Gossip Girl Review: Bring Back the Jail Time, Drama, and Incestuous Dating
I can’t believe Gossip Girl is finally back. It’s a good thing they did the whole “here’s what happened last time” thing because I would have been clueless. I even forgot we ended on the Dan and Blair kiss.
So let’s start there.
Blair (Leighton Meester) languishes in bed, apparently refusing to move until she figures out what she wants after her life-changing kiss with Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgley). She’s finally rousted from under the covers when Epperly (remember her? She conveniently back from Bali, I guess) calls and asks her to assist on a photo shoot for those considered new royalty. Which (also conveniently) includes most of our cast. If it doesn’t include those poor Brooklynites, well, the writers will find a way to get the entire cast into one room at least once an episode. Admirable, really. How many social functions really take place in high society? Those people must be exhausted.
Dan decides to confide in Eric about his kiss with Blair, and that he’s been thinking about it ever since. Eric (Connor Paolo) correctly deduces that Dan didn’t just kiss Blair, he likes her, but neither of them is exactly sure what he should do about it.
On the Upper East Side, Lily (Kelly Rutherford) awaits the news about how long of a prison sentence she’ll be serving for stealing 3 years of an innocent man’s life. Her mother is in town, and so is her ex-husband. As if that’s not enough drama for one room, Cece (Caroline Lagerfelt) has also invited Lily’s sister Carol (Sheila Kelley). Have we met her previously? I can’t recall, but I think I would remember those acting skills, because they are pretty stinking bad.
Lily’s sister has always been independent, always gone out of her way to avoid the limelight, and high society, and basically everything Lily and her mother hold sacred. She’s taught her 18-year-old daughter to despise her aunt, her cousins, and everything about their world.
The only problem is that Charlotte, or Charlie, is curious about what she’s been missing out on – a curiosity Serena is only too happy to satisfy with a giant shopping trip. Charlie (Kaylee DeFer) feels bad when her mother busts her out with the bad influence Serena (which is so true, right?), but the guilt trip doesn’t last as Serena (Blake Lively) spills the beans about her too-good-for-money mother taking a monthly payment from Cece. Oops.
The kiss, as it turns out, meant nothing to Blair. It altered her life by making her realize that she never wants to kiss anyone but Chuck (Ed Westwick), and is ready to tell him they can build their lives and legacies together. Chuck has been missing her as well, which is why he put Epperly up to hiring her in the first place. Epperly reports back when Blair mentions this interesting kiss, and it doesn’t take long for Chuck to finger Dan for the kissing culprit. In order to put Dan in his place (like that ever works) Chuck has him invited to the photo shoot for the elite of America. Dan assumes it’s some sort of ploy on Blair’s part, but they are both stunned and dismayed to learn that Chuck is behind the whole thing.
Once again, we do not get the Chuck and Blair happy ending we all deserve, because Chuck is acting like an infant instead of the confident man he’s grown to be. It’s like they all took about fifteen steps back over the break, except for Blair, who is oddly composed and focused.
Vanessa (who’s there as a camera assistant, lol) overhears Dan and Blair talking, and later calls Serena to tell her they’ve been dating secretly. I have no idea why Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) would do this. Perhaps she’s suffering from multiple personality disorders now. Apparently the kiss is supposed to blow up into something but, but I doubt it will since nothing happened and according to Blair, nothing is going to. Dan seems to have moved on already, chatting up Charlie at the end of the night. I’m not sure but I still think that’s incestuous in some way. Also that it will piss off Serena.
We were really supposed to care about the family drama with Lily and her sister, Rufus (Matthew Settle) and William (William Baldwin), etc but I just can’t bring myself to care. Nate (Chace Crawford) gets about five minutes of screen time with Raina (Tika Sumpter) as they discuss trying to find out what really happened to her mother. Cousin Charlie will be sticking around, and personally, I’m hoping she’s a secret psychotic who murders Vanessa in her sleep. Anyone else?
Season 4, Episode 18 “The Kids Stay in the Picture” (original air date April 18, 2011)
Gossip Girl airs Mondays at 9/8c on the CW.
Photographs courtesy of The CW and Giovanni Rufino.