Rio Review: Follow this Bird to Paradise

It’s not hard to make a children’s movie, in fact it’s pretty formulaic. You start off with some bright colors and silly sounding characters that are always good for a laugh; paste on some loud noises and add in a couple of fart jokes to complete the mix and voila, there you go. Your own personal Adam Sandler movie. Suffice it is to say that bad movies are a dime a dozen, for every King’s Speech you have seven or more Grown-Ups, just check your local bargain bin. So finding a movie that is clever and fun, entertaining for both parents and kids, with a great story and an indisputable flavor is like hitting the lottery, except for that whole new mansion thing. And this weekend, with the opening of the new animated film Rio, theatergoers have a chance to get lucky, cinematically speaking, and share in a cultural experience that is sure to satisfy.

Rio tells the story about Tyler Blu Gunderson, better known as Blu (voiced by Jesse Eisenberg), a young Blue Macaw born in the lovely and lively Rio de Janerio; a place of life and happiness where all the birds sing because they were lucky enough to be born in Rio. And before young Blu has the chance to learn how to sing or even fly, he finds himself packed off in a crate and shipped to the cold and snowy state of Minnesota, USA. A series of circumstances leads Blu to being under the care his human companion Linda (young: Sofia Scarpa Saldanha/Leslie Mann). Their world is perfect until the arrival of Tulio (Rodrigo Santoro), an ornithologist, who tells them that Blu is the last of a dying species and is needed in Rio de Janerio to repopulate little blue macaws. Reluctantly Linda and Blu make their way to Rio, where Blu meets his potential mate, Jewel (Anne Hathaway), who’s as wild as Blu is domesticated. And as Blu wonders how he’s supposed to connect with the bird of his dreams, the two are let loose in lively Rio where a housebroken macaw must learn how to survive on his own and capture the love of his life.

Rio is an extraordinary film about discovering who you are and finding your way back home again. With spirited characters, great animation, and an excellent performance from the voice cast, Rio is a marvelous example of how the many working parts collaborate to create a whole that is near perfection. Every single voice character without exception brought their all to this movie and it really shows through great performances one after another. Eisenberg, Hathaway, and Mann all do wonderfully as anchors of this film. There is an aspect of Eisenberg’s voice that makes him particularly suited for animated film; it’s the quirkiness I suppose. His quirkiness is well met in this role by Hathaway’s no nonsense demeanor. Other cast includes Will.i.am and Jamie Foxx as streetwise birds Pedro and Nico. George Lopez as Rafael a henpecked father bird, and Tracy Morgan as Luiz, a can-do-it-all pitbull. Carlos Ponce takes the role of head villain Marcel, a bird smuggler.

And lastly, let’s not forget the lovely Rio; as active a character as any other in this film, where Rio really stands out is its attention to and celebration of its host city that results in an undeniable spirit that is hard to shake. As we follow the adventures of Blu and Jewel as they are traversing through the streets and jungles of Rio, the audience is lead in the celebration of the city and its preparations for Carnival. Everything from the music to the characters and the costumes compels the audience to join along, but of these three I would have to say the music makes the greatest impact for this. From the very beginning the music of Rio has a certain feel to it; a playful and joyful vibe that’s infectious. You’ll find yourself dancing in your seat before the movie is over. Well chosen and performed, the music serves to greater enhance the story and works brilliantly as such. Here I have to give a shout out to Jamie Foxx and every person who signed off on Jamie in this movie; two of my three favorite songs from this film are sung by him. “Fly Love” and “Hot Wings,” (with Will.i.am,) two very different songs that he just worked his magic on.

Sweet and endearing, Rio is an excellent feature film written and directed by Carlos Saldanha with Don Rhymer as screenwriter. With music by John Powel (you the man!), Rio dances its way into your heart and doesn’t easily let go. Rio is a great movie for families and friends alike. See it.

Images courtesy of IMDb Pro and 20th Century Fox.

Gossip Girl Review: Bring Back the Jail Time, Drama, and Incestuous Dating

I can’t believe Gossip Girl is finally back. It’s a good thing they did the whole “here’s what happened last time” thing because I would have been clueless. I even forgot we ended on the Dan and Blair kiss.

So let’s start there.

Blair (Leighton Meester) languishes in bed, apparently refusing to move until she figures out what she wants after her life-changing kiss with Dan Humphrey (Penn Badgley). She’s finally rousted from under the covers when Epperly (remember her? She conveniently back from Bali, I guess) calls and asks her to assist on a photo shoot for those considered new royalty. Which (also conveniently) includes most of our cast. If it doesn’t include those poor Brooklynites, well, the writers will find a way to get the entire cast into one room at least once an episode. Admirable, really. How many social functions really take place in high society? Those people must be exhausted.

Dan decides to confide in Eric about his kiss with Blair, and that he’s been thinking about it ever since. Eric (Connor Paolo) correctly deduces that Dan didn’t just kiss Blair, he likes her, but neither of them is exactly sure what he should do about it.

On the Upper East Side, Lily (Kelly Rutherford) awaits the news about how long of a prison sentence she’ll be serving for stealing 3 years of an innocent man’s life. Her mother is in town, and so is her ex-husband. As if that’s not enough drama for one room, Cece (Caroline Lagerfelt) has also invited Lily’s sister Carol (Sheila Kelley). Have we met her previously? I can’t recall, but I think I would remember those acting skills, because they are pretty stinking bad.

Lily’s sister has always been independent, always gone out of her way to avoid the limelight, and high society, and basically everything Lily and her mother hold sacred. She’s taught her 18-year-old daughter to despise her aunt, her cousins, and everything about their world.

The only problem is that Charlotte, or Charlie, is curious about what she’s been missing out on – a curiosity Serena is only too happy to satisfy with a giant shopping trip. Charlie (Kaylee DeFer) feels bad when her mother busts her out with the bad influence Serena (which is so true, right?), but the guilt trip doesn’t last as Serena (Blake Lively) spills the beans about her too-good-for-money mother taking a monthly payment from Cece. Oops.

The kiss, as it turns out, meant nothing to Blair. It altered her life by making her realize that she never wants to kiss anyone but Chuck (Ed Westwick), and is ready to tell him they can build their lives and legacies together. Chuck has been missing her as well, which is why he put Epperly up to hiring her in the first place. Epperly reports back when Blair mentions this interesting kiss, and it doesn’t take long for Chuck to finger Dan for the kissing culprit. In order to put Dan in his place (like that ever works) Chuck has him invited to the photo shoot for the elite of America. Dan assumes it’s some sort of ploy on Blair’s part, but they are both stunned and dismayed to learn that Chuck is behind the whole thing.

Once again, we do not get the Chuck and Blair happy ending we all deserve, because Chuck is acting like an infant instead of the confident man he’s grown to be. It’s like they all took about fifteen steps back over the break, except for Blair, who is oddly composed and focused.

