Glee Review: When 3 Minutes Just Ain't Enough
On this week’s Glee. . .
Apparently three minutes in heaven with Lauren Zizes just isn’t enough, cause Puck is seriously jonesing for an actual date, specifically at Breadsticks, specifically on Valentine’s Day. Lauren’s response? “You seriously think it’s that easy? I’m not desperate, so if you really want this, you best come correct because I spell woman Z-I-Z-E-S, and I need to be wooed. You understand me? Wooed.”
So Puck woos her. Initially, he serenades her with “Fat Bottomed Girls” but that doesn’t work because, unlike Nicki Minaj, Lauren doesn’t like having her ass called out in public. He ends up essentially begging her (and Puck is pretty cute when he says “please”) and does get her to agree to dinner with him, but she stands him up. He makes the most out of it by macking on a married waitress, but his feelings are hurt. Confronted the next day, Lauren tells him that she likes him, but she’s not in it for a minute; she wants the long haul, so he’s going to have to take it slow. They go out on Valentine’s Day – as friends.
While the Lauren Zizes character falls a bit too neatly in TV’s “sassy friend” trope, I’m hoping Glee doesn’t drop the ball on Puck’s character development here. Unfortunately, though, the writers do have a habit of developing a relationship in one episode, then totally dropping it later (remember Puck and Artie’s bromance?), but I’m hopeful.
In other news, having led the football team to their conference championship victory, Finn’s totally exploiting his moment in the sun by opening up a kissing booth in the school. He manages to kiss every girl at McKinley High (324, if you’re curious) for the bargain price of $1, including Quinn and Rachel. Quinn’s kiss came about by deliberate design; they had a moment the day of the championship game and Finn’s gotten a bit obsessed with blondie all over again. He all but dares her to kiss him, which she does, but because Sam also tells her to, too. Sam’s reasoning is, well, if he doesn’t mean anything, then you should be able to kiss him. If you’re wondering if that logic makes any sense, let me assure you, IT DOESN’T. But it gets the characters where the writers need them to be; namely, on the verge of breaking up.
So Finn’s plan works. Finn and Quinn – and god help me if they reunite, because just typing those names together makes me ill — both experience fireworks during Finn’s cheek-smooch. But are the fireworks there because they have feelings for each other? Or because the writers just wanted to set up Rachel’s song later? (Impossible! Glee‘s writers never write plotlines just to set up musical numbers! Oh, wait, actually they do that all the time.)
Anyway, while Quinn is conflicted, she is kinda a bitch who loved her Queen Bee status as the quarterback’s girlfriend (Sam totally nailed her on that one), so she ends up making out with Finn later. What she doesn’t realize is that Santana (who I almost didn’t recognize this week out of her Cheerios uniform) intentionally gave Finn mono, because she’s bitter about being alone on V-Day. And also probably because she’s getting her ass handed to her by Lauren.
Actually, it’s more like getting her ass thrown around by Lauren. Why, you ask? Cause Santana’s a bitch who totally has it coming. ’Nuff said.
So Finn has mono, and Quinn has mono, and in the nurse’s office, Quinn decides that she should probably hold off on hooking up with anyone until she’s actually, y’know, single. Smart move. She leaves, and later Rachel stops by to discuss whether Finn really ever liked her as much as Quinn. Finn doesn’t really say anything, but does say that he felt fireworks with Quinn. Rachel decides she should just be alone for awhile. She performs “Firework” in the last solo song of the night, and I like it better than Katy Perry’s original, despite the fact that Rachel is wearing truly awful opaque white tights.
Over in couples I actually care about, Kurt and Darren – I refuse to call him Blaine, that’s a major appliance, that’s not a name! - Darren is looking to tell a friend he’s in love with him on Valentine’s Day via song at this guy’s workplace. Problem is, that friend is not Kurt. Kurt, heeding the advice of a pajama-clad Mercedes and Rachel in an adorable sleepover scene complete with stuffed monkeys, decides to help Darren by singing with the Warblers at the GAP. Which leads to a rendition of “When I Get You Alone” that I wanted to like, except that it was a total GAP commercial. Afterwards, Darren’s crush, Jeremiah, actually rejects Darren, cause Jeremiah is, like, 25. With bad hair. Who works at THE GAP. Seriously, Darren, he’s doing you a favor.
So Darren’s bummed, which Kurt takes as an opportunity to be honest and say, Hello! What about me here? I’m totally into you! Not in those words, exactly, but Darren gets the point. But he ultimately says that he’s clearly bad in romance, and perhaps they should just be friends? Kurt’s down with this, because he’s seen When Harry Met Sally 493 times (I’m assuming) so he knows how this is going to end. Poor Darren doesn’t even realize he’s Billy Crystal in this scenario.
So that covers the major relationships on this Valentine’s Day episode. What am I leaving out? Oh! There was a performance of my Top 3 Michael Jackson song, “PYT” by Artie, with back-up moves by Mike Chang. It was a thoroughly audacious performance. And by audacious, I mean totally silly, yet absolutely charming in its complete unselfconsciousness, which is the best kind of Glee performance. In fact it was so cute, I almost didn’t notice Brittany’s hideous sock/boots combo. And as long as I’m calling out this episode’s questionable sartorial choices, can we discuss Tina’s performance of “My Funny Valentine” for a moment? I would’ve found her emotional breakdown funnier if I wasn’t distracted by that awful shapeless black tunic with the wide square white collar. Seriously, it looked like something a 7-year-old Amish boy would’ve designed for a nun. What happened to Tina’s cool, punky style?
Moving on, all the students, whether single, in love, or in love with their “friend,” end up at Breadsticks for Kurt’s first Lonely Hearts Dinner. The Warblers perform a charming, if forgettable, rendition of the 1976 McCartney gem “Silly Love Songs,” a song I only know from avid listening to midwestern lite rock stations in the 1980s. I suppose it’s a fine way to spend Valentine’s Day if you’re single, although personally, I think this sign represents the way I’d go.
So what did you think? Did the Finn/Quinn storyline work for you? Do you think Mike Chang should be in New Directions if he doesn’t ever actually sing? Is Lauren’s sassiness a trite big girl character trope or is she a totally lovable character, as is? And are white tights in, and I just haven’t gotten the memo?
For another take on this week’s episode, check out The Lonely Hearts Club by Inis
Season 2, Episode 12: Silly Love Songs (originally aired February 8, 2011)
Tuesdays at 8pm on Fox
Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDb Pro.
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