Grey’s Anatomy Review: Not Responsible

Last Thursday’s episode of Grey’s Anatomy was another great one because it really got me worked up.  I had to remind myself that I don’t know these people and I can’t jump through the screen and shake them or curse them out, even though I wanted to.  Now that’s good writing! I also love the way the writers let things unfold naturally, which I’ll get to later.

The episode opens with the annoying threesome.  Callie has a sonogram, which shows that the baby is doing well so far.  That joy was short-lived when they begin arguing over whether or not to have amniocentesis.  Callie is unsure, Arizona is for it, and Mark is against it.  Not only do they disagree about nearly everything, but Callie is in a perpetually grumpy mood.  Arizona and Mark are annoying, but Callie is equally irksome.  Meredith probably hopes to have a reason to be as grumpy as Callie one day, as she and Derek have been using fertility drugs to get Meredith pregnant. 

This week Meredith has a patient with Alzheimer’s and a young son who has been playing the very adult role of parent while caring for his ailing mother.  The woman’s husband works around the clock, so the family is under immense pressure.  They are so busy dealing with the woman’s Alzheimer’s that they haven’t adequately tended to their son’s medical issues, which involve a protrusion on his neck.  While they are at the hospital caring for his mother, Meredith suggests that they get the bump looked at.  They diagnose the boy with a protruding trachea and schedule a surgery.  Arizona, Cristina, and April were treating the boy, and Stark will perform the surgery.  He asks what took the boy so long to be seen and they explain that he came in for the first time that day.  His mother has Alzheimer’s and they were overwhelmed and hadn’t been able to address the lump until now.  Starks, being the a-hole that he is, orders them to call Child Protective Services because the boy is being neglected.  This guy is a real piece of work. I was seething as I watched this episode! I can’t remember the last time I’ve been so angry at a character.  The doctors tell the family that a social worker will visit them, trying to make it sound routine.  The woman’s husband isn’t buying it and when they figure out what’s going on they become hysterical. 

While they battle with Stark, Bailey treats the Chief’s wife Adele, who is in the ER yet again after falling and injuring herself.  Once again she gives conflicting reports of her fall and cannot remember details.  Bailey gives her a full work up and has the same neurological concerns that Meredith had.  The CT scan is normal but something is clearly wrong.  When Bailey approaches the Chief about the problem he is again reluctant to delve deeper.  Meredith forewarned Bailey that the Chief didn’t want to hear any talk of Alzheimer’s, but Bailey takes a different tack with him.  She simply tells him that if it was her wife suffering from an unknown neurological problem and she knew Derek Shepherd, a renowned neurologist – she’d have him take a look.  The Chief finally faces an uncertain truth and later asks Derek for help.

If that’s not close enough to home, Meredith also faces a health scare.  Her fertility drugs are causing some frightening side effects, namely loss of vision.  She is unable to assist Derek in surgery because she can’t see what she’s doing.  Earlier she’d had Alex examine her, but he didn’t find anything wrong.  Derek is concerned and a little angry that she didn’t tell him sooner.  They, along with Lucy, omnipresent OBGYN – decide that she should discontinue the fertility meds for the time being.  She wants to continue taking them, but is risking permanent disability.

As I mentioned before, the best thing about the show is the writing.  It is very subtle.  A few weeks ago I could not have imagined Avery and Lexie as an item.  Now, it makes perfect sense.  With the help of a transplant patient, she learns that it is possible to have more than one true love.  Teddy’s patient has suffered from Cystic Fibrosis and will be receiving new lungs.  He is there with his girlfriend at his side.  The prognosis looks good until the doctors discover that the patient and his girlfriend have a secret that can jeopardize both of their lives, especially his.  Both he and his girlfriend have the deadly disease, making his transplant a virtual waste.  A person with Cystic Fibrosis cannot be around another person with the disease, but they are fine around everyone else.  It is unhealthy for the patient to continue his relationship, and if he wants the lungs, they will have to break up, otherwise they are wasting them.  The couple is devastated, but eventually agrees to go their separate ways.  Lexie explains to the girl that it seems like she’ll never love like that again; but it’s not true.  She thinks about herself and Mark.  Later, Avery tells her that it’s hogwash that you only get one soul mate and he makes it clear that he’d like to be next in line to try. A few short weeks ago the idea of these two together would not have worked, but because the show is so well-paced, it seems perfect.  This burgeoning relationship has unfolded naturally, and it doesn’t feel forced.  Avery seems genuine and Lexie is open-minded.  I can’t wait to see where this goes next and how Mark responds when he finds out.  Stay tuned!

Best of the episode: Starks relenting on his demand for CPS to get involved.

Worst of the episode: Starks. Sorry, I really hate this guy.

What to watch for next: New couples Lexie and Avery / Alex and Lucy

Season 7, Episode 16: “Not Responsible” (original air date February 24, 2011)

Grey’s Anatomy airs Thursdays at 9/8c on ABC.

Images courtesy of ABC and Eric McCandless.

The Bachelor Review: The Final Four

I was silent last week in honor of Michelle’s weird, wordless departure. I at least expected her to break things, if not burn the hotel down for getting kicked off.

In reality my immune system broke last week, but now I am back in action and ready to talk home town dates. Here we go:

Chantal: To Brad, Chantal = emotions = bad. We all know Brad is a simple man, and he keeps talking about how he wants to find someone whom he can just be himself with and see everyday life with. Sorry Brad, but girls are effing crazy most of the time and cry a lot. Soooo, that is everyday life. Channy is just trying to keep it real here. Welp.

I also keep forgetting that Chantal was married? I also keep getting perplexed season after season as to why the producers stage reunions in parks? Whatevs. Chantal and Brad were reunited in some park in Seattle, and then went to her house with two cats and a dog that looks like Boo. Chantal kept saying they were a package deal, blah blah, who cares. I am really on the fence between liking Chantal and thinking she is a bit nutters and just wants another husband, even though we have no idea what happened to the last one. I feel like most girls are scarred by their past marital situations (see: Emily and Tenley) and often vocal about them, but for some reason Channy hasn’t said a peep. Methinks things didn’t end so amicably…

Then we went to her parents’ house. Wow, I was not expecting a mansion, but there it was. I also wasn’t expecting Chantal’s parents to have a teenage son (slipped one past the goalie?), or for her mom to resemble a Real Housewife. I did a little research called purchasing an issue of US Weekly, and it turns out her dad is loaded from owning a car dealership and she is his executive assistant. Fam business, I’ll take it, but I refuse to let this ex-husband thing go. I actually really liked Chantal’s dad though, but I couldn’t have done without that HUGE-ASS statue of a self-made man. I liked the message though, and I liked that he gave Brad a real legit hug while Brad was wearing a vest. It had a very mentor-mentee feel.  I approve.

