The Real Housewives of Atlanta: TV Tour-ture

Can we fastforward to next week already?! This week’s episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta was so humdrum. But next week, there’s fingers in faces and screaming unnecessarily all in the tight confines of a tour bus. Magic! Instead, we listened in on the first leg of Kim and Kandi’s tour, where no one even got booed, and watched Baby Ayden, who was placed on display. Sheree was as good as invisible. Really…zzzzzz! Still, even at it’s sleepiest, our housewives can be entertaining so let’s get right down to it.

Nene‘s big interview with Jermaine Dupri didn’t exactly go as planned. I learned early on in my journalism education that you should avoid yes or no questions. Why? Because you usually get yes or no as an answer, and Dupri really didn’t try to help out the flailing woman. She even brought her son along to prove mommy can handle her business, but unless unpreparedness and looks of confusion fall into that category, I can’t really say how much actual “business” was handled.

Phaedra brought the audience to the über south by hosting a Sip and See. Family and friends come by to see the baby, possibly for the first time, while sipping something delightful and hopefully alcoholic, especially in this case. Baby Ayden is absolutely adorable. There’s no question about that, and if I were his new momma, I wouldn’t want to leave his side. All that seeing should come with a whole lot of bragging, but Phaedra was more interested in hashing it out with Kim. For two crazy housewives, I’d expect things to get heated like they did at the spa, but both ladies kept their heads and apologized to each other. Sort of. Kim semi-admitted that she really had no place in Phaedra’s baby business, slyly hinting in the confessional that Phaedra’s still a liar. And Phaedra, after seeing Kim’s expired nursing license, ate her words. It was a legitimate meeting of the insane minds.

Unfortunately, things were not so simple for Cynthia and her fiancé Peter. The two lovebirds bickered over financial issues and their effects on the upcoming wedding. There was no end in sight. I swear. They’re currently fighting as I type. It was hard to choose a side to root for. Cynthia came off as whiny and superficial. She wanted the wedding she was planning and was willing to go bankrupt throwing it. Plus, she wants all the money back that she put into the restaurant. Peter came off as cold and indifferent. He didn’t want to see his baby die or acknowledge that Cynthia had invested in the restaurant too. Even actor turned relationship expert Hill Harper (CSI:NY) couldn’t get the two to admit any fault or come to a compromise.

And finally, the show you’ve all been waiting for. Kandi and Kim hit the road on their touring extravaganza. All Kim could do was nag and complain and moan. The bus wasn’t big enough. The beds weren’t wide enough. She wasn’t allowed to stop every fifteen minutes for a smoke. Everything about touring bothered her. Seeing as she makes tons of dough doing a whole lot of nothing, I wanted to strangle the ungrateful one almost as much as Kandi visibly did. Kandi’s aunt and mother showed up, and the two put on a show that seemed to get the crowd going and everyone left happy. A few were chuckling after Kim’s set, but no surprises there. So what if Kim forgot her dance moves and was barely audible above the auto-tuned version of her track, blasting throughout the club?

Like I stated earlier, the weeks of waiting did nothing but heighten my expectations for some kind of suburban throwdown, and I got bupkiss in that department. At least, Nene is joining the Kandi-Kim tour for a drama driveby next week. Those two have been getting along waaaay to well lately. It’s much needed if there’s going to be anything remotely exciting to talk about at the reunion show in a month.

Season 3, Episode 13: Tour-ture (originally aired Janaury 9, 2011)