Vanessa (who’s there as a camera assistant, lol) overhears Dan and Blair talking, and later calls Serena to tell her they’ve been dating secretly. I have no idea why Vanessa (Jessica Szohr) would do this. Perhaps she’s suffering from multiple personality disorders now. Apparently the kiss is supposed to blow up into something but, but I doubt it will since nothing happened and according to Blair, nothing is going to. Dan seems to have moved on already, chatting up Charlie at the end of the night. I’m not sure but I still think that’s incestuous in some way. Also that it will piss off Serena.

We were really supposed to care about the family drama with Lily and her sister, Rufus (Matthew Settle) and William (William Baldwin), etc but I just can’t bring myself to care. Nate (Chace Crawford) gets about five minutes of screen time with Raina (Tika Sumpter) as they discuss trying to find out what really happened to her mother. Cousin Charlie will be sticking around, and personally, I’m hoping she’s a secret psychotic who murders Vanessa in her sleep. Anyone else?

XOXO

Season 4, Episode 18 “The Kids Stay in the Picture” (original air date April 18, 2011)

Gossip Girl airs Mondays at 9/8c on the CW.

Photographs courtesy of The CW and Giovanni Rufino.

Fringe Review: Inside Olivia’s Hostile Mind

It’s taken me a while to write up a recap of this week’s Fringe because honestly, my jury is still out, and maybe not for the reasons you think.

Yes, the episode felt strange, was a departure from what’s “normal” even for this show. It mirrored last year’s smash hit film Inception, and I think if you haven’t seen that you must have been completely confused at the sequences inside Olivia’s mind. For those of us who have seen Inception (and I think the writers of Fringe were counting on the fact most of us have), Friday night’s Fringe was entertaining, fascinating, and brave even though they made some odd style choices along the way.

Back to the beginning.

Olivia (Anna Torv) is still repressed in her own mind so that William Bell’s consciousness can remain living while they search for a suitable host. Her body seizes at the outset of the night, and Bell finally admits he may have miscalculated. Bell (Leonard Nimoy) thought he would have longer before Olivia disappeared forever inside her own mind, but now he believes they have less than 24 hours before they lose her for good. Peter (Joshua Jackson) and Broyles (Lance Reddick) make it clear they want Olivia, even if that means they lose Bell forever.

Bell and Walter (John Noble) put their heads together and come up with a plan that (of course) involves LSD. Peter and Walter will use the drug and electricity to enter Olivia’s mind, find her, and bring her back to the surface. In the meantime, Astrid (Jasika Nicole) will be working on a program that will allow Bell’s consciousness to enter a nearby computer.

This is where things go Inception on us. Peter and Walter drop into the landscape of Olivia’s brain, which is full of hostile projections trying to hunt them down and stop them from finding her. They discover Bell (who, for some reason is a cartoon) and soon after Peter and Walter turn into cartoons as well.* Bell tells them it’s worse than he thought, that Olivia should have been safe inside her brain while he cohabitated, but he picked the wrong person. Olivia has never felt safe anywhere, and her brain will fight their attempts to find her and bring her out.

Peter, of course, is the hero of the day and knows exactly where to find the woman he loves.

In the lab, Astrid completes her assignment and deals with a hilarious and stoned Broyles, who accidentally ingested some LSD. Walter and Peter are both knocked out of Olivia’s mind before they’re able to bring her out, so it’s up to Bell.  I was pretty worried, and curious whether or not he would choose himself or Olivia to survive the day.

He chose to save Olivia, and the transfer to the computer fails, which Bell knew would be the case all along. When I sat and thought about it, Bell considered Olivia his greatest accomplishment, so it follows that saving her meant more to him than saving himself.

The episode encompassed nothing other than saving Olivia, and it left me feeling like we missed out on something. It didn’t move the larger story arc forward in any meaningful way, not even in personal relationships, and it seemed to be more of an indulgence than anything else. We’ve seen what these writers are capable of, and they could have created an episode that both brought Olivia out and connected to and propelled the rest of the series in some way. Instead they chose to play around.

*The cartoon segments had no explanation and no purpose, like the creators of the show just felt like drawing cartoon people to have something fun and new to do, so they put them in. Another indulgence.

The last five seconds of Fringe have become legendary the past several episodes, and this week’s turned out to be no exception. There was a man in her mind that sabotaged Peter’s attempt to save Olivia, but Olivia claims to have no knowledge of who he is…until she turns to Peter at the end of the episode and says, very calmly, “I think he’s the man who’s going to kill me.”

Boom.

Tune in next week…

Season 3, Episode 19 “Lysergic Acid Diethylamide” (original air date April 15, 2011)

Fringe airs Friday nights at 9/8c on Fox.

Photos Courtesy of Liane Hentscher and FOX

The Voice Interview with Christina Aguilera and Mark Burnett: Blind Faith

Ever since American Idol reintroduced the talent show to popular culture nearly a decade ago, the market has become more and more saturated with copycat knockoffs attempting to capture the same glory as the ratings juggernaut. Even Idol’s own network FOX is launching a new singing competition series, The X Factor, another British import from former Idol drone Simon Cowell, this fall. All these glorified karaoke contests boast variations on the same theme: to find the music industry’s next superstar. However, NBC’s answer to Idol is marketing itself by claiming to focus more on the singing than its image-concerned counterparts do. The Voice is a new reality competition series with an arguably similar goal as Idol, but with a simplified approach that involves more personal involvement between the contestants and judges.

“F*** You” singer and Gnarls Barkley vocalist Cee Lo Green, country star Blake Shelton, Maroon 5’s Adam Levine, and vocal diva Christina Aguilera will join forces to work with The Voice’s singing hopefuls on both one-on-one and group levels before eventually, with viewers’ help, whittling the finalists down to one winner, and one voice. Aguilera was recently on hand to discuss her excitement for the show, and how her Voice coaching position has helped her cope with a difficult year, both personally and professionally.

“What I love about this show is that it’s all based on positivity. We’re not trying to tear anybody down for a TV moment,” Aguilera said. “This is all about bringing up amazing talent because each and every person that gets up on that stage can sing and has a voice.”

The Voice illustrates its singular mission to focus on a contestant’s singing talent above all else by having them initially submit to a blind audition with the four coaches. The contestant will sing a song of their choice while the coaches simply listen with their backs turned to the stage, unable to see the singer. This unconventional method is designed to prevent any distraction that superfluous factors like appearance could create, thwarting the coaches’ judgment. If the coaches like what they hear, they can swivel their chair around to face the singer, indicating their desire to work with them throughout the competition. Each coach will form a “team” of eight singers before narrowing them down to groups of four through a series of “battle” duets, and then allow viewers’ votes to determine the final four contestants, one from each team. Finally, one singer will eventually be crowned the winning voice, and the coach who mentored the winner will also be recognized.

Aside from the innovation of the overall structure, the blind auditions are surely a curious element to The Voice that offers a new way for a TV judging panel to formulate their criticism and support of the contestants’ talent. Both Aguilera and executive producer Mark Burnett alluded to the entertainment created when more than one coach expresses interest in the same singer. In this case, they teased, control is given to the contestant, for perhaps the first time on a show of this nature.

“If more than one coach turns around, the power shifts then to the singer and it’s the coaches who are pitching each other why that singer would be better served by this coach,” Burnett said, adding, “And it gets very, very funny.”