Ashley: I never knew Maine had a French-Canadian feel. I DID have a feeling Brad would be dumb enough to respond in the affirmative with “si” in a French restaurant. Lord. Good thing you are pretty, Brad. I want to like Ashley, but she is so insanely perky that it becomes really distracting. She also needs constant reassurance from Bad that he is buying what she’s selling. Obvi everyone is self-conscious when the man you are introducing to your parents is dating 3 other women, but it’s the nature of the beast, Ash. So stop talking about it. I’m also very confused about Ashley’s life right now. I thought she was a dentist living in Philadelphia, so I couldn’t understand why Brad was so jazzed about her town when she doesn’t actually live there, but then I read that she is actually a dental student going to school in Philadelphia. Huh? I FEEL LIKE I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU NOW.

Her parents had a basket of sunflowers on the front door, of course, and her fam was just as perky and positive as she is. Was it cute or sickening? Blah.

Shawntel: Did everyone else see the commercial for her funeral home before this segment began? AWK. Brad hearts Shawntel because she is consistent and doesn’t come with any drama. But she works with dead people all day, which Brad no likey. This date was destined for disaster. Brad was clearly freaked out, no matter how Shawntel tried to spin how non-creepy her job actually is. I feel like Chico is a weird place, since the sisters names are Shawntel, Destiny and Vanessa, which sounds like a stripper lineup to me. Sorry. Also, dad was not happy that Shawntel was going to leave the Newton family business. He pretty much told Shawntel that he would be ruining all plans for the future if she left. To drive his point home he also mentioned a terrible tragedy that happened while she was gone filming The Bachie and pretty much told her she ruined the funeral by not being home. Guilt: works every time!

Emily: I don’t even know anymore. Emily introduced little Ricky to Mr. Brad in, you guessed it, a park! Brad brought a kite for little Ricky (and then it suddenly occurred to me that he didn’t bring gifts/wine/flowers to any of the other girls’ parents? Poor form), and he acknowledged that everyone knew this situation was awk. While I doubt little Ricky knew it was awk, I don’t doubt that she sure as hell didn’t want to be there. I’m going to say Brad isn’t all that great with kids, but he did make her laugh a couple of times. The weird date ended once Emily and Brad put little Ricky to bed (but left the camera men in there to keep her company), and Brad refused to kiss Em because of the daughter upstairs and respecting her… THIS ISN’T GOING TO WORK.  Or maybe Brad will realize that kids are people too and become a good dad? Meh? But Emily wasn’t having it and made Mr. Brad kiss her before he took off. Where were her parents? I hated this date, blah.

But Brad didn’t hate it enough to ditch her; he dumped Shawntel instead, who couldn’t have been nicer about it. He said he didn’t feel the way a man should when a woman says she loves him. Ouch. But I did love/hate the producers for leaving the Chantal/Shawntel duo for the last rose so we wouldn’t know who was getting the boot until the initial was uttered. Buaha. Chantal O. looked like a geisha sausage, and Shawntel should have spent more time on that ponytail.  Ashley got the first rose because she had the best dress, but I predict she will be gone next week.

So Chantal or Emily? The great debate continues next week!

Season 15, Episode 8: (originally aired February 21, 2011)

Having trouble committing? Juggle another recap and check out “House and Home” by Lauren Tyree

Fall in love with The Bachelor Mondays at 8/7c on ABC

Images courtesy of Rick Rowell and Craig Sjodin for ABC

The Vampire Diaries Review: Kill Klaus

Holy balls. This week’s episode of The Vampire Diaries can only be described as INTENSE. In fact, it may have been the best episode the series has produced thus far in my humble opinion. In this single hour two characters died, two couples fell in love, one couple broke up, one character almost died, one learned the truth about his vampire girlfriend, a villain from the past resurfaced, a witch got her powers back, and a flamethrower was used not once – but twice! What more do you need?

With the temporary death of Elijah in last week’s episode a whole lot of wheels were put in motion not least of which Katherine being set free from her prison with a desire to help the Salvatore brothers and Elena kill the ultimate vampire, Klaus. But that of course is no easy task. The one weapon that could be used to kill Klaus was used to kill Elijah and if that knife is removed from Elijah, he’ll come back to life and pissed off to boot. Damon tries a couple things to destroy Elijah’s body such as torching him with a flamethrower, but Katherine instructs him that Elijah is in fact indestructible.  Again, I ask why burying him somewhere is not an option?

Plan B of the Kill Klaus mission involves talking to the warlocks, Jonas and Luka Martin, who were working with Elijah to kill Klaus with the power from a witch burial ground to save their daughter/sister from Klaus’s service. Stefan and Bonnie meet up with them to announce that Elijah is dead but that they would be happy to join forces to help them kill Klaus and get the girl back. The bitter warlocks are not interested though and rebuke the offer out of mistrust and doubt in the Salvatores and their motley crew of heroes.

Instead, Luka and Jonas decide the best way to proceed is to use their powers to bring Elijah back from the dead.The way they go about this though is interesting. Rather than break into the Salvatore mansion to remove the knife from Elijah’s body, they attempt doing it psychically by combining their powers and sending an invisible version of Luka into the mansion where Damon and Katherine are lounging around unaware of his presence. He successfully finds the body and begins pulling the knife out just as Katherine walks by to get a bag of blood out of the cooler. She spots the knife rising slowly from Elijah’s chest on its own and pounces on it to push it back in. Noticing the struggle, Jonas advises his son to find a stake and stick her with it so he can get back to the task at hand, which he does. With Katherine out of commission invisible Luka returns to reviving Elijah just as wonderfully impulsive Damon shows up brandishing his flamethrower and starts dousing the body in a shower of fire!

If you thought that no harm could come to someone who wasn’t actually in the room though, you’d be wrong because back in the supposed safety of the Martin home, Luka bursts into flames and is dead in seconds. Extra crispy.

Jonas doesn’t like this. He is a father after all and even warlocks have feelings so you can best believe that revenge is coming. Stefan shows up at the house and tries to calm Jonas down but instead gets a spell cast on him that turns him into a pussy writhing on the floor. Jonas could have easily killed him right there but instead, his target is Elena.

Elena, meanwhile, is in the midst of a girl’s night out as she, Bonnie, Caroline, and Jenna attend a concert at the Grill – the only place in town that anyone EVER goes to. Jenna is still in the dumps about her breakup with Alaric who she feels is not telling the truth about his supposedly dead wife, Isobel, who also happens to be Elena’s mother. Earlier in the episode, Alaric and Elena discuss telling Jenna the whole truth about everything but the consensus is to still keep her in the dark. That decision alone keeps Alaric and Jenna from patching things back up. At least in this episode.

Another couple struggling with the truth is Caroline and Matt. Matt has essentially given up on Caroline since she secretly became a vampire but on this particular night she throws caution to the wind and decides to get him back once and for all. So she storms up on stage where the band is performing, gives an awkwardly nervous speech, and then compels the band to play for her so she can sing “Eternal Flame” for Matt. The scene was actually very well done and Caroline can sing quite well. Don’t believe me? Check it out for yourself here.

