dream wedding in a year. The worry for both confidantes was that Cynthia seemed genuinely upset with how Peter and her have been communicating and getting along. Marriage won’t just solve those issues.

WINNER: CYNTHIA (She had a right to cry even if she didn’t compromise.)

Next week, the Miami bachelorette party still appears to be a big GO! Yet Cynthia still looks like she’s going to cry. No wait, she actually does cry. I don’t relish in the sadness of others (unless they’re reality TV stars), but next week seems like another emotionally-packed episode to look forward to. Can’t wait!

QUOTABLES

“Since I’m going to be in Miami with the girls for a few days, my kids are going to California to spend some time with their dad…although he’ll probably send them to his mom’s.” – Sheree

“If I had breasts, it would be a one-man-show.” – Apollo, after Phaedra gave him a hard time

“He’s not even a throw-up baby!” – Phaedra, after little Ayden spits up on Sheree

“Okay, so Kim is performing in a strip mall. This is really big time now.” – NeNe

“What are you going to do, strangle me again?”  – Kim

“Don’t talk like that to me, or I will”” – NeNe

“You think you’re Lady Gaga. You’re second best and you know it.” – Nene

“You’re an intern at 11 Alive!” – Kim

“We’re actually by the Everglades, and there’s alligators out there, so I can’t stop…” – The Bus Driver when Kim decides to have an immediate post-fight smoke.

Season 3, Episode 14: Flamingo Road Block (originally aired January 16, 2011)

For another opinion on this episode, check out Hotlanta Housewives by Savannah DuBois.