“We definitely fight for certain contestants,” Aguilera agreed. “If both of us turn our chair around at the same time, then we become on the hot seat. [There’s] been some pretty heated debates as to who finally gets the person on their team. And they’re allowed to ask us questions as to what we can do for them, and it gets pretty heated.”

“Christina said she thought that Adam Levine was actually going to run for President, he was campaigning so hard for some people,” Burnett joked.

Aguilera explained why she found it so intriguing and important to be involved with a singing competition that practices such stringent focus on pure vocal ability, and carries out that notion through its formula.

“I think what’s great about this show is the fact that we take it back to real music and we take it back to a time before there was any such thing as, say, an MTV or any way to show an artist through video or through Internet or through packaging,” Aguilera said. “You know, it’s definitely about going back to old music where you wanted to buy it or you wanted to listen to it on the radio purely from just what sounds good on your ears … something that moves you.”

Aguilera talked about her own rise through the ranks of the music industry in a post-MTV era, in which her image and marketability mattered in spite of having one of the most impressive voices of her generation. What drew her to The Voice, she said, is the opportunity to use her experiences to help upcoming singers in ways she never had access to.

“I wish there was a show like this for me, or a mentor that I could’ve had starting out in the business, [who] would have told me these stories, because we get very close to these people,” Aguilera said. “You know, we share a very intimate time together, and it’s an opportunity to relate to each other on a level that we would never get in real life otherwise, away from this television show.”

When asked about the recent media frenzy concerning her mishaps both on and off stage in the past few months, Aguilera was refreshingly forthcoming and honest about her plan to move past what she refers to as a “life uprooting time.” Whether it be a way to cope with her current divorce or deal with the embarrassment of flubbing the national anthem at the Super Bowl, Aguilera is grateful for her experience on The Voice to provide a fresh start for her personal life and celebrate a new branch of her career.

“You know what? I honestly think that there’s a time and a place and a reason why everything happens, and, lo and behold, the show gets sort of placed in my lap, I’m asked to do it. I think it’s the perfect time in my life because, in light of the past year there’s been, you know, obvious setbacks,” she began.

“I get to share these experiences with these [contestants] to say, you know, not every performance day is going to be a great day. Sometimes you could be having the worst day in your life, and you have to get up on that stage and you have to give to your fans in a way that they would never know the difference,” Aguilera continued.

“If you make a mistake and if you make a flaw, you know what, you’re human and you’re going to catch flak for it, and that’s just the way it is,” Aguilera said. “The best thing at the end of the day is that you can prove to not only everyone else but yourself, most importantly, that you’re strong enough to get back up on that stage and be fearless and courageous enough to try again and know within yourself that it will be better.”

According to Burnett, Aguilera brings her headstrong attitude to set, and it helps rein in the unruly behavior of her fellow coaches.

“I would say for me, Christina is the voice of reason,” Burnett said. “We have three very irreverent, naughty boys who are all coaches. And thank God for Christina, always bringing it back to the business and what’s going on. And she is absolutely the rock and the voice of reason.”

Aguilera couldn’t argue with that, laughing, “The guys have been really fun. They really have. But I think that I have to bring a prop to set or something to keep these boys in line, because they need a few slaps on the hands a couple of times,” she said. “I almost feel like the schoolteacher within a classroom of naughty boys sometimes. But they’re fun. They’re actually really hilarious so they keep me laughing a lot.”

All joking aside, Aguilera discussed how her solidarity with her fellow coaches hopefully helps make The Voice a compelling addition to the singing competition oeuvre.

“You have four judges/coaches up there, me, Adam, Cee Lo and Blake, who have all been in the performance part of being on a stage – having our setbacks, having our successes, going through it all, going through the motions, you know, getting our record deal, having to fight for it. I mean, we all came from a place of just starting with a dream and then accomplishing it eventually,” Aguilera said, adding a piece of advice that pertains not only to the contestants, but to both herself and her colleagues as well.

“That’s just the nature of the business, you know. And it’s important that you stay grounded and that you focus on why it is that you get into it in the first place; understand and recognize and appreciate your love for it and just sing your heart out.”

Don’t miss the series premiere of The Voice, Tuesday, April 26 at 9/8c on NBC.

For more television reviews and interviews, click here.

Images courtesy of Michael Desmond, Matthew Rolston, Lewis Jacobs, and NBC.

Smallville Review: The End is Near

It’s finally happening. The last ever batch of new Smallville episodes have begun airing and emotions are running high! On one hand I’m sad to see a series go that has been a mainstay for more than one third of my life. But on the other hand I am so excited to see how it all plays out and finally see Tom Welling as Clark don the Superman suit and take to the skies in flight. I mean just one look at this promo for the two hour finale really gets my geeky innards in a frenzy!

But we have a few weeks before we can get truly amped up for that so let’s focus on this week’s episode, “Kent.” Earlier in the season, we got the chance to visit an alternate reality where Clark was raised by Lionel Luthor instead of John and Martha Kent and turned out to be a real asshole. Clark Luthor and Clark Kent swapped places briefly but luckily, our good Clark was able to send bad Clark back to the alternate world but not before Lionel escaped through the portal and has been living in the real world of the series ever since.

Well, this week’s episode showed Clark Luthor showing up in the real world wanting to kill Lionel. But first he gets Clark Kent out of the way by sending him to the alternate world and then smashing the mirror box that allows for travel between the two universes. Clark Luthor then pays visits to both Lois (Erica Durance) and Tess (Cassidy Freedman) who are not fooled by his attempts to act like regular Clark. His biggest need is with Tess who can get him access to the technology tracking Lionel’s every move. But instead of asking her for it or flat out forcing her to give the info up, he attempts to woo her in the creepiest fashion by buying her a nice dress, taking her to dinner, and talking really close. Its incredibly uncomfortable but you can see Tess kinda digs it in a weird kind of way.

Meanwhile, Clark Kent is having the opposite of fun in the alternate world where everyone thinks he killed Oliver Queen and carries around a chunk of kryptonite knowing that its his weakness. Not knowing where to turn, Clark looks for help from Jonathan Kent (John Schneider), who in this world is a broken man with no farm or Martha to give him purpose. Clark finds him in the abandoned farm house where Jonathan initially attacks him with a bat and some kryptonite before tying him up for the police in hopes of scoring some reward money. He seems like a man beyond help but Clark speaks to him in a way that begins to turn things around. He tells him about the real world Jonathan Kent who raised him to be everything he is today and how anyone can get back on the horse to control their destiny.

I must say it was a touching scene between the two actors that brought back memories of a lot of scenes like this before Jonathan died back in Season five. The moment when Clark puts his hand on Jonathan’s shoulder in particular felt very fatherly and made everything come full circle in a way. As Marlon Brando’s Jor-El put it in the original Superman film, “the son becomes the father, and the father, the son.” It was a brilliantly rendered moment for the Superman mythology and I really treasured it. For a second I even wondered if Clark would bring this alternate world Jonathan to the real world to be with Martha again, but just about then Clark is yanked back to the real world thanks to Lois and Dr. Hamilton (Alessandro Juliani) who was able to fix the mirror box.

