Chuck Review: Chuck and the Cheap-Ass Weave
February 1, 2011 by Mallory Elis
Filed under Television
Guys. Guys. Guys. There is a lot to talk about – busted eyeballs, state secrets, holographic messages, Casey’s pants, the invention of “push mixes”/childbirth-themed playlists, which, GAHHHH – but first we need to sit down and have a nice long discussion of Sarah’s wig. First of all, WHY. Also: is it from Hot Topic? Why is the CIA’s wig budget so desperately small? It’s so shiny and plastic-y and surrounded by a small halo of broken ends. I want to smash it and die. It’s like a Wiccan nightmare. It looks like she bought it at Walgreen’s under the Sherri Shepherd wiglet line. It just screams “I’m a spy!”
Okay, rant over. Chuck and Morgan decide to go rescue Sarah and her terrible wig while Volkoff goes underground with Mary and Sarah to visit “The Contessa.” The mission begins with the interrogation of Roni Eimacher, who reveals that “The Contessa” is the ship (or “floating fortress of fun” to Volkoff) where he designed the Hydra. Chuck and Morgan quickly reunite with Sarah and Mary onboard but the plan is temporarily sidetracked when Morgan accidentally locks himself in a roomful of lasers. Luckily his yogic breathing and extra-thick wetsuit help him carry the day, albeit at the expense of said wetsuit.
Back at home, Devon panics when he realizes he’s missing the “Push Mix” (man, that really bums me out) and calls the emergency CIA number Chuck left behind. Ellie’s a bit nonplussed, but pleased at the impromptu government escort. Little does she know that a live Lester and Jeff show awaits her on the other end.
Of course while accessing the Hydra system, the team realizes that it’s voice-activated and Volkoff discovers their plan. Mary manages to get Volkoff at gunpoint and allows everyone else to escape. After he reveals Orion’s latest message (and location), prompting a teary but defiant “I never really loved you” declaration from Mary, Volkoff promises to hold off on killing her until after he’s found and killed her husband first, turning and leaving the room on a magnificent dime. Volkoff, I love you! You’re my new best friend – call me every five minutes!
Somehow in the same evening, Volkoff manages to leave the boat and drive to Orion’s latest location, only to find Chuck waiting for him. And Chuck’s in kind of a clubbing mood. There’s some light bondage (very light – Volkoff wiggles out of Chuck’s childishly awful restraints in about thirty seconds), some “you think you can defeat me” banter, truly grade-A taunting and an assassination montage – I’m almost ready to forgive Sarah’s wig. Almost.
Chuck turns the tables on Volkoff when he reveals he’d simply been trying to trick him into giving them the verbal passcode to access Hydra. Morgan, who’s been recording their conversation, uses “death is the solution to all problems” (courtesy J. Stalin) to send the entire network files to the CIA. Who’s monologuing now Volkoff?
The mission wraps up just in time for everyone to make it to the hospital where Ellie is giving birth. Also: Jeffster. My God. I refuse to rewatch any of this, so here’s what happens in brief: Ellie has a baby. It’s a girl, it’s named Clara, everyone makes it, Casey’s not mad at Sarah for pushing him off a roof, and Mary gets to meet her first grandchild. Chuck finally proposes in a sweet, low-key sequence set in the hospital hallway behind a carpet cleaner. Oh, I hope Volkoff’s invited to the wedding.
Want more Chuck? Check out another take on the episode by Desiree Neall here and The Perfect Finale That Never Was by Inisia Lewis.
Season 4, Episode 13: Chuck Versus The Push Mix (original air date January 31, 2011)
Catch Chuck on Mondays 8/7 central on NBC
Images courtesy of Jordin Althaus/NBC