Nice, right? Scenes like that typically end romantic comedies in an eye-rolling manner but it works here and I’ll be watching it a few more times as long as you all promise not to tell anyone. And as if that wasn’t enough good news, Bonnie finally asks Elena’s permission to date Jeremy and she agrees! All is well at the Grill!

And then Jonas shows up.

With his evil witch ways Jonas starts making lights explode and sets tables on fire. People panic and chaos reigns. In the havoc, Stefan arrives with a ploy to get Elena to safety which involves Caroline attacking Jonas. This goes about as well as you think it would so Caroline goes down and her heroic new boyfriend jumps in to fight Jonas only to end up with a broken bottle stabbed into his throat. Ouch.

This distraction was enough to get Elena out of the bar but now Matt is near death. Not having any other choice, Caroline rips into one of her veins and gives Matt some of her sweet healing blood thus saving his life and revealing her secret all at once. Most people would be thankful and naturally a little weirded out, but when he finally comes to, Matt wigs out at the truth and immediately thinks Caroline was involved with his sister, Vicky’s, death back in the early days of the series. So much for love rekindled.

After the mayhem Bonnie, Jeremy, Elena and Stefan regroup at Elena’s house where they think they are safe until sure enough, Jonas shows up again attempting to kill Elena. But wait! It’s not Elena! It’s Katherine and when Jonas pounces she happily takes a big old chunk out his neck causing him to join his son in the afterlife. Jonas gets in one last scare though when he jolts back to life and grabs Bonnie tightly. We think he might be trying to kill her but it turns out he was just giving her powers back along with the knowledge of how to kill Klaus. Awwww. He wasn’t so bad after all…once you get past the whole he tried to kill everyone thing.

And as if all that wasn’t enough, the episode ends with Jenna and Elena getting a knock at the door. It’s Isobel who promptly introduces herself to a shocked Jenna as Elena’s mother. Oops. Alaric be screwed.

Sadly, that’s all she wrote for the series until April 7 when The Vampire Diaries returns for its final six episodes of the season. The show has certainly been on a roll as of late so I look forward to seeing how this all plays out. I think you can now officially call me a fan.

The Vampire Diaries: Season 2, Episode 16: “The House Guest” (originally aired February 24, 2011.)

The Vampire Diaries airs Thursdays at 8/7c on The CW.

Images courtesy of Bob Mahoney and The CW.

Top Chef Review: The Drama Heats Up

As the competition for Top Chef begins to dwindle, drama between contestants starts rising. Paula Deen judges a Quickfire Challenge where the contestants have to fry something of their choice in 30 minutes. The drama heightens when Mike uses an idea he finds in Richard’s little black book. While Mike prepares the stolen dish, Richard fries some mayonnaise, using liquid nitrogen in some way, as always.

Antonia also has her own set of high-tension stress. Instead of following the rules and setting two plates, she sets only one, a small rebellion that technicality disqualifies her from the challenge. Carla and Dale are in the bottom. Richard and Mike are at the top. Paula Deen does the meanest thing in the world, announced Antonia as the winner, but then gave the prize to Mike because Antonia did not follow directions, and breaks down into tears over her disqualification. That woman is insane to announce Antonia as the winner and then take it away.

But now there are more reasons to hate Mike. He’s a completely jerk for using Richard’s idea. Later on that day, Antonia tells the other contestants, causing everyone to flip out. Stealing someone’s recipe and not crediting them is really a scumbag move.

Guest judge John Besh joins us for the Elimination Challenge. For this challenge, the previously eliminated chefs return to work with the chefs that still have a chance to win. Each eliminated chef comes back carrying a certain type of seafood. Marcel is toting white shrimp, which is the food everyone wants, but no one wants him. Tiffany decides she wants the shrimp bad enough to deal with Marcel. Big surprise when Richard picks Fabio. That’s sarcasm, because they’ve always seemed to have a bromance brewing.

Since there are only six of them, it’s going to be three at the top and three at the bottom, with absolutely no middle ground. Tiffany decides to put Marcel in check, although he really seems like he has good ideas and is just trying to help. Honestly, no matter how annoyed everyone is with him, he seems like a really sweet guy. Judges seem to love Mike’s dish, which makes me wonder where he stole it from this time. The judges catch Richard and Fabio in a fight, but it doesn’t stop them from loving his dish. Dale and Angelo fail during the event and so do Tiffany and Marcel. Carla and Tre also struggle with their dish and working with one another. Obviously those teams are the ones that are will probably end up in the bottom.

Antonia sends Spike out to see the judges’ reaction, but he ends up spilling some wine and flirting with girls. Lucky for Antonia, the judges love their concoction.

Bottom: Dale, Tiffany, and Carla

Top: Antonia, Richard, Mike.

Apparently, Marcel prepared the shrimp, which came out a little bit overcooked. Marcel made the sauce too, but Tiffany diluted it. So basically Tiffany had all the ideas but Marcel made it, under her direction, and the judges hated it. Tiffany did not take one piece of advice from Marcel. It seems like Tiffany’s ideas are always bad. She’s always been on the bottom, but Marcel usually was at the top or the winner until the restaurant challenge where he had to work with people. Dale had too much flavor on his dish, as well as undercooked potatoes. Carla also had too much hot sauce and mustard on her fish.

Dale is out and Richard wins! Richard announces he’s taking Fabio on his trip to Barbados with his family. Overall, the episode was very spicy with drama and tears. Nothing touches the audience more than emotion, mostly because we can’t touch the food. I would give this episode a B+.

For another take on this week’s show, check out “Deep Fried Paula Deen” by Gabe Callahan.

Season 8, Episode 11 “For the Gulf” (original air date Feb 23, 2011)

Top Chef: All-Stars airs Wednesday 10/9c on Bravo.

Photos courtesy of David Giesbrecht and Bravo.

Supernatural Review: They Killed @mishacollins! Those Bastards!

In a case of art imitating life, or is it the other way around? This week’s Supernatural brings the Winchester brothers to an alternate reality. This other universe though isn’t just any old parallel dimension; it’s our real world, except with actors playing executive producers Robert Singer and Eric Kripke and Sam and Dean playing Sam and Dean playing Jared and Jensen. Get that?

In this episode Balthazar shows up at Bobby’s urgently looking for salt, lambs blood (how very Biblical!), and some kind of bone fragment. He tells the brothers that Cas has gone underground, hiding from Raphael but that’s allowed the other angel to send out a hit list on all of Cas’s allies, Godfather style. Raphael is after Balthazar since he stole a huge cache of heavenly weapons and he needs Sam and Dean to keep the key safe and out of Raphael’s reach. The solution of course is to send them to another dimension.