With his return to the real world Clark is able to make quick work of saving Tess from Clark Luthor and then taking the fight to the Fortress where Clark Kent tries to explain to Clark Luthor that there is some good in him just waiting to be unleashed by a strong mentor. Clark then has Jor-El transport Clark Luthor back to his own reality but now with the guidance of Jor-El and the fortress to help him right his wrongs. Gee golly willackers! Everything just turned out so perfect.

With the reality swapping behind them Clark and Lois are able to sit down and make a big decision regarding their future. As an early wedding gift, Clark’s mom gave them the deed to the farm in their names and after a lot of soul-searching and considering whether memories vanish without tangible items, they decide to sell it and move into an apartment in Metropolis. I guess this is just another step on Clark’s transition into the man we all know and love. I just hope Martha Kent has a place to go to when she eventually retires from the Senate!

The episode ends on a bright note as we get one last glimpse of Jonathan Kent in the alternate universe walking up to a doorway and ringing a bell. It is labeled Martha Kent. With those two together, everything truly might be right in the world.

That’s it for this week but keep watching the final five episodes! One down, only four to go.

Smallville Season 10, Episode 17: “Kent” (originally aired April 15, 2011)

Smallville airs Fridays at 8/7c on The CW.

Images courtesy of Jack Rowand/The CW.

Supernatural Review: Fate’s a B**ch and Then You Die

After a brief hiatus, Supernatural returns with our favorite duo of demon hunting, ass kicking brothers Sam (Jared Padalecki) and Dean (Jensen Ackles) Winchester. In this episode they learn that there is a reason for all those clichéd sayings involving fate. You know what I’m talking about, you can’t outrun fate, tempting fate, fate strikes when you least expect it, etc.

The brothers get to know one of the three fates from Greek mythology when mysterious deaths start happening all around the country. After leaving a very angry Bobby (Jim Beaver), who is still unwilling to deal with the death of Rufus, the boys head up to Pennsylvania to investigate a string of strange, accidental deaths involving three people in the same family. Suddenly though another woman with no connection to the others is killed when her scarf is pulled into a copier machine and she is strangled to death.

The first inkling of real strangeness happens though when Ellen appears with groceries at Bobby’s house after Sam and Dean leave. In the quick recap before the episode started, there was a flashback to last season when Ellen and Jo died while setting a massive explosion to take down hellhounds. So now we know why, this episode is an alternate reality.

We soon find out it is because Balthazar went back in time and prevented the Titanic from sinking, thus causing a huge domino affect and in this timeline – Ellen and Jo are alive with Ellen being married to Bobby. Admittedly this is a much happier seemingly reality all things considered.

But things aren’t what they seem to be. The librarian looking blonde Fate attempts to kill Sam and Dean by gas explosion but Cas saves them in the knick of time, bringing them to White Russia. White Russia is yet another indicator of how history was altered, where the people of Belarus were suppose to rise against Russia for occupying their land. Cas explains to the brothers that Fate is gunning for them because they stopped apocalypse, essentially ruining her life. The angel though says that the only solution is to kill Fate. Apparently Balthazar has a weapon for that very job. Of course he does!

Sam and Dean are then used as bait to bring Fate out into the open. The boys walk around extremely paranoid as any little thing could kill them. Even a regular street becomes a stroll through a gauntlet. Just then as a large air conditioning unit is about to pancake the brothers to the ground, time stops and Cas and Atropos have a little chat.

The three Fates are Clotho (who spins the thread of life), Lachesis (who decides how long the thread is), and Atropos (who cuts the thread and arranges how one dies).

Atropos is seething with rage at Cas for throwing out the book once he and the Winchesters stopped the apocalypse from happening. She declares how God had given her a job to do and now everything is in chaos because there is no longer a script to follow. Cas counters saying that he’s fighting for freedom. But what freedom is this exactly?

We learn from Atropos that Cas had been the one to send Balthazar back in time to stop the sinking of the Titanic to create fifty thousand new souls and that it somehow has to do with the war in heaven. But she implies that this is a shortcut and it’s wrong. Cas can’t change the past willy nilly just because he is desperate.

The plan of killing her though is stopped just as Balthazar is about to stab her in the back. Atropos reminds Cas that she has two other sisters who will make it their job to eliminate Sam and Dean if they kill her. How much do the Winchesters mean to Cas? Is he willing to kill them to take down one of the three Fates?

To set things right, the two angels restore the original timeline by sinking the Titanic. Sam and Dean find themselves asleep in the Impala with the memories of the alternate reality in tact because Cas wanted them to understand that they had taught him something about fate, that you could chose something else for yourself. This is the freedom that Cas appears to be fighting for, the ability to be free from a pre-ordained script that you have no control over.

The episode raises some great issues on fate and free will. Fate can be seen as unfair, depending on the circumstances but something that we cannot control. Sam and Dean throughout their lives appear to have challenged this over and over again as they return from the dead multiple times. But as we learned from Death, there is a certain order to things and every action causes a chain effect. Atropos is presented as a creature of order and what Cas and the Winchesters have done is negate that order. Ultimately which one is better, having fate or free will? That is a hard complicated question and there is no definitive answer.

But watching the Winchesters attempt to figure that out is worth watching and dare I say, addicting.

We’ve gotten another tidbit on the importance of souls that’s been hinted at all season long and I can’t wait to see how this all plays out. How does the civil war in heaven, monster mother Eve and her creature fest, Death, the Fates, and the Winchesters all fit into this puzzle? Well, thank goodness the hiatus is over.

Season 6, Episode 17: My Heart Will Go On (originally aired April 15, 2011)

For more Supernatural, click here.

Fridays at 9/8C on The CW

Images courtesy of The CW and Jack Rowand

Meet Monica Velour Review: A Film of Unfulfilled Promise

Meet Monica Velour, the debut feature film from writer/director Keith Bearden, is tragically awash with tired cinema tropes. Shot in Michigan on an apparently tiny budget, this odd little film is a familiar coming-of-age story for the nostalgic, a sharp but meandering tale of profound disillusionment for the neo-hipster generation with a bad case of nihilistic ennui.

The movie starts out promisingly enough. Dustin Ingram embodies geeky, gangly main character Tobe with an effortless naturalism in the first several scenes. Tobe is seventeen years old when we meet him and already as disappointed with his existence as anyone who’s actually had enough time to make any truly woeful life choices. Tobe lives with his grandfather (Brian Dennehy) and is persistently annoyed by an awkward young neighborhood boy (Daniel Yelsky). His bedroom is full of B-movie posters and paraphernalia, along with a large collection of old videos featuring a beautiful blond star of vintage pornography, Monica Velour (Jamie Tisdale in Monica’s youth). It also has to be mentioned that Tobe drives a hot dog truck adorned with a huge, painted, metal wiener in a bun, and he’s less than enthused about it. Former schoolmate Amanda (Jee Young Han) doesn’t seem to mind; she’s hung up on Tobe and refreshingly shameless about her affection. Unfortunately, Tobe prefers to avoid dating a fellow “dork” at all costs, instead opting for a puerile obsession with Monica, whose sexuality is more abstract and technical than that of any real-life woman. Our virginal, mouth-breathing Tobe is simply unequipped to deal with Amanda or anything else corporeal, so he strikes out in pursuit of a fantasy.

