Glee Review: The Sue Sylvester Shuffle

I’ve waited too long for the return of Glee, but luckily for me, it came back in all of its over-the-top glory and musical madness. I have to be honest: the Super Bowl might as well have been a warm-up to the big show. I just wanted the Steelers to lose already, so I didn’t have to kill time any longer. (And lose they did, by the way.)

If you took the opening number as any indication of how ridiculously huge the show was going to be, then it would be considered mega-canon gigantic. In terms of storyline, I was just happy to see one. Glee doesn’t do themed episodes too well in that aspect. However, Schu and Beiste team up to unify the football team, split between glee club and anti-glee club members, and foster a bit of understanding between the two groups right before the championship game. It was a perfect tie in to the heavily-dominating Kurt & Karofsky homophobia storyline from the first half of the season, and Karofsky got more lines in this episode than he’s had all season. Sue, on the other hand, is suffering from a severe case of cheerleading apathy right before Nationals.

Essentially, Sue had topped herself out. After cheerleaders on stilts and Kurt’s Celine Dion medley in French, what could Sue do to make an even bigger impression? There are always fireworks shooting out of the Cheerios’ boobs to fall back on! Yes, the team performs to Katy Perry’s “California Gurls,” paying homage to the booby firecracker herself with blue wigs, including flipping BMX racers and flaming whips, hula hoops and batons. Still, even that can’t bring Sue out of her funk, and she turns to a carnie who’s selling a gigantic cannon, determined to stuff Brittany into the thing and launch her across the field. “I don’t want to die yet. At least not until One Tree Hill gets canceled,” Brittany says.

During a game, Karofsky, back in all his assholish glory, pushes Finn’s buttons in the huddle and a fight erupts in the locker room later. Finn finally screams, “We’re in glee club! What’s the big deal?” It needed to be said, right? It’s what we’re all thinking every time we watch the show, but the rest of the team is embarrassed by all that effeminate singing and dancing. You know, because they don’t listen to any famous male singers, performers or even bands while in their cars or showers or at school dances. (Wait! Why haven’t we seen a school dance episode?! The glee club could even perform, everyone taking turns at the mic while drama unfolds on the dance floor and in the darkened, school hallways. Mike and Brittany can choreograph a number that the entire dance floor burst into when prompted, à la Usher in She’s All That.) Anyways, a random football player retorts, “We’re dudes. Getting all hot and bothered over signing a Ke$ha song, it’s freaking weird!” And Puck throws back, “Yeah well maybe you’ll think it’s cooler when I go all ‘Tik Tok’ on your face.” Man, the one liners were on fire!

Elsewhere, Schu, as usual, has his nose stuck in everyone’s business. After Quinn promises Brittany that she’ll talk to Mr. Schu about the whole cannon of death thing, he spoils Sue’s plans and confronts Principal Higgins. When Higgins denies any launching without consent, Sue flips out, destroying everything in her sight, and moves the Nationals competition to the same day as the big game. Without the cheerleaders, the team will be at a spirit disadvantage, plus the crowd will have no halftime show and the team already hates each other. All signs point to losing, but Beiste and Schu’s plan, inspired by the Philippine prison sensation, is sort of genius.

Beiste blackmails her team into joining the glee club for a week. No sing, no play. They’ll perform a mash-up of “Thriller” and “Heads Will Roll” during halftime with full on make-up and garb. (I must say this was one of the most successful mash-ups yet.) Everyone seems to be getting along well for awhile, building bridges and mending fences until some mullet-toting hockey players slushy the usual slushiers. Did anyone else jump for glee at all the harassing footballers finally getting a taste of their own medicine? “I don’t sing and dance. I walk tall and carry a big stick!” Right, Karofsy. He’s determined, moving forward, to be ICEE-free even if it means quitting the performance and missing the game. Peer pressure brings all the other players with him.

Karofsky is sure his bullying tactics will win out and Beiste won’t be willing to sacrifice the championship, but she’s serious. Instead, Rachel, Tina, Mercedes and Lauren step up to make sure McKinley has enough players and avoids a forfeit. Their plan: lay down on the field after each snap. Mirroring Karofsky’s bullying tactics is Sue who, after forcing Santana, Brittany and Quinn to leave New Directions and choose the Cheerios, guilts Brittany even further with an “I Miss You” card from the human cannon and tales of baby cannons that will go unfed if she doesn’t attend Nationals. For awhile, it looks like almost everyone would lose out, except the bullies. Yet Finn decides to step up and make some moves. He names Sam quarterback, asks Puck to rally the rest of the football team in any way possible and goes after the cheerleaders to persuade them to leave Sue and the Cheerios to perform alongside the people they really care about. Everyone completes their tasks successfully in time for one of the biggest, most ludicrous and seriously awesome Glee performances ever. I had to rewind immediately after it was finished because one thrill was just not enough. The choreography, though not a “Thriller” copy like the Britney or Madonna tribute episodes, was inventive but complimentary. Passing the singing torch between Rachel, Artie and Santana always makes for a rich blend of vocals, and the costumes and make-up were totally creepy. When Karofsky sees how much fun his team is having without him and how much the crowd is loving it, even he joins in with a smile.