The Winchesters get sent over to a world where they are stars of a television show called Supernatural that is based on their real lives as hunters. In this reality though there are no angels, no demons, no hunters and no magic. All the things that Sam and Dean deal with every day are merely pretend over here. They quickly find themselves on the set of Bobby’s house, learn that they wear makeup, and meet actor Misha Collins who plays Castiel. They also learn that they’re not even brothers, they don’t talk to each other, and Sam is married to actress Genevieve Cortese (who played Ruby in the series) and they live in a huge mansion with douche pictures of themselves all over the place.

It was a funny peek into the pseudo-set of Supernatural where Collins is an actor addicted to Twitter, and who by the way tweeted the exact same tweet in the episode onto his real twitter account as audiences on the east coast watched. Though sadly the fates weren’t looking too well upon this actor as the first victim of the angel Virgil, sent in by Raphael to get the key from Sam and Dean.

Meanwhile the producers and other crew members of the show begin to suspect that Sam and Dean, or Jensen and Jared, are on some kind of extended acid trip to explain their odd behavior in importing dead parts of people, beating up extras (who was Virgil), their inability to act, and over all weirdness.

Former show runner Eric Kripke is called in (he was off somewhere penning Octocobra) to talk to Jensen and Jared (poor Sera Gamble, who is the current show runner because apparently the other producers didn’t think she could do the job). As Kripke arrives on set, Virgil re-appears and starts killing everyone he comes across with classic western gun fighting music in the background.

Sam and Dean manage to get there to beat Virgil out of consciousness as the red seal on a set glass window begins to glow and Raphael pulls them back into their own reality (expecting Virgil). They face the angel who is now wearing a female meat suit when Balthazar appears followed by Castiel. Turns out the brothers were used as a diversion to give Balthazar and Castiel more time to find and get to the real cache of weapons that are now in Cas’s possession. Raphael gets spooked by ominous claps of thunder and the shadow of Cas’s wings; promptly vanishing to fight another day.

Cas brings the Winchesters back to the real Bobby’s house just as they left it, rain outside and the window they crashed through still leaving a big gaping hole. The angel attempts to justify his actions and tells them that he’ll explain when he cans. After their trip to bizarro world, the Winchesters are back to their moldy, termite-y, everything that wants to kill them lives, but as Sam says in the end – at least their talking. No matter how crappy their reality is, here they are brothers and everything else they can deal with.

For an incredibly meta episode it was chocked full of hilarity and lessons. Perhaps what was most disturbing for Sam and Dean being Jensen and Jared for a moment was that their lives were all pretend in that world and therefore meaningless. But in their reality, it might be one set of one crappy circumstances after another, but what they did actually made a difference. After the previous episode where they had inadvertently caused an innocent girl to be killed, this experience was a renewal of faith in their lives as hunters. Nothing like losing something to appreciate what you have.

So while we still know very little of the civil war in heaven, we do get a little reminder that Sam and Dean remain loyal to each other and despite the downsides of being hunters, they remain to fight the good fight because it gives purpose to their existence and all the BS that comes with it makes it worthwhile.

Season 6, Episode 15: The French Mistake (originally aired February 25, 2011)

For more Supernatural, click here.

Fridays at 9/8C on The CW

Images courtesy of The CW and Jack Rowand

America’s Next Top Model Review: Busted-up Broads in Bubbles

America’s Next Top Model is the archetype for all things fashion in reality TV.  Like all good fashion, ANTM has to stay fresh, hip, and current.  However, after two and a half seasons of watching the queens on RuPaul’s Drag Race turn it out on the main stage, I have been unforgiving to young hopeful ANTM contestants who can’t walk in high heels or apply their own make-up.  Moreover, I was not looking forward to watching another two-hour season premiere of ANTM where the girls paraded in front of “the Jays” (J. Manuel & Miss J. Alexander) and Tyra Banks and tell them how they’ve dreamed of this their whole lives and they’ll do anything – even cut their hair (until they hear the buzz of the clippers) – just to make it into the house.  Thankfully Tyra attempted to stay fresh, cut casting week altogether, and moved the girls right into the house.  Unfortunately for me, that’s where the excitement ended.

First of all, let me say I love Tyra.  I’ve been watching ANTM since cycle 2 although I missed the last cycle because the show was getting stale – or maybe because the marathons on the VH1 or the Style Network were incessant and I was OD’ing on ANTM.   Nevertheless, I love Eva, Dani, Jaslene, Nik (runner-up), Toccara, Saleisha, Teyona, & Krista, so I’m wanting to see models bring the thunder.

Cycle 16

Once she bypassed casting week, Tyra tricked the girls into thinking they were the girls being sent home.  Technically, they were.  They were in their new Top Model home.  One they got settled in, the girls’ first challenge was to walk in a fashion show in Malibu, CA for model/jewelry designer Erin Wasson and T by Alexander Wang.  Of course, there’s a catch: although having never received (at least, on camera) training – outside of Miss Jay’s demonstration on the grass – the girls would be walking over water on a 12-inch runway in a bubble.  In a bubble?!?!  Seriously?!  Top Model is getting silly.  The audience seemed to be more enthralled with whether or not the girls would stay on the ruler-wide runway and not fall into the water than they seemed to be with the designers’ pieces.  When did the pendulum shift where the designers didn’t mind being upstaged by the model????

You just knew know one of those “broke-down, busted” heffas was going to fall…in the water.  And the two unlucky ladies: Ondrei and Dominique.  Once they fell, it turned into an episode of Bloopers.  It was like they were on a water ride in an amusement park.  In the early cycles of ANTM, Tyra used to show her photo after which the contestants’ photos were themed or patterned.  When did Tyra walk in a bubble over a 12-in runway?!  I want to see that.

Side note: this cycle has two contestants with prior modeling experience.  One had been on the cover of V Magazine and Alexandria modeled in LA Fashion Week & New York Fashion week.  Have they run out of amateur models?

Backstage Pre-Panel: this is like a 30-second clip of the judges getting set-up prior to judging.  Tyra started airing this a few cycles ago.  In lieu of showing Tyra’s themed photos, it seems she’s started showing pre-panel.  Why? Also, Andre’ Leon Talley wore a plume tonight.  I know Andre’ is IT in the world of high fashion, but I’m – hmmm – sorry, not feelin’ it.  I like Andre’, but I’m not feelin’ the plume.  Maybe it’s ‘cause I marched in the band for three years wearing a plume.  I just don’t associate my band uniform plume with high fashion.  Nevertheless, I give it another two years, and they’ll be on sale for $39.99 at Macy’s.

In cycles past, the contestants’ first photo shoots had them in the nude, “clothed” in dramatic paint while posing in a garden, or they were bald, or they went to Jamaica and modeled swim suits.  While this is not a testament to the work of this week’s photographer Russell James, I was so unexcited about this first photo shoot of black and white backstage fashion show images.  Tyra told Sarah, “This picture looks like a 19-year-old boy with make-up on, but that’s why I like it.”  So…she looked like a drag queen in the making????  Now we have come to Drag Race, full circle.  However, my preliminary favorite pictures and models thus far: Dalya and Ondrei.