Here’s where the plot disintegrates. Tobe finds lodging in another town, where an aging, depressed Monica Velour (Kim Cattrall) and an enthusiastic buyer (Keith David) for his unwanted wiener-mobile both reside. Present-day Monica is well past her prime, making special appearances in low-rent strip clubs to support herself and considering a brief resuscitation of her adult film career. She lives in a mobile home and is fighting for custody of her surprisingly well-adjusted young daughter. Monica’s ex-husband (Sam McMurray) is comically villainous, and her dearest friends are liquor, prescription drugs, and cocaine. Tobe, even after meeting his favorite 1978 centerfold girl in the flesh, is hopelessly enamored. Monica is so washed up and cynical that she can’t imagine why a teenage boy would know who she is, much less want to woo her. Despite her protests, the two form an awkward bond, with Monica eventually guiding Tobe into uncharted territory on a picnic blanket with helpful tips along the way.

Tobe’s main consideration during his extended vacation in Monica’s world is her personal well-being and self-image. He can’t understand why she’s resigned from life and accepted her fate; Monica’s attempts to ground Tobe in reality are fruitless. These folks are Harold and Maude without the passion or insight. Neither has any real wisdom or self-awareness, and each is too much of a walking cliche to be very interesting. Cattrall plays a washed-up hag with admirable dedication and sensitivity, but the script is too thin to merit her strong efforts. With all the world’s weight on her shoulders, Monica still seems to lack a history. This woman is weak, battered, and helpless until Tobe comes along. We’re supposed to believe that a maladjusted 17 year-old video archivist possesses the tools to help a former working girl nearing fifty years of age to figure out where she went wrong. What has she been doing for the past decade? I suppose the point is that Monica ultimately does just as much to help Tobe by snapping him out of his naive fanboy stupor, but it was never her responsibility to educate him, and he never should have felt entitled to an all-access pass to her intimate daily life in the first place.

A superb soundtrack comprised of swinging vintage tunes helps make this film barely watchable, as do performances by Dennehy and the newcomer who plays Amanda with an exciting authenticity and gusto. I wanted to see much more of the lovely Jee Young Han in her role; in fact, it’s hard to believe that the same man who wrote her character brought us Monica Velour. No one can accuse Keith Bearden of utterly lacking an original point of view, but I wish he’d relied less on recognizable symbols of loss and regret and submerged his audience into the murkier and more unsettling territory of false hope in a meaningless world. If Ms. Velour had spent less time guzzling drink and frowning at her expanding belly in the mirror and more time crafting a too-ambitious exit plan, I might have believed her and felt her desperation. But when she doesn’t seem to care, neither can we.

Skip It.

Meet Monica Velour is rated R for strong sexual content, nudity, language, and drug use.

Images courtesys of IMDbPro.

Henry’s Crime Review: A Chump’s Change

Casting Keanu Reeves as an aimless doormat blankly coasting through life is one of the more winking production tactics evident in Henry’s Crime, a meandering heist caper that lumbers along with the same hapless demeanor as Reeves’ eponymous character. Henry Torne is an empty-eyed tollbooth collector in dreary Buffalo, unconcerned with his mundane existence and unresponsive toward his (soon-to-be-ex) wife’s (Judy Greer) growing impatience with their marriage’s decline into the doldrums. Henry borderline sleepwalks throughout his limited range of emotion, and seems to lack any cognitive reasoning whatsoever when a slimy neighborhood acquaintance (Fisher Stevens) tricks him into being the getaway driver for a bank robbery.

Henry gets fingered for the crime and is so inexplicably ambivalent to the consequences of this injustice, he foregoes naming the actual perps and silently shrugs his way into a three-year federal prison sentence. While in the clink Henry is paired with spunky codger Max (James Caan), who is as strangely content with his lifer status as Henry was with his own monotonous reality on the outside. The two form an unlikely friendship that helps Henry realize, over the course of a clunky time-elapse sequence, that the metaphorical prison he’d been living in is a better alternative to the real thing.  Max’s sage words, “If you’ve done the time, you might as well do the crime,” later come in handy when Henry, just released on parole, is literally struck with overdue inspiration when an acerbic aspiring actress (Vera Farmiga) runs him over with her car in front of the same bank he’d been framed for robbing.

Director Malcolm Venville (44 Inch Chest) begins to overlap the middling theme of Henry’s awakening with plot contrivances as rife with clichés as they are sans suspense or intrigue. Max’s advice echoes in Henry’s mind so strongly, he convinces his pal to ace his next parole review in order to join him, albeit reluctantly, in his plan to rob the bank for real. Farmiga’s character happens to be starring in a production of Chekhov’s The Cherry Orchard across the street, and Henry’s discovery of an old newspaper clipping discussing a Prohibition-era underground tunnel that links the theater and the bank – how convenient – helps extend the pair’s meet-cute into a budding romance.

The sloppy juxtaposition between the bank scheme and the play reaches its peak when Henry weasels his way into the male lead role in order to take advantage of the star dressing room’s easy access to the tunnel. It’s here where the script nosedives into maudlin attempts to parallel the evolution of Chekhov’s characters with the movie’s, while juggling its equally tenuous strain for harebrained hi-jinks.

Henry’s real crime, of course, isn’t robbing the bank but instead wasting most of his adult life by embracing a paralytic existence that halted the potential for any emotional growth. Reeves ably portrays a man slowly discovering the ability to be present in his own life, but Caan and particularly Farmiga steal the show as they both fill each frame they’re in with enough presence and thespian instinct to forgive some of the film’s most blatantly convoluted plot devices.

Seemingly unable to decide on one focused genre, Henry’s Crime instead borrows the most lazy and hackneyed elements of several, resulting in a film that only succeeds in rendering the audience as apathetic as its unlikely hero.

Photo by Courtesy of Warner Bros. Picture – © 2011 Moving Pictures Film and Television

Friday Night Lights Review: Kicking Off the Final Season

The time has finally come. I’ve managed to avoid spoilers, DirecTV airings, press screeners and everything else until this moment when I am forced to confront the fact that Friday Night Lights is coming to a close. I’ve got to prepare myself to say goodbye to the East Dillon Lions, the Taylors, Landry, and most of all, Tim Riggins. If my shedding tears 20 minutes in tells you anything, it’s that the premiere doesn’t disappoint.

The season premiere, “Expectations,” starts with a radio announcer telling us it’s August and the East Dillon Lions have a game this weekend. We see Luke (Matt Lauria) and Vince (Michael B. Jordan) jogging down a road followed by Dallas (Lamarcus Tinker) in his car, eating a hamburger.