They leave their make-up on during the game, coaxing the crowd to chant “brains, brains, brains” and help psych out the other team. “One of those zombies bit me!” says one of the opposing players. They use the momentum of their will-lifting, halftime  performance and pull out a win! Of course, the performance high only lasts a second for Karofsky, who rejects Finn’s offer to join the club, and, like always, full acceptance doesn’t appear to be on the horizon anytime soon, but it’s a step in a new direction for the two warring cliques. And Sue gets a little of what’s coming to her when Katie Couric (supreme casting!) interviews her for a “Loser of the Year” segment, the opposite of Barbara Walters’ 10 Most Fascinating People. “In the voting, you beat out the following losers: the economy, Mel Gibson, the housing market, Dina Lohan, Wall Street, Tiger Woods, the Dallas Cowboys, Brett Favre’s cell phone, 9% unemployment and Sparky Lohan, who is Dina Lohan’s dog and apparently also a loser.” Couric played it so straight, it was nothing but hysterical. Zing!

On the downside in terms of execution, this episode was severely lacking. Blaine, Kurt and the Warblers’ performance was fun but felt dropped in. Didn’t it also sound a little more auto-tuned than normal for the a cappella group? There were so many tiny storylines that popped up out of nowhere. All of a sudden Puck and Finn were friends again. Quinn planted a wet one on Finn because he was so sweet, yet he was still mad at Rachel for kissing Puck. Sam got in Finn’s face over being a bad leader and pushing his girlfriend to drop the Cheerios if she didn’t want to. There were a bunch of little interactions that just didn’t make sense in the scheme of this episode, but the big picture, the songs choices and their integration all fit perfectly. I can forgive the little issues. All in all, Glee promised a big, Super Bowl-worthy episode, and it delivered. Now, what’d you think?

THE SONGS

“Need You Now” by Lady Antebellum

Sung by Rachel and Puck (Puckleberry reunited!)

Grade: B

“She’s Not There” by The Zombies

Sung by The Boys of the McKinley Football team

Grade: A–

“Bills, Bills, Bills” by Destiny’s Child

Sung by Blaine and the Warblers

Grade: B

“Thriller/Heads Will Roll” by Michael Jackson / Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Sung by New Directions and the McKinley Football team

Grade: A

MEMORABLE MOMENTS

• “You will each enhance your bust with an additional pair of chicken cutlets, in an attempt to add some jiggle to what is the most boring routine I have ever witnessed.” – Sue, who makes Brittany, Santana and Quinn slap themselves in the face with said cutlets.
• Another great lesson was learned from Sue: never get a tattoo when you’re depressed. You may be so oblivious that you won’t notice the tattoo artist spelled your last name wrong until it’s too late.
• “I am not singing no showtunes. That is the music of my oppressors.” – Azimio, the black football player who I’m glad finally has a name.
• The look on Finn’s face when he realizes Rachel and Puck are going to sing a duet. He does the “huh…whaaat” face so well.
• Puck referring to he and Finn as a Gleestuds.
• Beiste lip-syncing to the “Need You Now” performance.
• Just when you think Sue’s tantrum is over and Will begins to tell Beiste the story of her flip out, she unexpectedly burst into the room and continues her tantrum. The timing was perfect.
• “Zombie camp was funner than I expected, and glee club together with the football team, it’s like a double rainbow. A zombie double rainbow.” – Brittany
• Was it too much information to find out that Sue takes 2 p.m. ninja poops?
• “Blaine and I love football. Okay, Blaine loves football. I love scarves.” – Kurt
• Lauren, “ready to bring the pain” on the field.
• Quinn kissing Finn because he inspired her to do the right thing. Where’d that come from?! Why?!?!

Want another opinion on this episode?  Check out Worth Staying Up For? by Alana D.

Season 2, Episode 11: The Sue Sylvester Shuffle (originally aired February 6, 2011)

For more  Glee, click here.

Tuesdays at 8pm on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDb Pro.