Cycle 16, Episode 1: “Erin Wasson” (originally aired February 23, 2011)

Catch all the runway drama on ANTM Wednesdays at 8/7c on The CW

For another take on this episode, check out “Welcome Back, Tyra” by Desiree Neall

Images courtesy of The CW

American Idol Review: The Long and Winding Road

At last! Those of us patient enough to have sat through the past six weeks of arduous auditions can breathe a sigh of relief, as the tenth season of American Idol is officially underway with a brand new set of singers readying themselves for America’s vote. Wednesday and Thursday unleashed a stupefying four-hour miniseries of calculated tension, as the judges determined who would make the Top 24. After the overcrowded catastrophe of Hollywood Week left 61 contestants still standing, Randy interrupted their celebratory shrieks to inform them their audition process wasn’t quite finished. The remaining hopefuls headed to Vegas to perform Beatles songs on the Cirque du Soleil LOVE stage and, in an exercise painfully reminiscent of Group Week, had less than 24 hours to merge into duos and trios and learn and perform a classic Beatles tune to prove their mettle. The ever-informative Seacrest reminds us that sending people home is a tough job for the judges, especially because – you guessed it – the talent is particularly “unmatched” this year. Viva Las Vegas!

The Idols have several vocal coaches helping them with their routines, but one in particular is so hilariously brusque that even Simon Cowell himself wouldn’t be tempted to roll his eyes in her direction. Seacrest refers to Peggi Blu as “the vocal coach…FROM HELL,” but in all honesty the verbal abuse she hurls at the contestants in person is basically the same stuff I shout at them through the protective shield of my television. Thia Megia and Kosovo immigrant Melinda Ademi are having a particularly tough time, and Peggi tells them that she’s certain they have no idea what they’re doing and dares them to prove her wrong. If they succeed, she promises, she’ll “eat crow…happily…I’ll put some salt on it, and swallow.” Melinda looks sufficiently scared into submission, while Thia musters the best bitchface a 15-year-old can. Let the games begin.

Several contestants actually admit their complete ignorance of the Beatles canon, including Ashthon Jones’ claim that she’s never even heard a Beatles song. Jesus. If that statement were true, of course, that would mean this girl has been locked in a closet or trapped under something heavy her entire life, so what I take from her statement is that she’s simply completely uneducated on the Beatles in general and doesn’t know that the Beatles songs she’s heard are, in fact, Beatles songs. Sadly, I have the sickening sensation she could tell me at the drop of a hat when all the Kardashian sisters’ birthdays are, though. Sigh. Jacob Lusk says, “I don’t know very much about The Beatles…other than that they’re awesome.” He’s at least on the right track, but for Pete’s sake, these kids want to be professional musicians? Get with the program.

Stefano Langone’s and James Durbin’s festive retread of “Get Back” is the first performance on the LOVE stage, and it’s not half bad. Both guys sound controlled and jovial, as though they may actually be enjoying themselves while also doing a good job. The judges exchange nods of approval during the song, and Tyler tells James he sang in the “way-out-osphere” and that the performance was a “great kickoff” to the evening. Stefano and James frolic off the stage to celebrate.

Pia Toscano and Karen Rodriguez went to LaGuardia High School of Music & Art and the Performing Arts in New York City together – you know, the Fame school. I can’t tell if they really were as good of friends as they claim they were, or if they possibly spent their formative years talking about each other behind their backs. If I remember high school correctly, I suppose both scenarios could have existed simultaneously. Both ladies are talented, albeit a bit boring, and offer up a completely competent version of “Can’t Buy Me Love.” J. Lo likes that both girls “know what it is to be a performer,” but I bet thousands of other Pias and Karens out there do, too.

Jacob, Haley Reinhart and Naima Adedapo each perform individual verses of “The Long and Winding Road” (boy, is it ever) with their own respective, unique spin. I still can’t understand the strings of syllables Haley shouts and pretends are intelligible words, but Jacob, and especially Naima, are on my radar.

Tim Halperin and Julie Zorrilla play dueling keyboards in a really nice rendition of “Something,” while Lauren Turner finally catches my eye during her duet with Jovany Barretto on “Let It Be.” Considering I can’t remember him for anything but taking his shirt off with Randy and Steven during his audition, me thinks Jovany mustn’t have too much to offer vocally, at least not yet.

Rachel Zevita and two nondescript no-names tackle “Eleanor Rigby,” one of my favorite Beatles songs, and Rachel finally gets a moment to shine in her element. The haunting tone of the song really suits her voice, and I look forward to hearing more from her, in spite of not being particularly impressed with her initial audition.

Jerome Bell, Lakeisha Lewis and Tatynisa Wilson perform a lively, toe-tapping version of “When I Saw Her Standing There” that completely brings a smile to my face. I can’t get over Tatynisa even making it this far in light of her supreme lyric-forgetting disaster in Hollywood, but she marginally redeems herself here, and I can even look past the neon pink lipstick. Why is that a trend right now? And where have you been, Lakeisha? Even Randy has to make note of the “Aretha kind of a thing” she’s got going on.

Kendra Chantelle and Paul McDonald blow everyone else away with their subtle and searing performance of “Blackbird.” Paul has been kept under wraps as a secret weapon for weeks now, I think, and Kendra is either genuinely great or unbelievably fortunate to have paired up with Paul. J. Lo loves the soft tone to Paul’s voice that “cuts right through,” in spite of not having the traditional power most strong vocalists are known for. Bravo.

Clint Jun Gamboa and a mystery girl wail through a painfully affected version of “Help!” while Ashthon seems to have adapted to the Beatles rather well with a confident performance of “Ticket to Ride.” John Wayne Schultz gets by witha little help from his friend, the trusty cowboy hat, to sing, well, “With a Little Help From My Friends.”

Thia and Melinda don’t stink up the joint as much as Peggi predicted, although their rather cutesy, sing-songyperformance of “Here Comes the Sun” does elicit an audible snort from both Peggi and myself.

Ashley Sullivan takes a break from rehearsal to go shopping…for her WEDDING DRESS. Or, wedding outfit, rather, as we see the newly betrothed nutcase peruse through racks of white polyester tracksuits at what looks to be a hotel gift shop. She’s excited because she and her fiancé are tying the knot where Britney Spears famously eloped in 2004 – and look how well that turned out! The poor groom is essentially catatonic throughout the entire ordeal, especially when Ashley deadpans that she’ll kill him in his sleep if he tries to back out. I’m afraid I’d be too scared not to marry her, too. Poor guy. Clad in her best pleather pants and white sleeveless top, Ashley Sullivan becomes Ashley Suraiva at the famed Little White Wedding Chapel before hightailing it back to the stage only to crash and burn. She duets with Sophia Shorai on “We Can Work It Out,” a rather ironic song choice, considering the dismal outcome of their performance proved they actually can’t work it out, apparently. Ever eloquent, Randy tells the girls their efforts were “just not hot today,” but Ashley surprisingly keeps her cool and offers a genuinely thought-out response to Seacrest’s backstage pestering. Well, that’s a first. Sophia continues to only exist on a peripheral level, and I predict this will be the last we hear from her.