Julie (Aimee Teegarden) is preparing for college while Tami Taylor (Connie Britton) laments not being able to drive her daughter when she leaves. Buddy (Brad Leland) continues on the radio, talking about the Lions being the team of destiny while the coaching staff listens and Coach Taylor (Kyle Chandler) interrupts to get their minds back into the set of readying for the game.

In the prison yard, Billy Riggins (Derek Phillips) has brought his brother Tim (Taylor Kitsch) some pictures of his nephew. Billy tells Tim he’s thinking of coaching a little to “give back.” Tim couldn’t care less, as he’s scheduled to be released in three months with good behavior. Tim tells him not to come so often, and to tell Becky (Madison Burge) to do the same.

At her new position as guidance counselor at East Dillon, Tami adjusts to not being the principal. She offers a suggestion about college recommendation letters based on her experience at West Dillon, which is coldly received, and learns that most of the faculty don’t really care about their students. Tami tells the East Dillon principal her plan to call all the parents of at-risk students and get them involved. The principal doesn’t think it’s a good idea and tells Tami resources are low.

In Coach Taylor’s office, Billy Riggins asks for a chance at coaching. He confesses it’s not about the money, but because he respects Coach. He calls him a “molder of men” and says that being a new father, he wants to be around someone like that. Coach Taylor gives him a shot.

Landry (Jesse Plemons) rehearses with Crucifictorious, preparing for his last gig before heading off to college. At a basketball court, Buddy tries to convince Coach to recruit a basketball player, Hastings (Grey Damon), to join the football team. Coach Taylor tries to sell the reluctant Hastings on teamwork and as they go back and forth, Hastings reveals he moves around a lot because of his family’s work. Later that day on the field, Billy introduces himself and reads off a favorite quote to motivate the team. Coach Taylor calls Vince and Luke over and asks them to recruit Hastings for the team, and tells them he doesn’t need to know how, but get him to tryouts.

Jesse and Vince discuss her dad opening franchises across the state, how it’s taking longer than expected, and about how her brother Andre’s been acting out lately. Vince tells her about the party they’re throwing to recruit Hastings so she gets the night off and agrees to come.

Before heading out to celebrate his last night, Landry stops to see Grandma Saracen (Louanne Stephens), in one of the most touching moments of the episode. She hugs him and lets him know he shouldn’t quit his music, she’s even got it on her MP3 player.

The Taylors are concerned, obviously already starting to miss their daughter. Over at Luke’s party, Landry’s having a hard time convincing Hastings about the football team. Vince recruits Jesse to work her “girl charm” on him and she pulls Hastings aside, confesses what the party is about, and asks why he just won’t join up. He says he’s worried about being so needed and getting stressed out, because he’s a free spirit. She calls him a coward.

After his band’s gig, Landry and Julie reminisce about Matt (Zach Gilford), and about how they always pictured their last night to be more epic. Julie takes him to a strip club and takes off while Landry’s getting a lap dance. She tells him to be safe, and she’ll see him at Christmas. It’s possible I’m tearing up again during their goodbye. When Julie gets home, Coach is still up watching tape and readying for the game tomorrow. He takes her out to the garage where she finds her old Girl Scout badges, and they engage one another in a final championship ping-pong game.

The next morning, the Dillon basketball coach tries to talk Hastings out of joining football even though Coach Taylor says he can play both. Vince leans out the window and tells him to get on the bus, and the team chants his name until Hastings climbs on the bus. They’re playing the reigning state champion Cowboys, which makes them the underdogs having gone 2-9 last season. With only a late touchdown in the first by Vince, the score quickly escalates to 28-7. In the second, another touchdown has the Lions down at only 14 as one of the opposing team’s stars is injured and may not make it back for the second half.

At the concession stand, Jesse is having problems with her brother Andre as his insubordination results in a shouting match with a woman behind her and Andre telling her she’s not his mother. In the second half, a fumble gets East Dillon another touchdown! With under a minute in the fourth, the Cowboys’ defense is keeping the Lions back. Hastings tells Coach Taylor he used to play basketball with one of the players who keeps jumping for their passes, and that he can jump higher than him. Vince throws it to Hastings in the end zone, bringing it to 28-27. In the next play, Luke runs it in winning the game for the East Dillon Lions.

The next day the principal checks in with Tami, who has had four no-shows but one meeting, which she thinks is a win, though she admits to being a little discouraged. Becky overhears her stepmother complaining about her on the phone to her father and Andre is still acting out, refusing to listen to Jesse about dinner. Vince asks if he can talk to him and goes out after Andre, confiding how he felt when his dad first went to jail. He tells Andre it’s his turn to step up and be the man of the house.

Becky knocks on Billy’s door and explains her situation. She starts crying and tells him that Tim told her once they were her family, and she should go to them if she ever needed anything. Billy tells her they’ll take care of her and she can stay in Tim’s old room. Over at the Taylor’s, Julie loads the car for her drive to college. Tami says goodbye first, then she hugs her dad and he hands her an envelope for emergencies. She saves Gracie Belle for last, says goodbye to the family, and drives off. Coach and Tami hug each other and watch.

For my money, Friday Night Lights has been the best human drama of the last couple years. A show that’s not afraid to tackle real issues, but refrains from envelope-pushing obscenity that is common among high school-based programs. This is the kind of lightning in a bottle that doesn’t always come back around. I’m looking forward to spending the next 12 weeks with the citizens of Dillon, Texas, and starting to say good bye.

Season 6, Episode 1: “Expectations” (original air date April 15, 2011)

Friday Night Lights airs Fridays at 8/7c on NBC.

Images courtesy of Justin Stephens and NBC.

American Idol Review: Smoke and Mirrors

This season of American Idol has certainly succeeded in making viewers forget about the monotonous lull of last year’s mediocrity by finding an undeniably talented crop of singers to fuel the series’ flickering buzz. After the unexpected elimination of favored finalist Pia Toscano last week and the bullet-dodging save of Casey Abrams before that, Idol has undoubtedly found its way back inside the media’s circle of fleeting relevance. However, as the number of remaining contestants delves into the dwindling single digits, it’s getting harder and harder to keep the momentum going. As a result, the judging panel’s cowardly restraint regarding criticism of this year’s hopefuls is now coming under fire for being the possible reason behind Pia’s premature exile and the perpetual bullet dodging of the cute, but officially out of his league, Stefano. Any doubt about the void left by the departure of Simon Cowell’s acerbic exasperation toward performances that simply don’t make the cut was eviscerated this week, as one contestant after another delivered an unremarkable effort, yet received a requisite tongue bath from the easily-pleased judges.

Not so pleased was in-house mentor Jimmy Iovine, whose patience wore thinner and thinner as several Idols proceeded to blow off his professional advice and – gasp! – follow their instincts regarding song choice. In each case, Iovine was proved wrong and the evolution of his don’t-you-know-who-I-am resentment throughout the episode was a joy to behold. Also on hand was – brace yourself – will.i.am, taking a break from polluting the radio with more unwarranted robot noises to make yet another cameo alongside Iovine as the proverbial sidekick. This insidious infiltration has gone relatively unacknowledged by Idol folk, but viewers, myself included, are beginning to wonder if this stunt is more than a walk-on role. We’re on to you, WILLIAM.

