The Real Housewives of Atlanta Review: Reunion, Part 1

Though I can’t say I didn’t enjoy parts of this season’s The Real Housewives of Atlanta in comparison to past seasons, or even other iterations of The Real Housewives series, it was downright snooze-worthy. If it wasn’t for this recap, I might be still sleeping.

“Reunion: Part 1” does little to alter this opinion, as the first eight minutes are consumed with clips of the housewives talking about their bodies and each other’s, of course. NeNe had her boob job and liposuction; Kandi and Cynthia also confirm they’ve gotten lipo in the past in a very open manner. Kim switched her implants from saline to silicone. And Phaedra clears up what a “donkey butt” is all about, though Sheree and Cynthia vehemently deny they have one. Thanks, Andy, for pointing out that by Phaedra’s description, it sort of looks like they do. But now you see what I mean, zzzzzzzzzz!

The ladies all appear relatively demure throughout the episode, but Kim and NeNe’s animosity shows very quickly. If you had any questions of whether these two mended their relationship or even started to like each other even a little, well, you have your answer. No and no. In fact, they have to HATE each other to be so lackadaisical in their responses to Andy’s questions as if they’re beyond caring, and that’s when they weren’t yelling at each other.

THE HOT SEAT

First up is Kim. One viewer wants to know how old she is. She’s 32, and she’s sticking by that. Andy comes to her defense, saying he’s seen her without all that “caked on” make-up, and she looks younger. Someone else has the gaul to ask if Kroy’s the actual baby’s father, while another smartly wonders how far into the pregnancy she kicked her smoking habit.

Then it was on to Cynthia, who Andy comments “seemed more like [she] was walking the plank or walking away” all season. Rehashing Cynthia’s overly dramatic, “will they, won’t they” wedding makes me sad. Still, this is the girl who’s turned down a bazillion engagements, so it should have been on par with any soap opera nuptials. All those harsh clips of mean Peter, stacked one after another, really doesn’t repaint a pretty picture either. Then, things get even more depressing when she admits her mom and sister didn’t even tell her about how they conspired to keep the marriage license from her. She only found out when the episode aired. Now that’s cold. Andy tries to stir something up by forcing NeNe to acknowledge she had a crush on Peter. I don’t know why because this is already evident, but NeNe won’t cop to it anyways.

Next, Andy sets his sights on the biggest belle in Georgia. Sure, I laughed a bit reliving all of Phaedra’s ridiculous and often hypocritical statements or hearing her talk about her favorite delicacy “faux-grois,” but most of her time is spent apologizing for offending anyone after saying that white people only eat canned food and getting into it with NeNe. Though their argument is again pretty trivial and petty, at least it surprised me. They never seemed to like each other, but when did they become such bitter enemies? It starts off with some pictures of Phaedra the Equestrienne. In your face, NeNe! See, Phaedra doesn’t t look that ridiculous riding horses. A viewer wants to know if NeNe knew Phaedra from their small home town or not? Phaedra says yes. There’s only two high schools and three middle schools, Phaedra points out as her central argument. NeNe, on the other hand, says no. They weren’t even in high school at the same time. But like any good debate, Phaedra sees an opportunity and pokes her about being older. To NeNe, the difference is small, and she’s 43 EXACTLY, okay?!

Most days I would stick up for my NeNe, but this season hasn’t been her most flattering. She’s had a hard year, and you can tell from the look on her face and her attitude. Her son was arrested, her husband betrayed her, and she lost a friend in Dwight and Kim…again. NeNe confirms that the divorce is still proceeding, and he’s moving out, but they’ve come to a peaceful place. Everyone brushes over the demise of her friendship with Dwight, who she hasn’t spoken to since that finale episode dance.

From one lost friend to another, it’s pretty easy to segue into Kim’s special time. I have to give a round of applause to the viewer who asks about why Kim needs an assistant if all we see her do is eat, drink and smoke, lest we forget she has a wig line and a music career. She’s also working on a book based on how to gain your own Big Poppa. You don’t have to thank me for the heads up, guys. I know you, like I, are all dying to shell out $9.99 for an instructional guide on how to land our own married man who will cherish us on the sidelines but never leave their wife.  If we’re lucky, he’ll knock up both of us or even turn Big Love and add another. New York Times bestseller, I tell you.

And just like that, the warm-up to the big show was upon us. It was time to discuss the “Sweetie the Slave” incident. Phaedra had a rather eloquent statement about race relationships and lingering tensions in the south that didn’t fit at all into the scheme of the show. NeNe says it’s more about human decency and not a race thing, though she brought up the fact that Big Poppa did call Sweetie a “black bitch” in the past. Why do these juicy stories randomly creep up during the reunion show. Where were the cameras then?! And why was there no throwdown? Kandi was more on my page. If Sweetie’s fine with it, then she could care less, but you better not talk to HER like that. Amen, sister. Kim stood her ground, though, and said that Sweetie knows how much she cares about her and how important she is to her daughters, as well.

Honestly, there was barely an ounce of excitement, fun or laughter on set this week. Some of the housewives may get along, but I don’t think a single one of them are really friends. Cynthia, Sheree and Kandi were fairly mute the entire episode, and I was surprised Sheree didn’t even get any good one-on-one time with Andy. She could have dissed on the “doctor” a little more. I miss that Sheree. Maybe this reunion show is so in need of drama that they’re just saving the semi-lovers’ reunion for next week. The previews hinted we revisit the dreaded, baby mystery and Kandi’s beef with Kim over how she shirked Kandi out of cash royalties. Anything would be more interesting than this.

Season 3, Episode 17: Reunion: Part 1 (originally aired February 13, 2011)

For another take on this episode, check out “Sharks and Cats” by Savannah DuBois

For more on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, click here.

Mondays at 9pm on Bravo.

Photographs courtesy of Wilford and Bravo.

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