Lauren Alaina, Denise Jackson, and Scotty “Nuts of Wonder” McCreery had a rough go of it earlier but changed songs and instead choose to perform a zany and fragmented song-and-dance number to “Hello, Goodbye.” Tyler hilariously compares it to a Marx Brothers routine, while J. Lo and Randy agree that it perhaps wasn’t the best song for a trio, or vocalists in general. “We’ll take that into consideration,” they promise.

Carson Higgins and Caleb Hawley make some noise I still couldn’t decipher upon repeat viewings, while Chris Medina and Casey Abrams have a grand ol’ time singing “A Hard Day’s Night.” Robbie Rosen and his Charles in Charge ‘do could jump right on stage during Jersey Boys without missing a beat. Kid is good. He teams up with Hollywood Week diva Jordan Dorsey and the previously unseen Aaron Sanders (even J. Lo can’t remember him, saying, “I always forget how good you are!” Not a good sign.) on “Got To Get You Into My Life.” They add an amusing fake echo at the end, and the entire performance is so earnestly likeable I forget Jordan is supposed to be this season’s villain. “Fuhgeddaboudit!” says Tyler.

After a strangely edited transition in which we learn 21 of the 61 Vegas participants were told to take a hike, I’m thrilled to report Ashley Sullivan has been officially set free, while numerous unknowns were mercifully weeded out. Nice not knowing you, mystery rejects, and good luck with wedded bliss to Ashley and her brainwashed minion. It could be convenient editing, but Ashley’s demeanor has been significantly calmer since the elopement. Maybe those two crazy kids really can work it out.

The Top 40 remaining Idols head back to LA for the obligatory “Sing For Your Life” round, in which each contestant has one last shot to wow the judges with an impeccable solo before the Top 24 are named. The dramatic reveal is perhaps the most needlessly drawn-out television event in history, not helped by a mile-long runway the contestants are forced to walk down in order to meet the judges.

Naima is first and she decks herself out in an ornate blue dress for the occasion. The snippet of her solo we’re shown isn’t as promising as her other performances, but Tyler assures her they fell in love with her from day one and also appreciate her humble background. He exhibits the first of many poorly executed fake-outs to come, and Naima is officially the first contestant of season ten to make it to the Top 24.

Clint Jun Gamboa heads down the runway, likely wondering if he chose the right ridiculous glasses to wear, and we’re reminded of his natural talent but painfully overwrought technique. Earlier, new in-house mentor Jimmy Iovine was shown telling a contestant to never “oversing,” and unfortunately Clint may need to be issued that memo throughout the season  — especially because he also gets sent through to the next round and will be up for America’s vote next week.

Haley Reinhart has a good-natured and laid-back attitude about her future in the competition, throwing around phrases like “que sera” as nonchalantly as a half-hearted shrug. When the judges tell her she’s in, she doesn’t cry, shriek or jump up and down, and frankly it’s a nice change of pace. “Aw,” Tyler says when he watches Haley trudge the never-ending path back to the holding room. “She’s a happy girl.” “Today she is,” J. Lo wisely says. Indeed, once the weekly live performances and voting begin, many contestants may be issued a serious reality check that hampers their otherwise sunny outlook on life.

Dark horse Paul McDonald glides into the Top 24 with ease, as does Beatles neophyte Ashthon Jones. Just when it seems like this may turn out to be a cakewalk, however, Chris Medina strolls in and the melodrama almost instinctively kicks up a notch or twelve. J. Lo seems genuinely heartbroken to tell Chris he didn’t make the cut, but when they show video of his final solo, I’m pleased the judges had the good sense to know when a marketable story simply can’t trump lack of talent. Chris may be a stand-up guy with incredible conviction for his family, but his performance of “Fix You” was absolutely AWFUL. I couldn’t detect a single on-key note and the entire song – at least what we were shown, anyway – was a cringe-worthy disaster from beginning to end. Chris seems to know he blew it and doesn’t look particularly surprised to get the boot, but J. Lo is devastated and production halts…just in time for the end credits!

Thursday night picks up where the trail of Chris Medina left off, somewhere near a pile of J. Lo’s tissues. Suddenly, the show has begun revolving around Jennifer Lopez’s emotional anguish, and Randy and Tyler console her while she composes herself. Personally, I’m impressed and glad the show had the good sense to send Chris home when he deserved to leave and not continue exploiting the tragedy that befell his fiancée. Whether or not Chris was hoping to Gokey his way to the finals, or the producers were just going to Gokey him for us, we’ll never know, and I couldn’t be happier.

Karen Rodriguez is the next contestant to find out her fate in the competition, and we learn she’s been shamelessly pandering to J. Lo this entire time. She slyly worked in a Jennifer Lopez song during Hollywood Week and boldly sang a Selena ballad – en Espanol! – for her final solo. She’s in.

Charles in Charge is also sent through, and Randy marvels that “you’d never know he was a genius” upon first impression. J. Lo puts it a bit more elegantly and says Robbie has an “unassuming” talent about him. I give it two more weeks before the stylists separate him from that mullet.

Tatynisa Wilson must have made it by the skin of her teeth, and she looks as surprised as I feel. Unless she gets it together immediately, I predict imminent and immediate doom for this apparent cannon fodder of a contestant. They kicked off Lakeisha for her? What about the wonderful Hollie Cavanagh, who kept getting better and better AND NEVER FORGOT HER WORDS? Hmph.

Tim Halperin and Julie Zorrilla predictably sail through, while Lauren Turner continues to prove she may be one not only to only watch, but also vote for. Rachel Zevita and her increasingly eclectic style is seriously growing on me. Her solo of Lady Gaga’s “Speechless,” was sit-up-straight whoa, and I have a fondness for her necktie made of tiny pearls.

Kendra Chantelle may have Paul McDonald to thank for her spot in the Top 24, but her final solo of Alicia Keys’ “Fallin’” proved she may have distinction beyond the typical folky blonde. Jordan Dorsey makes it through on pure vocal merit, but rightfully gets called out for his divatude during Hollywood Week. The guy can certainly sing, but a likability factor may prove problematic when it comes to votes.

Lauren Alaina gets more ridiculous every time she’s on screen, and her Cowboy Barbie costume this evening is not helping curb my growing unenthusiasm. She, like Jordan, is undeniably talented, but lacks an air of relatability that makes me want to get to know this person. Granted, I didn’t want to get to know teenage girls when I was one – especially those in pink cowboy boots – and that certainly hasn’t changed in the last decade. Looks like Lauren will have plenty of time to win me over, however. I don’t think she’s going anywhere, anytime soon.