This week’s theme is even more tenuous than most, as the Idols are given a list of “songs from the movies” to choose from. Normally this would conjure images of sweeping cinematic classics with timeless soundtracks, but instead we’re getting 90s R&B from throwaway Eddie Murphy comedies and inspirational tweeny dreck from the Hannah Montana movie. Palm, meet forehead. After an intro appropriately rife with actual smoke and mirrors, Seacrest and the judges emerge for yet another needlessly extended introduction. Unlike Iovine, we actually do know who these people are, Idol. Randy and his cardigan, Tyler and his feathered braids, and J. Lo and her mysterious taffeta dress barnacle all head toward the panel to prepare for the 90-minute parade of undeserved compliments about to ensue. As if there weren’t enough mindless ego stroking about to take place, a thunderous announcement is suddenly made. It turns out, people think Jennifer Lopez is purdy enough to be on the cover of a magazine. While Seacrest finds this revelation serenade-worthy, I proceed to retrieve my eyeballs from the back of my skull.

Eventually, someone remembers contestants are waiting to perform and Paul McDonald is thrust onstage first. His song choice this week is Bob Seger’s “Old Time Rock and Roll,” famously used during the scene in Risky Business when Tom Cruise dances around in his tighty-whities. Paul unfortunately kept his undies under wraps by donning yet another mariachi rose suit from his seemingly extensive collection. To have one of these outfits is endearingly quirky; to have a series is just a bit desperate, if not downright weird. While Paul’s done well for himself capitalizing on said weirdness so far, tonight he’s a long way from his rollicking, albeit strangely perky, performance of “Folsom Prison Blues” last week, and instead sounds ready to headline a chili cook-off at the county fair. His enthusiasm is palpable, but the song’s arrangement sounds stale and outdated and Paul’s jerky spasms across the stage don’t add any modern nuance, to say the least. The performance is by no means a resounding success, but one would never know listening to the judges’ fawning praise. Really. Tyler commends Paul’s “crazy, wild abandon” and how it “transcends.” J. Lo likes how Paul demonstrates “a little more polish each week,” while Randy is confused and thinks he just witnessed the opening number of a Paul McDonald concert. No, Randy, you’re still judging the same amateur singing contest you always have been. Seacrest, like Tyler, is a fan of the female saxophone accompanist and asks viewers to vote for Paul if they “liked sax” with him. Wow.

Lauren Alaina dug through her film repertoire to come up with Miley Cyrus’ “The Climb,” which only qualifies as a movie song since it’s heard in the feature-length version of a Hannah Montana episode that was released in theaters. This, apparently, counts as a movie these days. However, considering Lauren’s only 16 it’s at least an age-appropriate choice (as opposed to “Natural Woman,” for example) that should suit her voice and fanbase quite well. She wears her youth on her sleeve when the cutthroat Iovine advises her to go after heartbroken Pia fans in attempt to poach votes, and she’s speechless with shock. Lauren is equally flabbergasted when Iovine informs her she’s a better singer than Miley Cyrus, even though that’s a bit like announcing Jennifer Lopez is prettier than basically everyone. Kinda goes without saying, no? As for Lauren’s performance, she sounds a bit restrained and out of breath this week. I keep waiting for the signature clear tone in her voice during the song’s glory notes, but instead we’re greeted with an uncharacteristic rasp that isn’t unpleasant, but gives the impression Lauren’s straining a bit more than usual. I’d consider this performance a success if I’d never heard Lauren sing before, but since I know she can do better I’m rather underwhelmed. Predictably, the judges are aghast with the prodigious vocal miracle that just befell them. Tyler, especially, is moved “beyond tears.” Oh, COME ON.

Stefano Langone’s decision to sing Boyz II Men’s “End of the Road” is unfortunate for multiple reasons. First, could there be a more ominously prophesied title? Unless there’s a song called “Voted Off And Sucked Back Into Obscurity,” this is a comically foreboding choice. Secondly: Boyz II Men. Seriously? I’m already sure the kids don’t know what Boomerang is, nor should they, but this quartet of Motown Phillies went the way of the Trapper Keeper when I was in middle school. Talk about getting sucked back into obscurity. Stefano, as usual, sings his heart out and displays the best heart-wrenching facial contortions and clenched fists he can throughout the performance. He’s such a little worker bee. Unfortunately, his voice is just as thin and overly labored as always, in spite of his admirable effort. I stand by my claim he’d be a hit on Glee, or perhaps a lesser season of Idol, but this year’s crop of talent is impossible for him to compare with. The judges, however, all but offer Stefano a tiara and sash to go with their riotous praise. I don’t necessarily disagree with Randy’s insistence that this is Stefano’s “best performance to date,” since my ambivalence toward all the others has been slightly more pronounced. In fact, I’m hard pressed to name another song he’s sung. Give me a minute, I’m sure I’ll come up with something. Or not.

Scotty McCreery is the first of three contestants this evening to reject the sage advice of Sensei Iovine, much to the Interscope chairman’s increasingly miffed chagrin. Scotty had originally been slated to sing Harry Nilsson’s “Everybody’s Talkin’” from Midnight Cowboy (or Forrest Gump – this is a family show, I guess), and the choice seemed to be primed for Scotty to attempt a different side of his familiar country genre. However, at the last minute he must have gotten word that George Strait starred in a movie once, called Pure Country to boot, and immediately switched to the safer tune “Cross My Heart.” Sittin’ on a stool and ready for his close-up, the performance is an exact replica of the same Idol-by-numbers formula Scotty has mastered week after week. I half expect an American flag to come tumbling from the rafters as a perfect backdrop, both literal and figurative, to Scotty’s brilliantly executed shtick. His final leer to the audience is hilariously gross, and the “Grandmas for Scotty” sign in the audience perfectly punctuates this ongoing charade. Randy thinks Scotty’s perpetual onstage success echoes his personal motto, “If it ain’t broke, DON’T EVEN CONSIDER fixing it!” and goes so far as to say “A star is born!” regarding Idol’s reigning country bumpkin. J. Lo tries to excuse the unabashed lack of criticism this evening, gushing, “You’re all just so damn good!” Tyler wakes up just in time to tell Scotty that “all of America has fallen in love” with Nuts of Wonder.

Casey Abrams and Scotty couldn’t be more opposite in terms of their musical realms, but both guys put the kibosh on Iovine’s contribution to their performances this week. In Scotty’s case, I believe “Everybody’s Talkin’” could have been a great, and less predictable, choice for him, but when Iovine shoots down Casey’s idea to sing Nat King Cole’s “Nature Boy” in favor of Phil Collins’ “In The Air Tonight,” I groan out loud. PHIL COLLINS? Luckily, Casey stuck to his guns and switched back to his original choice at the last minute and, sorry Iovine, the risk paid off. Manned with his trusty upright bass , Casey’s rendition of the jazz classic is creative and genuine in spite of a couple questionable notes. The performance helps highlight the reasons Casey was such an early favorite in the first place and reminds viewers he isn’t the typical goofy guy he appears to be. This guy truly understands music and is possessed with the talent to deftly express himself with his craft, even while singing other people’s songs. I’m finally happy to have witnessed a performance worthy of the praise about to be unleashed, but the judges still manage to outdo their own zeal. After an extended standing ovation, J. Lo says she hopes America “gets” the musicianship Casey exhibits, and Randy admires Casey’s originality and ability to embrace who he is artistically while helping provide “education” about music through his performances. Tyler is genuinely impressed and marvels at Casey’s “certain sophistication,” two words Casey’s probably not used to hearing.

