The Amazing Race Review: Oh, the Crap We Go Through

Last time on The Amazing Race, we watched as team Margie/Luke struggled to gulp down tea in India, leading to one of this season’s most heartwarming moments as the locals cheered Luke on to finish the challenge. Unfortunately for them, their persistence – although admirable – did not lead to them staying on in the Race and as the last to check in, they were eliminated. On this week’s episode another fan favorite makes a critical error that puts the team at a major disadvantage and threatens their chances for survival. Can the Cowboys overcome their bad judgment, will Ron ever find his way, and just how bad does a cow patty smell? These answers and more on this week’s The Amazing Race.

We start off this week with the teams traveling from Kolkata to the religious city of Varanasi, India. Zev is kind of bummed that this leg will still be in India because it’s too loud there. Ron/Christina talk about how it’s important for them to spend some time together before Christina gets married next year (to Azaria whom she met on their last stint on Race). Jet/Cord explain to the cameras that their mission this time around is to minimize mistakes wherever possible and of course, through the magic of editing, this scene is followed by the team making one colossal and careless mistake. While all the teams are eager to express and ensure that they get the earliest available flight, the Cowboys manage to overlook the earlier flight and schedule a later one that gets them to their destination city a full hour after all the other teams. The Cowboys are soon to realize their mistake when they see that they are the only team catching this flight, it is then that they look to see the departing information and find the earlier flight that all the other teams are on. In other words, they’re screwed, or if not yet screwed, they’re on the wrong side of screwed.

The rest of the teams travel to a local market where their task will take place and this short cab ride showcases the very best of our contestants. The Globetrotters, initially last to leave the airport enthusiastically encourage their driver to pass in front of the other teams, they coax him as if he is one of their teammates and the driver responds eagerly. This camaraderie is nice to see, especially when you consider how horribly it could have gone. Speaking of which, Kent/Vyxsin show themselves to have the capacity of incredible cruelty, and actually I have to amend to exclude Vyxsin who has done nothing to deserve such censure. Kent is the one who showed the ugly side of his back to us and everyone around him. He verbally assaults the taxi driver, heaping abuse on the poor man’s head until they get to their destination. Really, his behavior is deplorable, they are the first to get to the task but that’s probably because the driver was willing to ignore all the laws of man to get them out of his cab.

In the first task, the teams had to search a local market to find 6 religious men who will each give a portion of a phrase dubbed “the meaning of life” which they must rearrange and present to a 7th man. During this task, teams pair up and split in order to complete this task. Big Easy and Kisha initially pair up, but after a while Kisha decides to quit the Big Easy, and Easy looks a bit hurt by this. Now, I don’t know if it’s because I have a soft spot for Easy, but I’m holding a bit of a grudge even though I understand it’s totally her prerogative. Big Easy finds a more willing partner in Justin, and the two work together throughout this task and with little difficulty. Gary forms a hesitant team with Gary, and what I mean by this is Kent stalks Gary all throughout this task, promising that if Gary helps, Kent will lead him to the 7th man which he has already found. Of course, like the jerk he is, as soon as Gary and Kent get the last clue, Kent races off leaving Gary behind. There is no civil word low enough for Kent so I won’t even try, but really he has just eclipsed Ron on my “You Need To Get the H@%! Out of Here” list. Poor Ron, can’t seem to find anyone, he walks back and forth looking for the men and spends so much time on this that the Cowboys have come and gone by the time he is through. They are now in last place.

For the second task, the teams had to choose between delivering hay and making fuel out of cow manure. Now, I can only assume that the teams did not know they were going to be mucking around in manure otherwise a) why would anyone choose this task knowing b) how awful it would smell and c) still manage to look so surprised. Kisha/Jen, Kent, Vxysin, and Gary/Mallory all choose this route and manage to work well and complete it without incident. Meanwhile the Globetrotters, the Cowboys, Zev/Justin and Ron/Christina all finish the sweet task of carrying the hay.

In the end, there was a race for the first and last two spots. The Globetrotters managed to just beat out Zev/Justin for a first place finish winning a trip for two to The Big Island in Hawaii. At the back of the pack Kent/Vyxsin are having trouble getting a taxi. I guess word got out that they are horrible to taxi drivers but still one poor sap finally stops over for them. The driver still has a passenger in his cab and Kent bullies the driver to put him out, even going so far as to get in the seat and try to barrel the guy out of the other side. Now, in the good old U. S. of A. that’s slapping territory, but unfortunately we’re not on home territory anymore and Kent manages to get away with his bullying. Now, I never ever thought I would EVER be praying for Ron to stay but in the final moments of this episode, that’s exactly what I was doing. But I guess that’s just too little too late, and Kent/Vyxsin manage to stay around for another week while Ron/Christina come in last place and are eliminated.

Here are the rankings for this week:
1. The Globetrotters- winning a trip to Hawaii
2. Zev/Justin
3. Kisha/Jen
4. Gary/Mallory
5. Jet/Cord
6. Kent/Vyxsin
Ron and Christina are last to arrive and are eliminated.

On next week’s episode, Gary/Mallory fill up (most likely for the coveted Fast Forward, if I were to guess which I totally am) and Kent/Vyxsin suffer a break down (which will hopefully be their last).

Season 18, Episode 7: “You Don’t Get Paid Unless You Win” (originally aired April 10, 2011).

The Amazing Race airs Sundays at 8/7c on CBS.

Images courtesy of Robert Voets/CBS.