Adorable Stefano Langone is also sticking around, as is Ebenezer Baptist himself, the supernaturally gifted Jacob Lusk. Randy calls his version of “God Bless the Child” the best performance on Idol EVER and, admittedly, sends him through on that tour de force alone. While I’m not sure I agree with that bold statement, the look on a terrified Seacrest’s face when an overjoyed Jacob whirls him in circles is worth any hyperbole from Randy.

Pia Toscano will be joining her high school chum Karen in the Top 24, while a noticeably heavier James Durbin (how much time has gone by since Vegas?) makes the interesting decision to sing “A Change is Gonna Come” for his final solo; it’s a song Adam Lambert famously nailed in Season 8, and Durbin does right by his performance. However, for someone seemingly anxious to escape the shadow of a similar predecessor, Durbin’s song choice doesn’t reflect his stated desire to carve his own niche. Predictably, he’ll have at least one more chance to decide and is added to the Top 24.

Casey Abrams makes it too, of course, and is so beside himself he involuntarily kicks his chair off the stage. Need I say more? I just adore him.

Scotty McCreery is unabashedly ready to redeem himself after the still-hilarious Nuts of Wonder gaffe and perhaps even perform a song that doesn’t discuss the locking of doors or the turning of lights down low. In a cute move before his last solo, he tells J. Lo his grandmother wanted him to tell her he’s one-quarter Puerto Rican, even though he “knows” we “can’t tell.” No, Scotty, we can’t. His final performance is a quiet showstopper and welcome breath of fresh air from him, and he edges out fellow cowboy John Wayne Schulz for a spot in the Top 24. This contest apparently just wasn’t big enough for the both of ‘em.

Although I get my first inkling that Jovany Barretto can kind of sing, I’m sick of the same Marc Anthony song being cued every time his segment begins. It’s going to get really old if America decides to buy into this whole Latin lover persona he’s milking and actually vote for this guy. I can’t believe J. Lo, Marc Anthony’s wife, is wholeheartedly tolerating this.

Jovany’s presence in the semifinals soon becomes even more infuriating, but not before the final female spot is narrowed down to 15-year-old Thia and SEVEN-TIME contestant Jessica Cunningham, who was cut just before the semis last season. It’s Jessica’s 25^th birthday, and she makes no bones about telling the judges it would be an awful bummer to be rejected, for the SEVENTH time, on the day she turns “a quarter century,” to someone ten years her junior, no less. Guess what happens? Thia may be young but is smart enough not to squeal with glee in Jessica’s face at the unsurprising news, and Jessica proceeds to flip a double bird to the cameras and sulk off to plan next year’s audition.

With all the girls’ spots filled, three guys are left to duke it out over one lone, last slot in the Top 24. My precious little minx Brett Lowenstern, early favorite Jacee Badeaux, and the little-seen Colton Dixon walk the endless runway hand in hand to hear the decision together. While I wholeheartedly believe Jacee isn’t ideal for the competition in the long run (can you seriously imagine gee-whiz Jacee, as pleasant as his voice is, as the next American Idol? How about as a Grammy-winning recording artist? Me either.), the footage we see of Colton’s final solo made my jaw hit the floor. Dude can seriously play piano and has stage presence so tangible I could’ve grabbed it through my TV screen. Unlike the wonderful but admittedly unconventional and quirky Brett, Colton also has a certain marketable look about him that teenage girls would want adorning their bedroom walls. I’m thrilled when the spot goes to Brett, but thoroughly miffed when I realize a talent like Colton’s was brushed off in favor of Rico Suave and his waxed chest. Ugh.

There you have it, Idolers – the tenth set of Top 24 semifinalists, in all their warbling glory. I’m already bracing myself for next week’s three-day trifecta when the contestants’ future is officially put in the hands of the voters. I foresee quick exits for Tatynisa Wilson and Pia Toscano for the ladies, while Jordan Dorsey’s elitism may have already garnered him some enemies. Until next week, readers!

What do you think of this year’s Top 24? Did any of your favorites get cut? Will you seriously miss Chris Medina, or have you already forgotten who he is? Will J. Lo cry every week? Will she and Tyler ever show up in the same outfit? Do you think Ashley is still married? Get your voting fingers in shape by posting a comment below!

Need more Idol? Read “Harry Potter Glasses, Seth Rogan, and Baby Lock Them Doors Make the Top 24” by Kelley Lynn.

Season 10, Episodes 11 and 12: Las Vegas Round & Top 24 Chosen Part 1 and 2 (originally aired February 23 and 24, 2011)

For more American Idol coverage, click here.

Don’t miss American Idol Tuesday, Wednesdays and Thursdays, 8/7c on FOX.

Photographs courtesy of Fox Broadcasting Company and IMDbPro.

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Live Stream: Watch The 2011 Spirit Awards Live (2:30pm EST) Hosted By Joel McHale

Watch the live stream below and type your thoughts to interact with the hosts. (2:30pm EST/11:30am PST)

Also, be sure to enter our Oscar Pick Em Challenge to win really cool prizes including Lil’ Wayne/ Nicki Minaj Tickets (Enter Pick Em Here).

Top Chef Review: Deep Fried Paula Deen

Top Chef All Stars brought in one of television’s biggest chef personalities as a judge this week, Paula Deen. I am pretty convinced she wants to kill us all with her Southern style cooking; she deep fries balls of butter for heaven’s sake. In her defense, she says Southern cooking is how you “show love to each other.” Ok fine, just keep that donut hamburger away from me, Paula.

For the Quickfire challenge, Paula Deen judged the chefs’ deep frying skills. The winner would get $5,000. Paula recommended they be creative and not make “fried calamari over a salad.”

Antonia proceeds to make fried shrimp over a salad, because that’s totally different.  Blais makes fried mayonnaise, which I think is a brilliant thing to do when serving Paula Deen. Of course Blais had to dip it in liquid nitrogen first because, you know, he’s Richard Blais. Mike makes a fried chicken “oysters”  dish and serves it in an actual oyster half shell. The sketchy thing about that is Mike totally stole the idea from Blais’ notebook, which Mike snuck a peek at earlier that day. It doesn’t end there! After all is said and done, Antonia would have won the challenge with her rather unoriginal dish, but she didn’t follow the rules and forgot to prepare two plates, one for Paula and one for Padma.  She was disqualified, which left Mike’s stolen chicken oyster dish as the winner. Blais was not happy about that at all. If you didn’t hate Mike before you sure do now.

Chef John Besh is introduced and he presents the contestants with the Elimination Challenge! The challenge is to cater a gala in the GNOF’s honor. The protein must be Gulf seafood, cooked Southern-style. Here’s the other kicker: The chefs have to choose a type of protein held by one of the six returning All-Stars – who would also be their sous chef. Mike picks first because he’s evil, and evil always picks first I guess.

