The Real Housewives of Atlanta Review: The Long Walk Down the Aisle

We’ve arrived, folks. We managed to watch an entire season of The Real Housewives of Atlanta and leave with most of the hair on our heads intact. How we managed to do this is anybody’s guess, but watching these crazy folks bicker over the insubstantial (while making thousands of dollars an episode) is enough to make you lose a few follicles or tear them out yourself.

When we return to Atlanta, Cynthia is drowning in wedding/monetary woes, and Peter is no where to be found. (This I hate. When you’re on budget, men, then you can pretend to listen. Just say yes to everything the bride wants. When you are in the red, please rub your lady’s back and help a sista out! It’s stressful enough.) Cynthia’s worried about her wedding dress, she can’t even care about the bridesmaids’ dresses, and she can’t afford to pay for her own guests to get their drink on. It’s only a day before the wedding, and she’s already thinking about the possibility of divorce. What’s even sadder is that she and her family spend most of the morning crying about the upcoming nuptials. Her sister and mother both have concerns. Malorie doesn’t think she’s  happy, and mom worries that Peter’s using her financially and is untrustworthy. Throughout it all, Cynthia voices her concern but continually states how she’s in love with Peter.

When Malorie tells Cynthia that Peter forgot the wedding bands and has charged her with buying them last minute, she is so used to the disappointment that she doesn’t even blink an eye. She’s got a handy bottle of champagne anyway. It’s whatever at this point. She pushes forward and has a cute moment with her daughter Noelle, who doesn’t seem as doubtful about having Peter join their small family. On a brighter note, the dress is absolutely ridiculous, platinum silver with a ginormous neck bow and this silvery latex sheen and modeled after a cupcake. But as time passes, Cynthia actually appears calmer…until she realizes she’s totally misplaced the marriage license and finds out she can’t get married without it. Then, RHoA gets all Dallas on us when it’s revealed that mom and sis have it but are contemplating hiding it for good! Seriously, these ladies really don’t like Peter, and sis is still trying to sabotage the wedding. Mom is smart enough to realize that they could never get away with a plan like that since Cynthia would see the footage eventually. Get real people and stop the crazy! They run off and end the game of hide and seek and just let Cynthia win.

At least some friends and Cynthia’s daughter are there to pump her up because mom and sis are not up to the task. They can’t even hide their sad face when she’s walking down the aisle. Of course, there’s a long pause and an entire commercial break before we’re shown that Cynthia doesn’t run.  She said that when she finally saw Peter, she knew she was doing the right thing. She did look beautiful, and Peter looked like he knew he was lucky. I don’t like him any more than I did last week, but it’s hard not to be happy for them. They yelled, they cried and they worried, but they made it.

The other ladies never take too well to sharing the spotlight, so let’s see how their stories wrap up. The ladies watch Miss Lawrence, my favorite side character this season. His “Closet Freak” was more of a circus freak, but after watching Kim butcher the art of performing episode after episode, it’s highly welcomed. Like Cynthia, NeNe’s home life isn’t stress-free either. Bryce shaved his head, a small victory, but still shows no ambition or any inclination to get a job. And Greg also shows his face, offering a glass of wine and an apology. NeNe’s heard “sorry” enough for a lifetime and offers up eye rolls and lip puckers, but in the end, the two part civilly, wanting to be amicable parents to their son and to act mature moving forward. NeNe must have taken a little of that with her to the wedding because she let  Dwight apologize with a lame flower and an “I miss you.” They even took to the dance floor, though he was clearly more into it that she was.

Phaedra finally heads back to the office, and her friend Melanie comes over to babysit. We see a chink in Phaedra’s armor, as she sheds a few tears over leaving her son, and it’s easy to understand. Ayden is such an adorable baby. Sheree’s still acting, but by the acting coaches’ and consultants’ screaming feedback during her audition, she really shouldn’t be.

Kim and Kandi meet up at the studio, where Kandi shares some good news; she’s going on tour with Fantasia. Then, Kandi quickly shifts gears. Apparently, Kim went to some music guy named Focus about “The Ring Didn’t Mean a Thing” monetary issues behind Kandi’s back. Kim says she just wanted to be upfront about money, but they decide that their lawyer and manager would  handle the business end of things. Back at home, Kim gets back to more important matters like busting on NeNe’s boobs and forcing Sweetie to fondle her own.

It’s been a slow building season, but it sure ended with a bang and an “I do!” Kim and NeNe are no longer friends…again. Phaedra and Cynthia made their own distinct impression on the season, though Phaedra faded as the season progressed, and Cynthia turned out to be a sleeper at the end. I missed my Sheree-isms; she just didn’t get enough time! There was a little too much Kandi-Kim touring for my tastes, but overall, it was a fun and frivolous season. And that’s just how I like my housewives.

Where Are The Housewives Now

According to Bravo producers, “With her divorce pending and Greg still in the basement, NeNe dreams of a move to L.A. to get her happy back. Issues with “The Ring Didn’t Mean a Thing” remain unresolved, and the single unreleased. Kandi travels to promote her new album but not by bus. Phaedra balances litigating and diaper changing. She is planning Ayden’s baptism. Dwight is busy planning the party. The producers of the film called, Sheree got the part. She’s still dating but checks credentials first. Kim and NeNe haven’t spoken since Miami. She and Kroy are home hunting to make room for their growing family. A baby is expected in June. Cynthia is learning to separate romance from finance and remains happily married. Peter is opening a small lounge in Atlanta. Cynthia is not investing.”

Quotables

“Lawrence does have vocal ability, where Kim does not, and Lawrence is also a great performer, which Kim is not. So the award goes to….Lawrence!” – NeNe

“They basically think it’s, like, worse than me going out and killing somebody!” – Cynthia, on why no one will stand for a cash bar.

“I think Kroy is a big improvement from Big Papa. He’s tall, he’s not married, and he can go in public with Kim.” – Sheree

“Peter looked great coming down the aisle, and I think NeNe wanted to jump up there with him.” – Kandi

“I had to bring my own bottle of wine to the wedding because…did you really think that Cynthia was going to have good wine when she was crying about the honeymoon?” – Kim

“Oh, I’d put money on the fact that Cynthia and Peter won’t be together in a year.” – Kim

For another opinion on this episode, check out Savannah DuBois’ review here.

Season 3, Episode 16: The Bride and the Doom (originally aired January 30, 2011)

For more on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, click here.

Mondays at 9pm on Bravo.

Photographs courtesy of Bravo TV .

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