Glee Review: Sexual Healing

I’m still reeling from this week’s super-sexified episode of Glee; reeling because parts were pretty hot and others were downright emotional. The fact that three hours worth of storyline seemed to be crammed in 60 measly minutes also made it extremely difficult to digest, and as we’re heading to Regionals next week, it also appeared that New Directions lost some serious rehearsal time by letting Holly Holliday take over the show.

It wasn’t the worst episode or the funniest or the most tear-inducing, but let’s just say it was the most frenetic. The theme was all about the kids understanding their own personal sexy or the adults getting their sexy back, and the idea is titillating in itself with this beautiful and ab-rific cast, but I still wish that “Sexy” had been spread out over two solid episodes. However, before I digress too much, let’s just get into it, and you’ll see what I mean. Brittany and Santana discover some intense revelations about their relationship. Emma and Carl deal with their own marital problems, Will and Holly ignite what could be his hottest romance yet and Burt proves why he’s the best dad ever.

Let’s Talk About Sex

Holly made quite a splash when she arrived in “The Substitute,” and this time, she’s back to sub for the health and wellness class. Yes, folks, not only is Holly fluent in Spanish and song, but she can jazzercise and wax profoundly about the dirty deed. Will is surprisingly ecstatic to see her, and she quickly gets on Emma’s bad side by countering her celibacy ideals. She also becomes the go-to teacher for all the glee kids to lean on for advice. Really, it was all about Holly this week.

Lay Lady Lay

I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the pairing of Brittany and Artie. They’re sugary sweet. I thought I was attached to the Tina-Artie love story but realize I can live without it. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder what happened to Santana, Brittany and their shared lady kisses. Finally, we get some answers and a whole lot more.

Brittany felt the relationship with her best friend was more confusing than breakfast. “Sometimes it’s sweet and sometimes it’s salty. Like, what if I have eggs for dinner? What is it?” And Santana knows that sometimes it’s easier to not feel anything because you’ll never get hurt, but the two turn towards Holly for some guidance. That guidance leads to song. No, it wasn’t an Ani DiFranco song, guys. Sheesh! Get a little more creative. Instead, the two sing a beautiful rendition of “Landslide” which features a lot of Gwyneth Paltrow. Santana and Brittany are both bawling, and then I’m bawling because I realize how hard it must be to be so close with your best friend and also be in love with them and not being comfortable enough in your own skin to share that love.

Afterward, Santana takes a huge step and finally admits to loving and wanting to be with Brittany. She attributes her bitchiness to pent up anger to not being able to express those feelings and being afraid of what everyone will think. Sadly, Brittany doesn’t exactly return her feelings. She loves Santana too but also loves Artie and doesn’t want to break up with him. Maybe one day, though? Naya Rivera is definitely the queen of mean on Glee, but I loved to see some chinks in that armor and a deeper side of her character.

Like A Virgin

Sex just made things messy for Carl and Emma, who appeared to have the perfect, fun and chemistry-filled relationship prior to marriage. Unfortunately, ever since those “I Dos,” Carl has been unable to romance his way into his lady’s bed. At least, there’s a lot of cuddling and The Real Housewives of Atlanta to watch, but c’mon, that’s kind of funny but also just plain weird! “Girlfriend! What is up with that? He’s hot, and you’re 30.” It seems right to have Emma be the advisor for the Celibacy Club, but she was actually a tried and true member, afraid of the “hose monster.” Emma’s extremely quirky, but this is abnormal. Still, it must make all the diehard Emma-Will shippers very happy.

First, Emma, Carl and the Celibacy Club did a horribly-cheesy-it-is-so-right rendition of “Afternoon Delight,” but when her husband realized that she truly did believe the song was not about “nooners” but about midday, delicious desserts, he beckons Holly over to help them out. She sits the two down and explicitly asks if the problem may be that Emma still has feelings for Will. Carl always wanted to ask but never had the courage, and Emma admits she’s confused, which runs Carl right off. I wouldn’t stick around either if the person I’d just spontaneously married confessed that the ex is getting in the way of the sex. So Emma’s life has been totally turned upside down, but at least Holly will keep her secret. “My lips are sealed, just like your legs.” But will they get a divorce pronto? And can Carl refrain from punching his ex-nemesis Will in the face?

Let’s Get It On

Emma looks to have serious competition, since Will has gone gaga over Holly. She had him from the moment she started gyrating her way through “Don’t You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah).” She may have been “trying” to teach the glee kids about the dangers of sex, but she also could have been working the room if she had a pole. You knew even though Will silently held up that “Too Much?” piece of paper, he didn’t want that number to ever end.

And Holly doesn’t just save the relationship between Santana and Brittany, who also believed she was pregnant at the opening of the show because she believed a stork landed on her house and was building a nest for her impending baby, but Holly also saves Lauren and Puck from making a sex tape. Lauren wanted to be famous. “I want to be like a Kardashian. I want a TV show and a fragrance. It’ll be called Zizes, and the slogan’ll be, ‘You Got Ziced.” And Puck wanted to do some motorboating. So Holly steps in to prevent them from intentionally making child porn. Like a chain effect, the scare even sends Puck to the Celibacy Club for fear of slipping down the steep slope back to juvie.