Mike chooses Tiffani F. and gives Blais second choice, which totally makes up for the five grand he stole from him. Blais picks Fabio because they have a bromance going on. Antonia selects Spike, Carla goes with Tre, Dale with Angelo and Tiffany picks the white shrimp, aka Marcel.  With the teams set they devise a plan, go shopping for ingredients and prepare for the next day.

At the fundraiser the judges patrol each of the contestants stations. They liked Antonia’s crab cakes, Blais’ pulled pork and snapper, and Mike’s grits-battered shrimp. They did not like Dale’s amberjack soup, with its undercooked potatoes, or Tiffany’s “why-is-this-sweet?” honey-glazed shrimp. Carla folded under the stress of her own Southern cooking expectations and dished up a grouper that’s all hot sauce and no grouper. It doesn’t help that the queen of Southern cooking, Paula Deen, didn’t like Carla’s collard greens either. The top three and bottom three were well defined before they were called in front of the judges’ table.

The judges, Padma, Tom, Paula Deen, and Chef John Besh, called in Richard, Antonia, and Mike first and they’re told they did an excellent job. Richard wins a trip to Barbados and he said he’s taking Fabio, along with his family, which is pretty adorable. I picture that ending up like the movie Captain Ron with Fabio as the title character. Winning definitely lessens the sting of losing the Quickfire challenge for Blais, and helps support the theory of karma for me.

The bottom three were Dale, Tiffany and Carla. The judges talked about how much their dishes sucked. Paula Deen said Carla’s dish didn’t make sense, which is really harsh coming from Paula, whose creations never make sense. Then Paula said something about sucking on shrimp heads that has already become a viral video. They booted Dale off the show, a total surprise since he owned last week’s challenges.  The only real reason for getting rid of Dale at this point was to shock the remaining chefs and the audience. Carla is having a mental breakdown on TV right now, Tiffany’s dishes have been lackluster for a while, and they still decided to kick off Dale. He says he’s proud of how he did this season and he should be. Richard Blais’ lead is growing larger each week and he’s starting to look a lot like Secretariat.

For another take on this week’s episode, read “The Drama Heats Up” by Zarna Patel.

Season 8, Episode 11 “For the Gulf” (original air date Feb 23, 2011)

Top Chef: All-Stars airs Wednesday 10/9c on Bravo.

Photos courtesy of David Giesbrecht and Bravo.

Oscars 2011 Set-up: Food & Beverage Preview “Food as Art”

It was a gust of wind that did it. The one that blew through the grand staircase of the Kodak Theater, where a hard working crew madly added all manner of finishing touches to the Oscars arrival area. Catching that wind that wafted a sweet and savory breeze from the reception tent beside the red carpet, I knew that I was in for something special.

The Food and Beverage Preview gives the salivating press masses one last look at the confirmed final menu to be served at Sunday night’s Governor’s Ball, the ultimate Oscar after-party. The Reception Tent sparkled with soft lighting, decadent place settings, and a peek at Wolfgang Puck’s horn of plenty (Holy Unplanned Euphemism!). “The Oscars is the greatest celebration in America!” he exclaimed behind a sizzling pan of vegetarian paella. “We are always very excited to do it every year, but are relieved when it’s over!” Relieved, indeed. With over 1500 guests descending on the gala, it takes 1300 staff to handle the throng, including 250 workers alone devoted solely to the kitchen and food service.

Reflecting the varied genres of films nominated this year, 2011′s menu takes a turn for the exotic with rich, striking flavors impacting each dish.  Tray-passed hors d’oeuvres were the most sampled and served tastes of the preview, ranging from bite-sized Kobe beef cheeseburgers, black truffle pizza, and crispy rice with hamachi (all of which were mind-altering).  Asking Puck how he sets forth in creating a new, lush menu every year, he simply tells me, “It’s a lot like how a songwriter will make a new album or a painter will create a new canvas. It’s the same process, which I love so much.” It is a love/hate relationship, then, that dishes so creatively robust as the ones from Puck’s kitchen can only be appreciated for a few seconds, unlike other forms of creative expression. The exotic themes of the food also echo throughout the rest of the ball, where all staff members don carefully designed wardrobes made specifically for the dinner. Orchestra players, band singers, waiters, and Latin band members all have meticulously designed suits and dresses that speak to the theme of the evening.

Handling the beverage portion of the evening is celebrity chef Katie Lee, who has constructed a “Silver Screen Punch” using an inspired blend of fruits and spices mixed with copious amounts of Moet Imperial champagne with vodka, created specifically for the Governor’s Ball. If for some reason the gourmet catering bores you, chances are you won’t remember much of the evening after a few glasses of this potent brew. All told, Ball guests have much to look forward to. Whether an Oscar winner, loser, or attendee, you’re at least guaranteed to walk out of the Governor’s Ball with a satisfied palate and a 24 karat gold-dipped chocolate Oscar, which is the real prize of the evening. Because, let’s face it, you can try eating an actual Academy Award, but chances are you’re not going to get very far.

Picture Gallery

The Beautiful Katie Lee (Food Critic & Blogger) The Beautiful Katie Lee (Food Critic & Blogger)	The Beautiful Katie Lee (Food Critic & Blogger) Yukking It Up w/ Our Writers The Beautiful Katie Lee (Food Critic & Blogger) Yukking It Up w/ Our Writers	Poptimal.com Writer Interviewing Wolfgang Puck Poptimal.com Writer Interviewing Wolfgang Puck
Wolfgang Puck! Wolfgang Puck!	Oscars 2011: What The Cocktail Waitresses Will Be Wearing Oscars 2011: What The Cocktail Waitresses Will Be Wearing	Oscars 2011: What The Waiters Will Be Wearing Oscars 2011: What The Waiters Will Be Wearing
Black Truffle Pizza with Ricotta and Thyme Black Truffle Pizza with Ricotta and Thyme	Reception Station Decor Reception Station Decor	Deserts your favorite celebs will be eating Oscar night Deserts your favorite celebs will be eating Oscar night
A more intimate, flamenco-inspired dinner table A more intimate, flamenco-inspired dinner table	The formal, long tables where no doubt new deals will be struck The formal, long tables where no doubt new deals will be struck	A corner booth set-up of the smaller round table A corner booth set-up of the smaller round table
Oscars 2011: Artist's Conception Of The Ballroom Oscars 2011: Artist's Conception Of The Ballroom	Oscars 2011: Artist's Inspiration For The Ballroom Oscars 2011: Artist's Inspiration For The Ballroom	Yes, those are peacock feathers! Yes, those are peacock feathers!
Swarovski crystal adorns each centerpiece for a truly rich dinner experience. Swarovski crystal adorns each centerpiece for a truly rich dinner experience.	Of Course, A Bit Of The Bubbly For The Celebration! Of Course, A Bit Of The Bubbly For The Celebration!	Poptimal.com's Writers Watching The Construction For The Oscars Poptimal.com's Writers Watching The Construction For The Oscars
Oscars 2011: Red Carpet Construction Oscars 2011: Red Carpet Construction

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