Haley Reinhart’s up next, and she continues her ongoing search for the right genre by veering away from the bohemian rock stylings of Janis Joplin and toward the glossy New Wave pop of Debbie Harry, singing “Call Me.” I initially have high hopes for this, given the shouty chorus that seems right up Haley’s vocal alley, but the arrangement strangely focuses too much time on the slower, breathy bridge that brings Haley’s performance to a grinding halt. The overcompensating factor of her thigh-high purple suede boots surely bides her time with some viewers, but not me, as I’m still focused on her drunken sorority girl stage movements. Haley’s continuing struggle to find the balance between successful vocals and a commanding presence is frustrating to watch, especially because I feel like she has the potential to, as J. Lo said, be a contender. Maybe next week, but given this season’s track record Haley might not have another chance left. The judges finally express an emotion short of ecstatic, as all three are hard-pressed to explain what didn’t work about Haley’s performance, which is how I feel every week. Randy claims “Call Me” isn’t “a singer’s song,” which is a complete cop-out considering Debbie Harry has one of the most iconic voices in the history of popular music. She’s a pretty good singer, Dawg. J. Lo admits she’s afraid to criticize Haley because she doesn’t want another girl voted off the show. Apparently, J. Lo hasn’t taken lessons from the Simon Cowell school of voter manipulation – if you do criticize her, her fans will frantically vote for fear of her departure. This, judges, is why Pia left – no one was ever worried about her stance in the competition, thus never bothered to vote. Not rocket science. Tyler, meanwhile, is nearly catatonic as a result of Haley’s American Gigolo diversion tactic of an outfit. At least it worked on someone.

Jacob Lusk is one contestant who churns out reliably moving vocals regardless of his song choice, so when he says he’s singing Simon and Garfunkel’s “Bridge Over Troubled Water,” I’m immediately looking forward to the combination of the song’s powerful melody paired with Jacob’s powerful pipes. Strangely, the performance gets off to a bit of a subdued start, but I stick with it until Jacob brings it home with the final three notes a bit sooner than I would have liked. I wasn’t as impressed with this rendition as I’d hoped I’d be, but the restrained arrangement and abrupt ending seem to be more at fault than Jacob’s unwavering vocal prowess. Tyler is astounded by how “angelic” Jacob sings, while J. Lo once again gets the chills and Randy thinks Jacob makes “every word come out special.” Iovine is the only one to bring up Jacob’s preachy diatribe from last week, and while still a fan of his, I’m glad it didn’t go unnoticed. Perhaps Jacob himself took a look in the mirror, eh?

Iovine’s snit is mutating by the minute, and he gets in a couple of verbal jabs when James reveals he’s singing the theme from Heavy Metal. “Where’s the hook?” Iovine smugly asks. When James says its impossible to know a good song from the bare bones of a melody alone, Iovine launches into a defensive diatribe about how he can know a hit just from someone’s hum. He’s “not an accident,” he tartly reminds us. While James certainly needs to recognize the fact that Iovine has been producing successful music longer than he’s been alive, Iovine’s pathetic display of self-validation makes me root for James all the more. Of course, the song is perfect for James’ performance and vocal style, and the presence of guitar god Zakk Wylde certainly doesn’t hurt. Although my favorite metal-friendly performance of James’ is his rendition of Judas Priest’s “You’ve Got Another Thing Coming,” “Heavy Metal” is very well-suited for him and he looks like he’s genuinely enjoying himself the entire time. His vocals are extreme but controlled, and James is proving to be one of the most consistent contestants this season, and a definite contender for the crown if Scotty should find himself trapped under something heavy come finale time. Randy says James is “ready for Ozzfest,” and J. Lo thinks everyone is “killing it dead tonight.” No, J. Lo, not everyone. Tyler smirks and grunts and snorts.

Thursday’s results show rolled right along without a hitch this week, as the elimination proved without scandal or particular fanfare and the ousted contestant left with good-natured gratitude and nary a sniff of regret. Good thing, because the Internet could use the rest.

A few highlights included a performance from Kelly Clarkson that hopefully gave an Idol or two (can they both be named Haley?) a lesson on how to maintain polished stage presence and vocal command with a discernible personality. It is possible, people.

Lauren and Scotty offered another duet that wasn’t nearly as gorgeous as their first, but Lauren mysteriously regained the power in her voice that was sorely missed on Wednesday. Later, Haley and Casey’s jazz revue and subsequent scat-off brought the house down. Viewers, including me, wondered where these seasoned performers, particularly this previously unseen version of Haley, have been during performance nights.

The dreaded Ford music video showed promise as several Idols donned movie-quality zombie makeup in order to terrorize a picnicking Lauren and Jacob. Instead of eating their brains, however, the zombies just wanted to experience the majesty of their Mustang. Sigh.

Rob Reiner helps maintain the paper-thin notion that this week’s theme revolves around movies by showing up to chat with the Idols. He’s actually rather endearingly self-deprecating, and thanks them for giving an “old, fat Jew” the time of day. James continues to only get cooler after making a This Is Spinal Tap reference, even though the majority of his fans probably thought, “??”

After Jacob, Paul, Stefano and James offer a cringe-worthy version of “Sounds of Silence” in which anywhere from one to all of them were excruciatingly off-key, the Bottom 3 is finally determined. Haley had already been sitting on her Stool of Doom when Paul and Stefano are asked to join her, and Rihanna then provides this week’s requisite interruption.

In a mild surprise, Haley and Stefano are told they’re still in the competition, meaning it’s Paul’s time to McDonald two-step his way off the stage. He seems anything but crushed by the news and sings “Maggie May” as his swan song per J. Lo’s request. Paul never really seemed terribly encompassed by the Idol machine, and reportedly never expected to make it this far in the competition. With this added exposure, he can hopefully front his band with greater success and field upcoming opportunities to sing his own music, and wear a different mariachi rose suit while doing so.

What did you think of this week’s Idol? Did James and Casey rightfully stick it to Iovine? Will Scotty ever take a real risk? How long before Paul’s inevitable toothpaste ad comes out? Is will.i.am some kind of intern, or what? Post your thoughts below!

Need more Idol? Read “Abrams and Durbin Fight to Be Themselves” by Kelley Lynn.

Season 10, Episodes 26 – 27: 8 Finalist Compete and 1 of 8 Voted Off (originally aired April 13 – 14, 2011)

For more American Idol coverage, click here.

Don’t miss American Idol Wednesdays and Thursdays, 8/7c on FOX.

Photographs courtesy of IMDbPro.

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