Luckily, she also got to help herself before the episode was through. Will and Holly dance a steamy tango, along with a not so steamy rendition of “Kiss.” Let’s just say lots of talented singers do not sound good in falsetto for longer than 4 bars. Still, the connection is evident, and the two kiss. Holly backs away and tells it straight. Will thinks he can handle her, but he’s dated a virgin and married his high school sweetheart. (I also love how Brad is just hanging out in the background this whole time.) “You don’t want any of this. I’m damaged goods. Yes, that makes me terrific in bed, but it also means I tend to break nice guys like you into Wasa crackers.” But in the end, all her help paves the way to Holly realizing that she’s open to a romance, not just a fling, with Will. He, of course, can’t say no. Instead, he dips her rather romantically (as promised), and they kiss again. What this means for Wemma is anyone’s question, but I’m all for Will playing the field a bit before settling down again. Hell, bring back Shelby and that baby while we’re at it.

Do Ya Think I’m Sexy

When Sue clues her other competition into the fact that New Directions is focusing on “sexy” this week, Blaine calls an emergency meeting to test the Warblers’ sexual song prowess. While the group definitely holds up with “Animal,” Kurt pulls out his sexy cat moves which look more like “passing gas” moves. Kurt’s sexiness is a soft-spot for him since he hasn’t had experience with guys. He doesn’t believe he can be sultry since he doesn’t know what that really looks like. Lately, his short fuse can sometimes annoy me, but here it’s understandable. Not only does he feel out of place, but the guy he’s crushing on is throwing that fact in his face. Utterly embarrassing. Get out, Blaine!

Blaine may have said the wrong things or pushed too hard with his sexy tutorial, but he makes up for it when he goes to Burt and urges him to candidly speak about sex with his son. Blaine’s father wasn’t as open and accepting as Burt. “I think it’d be cool if you took advantage of that.” And Burt does. He sits Kurt down, gives him some pamphlets and gives the speech. You know the one I’m talking about. Glee plays light and loose with serious topics for an entire episode, and then, in one monologue, someone makes sure the positive message is included. Sex is about vulnerability not awesome but fleeting pleasure. It can affect your heart and your self esteem, but this one feels earnest. Burt makes sure Kurt knows that he’s available for an honest conversation. It is awkward to watch, but it’s an awkward topic between a parent and child. Still, we all survive it, and when it’s done right, it can be some of the best advice you’ll ever get in life. Who wouldn’t tear up when Burt says, “Don’t throw yourself around like you don’t matter; cause you matter, Kurt.”

Turn Off the Lights

So give it to me. Did this episode rub you the right way? Too raunchy or not racy enough? Did you miss the absent Finn and barely there Rachel? And did you feel like you got a little bit of story overload? Sound off below!

The Songs

“Don’t You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah)” by Joan Jett
Sung by Gwenyth Paltrow (Holly) feat. New Directions (mostly Santana and Brittany’s moves)
Grade: B

“Animal” by Neon Trees
Sung by Darren Criss, Chris Colfer and the Warblers
Grade: A-

“Kiss” by Prince
Sung by Matthew Morrison and Gwenyth Paltrow
Grade: B-

“Afternoon Delight”by Starland Vocal Band
Sung by Mark Salling, Lia Michele, Jayma Mays, Dianna Agron and John Stamos
Grade: B

“Landslide”by Fleetwood Mac
Sung by Gwenyth Paltrow, Naya Rivera and Heather Morris
Grade: B+

Memorable Moments

• Rachel and Quinn, originally, being the sole members of the Celibacy club, both having been driven there by Finn. Though, Quinn isn’t as steadfast as Rachel and ultimately can’t stay away.
• “I really hope [sexy is] not one of the requirements for Regionals, because with Berry and those tights, we don’t stand a chance.” – Santana
• “So just remember, whenever you have sex with someone, you’re having sex with everyone they’ve ever had sex with. And everybody’s got a random.” – Holly
• “Just picking up some coffee. I like my enemas piping hot.” – Sue
• “My sex tape with J.D. Salinger was a disaster.” – Holly
• “Who knows? I’m attracted to girls, and I’m attracted to guys. I made out with a mannequin. I even had a sex dream about a shrub that was just the shape of a person.” – Santana
• “Once on a dare, I swallowed a thumbtack. And I’m 90% sure it’s still there.” – Puck
• “The key is to use the curling iron in the bathtub to keep yourself from getting burnt.” – Brittany
• “I’ve tried watching those movies, but I just get horribly depressed, and I think about how they were all kids once. And how they all have mothers? And, God, what would their mothers think? And why would you get a tattoo there?!” – Kurt
• “A nooner is when you have dessert in the middle of the day, right? Right, Carl?!” – Emma
• Really Emma? How can you not notice that “Afternoon Delight” is not about midday romps. “Rubbin’ sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite/And the thought of rubbin’ you is getting so exciting.”

For another opinion on this episode, check out Holly is My Holiday by Alana D.

Season 2, Episode 15: Sexy (originally aired March 8, 2011)

Tuesdays at 8pm on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDb Pro.

Read more Glee here.